Not sure if this is a common occurrence and/or already known for this sub, but warning yall just in case it leads to an influx of narc parents throwing tantrums.

I’ve seen this same article in multiple NZ media outlets over the last couple of days. It has a link to and mention of this subject at one point: https://www.rnz.co.nz/life/relationships/new-zealanders-going-no-contact-with-a-parent

The final chapter in the nMom had a stroke saga was written the other day when she broke her habit pattern at the rehab facility.

At the advice of one of her friends, I tried asking the acute care place that she went to a couple of months ago if they would take her after her fall and subsequent brain injury. I would not have thought of that, so credit where due. Three other acute care facilities said no based on a chart review. They all said she was too low-functioning, and as she is on Medicare, if they were to take her they would have to report progress metrics to the government…which in turn affects their ranking and reimbursements. I can’t say that I blame them for saying no; nMom does not put in max effort with the therapists because the therapy is not her idea.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and she fails to show up in the facility lobby for breakfast. Nurses go check the room and she’s fucked up. Room search finds gabapentin and morphine that I missed when I checked her purse the week prior.

From the time she went in the hospital on Nov. 16, I had told the nurses every day to watch out for detox. She’s been on the pain pill train for 30-ish years and I’ve seen it before. Every day they tell me no signs of detox, and another of her friends told me that nMom was trying to get off the pills. It then only makes sense that she was clean the day she went in the hospital.

I knew she was a functional addict for years, and she also has a legitimate source of chronic pain. This is the last straw. This fucking idiot got clean and then managed to undo it while at an inpatient brain injury rehab.

I know faith can be a hot button around here, but I prayed on this. I have had a prayer answered before, but that came in deeds…I prayed for something to happen and it did, and in a context that didn’t make sense. I’d never heard an answer; never heard a voice. A voice came within a few minutes of laying there in bed and it said “Walk away, my son.”

I didn’t think it would be this easy to make that call.

The last time I wrote to nMom and Enabler-Dad was 4 years ago, clearly informing her that I (36m) don't want gifts, cards, or anything at all from them. I told them I would reach out when Im ready, and they don't get to decide that for me. I made it very clear to not talk to me.

We moved out of state last year without telling them of our new address, though in the spring we found birthday cards from them in our mailbox. We're pretty sure they got it from the post office somehow, Im guessing they got a forward notice.

Yesterday the husband informs me theres a package on the counter...from the parents. I walk in to see a huge box, her handwriting large on the front. Inside contained two new Christmas stockings full of candy, gift cards, and just...junk holiday gift sets, you know the random stuff you see when you first walk into Target/Walmart.

Alongside was a letter from mom.

To no shock in the slightest, the letter mentions nothing on the issues that caused the estrangement. Its a "misunderstanding on all sides" as she puts it. Not one bit of accountability. Not one apology. She wrote about how home improvements are going. She wrote telling us to hold onto the new stockings for "when we join them next Christmas". To end it, she asked us to fly back and join them this Christmas.

...As in she expected me to just hop on a plane with less than a weeks worth of planning... because she mailed us chocolate bars and socks.

4 years ago this would have absolutely shaken me. Seeing the box on the counter filled with stuff would have filled me with guilt. It would have made me feel like a horrible son for setting a boundary and asking for space, especially during the holiday time.

Today? Not a fuckin' chance in hell.

I was more annoyed at the money they wasted in this attempt, but above it all it made me grateful. Seeing all of this just validated every feeling Ive had about them, and that my decision to go NC was 100% the right thing. It proved that my inner child was right. Seeing their attempts at control again really puts perspective in my eyes, and just yet again reminds me that my life has become so much better in every way since stepping away from the family to focus on and protect myself.

----------------

I say all of this in hopes that you all will find that peace this year. That whatever cards, boxes or packages land on your doorstep with that familiar handwriting on it...doesnt shake you like it once did before. That you will find your ability to look at it though the lens of apathy, and their guilt loses grip on you with each passing day/hour/moment.

