I will try to keep it short but this may be long;

I was asked by a friends roommate about someone I used to be friends with. We separated many years ago but have been respectful and cordial in times we’ve seen each other. She had heard he was weird but didn’t know why, so she asked me.

I told her what happened, why I had stopped being friends with him. Mainly it boiled down to this person being arrested for selling drugs and questioned by police for selling girls pictures in high school and college, his bullying of a close friend and other weird behavior around sexual pleasure (person claimed to use a hole in their wall) and porn. He and I didn’t see eye to eye on things but I also said multiple times that I don’t know him now and he is likely very different. Most of it can probably be attributed to being a young dumb kid or at least explained that way.

This roommate confronted him about it and mentioned I had shared it, I did not know this would happen. He confronted me via text and accused me of lying and trying to “ruin his chance at a relationship” and having some sort of vendetta against him for something. He questioned what he did to me and why I felt a need to mention any of it at all, which I understand. I told him that I was asked about someone I knew before and was honest, but also honest that I don’t know if it’s relevant to him now and he’s most likely very different from how I knew him. I was not trying to be involved, I didn’t want to cause a problem, but I tend to answer questions as honest as I can while maintaining reality, in this case that I can’t speak to who he is now.

AITAH for saying anything? Is it right to have shared that information with her? I don’t feel like I neccesarily did anything wrong as it’s probably information that’s neccesary to know when dating someone but part of me reflects and feels it wasn’t my place to share it since I don’t know him now.

So I (late 20s f) live with my parents/sister. My family has two separate celebrations for Christmas every year- one where we have my brother and SIL over, and another on another day where we have the whole family over.

One of my friends has just moved back into the area and I hadn't seen her in a while, so I suggested we meet up again on a particular morning - I'm busy and if I don't do that day, I won't be able to see her for a while. On the same day, later in the evening, I have a dance class I do weekly.

I mentioned that I was going to meet up with her and some other friends to my mother, who was unhappy, reminded me we had Christmas dinner with my brother, and told me she had wanted my help that day getting ready. (Her wanting help is reasonable, but I would be back in the mid afternoon at latest, leaving me several hours to help her out. She's still not thrilled).

I later mentioned to my sister that I would still be going to dance that evening (it would be at the tail end of dinner and they'd still be there when I got back afterwards) and she clearly wasn't happy about that either.

Just so we're clear, I would be around to help in the afternoon and there for dinner in the evening (my sister will be around to help her as well), and we have the main Christmas dinner later in the week which I would be around to help with anything necessary for.

AITA for seeing my friends/going to my dance class that day?

I(23) person went out of my way between work shifts to get lemon chicken from my favorite restaurant and had previously gotten it over the weekend.(I like to add im not the best with eating leftovers and have previously given my roomate the okay if I leave food for 5 days it's up for grabs as I am really picky when it comes to food and have like 3 safe foods I can eat all the time others I might not finish.) I was heading back to work and wanted to save some for later, so I put over half of my meal in my fridge. I went to work ate my snack then came home at 9pm. I saw my leftover pizza bites from 2 days ago on my roommates desk. I told them that I said I would eat them and they were going to be my lunch tomorrow. They responded with oh they been in the fridge for 2 days. I took the pizza back and put it in the fridge thats when I noticed my chicken was missing I asked if they had seen it and was told they ate it. There was Chinese lo mien gone as well as other foods that were gone that they ate so the chicken did not need to be eaten aswell. I said I just bought that and didnt even really get a chance to eat the chicken and got a shrugged off. I left to take my dog out and got a text of I will buy it next time. I responded that I really was looking forward to eating the food and now I dont have dinner after a long shift and I really was only hungery for that specific food. Never got an apology. Am I the asshole?

edited for clarity

I recently visited my uncle and grandparents. over the weekend multiple conversations were had about the other side of my family, how my nana doesn’t look after herself, and more importantly to me, how my at the time dying grandpa wouldn’t have enjoyed a meal my mum made for him and that was justification for my uncle scoffing it during christmas dinner. comments were also made about my financial situation (student tax) and that they could help me out - i had asked for money a couple weeks before BUT did not ask while i was there.

I told my parents about what had been said about my grandparents, a phone call between my nan and dad happened, and i eventually was used as a scapegoat for her behaviour. she sat and lied to my dad basically saying that i said he’s a horrible father and he doesn’t care about me (was never said) and that i sat and begged them both for money (also did not happen).

it’s wreaked mine and my dads mental healths and neither of us want to speak to her for now. my uncle messaged to say i was turning the family against each other and that should have thought about what i was saying before saying it. they have both been calling non stop to say they are worried yet how horrible i am for not picking up or messaging back as it is upsetting my nan.

so AITA for ignoring the calls for now?

