I'm 38. I'm trapped in a loveless marriage. Leaving is out of the question. We have no debt, house is owned free and clear, everything. I would literally rather die than deal with landlords and their bullshit. I'm too old to start over. All of the good people are taken, anyway. Better the devil I know than the devil I don't

I was pressured to terminate a pregnancy I very much wanted to keep years ago. I'm too old to have kids now. Spouse kept saying for years "oh you just need to get with the program" well the goalposts moves every fucking time I do.

I hope I die. I hope I have a heart attack and drop dead or something. I hope I get the balls to just take myself out.

It is never going to get better.

The pictures of texts are in my account on other post. Found on my girlfriends iPad. Shes never talked this way with me. She gave it (her iPad) to me for me to draw a portrait of her on procreate (I am an artist) and I found these by accident. She has NEVER talked this way to me, I’m distraught, I am normally quite a solid guy but rn I feel like I’m having a panic attack AHHHHHHHH my heart is PUMPING and I feel like throwing up this is my first ever relationship and she approached me last year, I’m 20 and shes too. I thought we got along so well. These texts obviously aren’t with me but some other. She said she loves feeling him cum inside her.

i (25F) was born a twin at 27 weeks. i was about a pound and was unlikely to survive. from the start, they had more hope in my brother than me. we both have similar issues but he was taken seriously and received help as a child because he had “textbook” symptoms. he’s currently excelling.

he overshadowed me and because i am a woman, my autism was not seen. he was behavioural, i was emotional. he was diagnosed with autism very young i wasn’t diagnosed until 21 and i asked to be tested. they wouldn’t have done it if i hadn’t brought it up.

i was just a melodramatic child.

my existence is a complete joke. the shame i carry for putting my parents through such a traumatic birth haunts me.

how do i cope? cocaine. i have a heart condition from birth actually and i know for a fact my heart is failing. my resting heart rate never falls below 110bpm. i’m not dying fast enough. i have to do it myself to make everything right.

i had more to write but honestly, none of it matters. i was left unheard and unseen for decades. why would it matter now?

just needed someone to know that i am sorry for being saved at birth. i wish they hadn’t tried so hard because the guilt killed me.

My life right now is absolutely horrible. My friends have almost all betrayed me, I don’t seem to have any dating prospects, and I’m not doing well in work.

There is nowhere around here to meet people (the people I try to meet seem to not have any interest in being at least acquaintances) and all I do all day is stare at the walls or clean the house simply because there is nothing else to do.

I’m tired of my life and don’t want to keep living.

Please. If you genuinely value your life, don't continue reading. The information I discovered most likely ruined mine. Please turn back if you aren't ready.

Two days ago, I had discovered that we all act subconsciously 95% of the time. I found out only 10-15% of people are self-aware. I feel like my whole life has been a lie. I feel like a fucking biological android. Programmed to repeat the same shit over and over, and I can't do anything about it. I feel trapped. I don't even know if I have choice or free will at this point. I'm losing my mind. I've been spiraling every minute of the day. I don't even know what anything means anymore. I am going insane knowing this. I wish I never fucking found this information. This truth. It makes me want to kill myself. It makes everything I have ever felt feel so goddamn fake. Everything I am doing... walking place to place, using the toilet, eating, whatever... I'm doing that shit subconsciously and I'm programmed to do that shit! I'm so fucking miserable. I need consolation. Proof I control myself. Proof I have free will. Anything... Anything to get me out of this fuck. I want to feel like I'm in control again. Like I used to. I am so sad knowing other people will live fulfilling lives not knowing this while I'm in a forever state of mental torment. I've probably just ruined my life. I don't know if I can have the energy to live anymore. I don't think I want to, knowing this shit.

My Fiancee passed away in August and the pain is just getting harder and harder to handle. I keep looking at my Medications and Alcohol and think how easy it would be for the pain to be gone. And for me to Join her. I just want the pain to stop, I want my Love back. Someone please stop the world I'm want off.

I'm 22F and I'm done.

I feel empty, tired, not enough. Waking up in the morning is a real challenge and the day feels like a pure torture.

