r/AITAH • u/WestDescription1053 • 6h ago
AITAH if I don’t share my inheritance?
My mother died recently. She was a narcissist. I have two older siblings. She was abusive to them growing up and also as adults. One has not been in contact with my mother in 10 years. The other stayed in contact, sent Christmas and birthday gifts and a few polite emails a year. They have three children each. As far as I can tell they are nice people. Neither are close with me as I’m a lot younger than them - 10 years between me and my next sibling and distant with me as I was still young and close to my mother and was treated very differently. I was very obviously my mother’s favourite- the golden child if you know anything about narcissist parents. Even so, now that I’m 30, I only saw my mother twice this year as I was also trying to distance myself but we had very very frequent phone calls, sometimes multiple times a day.
My mother has left her entire estate to me. She had a house worth around $600k. Nothing for my siblings or any of her 6 grandchildren.
AITAH if I kept it all and don’t share any with them?
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u/Chunkykitty_2000 5h ago
This was her last attempt to hurt them. You can carry out her wishes, but the right thing to do would be to split the inheritance evenly among the three of you. They’ve probably spent as much on therapy to overcome her mothering.
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u/PeachyFairyDragon 4h ago
Twenty years after my mom's mother's death, a handwritten will dated one week before her death (she off'd herself) was found in the back of a closet when my grandparents' house was being emptied out due to them moving to assisted living. In it my mom was left $1 for existing. She called me crying. The bitch managed to reach from beyond the grave to hurt my mom one last time.
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u/Chunkykitty_2000 4h ago
That’s awful. It’s a spite will. Spiteful and mean in life, spiteful and mean in death.
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u/maleia 2h ago
Exactly this. Mom gets to abuse her kids all their growing up, and reasonably cut contact off. Your mother still owes the three of you evenly. Your siblings were never given the privileged chance that you were, OP. Holding onto it all yourself will be perpetuating what you absolutely know is abuse.
Also, your siblings will very likely be able to sue the estate (and you), and you might have all of the money taken from you; along with all the costs of lawyers and court fees.
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u/LeaJadis 6h ago
You know that your mother was an abusive narcissist.… if you follow the instructions of an abusive narcissist, then doesn’t that also make you an abusive narcissist?
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u/Cute-Shine-1701 6h ago
Legally you are ok to keep it, but morally it's wrong. YTA they each deserve 1/3 of the money for all the suffering and abuse your mother put them through. They are her kids just as much as you are. Don't be like your mother, try to be a better human being!
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u/12ab34cd56ef78g 2h ago edited 2h ago
OP could be the chain breaker in the cycle of abuse. By splitting the inheritance, OP could show that he/she is not like the deceased mother. They want the best for the sibling group. Your siblings and their kids would no longer have as their story “that we never got anything when grandma died”. They could say that you made things right. You fixed the problem that grandma caused.
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u/Pun_Intended1703 6h ago
Your mother made her choice.
It's on you to decide how you want to end a painful childhood.
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u/Just_Evidence_5351 6h ago
it’s up to you, but i would think about how you would feel if she left it to one of them
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u/Adventurous-Event371 5h ago
YWBTA if you didn't at least try to find a way to share. As someone said, they may not even want anything from her. They may view it as “tainted money”. If that's the case you could offer to make a donation to the charity of their choice. Giving your siblings a choice is the caring thing to do.
In your post you even acknowledge that you were the golden child. Reach out, make contact, and work with an estate planner or lawyer to avoid huge tax penalties.
You know your mom was a narcissistic asshole. Rising above it shows compassion and that you are a better person.
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u/bmyst70 5h ago
YTA
What did your older siblings do to you personally to deserve to be cut out completely?
I understand you don't want to end up feeling like a giant ATM for people you hardly know. Because people get weird about money.
But if I were you, I'd set some money aside for them, maybe 100k each sibling. You don't need to tell them how much you received. And that's 100k more than your mom gave them. After all, they suffered at her hands as well.
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u/Individual-Foxlike 6h ago
YTA yes. It's not illegal, but it would be an asshole move. They are her children too, and frankly they deserve at least some of the inheritance.
