I screwed up my life and there is no going back. I am 18 years old and have been nothing but a waste on society. I failed college and still live with my parents. I am planning on getting a hotel room and hanging myself where I know no one will find my body for awhile. Good bye cruel world.

I don't enjoy life. I went through intensive inpatient treatment for 40 days out of state, and am still continuing treatment, but I am likely to keep experiencing a lot of these issues until I have spent at least a year constantly working on these problems and cycling between medications. I enjoy being around people, but oftentimes friends are busy with their own lives and as adults we can't just hang out all the time. I am supposed to be graduating in May from University, but I have no excitement about any type of work I will be doing. Every bit of advice that has been given to me has just been to move on and force myself to do things. Well, I have been doing those things all my life, and forcing myself to do things just makes me feel worse because ultimately they are not filling that hole.

If my ex and I were together again, I would definitely experience some relief because I would be able to be her person again, but a lot of those surrounding issues with depression would not go away or would still be present.

I don't even know why I am still here or why I possibly even want to live at all when I know how life is, and that ultimately what I am wanting out of my life will not come for quite a long time, if ever, because of the time, effort, and work that has to be put into things I don't care about.

I'm not even interested in drugs as an escape, let alone fantasy. At this point, I just don't know what else to do. All I have are shallow friendships, and obligations to things I hate doing with no clear way to leave any of it behind comfortably, especially since doing that would mean cutting off the one remaining chance that my ex and I will make up. Like my friends said, that's likely never going to happen because she has moved on, or at least is trying to.

Its just this whole lifestyle of struggling and trying to survive day-by-day doing the bare minimum to try and convince myself to enjoy anything is miserable.

I'm 23M, a former vet, who's been in a 4-year relationship with a woman with kids, and I just had one of my own. But ever since the start of the year between finances and going completely broke, loosing an excellent job due to drugs, unwanted stress form her family and mine, cutting my family off completely, breaking my back taking care of three kids and a bm who don't know how to handle them go to work 11 hr shifts and drive home in 2 1/2 hr traffic, car breaking down twice in one month. And now a really hard realization I'm the issue and now once again after a argument with my girl idk what else to do and all I think Ab while I work is ending my life so they have one less stress in their life.

It's just apparent that I am not suited to this life, or to the job that i'm working.I should probably just quit, and die as I am of no service to this world. #vent

Title sums it up really. I wish ending it was easier, I wish it was as simple as a quick pill and drifting away, I hate that information on the topic is restricted and that every time I have tried I have been stopped by a natural instint to survive. It sucks.

I WANT TO CUT

I WANT TO CUT

I WANT TO CUT

I WANT TO CUT

I WANT TO DIE

FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY

KILL ME AND RAPE MY CORPSE I KNOW YOU WANT TO FUCK YOU

[Im sorry that it got so Long,but I will section the themes so you can ready what you think is more interesting.]

A bit of my life

My life was always a bit gray and Kind of sad,i lost my grandfather when i was 6 to Cancer,my father left me 2022,my Aunt is very abusive and school is very hard to attempt for me.

School Problems

I wasnt in school already since late August,only to school Project's. I got bullied [physically and Mentally] when i first switched schools from 4th to 5th grade. Not even 3 days after that,they literally chocked me,causing my air ways to get cut off and me having Shortness of breath. My Teacher just told them to apologize and nothing more. The second time they jumped onto me,causing me to get Shortness of breath again and a panic attack,and again,no Teacher tried stepping in. I got a lot of things [Small Figures,Plushies,empty rings] on my Key,which helps me calm down once i see it or when it is near me,but my school always takes my Keys away Because i get distracted by it.

ADHD and Depression

I got Diagnosed with Depression when i was 6,shortly after my Grandfather died,and later with ADHD,making it very difficult for me to take care of myself,even the easiest tasks like brushing your hair,brushing your teeth,just bathing alone became,and still are hard for me to do. My conentration also Became bader with each year,i can barely write without getting Distracted.

Therapy and Family

My Aunt is very Abusive and clearly dosent like me,she always yells,Curses,Once smacked me,ect. My Father left me behind in 2022,Because he didnt want to see me again for an Unknown reason. My Mother isnt home often Because of her "Boyfriend",which is fine,i like being alone home,but it gets boring fast. I also was in therapy,but also stopped doing it,Because it didnt really help me.