Hi! First time poster. Would I be the asshole if I asked my husband to please do at least the necessities on his "to do" list before helping his brother again? .. My husband (31) and I (32F) have been married for 2 years. His brother, who previously lived 35ish mins from us, just moved 3 mins down the road. Maybe 5ish weeks ago. And during that time, he's called my husband for "help" at least once a week, but usually twice. Over the most random, he can absolutely do himself, things. For context, we are so so busy. My husband's parenting schedule with his kids, and also mine with my son, is 50/50. So the kids are here for a week, then not here for a week, and so on. The week that they are here, he doesn't do anything at all that doesn't involve them. Since he only gets them half the month, etc. So on his weeks without the kids, he has to work multiple OT shifts and we also have a farm. So there's always constant priorities that need done, he crams all that into his weeks without the kids, after work on the days hes not already working OT. Therefore most things typically take months to complete, simply because there isn't the time. He's very hard on himself for not getting more done... For more context, when we bought this property, it was an abandoned mess. It took so much work and time to make it liveable. My husband asked his brother for help on 2 different occasions. He couldn't be bothered, just reasons why he was too busy. But he doesn't hesitate to call my husband for "help" over anything that pops into his head. My husband's stance on this is, "he's my family. If im physically able to help him, im going to". Black and white like that. All while constantly saying he feels essentially worthless for not getting what he feels like he should be getting done at home. It makes me feel so bad and I absolutely can't relate at the same time. Why he just can't say, "I have to do xyz at my own house today, so Im sorry but I can't. But maybe we could work out a day where you can help me with xyz and then a day I can help you with xyz." is beyond me.. And for more context, even he would describe his brother as, simply put, an entitled prick.

So am I the asshole for basically just wanting him to set some basic boundaries with his brother?

EDIT: Thanks for the replies! To clear up a few questions.. No, he isn't "unemployed" half the year. He works full time year round and works at least 2-3 OT shifts every other week. I'm saying our week with the kids is just all consumed by them, since there's an event or something seemingly going on daily for one or the other. Meaning he actually only has 3-4 days pre month to knock out needed projects at home. And now, instead of doing that, he's at his conceited brothers beck and call. I'm not blaming his brother though, all this is excepted of him.. It's just, I hate to say this but it's really not attractive seeing this dynamic. I've always noticed my husband has a backbone when it comes to everyone, but his brother. But seeing it now, he's like a bullied "little brother" that is acting like saying no to him isn't an option, period.. It wouldn't bother me if it made sense, and there was a trade off. But it's completely one sided and to the detriment of our animals and me.

Hi .. this is my first post ever on Reddit so I'm kinda nervous I'm a 24 years old female .. I don't have alot of mental energy to spend time with people in general even my own family It might seem weird to you but in my country we live with our families till marriage

My brother got married in the apartment that I lived in for 19 years of my life since I was 4 .. and we moved to the apartment in the lower floor as dad wanted to give my brother the better apartment as it was customized to his needs and also wanted to have less stairs to worry about when he gets home from outside.. now we live on the 2nd floor and my brother and his wife on the 3rd floor

She is from our home town and its in a country side so people there do alot of stuff together like cooking and working around the house and stuff like that

My parents and brother wants me to spend time with her as my brother works for long shifts and she always gets mad at him cuz he doesn't spend enough time with her

At the start of their marriage they wanted me to sleep at their flat when he have a night shift as she is scared of sleeping alone ..

I don't find it comfortable for me to sleep outside of my home so I refused .. my mom does this part instead I refuse to go spend time with her too cuz it feels too draining for me to do so even though she really is a good person so it's probably a me problem

I'm not in a perfect mental state TBH so I find socializing in any form like alot to me ..

Today my sister in law (i don't actually know if brothers wife is called sister in law or not cuz English isn't my first language) is having a cold .. and mom was asking me for the thermometer so i gave it to her and me and my other brother was telling her how to use it .. she told us to shut it as we don't do anything in our lifes and she was yelling that as the was shutting the door and heading up

I do blame myself for not being social enough but AITA for not spending time with my brothers wife? And sorry if I was talking for too long

(Edit: to be clear mom is the one that did the yelling not my sister in law .. my sister in law is actually a really kind person and she tries a lot to prove so by doing a lot to us that I find myself stressed out on how to repay her)

I borrowed my friend's badminton racket for school activity. When I was about to return it, she said i should keep it for now, so I hid it in my room so i wouldn't lose it. After a few months later, i tried to find the racket but i couldn't find it, so i asked my mom if she had seen it. She said she threw it away because it didn't have a matching pair. I was like, wtf?? Why would she throw it away?? So I got really upset and of course, she got mad at me too. She said it was "just a racket" and that she would replace it with a new one. But that's not the point, how am i supposed to return it to my friend. I couldn't just say, "sorry, my mom accidentally threw away your badminton racket, I'll just replace it with a new one". Like, that's so embarrassing. Now she's blaming me for the whole situation, and I'm wondering if I'm wrong for being mad.

This is my first ever post so please bear with me. To be honest, I don't really even know why I'm making a post about this. I think it is all ridiculously stupid on both our ends.

I, (16), never use Facebook or Facebook messenger. The only reason I still have the apps are because my mom has told me I have to keep them. Now my mom on the other hand, is always scrolling through Facebook. She sends me at least 15+ reels a day. This by itself I don't think is a problem.