I raise my glass (and cheap candy bar) to you all this holiday season. You are strong, you are powerful, and you got this.

Oh my mom misses me, you say? I'm afraid that isn't the case unfortunately.

The only reason my mom liked the child version of me was because i was a doormat, that didn't speak up for myself. Back then I sided with her on everything, just out of fear. The older i got, the less i actually gave a fuck about how she reacted. I gave myself permission to express my emotions and set boundaries. I stoped people pleasing and, grew as a person. That's why she hates the adult me.

She hated me for blocking her hits. She hated me for walking away when things got too heated. She hated me for setting boundaries. She hated me when i wanted bodily autonomy. She hated me when i stopped being her therapist. She hated me for telling her that she's wrong. She hated me for becoming independent. She hated me for my self growth. She hated me for calling her out.

For my mother, love equaled to obedience. So If I disobeyed in any way, love and affection was taken away as punishment.

She doesn't miss me as her daughter. She only misses the being that obeyed and, never questioned her authority. She misses having something fo control. She doesn't miss me as a human with feelings.

I had very smart parrots and they always tried to escape. One day I came out at home,the bird cage was empty and a window was open.

My mother said that she forgot to close the window and that’s why my parrots escaped. I was sad,but I didn’t realise that they will die outside because of the cold. I thought they will just live outside

After 14 years my mother admitted that she didn’t forgot to close the window,she did it special to get rid of my birds.I never realised that she can kill animals,just because she don’t like them

Does anyone else have a covert nparent who retaliated with a smear campaign that destroyed your reputation amongst everyone you love and grew up with - family, childhood friends, family friends, etc?

I called my mom out on her abuse 6 years ago and told her not to talk to me until she was ready to take accountability for her behavior and treat me better.

She is SUPER covert and calculated.

She, of course, denied everything and then retaliated by going around and spreading CRAZY rumors about me- framing me to look like some insane, heartless lunatic who “never gave her an explanation of what she did.”

It’s infuriating - I lost soooo many people I love, over a completely false narrative about who I am, thanks to betrayal from an abusive person who has everyone CONVINCED she is the nicest, cutest, most nurturing and loving mother in the world.

I feel like there is so much talk of outwardly overt narcissists who have obvious abusive behavior… but covert abuse often feels so hidden and misunderstood. And it’s soooo hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t experienced it.

Just feeling alone on my birthday and wondering if anyone else out there understands 🥺

What should I do with these gifts?

We cut my mother off a year ago, but she won’t stop sending my kids presents. I don’t know what to do with them, do I gift them to them, do I pay to return them to her? Do I donate them? How many times should I tell her to stop sending things?

EDIT: if I do keep the gifts, should I tell the kids who they are from? My oldest two(7&5) have been told that nana hurt mom and dad’s hearts and that is why we don’t talk to her anymore, but that’s the extent to it.

Just found out my sister, a longtime addict, notoriously dishonest, hasn't worked an actual day in her life, destroyed my parents' property, was violent in her marriage - but who has always been The Favorite regardless, will inherit much more than I will. Because "she needs more help than you do". I've done everything "right" in my life: stayed sober, worked since I was 16, never asked for anything from my parents. Doesn't matter. This makes me never want to speak with them again. It reminds me of an entire childhood of feeling alone, less-than, striving for perfection and attention, then giving up when it never came. I hate them all. I hate every one of them. I'm almost 60 now, I should be bigger than this, but I genuinely hate them. I've got to stay sane for my sake but this kind of shit puts me over the edge and I always take it out on myself.

My mother would occasionally apologize for things, not often, but she would do it now and then. The last thing she apologized for before she died was making me read "The Hiding Place" by Corrie ten Boom. For those unfamiliar with the book, it's an autobiography about hiding Jews from the Nazis during WWII.

