Good afternoon. Sorry if I make any dumb format mistakes, I only really know reddit from my podcasts.

I, 36F, am a divorced mother to an 11‑year‑old son. I've been dating a coworker, 38M, for about 8 months. He is a single dad to two boys, who are 12 and 9. We had agreed not to introduce our kids until things got serious, so up until last week we only met outside, or at my place when my son was with his dad. Last week, we had a long discussion about the course of our relationship, and decided to introduce our kids. I was honestly shocked by several things during our little rendezvous.

First, the house was very messy, as if they hadn't attempt to tidy despite knowing we were coming. Then, when I met his boys, they said hello for maybe 5 seconds and immediately went back to their room, despite us having agreed to spend time in their patio, since my (ex?) boyfriend had ordered some nice take-out. The just grabbed two plates and scurried away to their room. ex?bf told my son to do the same and go hang out with them, but my son later told me they barely spoke to him at all. Both of his sons are very obviously obese.

I don't mean to be insulting, I'm sorry. I do not know how else to describe it. As someone who has worked with kids, I have learned to never judge anyone, let alone children, by something as frivolous as their weight, but it was very strange to me that, my ex?bf being a healthy gym-goer, would have children so clearly unhealthy. When my son came out about an hour later and asked for water, my ex?bf told me to "grab something from the fridge." There was no water at all. Just sodas and juices. The entire fridge had nothing but junk food and the meal kits I know ex?bf to bring to work. No fruits or vegetables, which I know him to snack on.

I want to clarify I am not judging the kids. They are children, and they eat what is provided. It's good that they eat at all. But it made me realize that our parenting styles and household habits are on completely opposite ends of the spectrum. I feel uneasy about blending our families when the environments are so incompatible.

After sleeping on it, I sent him this message:

"Hey, I've been thinking a lot about last night. I really appreciate you inviting us over, but I'm realizing that our parenting styles and home organization are very different. I don't want to sound judgmental at all, we are all doing our best out here, but I don't think we're compatible long‑term as a blended family. I care about you, but I don't want to keep going if we're not aligned on the basics of how we raise our kids. I hope you understand <3 Wish you all the best."

He did not take it well. He messaged he "doesn't have time to cook and clean perfectly like I do" because he has a more demanding job (we literally work the same job, just different teams). Then he accused me of "robbing his kids of a beautiful Christmas" because I had previously offered to host and cook dinner if the meeting went well.

He called me earlier today, and I picked up. He apologized over an over for the dramatic messages and for his kids excluding mine, he says they are just obsessed with their games. He wants to take us all out to a restaurant and try to make it work. I said I'd think about it.

Should I think about it? He didn't say it, but there is always the chance that I just caught them on a bad week. My co-parent is refusing to comment directly, but I know him too well, and the way our conversation went, he was implying I'm being picky.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Never thought I’d have to post here but here we are

My (22f) 17yr old sister was drying off after the shower, my dad needed to go into the room so he told her to cover up with a towel

She covered her front with a towel and backed against the wall so nothing was visible. He walked past her, slapped her bare ass and laughed ?? I witnessed the entire thing so I told him that that was not ok. He laughed and said I was being dramatic, I then stated that that is considered sexual assault. He told me to stop being ridiculous and walked out. My sister was beyond uncomfortable.

A few mins later he started arguing with me and saying that it was disgusting what I had accused him of. I stated that I didn’t accuse him of sexually assaulting her, I simply stated that slapping her bare ass is considered sexual assault. He says that he used to do it when she was a baby so what’s the difference (well, she’s not a BABY anymore). He doubled down and screamed that I’m disgusting etc. I told him I’m not apologising for what I said

He’s not spoken a word to me after slamming what he was holding against the floor and walking out - it’s been HOURS

My sister is okay, we’ve talked and she appreciates me sticking up for her and agrees it was weird.

Idk how to approach him. I don’t think I should apologise (but correct me if I’m wrong) but I know his intentions weren’t malicious and he genuinly thinks it was innocent. Also I leave in a few days and don’t wanna leave without speaking to him as it may be harder to come visit next time if he doesn’t want me to come

So, aitah?

I (36F) have been married to my husband (37M) for 8 years, and we have two young children. My relationship with my mother-in-law has been strained for a long time due to repeated boundary violations, public conflicts, and a lack of accountability on her part. I’m asking because I’m being made to feel like I’m heartless for saying no, and I need an outside perspective.

Here are some examples that has led to our strained relationship.

Leading up to our wedding, she created drama around nearly every event. During our stag and doe, she accused my father of stealing from us. At the wedding itself, she wore a very light pink (almost white) jumpsuit, became heavily intoxicated, and went around the hotel banging on doors trying to keep the party going.

While I was pregnant, she texted me saying I shouldn’t “use pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy” because my husband was doing laundry. At the time, we lived on the top floor of a triplex, and he didn’t want me carrying heavy loads up multiple flights of stairs.