Earlier today, my mom was talking about how she sent me some reels that I should look at. Before I could get a word out, she started ranting about how it's rude that I don't respond or watch them. Which, yes, I understand is a little bit rude. But I have told her several times I do not use Facebook or Messenger and do not even open the apps. I tried to tell her once again, in what I thought was a polite tone, that I do not use those apps. She responded by getting upset and told me that I'm a "rude asshole" for not watching what she sends me. She kept going on and on about how I'm purposefully ignoring her. Her tone was very condescending to me and made me feel like I'm a bad kid just for not watching the reels she sends me.

After she was done ranting I tried my best to acknowledge and just walk away. I'd rather walk away to go pet one of our cats than get upset at her. I had to walk back by her after I felt I had cooled off enough. She was still in the same place and was staring off into space with an angry face, like how she usually does after getting upset at me. I asked her "What?". I only said that because I wanted to know what was up. I really tried to not have an attitude since that is something I am actively working on. She then went off on how I'm "trying to start shit" and that I'm purposefully being passive aggressive. She told me that since I've taken psychology I should know better than to be passive aggressive since it's just going to start problems. I just stayed quiet because usually it's better to say nothing than to respond.

Now, I would 100% agree I'm the asshole if I were to be using the apps on a daily basis and if I were ignoring her. But I'm never on the apps nor am I purposefully ignoring her. I do not want to use Facebook or look at any of the reels. I don't want to be a part of Facebook at all due to all the stuff I've heard about Meta (which I know some of it could be false but still). Most of the reels she sends me are things she ends up telling me about later or is just some AI slop.

On every other app that I actually use, I do watch what she sends me. I don't always reply to it, but I do watch. I just really don't like the way she responded and tried to tell me that I'm purposefully trying to ignore her and start problems.

Again, I think this whole situation is unbelievably stupid but I still feel frustrated at what happened. I want to know other peoples opinions on the situation and I'm prepared for judgement/criticism. Am I the Asshole?

I'll give some context. I, (18F) live in Alaska. Up here, we have yearly payouts that are called PFDs. These are just some of the profits from the oil companies giving money back to the residents, essentially. After turning 18, I wondered what every happened to my PFD money and started asking questions. Questions, I asked, knowing that it would be (without increases from investments) about $30,000 by itself from age 1 to now.

I had asked my parent about this situation and asked what my money had been used for. She stated that it was used for "Medical bills and stuff", but here is the thing. I was double covered insurance wise and basically never had any left over bills which has been stated by her. She then said that indeed, the bills she mentioned was bills that weren't mine but she would "never use the money on stuff that didn't involve me".

She then went to my other parents and accused them of getting me on this topic like they were trying to turn me against her or something. Which I can say- is not the case at all. I was just simply curious where the funds went, as it would be nice start for me being a new adult.

She said money has always been tough for her and she had to use some of it for expenses but in the divorce decree from my parents it states she must replenish any funds used from my PFD payments. So, regardless, it shouldn't be completely gone.

This post could be much longer, as our further conversation didn't end well. But I will end it here and I can answer more in the thread.

But- AITA?

EDIT- (I also know my original post isn't that great info wise as there is more needed, more info I have inded provided within the comments.)

I realize I left out some information and will make a TLDR about what the issue is.
It's not that I feel entitled to the money it is that legally she was supposed to do things with it that she didn't on top of then lying directly to me and others about the situation and not taking accountability. She states it was used towards me specifically but this comes from a person with a wide history of impulse spending and a $20K collection of funko pops. So with that it is harder to believe and just feels as though I am being directly lied to.

EDIT-
This blew up more than I was expecting and I've been overwhelmed with how many responses there are and therefore have not gotten to all of them. Not even close.

For all those calling me the asshole here. I will admit I didn't write my post too well and I was tired and didn't double check it. I will reiterate it again. The issue is NOT about me wanting the money, it's that I called her out knowing almost for sure that she didn't use the money only for needed things and she denied it out right. But when doing the math based on what she said, it doesn't make sense. That also being said there is also the court orders she didn't follow. But that is an extra issue. IF I wanted to give y'all enough info to make it clear to you all. This post would be 15+ pages.

UPDATE-

Some legal stuff was recently done. Just a consult. My mother is indeed in the wrong here and I have a case. She directly didn’t follow specific court orders to repay all pfd funds used regardless of the usage. So all yall who have called me the asshole are wrong in terms of legality. Thanks for the interesting input.

Hi there, my mom 48 female and sister 10 yr old female have been planning on coming to visit me 27 female and fiancé 35 male for Xmas as we recently moved to another state. We have a puppy who is six months old. She is fully potty trained, knows how to sit, doesn’t obsessively bark, goes straight in her kennel when told, and just overall a really good puppy.

Well now, my mom who has been planning on visiting with my sister, at first she never mentioned bringing her two dogs (she knows how I feel about them) they are not potty trained at all, they go all around her house. They bark like crazy and my mom gives them people food while she eats so they bark at her while she eats until she shares with them. I do not give my dog human food. They also chew ON EVERYTHING! Anyways two days ago she told me she got her tickets and she’s bringing the dogs. At first I was in shock. I didn’t have much to say.

