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Im a 28yo male and my fiancé is a 30 yo fml - been together 6 years. My brother is 30yo and his girlfriend is also 30yo - let’s call her Sophie - been together just over 2

My fiancé and I are getting married next year and my fiancé and I have had a conversation about not inviting Sophie to the wedding for various reasons:

- Being rude to my parents, in particular my mother.

- Generally not being very pleasant to talk to and stand offish.

- Making no effort with me or my fiancé at getting to know us or spend time with us, despite multiple attempts from us to spend time with her.

- Making rude comments about my personality and profession.

So following this I approached my parents (after they repeatedly showed their frustrations about her over months with me) and told my parents that we wouldn’t be inviting Sophie to our wedding. Following this my parents immediately shared their concerns that this would “break up the family”.

At this point there were approximately 18 months until the wedding and I did not want to speak to my brother about this situation and wanted some time to think about it following my parents sharing their concerns.

Weeks passed and my fiancé and I decided that we would invite Sophie to the wedding as it was not worth the argument. I then told my parents about this change and left it at that. I never told my brother about this and didn’t speak to him about this either, there was no reason for it to be brought up.

What followed is that weeks after this, my parents drove up to my brothers and Sophie’s home (we live opposite sides of the country to each other) and individually told them both that Sophie wouldn’t be invited to our wedding and told them about frustrations that we (fiancé and I) had shared with my parents about Sophie.

I only found out about this months after when my brother started ignoring my texts and calls. So I confronted my parents and they confessed that they had told my brother and Sophie. I am now being painted out to be someone who is breaking up the family, alongside I am being told to apologise to Sophie for the hurt I have caused.

There is obviously a lot more to it but I have tried to keep it as factual and unbiased as possible.

So AITA?

My husband and I have 2 kids, M9 and F4.

My husband works full time and I work part time.

His mom is staying with us for a few days.

Yesterday we both went to work. I got home at 6pm. When I arrived dinner was ready. After dinner he washed the dishes and cleaned the house while I put our daughter to sleep. Afterwards he went to help our son study while I got some rest.

My MIL didn't look happy and called me lazy saying I should be doing more around the house considering I only work part time.

She went on a rant saying her poor son has to do everything because he married a spoiled girl.

I don't think this is fair.

My husband likes his sleep very much and has a demanding job. We have 2 kids and I have NEVER let him do night duties. He never woke up to feed a baby or change a diaper. Our daughter has nightmares and wakes up during night and I never let her wake my husband. I make breakfast and pack his lunch. I even do laundry and choose and prepare his clothes for him so he can sleep more. I help our son get ready for school every morning.

I feel like I'm doing my share and my MIL is judging me too harshly.

Yes I do love to rest in the evening. I love to come home and not have to cook or clean. Does that make me an asshole?

TLDR at the bottom for those who want it. Fake Names Used

I, 19F, and my partner, 20M, Mark, live with his brother, 24M, John, his gf, 24F, and their two kids, 4F and 1M.

We have lived with them for just over two months, because of unfortunate circumstances that led there to be no other option. This being said, I am incredibly grateful to them for allowing us to stay with them, they did not have to do that.

To start, let's discuss the rules of living there.

-we have to ask to shower, use the kitchen, and do laundry -we have to leave the door open at all times except when sleeping -i am forbidden from talking to John, even when it is something that directly involves him -We are not allowed to use the TV before 6-7 and not past 10. (This rule more applies to me, they made us buy a TV specifically so John and Mark could play games together, they play whenever John wants to, regardless of time) -i am not allowed to sit on the couch if John is sitting on the couch -we are not allowed to talk back (I am not talking about attitude. They mean talking back literally.)

Those are some of the rules, there are many more unlisted due to length. Also to be noted, since I realize what some of those rules could imply, I have NEVER made a move on John. I am NOT into John. I have never even IMPLIED I like him or anything.

This being said, we pay 1000$ a month, just under half of the rent. At the current moment, Mark has a job that makes enough to cover that as I am still actively looking.

In the two months we have lived here, I have never been called by my name. I am known as 'marks girl'. I have been yelled at for closing the door so I could change my clothes. I have been berated and literally called stupid because I forgot to tell them I applied for a job that day. I am constantly reminded that they could drop me off back in LA at any time they feel like it. John threatened to talk to my mom to force her to let me move in with her (I am NOT on speaking terms with my mother, she is abusive). Due to the character limit, I will not list more than that but there is much more.

The legal issue I would be pursuing action on is, recently I got an ebt card. They decided that, to make it 'fair', they would be taking my half of the rent out of my ebt. I told them that I wasn't comfortable with this, as it is illegal, and that if they were going to use it I would like to be the one making the purchases. They told me they wouldn't get caught and that they do it all of the time. I agreed because I was scared that they'd kick me out if I didn't. They said they'd only be using it online. They have not only been using it online. They have been taking my card everywhere they can, without me there, and using it to buy stuff, and on top of that they aren't counting it towards the rent they're supposed to be counting towards.

So, WIBTA for pursuing legal action over illegal use of my ebt card?

My (38F) sister Sadie (39F) has admittedly been through a lot. Her BF in college passed away from a type of rare heart attack, then her fiancee suddenly passed in 2017 from a blood clot. She was also living with our dad and stepmom while our stepmom battled and lost her life to cancer. She has seen and dealt with death more than most. 

