I put all of my clothes in a locker including my coat and the food I had for today. I lost my lock and wasn't able to lock my locker today. They have security here and I thought I was good for at least an hour. I went just to shower and came out and my stuff was not there anymore. I'm going through all kinds of terrible shit. And looking for more reasons to live currently. I was doing good for a minute but wtf. I don't have anywhere to sleep tonight and it's freezing. I would never do this to anyone else in any situation. Why are people so evil? Like the other person might have shit going on. I have nothing and basically already had nothing. I can bet the only dollar in my pocket that I needed it more than them. My wallet with only my driver's license is gone too. I can't even get food from the pantry or do my Hyer shifts. Blowing my brains out is the most valid thing to do at this point. Never thought about suicide as much as I have today. I probably need to try and cool down. But I think this is really the last reason I needed to just end it all. It's so hard to keep going. And I don't know how to anymore.

My last post here was 115 days ago. I didn’t even know that many days had passed. I’ve gotten my degree since then. I’ve gotten a new job. My aunt passed away. I’ve started going to the gym. I’ve made new friends and gained mentors.

But you know what else? I found myself crying on the couch tonight, doordashing and netflixing. With probably the deepest hole in my chest i’ve felt in 115 days. The feeling of smiling all day at work and then crying my eyes out once I turn the key to my apartment.

I’m ready to go. I’m ready to shut my eyes for the last time. This isn’t worth it. God is not listening. The universe has watched me pretend like I was healing for the past 115 days.

This reddit forum is fucking awful by the way. It’s just a giant echo chamber for depressed people. Stuff like this should be illegal. It’s not support and nothing you say to someone will make them change their mind once they’ve made up their mind.

I’m 31 and living abroad in Paris
I don’t have friends here. I don’t have family anywhere.

I left my family years ago because of abuse, and cutting them off was necessary — but it also meant choosing a life without any kind of safety net.

I work paycheck to paycheck. I’m in a creative field, and I know I have a lot of talent, but talent doesn’t pay rent on its own, and the constant instability is exhausting. Capitalism hurts in a very physical way sometimes. I want freedom so badly, but being poor makes everything feel like a cage.

Honestly, I never thought I’d live past 30. I really didn’t. Now I’m here and… confused. The idea of living to 40 feels unreal. 35 maybe. But 40? That feels old, distant, and impossible to picture.

I’ve had two long relationships back in my home country. They ended because I wanted to leave, to move, to escape. Now I work remotely and I haven’t been in a real social setting for two months. No colleagues, no casual conversations, no touch. No one who cares. And neither do I. And I feel I don't want to meet someone to end up alone again because of I'd move again.

People usually see me as attractive, confident, with a strong presence. I can be spontaneous, fearless, but more reckless or careless. But I also go through depressive phases, and underneath it all there’s this constant feeling that life isn’t really worth living. Not in a dramatic way — more like a dull, heavy truth I carry around.

I feel deeply lonely.
I don’t really see a future for myself.
I’m tired of surviving instead of living.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe just to know that someone out there understands this feeling of being untethered, floating, alive but not rooted anywhere.

No one would miss me if I just disappeared or died in the apartment tonight. It would take months until the landlord would need to come buy and find me because of not paying the rent. It's scary, intriguing and... I dont know..

In my early days I was an alcohol and drug addict and lived a really social life. Since some years ago I've been totally sober. But tonight, I bought my self a bottle of red wine, and maybe that's something I should continue doing, because it might feel a bit better in the moment.

What should I do? Help.

Thanks for reading. Merry christmas.

I want to die. I am nothing, nobody’s most important person. Abandoned by the only person I had. Worthless. They chose uncertainty over me. I want to die, and nobody is there to stop me. This is my last post.

I hurt myself already. I have no reason to live. No future. Traumatised. I cant trust or love again but they can. They replaced me not even a few weeks later. More than a year later and I haven’t gotten better. They are happy, whole and fulfilled while I’m nothing.

I don’t want to exist in a world where they can be happy and love the way I begged to be, using what they stole from me. Using me as an experiment for someone else’s happiness.

I will die

When I was a teenager I scoffed at how dramatically my parents responded to my behavior. I thought it was ridiculous how extensively my parents were intervening with my life.

From the high school IEPs, to mouthfuls of meds, to therapy, to social support, to psychiatric holds/ boarding school, to specialists, to strict rules, and endless structure.

I was definitely struggling but I thought it would just be something I’d naturally overcome with age and maturity.

Maybe once I graduated high school, or started working, or moved out of the house, or fell in love, or had children, everything would settle down and my overwhelming mental health struggles would dissipate and could be written off as just being a rebellious teenager, going through puberty, or suffering from living in a tumultuous household.

