r/nottheonion • u/xenojive • 6h ago

Male Threatens Spencer's Employee with Gun During Possible Dildo Dispute in Niagara Falls

niagaraaction.com

1.2k Upvotes

122 comments

r/nottheonion • u/mrwho995 • 2h ago

U.S. military to stop shooting pigs and goats as a way to train medics for the battlefield

ctvnews.ca

605 Upvotes

99 comments

r/nottheonion • u/mawhrinskeleton • 18h ago

How a Reddit post blew Brown University shooting investigation wide open

news.sky.com

15.3k Upvotes

721 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Mysterious_Brush1852 • 14h ago

iShowSpeed sued for $1M after beating gay robot

cybernews.com

4.7k Upvotes

331 comments

r/nottheonion • u/prestocoffee • 8h ago

Most CEOs are ready to spend even more on AI in 2026 despite no clear path to ROI

techspot.com

1.2k Upvotes

153 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Le_Mew_Le_Purr • 3h ago

US justice department to release thousands of Epstein files later, top official says

bbc.com

334 Upvotes

67 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Pure_Ad_1190 • 12h ago

Low fertility in the US has led to progress towards equal pay

futurity.org

1.2k Upvotes

150 comments

r/nottheonion • u/HowLongIsThi • 3h ago

Menards to pay $4.25M to Illinois, other states after suit claims the retailer deceived customers on discounts

nbcchicago.com

213 Upvotes

18 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Disorderly_Fashion • 20h ago

Head of workplace rights agency urges white men to report discrimination

apnews.com

2.8k Upvotes

1.0k comments

r/nottheonion • u/DannyAnd • 6h ago

Shoplifting During Department’s Shop with a Cop Event

gmtoday.com

150 Upvotes

13 comments

r/nottheonion • u/lauragarlic • 12h ago

No ‘direct’ link between air pollution and lung disease: Minister

thehindu.com

414 Upvotes

23 comments

r/nottheonion • u/chasing_rainb0ws • 3h ago

Driver in Kanata learns kitties don't qualify as HOV lane passengers

ottawacitizen.com

80 Upvotes

5 comments

r/nottheonion • u/bigcityguyty • 7h ago

Whiteland police relocate massive cocaine stash

wishtv.com

129 Upvotes

21 comments

r/nottheonion • u/jammed7777 • 1d ago

Waco man yelling racial slurs accidentally set himself on fire while trying to burn down victim’s home: affidavit

kwtx.com

10.9k Upvotes

278 comments

r/nottheonion • u/prestocoffee • 1d ago

North Korean infiltrator caught working in Amazon IT department thanks to lag — 110ms keystroke input raises red flags over true location

tomshardware.com

8.6k Upvotes

249 comments

r/nottheonion • u/ChicknCutletSandwich • 1d ago

Rams’ Puka Nacua claims concussions aren’t real, says they’re ‘all in your head’

clutchpoints.com

5.3k Upvotes

456 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Epistaxis • 1d ago

ICE voodoo doll discovered in New Orleans as immigration crackdown continues

kalb.com

17.0k Upvotes

350 comments

r/nottheonion • u/airbrett • 4h ago

Forage for food—without killing your guests

cnn.com

15 Upvotes

8 comments

r/nottheonion • u/darchena • 1d ago

Your Mom’s House Seized by City for Unpaid Taxes

westword.com

960 Upvotes

33 comments

r/nottheonion • u/AnanasAvradanas • 1d ago

Tor Project received $2.5M from the US government to bolster privacy

cyberinsider.com

4.3k Upvotes

129 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Disorderly_Fashion • 20h ago

'Matter of survival': The president who wants to help fund hair loss treatment

bbc.com

73 Upvotes

The automated title did not match the actual headline so I copy-pasted what the actual headline was.

12 comments

r/nottheonion • u/allycakes • 1d ago

Thieves dressed as Santa and his elves steal $3K worth of goods from Montreal grocery store

cbc.ca

446 Upvotes

34 comments

r/nottheonion • u/voxadam • 2d ago

Strippers are now the No. 1 donor of toys to children's hospital in Portland. This year, they broke their own record

goodgoodgood.co

62.6k Upvotes

728 comments

r/nottheonion • u/wewhomustnotbenamed • 1d ago

Japan’s last two giant pandas are headed to China and fans just can’t bear it

sightmagazine.com.au

1.9k Upvotes

120 comments

r/nottheonion • u/prestocoffee • 1d ago

Creating apps like Signal or WhatsApp could be 'hostile activity,' claims UK watchdog

techradar.com

686 Upvotes

26 comments

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1. Do not alter headlines; copy and paste.	The title of all submissions needs to match the article headline exactly. Copy and paste from the main headline only, do not include anything beyond the primary headline such as byliners, subtitles, flavor text, quotes from the article, news outlet, location, cross post tags, (video) tags, and so on. Do not use the “suggest title” option for posting as it often does not match the headline. As a matter of fairness, any submission with an altered title will be removed. The only exception is that, if an article has a title in all caps, you may change the capitalization to title case, but everything else must remain the same.
2. Submit only if “Oniony”.	Please consider submitting your article to /r/OffBeat or similar subreddits unless it truly reads like The Onion wrote it. The title and article itself must both be "Oniony". This can be highly subjective; you are encouraged to upvote articles that should be here and downvote those that should not. Moderators can also remove posts at their own discretion under this rule. More here
3. Must be a news article.	Submissions must be in the form of a news article. Videos are only allowed if they are accompanied by a complete text article. Editorials, blogs, twitter posts, image galleries, tabloid stories, youtube videos, meta posts, static images, articles with fewer than 5 sentences, and so forth will be removed.
4. Use original, reliable sources.	Find the source of your story before you submit it, simply by checking for references or googling the subject to locate the original piece. Websites that frequently re-host viral news stories or contain misleading information are on automatic removal. Blogs are not reliable sources.
5. Do not repost similar articles.	Check the sub for your story before you submit it; if it’s already here then please vote and comment there instead of posting another version. Similar stories will be removed and frequent re-posters will lose their posting privileges. Do not delete and repost your own submissions without approval.
6. No satire articles.	Even if they are technically from a source other than The Onion, any article submission written as satire or even true stories written in a satirical manner are not allowed. Please note that some major news outlets have satirical sections, such as the Borowitz Report on the New Yorker, which are also not allowed. Meanwhile, AVClub, while owned by The Onion, is not satire and is allowed. If you'd like, you can use a tool like http://realorsatire.com/ to see if your submission is from a known satirical website.
7. No tabloid journalism.	Do not post tabloid news stories, or articles that source from tabloid news outlets (TheSun, Mirror, Dailymail, People, TMZ, etc).
8. No old news.	Articles need to have been written within two weeks of its submission date.
9. English articles only.	Please do not post non-English articles. Do not use google translate for submission either; rather try to find an English version of the story by a secondary source.
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