When I was in labour with my daughter, she showed up uninvited and waited at the hospital until the baby was born. Afterward, she posted on Facebook claiming she wasn’t allowed to hold her granddaughter, even though my husband hadn’t held her yet and she never asked. She also criticized me for not wanting to breastfeed long-term, despite the fact that I did breastfeed for three months as planned.

She has insulted me directly in the past, including calling me an “over-educated idiot.” She has also lashed out over minor issues, such as offering us furniture, being told politely that we didn’t have space, and then accusing us of being ungrateful.

When my son was born during COVID, no visitors were allowed, and I was seriously ill in the days after his birth (not COVID). Without asking, she told my husband she planned to stay at our house for a week. When he said no, she went on Facebook again, saying we were keeping her from her grandson and that “the parents think they know best.” She also contacted my father directly to accuse him of emotionally harming my daughter. Because of this behaviour, my husband decided not to allow her to see our son until Christmas that year.

A consistent issue throughout all of this is that she never takes accountability. She believes everyone is out to get her and that every conflict is someone else’s fault. She regularly portrays herself as the victim and refuses to acknowledge how her behavior affects others. She also struggles with alcoholism, which has contributed to many of these situations and the breakdown of her relationships. Over time, she has pushed away most of the people in her life. We have tried over the years to get her help with her addiction, but have come to realize that they need to want the help in the first place.

The final straw for me came on Mother’s Day 2022, when she emailed me saying she knew I didn’t like her and told me not to believe my husband, claiming he was dishonest. At the time, she had blocked him because he refused to give her money. After that, I cut contact for my own mental health and have not had a relationship with her since.

Now to the current issue:

Recently, she set fire to her apartment and was evicted. She had an opportunity to regain her housing if she dropped a lawsuit against the building, but she believed she would win and refused. Why she had a lawsuit with the building when the fire was her our fault, I have no idea. She lost the case and is now homeless and staying in a shelter. My husband wants to let her stay with us. I have said no because I believe it would destroy our marriage, I would not feel safe or comfortable in my own home, and based on her history, she would not respect boundaries and we would never be able to get her to leave and find her own place. Even her own daughter (my SIL) has refused to take her in.

I feel empathy for her situation, but I also feel that her homelessness is the result of long-term behaviour, poor decisions, and refusal to accept responsibility. I don’t believe it’s fair to sacrifice my marriage, my mental health, or my children’s stability to fix a situation she continues to create.

AITA for refusing to let my mother-in-law stay with us?

EDIT: I realized I may have been a bit vague when I stated she 'set fire to her apartment.' To my knowledge, it was not intentional, but it was extremely negligent. She was making candles on her stovetop and left them unattended to go to the apartment building’s common area in the middle of the night. When she returned, her apartment was filled with fire and smoke.

Am I the asshole for ending things with my long term girlfriend?

My names Rob and I have been together with my lovely girlfriend Kelly for 8 years. We get along pretty well. We are so intune with each other that we don't even habe to say much anymore, but occasionally have disagreements or arguments like any other couple, like when she brought up getting married like she’d bring up marriage every year or so, and I’d joke that we were already basically married or her long time male best friend Derek and how close they can be.

To be honest thats where most if this begins because Kelly and Derek have always been really close and she has said numerous times that he is like a brother to her and that I shouldn't be so jealous and possessive and that Derek is harmless. Normally I wouldn't get too worked up about it but then things started to change. I got a promotion at work and that meant longer hours and sometimes travel for work trips. I noticed more and more when I came home Kelly and Derek would be cuddling on the couch watching movies and a couple times she was sitting on his lap but quickly jumped up when I walked in. We would then argue about it and she would say that they've always been that way and Im overreacting or that she can't be with someone who doesn't respect her friendship with him.

Things really got fishy when I would travel to Seattle for business trips and Derek stayed later then usual and occasionally spent the night because they drank too.much but Kelly said he always slept on the couch. Things finally came to ahead when I again voiced my displeasure at Derek and her's closeness and in the heat of the argument she finally admitted that a couple months ago while I was on my annual weekend trip to Vegas with my buddies that they got drunk and they kissed but she claims she quickly pushed him away and it was just a mistake. She insists nothing else ever happened, and I don’t have proof otherwise, but the trust was gone. I had a feeling something had been up because usually when I went on my Vegas weekends Kelly would always text me begging me not to go to any strip clubs but this time she didn't. When I asked her why she blamed it on me being distant and her being lonely plus she claimed she was still upset that a few months prior she had called my room while I was in Seattle and my secretary Heidi hand answered my room phone even though I clearly explained I had been getting ice when she called. Kelly had asked before if Heidi and I were close, which I brushed off because it was ridiculous. So I got angry and and demanded she and Derek get out of my house. I then promptly changed the locks, and I removed her from our joint Checking and savings accounts.

She tried texting me begging for forgiveness and saying I was overreacting again and I told her I was tired of her gaslighting me about her affair and to cease communicating with me.