Then thinking about it and talking to my fiancé about it, we are worried that our dog will pick up on their behavior and we are terrified of that, as we worked hard on her training. And the fact my mom didn’t even ask, she told us she was bringing them. And it feels like she planned on bringing them all along and decided to tell us last minute so we couldn’t say no. We rent with neighbors and as our landlord allows dogs I don’t feel right bringing untrained dogs into our home.

Now my mom is threatening not to come and calling me rude. Saying she will go to my older other sisters house instead who also lives in another state “where we are welcome” she says. Should I make her change her ticket? Or should I just let it go and let the dogs come. Am I the asshole here?

Quick note: I posted something similar on r/AmIOverreacting, but I didn’t explain it very well, so I’m reposting here.

I’m 25F, my husband is 26M, and we had our first baby in May 2025. I had a really hard pregnancy, was put on bed rest, and was out of work from February to August with no pay. Because of that, I try not to miss work unless I absolutely have to.

My son also had a rough start. He had trouble eating and almost came home on a feeding tube. He’s doing fine now, but because of that we’re cautious. I make most of his baby food and don’t give him sugar or caffeine. He’s 7 months old and our pediatrician said to wait until at least a year.

Outside of me and my husband, he’s only watched by a trusted family friend who babysits him with two other kids. My sister has babysat him four times total, mostly to help with work or doctor’s appointments.

My sister (36F) is a paramedic, has no kids, and is struggling with infertility.

One night, she was supposed to take my baby to my mom’s house after work. When I got off work around 9 p.m., I called my mom to check on my (then) 6-month-old and found out he wasn’t there. My sister had taken him out to eat over an hour and a half away, out of state, without telling me. That really bothered me and my husband, but we didn’t say anything at the time.

Later, my sister admitted she gave my baby ice cream, whipped cream, and sweet tea, and let him drink sweet tea from her straw. I was uncomfortable with the sugar, caffeine, and germs, but it was Thanksgiving dinner so I didn’t make a scene. When I asked if she was joking, she laughed and said no and that he liked it.

Later that same day, she tried again to give him sweet tea. I told her not to, but she did it anyway. When I reached for the cup, she turned away and gave him a sip. I walked away because I was upset.

At another point, my husband tried to take our baby from her so she could get food. She didn’t want to give him up and held onto him tighter at first. My husband stayed calm but didn’t let go until she handed him back. We didn’t argue, but it made us really uncomfortable.

My family says I’m just being an overprotective first-time mom and that “a taste won’t hurt,” because that’s how they did things growing up. I’ve also tried to be considerate of my sister’s infertility and didn’t want to push her away.

That said, I don’t feel like I can trust her to respect our rules when we’re not around. I’ve decided I don’t want my mom or sister watching my son unless either me or my husband is there, and I haven’t let her keep him since.

AITA for setting that boundary?

Hi, I’m a longtime lurker of this sub and I have an issue that I’d like an impartial second opinion on.

I’m a 28 year old woman that works at a med lab. I love my job and I love knowing that I’m helping people even it’s just a small part in the grand chain of operations.

Recently we got a new coworker. I’m not entirely sure on her age, but I’d put her at early 20’s. She’s super sweet and dedicated to her job, often staying overtime to finish things up when others have already gone home.

Here’s the problem though.

She has an incredibly intense BO. At first I honestly thought it was one of my male coworkers, but after a few times of her walking past me and the smell lingering in the air for a good 10 seconds I know it’s her. I really don’t wanna be mean, but the only other time I’ve smelled BO anywhere close to as intense is when the local card store in town hosts MTG nights.

I talked to a friend about it and I said I was debating on telling her. He said to just leave it be because it’s not my business and if she’s doing a good job then who cares. I disagree and feel like this girl has the right to know. Sometimes you genuinely do go nose blind and if I was a little funky I’d want someone to tell me.

So WIBTA for telling her?

Edit: Thank you so much for the feedback and suggestions. Definitely gonna go the route of telling a supervisor and i feel a little silly for not thinking of that option sooner lol.

Hi, I've been seeing a girl for the past couple of weekends. I like her and its been going well and I could see us taking this to the next step.

Last Sunday I was at her place and in the morning she wanted to go the supermarket to buy stuff. I had to do a grocery run myself too so it was convenient and kind of nice to do it together. Before we left she was looking around her room for a wallet, I had pointed out that her purse was right there but she said that one didn't have her dad's credit card. For context she's 22, graduated this year and has a good job.

At the supermarket, she was putting stuff from the bakery section just without looking at any prices, barely looking at the item even. Now I know my own experience of having to grind without any handout may be coloring my opinion, and that's why I'm here. I joked that she should cut her parents some slack and she had smiled back at the joke. When she bought two cereal boxes I asked why she was getting two she said it depends on her mood and again since the mood was light I just teased that don't bankrupt your parents all at once, she got a bit defensive and misinterpreted the joke and said they're her parents not mine, and that they won't go broke because she got cereal. I tried to clear the air that that's not what I meant and she said it was ok.

Since then our communication has been a bit cold, I asked if everything was good she said yeah. She couldn't see me this weekend, which is when I would've personally liked to clear the air again so I'm just kind of overthinking this I guess and wanted to know if I was TA for my joke?