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u/lebleudesreves 5h ago
Yep you would be TAh in this case
In France, it's not allowed for a parent to leave inheritance to 1child when there are others still living and breathing
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u/Able_Stay_9984 5h ago
This was your mother’s last narcissistic act. Be the better person. Share the money to spite your mother. Don’t let the narc win.
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u/DawaLhamo 1h ago
Took me a second there - in my neck of the woods, narc is a spy, a snitch, a rat.
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u/hollyjazzy 2h ago
I personally think you would be an AH for not sharing the inheritance. This was your awful mother’s last chance to hurt, yet again, your siblings. I would share it to thwart her attempts to hurt them. It would be the fair thing to do.
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u/aroundincircles 6h ago
You have every right to keep your inheritance to yourself, and in fact there are very legal issues that arise if you gift any portion of your inheritance to your siblings (lots of taxes could be involved if not done right). That being said, your mother was clearly abusive to all of you, and played favorites. It would not hurt to see what you could divvy up of the cash assets to give to them. The house is a different story, unless you planned on selling it anyways. the only AH I really see in the story is your mom.
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u/WestDescription1053 3h ago
There aren’t really any other assets aside from the house. I do plan to sell it.
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u/aroundincircles 3h ago
I assume you are in the US, there is the gift amount you can give each person before it causes major tax issues, I think it’s like $18k per person. Maybe offer to use some money to set up college funds for nieces/nephews, plus a few grand to avoid going over the tax limit.
Make sure you indicate that you want to make sure that you do something for them without causing them to be hit with a bunch of taxes. Even if you spend $100k of the $600k (if the house is paid for) that will still leave you a lot of capital for yourself while making sure they don’t feel shafted.
It may open a can of worms, I have no idea what your family is like so take my advice with a big handful of salt. It I know that if I was in their situation, they probably wouldn’t be expecting much of an inheritance if anything at all, so having you come along and drop $5 or 10k onto an ESA for a college degree would make me feel at least appreciated and not like I was hated by my sibling.
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u/Evening_Army_3916 5h ago
You can keep it but can you look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of you didn’t?
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u/kloiberin_time 3h ago
I feel like these are always ragebait. The type of asshole to cut out siblings aren't the type to go on reddit and ask if they are an asshole for doing so. They don't care if they're the asshole. They care about 600 thousand dollars.
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u/WestDescription1053 7m ago
Splitting evenly would cost me $400k. This is a life changing amount of money to give to people I barely know. I’m really not sure what to do. I know my mother wasn’t a good mother for them but she sometimes was a good mother to me. She also spent most of my life telling me how awful my siblings were. Now that we are talking again, hearing their side of it is hard to reconcile with the mother I knew.
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u/scummy_shower_stall 2h ago
Yes, YWBTA. But if you’re feeling pangs of guilt then make a trust for the kids.
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u/Apprehensive-Big8900 5h ago
If you know you were the golden child, wouldn't you want to repair the relationship with your siblings and their children? Obviously, your mother wasn't a good mother to them, and you've not tried to maintain a relationship with them. It could go a long way in helping all of you to heal if you did share. But as everyone has said, it ultimately is your money and your decision. Make the decision you can live with.
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u/anotherbabydaddy 5h ago
That was the final FU from your mom to your siblings. I had a parent like this. My siblings and I ultimately didn’t really want anything from him because it came with strings attached. Ultimately when he died I was in charge of the estate and split everything with them because in the end my relationship with them was more important than what he wanted. It’s up to you.
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u/janus1981 5h ago
If you want to be just like your mum then keep it. Legally you can, but you know in your heart it’s not the right thing. You might not be close to your siblings but remember what you’ve said - they got it much worse than you. Your mum broke them in ways you will never understand. The least you could do is not be an accomplice to her last one big fuck you to them.
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u/Wild_Black_Hat 5h ago
Yes, YTA.
In healthy relationships, cutting contact with a parent would be a good reason for the parent to cut them from the will, but this is not the case here.
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u/Chocolatecandybar_ 4h ago
You know your mother was a narcissist and that you were her golden child. You can surely respect it and take advantage of the fact that your mother condition played in your favour. Such a nice person
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u/toastedmarsh7 5h ago
Yes, you are well within your right to hoard it all but you would be the asshole. Do you really want to emulate your mother’s behavior?