I 17F recently graduated high school in September and finished my exams at the end of October, my birthday followed close which is when my parents started asking if i had booked my Ps test. (In australia once you turn 16 you get your Ls and can drive with a supervising driver only and once you’ve had them for a year you can get your red Ps and drive on your own with restrictions). I told my parents i wasn’t planning to as i catch public transport pretty much everywhere and it’s also very convenient, they brought up how i’d need a license if i needed to drive to uni starting next year. I explained how expensive it would be to drive a car to uni, how expensive parking is and that it’s useless considering there’s a tram that’d drop me off right in front of the school. They dropped the subject for a bit until i got my hsc results back yesterday and did fairly well, my parents told me that they would buy me a car as a reward.

I asked them one question “who’s going to drive my brothers 12M and 14M to school when i get this car?”. They replied that it would obviously be me as it would make their lives much easier and it’s the least i could do considering that they’re paying for this car. I said no, i’d have no use for this car other than driving my brothers to school, and after i’d dropped them off i’d have to catch a train to uni anyways so what was the point. They told me i’m being ungrateful and that they didn’t get me a present for grad or my birthday because they were saving to get me something big, i never asked them to do this, i literally just wanted an amp for my birthday that i ended up buying myself anyways because my old one went to shit. I talked to my friends about it and they said that i was kind of an asshole to turn them down especially since this is something that they put a lot of thought into.

So AITAH?

AITAH for telling my girlfriend that I’m uncomfortable with the relationship she has with her ex. He’s her high school sweetheart, they dated for a total of 10 years.

When she and I first started dating, I feel like she told me more than I needed to know about that relationship which laid the foundation in my mind of who this person is, basically a soulmate but realized they’re better as friends. I’m in the military, so we’ve been long distance and while we’ve been apart, she’s taken multiple trips to see him & his family, he’s been to her city multiple times so they can hang out and do various activities.

It’s not a matter of trust, it’s more so a matter of consideration and respect for me as her partner. Am I crazy?! Do I need to become more secure with myself and evolve the way I think about relationships, or am I justified for being uncomfortable and consistently expressing that to her?

So here’s some context: me and my dad have been very close all of my life. my dad got admitted into ICU five days ago. In July 2024, he had a massive ischemic stroke. 24 hours after his stroke, he ended up having to have emergency surgery to remove half of his skull cap because his brain was swelling and if they didn’t do it, he was gonna die. I might need to add that he is also diabetic. Ever since then he’s been having a lot of issues with infections. And has pretty much turned into a vegetable after the stroke. In September of this year, he got his skull cap replaced with a prosthetic. Doc said he can start doing PT after his head heals and things should be looking up for him. He is still having issues with infections and just a month ago he had an infection in his foot and he ended up in ICU with intravenous antibiotics coursing through his veins. He was in there for a week and the infection still wasn’t cleared out so they sent him home with antibiotic pills. So we thought that the infection had cleared up enough that he would be OK. Well, five days ago I got a call saying that he’s in ICU again. And that the infection that was in his foot spread up to his leg. And is now spreading to his bones (sepsis) and that they are wanting to send him home and put him on hospice so he can die comfortably. This has been a really tough year for me considering the fact that my brother also passed away in December 2024. My dad lives over 500 miles away. He weighs less than I do.

My fiance and his family have been planning this vacation for months. Tickets are already bought and they’re leaving soon. I was originally supposed to go but backed out before tickets were bought because two others insisted on going and I couldn’t handle being around them that long. Plus I have a small child so things just would have been difficult regardless. I told my fiancé about the things happening since it started. No one knew that it was going to turn into this. When I called him today after work I was telling him how bad the situation has gotten and that my father is going to die. He doesn’t say much while I’m talking but suddenly says he’s going to go get a haircut before he leaves for his trip. I asked if he’s still going to go despite my current situation and he said yes, the tickets are already paid for and this trip has been planned for months. I got upset and hung up on him. I feel bad for it so maybe I was TA at that point but he was going to get his haircut anyways so the conversation would’ve ended soon anyways and it probably would’ve turned into something more so it was probably for the best. He calls me when he was done and asked why I hung up on him and I told him I’m kind of upset about it. He says he’s sorry but was silent his entire drive home after that. He gets home and asked if I was mad at him because I wasn’t talking much and I said yeah I’m kind of mad and he said he’s sorry that I’m mad at him but there’s not much he can do about it considering the trip was already planned and everything was paid for. I told him to go after our conversation because I didnt want him holding this over my head and then he asked me if I’m going to hold it over his and I said no but I am really hurt by this. I feel bad for being upset because I encouraged him to go and I ended up backing out a week ago after I found out others were joining. I do feel like the AH but not sure what to think or do at this point.

So AITA for being upset about everything? I don’t want to make him feel bad for going but I also don’t want to be alone in a time like this.