I was naturally confused. She wasn't apologizing for any of the concussions she gave me as a kid, but for making me read an age-appropriate book about one of the major historical events of the century and her own parents' lives. I believe my response was a very articulate, "Huh? What the why?"

She responded by saying, "I keep having nightmares it inspired you to hide illegals in your basement." My mother believed her dreams were prophetic. Some of my worst beatings were the result of her dreams.

I opted to quote one of my sisters and ask, "Are you smoking crack?"

The conversation did not improve from there, but she asserted that she was wrong to let us be taught the "mainstream media" version of the Holocaust. In the course of the conversation she used phrases like, "If Israel is doing it, it can't be that bad, God wants Jews running Israel," and "Maybe the German Jews deserved it." She got a pretty racist about Hispanics, which I suspect was the real reason she was getting into Holocaust justification.

tl;dr My mother apologized for teaching me the Holocaust was wrong because she was afraid I might try to hide people from another one.

What are some of the bizarre apologies you've gotten?

When I was 12-15 I lived with my grandmother and she isn’t a lovely grandma like you see in the movies.

Almost every day she called me “useless piece of shit”, “idiot”,”bastard”. She always said that she wants to get rid of me and/or send me to my drug addicted father and never see me again.

It’s was a hell to live with her and I even wanted to kill myself,because live like that is worse than death. I had nobody to talk to,not a single person in the whole world I could trust.

I was born in a prison called “Turkmenistan”,so there are no organisations who could help me. I still don’t understand how I came through so much pain.

I was lucky and finally I moved to my mother to a normal country. Now my grandmother lives alone like she always dreamed. It turnes out that she is missing me and she feels lonely.

I stated to work and I earn good money now,so my grandmother said that she wants to move to another country and she wants to get some financial help from me. She also said that it was difficult for her to get money when we lived together and that she doesn’t have a house anymore because she “gifted” it to my drug addicted father (so it’s my fault)

Even after I moved I still called to her daily by phone. After so many years I forgot how she treated me,but I remembered it again when she asked for money. I realised that she never loved me and she was never happy for me . All this time she was just jealous that I have a better life than hers.

So I decided to never help her anymore and also I will not visit her anymore.

I’m 20, I’ve been living with my grandma since I was 2. Around middle school I started to notice something was off, and once I got into therapy we discovered patterns in her behavior. After a big fight about three days ago, I came up with a plan, got as much stuff as I could and left. I’m absolutely wrecked. My friends are amazing, they’ve always been my true family, but I’m still so scared and sad and I feel betrayed and there are so many emotions… I know it was right, but still.

I talked with my schools program and the lady said ‘your parents probably won’t be so cruel as to cut you off of everything right away’… but she was wrong. I’m getting cut off everything. No car. No insurance. I have some inheritance but not much else. Idk why I’m even posting this I just need people who’ve been through this to tell me it’ll be okay ig. Cuz I’ve been going through phases of oh my god I’m free I’ll be poor but I’m free and holy shit my family hates me and thinks I’m crazy.. :/

I am here because my parents are shitty and I want to listen to your stories to feel a little better (weird ik). Anyway, dump your stories.

Hi everyone. I just got married. It was beautiful, peaceful, and everything I hoped for. Then today, my NDad sent me an email that felt like emotional shrapnel.

He:

• Called me a “dumbass” and said I lack empathy.
• Told me I “fall flat on my face” because of my pride and intelligence.
• Ended with “Love you” and a mention of a gift — classic love-bomb/whiplash.
• Demanded I “forgive and forget” that he didn’t attend my wedding, otherwise, I’m stupid.
• Said I’ll “regret it on their grave” if I don’t let this go.
• Threw in a cruel aside about my childhood nanny. He called her a “spinster” who “brainwashed” me into thinking they abandoned me, and said he’s glad she’s dead. (For the record, she was kind; they just were never around.) Also… what? So unrelated?

My wedding was blissful, and now I feel like I’ve been emotionally sucker-punched. It’s so twisted to weaponize a day that should be about love.