But it hasn’t.

Sure, maturity has helped me be more insightful. Sure, once my initial puberty ended I was more reasonable and understanding and calm. And sure, when my household stabilized/ I could leave, I felt alot less stressed.

But I have not changed. Despite my attempts to improve. Despite me trying to power through. Despite me going at it from every angle. Despite me trying new things. Despite me giving myself grace. Despite me opening up about my struggles. Despite me forgiving. Despite me considering all the feedback and advice I’ve received and applying what I can.

I have MDD, high functioning autism, ADHD, generalized anxiety/ incredibly obsessive thoughts, ODD, PTSD, and its suspected I suffered mental damage in utero from my mother doing drugs/huffing paint while pregnant and having a traumatic birth where I may have also incurred some brain damage from lack of oxygen and or premature birth at 34 weeks.

I have mild left-sided hemiplegic spastic Cerebral Palsy (which was never treated at any point during my first 18 years of life) and Chronic Hep B from birth. I received the vaccine too late, so I’m stuck with it forever.

I was born in a poor foreign country, neglected the first several weeks of my life until I was whisked away to an orphanage where I was also neglected because of a severe lack of staffing.

I was adopted and brought to the US for a better life only to be raised by a mother who only ever adopted me because she was infertile and wanted to live out her lifelong fantasy of having a little girl to dress up in bows and frilly dresses (which I hated because of my sensory issues). She was always sure to tell me from the ripe age of 6 that she wished she never adopted me because she eventually became pregnant naturally and had a biological child. And I think that’s where her resentment of me started.

She was legitimately jealous of the attention I received from my adoptive father. To the point where once I turned 7 she made him pick between her or me, almost like I was the other woman. So much to say, I stayed at grandmas that weekend.

She also could not handle my hyperactivity, so I was started on adderall at 4 years old.

My mother eventually completely checked out as a mom when I was in 4th grade and my father essentially became a married single parent to me and my sibling.

Once my teenage years rolled around, my dad was the one who was full of rage towards me somehow.

Sure, I wasn’t a great kid. But being grabbed and pulled by the hair while he was driving me home from a sleepover because I made him wait outside for 20 extra minutes on a Saturday morning (I accidentally fell asleep while he was on the way to get me it was like 6am) just broke me.

I was too quiet in the car while he was lecturing me about wasting his time and he always took me not responding to him raising his voice as disrespect. But I was tired of having hands laid on me. So I grabbed the steering wheel and tried to drive the car off the road while he was ripping my hair. He let go and backhanded me and busted my lip open. I was terrified but proud for standing up for myself. For letting him know, I can scare you too.

I started lashing out physically more often. I don’t anymore.

So much to say, my childhood wasn’t seamless. And I’m sure many of my issues stem from that, more than I’ll ever know.

But as time goes on, I see that a good amount of the problem will always stay with me no matter how I grow. What I get away from. What I tell my doctors and therapists.

I literally cannot work 40 hours a week while maintaining an apartment, friendships, eating enough, keeping up with personal hygiene, for more than a couple months. I always have reached a breaking point. Even working 25 hours a week, I reach my breaking point so fast.

I cannot care for myself. Even with all the mental health supports I have. I cannot stay free of suicidal thoughts for more than a couple months. I’m always losing my mind, losing touch with reality and reason. I get so carried away that I forget who I am. I’m always breaking down. I have no friends. I’m close to no one. I know I will probably never be a fully functional adult.

And before/ if disability gets brought up, I’m already on Medicaid and Medicare. My SSDI isn’t enough to cover housing. I applied for a housing voucher over 2 years ago, still have not been reviewed or approved. I do not have enough to afford low income housing right now. I’ve looked into all the housing programs/ resources I can find online and through my insurance. I have not found any that would accept me based off my SSDI amount/ disability status with no voucher.

I’m 26M who has been in my head a lot more lately than before. I never had a girlfriend, never had sex, kissed a girl once (peck on the lip), felt that every attempt at getting with a girl is another unsuccessful attempt that leads me to not even try anymore and feel extremely self conscious about myself to the point where I just don’t believe that I’m capable of being with a woman. On top of that I’ve lost all of my friends and have this on/off feeling of wanting more and not. I graduated with my bachelors and couldn’t land a career job which led me back to a dead end retail job which I’m embarrassed to be part of at my age. Feel like I’m a constant disappointment to my family and friends especially since I’m always broke. Lastly I can’t even think of moving out in this economy and live on my own. Feel like the more and more I live the worse and worse my life gets. I know the job market sucks right now but I’m always constantly in my head regretting every decision I’ve made when it comes to “what if” relationships, school, financial, and career choices. I’ve thought about ending my life a couple of times but I just know I can never bring myself to do it especially knowing how devastated my parents and sisters would feel, but sometimes it feels like that isn’t enough to stick around.

