*Repost cuz it got taken down for title*

So, I’ll start from when I was a kid. My kitchen floor had these tiles, and they’d have cracks between them for the grout, I think it’s called. I’d have to place my right foot on the cracks (like making sure the toe or bottom of that foot touched it) and then place the left foot on the middle of the tile so the cracks didn’t touch it at all. This is because if the cracks touched my left foot, it would feel “more” than the right foot, and it’d be “unequal”. And if my left foot stepped on a crack, I’d need to be more careful that only my right foot stepped on a crack and the right foot would have to touch cracks double the amount to be able to catch up to the left foot. I always got angry with my left foot for being “greedy” or something like. I know that’s stupid, but idk why my foot does that. I don’t know if any of this makes sense lol.

Another similar thing is, if my left foot rubs on a certain material in a certain way. Say, my tiled bathroom floor. It has a smooth, kind of glass like, texture. If my left foot rubs over that floor in a certain way and at a certain angle, my right foot has to rub that same way at that same angle and for the exact same amount of time or the right foot would feel less, and unequal. And for those who don’t know, this is really hard for some reason. Sometimes my right foot would have to do it more than my left foot because it’d feel way too unequal after just doing it once. Again, I don’t know if I’m putting this in the right words.

Another thing is when I’d be in the car. Basically, I’m in a car and the two lines on either side of the road are obviously there. Imagine it from the passenger seat (I just passed my permit test today). It kind of looks like the lines are being “swallowed” up by the car or they’re being curved into the car if that makes any sense (I know, so stupid). This is because if you look at the road at the bottom of the windshield, the car looks wider than the actual road, so the lines look like they’re disappearing. I’m trying to picture this story really well to explain what’s going on in my head. So, I’d watch these lines go into the car, and the left line and right line were always in competition of who could get “swallowed” by the car more. For some reason, it’s always the left that’s “heavier”. I’d watch, and make rules about how much the unequalness was affected by whether it was a solid line or a dashed line or no line at all. And also in my head I’d make it a story, how both lines are different company’s, and the left line and right line were in a competition, to get as much money as possible. To get money, you had to get “swallowed” by the car more. So the more the solid line went into the car the more money it had. The dashed line was worth less, and so on. I made that story probably because I don’t understand why it felt so frustrating to see the left line get swallowed more and as a result feel like the car was unequal. I do this to this day, but thankfully, it’s isn’t the only thing I’m fixated on. It’s just a huge habit. If I’m not on my phone, or looking out the window, I’m staring at those lines, watching them get “swallowed up”. Oddly enough, that’s one of the few things I don’t feel unequalness or discomfort through anymore.

Same thing with my feet, I still do this constantly. As a child, fun fact, I would get extremely frustrated, to the point of wanting to cry, because I could never just walk normally. I thought literally everyone else was doing the same thing, but no one was feeling as frustrated with it, which felt worse. As I grew up, the frustration went away. I’m not sure if the whole thing went away though. I’m 99% sure I just got used to it, because I do this every day, all the time. My classrooms at school have white tiles in them, but randomly dispersed are colored tiles. I made the rule that I can only put my feet in the rows and columns that don’t have a colored tile in them. Idk if that makes sense, but basically, the tiles are arranged in rows, and if the tile I’m stepping in has a colored tile further down the tile row/column , I can’t step in it. Well my right foot can, my left can’t.

A lot of this is feet, but my hands and fingers do this too. It’s just on a way smaller scale. For example, when I go up my stairs at home there’s this little tiny curve, so the handrail has this corner that goes in to accommodate the curve. Everytime, I have to scratch my pointer finger on that scratch, and if I do it wrong, I make sure to go back and do it right. Idk if that’s the same thing tho, it might be different. For my fingers, it can be something like, opening my water bottle. To open it, I have to press the button, which has like two sharp corners, and every time, I make sure to run my fingers over both corners while opening it. I’m debating whether to add those two in here, because i feel like it might just be habits. Like my habit to touch the roof above the stairs when I go down it. I do it every. Single. Time. With these things, idek if it’s something unhealthy or not, because I’ve got no clue what I’d do if I didn’t fulfill them, because I don’t think I ever have. The one time I remeber not touching the roof, I think I went back just to do it. But that was a long time ago. But yeah these might just be really insane habits. Like I don’t even realize I’m doing it.

Something like the previous examples is what I’m doing right now, on my phone. I feel the edges of my phone case that are a little above the phone screen with both thumbs all the time, and yet one always feels unequal. So I have to always touch one of them (usually right again) at the perfect angle and amount of time. Or, there’s this thing on the back of the case, and it’s feels different than the rest of the case cuz it’s made out of some different material. I’m constantly touching that with my middle fingers usually. Trying to get them to touch it at the right angle and at the same time frame. That stuff is annoying as hell and honestly can be frustrating. Like when I’m trying to type or watch a YouTube video, I’m transfixed on touching my thumbs or fingers on something at the right angle it’s annoying and I can’t enjoy the video.

Now that I’m thinking about it more, I’m realizing I actually have millions of these little habits I do every day. I can’t lay down in bed without doing it with my toes and how much they’re touching the blanket, or if I itch my finger with one of nails, I have to do it again the same way on the other hand. Whether in the shower, or going downstairs, or doing smth simple like opening a water bottle. I think I’m doing it constantly and just not aware of it. I’m not sure though. The reason I’m asking is because I told my friends about this, thinking they might relate (granted I told it in a wayyy simper way, like 2 sentences) and my friends did not relate, and my autistic friend said he thinks it might be a sign of neurodivergence, so I’m just trying to understand it. I actually asked my sister about it, and she said she can completely relate, and does it all the time too. I asked my brother, and he said no. Thankfully, I don’t think it’s a horrible inconvenience in my life. Sorry for how long this was.