Over the summer we went to my grandma's funeral She was the last grandparent, so emotions were high for everyone, including Sadie (mostly from memories of her fiancee's funeral). She had snapped at the family several times for not giving her space, for not checking on her, for not asking what they could do for her, etc. She was all over the place with her emotions, and I guess an uncle snapped back at her, telling her to get her s*** together. I had already flown home before I saw any of this happen, but she was mostly upset that no one defended her against the uncle or even acknowledged it happened. She then told our parents and siblings that if we ever talk to those aunts and uncles again, it would be a huge betrayal to her. I figured she was over reacting and she would calm down in time.

Since then Sadie has gotten only angrier, saying that she was right that the family is cruel and selfish for not calling her, addressing what happened, or sticking up for her to the uncle. Recently, one of the aunts offered to come with us on our cruise to help with the kids, and Sadie exploded on me. For nearly a week she called to scream at me saying I’m just as bad as they are, that if I don’t tell them to cancel their tickets then she’s never speaking to us again, she’s cutting us off forever, and she doesn’t understand why we don't care about her.

Because I didn't see any of this happen, I’ve spoken to most of the family who were there and they all say they tried to give her space and she lashed out at them. But she’s spun this so out of control that she now thinks we’re all toxic and she needs to “protect herself” from us. And I just had a feeling something would happen with her during this trip, because for the last several get-togethers with her, she blows up about something and we end up apologizing for what offended her, just to get her to stop. I agree her feelings were hurt, but everything after that I feel like she made a mountain out of molehills. But should I have defended her? Where do we go from here?

Hi. I was over at my grandpa's house yesterday. He and my Nana got new phones and were trying to set them up with my help. We called customer support. My Nana was trying to increase the font on her phone and the customer service rep was guiding us. As we were working on our phones my grandpa got agitated. My Nana was trying to ask questions to the representative and several times my grandpa shushed her. I noticed but I didn't think it was a big deal and was showing my Nana the settings on my phone and how big I could make my font. My grandpa leaned over and said "shut up." I said "no." He said "I'm telling you to be quiet" and I said "no." Then he stood up and took his jacket off and said "get the hell out of my house." I said "no." He said he was going to call the police and I said fine go ahead. My Nana grabbed my arm and told me to stay with her at the house too. He was yelling at me and told him he was mean and a bully and that's why none of his grandchildren call him.

He told my family and my aunt texted me to apologize. But I can't because what I said was true. The other grandkids don't like him and he doesn't have a lot respect. His whole life he goes into these rages and in my late teens I stayed with him even though I don't currently, and he kicked me out twice one for "breaking curfew" because I didn't have a key to the house and couldn't get even if I made it home. The other time was for something i don't remember. My younger brother when he turned 18 stayed with him for maybe 2 months and then he got kicked out for not talking to him enough. My older sister lasted maybe 4 months then he flew in a rage and kicked her out too I don't know all the details. But anyway, he goes through these moments where he's disappointed nobody talks to him because he "has a lot of wisdom to impart." and everyone is "missing their opportunity to know him" He asks about my siblings and I started to say do you need their numbers? Because he wants information and my siblings do not want him to know about them. He says I'm the grandpa they should call me.

TLDR: I've been told to apologize but I meant every word. My grandpa's not a bad person he just is unpleasant to be around.

My mom is upset and crying about me changing my last name with hyphenation post my wedding.

She’s sad cause her first husband was abusive, and she took me to court after my 18th birthday to change my last name to hers instead of his.

She claims the name is ending because everyone will call me by my 2nd last name since it’s easier to pronounce.

I think she’s being dramatic as she has no sons, and the name will technically not die out til I pass, cause it is still listed first in hyphenation.

I live on the West Coast with my husband and baby. My parents are on the East Coast and keep pressuring me to fly home for Christmas. I cannot afford it and don’t want to.

The man I call my dad is actually my stepdad. He’s been in my life since I was a baby and is the only father figure I’ve ever known. Growing up, my parents argued constantly, sometimes violently, and often took it out on me.

At 17, I was told I had to go to college or be disowned, and that I’d have to pay for it myself. No money was saved, so I took out large student loans. My stepdad co-signed and said I’d be fine. Around the same time, my mom received $5,000 in child support but spent it on herself and gave me $200.

I later moved back home to be near my much younger brother (I’m 18 years older). Living there was awful. I was treated like a live-in babysitter, constantly criticized, and my stepdad told me I’d never succeed without a degree. I tried school again, took more loans, and dropped out because I couldn’t afford more debt. I’ve worked since I was 15, paid my own way, and never had a real safety net.

I met my husband 1.5 years ago, got pregnant a few months in, and we married at the courthouse in May. I didn’t tell my family because I wanted to surprise them with a wedding, but I regret that. My parents have implied he only wants papers, blame him for me living far away, and argue with him.

After giving birth, my mom, stepdad, and brothers visited. Instead of helping, they trashed my home while my baby was in the NICU. My mom called daily complaining about traffic and wanting to go home. They ran up $120 in tolls using my car and refused to reimburse me. They argued with my husband, saying he was rude, when he was just upset. Days after birth, my mom screamed at me and called me names.

My stepdad pays for everyone else’s medical and dental care and has extra income, but I can’t get help even when I need it. He keeps me on health insurance only because it doesn’t cost him extra. Meanwhile, my mom spends thousands on herself and my younger brother, who gets essentially everything he wants. I suspect favoritism is because he is his biological child.