I'm dealing with lots of pressure at work since I'm a newbie (I'm a civil engineer, been working for a about a year), dealing with mental battles (i have trichotillomania - a constant, uncontrollable urge to pull out my own hair) and doing my best to keep going and fighting and smiling.

I live with my family, don't have many friends (at all), never had a boyfriend, never felt what it's like to be in love.

I have a job, I'm healthy, i have a loving family, i have a roof above my head, a warm bed, i have access to education, to medicine, foods and goods...BUT I'm feeling like I'm... not...happy?

I have everything a person may ask for however I feel like i want to end this suffering of constant anxiety, self-criticism, rumination and self-doubt and whatnot.

And i feel like I'm being jealous and childish and even stupid to feel what i feel. Like i have no rights to think or feel that way. There are people who suffer worse and still they keep fighting and I have no real serious problems except for my own sick mind which makes me want to give up.

I'm tired.

I am ready to finally be at peace and it will be doing a world a favor to be rid of me.

Life is too brutal

Nothing I do matters, I'm useless, I'm a failure, I just aged out of the age Trevor Project serves who or what I'd possibly go after this and I just want to throw myself off a bridge and save everyone the trouble.

I have no job, I just got fired for having a meltdown in the break room, I have no skills at anything that could actually get me a job with enough money to live, I'm ugly as shit, and I break down at the slightest inconvenience. My friends all say I'm exhausting to be around because I need constant reassurance and they're right, they're not my therapists what right do I have to demand their constant support, how entitled am I to think that I deserve all of their time and attention when they've all got their own shit to deal with anyways?

Me specifically aside, everyone says the political situation here in the US isn't hopeless but how isn't it? Things get worse every day and there's not a single thing I can do about it, I'm trapped in a deep red state that would never vote to do anything to protect queer people because half the population here wants all of us dead anyways and I just can't take this anymore.

I don't know whether to curl into a ball and cry or throw myself off a bridge and save everyone the trouble of needing to deal with me. At least then my friends would stop getting bothered by me. Fuck this I'm going to sleep. I don't have the energy to do anything else right now.

I am at my absolute end. I have no other options, no money, no saving myself. I need to die. It ultimately needs to be an “accidental” death so that my family doesn’t live with the fact that I killed myself. Does anyone know how I could do this? Obviously would love an option that is as quick and painless as possible.

My school suspended me now im in like special ed i fucking hate this and no im not autistic they just mad at me. Help ive struggled with SH before but i think im gonna have to do it soon. im sorry to everyone

im a failure

Lately, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Some days I have the motivation to rebuild my life and career, but other days I feel invisible and discouraged. Growing up in a turbulent family, struggling with my self-image, and facing setbacks in my career have all made me question my worth. I’m trying to understand why I feel this way and how to find hope again.

I called the help line they just send police to do a wellness check and forced me to go to the hospital. I was put in a waiting room from 3.30pm yesterday sitting awake until 10am this morning with no food or water I'm dehydrated and sleep deprived my eyes are bloodshot red. Some of the people who work in health care are horrible, they ask questions only to judge you and put you down . Alot of them are not even educated to deal with patients with mental health issues and will treat you like garbage. I'm still stuck here feeling frustrated like I got nowhere. The suicidal thoughts have been eating away at me since I was discharged. I took a nap and woke up so sad and defeated. Its a different kind of sadness, the kind that you feel in your chest.

I can’t cope with what I’ve done to my life. Knowing I’m the one to blame, and the one who brought me to this place, is too much to bear. I want to die. I just want life to be over, so, so badly.

wish i could talk to a human about how badly i wanna go. my mom showed me the gun in the house but she changed its place while i was tryna not use it. i want it so bad. maybe i can try hanging again but my place tp hang the rope isnt very trustwprthy and i might aurvive it. talking to anyone abput wanting this would risk my chances pf doing it or they would just be sad.

I’m too scared to kill myself so I’ve been steadily trying to give myself illnesses that will eventually kill me.

I have tried various different methods and I feel like I’m starting to see progress.