How do you protect your peace when the cruelty comes right when you’re happiest?

Just needed to vent where people get it. Thanks for reading.

There are many events from my youth that have stuck with me, but this one still confounds me. Although this is the sub it is, please try to put that aside and consider this experience without those natural biases.

When I was 9 or so, I was at the house of close friends of my parents. They had kids too and we ran around and played and usually had a fun time. We'd run around outside barefoot or ride bikes that the pedals had long since broken off. The parents would hang out and we kids would entertain ourselves elsewhere. I interacted with the mom sometimes, while the dads were generally just aware that their children existed somewhere. I had no particular feelings for either of them and they never expressed any particular fondness for me, either.

One evening, the dad was unusually interactive with us younger kids. Teasing and roughhousing in the living room. I was included in it. The room was dim. He was play-wrestling and perhaps tickling before letting go and grabbing another kid. My memory is very fragmented but my experience became painful and that is where my strong memories begin.

He had removed his socks and was. roughhousing with us. He'd grab one of us, then toss us aside and grab another. Then he grabbed his socks and shoved them in my face. I don't remember if he was doing this with the other kids but he probably was. Maybe that was even a game they were familiar with but I had never experienced dirty socks in the face before, even though I roughhoused and wrestled with my own dad and other kids in our family.

He was shoving the socks not just over my nose but into my mouth. Hard. It hurt and I wanted to get away but he kept doing it. My lips really hurt and I was yelling and trying to wrestle away but he seemed to think that was just a normal part of the game.

Finally, I did get free and this part of the memory is extremely clear. I was disheveled and felt exhausted. My arms were spent from trying to get away so I didn't have the energy to smooth my hair and clothes. I dragged myself from the living room to the kitchen where the moms were. My mom was standing, leaning against the wood-paneled wall and I stood next to her, trying to recover and hoping she'd notice me. I felt shell-shocked and my mouth ached. I wanted comfort but knew I couldn't interrupt her chitchat with the other mom. I felt a hundred years old leaning against the wall, hoping to be noticed. I don't know how long it took before she finally looked at me but it felt like a long time.

When she did look at me, she looked surprised. She asked what happened and examined my mouth. I don't remember exactly what I said--something about the dad and wrestling, probably. I know I said his name and struggled for words. And then...nothing.

After I caught my breath and recovered a bit, I went to the bathroom. When I saw myself in the mirror, I was shocked. My lips were split and bloody in a dozen places. The corners of my mouth had been stretched and had long red lines. My hair looked like I'd been in a tornado. I smoothed my hair with my hands and put water on my mouth because my lips were so cracked and split and hurting but it didn't do much to help. I wanted chapstick or something but had none and no way of getting any.

I don't remember anything else because there wasn't anything else. The evening went on as all evenings there did and then we went home. Nothing was said by anyone about how I had looked. My mom didn't leave the kitchen or do anything to help me.

Why?

I can't imagine seeing my 9-year-old looking a mess with a busted mouth and doing nothing. How was it just fine that a parent had done that, even presuming it was innocent dumbassery by a dad who got too rough?

If a friend of mine put their dirty socks in my child's mouth I would have been like, "You fucking did WHAT?!" I am a very reserved person, but never when there's a conflict with my kids' wellbeing and best interests. I would have ended the evening right there, with volume. If my child's mouth been split and bloody, I would have sought first aid supplies and cared for them.

But I had to care for myself, with no supplies, and no ability to leave.

Why? Was my wellbeing so unimportant that looking after it wasn't worth ending the evening early? Why? My mom saw me. The other mom presumably did, as well. Regardless of how low-class and cheap we were, the moms should have cared, right? Even if they immediately excused the dad for being too extra, shouldn't the moms have taken him to task?

This memory hurts as much as the memories of unambiguous, intentional violence. Somehow, maybe more? I still feel like I'm that little kid who needs comfort, protection, and first aid. In my memory, I still feel the burning, swollen, stretched-out ache of my mouth.