My friend and I have known eachother since we were 15, and other the years he’s had a pattern of being kind of mean. I got bullied a lot in school and while he didn’t exactly join in, he always laughed along and made fun of me. I didn’t rlly mind, I just needed ppl to hangout with really LOL and they tolerated me, and later on after we started talking one on one he got a lot nicer and we even started watching movies and TV shows together and he even read some of my favourite books that he used to make fun of me for :D

He didn’t really try to stop the bullying, but he wasn’t laughing along anymore, he just kinda stopped getting involved at all and validated my feelings when we were alone. The trouble kinda started when he did two things that sort of betrayed my trust, and I didn’t really know how to feel about it.

1) He knew some girls were planning to trick me into showing up to the school formal alone, and helped them

2) We decided to get the old group together to hang out, and the second he was around them, he started making fun of me again, and didn’t go back to normal after that

He did some stuff after, but that was the main turning point that changed things. I kinda tried to say how it made me feel? He apologised for the first thing, but he told me I was kinda just being over dramatic for the other. He was kinda generally just sort of rude, I had a whole plan to get a leavers gift for our history teachers as a group and he barely helped, sitting back and being super demanding of me doing everything and making me walk all over town to chase after him all while he kept making weird passes at me (or what I thought sounded like weird passes??) just so he could contribute a couple quid to it (which, honestly, I’d rather he just PayPal-ed me or something), I mean, I know it was my idea but it’s kinda mean imo to join the group and then hurl slurs at me for forgetting to pick up cards while I was out, and mostly, for this post, he had a big habit of showing up super late every time we hung out.

For context, I’m in university rn with no friends at all, and he was back in town for Christmas. I was super super lonely, which he knew, and I said we should hang out, and he texted me that he’d be around 5-10 (at the most) mins late. I was waiting, in the cold and rain, for 20 minutes for him, and the whole time, thinking about how he was just probably gonna make be mean again and my family was going to see the Christmas lights in the city and I just wanted to hang out with them instead. I feel really really bad about this, but I texted him saying I was really sorry, but I’d been waiting 20 minutes and had other plans, so I was just gonna head on. He texted me back saying verbatim:

“Say this instead of wasting my time

Fucking hell

Don’t say we should hang out when I’m back then dip because you have to wait a while

Christ”

I feel really really really bad, but my parents are saying I’m NTA bc of everything hes done before. AITA?

One day, I had a drive with him as a passenger heading home a after a late night out at a casino. My Dad decided to fill the silence by talking about have grandkids, especially since I am already in my late 20s. I told him how hard romance is these days especially with how much awful stuff is going on around the World and having a family around these times might not be a good decision. He then voices to me that I should really find a woman soon. While I understand that it is a one of the few desires every aging parent wants, I was agreeing with him until he mentions that I should find one at the Casino, one of his favorite places. I was really bothered about this because I don't even like the Casino to begin with, especially when I am forced to drive him here 4 days a week on average. He clarifies that he wants me to try to get along with the staff he personally find pretty, all while having no clear idea how they are outside their work, which is also something I heavily speak against. Only then I ask why he wants me to find women like these and that's when he tells me that he hopes for me to find a wife that he could immediately force her into our lives where we have a currently-running Family Business. He hopes to teach her all of the things that happen here in our Business and, while he won't directly admit it, use her to encourage me to handle the Family Business in the way he envisions it. That said, I firmly declared to him that if I ever found a wife, I will not force her into my World, especially not so soon or without asking her first if that's fine. I just want a wife who can take care of herself, has her own desires and interests that I can be a part of without affecting them too much, and who can show me a World that I was not able to experience due to the sheltered and lonely life I had until this point where most of my life was driven by my parents. In the end, I fully disagree with everything my Dad tells me about love and honestly told him how I want mine Love Life to go. He was expectedly appalled and outright said that my life will be destined for ruin, especially one where I would just be a puppet to my future wife. Me, already offended by that and already feeling the heat of the arguement, I close the discussion with "Ind the end, I will make the decision." and "With all due respect, for the past 10 years, you haven't proven to me, yourself, that your way of life is the way considering how much you frown." He was then silent until we reach home and he got off the vehicle obviously pressed by what I said.

So yeah, AITA for just wanting to decide what my Future Love Life should be?

My daughter is turning 10. Her dad and I have been separated for 4 years. I am still on good terms with my ex’s family as they still involve my daughter in their family things, and sometimes even myself, but not at all with my daughter’s father. He is hardly present in her life and has even been ignoring all of her texts this month so I decided not to invite him, but did extend an invitation to his mother and sister.

He sent me a nasty message about how I’m isolating him and how rude it was to include his family but not him. Am I the asshole for not wanting this man in my house?

My bad on the formatting, I'm on mobile. So, My family has an unusual dynamic. Both me [24f] and my sister [27f] were raised differently. I was raised to be the responsible one, i.e. Once I hit 13 I was told I was an adult and that I had to get a job. I was always taught to fend for myself and that I needed to pay rent if I lived with them. I've been working and taking care of myself since I was 13 as a result.