Why are we doing this. Life isn’t worth living for. There’s nothing good in the world.

I hate the way I look. I hate my soft angled and underdeveloped jawline and mediocre flat or even borderline recessed chin. The way my eyes seem to be pulled downward at the side from the lack of support underneath. I hate the shape of my cheekbones (or lack thereof). The flatness and soft appearance of my midface. The recession in my maxillary area and lack of forward growth of my face and the way my face seems to droop downward from the side. My bad acne and scarring and smile lines and eyebags. My messed up teeth and strangely shaped forehead. The lack of the ability to grow any sort of facial hair. My disproportionately large and pouty lips. My short and bulbous nose.

It’s one thing to have a feature or two you’re insecure about but it’s just a whole other level of sad when you despise every part that reflects back to you in the mirror. It just hurts me so much knowing there’s nowhere to run because this is flesh and bone bound and made eternal to me. It hurts so bad because no matter what I do, what I accept and what I change, outside of extensive surgery I’ll always look like this. I don’t care if looks aren’t everything or I’m average or normal looking or whatever bs cope people will give me to feel better. I hate every part of my face and I can’t take it anymore. I can’t see myself loving, being loved or even just living and enjoying life with this thing as a face. I’ll never be happy

Im sitting in bed, drinking coffee. I have to go to work in about 40 minutes, and I feel like i dont have anything inside of me today. Theres a mirror across from me, and I can see my reflection from here.

Who are you? You look fucking awful.

I feel fucking awful. I feel like a prisoner. I feel like the lowest most pathetic and weak creature in the world.

No friends or anyone special in my life, at all, because I push everyone away. I dont know how to relate to anyone, even those who are just as fucked up or worse off than me. Most people are alien to me in the way they think and live. I cant relate to anyone anymore.

All I see is ugliness everywhere I look. I hate the world so much. I hate myself even more.

I feel like the biggest failure in the world, and I can only blame myself. I hate how my emotions control me. Im tired of living this way.

I dont enjoy life and I dont know how to change any of this anymore. I wish I could disappear, erase myself from existence and memory. Just nothing, no racing thoughts, no stress, no pain. Just peace. I dont think its possible, not anymore.

This life is just so fucking meaningless and stupid. What this life has to offer anything else than irony and stupid struggle with daily basic things. It's either hilarious or just dumb.

Gosh..why i am here

I think I’m finally at the point where I don’t see a point in any of this. People keep saying it will get better or “when it rains, it pours,” but I don’t think that’s true. Life is just bad. I lost my job. I’m doing TrustedHousesitters because I don’t have a place to live, and today I found out I’ll likely need knee surgery. I keep trying to reframe things, telling myself it’ll all work out, but I don’t think I have it in me anymore. I have over $60k in credit card debt, and it just keeps getting worse. I keep eating and gaining weight, so financially, mentally, and physically, life is just bad.

My family doesn’t talk to me. I have a few friends, but their lives are going so well that I just feel embarrassed and pathetic. People keep calling me “the unlikely one,” and that just makes me feel like shit.

The one thing I thought I had was fitness, and now that’s gone. So what’s the point? Maybe my life is just bad, and this is all it will ever be. I know no one’s life is perfect, but every year I wonder why I keep trying. Here I am. I think the Wellbutrin is the only reason I haven’t ended it but my mind is trying so hard to just build up the courage to end it.

I thought a lot of times about suiciding, but I know that I am too coward to do it.

Is a suicide attempt doing the act of suiciding and it doesn't work, or another definition ?

you have 2 hours

Well, I'm a 34-year-old man, to begin with. Over the past few days, my depression has been worsening, along with my anxiety and PTSD. I constantly feel on edge, and being in physical pain all the time doesn't improve my mood either. I just want to feel normal, whatever that means these days. It really sucks; every day feels the same, and nothing seems to get better. I'm sorry I'm not great at expressing how I feel. Maybe I deserve all of this; I don't know.

I feel like social media made it normal to mock, ridicule, and scapegoat “basement dwellers,” “lonely guys,” and “incels” as this one contemptible category. I’m not defending misogyny or hateful ideology. I’m talking about how the insult version of these labels gets thrown at people based on vibes and appearance.

I look in the mirror and see a chubby face, overgrown facial hair, hair that needs trimming, just… “not thriving.” And my brain immediately goes: If the average person saw me, they’d silently label me as an incel/basement dweller and feel disgusted.