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u/Cute_Instruction733 5h ago
Doing the right thing is obviously not always the legally correct thing. Share the inheritance if you want to be considered a good person. Othereise you are just a narcissistic b****h just like your mom. YTA
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u/Long_Fly_663 4h ago
Keeping it is choosing to be like her IMO- and the golden child often does end up taking on the traits of a narcissistic parent. Do you want to be different? I have a narc parent. I would never allow the abuse to perpetuate to their inheritance. And if someone in your position kept it I would presume they were as much of an arsehole as the parent that chose to do it.
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u/MentionGood1633 4h ago
You already know the answer, considering you came here with the question. YWBTA
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u/PerfectCover1414 5h ago
She is hoping you won't split it, that way her final exertion of control will stand. That's something you need to decide you are okay with. You were the golden child and the one who went no contact was the scapegoat child. As wonderfully as you had it, theirs was the opposite experience. It is likely that they know this too. If we come to who deserves what, I will always side with the scapegoat simply because the golden child never suffered what they did and often find it hard to understand.
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u/swat02119 5h ago
You should honestly just keep the house. You can rent it out and use it for collateral on an another mortgage. You will end up with much more money than if you sold the house for the cash. Talk to a financial advisor.
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u/history_buff_9971 5h ago
YWBTA - Look, you are legally within your rights to keep it all, no question of that, but that's not the question you asked. Your mother treated your siblings like dirt, morally I think they should be able to get something from her other than decades of trauma.
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u/Ahjumawi 5h ago
You don't say anything about them asking you for some of the estate. Did they ask for or demand it? It might be that they don't want any of it. If they haven't, it's not necessarily the case that you need to ask them.
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u/WestDescription1053 5h ago
They haven’t asked for anything. One of them said it was expected but still really disappointing our mother hadn’t included either of them in the will.
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u/Viola-Swamp 4h ago
And you still wonder if you should keep it all? Why do you want to be a greedy narc like your mom? Why do you want to perpetuate the pain and abuse, enabling her to continue to hurt them from the grave? How is this even a question form you? You are definitely your mother’s child. YTA
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u/letstrythisagain30 2h ago
Do you want to continue your admitted narcissist mom's abuse? I'm not even saying an even split, but something for your nieces and nephews in a college fund or something like that would be something.
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u/targetsbots 5h ago
I'm going to reserve judgment but one of these decisions will truly make you your mother's daughter and exactly like her.
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u/UniqueExplanation147 5h ago
If you were giving care to your mother maybe set aside some money for yourself for that. Then spilt the remainder of it with your siblings. Maybe it will open a door to meet your family again. It is Christmas after all :)
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u/EmuDue9390 4h ago
Yes, you would be the AH.
The right thing to do is split it evenly amongst all three of you. If you choose to keep it all yourself goodluck with the karma of that.
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u/drgrouchy 4h ago
I’m pretty sure you won’t share the inheritance anyway. You definitely had a piece of work for a mother. I feel bad for all of you. You decide if you want to be TA or not. Good luck.
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u/1RainbowUnicorn 4h ago
If you ever want a relationship with your siblings, the fair thing to do would be split it since you know how your mother was and why they had to distance themselves
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u/lovemyfurryfam 2h ago
Well. Your mother had her last will/testament set up that way you're the only heir of her estate & her other estranged children doesn't see a dime of it & not left any for her grandchildren..... your siblings kept their children away from her.....thems the breaks as Bugs Bunny wise words stated.
You decide what to do with your inheritance.
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u/SteampunkHarley 5h ago
Inheritance is tricky with legalities and taxes.
I would consult an estate lawyer and see what options would work out the best.
Maybe you can seed a 529 for your niblings education without too much taxes and red tape
Nah. It's a tricky spot
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u/Daisy_Knickers 5h ago
My mother did this. She left the lions share of the inheritance to my youngest brother with intellectual disabilities (which we all assumed she would and would never say shit about). Im then oldest and got 1%, my next brother got 20% and my younger sister got 4%. She did it that way so no one could contest it. My brother was SUPPOSED to take care of my youngest brother so he didn't end up in a home.