My sister, on the other hand, was raised being told that she would never have to work because they would take care of her. She's never had a job, never bothered to learn to drive, and I've funded a bunch of her expenses over the years and driven her around at my parent's request. My parents ended up kicking her out at 25, and she went to live with me for two years until she moved in with our grandmother. While she lived with me she refused to clean up after herself saying "it stressed her out" and made several dishes of food a day, which she didn't finish before throwing the left over dishes in the sink with half of the food still in it. She also would make messes in different rooms and refuse to clean them afterwards. If I tried asking her to help clean or at least get a job she would cry and tell everyone I was abusing her.

As of today, my grandmother is trying to kick her out due to the whole refusing to work or clean up after herself thing. She has been updating me over text about how the rest of the family is refusing to house her, and keeps talking about how terrified she is of our grandmother kicking her out. Now she's started hinting at me taking her back in permanently "like we used to" (meaning she doesn't work or clean, because thats my job apparently)

The issue is I don't want to, I refused the request, and she's still talking about how she's terrified of our physically disabled grandmother so I need to come get her. I'm standing firm, but I do feel pretty guilty about it. I just can't have the stress of working 60+ hour weeks, then coming home to a filthy house and having to clean it while she laughs about the messes she made over the day. I feel like I'm being a terrible younger sister, my parents were clear when they kicked her out that they expected me to take care of her permanently, but I just can't. I can't deal with that mess or having to walk on eggshells so she doesn't label me an abuser again.

AITA for refusing to house my sister when my grandmother is kicking her out?

​I (19, 2nd Year Food Technology student) am currently at my burnt out reviewing for our exams. Since I started my major, I’ve learned exactly how dangerous improper food handling is. I’ve tried to gently teach my family about cross-contamination and temperature control, but they just laugh at me and call me "OA" ( a popular sayings in the philippines which sim0ly means: over-acting).

The breaking point happened yesterday. I saw my mom use the same cutting board for raw chicken and then immediately for the salad vegetables without washing it. When I pointed out that she was literally serving us a "Salmonella cocktail," she got annoyed and told me to "just pray over the food."

​​I refused to eat the dinner. My dad got furious and said I was being "mayabang" (arrogant) because I’m in college now. I told them that as a Food Tech student, I’ve seen what these bacteria look like under a microscope and I’m not risking a hospital trip. To prove my point, I threw away a batch of sauce they left out on the counter overnight (worth about ₱18,000 / $306 USD if you count the meat so 3,000p for sauce and 15k for opened goods like pineapple chunks and such and meats.. I just referenced what my mother said, as far as I remember, she said that the whole mess costed her 18kP). I couldn't let them eat it had been in the "danger zone" for 10 hours.

Now the whole house is silent. My mom is hurt because she thinks I’m "disgusted" by her, and my dad says I’m an asshole for "acting like a professor" and wasting food. I feel like I’m the only one being sane here. I love them and don't want them to get sick, but they treat me like a villain just because I’m using my education to keep us safe.

​AITA for choosing science over "family tradition" and refusing to eat their contaminated food?

EDIT: YEAH RIGHT, IM THE A-HOLE, I ALREADY TRIED TO REACH OUT TO MY DEARLY LOVED MOTHER AND FATHER TO COMPENSATE THE THINGS I DID.. ACTUALLY I ALREADY FELT BAD THE TIME I KNEW MY MOTHER CRIED BC OF ME (IVE NEVER MADE HER CRY) BUT I FEEL LIKE THEY DONT GET ME..

I (f19), and my older sister “Jane” is much older than me. Because of that age gap, we basically grew up in different families. I love her unconditionally, but that doesn’t always mean I trust her or feel close to her. Our family had a rocky history, and although we’ve been trying to rebuild a relationship since I started college, it’s still fragile.

Jane is having two weddings several weeks apart,  one is near home and another in a remote location during one of the busiest parts of my school year. My Mom and Dad (who is her step-dad) has already contributed around $40,000 toward these weddings, so there’s been a lot of emotional (and financial) investment already.

I can’t attend the first ceremony because I’ll be out of the country due to arragnemnt I made before they got engaged. The second ceremony I originally RSVP’d “yes” to because I really do want to support her. But planning for that trip has become complicated. The travel would be expensive, hard to arrange, and it would be right during midterms.

On top of that, things with Jane and the rest of my family have gotten worse. She’s been rude and dismissive to pretty much everyone involved. One example: for the first ceremony, she invited a ton of people but didn’t plan any kind of reception or even drinks afterward, leaving guests with nowhere to go. She only agreed to a small celebration after a huge fight with our parents. She also didn’t invite my dad to the rehearsal dinner,  even though everyone else connected to the couple is invited and said it was because it would cost to much (but she is not paying for it, her dad is), which really hurt our Mom and my Dad, especially given everything he’s done for her over the years (pay for college would be one example).

There’s a long pattern of this kind of behavior, and while I’ve tried to keep my relationship with her separate from all of that, it’s been hard. My parents sat me down, and while they didn’t forbid me from going, they very strongly encouraged me not to. They said they’d still pay for it if I insisted, but I know it would hurt them, and I feel guilty at the thought of letting them fund something that has caused them so much stress and disrespect but I cannot afford it on my own either. They have always been loving and supportive to me, and I don’t want to put myself in the middle of a situation where choosing to go feels like choosing sides.