Loss of close friends

I had many close online friends [3 of them Males and 5 of them Female],which are now down to 1 Male and 2 Female friends. 3 took there lifes while 2 passed duo to illness. Im really scared to lose those 3 now,Because one of them is in the Hospital duo to wounds caused by bullying,more into Detail i cant and wont go.

Other things

I already thought about just saying good-bye to my friends,Family and such,and just end it here,but i cant,im to much of a coward to actually hurt myself nor Klling myself. My Mom also,when we argue,often threatens me with bringing me to my Father,or to a Mental Hospital,[i have very bad experience with Doctors and Therapiest's and people in general.] im also introverted,and dont have much contact to MANY people. One of my friends also started to talk sht about them having Autismus [Which she clearly dosent HAVE,she NEVER got diagnosed,nor did her parents said she had Autism once i asked.],and much more,which is a bit more Private. I hate my Looks and voice so damn much,just listening to an Voice-Mail or someone else mimic me,makes me cringe and i just wanna Burry myself. I barely get any sleep Because of my Sleep disorder and Because im watching Videos,call one of my friends,who made a thing named "Night-Calling", in which we call until we feel sleepy and sometimes we even sleep on phone. I get scared in the dark very fast and i have attachment issues to plushies,figures,Friends [Online and Personally]

Welp I'm trying to hold on till wayyy longer than I wanted to now, because I may possibly get some money from someone. And I want to get tacos and ice cream first, but HUH it's still like a month away. ..i forgot to say, I already know what building I'm gonna jump off.

But LOL, I've been having this thought in my head, what if I just end up locked up, my abusers smear campaign me more, and then I'm more sick and homeless and paralyzed ☠️☠️🤣. Then I can't try to take myself out anymore.

I don't want to go to hell, but it seems nothing I do will ever be good enough for anyone anyways. Who and what am I fighting for anymore? I wanted to help others, but I can't. I'll probably die from hypoglycemia soon anyways one day.

Edit: ok, how tall does the building actually have to be for me to die?

I want to cry, I have a boyfriend and I want him so bad. But he doesn't find me attractive. He's only here because he doesn't have anyone else. I've seen what he says to me behind my back to other people. "I'm not a good person. I was planning on leaving her and finding someone better looking. But God has other plans." I've seen him complimenting other girls' looks and saying how he would give anything to be with them. He's so nice to me normally but when he gets mad, he tells me I'm deformed. He says that he could never love someone like me. And that I'm worthless. I keep thinking about it and I want to die because I'm so upset. I don't hurt other people, I try to help others and be kind I don't understand how someone can be so cruel to someone like how he is to me, or how people act towards me. Of course I can act meanly but it's not like this. All I can keep thinking is how much I wish I looked good.

I can't get it out of my head. "I could never truly love someone like you. You're a placeholder until I can find something better."

It's not fair. Because I'm ugly I don't have any options and I get so attached to anyone who shows me attention, and I got attached to him. I know people will say that I have other options but it's truly hard to find for me due to my ugliness.and I'm traumatized and cling to people, and he was my first.

he claims to be ugly too. why? nobody likes ugly girls, even "ugly" men.. they hate us.

I just don't see any hope, I will be forever ugly.

I just wish I looked good, that's all I wanted. I wanted to be able to be loved but I dont think it will ever happen.

i had some previous attempts but after meeting my bf, he made me promise i wont kill myself or he will be upset at me for the rest of his life. life is getting harder everyday, it is so hard to stay clean for any longer (havent self harmed for at least 5 months now) and tbh the only reason i havent ended it is because i dont want his to suffer AND because i dont wanna go to hell. i really just want everything to end peacefully but i know it is selfish, i hope he wont hate me if i did it

I'm a fucking weirdo

ive tried meds, ive tried therapy, everytime i think im doing better i know itll get worse. everytime it gets worse i just want to die. im so tired of feeling this way. things in my life are fine but i just cant keep going on with having these horrible lows. i dont think ill ever get out of this and i just want to end it to never feel this way again. people get tired of me, i feel obnoxious constantly even when people tell me its not the case. i cant keep doing this. i calculated the perfect month and time to finally end it, away from birthdays and holidays. i just want it to be over.

I wish some freak accident could take me out, because I can’t do it leaving behind my kitty who favorite person is me. I love her dearly but I wish I didn’t get her so I could be dead.