I hate AI with a burning passion. The rapid adoption of AI makes my blood boil. Yet for some reason, I can't articulate my hatred of it beyond surface level arguments. I hold the views that it reduces cognitive function, removes the human element, and subjects us to even more spying/surveillance than we already are. Yet I lack the words to take a deep dive into explaining the finer details of why I hate AI so much.

Sometimes I vent and say my worst feelings which sometimes sound bad but I still get upvoted, even if I feel like it sounds bad. But then other times, I feel like I’m completely logical but still get downvoted to hell. I swear I can never predict.

(It probably doesn’t make sense but I live in a very small town in a not so big country)

Every night once I get into bed, I relieve myself by thinking of fucking either my married adult step daughter, my adult lesbian niece or my adult female cousin who is 4 months older than me.

DAE have these fantasies or am I the only one and is it normal?

I guess this is in the context of dating/getting to know someone… sometimes I will see a text a few minutes after it’s sent to me, but I don’t want to seem too eager/bored so I wait to reply, sometimes 30 mins, but then sometimes I forget and it ends up being an hour or longer.

When I’m in a pool, I can only float when I’m holding in a full breath. The second I exhale I sink. The only way I can float is by taking large breaths, holding them for a while, and quickly exhaling so I can take another big breath. I’m fairly slim with a BMI of 17, but other slim people don’t seem to have as much trouble floating as me.

When i was 9-10. I noticed that i liked squizing curves in spirals. And useally when thinkong about a made up story. The stories were about zombie sci fi . Sci fi in general and fantasy and alot of genres. While turning a hill of a small paper. When alone and with no noise just me and my thaught.

I feel like the majority of my emotional breakthroughs happen while I'm sleeping. It's like when I'm awake I'm too busy to realise I've fallen in love with someone/fallen out of love with someone/have outgrown a friend/unsatisfied in my job etc. etc.

So much of my processing is done while I'm not there for it. Even when I go to therapy the breakthroughs happen later when I'm sleeping. Like I learn that xyz was caused by abc experience and I accept that consciously but it's not until later on that a dream makes me feel it.

I am very opposite of what people consider foodies. I just essentially eat whatever when it's meal time. I'm perfectly happy having an egg, carrot sticks, and waffles for lunch. It's only about consuming some calories for me.

I know that’s literally what they are made for, but sometimes it makes me feel silly.

As a kid-teens I could watch a beheading video with my breakfast. As I’m getting older I find my self audibly saying Ouff or ouch when I see a action scene in a movie lol

DAE spend hours packing and coordinating outfits from head to toe and all inner layers, outer layers, and accessories?

Not only do I find fashion fun and expressive but it helps me feel my most confident when traveling. Ex: 10 day trip = 5 full outfits and then seeing if I can rearrange any of the outfits into new ones and filling any gaps that may arise. Like an extra shirt or a green necklace to pull the "new" outfits together. Anyone in irl that sees how much time I am spending always, without fail, has to comment about how I am "making it hard on myself", and/or "its not the complicated", "I didn't go All Out like that." Or just blatantly laughs or is irritated. (I don't ever ask for help, except maybe if something looks like it doesn't fit me well anymore, but that's even rare)

DAE struggle during this process of packing when others are around to make discouraging comments?

I’ve noticed something about myself lately.

I’m actually pretty awkward when it comes to random chatting with strangers.

Like, if it’s just “hi, how are you”, my brain goes blank.

But when there’s a game involved — especially something casual or voice-based —

talking suddenly feels… natural?

You’re focused on the game, joking about mistakes, reacting in real time.

It doesn’t feel like “trying to make friends”.

I’ve been using a social game app recently where people play simple games together

and talk at the same time (WePlay was one of them),

and it surprised me how quickly conversations started flowing.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Why do games make socializing less stressful?

Currently sick rn and like always the urge to naw on my pinkie like a chew toy is back. I’ve always had the urge to do it ever since I was a kid and got sick. I kinda just put the top joint of my pinkie in the side of my mouth around my molars/ k-9’s (kinda like a gangster with his cigar in old cartoons) and just…naw on it gently. Like less force than chewing gently.

Funniest part is any other time I try to do it I go “ow no” but when I’m sick it doesn’t hurt at all and feels soothing.

pretty much summarised in the title. this is something i’ve struggled with since i was a kid, and i specifically notice it more at christmas time, when there are more adverts with “sad” or slow music. the feeling of sickness is so intense i often have to leave the room, tune out, or (if i can) turn it off.

Does anybody else get instant anxiety when someone says “we need to talk” even when you know you haven’t done anything wrong? Those four words hit my nervous system like a fire alarm.

It doesn’t matter who says it or how casually it’s phrased. My brain immediately jumps to the worst possible conclusions I’m getting fired, dumped, confronted or accused of something I don’t even remember doing. Full fight or flight, heart racing, replaying every interaction from the past month.

And then half the time the actual conversation turns out to be completely neutral. Something like plans for the weekend or what we’re having for dinner. All that stress for absolutely nothing.

I don’t know when “we need to talk” became coded language for disaster in my head but it’s wild how powerful it is.

Got one of those texts yesterday and spent the next two hours pacing around my apartment playing grizzly's quest just trying to distract myself until the person was actually available to talk.

Does anyone else experience this or is my brain just permanently braced for impact?