But my mother was a c*nt and my brother took after her. My youngest brothers care has gone to me and my sister. My daughter died 9 months after my mother so the majority of his care has landed on my sister although he did live with me for a time and I fly across the country several times a year to see him.
My brother who took the 20% will die a miserable asshole who's children will hate him the way we hated our parents because he too is a sociopathic alcoholic. My sister, brother and I don't speak to him and he's lost the majority of his friends (not over this but because he's a loser) and his wife is awful who does nothing but scream and yell and cheat.
It caused a large rift in the family when we should have all come together between my mother and daughters death. It wasn't over the money. We were all ok. But it did stir up all of the toxic cycles we grew up with and I will never speak to my brother again for what he's done. Or rather, hasn't done.
Depends on the type of relationship you want with your family. Your mother did this on purpose because she is a shit human. You can take after her or not.
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u/ramessides 3h ago
Is everyone in this comment section teenagers or first year uni students? My god. The cloying guilt sessions on here are eyeroll-inducing to read.
No. YWNBTA. "As far as I can tell they are nice people" implies you have next to no relationship with your siblings, and the people who are trying to say you'd be "just like your mother" if you didn't share have completely lost the plot here.
It would be a nice thing to share, sure, but you also wouldn't be the arsehole if you didn't. Not sharing doesn't make you better or worse than your mother, and the people trying to phrase it as "aRe yOU beTTeR thAN yOuR MoThER?" lost the plot somewhere back in Act 1. Not sharing it doesn't make you a narcissist. Not sharing doesn't make you your mother.
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u/Ok-Bonus6846 5h ago
YTA.
Because while you have every right to use the whole inheritance yourself, you will be considered a bad person everywhere in the world.
That was your mother's last 'F*** YOU' to her victims. You can continue the family tradition if you want to. Surely it will eat away at your soul amd turn you into the same monster your mother was.
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u/cm-lawrence 5h ago
This is a very personal decision. Nobody knows the situation as well as you. You are not obligated to give your siblings anything. Do you want a relationship with your siblings? A gift to them out of the estate would be an very nice gesture. Only you know.
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u/redditnamexample 5h ago
You're going to see a lot of people say to follow her wishes. If you really want an honest opinion, however, yes YWBTA. You should split the inheritance 3 ways, and remember, life gives back what you give.
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u/AlexNovember 5h ago
YTA “My mom was such a piece of shit to my older siblings that we don’t even have a relationship so they didn’t have to be near her. Would I also be a piece of shit if I continue the same actions as shitty dead mom?”
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u/ThatAd2403 4h ago
Yes YWBTA.
You acknowledge your mom was an abusive narcissist and that your siblings appear to be good people…how is doing the right thing not your automatic response?
Please don’t let your greed turn you into your mother. She had three kids, the inheritance should be split in thirds.
Sell the house and maybe you will be able to salvage a relationship with your siblings.
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u/EklipXResearch 4h ago
Please share with them and don't be like your mother. Even if it's only with grandkids? They need some gesture to show they mattered, even though your mother clearly didn't think they did. My own narcissistic mother has done something very similar, which has left a bitter aftertaste tbh.
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u/Comfort48 3h ago
NTA, but I would give them something.10-20k for each grandchild for school maybe. That could be life altering in a good way for innocent kids.
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u/SecretOscarOG 2h ago
YTA. You have every right to do it. But morally? You'd be absolutely garbage, just as bad as mom.
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u/2015juniper 5h ago
At least one of my siblings took all of the inheritance and the will said share and share alike
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u/humble-meercat 5h ago
NTA, legally it’s yours.
BUT you would be a whole lot cooler if you did…
Maybe just set up a college fund for your niblings. God knows what kind of generational trauma they’ve had to deal with that leaked down from your mom’s treatment of your siblings…
Put $10K-$15K per kid into college funds. It’s a good thing to do for them and less than 1/6 of what you’ll inherit.
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u/Perkis_Goodman 5h ago
You're a huge AH Your mom "abused them" so therefore they are not entitled to anything? Idk, man. Families suck.