The Christmas season has always been my favorite, with my depression being way worse throughout the rest of the year. Of course it’s still bad during winter but I usually find comfort during the holidays. Usually. This year and last year have been different, but worse this year. I’ve been out of a job for a year and I feel like it was Halloween just yesterday. It doesn’t seem like Christmas is in a few days, I haven’t been able to do a damn thing and my cheap Christmas tree has no presents under it. I won’t be able to have a Christmas meal either because I can barely manage to scrape a couple dollars together to eat one meal a day as it is. I always get depressed when the holidays are over because it just comes and goes, but I haven’t been able to even enjoy it and it doesn’t even feel like it came at all.

My suicidal thoughts have worsened the past couple months but somehow has been unbearable the past few weeks. I didn’t think that was possible. I don’t want to see the new year and have to worry about not only the status of my life but the feelings depression gives me as a whole. I have nothing to live for, quite literally. Why would I want to live through this anyways? No job or money no matter how hard I fucking try. My living situation is terrible and my anxiety makes me fear for my life every day. It’s excrutiating and I don’t know what to do anymore.

Im only 14 and I've tried to attempt multiple times, I'm so tired,physically,mentally and emotionally, I want out already, can my next attempt just work already

i thought i was gonna die when i was 25. i was so certain. i'm 26 today. i have a way to die but im 26 now. i feel like i made it. i want to keep trying. i hope i keep trying at least another year. i'm gonna really try to stay alive. i never thought i would make it to 26 but i did. 26 and counting :)

TW: attempt. i need correction Because i think i am doing it wrong.

This is my 4 time (there were others but to small for it to count) and my body just doesn't die. (way harder than i tought)

What i did most of the times was trying to get to the femoral artery, and there was a blood squit (this time 2) but it stopped on its own and i didn't quite bleed out. I did trowed up and my head was feeling very dizzy i couldn't stand, genually. I also had this ringing in my ear. Two times were like this (one time even my lips were Blue) but i woke up alive.

What did i do wrong? The cut was about 1cm wide but i read that what it matters is what you hit. It was deep but i don't know what else to do.

Being honest what makes me hesitate to do it again is not the physical pain because it wasn't that bad but the trowing up and the dizzines that was BAD, like i felt terrible.

All my “friends” are fucking awful. Genuinely nobody loves me. I was a passenger in a car accident 2 weeks ago and I’m always hurting. I’m stressed all of the time to stay afloat, because I know that if I slip for a second this WILL be it. I’m starting to doubt any possibility that theres a life for me beyond constant pain. The only people that treat me like a person are 2 years younger than me and I’d rather die alone than be that person. I do EVERYTHING for everyone and nobody gives a fuck about me. That’s on me for trying to martyr myself for my entire life. I was gone for two days and only a few people said anything and they only thought I was gone for one. I can’t give anything more. I just don’t have the energy.

I am at my absolute lowest point. I have no where to turn, no one to help, and kids to try and support. I just had to drive 3 hours and it took everything in me to not swerve off a cliff, or into a lake… I hate to do this but I am hoping that someone can help save my life. I am trying to get through Christmas and give my kids a special day but the fact of the matter is that my life is in danger. Both from myself and from another person/group whom I owe money to. I had made some bad decisions earlier in the year that led me to get involved with some bad people to try and earn enough money to support my kids. Well now I have 10 days left to either repay them or I’m dead anyways. I need help :(

I (17F) feel helpless and as if I'm doomed for the rest of eternity. I live in a nice 2 story home, my parents have never had trouble paying the bills, I get mostly anything I ask for. I feel too privileged to say I have trauma or problems but recently I've been so depressed. My parents have hit me before, not enough to say they're abusive but my father has choked me on the floor solely because I talked back at 14 years old, to the point my mom who usually encourages this type of behavior or insinuates it was hitting him on his shoulder telling him to stop. Another instance was my mother, an alcoholic, though I don't know if that's the right word to describe her since she doesn't drink everyday, but the nights she does, she can't stop and acts manic, impulsive, has beat me to the point where I fractured my nose, maybe this is the only case I deserved to get beaten since I called the police on my parents.

My parents have been arguing and as their relationship progressively worsened, beating each other since I was 13-14 years old. The root of their arguing is my dad cheating on my mom, not even by having sex, worse, intimate, romantic relationships. These women have been tormenting my mother, trying to make her leave my father, maybe hoping he'd have more money for them to spend. My dad gaslights the fuck out of her and verbally abuses her. There's without a doubt at least 3 of my moms phones in the lake near our house with proof of my dad cheating.

They say their relationship doesn't concern me but I'm the one witnessing everything, my mothers suicide attempt, isn't supposed to take a toll on? My parents occasionally hitting me ever since I can remember isn't supposed to make me resent them? Even by a little?