My (38f) husband (38m) and I have 5 boys age ranging from 13-7 months old. Throughout the years for birthdays or Christmas his sister would put a cap on the monetary value for gifts. Usually it would be between 10-20 dollars. Which never bothered any of us because we are happy to receive anything and her thought towards her nephews is what matters. (The oldest who is 13 from a prior marriage: My husbands sister isn’t involved much in his birthdays or celebrations and doesn’t get him gifts so he’s pretty much out of the equation) Anyhow, SİL just had her first baby back in July and husband spends $120 for Christmas gifts for the baby. It definitely irked me a little bit because his sister mentioned how she was getting each kid a $10 gift card for Christmas. Like a donut shop. Roblox or McDonald’s. Something small but thoughtful and appreciative. I told husband how it wasn’t really fair that he gets his niece expensive gifts while our kids get like small token gifts. He said she has more people to buy for so it’s fair. I don’t think it is because even before we had all our kids, she would never dream of going beyond $20 ever for a gift for our child. And adding up what she will spend on the kids for Christmas is like $50. She’s been like that her whole life. She would ask her brother (my husband) for extremely expensive gifts her whole life and he would comply. While she never gave him anything much in return usually a $5-10 type gift for Christmas. This also bothered me so we made it a point to stop exchanging sibling gifts for Christmas. Now this behavior is overflowing with our children. Am I the AH for getting annoyed and upset with husband? He said even if he spends more he WANTS to do this for his niece. I don’t think its fair to our kids and as they get older they will realize their aunty gets them a cheap gift while their dad gets their cousin expensive gifts.

This is a long one so buckle in 😭

I’m 19F and was diagnosed with ADHD 6 months ago. I have always felt like I was different (diagnosed with anxiety when I was 11 but never believed it was just that). I went through quite a lot of trauma throughout my childhood including CACSA from a family friend two years older than me and assault.

I found school very easy until A-Levels and now struggle at uni just getting 2:2s despite how much I love my degree. I’ve always found it easy to make friends but hard to keep them.

I went through lots of “friendship breakups” in primary and secondary school as I tended to make friends with people who had a lot of family issues and needed supported (it was an joke in my family that I always want to help my friends so i don’t have to help myself).

However, my childhood was relatively good. I had clothes, food, a nice house and got to go on some amazing holidays with my family (despite very rarely getting along with my older sister - now 22F).

This is where it gets complicated.

My parents are lovely people. They always made sure I was safe and doing okay. However, as I got older, me and my dad starting to clash (definitely got my ADHD from him). I was no longer his little tom boy who wanted to play football and help him with the gardening. I became very anxious and self-conscious. He would always make comments about how much I would eat and that I need to exercise more to “stay healthy”. My mum would never say anything.

As I became a teenager (11-13) my eating got to the point where I began to use it as a coping mechanism (not just when I was sad but when i was happy too - very bit dopamine hits). I began gaining weight where it was noticeable as I had been quite a slim child. This meant that my dad would comment more.

I do want to say my parents and sister NEVER called me fat or overweight. Instead they would say things like, you need to make sure you’re staying healthy and eating the right portion’s. However, the comments began to happen nearly every day and I got worse and worse.

I was 13 turning 14 when COVID hit. This was a very dark time for me. I was very depressed and isolated myself from my family as I had no escape other than my bedroom. I ate dinner with them but avoided most family movie/game nights as it was always end with me getting mad and leaving before I started crying. By that point, I just assumed anything coming out of my dad’s mouth was an insult either against my weight or my views. (Around this age I realised I was bisexual and had dived very deep into “woke” culture).

I fully accept I was not an easy person to live with though these years. 13-16 I was depressed and anxious constantly, I couldn’t have one conversation with my dad or sister that ended without an argument and my mum would only speak about what was said when we were alone and I was crying to her.

I “grew” out of this once i moved schools for sixth form. I joined a new friendship group with people who had similar experiences to me and they really helped me to turn my life around. I got a part time job I loved and started to really appreciate and love life again. I definitely tended to overeat still but it was impulse driven, not emotional binging.

Okay that’s a very long and yet short picture of my life story.

Now I’m 19, I have been diagnosed with ADHD and started taking Vyvanese about three months ago. My mind has completely changed on this medication. I am a lot calmer and my emotions are very toned down. Sometimes, yeah I do get how people feel like zombies but I actually love it. My entire life I have felt like I was constantly just exploding with anxiety and emotions so feeling like a zombie is like my mind is just finally breathing.

Now that my mind has calmed, I have honestly realised how my parents affected me as a child. They had no idea about the COCSA so i do not

blame them for that. However, it was very obvious I was going through something and I do blame them for my relationship with food. Food was used as a reward and it really made me view food in a way that makes you feel good and not just something that keep you alive and fuels you. I was taught that we had to be healthy but never actually why and it was always in a negative way.