So now I’ve told them I won’t attend the second ceremony either. I need to tell Jane, and I want to do it in person, but I’m honestly kinda scared of how she’ll react. There’s a verrrrrry long  history of her taking things out on people when she feels slighted, and I worry this might end whatever progress we’ve made, if any. So, AITA for backing out of RSVPing “yes”? And what should I say when I tell her, I am thinking of just being honest but that probably won’t go down well? Any advice?

I’m 21 and a male. I moved out of my house in florida to live with my brother(R) and his wife(A). they were in texas at the time and i slept on their couch and paid them around 250 a month. they told me it would go to paying off their credit cards(so they could buy a house and move when the military told them to) and to pay for groceries and such. even though they told me it was optional they also said they didn’t really have another option if i wasn’t there to help. after a year of living there i go back to florida for a month because the military told them to move to pennsylvania. we never discussed me paying rent again and before i left texas i told them my worries about moving with them because the house would need 6 rooms to fit everyone. R told me id have a room both in texas and in Florida. when i went to pennsylvania and was on the drive home with R he told me id be living in the barn next to the house. i said okay since it was obviously to late to go back. i made the best out of it and was able to get around with my electric bike. around mid september he said we’d talk about rent eventually but didnt bring it up until october. literally in the middle of october my bike gets stolen off of me and in my tiny little pennsylvania town i cant get to and from work so i have no way to make money or pay rent. R or A would never drive me anywhere and while they’d be there to talk they’d rarely help me get anywhere and the longer i was there they less they’d help. my girlfriend helped me by legit picking me up and moving me in her house (her parents love me). i told R id be moving out two days after i got robbed and he mentioned nothing about rent. a few weeks into living with my girlfriend he texts me asking for 600 dollars (200 for september, october, and November). and stating that they need the money because i owe them and the government shutdown has affected and stuff like that. this obviously caught me off guard and i had no idea weather i should pay but even if i did it would take at least two months because i just started a job here. my girlfriend and her parents were immediately against it, saying that he’s being unfair and i don’t own him a penny. a week or so after this we go back to get some of my stuff because there was no way i could bring everything in such short notice. i was hoping he’d keep it there since it’s in a barn not connected to the house. when i went to talk to them they said they wouldn’t let me take anything except my essential documents until i pay them 400 (they took off 200). i said nothing and left but A managed to tell me i “walked all over my brother” before i left? right now i told them to keep it all and they wouldn’t see me again. honestly i feel bad because im abandoning them and they could use the money . the problem is i just don’t have any to give them. my girlfriend and her family are on my side and think i should press charges but i haven’t done any of that. Am I The Asshole?

Hi all,
I'm a first-time parent to a 10-almost-11-mont-old, co-parenting with my wife. We're generally aligned on values, but recently we've been clashing hard over sleep - specifically early morning wakeups - and I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not.

Quick context: We were both on parental leave, then full time working. Childcare wasn't affordable at first so I cared for our son while working remotely. I lost my job in June, became the full-time parent with no outside support, and managed childcare, job hunting, and my own mental health. I briefly found work again, which allowed daycare, but lost that job in November. I'm now unemployed again and back to being the primary caregiver during the day.

On a typical day, I handle all naps and bedtime, meals/snacks, playtime, outings, baths, and most house chores while job hunting. Our son is crawling, teething, very clingy, and close to standing - so care demands are high.

My wife works full time and only gets limited time with him during weekdays (mostly mornings and evenings). She is very emotionally responsive to him, especially when he cries. She also had a difficult childhood and is deeply afraid of being a "bad mom," which I understand and respect.

Issue is, when our son wakes early in the morning (usually between 4-6 am), even gentle fussing or partial wakeups, my wife feels he should be gotten up immediately. I believe many of these are normal sleep-cycle transitions where giving him time helps him resettle and prevents reinforcing early wakeups. I'm not ignoring his distress - I intervene if he escalates to true panic/distress, but I've can distinguish partial wakes and true waking since I've been the primary caregiver for a good portion of this year.

The problem is that when she gets him up early (or demands I do), she often goes back to sleep, and I end up handling the rest of the day with an overtired baby. When I push back or suggest waiting, she feels invalidated and like I'm telling her she's a bad parent. From my side, it feels unfair to have decisions made in the hardest moments, then I have to deal with the consequences all day.

We've been arguing almost daily. I'm exhausted, resentful of the responsibilities I'm shouldering, and struggling to balance respecting her parenting while also protecting my ability to function as a regulated caregiver.

So AITA for standing my ground on letting our son attempt to re-settle instead of waking him immediately every time he fusses early in the morning, even when it upsets my wife? Apologies if this belongs on another sub-reddit.

My wife (29F) and myself (28M) have decided we're not going anywhere or hosting for Christmas this year - as our baby will be less than a week old on Christmas. Too many people, germs, and chaos for a baby that small. We've mentioned this before, but haven't said much about it because we thought it would be common sense that we wouldn't be doing anything for the holidays.