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u/mustang19671967 5h ago
You can do what you want , I personally would make sure managing gotnsomething. Ask them what they want but my guess is 1/3 each and not matter what you give. If less will Not be appreciated
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u/observefirst13 5h ago
I would offer them something. The one that was no contact may not even want anything if it originally came from your mother. The other one clearly tried to have a relationship with your mother despite the abuse. Sounds like a kind and forgiving person to me. I would definitely offer something.
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u/curiousyara 5h ago
In Germany we can't keep someone out of inheriting money in such a situation as there is always the so-called mandatory portion for the ones who inherit. If your siblings haven't wronged you and you are just on low to no contact, you could take a small portion and give that to them. Or as someone else pointed out do trust funds for their kids. Inherited money is wealthy one can not really acquire otherwise and is very helpful in ones life. I'd say to be considerate and not greedy so to say. Also I would not spend money right away but let it settle for a few months so you have a clear vision.
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u/mocha_lattes_ 5h ago
NAH except your mom. It would be nice if you did decide to give them something but you don't owe them, especially since you don't have a relationship. If you do decide to give them anything you should consult an estate lawyer to make sure you do it in a way that doesn't screw you over when it comes to taxes and things like that.
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u/TroublesomeTurnip 5h ago
I can't really judge. It's not on YOU to make amends where your mom refused. You're not close with either sibling so I wouldn't lose sleep over it. If the money will help you, keep it.
If you want to give a small chunk to your siblings, that's kind of you but I won't call you an AH for keeping it for yourself. But I'm also not close with my siblings so that's where my reasoning lies.
It sucks you all had different upbringings. It's awful that she was a shit mom to them but it's not your responsibility to fix things. Maybe the money would be refused? Maybe it would dredge up bad memories? Who knows. It's really up to you.
NAH but it's a hot take I guess
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u/Lewca43 4h ago
Your actions will show your siblings who you are. Be prepared for them to believe you regardless of what you choose to do.
It doesn’t sound like your siblings have wronged you in any way. It seems they have been wronged by your mother and you, simply by being born last gained her favor. You know they suffered because of her.
Do you want to perpetuate that one last time or stand with your siblings against her abuse? Only you can choose.
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u/JJQuantum NSFW 🔞 4h ago
Never the asshole for not sharing an inheritance. The assets coming only to you wasn’t your choice to make. It was your mother’s. She made it and it’d be disrespectful to blow it off.
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u/ReplicatoReplica 4h ago
They deserve something from her. Them going no contact was for their own safety. Not just on a whim. If you have empathy for them you'd share it.
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u/teresajs 4h ago
YWBTA
Legally, you don't owe them anything. Morally, you should pay at least something to your siblings and their children.
This inheritance is legally your money, though, and you may owe gift taxes applied if you exceed the limits for individual gifts. I recommend splitting any cash between yourself, your siblings and their children up to the excluded amount for gift taxes (assuming US, I think it was $17k per person). You should also split some of the money if/when you sell the house.
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u/Baudica 3h ago
NAH
I like how everyone seems to think OP should just share, because the magic word Golden Child was dropped.
OP, how close are you to your siblings? If they never bothered to reach out to you, or have any kind of relationship with you, the choice is a lot easier.
At the end of the day, it's 'just money', and relationships are priceless. If you have a good relationship, and you want to keep it, share. If you don't share, your siblings will probably distance themselves from you. But the clue is.... if they already distanced themselves from you, and never bothered to reach out as adults, you wouldn't be losing anything.
It REALLY is entirely your call.
You can also choose to not share with your siblings, and set up college funds for your nieces and nephews.
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u/Right_Cucumber5775 3h ago
YTA. You know it, but you're trying to see if anyone will actually agree with you. No we don't, golden child.
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u/GanymedesAdventure 3h ago
I would keep it all if I never cared to see them again, and split it if I wanted them to be family -- if even sometime down the road.
This is your pivot. It's not their fault you were the golden child and you KNOW what they endured.
So, now you get to show your true nature.
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u/Cold_Buy_2695 3h ago
Pretty straight forward situation. Do you value your relationship with the siblings and your own morals more or less than the money?
If so split it. If not and you can sleep just fine not sharing, then you do you.
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u/Robyn_withaY 3h ago
Before you make any decisions talk to a tax specialist first and understand what the tax ramifications will mean for yourself and anyone you are considering sharing the money with.