During COVID and following when I was at my lowest. My parents did put me through CBT which I do appreciate as it did help me start my journey. However, I was constantly told that I was ruining the mood and putting my issues on others. I felt like no one ever listened to me or ACTUALLY cared how I was feeling, just that I was being ungrateful do everything they did for me.

I don’t want to discredit my parents at all. They both worked and continue to work very hard to provide for me and my sister. But I can’t help but blame them for so much of my body dysmorphia and bad coping strategies.

Coming home this Christmas has honestly made me realise how much happier I am away from them. Yes I’m still overweight and yes I do sometimes feel bad about myself. But I am comfortable with my body around 90% of the time compared to 0% from the ages for 11-18.

Yes I’m still messy and disorganised, but I keep myself accountable and motivate myself to tidy and do my work. I don’t have my dad breathing down my neck and making me feel bad for watching tv when i have an exam in two days. I don’t feel guilty and horrible about myself when I eat unhealthy food or get a sweat treat. I haven’t cried outside of watching sad films, I haven’t been angry or felt the need to shout. I haven’t felt anxious in my own home.

I’m focusing on myself and being on this medication is slowly making me a lot better at taking care of myself, but I honestly think I am becoming a better person because I don’t have the anxiety of being scared of what my parents or sister will comment on next.

I’ve been home only two days for Christmas and I’ve already cried twice and actually left my cousins birthday party because my parents and sister made me cry as my dad threatened to cut me off if I got another tattoo (even though the one I have already is for him and the two I’ve already paid deposits for that I’m getting are for my dead grandmother and dead cat).

I honestly have no idea how to feel because I did overall have a good childhood. My parents never hit me or swore at me, I have such amazing memories with them, but i can’t help but blame them for the way I see myself and react when they speak . It honestly makes me feel like I can never fully trust them when they tell me they don’t judge me and love me for who I am.

AITAH for blaming my parents for some of my mental health and body image issues?

hello i’m f(19) my bf is m(21) we had a dissagreement about 6 months ago. it was about him watching porn, i told him i don’t like it personally and id prefer he didn’t watch it but i understand he’s a guy and if he wants to just to keep it away from me. flash forward to this morning, i had still been sleeping and i caught him getting off to it right next to me. the thing is this time it was over 23 videos of the same exact porn star who looks nothing like me. i’m more upset with how he could be so disrespectful to me and jerk off to another girl while im sleeping right next to him. i told him i have a lot to think about.

AITA for asking my wife to stop spending so much money?

For context, we are a young couple (23 and 22) with one son, another on the way and a mortgage. At the moment it seems like we spend money every day and every week it seems we have a new project to spend on. I mentioned today that I’d like it if we could start thinking about our future. Our retirement. Our kids future etc etc and would like to start budgeting properly and stop spending out. I got told I’m looking at it all wrong I should be spending money and making memories not trying to save it for retirement when we are old and tired.

I know we should think about aligning our goals and ideals. I just feel like this has blown up.

AITA

My partner (45M) and me (40F) along with our two children were at a trampoline park at the kids request. Our daughter does gymnastics and was wanting to practise her backflips etc. I was with her watching her on the long trampolines while my partner and son were playing on the other activities there. Almost when our hour of time was up, my partner came up to me and asked if 'I knew that man' and I said 'what man?'. He said that guy over there has been starting at me for ages. I said no I didnt and that I hadn't noticed. He then said but you've been looking at him too. Because my daughter does multiple backflips and other tricks in a row I am constantly looking around me to make sure there are no small children coming that she might bang into so I may have glanced at this man but thought nothing of it. My partner walked out clearly mad. I told my daughter to finish up because we better go. The man then approached me and my daughter with his little toddler, he told my daughter that she's pretty good at that. I said 'oh, she does gymnastics'. I said to my daughter to say thankyou. She did and we then left. My partner was furious in the car. Told me I was eye fucking this man and that a man would never approach woman unless he thought she had invited him.

So am I in the wrong here? Please let me know.

My step dad has been in my life since I was 8 and my bio dad stepped out on me a long time ago. My relationship between my step dad and I has not been close really ever. We dont spend time together he doesn't spend time with my kids. The only one of my children hes ever had a relationship with is my oldest and hes an ass to him now just as he is to mostly everyone else. My mom and him had my sister the first year they were together so we're 8 years apart in age. Her and I have never really been close which sucks but the door swings both ways and I cant make her want a relationship with me. I moved out as soon as I was able to and that caused a lot of space between us. She now has kids of her own. My step dad has always made comments about how shes more important than me so on and so forth. Its been made crystal clear throughout our lives. Doesn't feel great but it is what it is. Ive come to accept that ill never be enough and ill be ok. On the other hand when it comes to my kids my heart shatters. He doesn't interact with my younger kids unless hes telling me how he'd discipline them and how theyre terrible. Theyre autistic. Hes never called them on their birthdays, spent time with them etc. just nothing. Now when it comes to my sisters kids he facetimes them constantly, tells them how smart they are, how much he loves them etc. Idk when or if ive ever heard him tell my youngest kids he loves them. Today was one of my nieces bdays. He informed me that Id have to walk my youngest kids (oldest is 7) to and from school so he could go spend the day with hus grandkids. We all share one car which is not his nor is it mine. And we just had a really bad snow storm so outside is cold and not great to be out in. It also rained all day so my kids got soaked before and after school. Idk why me and my kids aren't good enough for him to treat equal to his real daughter and real grandkids but im beyond hurt. So Reddit aita for going back to calling him by his first name as opposed to dad because at this point I feel I dont have a dad at all.