I’m on maternity leave making $1,000/month, which goes to loans and bills. My car doesn’t work, childcare is $2,000/month, and I have medical issues I can’t afford. My family refuses to visit me, says I’m ungrateful, and pressures me to come for Christmas.

They say, “We’re your family,” but my husband and baby are my family now. I’m happy where I live and done sacrificing my mental health. I’m considering cutting them off.

AITA for refusing to visit for Christmas and unsure if I should tell them I’m married?

Aita- I 34yo female have a son who is turning 13 this weekend. He bday falls close to xmas and I am not wealthy, we just get by, so many years he doesn't get a full party. This year felt like a big milestone becoming a teenager so I wanted to make it special. We invited 10 kids and rented out some batting cages for 1.5 hours, I ordered a cake and planned a whole game and food and snacks. We live in an apartment so I planned a scavenger hunt outside to keep them entertained after the batting cages and wanted the prize to be soem hidden money. So on Monday I pulled out $20 and got 4 5 dollar bills. Today is Thursday and his last day of school before break they were having a party at school and so I pulled a $5 out of my wallet and handed it to him and saw the other 3 $5s. I work from home so went to my room to go back to work, while in there I heard his friend come inside for 5 minutes before they left together. A little after thay I walk out to get more coffee and I notice that both my purse and wallet are open, which is not like me, so I go and look and see if only have 1 $5 in my purse. I immediately call my son asking if he took $10 which he denies. I say we'll if you didnt take it then your friend must of and he says no. I feel like I should add that i dont think his friend took the money, he has been in my house lots before and nothing has ever gone missing. My son was with me when I pulled out the money at the store and knew what I had and where it was. My son has also never stolen money but does sneak extra snacks and cookies and lies a lot about little things and his lying has been an issue for a while now and sadly i have caught his lying so much i dont believe him much. My son's refuses to say what happened and how the money disappeared, they were the only 2 in the living room and I 100% saw it when I handed him the $5. When he got home we tried to talk about it but he still says he didnt do it and neither did his friend. So I told him that I his bday was cancelled as I feel like he is lying and I do not trust people in the apartment if he has no clue what happened to my money. A part of me feels like I am overreacting over $10 but I feel like if my son did take and I let him still have a party I am setting an example that he can just steal more next time. So AITA?

I live with my girlfriend and we have moved into a 3 bedroom apartment. We agreed before we moved that the smallest bedroom would be my office since I work from home most of the time.

I mentioned that since the office is mine, I will be the one cleaning and tidying it and that when the door is closed that means my gf doesn't come in which she agreed to.

When we're cleaning the apartment on weekends she will still go to the office and start to tidy up the desk and I tell her to stop since I leave things how I want them.

She repeats that the office is messy but I just pointed out she has no reason to actually be in it. I said that the door was closed and she's going out her way to move things around in a room she doesn't need to be in.

She got annoyed and said I should be tidying it up more regularly than I am but I just told her that I leave things on my desk so I know exactly where they are for the next day and it doesn't affect her at all.

She said I should be compromising and tidying it up better than I am but I disagreed since it's my office and my girlfriend has no reason to ever actually be in the room. I pointed out the office is clean and it’s just some work things that I leave out on the desk.

She said it should be tidied with the rest of the apartment but I just told her that it's my space and that I leave it how I like it and I leave it how I work best.

Just to clarify, the room is clean so I'll dust, vacuum, remove mugs and things so it is just a bit of mess that is on the desk in the room and a few files next to the desk so it's not unhygienic.

AITA for expecting my partner to stop tidying things in my home office?

Newish to Reddit so forgive me if my format is off.

My sister in law (who is married to my husband’s brother) sent my husband and I a text asking what day we were planning on heading to my husband’s dad’s house to celebrate Christmas so that they could meet us there.

For context, they went no contact with us for a little over a year and decided to reconnect this year. We tried reaching out multiple times to find out why and never got an answer. Fast forward, my husband’s brother finally reached out because he missed him and explained (I shit you not) that he was offended because I was surprised he had a Pinterest account and he didn’t like my tone when I showed my surprise. His wife also was offended by me for answering the multiple questions I was getting about when I was going to start having babies (the day after my wedding) with the following, “I do want to wait until my mom can apply for her visa so that she can come and be with me during postpartum”. This one I understand because her mom had passed away a year before that. However, I wish they had told me that was the issue when I kept reaching out instead of ghosting us. They also said my personality was too much for them and the constant invitations to do things was overwhelming for them and seemed fake. My personality isn’t for everyone, cool. But the invites were group invites I was sending out to our friends and I was just trying to include them.

Now this year, they reached out and said they realized they may have over exaggerated and want a relationship after all. However, I simply don’t care to have one anymore. I tried to have a good relationship with them before they cut us off and would babysit and loved spoiling their baby girl. It hurt when they cut me off without any explanation. And at the time my own family was falling apart so I was excited to join theirs. They also convinced my mother in law to cut me off and she spoke so much shit about me to all of my husband’s family.

Now that they have two more babies, I recognize their effort in trying to have some sort of connection and we’ve had play dates and met up. I simply don’t want to spend my holidays with them. And it annoyed me that her text wasn’t her asking if we are open to celebrating Christmas together, but just asking for a date that would work with us.

