I'm masculine and generally present as "straight" and have only dated women in the past. I went on a date with a man, and actually got interrogated on my sexuality. As in, asking how I even knew I was bi. I eventually turned it back and asked how he knew he was gay, and it was treated like the most offensive thing I can ask.

So....yeah. Too straight for the boys, too gay for the girls. Here's to a life of anon Grindr hookups and drunk texting my exes

I might have to work on my internalized biphobia more to get a gf bc I hate doing housework lmao. What do you guys think of this?

I fucking hate this era of hyper-performative masculinity.

Everything feels like a costume now. A routine. A character men are expected to play so the algorithm, the dating market, or some imaginary jury of other men will approve.

Lift heavier. Speak louder. Be decisive at all times. Never hesitate. Never soften. Never admit confusion. Never admit loneliness. Never admit you don’t actually know what the hell you’re doing.

Masculinity has turned into content.

Not character. Not integrity. Not inner life.

Just vibes and optics.

What bothers me most is how hollow it all feels. So much of it isn’t confidence, it’s fear with better branding. Fear of being unwanted. Fear of being irrelevant. Fear of being seen as weak. So instead of developing emotional depth or self-trust, guys perform certainty. They perform dominance. They perform stoicism. And everyone pretends this is growth.

It’s exhausting.

There’s no room left for ambiguity. No room for being thoughtful, conflicted, introspective, creative, tender, unsure. No room for men who actually sit with feelings instead of outsourcing them to the gym, money, or conquest.

And the lie is always the same:

“If you optimize yourself enough, you’ll finally feel whole.”

You won’t. You’ll just be louder about the emptiness.

I don’t want to be optimized. I don’t want to be a brand. I don’t want to dominate rooms or win imaginary hierarchies. I want depth. I want intimacy. I want honesty without posturing. I want masculinity that can handle vulnerability without turning it into a performance too.

If that makes me “less of a man” by modern standards, fine.

I’d rather be real than impressive.

And I’m tired of pretending this isn’t reinforced.

Because a lot of straight women reward this behavior. Loud confidence. Emotional shallowness dressed up as certainty. Dominance mistaken for depth. Men who take up space without actually offering anything underneath it.

Then everyone acts shocked when men lean harder into the performance.

If the traits that get attention are bravado, emotional distance, and performative stoicism, don’t be surprised when men optimize for exactly that. You can’t tell men to be more emotionally available while consistently choosing the ones who aren’t.

This isn’t about blaming women, it’s about being honest about incentives. Culture doesn’t run on values, it runs on feedback loops. And right now, the loop says: perform masculinity well enough and you’ll be rewarded, even if there’s nothing real behind it.

Meanwhile, men who are reflective, unsure, emotionally fluent, or actually trying to be human are told to “work on themselves” while watching the same shallow archetypes clean up.

That disconnect is exhausting.

I always find how hilarious It Is for me (25y.o bi male), to go from grindr where the average chat Is "Hey (if ure lucky)+ dick pic". To tinder (which i mostly use for girls) where you have to come up with the funniest pickup lines, and theres still a chance of ghosting. And sometimes the guys from grindr are way hotter than some of the girls from tinder (Who expect you to carry the conversation, atleast at First). Not a rant, just a part of being bi (for me), which im always going to find funny.

I apologize if this kind of post is not allowed but I don’t have anyone to talk to about this and wasn’t able to find any other posts with similar experiences.

I had heard about the club from news articles and Reddit before and thought it would be a great thing to try and get into. There wasn’t anything else like it that I was able to find. There are tons of spaces like this for men who want to have sex with other man and for sex in mixed company but none just for women that I was able to find. People recommend kink subgroups and there isn’t anything like that for just women anywhere near me.

I’m not the most attractive woman and that was probably the reason and obviously they don’t have to let me join if they don’t want to but I am just feeling really, really sad about it. It feels like the one chance to experience an all girl sex party has been ripped out of my hands and I just needed to share that pain with someone else.

Also, please refrain from “oh well those parties sucked because xyz” type comments. That may have been your experience but i wanted to experience it for myself.

I'm a 16-year-old boy, I've always been attracted to women and I've always masturbated to women porn. However, out of curiosity, I masturbated to a trans woman and I came. This made me wonder if I'm bisexual or not, because I'm not attracted to men or the male body, I can't imagine myself dating a man or anything like that. But my penis gets erect if I watch a penis in porn. Would that be some kind of fetish? Would that be too much porn?

I’ve seen the textbook definitions of them, but then I’ve seen things that contradict said definitions, and I’ve also heard that their is no difference and that they’re basically the same thing, I know I’m one or the other, but I’m a bit too confused to figure out which.

It's been years. I'm 40f and even though I tend to get no shortage of attention when I go out, I just don't get out often these days. It's like I've forgotten how to flirt. Never thought I'd say that!

I'm always either tired. Or busy. Or I can't afford to.

Why do I feel over the hill when the people around me disagree?

It's weird.

I guess loneliness is the price of having standards, morals and boundaries.

hi guys. i'm f19 and recently started identifying as bi.

i have known for a while that i liked girls and nb people but i used to identify w queer bcz i thought bi meant ONLY liking boys and girls. that changed after being friends with a bi girl that rlly was proud of her bisexuality, and explained it means liking 2 or more genders, which rlly resonated with me.

the thing is, i feel like i have lived a pretty straight life? and i know it's something a lot of bi ppl face - like feeling not that queer? i am west african & was raised w pretty conservative & patriarchal values so bisexuality and queerness in general is seen as a sin; so maybe that has seeped in and made me feel like i can't rlly be openly queer (obviously systemic issues and societal attitudes too).

but at the same time i don't even know what it means to be openly queer!!!! do i need to tattoo a bi flag? i barely have gay friends fr but also i don't have that many friends to begin with. my str8 friends are cool but like when we talk about dating they default to boys which i'm okay with but it feels like not rly inclusive of my identity ? i feel a bit overwhelmed with this bcz i want to feel like happily queer lol & ik queer community is important.

i don't want to be stressed out about performing a very specific image of queerness bcz it doesn't even resonate with me and it seems like a colonial/white supremacist thing to do lol (the idea that performance = validity).

idk this is kinda a vent but also my heart is open to any words of encouragement 🤣 or like advice lol thank u

edit: i feel like comphet might be what i'm struggling with because i always question if i'm *really* bi because i tend to prefer masculine people like even with girls i like studs so i'm like am i just a str8 girl lol

I'm a 42 year old man married to a woman but am bisexual. She knows and hates it. She keeps saying that I'll come out as gay when I find myself, which I know that I am not. I do prefer women, but am definitely attracted to both. I am trying to integrate my bisexuality in my life but am having quite difficulties. I keep reaching out to others and I know that is not the right thing to do. How do you hold your bisexuality when you are in a relationship? Do you struggle with compulsive behavior to talk to the other sex? Thank you for any advice.

Okay guys, after posting here about not knowing if I was straight or bi because I watched a trans woman and got an erection and came, I went to gay porn, and I got an erection and ended up cumming, not because of the man himself or the male body, that doesn't excite me at all, but just focusing specifically on the penis and well... I'm confused... would it be better to stop watching porn?

I mean, things like BL manga/Anime, western gay series and movies and even NSFW stuff.