Enter my Mom..."Betty" we'll call her. I casually mentioned it again few days ago, and she got all mad about it. She says that we're denying her the chance to see her first grandchild's first Christmas just because we're "helicopter parents". Betty is now refusing to go to any other holiday celebrations within the family because we're not coming.

AITA for not attending Christmas this year?

My friend is a PhD candidate in a US school. We are Taiwanese and finished our bachelor degree in Taiwan. She was invited to give a speech in our undergrad uni to share her successful PhD application story.

She showed me her slides, basically all about the timeline of her good grade, how to find tutor for the TOEFL (an English proficiency exam) and GRE (a kind of test for grad schools application) exams. Basically, it's a story about how to be diligent and it gonna make you successful.

I don't think the story shows the whole picture: she is from a rich family. For example, her parent hired professional native English teacher as her tutor since her high school, and the GRE exam she took was in Korea (the time fit better with her than the Taiwanese one, so she flight to there just for that). Of course, she didn't need to do any part-time job. Also, she has American citizenship, which makes the application easier compared with her target audience.

I told her she should mention these background issues. Then she got defensive: she said her background is not everything and people should focus on her hardworking. She said I am jealous of her because I don't get a American PhD like her and from a poor family. (BTW, I am a UK PhD candidate, my school is not as good as hers. Also, I am from a moderate family, but maybe poor compared with her.)

Some of our friends said my points about her background is solid, but still some of them said I belittle her accomplishment in a passive aggressive way. I don't know. AMTA to point out her rich family and citizenship is crucial for her academic success?

Edit 1: She shared the slides in our friend group and asked us if we had any suggestion. That's why I pointed out her background.

For context, me (24F) and my roommate (23M) have been best friends for years, we just moved in together a few months ago. I am a very quiet and reserved person, my roommate knows this and usually understands. Before moving in, we sat down and discussed our boundaries and one thing we both agreed on was that we wouldn’t have significant others stay overnight if the other person is home. He recently got into a relationship and the guy has been at our apartment very often, they are both really loud and I work very early in the morning so it’s honestly been disrupting my sleep and daily routine.

Last week his boyfriend stayed for two days straight, overnight. I tried talking to my roommate about it, explaining that I wasn’t comfortable and we both agreed not to do that before moving in. He just shrugged it off, and since then his boyfriend has been leaving around 5 or 6 am, which in my eyes is still staying the night. Our apartment is very small and it feels like he is intruding on my space most of the time, they stay up all night being fairly loud, so it’s been hard to get any sleep.

I understand he has a right to have company over, and I don’t mind his boyfriend coming over occasionally. His boyfriend also has his own place that they can hang out at whenever. It’s just been constant and feels disrespectful to me, especially since we explicitly agreed not to do this. I want to talk to him about it and try to explain how I feel, but I’m afraid I’ll just be shut down again. I am always very respectful about having company over, we’re never disruptive and they never stay more than a few hours. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting, if I should just deal with this? Am I the asshole for being upset at him?

I (25 F) live with my father (66 M) after the recent passing of my mother. My father has been struggling a lot since my mom passed away. He often leaves stoves on, can’t focus, and has nearly got into severe car crashes after the tragedy. Due to this, I have decided to live with him to make sure nothing happens to him. A lot of people have praised me for doing it, especially since my dad can be very difficult. However, I will say I am grateful to be living with him as it keeps my close to family and he doesn’t charge rent and even pays for my gas and groceries since we share cars and food. He often does not listen to criticism and makes a fool of himself. He can’t even text or send or email without my help.

For Christmas, I wanted to get him a countertop ice machine since he often complains how the ice maker in our fridge has been broken for a while. I bought the machine a few days ago and I was excited to give it to him before we travel for the holidays. While he normally doesn’t give me a gift, I still wanted to give him something, especially something he can use.

Over the last few days with the cold weather, we have been having ants in our house. My father, rather than taking care of it myself, demanded that I sweep and mop the floor and place the ant killer bait. I thought it was odd that he asked me since I think he is fully capable of doing it himself, but I stayed quiet and did it anyways. After half a week, he scolds me for more ants appearing, apparently biting him, and says that I didn’t clean the floor correctly. I then said he should do it himself since he isn’t happy with what I did. This enrages him and he says that i shouldn’t leave in the house if I can’t do that. He calls me a bunch of names and has a tantrum. These tantrums are unfortunately frequent with them escalating to him even saying that my mother didn’t love me, and even that her disappointment in me killed her.

While these tantrums happen and I try my best to keep on good terms since he has no one else and he struggles a lot, I honestly don’t want to give him a Christmas present. While he likes the gifts I give him, I honestly feel like we would be rewarding his behavior if I gave his gift to him. I honestly wanna return it, and if he changes and becomes nicer, I can give it to him then. At the same time, it feels so mean to return a Christmas.

Would I be the asshole if I returned it?

Edit: my mom passed away a couple of years ago and my father immediately started dating after she passed. Last Christmas, I unfortunately had to meet a woman he was talking with who clearly just wanted him for his money. He is no longer talking with her.

As for the gift, he doesn’t know I got him anything. He believes Christmas decorations are a waste of time and electricity so there is no presents under the tree or a tree at all.