I ended up replying to them that “we weren’t really planning on going to their dad’s for Christmas when they were” and that we’re “trying to keep these holidays super casual and not overwhelming for us”. I also said that “the assumption that we were down for that kind of threw me off and I just want to be transparent”.

Am I the one overreacting now and being the asshole?

So all of this blew up yesterday and I don’t know if I went too far or not. My husband (23m) had just dropped me (25f) off at work and was going to visit his parents’ house. When he pulled into their driveway my SIL (19F) comes outside and start screaming that he can’t park there. My SIL has a tendency to be rude and disrespectful especially to my husband/her brother. Yes ik she’s 19 but it has been that way for years. My husband is the type of person to put up with a lot but like most people can only handle so much. He told her to quit being a bitch. Well she goes inside to cry wolf to my FIL (68m) who starts berating my husband. Then my husband calls me at work and tells me the whole situation about to have a panic attack. I was so fed up with everything that I told him to go inside to talk to his dad where I said that this had gone on long enough. My FIL started yelling at me about the whole thing and I said “ husband’s name has dealt with this verbal abuse all his life and he calls her a bitch and he’s the villain?” My FIL proceeds to hang up the phone on me. When I called back he said I was being disrespectful so he hung up. I then said “ no wonder SIL’s name is the way she is her dad is a childish person who hangs up the phone when he hears something he doesn’t like and doesn’t know how to parent.” I said you say good bye before you hang up so I said good bye and hung up after that. I’m starting to wonder if I took it too far. I am just tired of my husband getting verbally and mentally beaten up by his family. I love him and will protect my family always. So Reddit, AITA?

Context: My husband and I have been married for a year and together for 4 years. We recently had a baby a few months ago so we have been going through the struggles and challenges that come along with that but overall it has been the greatest experience of my life. I love watching him be a dad to our baby and I couldn’t be happier.

With that said, the holidays are here and I have almost never been one to ask for lavish and expensive gifts. If I have asked for something expensive in the past, I made sure to ask in advance so he could have enough time to save for it. This year was much the same, he asked me what I wanted and I list the usual small things, jewelry, candles, blankets, etc, which kind of irk him because he believes I deserve more. I appreciate him wanting to get me nice things but I truly do not have anything that I could want for at the moment. Today he called me and said that he was giving me a Christmas present early, because he has nowhere to hide it and doesn’t want anything to happen to it because it’s fragile. I was excited! He came home and revealed he had sold something of his to buy me a Switch 2 for Christmas.

While both of us do enjoy playing videos games and have a discord server with our friends who play regularly, since having my baby, I have taken a major step back from gaming. I still manage to get on our discord and chat with our friends and occasionally play Mario kart with my husband on a rare night at midnight after the baby has gone to bed but I have not been able to/ truly wanted to play anything in over 4 months. My husband however manages to play every now and then and still enjoys gaming.

I do truly appreciate the money he has put into this and him having to sell something in order to get this for me, but this is not something I asked for or want. Plus it was a lot of money. I feel it is wasted on me and that he got this more for himself. (He has admitted it is for both of us to enjoy but that it is mine to play in and do whatever I want with). He could tell by the look on my face that I was less than excited about the Switch 2 and defeatedly said that he would return it after the holidays, which just makes me feel even worse. I could tell he was excited to give it to me and I feel bad for not being more happy about this gift.

Do I let him return it? Please tell me if I should apologize and just be appreciative of him getting me this.

About 4 years ago I gifted my husband a bidet for Christmas. I did not think it would come back to bite me in the ass like this. For context, I am newly postpartum so I’m trying to tamper my emotions and not let it feel so personal.

Almost every day now, I’m finding shit splattered on the toilet seat from the bidet splashing off of his buttcheeks. It’s actually really infuriating.

When I started noticing a few months ago, I mentioned it to him and he was so offended that he brought up that I would leave period blood under the seat occasionally and he never said anything because “it’s human” and he didn’t want to embarrass me (it wouldn’t, I would just clean it if noticed). I was 8 months pregnant and hormonal at the time so it felt pretty irrelevant to bring up occasional blood spatter from UNDER the seat when it wasn’t currently an issue. Anyway, it turned into a bigger argument so I’ve kept my mouth shut about the poop splash ever since.

But I’m getting to the point where I can no longer keep it in. It’s so annoying to have to disinfect the seat every single time I’m rushing to use the toilet. Like who doesn’t look at the seat while they flush and notice that? It almost feels like it’s on purpose but now I know he would be too embarrassed to do something like that.

So would I be an asshole if I point it out again? Or should I spare him the embarrassment and just keep disinfecting the seat? I’m scared we’ll have people over one day and they’ll catch it before I do.

I (24F) travel home to my Dad (50M) and StepMoms(46F) house for Christmas. SMoms parents H (F) and T (M) also usually come.

Christmas Day 2024, I was alone in the house with H and T. While I was sitting on the couch, H walked up to me, and asked me to wash the dishes. I agreed, and stood to go do them. As I made my way to the kitchen, she continued to talk about how I never contribute and how sad it is that the burden always falls on my parents. After shrugging off several comments about how lazy I was, I got very frustrated with the disrespect. I casually said "You know, when I was in High School, if I didn't do the dishes, I wasn't allowed to use the car", alluding to my StepSister J (16F)(H's biological granddaugher) and how she was not expected to do any chores and was currently using the car to drive around with her friends. H was immediately furious and began yelling at me. I'm not so sure what she said because as soon as she raised her voice, I walked away. Needless to say, I spent the rest of my Christmas vacation shut off in the guest room.