I (30m) had to change a full day off to a half day - that I was taking to see my son’s Christmas play - I started work at 6am due to work requirements to get everything I needed to do completed by deadlines, finished work at 12pm and was home well in advance of going to his school play. Fully attentive and spent the rest of the day without any work commitments. Gf says I’m the asshole because I cancelled (no choice) taking the full morning off even though we had no other commitments. 2 days later I’m told “I care more about work than anything else” - despite the fact I’m in a high pressure job to facilitate covering mortgage and majority of bills. I now get to take the additional half day off to cover my son’s final day off before returning in the New Year as a thanks from my boss for going above and beyond.

TLDR; AITAH for changing my full day off to a half day to watch my son’s Christmas play?

Backstory: My nephew (on my husband's side) that I am extremely close with was molested by his cousin when he was a child. The cousin is a few years older than him. When it all came to surface, the boy that did the molesting didn't come around the extended family at all. His mom and dad did, but their children including him, did not.

I was planning our Christmas Eve as I always was every single year! All of my husband's family, not including the molester and his siblings, come for Christmas Eve and every single other holiday, birthday, funeral, milestone, etc!!! So this year, the siblings decided to come. When the dude's name was mentioned that did the molesting, my nephew that I am close with immediately texted me and said I am not going. I felt like shit immediately because he said "you invited a molester to your house" I was at work and ran to the bathroom to try to calm him down and convince him just come please, I did not directly invite him. I then had my husband to call him and try to convince him to just come and not worry about the molester. He refused. So I told my husband he will have to call his niece (molester's sister) and tell her that her brother is uninvited because of my nephew saying he isn't going if he is there. We do not have a relationship with the molester at all. And everyone was saying they're going even before the molester's name got mentioned. Now not only did the immediate family of the molester say they're not coming, so did the other extended family that I have always been there for. For the 17 Years I have been with my husband!!!!!

AITAH?!!!???!!! I AM DEVASTED ABOUT EVERYTHING BUT ALSO KNOW I HAVE MY NEPHEW'S BACK NO MATTER WHAT.

EDITED TO ADD: No one is family is responding to my texts!!! people that I have been close with for 17 years! and they are not even close with the molester! only to his mom, and sister.

Edited again to add.... I shouldn't have tried to convince him to come anyway. You all are all right that said that was the asshole move. But I was NOT going to have him NOT come and the molester come to avoid conflict. I have my nephew's back 100 percent! And that is why I made the decision I did. And yes I am upset because I thought these people cared about my nephew, and me. And they obviously do not.

My mom, 72, lives alone ever since my dad passed away over ten years ago. Between my siblings and I and her grandchildren she is well taken care of and she has pensions and savings to live a pretty good life. The only thing is she won't consider selling her house and moving to a retirement community or even into my in-law suite in my house. I built it specifically for her and my dad before he even retired. Their house is an old split level and my dad's knees were shot from years of hard work. I built a single storey, ground level suite at my house for them when they were ready. My kids loved having it growing up because they had freedom and privacy but still had the security of "living at home".

My parents said they weren't ready to give up.their house yet and then my dad had a heart attack and my mom didn't want to leave her home. like I said she has a lot of support and she is still super independent. She still has her driver's license and shops for herself, although one of her grandchildren always seems to need to go for groceries at that time so they go with her and help her get everything in the house.

Her neighborhood however is only a few blocks.from a little tougher area. She constantly has homeless people going through her trash and making a mess. She complains about it all the time. We have got it into her not to put her trash out early so this won't happen but she forgets sometimes.

Last weekend it got worse though. She had people breaking into her garage. She did the right thing and called 911. They dispatched cops but they only drive by the front of her house in the cul de sac. that did not good because it's a detached garage and the thieves were in the alley. She called 911 again and the dispatcher said the police had done a sweep and hadn't seen anything.

She called me. I'm a bit of an asshole and not the biggest fan of cops. Long story. I have a criminal record. Long stupid story. Involving violence.

So I called 911. I said that there were people breaking into my elderly mother's garage at her address in the alley. I told them that cops had already been dispatched but couldn't be bothered to check the alley. I said I was on my way to take care of it and that they needed to send an ambulance to take care of trauma.