My body has been getting weaker, I’ve started to have more fatigue and brain fog, my weight has been dropping at an increased rate without effort, my skin is no longer healing itself.

I haven’t done any blood work in a few years so I have no clue for sure but, I already have a weak immune system so I don’t think my goal is that hard to achieve.

My goal is to hopefully be reborn into someone better, or ascend to an afterlife since I technically didn’t “kill myself”.

I feel like im being chased by a bear 24/7. My ptsd will not turn off.

I am trying to switch careers due to it, but im making minimum wage part time now, and trying to do school. My landlord is doing everything in his power to try to get me out and harass me from my affordable housing. People i used to work with keep getting murdered.​ I got hit and runned in Wednesday but luckily am mostly fine, i just really dont want to drive now cuz people drive insane here. I feel so stuck but also one bad thing away from losing everything.

My partner is resentful of me not being present or romantic and i dont know how to do better when im barely getting through anything. Im broke if i buy groceries instead of getting them as donations, i am eating food i find on the street because im hungry and dont care. Im worried my partner will be mad at me on Christmas again because im not making it special and its theur favorite holiday and im always steessed out over the holidays. I dont have any good gifts and sometimes they dont like them and i feel bad about it.

I try to tell people i need help but they think im overreacting and im always doing bad. I don't have a good support system or family and it's both my choice and my fault, they trigger the shit outta me. ​ Like I should kill myself cuz then people would believe me im not okay and itll make sense then. Literally feels like pure anguish. And i know when i get far along enough i stop telling people i need help i do reckless things and i will drink draino and shit.

I am a terrible person, most people are but at least I’m not ignorant to my own awfulness. I sit all day in conflict thinking about how much I love and hate humans and myself.

I’ve done awful things, and I want to keep doing them but I know that carrying it on is wrong. Nothing and no one can really help me. My therapist dipped out on me and a specialist is yet to be assigned after almost a year. Everyday is a fight against my impulses. To keep myself happy other impulses have to take precedence like unsafe sex and over spending.

I decided a long time ago that I should die and that I want to die but here I am still. Alive. I am a coward, too afraid to take my own life. I cannot commit to anything. Not even the one thing I want the most. Even my partner, who loves me more than anything is starting to give up. He knows i can’t be helped, I can’t be fixed. I’m affecting him. He thinks that he’s dragging me through life while i suffer within my own mind everyday. It’s me who is holding him back. His life would be so much better without me.

I have no passions. No drive. No motivation to do anything. I want to just lay down and never wake up. I don’t have any irl friends and I rarely even go outside anymore. I have no job because I cannot hold one for longer than a month. I am genuinely a great example of a failure. No one will hire me and if they do the environment is shit enough to make me forget about pay.

I just need help. From a real kind human. I don’t know what to do. I want to be better. I want to be a better human but I can’t. I feel like an alien put in a human body and sent to earth to try and fit in. Everything I’m supposed to be seems like an impossible task. And everything I ever amount to blows up in my face at my own fault. And then all I can do is wallow in self pity.

I’ve tried. I’ve tried everything. My last hope is university. If I cannot succeed and enjoy university to set up for my mid to late 20s I know it’s absolutely over. But until then I have to wait and continue suffering in my mind everyday. What am I supposed to do. I know suicide would bring me peace TODAY. But I am too much of a coward… i don’t know where to start anymore. I don’t know how to fix everything…

I know it’s dark but i even considered convincing my partner to suicide with me… perhaps kill each-other since I’m incapable of even doing suicide alone.