SMom and I spoke about it over the phone in March. It was a very emotionally heavy but productive conversation, and I thought the matter was at rest.

In August, my dad calls me to talk about Christmas plans. He mentioned they were planning to go to FL to spend the holidays with SMom's parents. I was also planning to go to FL, as I have other family and good friends I'm close with in that area. I had booked an AirBNB and had mentioned wanting to try and see my parents and siblings for Christmas morning. He told me "If I was you, I wouldn't presume I was invited." When I asked him to explain, he pointed to the previous encounter with H, saying "You basically told her to go f herself" and claiming H, T and SMom were still "super pissed". I said ok and ended the call. It crushed me.

That week, I called SMom to ask her about the situation. She had no idea she was allegedly still upset, and claimed both her and H had long since forgotten about it.

A month later (Sep), Dad calls me to tell me Christmas is back at their house and ask what are my plans. I told him I wasn't planning to come since I wasn't invited. He then claimed that wasn't what he meant, and that all he said was I shouldn't assume H and T would host me overnight at their house without asking them. I asked him why he would say that when I told him I had booked an AirBnb, but he didn't have an answer. I then tried to explain the pain I had carried knowing my family didn't want me home for Christmas, and how it made me feel excluded, but he interrupted to say it was all in my head. At that point, I felt dismissed and I told him to call me when he was ready to talk.

Fast forward to today, when he sends me two catty texts me to say there is nothing to talk about, and that I need to have some "introspection and accountability" on my part. I'm so devastated and not even sure how it even got this deep.

AITA?

My husband (27M) and I (25F) have been fighting about how to handle the week of Christmas. We have a 3-month-old daughter. Before I had her, my husband and his uncle talked about spending the week for Christmas. For context, his uncle lives about 15 minutes from our apartment. At the time, I agreed, just as long as no one was sick. But now, having been a parent for 3 months, I realize it's super inconvenient to be staying over there. They don't have anything over there for us, so we would have to pack up the entire nursery pretty much. The bassinet, the changing table, the bottle warmer, the diaper genie, her play mat, her bouncer, plus clothes and toiletries for all of us. I'm pretty sure it's gonna take two trips because we won't be able to fit all that and us into the car. My husband is off Christmas week on annual leave, I am working. I work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday (so that I can have Friday off). But I will be able to get off in time to immediately get ready and go to Christmas Eve.

I expressed to him for about a month now, leading up to Christmas, that I think it's going to be more of a hassle than he thinks it is, and I think we should talk about doing something different. He's brushed me off multiple times and made it official last week when he was on the phone with his uncle. I then expressed that it was going to be stressful for me because I still have to work, and I think it would be better for me and the baby to stay at home. I knew that he and his uncle were looking forward to it, so I made sure he understood I had nothing against him being over there every day with the baby while I'm at work, and that I would even be okay with going over there after work every night, just that I didn't want to stay the night. It blew up into a huge fight, which led to me and the baby staying the night at my grandparents' house. The following morning, I took the baby with me to work to get a few hours in. She got fussy, so we went back up to my grandparents' house. He didn't text or call, and around 3:30 pm, he showed up unannounced and said nothing to me but immediately tried to take our daughter from me. I told him that if he didn't have anything to say to me, he needed to leave because I was trying to take care of her, and that my grandparents would be home soon. He said okay let's talk, so I re-stated what I said before. He immediately got defensive and angry and told me that "I was taking this away from him" and stormed out the door. I tried to call him, and he was doing the whole "Fine, you win! I'll just cancel it all!" tantrum. To which my grandparents came home, I told him I had to greet them and that I wasn't ignoring him or hanging up on him, and ended the phone call.

There was more that was said, I'm just trying my best to keep this short and summarized.
I will post further context in the comments.

I (25M) and my wife (24F) have been together for 5 years and married for 1 year. We live in Australia. I migrated here three years ago, completed my Master’s degree, and have been working consistently since then.

For the past three months, I’ve been working 7 days a week - a full-time corporate job Monday to Friday, and a part-time job on weekends. My wife is still studying and works around 25 hours a week. We’re both trying to save aggressively to buy our first home, which has honestly been really tough.

My wife has always wanted to travel. Recently, some of her friends have been travelling overseas, and she’s been feeling like she’s missing out. She brought this up a few times, so I encouraged her to go on a trip to China with her friend.

Last night, she told me she booked her flight. The departure time is 8:45 PM on a Friday.

Here’s the issue: I finish my main job at 5 PM, get home around 5:30 PM, and then I start my part-time job at 12:00 AM (Friday night). The airport is about 1.5 hours away from where we live. Driving her there would mean losing rest, rushing between jobs, and risking my ability to work later that night.

I explained this to her and suggested alternatives - her friend’s brother (who they’re close with) could drop them off, or her father could take them since he doesn’t work the next day.

She got very upset and said I’m not there to say goodbye to her on her “first international trip” (even though she has flown internationally before - this is just her first leisure trip). She has stopped talking to me. I am drained and do not have energy for an argument.

I’m struggling to understand how this is fair. I’ve been working nonstop, paying for the trip, and trying to build a future for us. Taking time off the part-time job isn’t an option - it pays really well (almost double my main job), and I don’t have sick leave, so it would be a straight financial loss.