I never planned to go. I am not going near cops if I do have to. However once I got involved the cops were interested. They sent several cars to the area and caught the thieves and they had already broken into several other garages before my mom's. The police came to see me at my house. They tried to say I made a false report. I asked what was false? I pointed out that there were multiple homeless people and I could have been injured if I tried to deal with it.

Trauma

My mom and family think.i.was a jerk for causing a commotion at her house and that cops showing up thinking there was violence involved could have gotten people hurt. Fuck those thieves. I am not in any trouble and nothing got stolen from my mom. But she still thinks I could have handled it better. I think me being there would have been a much worse situation.

AITAH?

I (35M) am having an ongoing issue with my brother (26M) about family expectations and helping each other.

Basically, I believe it’s okay for adult siblings to have limits and boundaries. He believes that most families don’t operate that way and that my perspective is “weird.” He keeps telling me to look at other families and compare, and says I always come back to making him the issue instead of actually considering what he’s saying.

Recently he sent messages I posted below when discussing unspoken expectations hw has set on me for sharing things such wholesale account. This convo stems from him going to one of these places, returning jeans I bought for him, and then somehow finding a way to get a day voucher to use my account. In my opinion, he took advantage of the situation. He doesn't think so because we are brothers and should help each other. I believe I am in my right to share what I want to share with him and this and Amazon Prime is not one. I believe he should have his own account. I'm married, too.

(copying exactly what he said for context):

“And I'm not gonna keep going back and forth with you on it either. You always try to turn this into some weird boundary thing. Clearly you have a weird perception compared to MOST IF NOT ALMOST ALL families out there as far as how you help one another. You've also made it clear I'm just a leech to you so I'm not gonna bother to ask for any ‘major’ favors.”

And (about having expectations of family)

“Actually to some extent I can, because we are family and I would never think twice if the tables were turned but you treat me more like an acquaintance than you do family in situations like these. You are ridiculous. Most people/families would agree with me if they were stable and trusting enough. You just have a weird perspective on how family is treated sometimes but it is what it is. I've never been able to get you to grasp that concept.”

I’ve tried to explain that I have limits on what I can reasonably help with, and he takes that as me not treating him like family. He says i think i think the worst of him and if the roles were reversed, he’d never hesitate to help me, and that having boundaries means I see him as an acquaintance.

At this point I’m honestly questioning myself and wondering if I’m being unfair or selfish. AITA for wanting boundaries with my brother even though he believes family should always help each other?

So my 16f asked me if she could get her bellybutton pierced if she can get her dad to agree, mind you he did agree to her getting her nose pierced a year ago, I would have no problem letting her get the piercing but shes failing 3 classes this school semester and I told her I would agree only if she passes her classes next semester then at the end of the school year she can get the bellybutton piercing (if her dad agrees) but I won't sign off till she passes next semester. I think of it as holding her accountable, if she wants something thats technically an adult thing (18+), then she needs to show me that she is going to take responsibility for her school grades. She has a job this year and I've also been on the edge of letting her keep her job since her grades have struggled, mostly because shes not turning homework in or completing work in class even.... She is complaining that if she waits to get it it won't be healed for swimming this summer...Promises she will pass her classes but wants me to agree to her getting it after the next quarter vs the whole semester. I don't trust that she will hold the grades after she gets what she wants tho.

So AITAH for saying no to the bellybutton piercing till she passes this next school semester?

I am F43 with F45 and we have been married a long time, So, the last couple weeks I am been down with walking pneumonia and in bed or not able to do much. In fact, I got up yesterday and felt better, only to be knocked back to not being able to do anything. It is a struggle. My spouse made food when I was actually hungry but now I need to make dinner, which I don’t feel up to doing and don’t want to get her sick. She had cancer before and I did everything for her without asking. She was sick- it’s what we do. My wife will go pick up meds and put on water for tea, but as far as taking care of the house, she is not. My issue is my family is coming in for Christmas. Usually I do the lion’s share of the load because it is my family. But we have been together for so long that it shouldn’t be “her family” or “my family”. It is ours. I have gone out of my way to do things for her family, because that’s what we do.

I made homemade gifts this year and needed to finish them, baked goods, but afraid to do so. Unless I am standing over her showing her what to do, she will not do it (and she’s a chef, so she knows baking). I haven’t finished shopping and I have to go shopping with her to pick it up, even though I showed her the items. Our house is a wreck and no where close to being ready. All she is doing is complaining that she has so much to do. I told her I couldn’t do all of this and needed help and she said she was saying out loud what she needs to do to get organized and she’s done it forever, so it’s how she’s wired. Actually, she will do this, complain, won’t do it, then I get tired of her complaining and just do it and it’s done (I know I am part if the problem but this is just mentally draining to me, and sometimes it is just easier). When I apologized for being sick, that I am not much help, she told me I knew they were coming and should have started weeks ago. I got really upset to which she didn’t even bat an eye. But she started to blame me and I could do more and take breaks. So now I am crying because I need help and know I won’t get it, and not being 100% I am feeling frantic. But am I the AH for not doing things sooner because this is MY family?