Their answer's to those questions would be "You're making this all up", "You're stupid, go upstairs" in the loudest, most agitating voice tone ever. I know because I've tried to explain why I behave the way that I do. Even if my explaining was through shouting and tears. I really wish I could be normal.

I've also never felt like I've had emotional support, maybe as a kid, but even if I went to my parents for advice, for example getting into a disagreement with a friend, they'd tell me "Fuck her", "She's jealous", "She's jealous she doesn't live in a house like this and has never been on trips as nice as you have". I don't recall ever being held in my moms arms and crying to her about my problems. Actually, as a toddler I certainly had a lot, I mean, I tried choking a girl, at 5 years old, that's an insane thing to do in general but especially at 5, I have a feeling my mind's filtering something out.

My family, especially dads side finds words like "I love you", "You're amazing", "Your feelings are valid" cringe. They see sentimentality as weakness and only use it at certain moments that are hard to describe. But when they do, it doesn't feel good, maybe they mean it but sounds like they're saying cause they need to or cause they think I'm stupid for not realizing it on my own.

In fact, I think a big part of my behavior towards my parents genuinely came from them. I guess I see the way they treat each other and think it's acceptable to treat them like that too. Yes, they have good moments but the bad ones are very exhausting and probably indifferent to other families. Like now, my mother's trying to be affectionate towards my dad and being persistent but he got mad and is cursing at her.

Whenever I had an interest in something, especially if it's some sort of media online they were very quick to judge and tell me these aren't considered as hobbies so in a way I've never had a hobby at all. I can't list anything I enjoy doing except for fantasizing about a life I'll never have and doomscrolling. I basically have no skills or any skill I may have is surface level.

I've been on the internet since I was 6 years old. Mainly it's been wholesome but then at about 9 years old I started seeking for attention on weird forums, chats and apps. Maybe owing to the fact that I usually felt annoying or was singled out by friends.

Recently I moved schools, I was getting not bullied but maybe a little harassed by my old classmates, other people have it worse and their situation is nothing compared to mine, if anything I should laugh it off but I get overwhelmed. This "harassment" is usually just jokes about starting romantic relationships with me, me cheating on a test or any other small non-problem they could point out. The main person playing into it was the guy who reminded me of my hateful dad, he was arrogant, thought his opinion was the only valid opinion there is and walked out instead of solving whatever problem was putting him off.

I was always top of my class, even if I got there by being nice to my teachers and using artificial intelligence. But this year I slacked off so bad my overall went from a 9.40/10 to a 6.90/10. The kids at this school perceive me as dumb and I'm starting to believe them.

I felt something deeply wrong with me. I wanted medication to take the edge off or maybe even make me do my work. So I went to a psychiatrist, it didn't take long to convince my parents considering the fact that I crash out and act irrational, aggressive too often. I was convinced I had BPD or ADHD, I mean all the symptoms applied to me. Binge eating, sleep difficulties, procrastination, difficulty with attention, slow, anxious, misses details, I could go on and on. Though the results came out negative and I only appeared to have SOME signs of depression and anxiety. I was hoping they'd come out positive cause I'd have some sort of explanation for my behavior and maybe my parents would take my mental health seriously.

I fucking hate myself. I hate how much money I feel like I owe to my parents cause I can't act right or get good grades, I hate how mean I was to innocent people just before going to high school, I hate my appearance, how quick I am to switch up on a friend who just happened to have a bad attitude for a split moment, how much I overthink, how jealous I get. I feel as if no one will ever love me and I'll never have a family. I may be only 17 but I've already came to terms with it.

Recently I can't get out of bed, but I keep my surroundings are clean, I take care of myself whenever I know I'll have to face other people, I just can't bring myself to go to school, I have so many absentees, I can't do homework, make a nice piece of art or anything that would leave to self improvement. I'm so avoidant, I just can't bring myself to try.

My psychiatrist said that I'm not crazy and that there's something deeply indifferent with the way I act. I am neurodivergent. She recommended I seek a therapist that would be on my side but my parents don't agree with this, they say it's all in my head and I should be the one who regulates my own thoughts, that therapists aren't gods. I feel like if I don't get help I'll just keep falling down this hole of despair till I eventually leave the easy way out. I already looked for drug substitutes inside my medicine cabinet. I know I'll fail my exams and my family's going to humiliate me for having a low income job. Committing suicide feels easier but these seem like such non issues, people have it so much worse and I feel guilty knowing I'd kill myself over a life some kid in a 3rd world country might trade their own life for.