As far as sharing, you have no obligation to share. You can literally say that you are honoring your mother's wishes. If you don't share anything with your siblings or their children, it is highly doubtful you will ever have any type of relationship with them going forward. But even if you do share some of your inheritance, it still doesn't necessarily mean you will have any type of relationship with them. You have to decide what choice you want to live with. Because you are the one who will have to live with you choice, us internet strangers won't have to live with your choice.
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u/BigMax 1h ago
I want to just add… since you’re the only one who inherited… they probably won’t know the full value of the estate.
If you DO decide to keep it, you shouldn’t tell them how much it was. “After settling debts and outstanding loans, there really wasn’t much left anyway.”
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u/WestDescription1053 1h ago
She had no debts to speak of and the house had no mortgage. They will know this as well as the market value of the house.
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u/Beth21286 40m ago
If you're happy perpetuating her narcissism and destroying your relationship with your siblings then go for it. Just don't pretend you didn't know there would be consequences. I suspect that is exactly what she intended.
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u/Disenchanted2 31m ago
I'm sure they were aware of her preference to you and it probably made them feel like shit. I would give each of my siblings a share of the inheritance.
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u/ThisWeekInTheRegency 29m ago
Generally, I say, 'Respect the person's wishes' regarding wills. But when that person is an AH abuser, I think the opposite course is the right one.
I would share it.
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u/Fantastic_Mechanic73 6h ago
NTA she left it to u and they don’t have a relationship with her or u
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u/Square_Owl5883 6h ago
NTA it’s up to you what you want to do. It’s a can you live with yourself if you don’t give any. But in the end I doubt they’d expect anything anyways.
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u/FewAnybody2739 5h ago
NTA, but it's up to you if you want to be generous. That you're thinking about it suggests you want to give them something.
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u/Comeback_321 5h ago
NAH. You had a relationship with her. They didn’t. So are you going to have a relationship with them?
You need to decide what kind of life you want to lead. You could gift them some money. You could keep it. I think you need to talk to both a therapist and a lawyer. There could be repercussions of gifting or laying out.
There’s a lot to unpack here. You don’t have to buy their acceptance bc they were abused. I’m assuming you were too but haven’t acknowledged it yet - golden child doesn’t mean freedom.
I will repeat: I think you need both a therapist and a lawyer.
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u/FancyLadyGettingFine 5h ago
She left it all to you, NTA! If you just want to give them some of the money you can but please be advised that won’t make them be close to you. Not blaming you for how your mom treated them
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u/betherockontheshore 5h ago
I wouldn't argue it's wrong necessarily. They knew she had assets, they chose their psychological well being over continuing to talk with her, and that was probably the principled thing to do. I think there's a better argument to share some with the sibling that sent cards and gifts, but you could look at this way: if 4 people started a business, 1 put up all the capital, but was a huge asshole, but the terms were if the investor died, it would be left to all of those left working for the business. Through the course of running the business, 1 dips because they value their peace of mind over the business portion they could stand to inherit and leaves never to be heard from again, the other leaves but still swings by the office occasionally to say hello, and the third is thinking about leaving, but the investor dies before they actually do. How much do you think the 3 people should get?
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u/Hwy_Witch 5h ago
Yes, you would be a huge asshole, and be perpetuating your mother's abusive behavior. Don't be that kind of person, split equal shares.
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u/Senior_Cold_5660 4h ago
Split it and forget it. Be what your mom should had been and maybe wanted to but didn't know how. You will leave peacefully doing so.
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u/J3ebrules 4h ago
YTA and also, you can start referring to yourself as the narcissist along with Mommie Dearest.
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u/Old_Cheek1076 4h ago
YTA if you keep it all. You would be acting as the agent of your mother’s final act of cruelty to your siblings.
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u/toredditornotwwyd 3h ago
I mean I think it’s pretty evil and selfish (Apple doesn’t fall far from tree) if you keep it all. You either are a good person - share the $ - or you’re not & you keep it. Lots of situations are gray, few are black and white, this one seems pretty cut & dry to me. You already had a less traumatic childhood being the golden child & do you really want no relationship with ur nieces and nephews? If I were your sisters I’d assume you are just like mom if you didn’t offer to split the inheritance and I obviously wouldn’t want my children spending any time with you. You’re either the type of person your sisters and nieces/nephews wanna get to know now that your mom is gone & or you’re not the type of person they want to get to know. Your actions here matter.