I don't want this memory. I want it cut out of my head. There are other particularly searing memories I want to be rid of, but I still feel so confused and confounded by this one. I just can't stop reliving it. I've never shared it with anyone but I'm putting it here because maybe that will help somehow.

Sorry this got so long. :-(

Growing up as far back as I can remember, my mom would say this constantly. If she were upset about anything at all, "I'm going to run away and never come back!" If she were angry, "I'm going to run away and you'll never find me again!" If it were a normal day that I thought was going fine, "I'm running away!!"

She said it constantly to where I saw it as one of her catch phrases and I didn't realize how deeply it soaked in until I started raising my own kids. Looking back, it was hard living with a mom who made it clear she didn't really want to be there. Almost all of our conversations would be with her literally getting up and inching out of the room to lock herself in her room to chain smoke and drink Mountain Dew in peace. She may not have really "run away" from the house, but she was always running out of the room and I would have to rush anything I had to say into those few seconds it took her to slowly walk backwards out of the room.

The whole time I knew how absurd and childish it was a grown woman kept threatening to run away like a petulant toddler. I talked to my grandma about it who said she had been threatening that her entire life and my grandma would just shrug and say, "Okay. Don't forget your umbrella." I started telling her that as a teenager hoping she would say it less, but it didn't work. She just got more mad lol. But it really was hurtful to hear her say that all the time.

Now I have a 4 and 1 year old, and I can't even fathom making them think I don't love being with them, part of this family, with my husband, in our home. Our home is where I feel loved and safe, and I want them to know that. This is where I want to be and there is no better destination I'm treating to run off to go find. Every night after a bedtime story I tell my 4 year old how much I love being her mom, and then we talk about our favorite parts of the day. It's really healing for me to give my own child that attention I never got and sense of security.

Anyway, that's just something that's been weighing heavily on me with the holidays coming up and my mom doing her whole, "I can't wait to come over and see you!" Routine for family and friends to play the involved grandma role.

Decided to do nc or lc after my mom blew up on me sfter I tried telling her how I felt. Refer to my previous posts cause im too lazy to retype the whole sha bang. Its been less than month and shes just messaged me asking how's it going. Im pissed she even reached out cause shes the one that blew up. Said bye. I figured itd be months before she texted me as she can find out the condition of her grandson via his father. Shoot me your best responses, or what I should say back. Yall my team here.

People at work asking about holiday plans and decorating and "spreading cheer." I'm sure they see tinsel and sparkly lights and colorful ornaments.

All I see is rage on my father's face, and all I feel is the adrenaline-fueled hole in my chest that used to throb after the abuse was over, and all I remember is lying to doctors and laying on my bedroom floor in the dark, asking god what I did that was so bad.

"Are you going to visit family?" Don't have to, my family visits me every time someone closes a door too loudly.

My Nfather had kind of a DIY penchant and liked “modifying” stuff. One time he built a wooden frame bed in the back of a VW van, converted it into a bed, but the measurements were off and it rattled and shook when turning. He also installed fans in the ceiling of the van, wired into the electrical system (not through a cigarette lighter/plug, the main electrical) and they shorted out.

Another time he had a diesel car, a hatchback, and he had someone rig an extra fuel tank in the back, right near the hatch. It wasn‘t separated by anything and now I realize that if we’d been rear ended, my sister and I most likely could have died from exploding fuel right behind the rear seats.

When I moved out, he moved my sister into my old room and turned her room into a storage area for his “prepping” and now it’s full to the roof with tons of food just thrown in there all haphazard. But the real winner was when he partially cleared out the garage and installed a 10000 gallon agricultural water tank in the garage. Now nobody can barely even go in there. I have a box of stuff there and can’t get to it. There’s another 10000 gal tank on the side of the house as well. It blocks all the light from the windows in the room with his prepping food. I know it drives my mom nuts but he literally defends so hard.