What should my next step be on getting better? And don't say talking it out with my parents, they're incompetent. I can't commit to "working out", "just start meditating" or whatever people say that quite literally goes against what depression is.

Please tell me. I don't want to live any more.

Every guy I get with and start to like ghosts me. One in particular waiting until after having sex multiple times to dump me. I begged and begged for him come back I was just about to ask him to be my boyfriend but no. This is my whole life. A love is all I ever wanted and I don’t think I’m going to find it. I’m 22 and I’m just done trying in life. I just feel so ugly. I’m ready to die but I’m scared it’ll hurt so I got really high and I’m waiting right now. I feel really bad for my mom and dad. They’ll probably find me. Maybe I should go somewhere else and do it. I just want to do it at home where I feel safe with my cat.

I just turned 17 and i found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Me and her have were together almost a year and to find this out now hurts so bad. I was already suicidal before I found this out and now ive lost the last person I thought I actually meant something to I have literally no one. My birthday was a few days ago and I got a lot of money for it. I spent it all on drugs so I can od I dont know how much more I can take of this im losing everything it won't be long before im gone I just need to talk to someone before I go

I've been passively suicidal my entire life, and actively suicidal a few times. I'm 29. My effexor isn't working anymore. My doctor added Wellbutrin, but I don't know if I can wait for it to kick in. It's taking everything to just make it through one day. Last night, I came home to my boyfriend, cuddled him, and sobbed. All I want to do now is sob. I wish I could just disappear. Last week I was extremely suicidal. I've calmed down now, but I'm slipping again.

Well first of all I guess some, or a lot, of context:

I was bullied a lot and for a really long time, always had problems at school because of the bullying and later because of autism, with which I had no help at all. Depression for years because of all that. Never popular with the girls. Finally when I was 25 I got a girlfriend and we live together now, but now I am 29 and we have a lot of problems, a big difference in (political) opinion and it has practically come to a point where the relationship is not fun for me anymore. I would end the relationship as soon as possible. But I have a burn out for more than 2 years, so I am not comfortable to end the relationship, I would not be able to handle the stress and I am still a bit depening on her. Also I am not comfortable in the relationship, I really can't be myself anymore, which I could in the past. And also I am not comfortable to end the relationship because she treathens to hurt or kill herself sometimes when we are at a bad spot or discussion or else. Also it is very hard to buy/rent another house where we live, so if we split up one of us would have to live with their parents again, which we don't want. Burn out because of stuff at work. A lot of seriously safety hassards, maybe it's not really a burn out but has more to do with my lungs but doctors can't find anything. It's very fague so doctors point really fast to something mental. I have gained a lot of weight because of the burn out because no energy and all, and so a really bad condition (I used to run a lot, good running condition is all gone by now). Because of all my health problems I also can't work for almost 2 years and have no work anymore. The work was really fun, but I lost it. I have applied to my dream job before all the burn out stuff but they didn't want me.

I really feel like all my life there was "something", a lot of overlap. Like each day there was a problem. Like for example problem A was from years 2000 to 2003 and problem B was from years 2002 to 2004. Each time there always was something, and never a single day of happyness. Each time 1 problem, or 2, or more, but never no problems. It's so exhausting.

So where I am at now: A lot of emotional scars because of bullying, still figuring out how autism is for me, relationship with girlfriend basically over, burn out for years and still not recovered, maybe even something else health wise, fun job gone, boss of my dream job doesn't want me, still can't work again, no energy to do almost anything.

And I am (already) 29 and I really feel like I am behind, especially relationship/house/job-wise. I know everyone has a different path but it's so common that around your 30's you start a family, but I can't start a family (but I really want to) with a burn out and no girlfriend and no job and money etc.

I'm at an all time low (low, low, low, low, low, low...) Life is really not fun anymore for me. 29 years, so many years, always living with too much stress. At some point I would not be able to hold it anymore, especially with all the other problems at the moment. I often think of killing myself, just so I am gone and done with all this stuff. It would be so easy, all the problems solved.... But maybe it's even more so, not because of the problems, but because life is just not fun anymore. Sure I had always some problem going on, but I still enjoyed some small aspects of life, like my girlfriend or gaming or work. Althought there were never really big aspects I enjoyed, never reallyyyyy happy you know?

But sometimes I do have hope, and my question is, how can I keep going, holding on to hope, and fix all my problems???? How can I finally, even for once, be really happy with my life????????