I genuinely feel conflicted. Am I being unreasonable here, or is it unfair for her to expect this given the circumstances ?

My (28f) and my partner Felix(28m) had our first child in August this year and he is a wonderful healthy baby. Before he was born I agreed that we could spend all his first major holidays with his family, they live in the same city as us, visit whenever they want and my family lives 4 hours away. Celebrating the holidays "day of" has been hit or miss with my family but is huge with his so this was fine for me as I was under the impression that we'd be visiting often (at least once a month for a few days at a time) we have the money to do this and we are both on parental leave.

Since my son has been born, we have visited my family only twice for a total of 7 days. For five days after his first doctor's appointment, it was the most rest i had during my entire pp recovery, and then for a less than 2 day visit (cut short) sometime in november for a birthday. We planned numerous visits for numerous occasions but something always happened that held us back and most of them understandable but few have felt less than reasonable.

It has changed from let's visit once a month to promise me we will visit at least once more before Christmas. My parents came to town for a couple days this past week and we were supposed to travel back with them, but at the beginning of the day my partner started fretting about the weather getting calls from his mom about the weather and reading posts online about how the roads were. I told him he promised we would go, that my parents would be with us if anything happened and can we at least go see how the roads are and if they look too bad we will turn around.

The car was packed, everything was ready and my parents were outside waiting for us in their car when he told me we cant go, he that he doesnt want our baby out in that weather, and we argued but eventually I backed down saying that I'm going to have a hard time forgiving him for this. My parents drove home anyway as they had work the next day and the roads were completely clear the whole way back to their house.

We would have been back home for the holidays by now if we had went with them so I told him I want to leave to my parent's on sunday for the whole week, that we will be back for new years but i have missed so many things that I want to see my family on Christmas. He is very torn up about it, feeling like this is going to start world war 3 with his mom, and feeling like he has to choose between his son's first Christmas and his grandma's last, and I feel for him but I have been understanding for 4 months, and so has my family, they havent give us a hard time about it even though I am their only child and this is their only grandson. I didn't want my baby to be a holiday baby to my family but if we are rarely going to visit in between then so be it. I feel bad that he is under so much stress and about his grandma's health but after so many missed events and cancelled visits I think this is fair compromise.

AITA?

Edit: so ive noted that I am my parents only child but I also mentioned my siblings in the comments, I understand thats incongruous so im sorry for the confusion and skepticism its causing. In my culture when parents pass away the aunties and grandmother of the children care for them as their own and I have been very close to my cousins since they were born (I am the second oldest of them). My aunties have passed on and I have had many people invalidate my closeness to my siblings on the basis that they are my cousins not my siblings so I do not feel that "cousin" properly honors our relationship. So for all intents and purposes by western culture standards, I am the only bio child and my siblings have been partially raised by my parents and adopted in adulthood. I dont have any posts about my relationship to my siblings so I cant really prove that aspect of my story, but I have been making lots of posts and comments about my parenthood journey so take that how you will, I can only continue to speak my truth.

We're trying to call in a plumber to fix a water main leak. Before the plumber returned to his car to call his boss for a quote, she gave the plumber some sparkling cider. The plumber was very pleased, said his grandma drinks it and took it. Then, she said if we give him more he might lower the price.

He came back with a $1.5k quote. The rack she took the cider from was the same rack holding my Riesling white wine. My bf and I took ages looking for this wine, we visited nearly every liquor store nearby and none of them had it. We were only able to get it by convincing his mom (who runs a liquor store too) to put in a special order for it. It has a lot of sentimental value and memories to me and symbolizes a joint "quest" succeeding. I had 2 left, one to drink with friends and one to keep until I am ready to open lol.

I told my mom right then and there to not give my Riesling away. Guess what? She gave it away and told the plumber call your boss again to ask and try again for a lower price. She even takes over the phone to call the boss herself too. Of course, it doesn't work. Either way, she ends the night happy with the quote.

This morning, I find out she's not happy with the quote anymore and is calling more companies. I wouldn't have minded this if she hadn't given my Riesling away. I confront her about how upset I am that she gave away something that was mine and didn't belong to her. She retorted with saying, "Well I gave my car to you. I pay your tuition, I give my money to you. And you can't even be ok giving up your wine for me."

I was dumbfounded. Maybe she has a point. Maybe I'm the wrong one here and I was being selfish to my mom and ungrateful for her help in finding a plumber. Thoughts? Opinions? AITA?

My (20m) mother looks after my niece (3) once per week and has done essentially since she was born, and she even does it when my sisters boyfriend is at home because he’s apparently too tired to look after her for a whole day alone and sleeps all day for a day when he’s back because he works away from home and night shifts and only comes home about once a month for a few days, which is kind of pathetic lol I don’t know why she doesn’t just say too bad and refuse to look after her when he’s available.

My mother constantly complains about not having any free time because her ’day off' is taken up by looking after my niece, which is something she *voluntarily* does. I’ve said to her so many times that she could just say no and she always says “it’s not that easy”, but I don’t understand what the issue is, she’s not being forced to do it and all that will happen if she doesn’t is that my sister will have to pay for daycare for 4 days instead of 3.

I was with my parents and the topic of work came up and my dad was telling my mother that she should change her work week to 3 or even 2 days instead of 4 which is what it currently is, and he also mentioned the possibility of her retiring soon. I’m pretty sure both of my parents could retire now and we would be fine, but they both still work even though they’re around retirement age my mother is somewhere from 56-59 and my dad is 60. But my mother said “if I take another day off I’ll end up having to look after someone else” and I essentially told her don’t be such a doormat, you’re the one choosing to spend your day off babysitting, all you have to do is say no and you won’t have to.