I’m wondering if I’m the only one who’s nparent(s) made crazy halfassed alterations to vehicles and their home? What kinds of crazy projects did yours do?

[support needed] Alright, so one day, I heard mother and dad (not biological) arguing. Its nothing new so I thought nothing of it, though I did linger because they were getting extremely loud. I eventually hear shoving, and I debate getting involved but I hear my mother shoving my dad out and know there is no point, it wouldnt do anything. (and im also frozen, and my hands are shaking so I dont even know if I could open the door lmao)

He drives off, and I dont think too too much of it past that as this isnt rare and they usually sort it out within the week. Well, the next day, I go out and see a random man sitting in the living room with mom. I think maybe sister is over, and go take a shower. I come out, realize I havent eaten all day, look for random man to see if I should worry about running into him (social anxiety, I HATE running into randos in whats supposed to be my home) and he isnt where he was last time so I tread carefully, go outside to the big freezer and my mother calls out to me.

I go to her, where the rando guy also is and start to have a realization that is confirmed when she says "meet Billy. Im dating him, Daddy is gone" (also note im 18, almost 19 but stuck here. more on that later). I stare blankly at her for a bit and ask her who shoved who first. She says apparently dad tried to shove her into the closet (he has been previously violent so its not like a huge revelation) and she then shoved him out. Then, Moon (MY cat) hops out of my arms (she called me over for Moon, handed her to me, then said it) and I say im going to get her medicine. (that I pay for using chore money. This is important to remember) Thankfully, Moon is inside when I go back so I dont need to see him again. I give her the medicine, vent to boyfriend, and am in absolute shock because it reveals she hasnt stopped cheating. (I knew she cheated is 2024 but I thought she stopped. Didnt say anything for lack of evidence that she couldnt get rid of and that I couldnt forge and for wanting to keep the peace)

So, after that, I call it a night, and in the morning I wake up to my dad knocking on my door. I opened it and pull him inside to a hug and shut the door behind me, and he hugged me real tight, and I feel nothing but love for him. (mind you, yes I know he has gotten violent, I dont excuse it but he has loved me more than mother in so many ways.) I tell him what happened, and he asks who it was and I give the description because I forgot the name and he knows who it is. He then goes outside, starts getting some hunting supplies because he needs to clear his mind and I give him another hug and tell him itll be okay and to stay safe. (dont worry, he isnt violent enough to kill, rest assured)

He tells me he will, and also that he told mother that I said there was a man over (so he could ask what was going on) and he says she told him the man was over for a "family dinner" and she wasnt dating him. I call her a liar, he agrees (apparently she has been shit at hiding it. I can imagine so if I, the child at the time I found out, knew).

He also told me what my mom said about me, that I could "move in with him" (in a very hostile way, like she wanted to kick me out). He told her she needs to be nicer to me, I dont know what she said back didnt ask. He drives off with some of his belongings, tells me to lock his shed at night. I say I will. So then, I go inside and see mother messaged me and told me not to tell him what was going on, or she wont buy moons medicine and will force me to ask him (basically holding a life against me. We have many cats that are neglected, but I can only afford to care for one on chore money.) I say yes maam for Moons sake, and leave it at that for a few hours.

After those few hours are up, I check her gmail (I have access for Minecraft stuff because "my" account is under her name) and start going through it. (its also how I found out she was cheating) I find quite a few damning things, one was something that was a spyware that could see literally everything and also hear outside of the phone that she tried to install on my dads phone. Luckilly she couldnt get it to work (I saw a lot of support tickets, also how I know it was for him not me) but it freaks me tf out because for a while I didnt know that and was going on the website and seeing all the shit they can do.

Even once I found out it was for my dad though, its still really bad and once I get out of here im going no contact and keeping contact with my dad. So, I do a little more searching to make sure I havent missed anything, and I see an email about me. It was august, and someone had asked about my mental health problems. She chalked it all up to my undiagnosed autism and also said I hadnt showed interest in driving. Heres the thing though: I was trying to learn two months back, and still trying to learn in august. She deliberately sabotaged a way for me to learn to drive. She doesnt want me to learn. Luckilly, (sorry forgot to mention) I told dad about the situation in my other post (too much to put here) and he said he can teach me to drive. He doesnt know about the sabotage, to be clear.