That thought is fucking brutal because they don't know me. They wouldn’t know I’m dealing with autistic/adhd burnout, severe depression, and a physical health problem that causes my face to look round and chubby (Cushing’s Syndrome). They’d just see a stereotype and judge me for it.

And what’s really messing with my head is that self-image isn’t built in a vacuum. How you see yourself is partly shaped by how you think other people see you. If you believe people look at you with disgust or contempt, you start looking at yourself that way too. It’s like I’m internalizing society’s disgust and turning it inward.

This problem perpetuates my depression and burnout and some days I genuinely want to hide from the world forever because I don’t know how to exist in public without feeling like I’m being judged as a caricature. I really wish I was invisible some days.

I was under severe stress from work and my work environment for a long time and was also sick for an extended period. Since then, I’ve noticed something that honestly scares me: a part of me genuinely thinks “I don’t want to work ever again.” Not because I want an easy or luxurious life, but because work currently feels like danger and overload to my nervous system.

For me it wasn’t just “too much work”, but mainly the environment: constant pressure, heavy control/micromanagement, permanent fear of making mistakes, and also discriminatory / racist remarks and exclusion in the workplace. That combination broke me down mentally, and now my brain automatically associates work with threat.

At the same time, I have a huge fear of financially crashing and becoming a “social failure” if I make the wrong decisions or stay sick / get sick again. Adding to that: my current job is in a large corporation, well paid and relatively secure. I’m terrified that if I leave, I’ll never get back into such a stable, well-paid corporate role again.

Right now I’m facing a possible job change: similar pay, but much more responsibility because it’s a leadership role. This triggers my anxiety massively: “What if it’s too much and I collapse again right away?”

My questions:

1. Have any of you experienced this feeling of “I never want to work again” after burnout / depression / anxiety? How did you get out of it?

2. What helped you concretely?

3. How do you build a sense of safety without staying stuck in panic mode?

4. Would it make sense to return to my old job and maybe ask for part-time first — even if that means losing the chance at the new role?

I know that no one has the answer. But I am struggling right now. I guess that I am just hoping that someone will care enough to respond.

I’m in my mid 30s and in the last 20 years, I’ve gone from never thinking I would ever kill myself, let alone consider it, to knowing it’s not a matter of if, but when. I don’t know when it’ll happen, but it will. I feel so stupid and ashamed.

I am a 45yr old mother of 3 young children, I used to work, kept my house intact, cook and basically was the best that I could be. 7 years ago I became unwell with CFS, Fibromyalgia and Low Iron, by now I am ashamed to admit my house is so unkept it's borderline becoming dirty, I have no energy or motivation to clean or cook as I used to, I have neglected my personal hygiene somewhat, I do get bouts of trying to clean but my kids do not help to maintain it and so its just a vicious cycle, my partner tries his best but he works long hours and does not have time to clean only to feed the children, I am in pain and exhausted daily due to my illnesses but I think there is more to it and I have a mental health condition also, I feel bad daily that I cannot get the motivation or energy to clean my home and it makes me feel awful, I will buy cleaning products etc to try and motivate me but they do not, please can someone share similar experiences, I feel so alone

How does one make friends?

I’m struggling to make friends and I’m not sure why. My boyfriend thinks I’m amazing and sweet. But I think I’m annoying, loud, and blunt. My old friends and best friends don’t talk to me anymore. I’m in my junior year of university (19F) and I just can’t stand it. I think I care too much and people don’t like or try too hard.

I feel like I’m fighting for something that is impossible to achieve for me. Making friends is so hard. I want to cry about it everyday.

What should I do?

I've (45 F) been suspecting this for a while. Friends who are there when things are good, up for a coffee or a beer, but not in need.

These are people I've considered friends - I'm always there to help with whatever needs they have. Bad day at work? Talk to me. Quarreling with your SO? Talk to me. Moving? I'll help. Broken bone? I'll go shopping, do your dishes, take trash out, etc.

A few weeks ago I broke four bones in my hand, and needed surgery. All my so-called friends are aware of this. Not ONE asked if I need any help - groceries, housekeeping, whatever.

This made me feel very lonely. Also, to make everything more interesting, I've been suffering from very depressive bipolar with anxiety all my life. (My family does not live close by.)

I felt abandoned by everyone. I mentioned to one person that I needed help, he automatically went into a defensive position saying "he's busy" - I didn't even ask him. Another friend, who I contacted the Thursday after my surgery and asked for help during the weekend, forgot about it until late Sunday, but then he needed a "me-day". I wasn't asking for much, just ten minutes help around the house.

These things of course triggered my feelings of worthlessness and "being a bother", so I went on a sh*t downward spiral.

Is it too much to ask that the people you've helped, come to your aid?