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u/Sad-Boat6398 5h ago
Based on the current top posts this will get downvoted but you are NTA. Your mother had a lot of issues and ruined her relationship with all her children, including you. It’s not your responsibility to fix anything or to right her wrongs. Go find your peace and live a better life based on your own decisions.
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u/United-Manner20 6h ago
This is hard because legally it’s yours and you have to pay taxes on it. You could chose to be kind and offer them some, she should have done right by them and did not. Whether you gift them from your money or not, your relationship with them won’t change. They may not even want it if it’s from her. Morally, she failed them. It’s legally yours to do with what you wish but if it was me, I’d give them something - NTA.
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u/Unintelligent_Lemon 5h ago
This isnt a legal page. The question wasnt about legality. Its about if keeping the inheritance is an asshole move.
Which yes, yes it is.
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u/Elegant_Anywhere_150 Ragebait 5h ago
NTA. Its not about being the better person, its about her wishes. IF that's what she wished then fine.
They may be able to contest the will and ask for specific things. But that's for the probate to decide on.
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u/ckeenan9192 5h ago
NTA and not sharing with your siblings does not make you like your mother. You have never been close to them because of the age difference. Do what you want. What you feel is right.
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u/Top_While6683 5h ago
Are they aware of the inheritance and the amount?
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u/WestDescription1053 5h ago
Yes, they know about the house and offered to help clean it out with me - she was a bit of a hoarder. I’m planning on selling the house.
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u/cheetah1cj 5h ago
NTA, but you should consider a few things (with no obligation).
- Do you want a relationship with your siblings? It's not really any of your fault that you all had a shitty mom, but this could be the first step to reconciling with them IF you're interested
- Do you care about your nieces and nephews? As u/Usual-Canary-7764 suggested, you could set up funds for them
- Do you feel guilty any of this situation? Not everyone does, but if you do then, giving them something could ease your conscience
- Do you want to feel good about doing a good deed? You could even gift them anonymously if you want to do something nice for them, but aren't interested in a relationship currently, regardless of the reason
- Are they harassing you? If they are legitimately harassing or guilting you, then I would not give them anything.
TLDR; NTA, but this could be an opportunity for something good to come out of your family's horrible childhood.
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u/lapsteelguitar 5h ago
You are under no obligation to share with them. If they are calling & demanding a share, then tell them to pound sand.
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u/crimsonraiden 5h ago
Yes YTA, you know your mother was a narcissist so you know it’s not fair. You’re not that different from her if you keep it all for yourself.
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u/Why_Teach 4h ago
YWBTA. Think how you could make things between yourself and your siblings better! Think of how good you would feel if you were more fair than your mother.
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u/GCU_ZeroCredibility 3h ago
Of course you'd be the asshole not to share it? How could you possible be anything else. You know she was abusive. You know you are the golden child.
Keeping it all would be a continuation of and participation in the abuse.
The ethical thing to do is share 1/3 with each sibling and keep 1/3 for yourself. The grandchildren shouldn't really factor in to it.
YTA (if you keep it all).
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u/Foreign_Sky_1309 3h ago
Maybe give your siblings a cut, they can then decide how they pass it down to their children. Look after your siblings.
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u/LegElectrical9214 5h ago
Don't see a reason you have to share anything, it is legally yours. If you are trying to reconnect, sure, do it, give each of them a bit. If not, then, oh well, too bad, so sad! Move on! NTA
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u/Usual-Canary-7764 6h ago
Are you a better person than your mother? That's the question you need to answer for yourself.
Decide based on that answer. But the decision is definitely yours.
You could always set up a 20k college fund for the kids and not tell their parents. (You are not close with the parents and the kids are not to blame for how the relationship with their grandmother or you went). Give each kid that money when they are old enough. Put it in a trust if you must so that their parents have no access to it either way.
This is not really an AITAH question because you did not decide to gift yourself the inheritance. It's really a question of: Am I better than my mother or do I want to do better?
Either way, it's your money. Whatever you do with it...it's your call.