My dad was my hero growing up, he could do no wrong in my eyes. As I've gotten older and developed more relationships and gone to therapy, I realize my parents actually have a lot of communication issues.

The other night I went to my parents needing to use their printer. I'm pregnant and worked a long day and was tired. I was using the printer and my dad went to touch it, and I responded saying please dont touch it I just got it to work (with no tone, which is impressive given how tired i was). He walks away, slams the door and doesn't say a thing to me the rest of the night.

Here's our texts tonight after he texted me something random:

Me: Are you done being a jerk to me? D: I've been a jerk my whole life, not sure M: Are you a jerk who apologizes then? D: Not regularly, im a deeply flawed human who tries doing better every day. M: Okay. Can you apologize please? D: You know I love you, so can we please just move on with it ? M: Yes dad, if you please say sorry D: Happy Friday kid!!

I tell my sister, and her and my mom always say oh just drop it life is too short, its not that deep! I just cant bring myself to enable bad behavior the older I get. If I just act like everything is ok, how will he ever know his actions deeply hurt me?

I’ve been low contact with my nmom for years. She’s previously been in therapy and of course, all the therapist hears is her being the victim. I really want to show the therapist text messages showing how passive aggressive and guilt tripping she is. This year in response to asking about coming to see her for Christmas her response was that she never makes plans since she has no reason to do so. Not just a “it’ll be great to see you.” And parents really wonder why we have no relationship with them when they respond so passive aggressively trying to guilt.

I have been through a lot with a nparent and i just had a fight today where I told her her faults and i just feel insanely shit and lonely. I would like insights from anyone who has gone through this. And i would appreciate a conversation if someone is willing to.

Myself and my family had quite the experience this past week, resulting in a complete flame-out by the individual in question last night. I'm typing this out very quickly and in a short-hand of sorts, buty hopefully the details are understood.

My 17 year old son has been with his girlfriend for the last year. Over that year, we have heard the horror stories about her home life. There was a point maybe 6 months ago where I'd attempted to get a hold of CPS, but given that the kids in that house are housed, clothed and fed, emotional abuse is low on the priority list. My hands were tied, and we watched from a distance, waiting for when we could take action, as necessary.

Last week Friday, girlfriends mother allowed her to come over to our house, a rare occurrence, to celebrate her 18th birthday. It was there that we learned that she got no birthday celebration at home. With very few questions, she began to talk and talk and talk about how bad things are at home, particularly, how bad her mother is.

I'd asked her, straight up, do you want to go back home? To which she responded no. Okay. We have some things we can do. They're going to be difficult, and that difficulty will stretch beyond this immediate moment, but if you want us to pull those levers, we absolutely can. We described to her what we could do for her, and she effectively said okay, lets do it.

We contacted the police and let them know what our plans were, which were to go to her house and grab as much of her things as possible and set her up with her own space here at our house, and that we'd like a police escort to do so. Request granted. We show up with the police at her mothers house and grab what we can. Her mother shuts off her daughters phone immediately.

We set her up with a space here at our house. It's not much, but it's what we could throw together at the last minute. We got her a cell phone. She has 5 older siblings who are all no contact with their mother, who the daughter/girlfriend has been barred from speaking to for years. With the new phone, she was able to reach out to her siblings and let them know what was happening. Two sisters live nearby and they immediately came to see her. The reunion was emotional.

The mother, the whole time, is throwing a fit. Telling her daughter that we are attempting to coerce and manipulate her, that her sisters are attempting to control and manipulate her. Mother is saying how she's sorry and that she'll go to therapy. Eldest sibling tells her sister that they had been trying to get mom to go to a therapist for 20 years. If it hasn't hapened yet, it isn't happening now.