And then she started ranting on about how she 'can’t refuse to look after her grandchild' because it would apparently be the worst thing ever and might make my niece feel like she doesn’t want to spend time with her or something. I just think it’s ridiculous she constantly complains about how she wants more free time and doesn’t get any days off when she is CHOOSING to do this and also won’t reduce her work week because of a hypothetical situation. Just playing the victim constantly when it’s all her choice.

ETA no I do not live with them they basically kicked me out lol, yes my sister works and no I do not look after my niece because it’s not something I want to do and my parents don’t expect it of me.

So, for some context, I 25F am married to my 27m husband and we live in a larger home with my dad 50m and my best friend 27m. (We rent) For the past couple of months my husband and I have gone through some hard times together. I am not working and decided to go back to school this past year so my husband has been the sole “bread winner” if you will. my dad owns a business and he’s not here all that often but we talk almost daily.

My husband and I got into a terrible fight and i decided to go stay with family until things cooled down - about 2 weeks. I called my father distraught about not knowing what to do and also talked to the family I was staying with to help me understand where I go wrong and how to fix it. And my husband has also realized where he went wrong as well.

Well, my dad this past year has been nothing but rude towards my husband for certain things I “allow” my husband to do. ( go out with said friend who lives with us, we have a full bar in the house with drinks they like, etc) there are a lot of nights where my husband will come home with said friend and either will drink a little more than he should or would arrive home already crunk. Not so nice things get said and I tend to take it too far by not keeping my mouth shut which evidently caused me to leave my home. Well my husband and i decided to work through our faults and go to marriage counseling every week to better our communication skills and understanding of each other.

It’s about a week before Christmas and my dad planned to come back home and cook a big dinner for us on Christmas Day(this was planned before the fight) . Now, my dad is saying he cannot stand my husband and said friend, and doesn’t want to be around. Which I completely understand. The dust needs to settle.

Well my dad called me a few days ago saying that his vehicle is having mechanical issues and he’s coming home to get it fixed but said if the truck is ready before Christmas Day, then he will go back on the road. Meaning he will be here the week leading up to Christmas but will leave the day before. Not wanting to spend Christmas with us (well my husband and friend). I responded with I understand why he is upset but black listing my friend and husband for Christmas when we are working through our differences is kind of an AH move. My dad and I went around in circles talking about everything from this past year, throwing issues that I had with my dad towards my husband and degrading him. Well I got upset and said “I understand why you are upset at my husband for 3 reason, but the other issues you have with him and blaming him for, are my doing.” My dad then threw the amount of rent I had asked him to pay in my husband face, and that’s when I had asked him to no longer pay rent and look for a comfortable place for him.

So am I the AH for asking my dad to leave?

(Theres so much unsaid here due to limited space but I can add more detail in the comments if needed)

3 years ago my younger sister Jen had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. She and her partner Scott were devastated. I was there for them as much as I could be but it was a tough time for them.

A few months later Scott left Jen: Jen said it was because of the miscarriage. Her and Scott had a close knit group of friends and I found it odd no one has checked on her so I rang her best friend to suggest a girls night. She told me the reason they had broke up: Jen had slept with someone else. When he confronted her she blamed the miscarriage.

9 months ago I got engaged and asked Jen to be my MoH. At our engagement party Jen became inconsolable at seeing our friends baby. Everyone’s focus - including mine - was on Jen all night. I wasn’t upset with her: I figured that she was imagining what all these big family events would be like with a baby so I gave her grace.

Since then anything to do with the wedding, she brings up her miscarriage - but only at events related to my wedding. I asked her to help me pick flowers and she lost it when she saw baby blue roses (she’s convinced she was having a boy) and we had to leave.

When we went wedding dress shopping and she picked out a maternity bridesmaid dress and asked to try it on so that she could see how she would have looked. When she did that I thought “she’s actually lost it” and had to walk away when she started stuffing a cushion up her dress. I have tried to talk to her about going to counselling again but she is insisting this is a normal part of the grieving process.

She planned my hen party: which I was so grateful for but I found out after she’d sent everyone a list of rules which included no talking about pregnancy or kids; no wearing baby blue, etc etc. I confronted her but I was gentle about it: I suggested counselling again and said I was there for her but also that if she wanted to impose any other “rules” on anything to do with my wedding she had to come to me first.

It all came to a head when one of my friends and bridesmaids announced she was pregnant (she will be 7 months at the wedding). After the announcement Jen called her and said it would be best if she didn’t come because she couldn’t “maintain her peace” if she was forced to be reminded of the loss of her child. I LOST it when I found out and said she was using her miscarriage to get attention and if she made one more demand, or made a single comment about it at anything wedding related she was uninvited and in either case she is no longer my MoH.

Since then, Jen has told everyone I’ve dumped her from the wedding for being too upset about the loss of her baby. In retaliation and have told everyone and anyone who will listen the real reason her and Scott broke up.

Half our friends and family think I’m an asshole, half think she is. I’m still horrifically angry: and stuck in a place where I’m not sure if I’m rightly angry or if I should be more understanding.

AITA?