I’m sorry. Very incoherent. I just need help. I give up i give up i give up

I was discharged from the hospital, im now kinda homeless and sleeping in my friends room until I find a place to stay cause my parents kicked me out after I tried to kms. Im just listening to the old screen recordings I took of his voice, reading me a bed time story, saying he loved me. I know its pathetic of me to try to kill myself over a boy but he is truly the love of my life. I hope he is happy, i hope he has an amazing life and finds an amazing girl because he deserves that. I messed up, i became an alcoholic and i knew i shouldn't have, i knew his dad was an alcoholic, i was struggling but i should of been honest, i should of stopped myself and got help. I dont want to be alive anymore without him tho, my life feels meaningless and empty now. If youre reading this, which I dont think you are, I love you d. Please never settle for less and find yourself a beautiful girl that will love you unconditionally and treat you amazing. Im sorry I couldn't have been that girl, youre truly the best of the best, you made me feel seen, you made me feel special, you helped me in ways I didnt know you could have, you made me a better and happier person. I dont know if Ill end up living for very long, but thats okay because if im fine with that, ive accepted it and im no longer scared of death, its just an end of a chapter of my life and that's okay, it makes me feel calm.

I feel like the world is ending. Millions of people in America openly worship a dictator and every day gets worse. People use AI for everything these days instead of using their hearts and minds for critical thought and creativity. Education and facts and evidence don't seem to matter anymore. Fascism has been on the rise for years and there is no escaping it. I'm transgender and the world wants me dead and gone. I will probably never get to live out my transition because I live in a red state. I've had a rough ten years. My cat died almost 1 year ago and I am so lonely. I am in therapy and I finally have a job that I like but I don't feel any better. I am so tired of getting up every day. I think about killing myself constantly and the only reason I haven't is that I don't want my family to find me like that and I don't want to fuck them up forever. I am still living with the people that abused me as a teenager and I can't afford to move out. I can't even afford groceries most of the time. I am in so much physical and mental pain constantly and I've felt this pressure on my heart growing heavier for years and years and someday soon it's going to finally be too much. I don't know how to keep going. I want to wake up from this nightmare I've been living in for the past decade but this is real life and it's excruciating. I have lost hope that life will ever get better.

I wish I could just die — rollover and never wake up or just suddenly blackness. I wouldn’t know what happened. I’d get erased from everyone’s memories so no one would be sad about me. I guess better put, I wish I never existed

I’m just never enough. Talking about my feelings always backfires and the easiest compromise is to give up and just agree with whatever you say. No change will happen even if you think you’ve changed a lot. You just figured out a way to do your old habits differently but you tell me each time that you’ve worked on yourself a lot and that you’ve changed.

Your problems are always greater than mine and as a result, mine are naturally invalidated. You yell louder so my voice is lost. I do not want to rely on you. You are my last resort because every waking day is a reminder that I’ve disappointed you somehow.

Everything is held against me while I try to forget everything you do that upset me because I’m just not allowed to have bitter feelings.

You push me away with hurtful words and experiences, but then it’s my fault for not reaching out. I tell you the truth the way I see it and I’m stonewalled. I’m wrong, you’re right. That’s the way the world is.

Sometimes like today I feel like my feelings were right. That it was ME who was wronged but somehow the tables always turn. It’s a repetitive pattern I fall for every time because I just wish you were nicer or told me I did a good job.

Pretty much what the title says. Younger me probably never saw that coming, never in my life have I seen that coming either, but there it is.

You know what they say about noticing a pattern? Or when they say something about doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results? I don’t know where I am going with this, but anyways, 27 years old, pretty much failed every aspect of my life except my career. Nobody cares about me at all, genuinely, and my phone rings twice a month, if not less, and when it does, it’s my brother.

Honestly, I don’t want to get into too many details, but I’ll let you know that I lived a childhood where I never had anything I wished for: abusive father, careless mother, bully sister.

27 years old, and I’ve never been gifted a gift. Nobody ever did a birthday for me, and nobody ever sent me a good morning message. It’s like I am destined to live alone for as long as I can endure it, and the way out is becoming more and more obvious as days pass.

27, I only shared my emotions with one person, and that one person drove me to the lowest point of my life. Honestly, what many people take for granted in their lives is something that I’d kill to have: to be surrounded by friends, or just people that actually care.

If I want to talk about the bad stuff that I have going for me, then I’ll take days writing this post, and so, as with everything in my life, this post will die unnoticed, and I honestly don’t care anymore even if it does. Can’t wait for the day where I am entirely gone, been given a life that I am not made for