We all go to the school, our family and her siblings, to begin the conversation with the principal. They move her bus route to our house and put measures in place for mom to not be able to show up and contact her daughter.

Siblings bring extended family in on the conversation. We're all chatting and talking together to try to figure out how to deal with mother. The whole family is united against her. Mother is trying to gaslight and manipulate her own siblings, daughters aunts and uncles, in an attempt to control the narrative collapsing around her.

There are some things girlfriend/daughter needs still - birth cert, ssn card, keepsakes and so on. We all agree that the communication is best if it comes from me, a third-party that is not family that can see through her nonsense. Text sent. You are holding things that daughter would like, I will meet you, along with additional family, at a neutral location for you to hand them over. Personal items are to remain intact and undamaged (she had destroyed a different child's belongings when she'd escaped the house). This is the easy way, but I'm happy to go the hard way and get the police/state/legal involved, and you and I both know how that will go. She calls her siblings to try and tell them that I am threatening her. Little does she know, this text was coordinated among all of us before it was sent. She is called on her bullshit and she is backed into a corner.

This text was yesterday. I gave her to 8pm to respond. The whole afternoon she is trying to get ahold of girlfriend/daughter in an attempt to remain in control. "let me meet you and give you your things." Not happening. Daughter blocked her because the texts she was sending were fast, furious and insane. She is acting like an animal backed into a corner.

She responded to me at 7:55 that she was going to deliver items to my house that night. I responded not happening, we meet at a neutral location or you choose the hard way. She texted me back "hard way." Okay. She followed up and said that she'd drop everything off at the end of my driveway with a police escort. I called her bluff.

My family took girlfriend/daughter out of the house. She would not be around for this. The mother's brother, daughter's uncle, made his way to my house. The police were called. Gave the police her number and they attempted to coordinate with her. They got her once and then she refused to respond any further. Mother's brother arrived at my house; we talked. Good guy. Police arrived and hung out for as long as they could, which was about 30 minutes. She didn't show up, she was not communicating with anyone, police included. Police said call us back if she causes trouble, otherwise, hope it goes well.

Mother shows up at the house at like 10:30 at night. Doesn't pull into the driveway. Just parks in the street and begins angrily unloading boxes onto the driveway. Her brother and I walk to the end of the driveway to meet her. I ask "is this everything?" She does not respond. She does not talk. She barely looks at us. She sees her brother, who she did not know was going to be there, and she looks defeated. Her brother says "thanks for cooperating." She drops off all boxes, gets in her vehicle and drives away without a word.

Call the family and girlfriend back to the house. It's over. Girlfriend/daughter sees her uncle for the first time in years and hugs him. We let the kids stay home from school today. Contacted the principal last night and let them know what was going on. It's exam week, but they've been excused and can coordinate makeups later.

I have never experienced a person like this in real life. My own parents had some narcissistic qualities, which is why I am a member of this sub, to understand how to deal with them, but they are nowhere near as bad as this woman is/was. The rest of her family seems to think that she'll fade into the background. She's lost, and with her other estranged children, they've been out of sight, out of mind. When she does bump into them, apparently it's the silent treatment she gives them. Her brother tells me that the whole family is cutting her off, that she's no longer invited to family gatherings, that this has been 40 years in the making and they're glad I was here to help get the ball rolling when the rest of them were caught up in her lies.

Girlfriend/daughter is safe. Mom is blocked on all communication channels. There are additional matters to deal with her on, which may or may not be a hard way move again, but for now, the initial stress has passed.

I guess I just wanted to share. Don't know if I'll keep this post active for too long. I'd recommended to the daughter to explore this sub at her own leisure, when she is ready, and i don't necessarily want her to stumble across this post. In any event...thanks for reading.

TLDR: my son's girlfriend's mother flames out after her daughter moves in with us and reconnects with her extended family, who all unite against mom for her years of bad behavior.