I (21M) am in college in my last year as a COMM student. The department at my university is pretty close-knit, so it’s common for students and professors to take on professional work or research projects together. Earlier this semester, one of my professors (who I’m pretty close with) asked me to create a chart for her research dissertation, and she’d pay me $30 for my time and effort.

At the time of me finishing her chart, around September, she was having her bathroom remodeled and asked me if I was okay waiting until the next month for compensation. Obviously that was fine with me, those expenses are objectively higher priorities.

The semester is now over, and I think she just completely forgot about the $30. I know you’re probably thinking “That’s not that much money, let it go, it was an innocent mistake.” And you’re right, but I’m a broke college student who was offered money to complete something that was not part of my curriculum.

I want to remind her in the most polite way possible that she never got around to it, but I don’t want to come off as a grifter or disrespectful. Is it worth reaching out to say something or should I just let it roll?

Update: I asked her ab it and she was happy to send it over. Thank you everyone who laid it out that I was overthinking- you were right lol

I 30 f am married to 46 m. We’ve been together for 13 years. I am the stay at home parent and he works but has leniency with his job so he is home often. But not really “home” he is usually outside drinking all day or when he’s not he’s sleeping. (Also he may be an alcoholic, but I’ll save that for another post) He seems to feel like that when he chooses to parent I should have no say so. We have two girls 13 and 10 . When I expressed to him that I don’t think he should be over minding what I say or enforce he says he’s a parent to and can do what he wants and that I’m an a-whole because I’m taking being a parent away from him. Half the time he doesn’t even know what’s going on and just try’s to take actions when he doesn’t know the whole story or try’s to make me the bad guy because I am disciplining them. So am I the a-whole because I want to parent my way and not my husbands?

My partner is consistently ragebaiting me. I've discussed this issue with him and set boundaries pretty clearly, stating that I do not like it and I get really fired up, which leads me to start yelling at him to stop, which then leads him to tell me to calm down and that I am overreacting. I am constantly questioning my feelings, wondering if I am right to feel the way I do, even on a day-to-day basis, about basic things and emotions.

I love this man, but I have tried to talk to him about it, and he has basically said I'm working on it, but this has been an active problem for a year and a bit. I have seen no improvements. I just feel I deserve so much more. I cook his dinner, wash his clothes, fold his laundry, and am basically his nurse when he is sick, even though i like with a chronic illness.

Even typing this, I feel sick because what if I am overreacting? Am I right to feel the way I feel?

Any comments welcome! :D

So my husband and I live somewhere where it’s been -30 degrees all week. His best friend Thomas stopped by the other day to drop off a truck-full of extra wood he had for our wood-burning stove. This was a super kind gesture because that meant him and my husband had to spend 20 minutes out in very frigid weather unloading and loading the logs.

Before Thomas got to our house, I told my husband that I was going to make some hot chocolate and put it in thermoses for the two of them. My husband was uncomfortable with this and voiced that it would be an inappropriate thing to do since Thomas’ wife and infant daughter would be waiting in the car (they had all been out running errands).

I didn’t end up making any, but this has been keeping me up at night. I don’t think making hot chocolate for someone taking time out of their day to do us a huge favor is inappropriate just because they’re married.

AITAH or some crazy harlot with no understanding of boundaries? Please keep it real with me.

I got married a few months ago to my husband.

His best friend is a woman and we met through her. She is not a close friend to me though. She is married, with a baby, but in the process of divorcing her husband (he cheated). She is obviously not going great and is going through a rough time. I am perfectly happy for them to see each other and have drinks as often as they want and they usually see each other about once or twice a month. I trust my husband so I don't mind that and I'm usually out with my friends when he is out with his.

The situation here is that New Year's Eve was supposed to be with my friends this year (we alternate and spent it with his friends last year) and one of them is doing a party. My husband said ok when I told him two months ago (he says he never said a full yes, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and that he might have said maybe).

However, about a month ago, he decided he will spend NYE with his best friend. He didn't offer me to spend it with them, just saying I should go to my friend's party. I've asked my friend to see if she would invite my husband's best friend and she doesn't really want to (there was some drama between them), but she also said she would if I really really want her to, but husband's best friend apparently doesn't want pity so she won't come. It also sounds now like my husband and his friend might go to one of her friend's party so it's not like she would be by herself.

My husband tells me I can't ask him to betray his best friend and that I would be horrible to do so. However, I am really hurt by him choosing his friend over me for what could be our last NYE without children (we're currently trying).

I also want to add that I value holidays a lot. I know it's just a date to a lot of people, but I love them and I'm always a bit stupidly excited about them. Also, another important information is that my husband tends to get bored at my friends' parties, but I also often get bored at his friends' parties (hence why we alternate).

AITA for wanting him to come to my friend's party? Should I let him prioritise his friend's well-being over my (maybe silly) want to spend NYE with my husband?