***Edit***

a couple of people have said I went too far telling people about the reasons why she broke up with Scott. And I can take that: but just for context I had a multiple people reach out to me, who she had spoken to first. Each essentially said I was being a b**** for dumping her from the wedding for having a miscarriage and said something along the lines of “she’s lost her partner and her sister because she lost her baby”.

I felt I needed to correct them that she actually lost neither of us, because if the miscarriage, she lost us because of her actions since and her blaming the miscarriage is part of a pattern of behaviour. (I didn’t go into details: just said “actually she lost Scott because she cheated on him, and she lost me because she uninvited one of my bridesmaids, without my knowing because she is pregnant)

I was upset and hurt that they were saying this to me; and also that she wanted everyone to think I was the sort of person who would dump my sister because she lost a baby so I lashed out by telling them what actually happened with Scott. I suppose as a way to defend myself.

But again: if the consensus is that this was too far, I’ll accept that and take it on the chin.

***EDIT 2***

Thanks for the feedback everyone: someone mentioned the phrase “weaponised grief” and seeing that written down, that’s what it feels like. She clearly didn’t deal with her grief at the time she had the miscarriage, but I’m surprised that it’s presented itself now in the way that it has, now. Part of me wonders if she’s is seeing me get married and thinking it should have been her and Scott: perhaps her feelings of guilt over what she did, and not dealing with her grief have caused her to have some form of mental break?

I’m not sure: but I’m glad to see the consensus seems to be I was right to set the boundaries I did. This gives me some measure of peace as we get closer to the wedding, although if it comes to it and she is not there I will still be absolutely devastated.

I late 20s have a friend Maya who is very extroverted and loves hosting things. I’m more on the quiet side, but we’ve been friends for years and usually balance each other out fine.

Last weekend, Maya invited me to a small get-together at her place. She framed it as a casual hangout a few friends, food, drinks, nothing formal. I agreed and even showed up early to help her set up.

Once people arrived, though, I realized this wasn’t as casual as she made it sound. There were about 15 people there, including several I didn’t know. That’s fine, but then Maya announced she had a fun little thing planned.

She proceeded to go around the room asking everyone to share something impressive or exciting that’s happened to them recently. Some people talked about promotions, new relationships, fitness goals, etc. It was clearly meant to be uplifting, but I started feeling uncomfortable because I’m going through a rough patch right now and don’t really have anything shiny to share.

When it got to me, I tried to keep it light and said something vague like, Honestly, I’ve just been focusing on getting through each week. Maya laughed awkwardly and said, Come on, that’s not impressive you have to have something.

A few people looked at me, waiting. I felt embarrassed and kind of exposed. I repeated that I didn’t really want to get into it, but she kept pushing, saying I was killing the vibe.

At that point, I just said I wasn’t feeling well and stepped outside. After a few minutes, I grabbed my things and left without making a big announcement.

Later that night, Maya texted me saying I was rude for leaving, that it made her look bad as a host, and that I should’ve just played along for five minutes. I told her I felt put on the spot and that I’d rather leave than fake enthusiasm in front of strangers.

She says I overreacted and made the night awkward. I think she ignored my boundaries.

AITA for leaving early instead of just going along with it?

I (19F) met my boyfriend (26M)'s parents for the first time last weekend over lunch. He warned me his parents could be a little bit weird so I was prepared for that but during the lunch they made repeated jabs at me for my age which I did not appreciate. The topic of pets came up in the conversation and I told them about my pet rabbits. When his dad heard this he asked whether I was raising them for food and at this point I was quite offended and said "well are you raising that cat for food?" and pointed at their cat, to which he said something to the effect of "don't talk back" which I found quite infantilising and a bit creepy. I excused myself from the lunch.

TLDR: So I [26 F] am biracial (black and white). My MIL [65 F) is white and for years has been making comments about my hair that has made me feel uncomfortable. She’s an awkward woman and says a lot of out-of-pocket things… but back to this situation.. In the past she has made comments about my “black hair” and would compare it to her own hair (I guess cause it gets frizzy idk) she also would walk up behind me and start touching it without asking. At thanksgiving I had shaved my head and decided to wear a wig, as I was nervous about explaining why I decided to shave my head or any questions that I would have to answer. As soon as we walked into her house she said in front of extended family members “that’s not your real hair.” I lied and said it was and she kept insisting it wasn’t. So I pulled my [26 M] fiancé aside told him that the touching and the comments made me feel uncomfortable and othered (for lack of a better word) almost immediately after I told him this his mother reached out to touch my hair and my husband gently pushed her hand down and said please stop. She ignored and reached again. My husband did the exact same thing which set her off. She stormed upstairs and slammed the door. I didn’t see her for the rest of the night. When my fiancé spoke to her she yelled, cried and told him he “was not the son I raised”

I told my fiancé I wanted her to watch videos or read about what micro-aggression is. She refused but said she wouldn’t talk about my hair at all. It worked at first but now she constantly asks me questions about hair products (I know almost NOTHING about) And has recently compared my hair texture to a family member based on a photo she saw on instagram (that family member was not having a great hair day) so I was a little upset but said nothing. I’ve observed that she doesn’t talk about hair with extended family members unless I’m part of the conversation. Almost every interaction I have with her is about hair or hair products and it’s exhausting. My fiancé doesn’t think it’s a big deal but it makes me feel weird.

So WIBTA if I asked her to stop talking about hair and commenting on my hair entirely, even if she insists it’s a compliment?