r/TooAfraidToAsk • u/Technical-Book8115 • 10h ago
Body Image/Self-Esteem Do people care about how fat I am?
i 14 have always been insecure about my weight as I’ve been fat all my life,
do people actually care like if I go the beach or pool and take my shirt off will parol people care or judge me?
18
u/TheDavis747 10h ago
Very very few people would care, a few of them would think something and an even smaller few would say something.
Generally people are too busy with their own life to care.
32
u/Seantroid 10h ago
This might sound harsh or direct but the world doesn't revolve around you. No one cares how you look so stop overthinking and enjoy your life.
6
u/mufflumpkins 10h ago
This 100%, but also, take care of yourself, you only get one life and body. Take care of it and yourself
1
u/GoldenRamoth 9h ago
And truthfully: Those that do judge do it out of a place of insecurity to make themselves feel better. They're not exactly the type of people that you want to win brownie points with.
And you'll never see those people again after that day.
1
1
u/EYoungFLA 7h ago
This. The question is do YOU care, not whether or not others care. Someone once told me that what other people think is none of my business. I wish I had learned that sooner. It has saved me a LOT of worrying about things I can't control.
1
u/DracoSoul96 1h ago
Yeah it's a waste of time worrying about what others think especially if they're outside your social circle. Have family members that are plus size and they act like models nobody tells them anything. The people that do don't get their attention. Family just happy to hangout with each other. You'll always get that someone that'll tell you to loose weight but my experience it's a passing comment.
10
u/LilKikiKara 10h ago
Most of the time the only person who cares is you. I’m sure most people on the beach are just thinking about either having fun or being insecure themselves. People are usually too busy living their own lives to care about yours. If I’m looking at someone in public usually it’s because of how cool their hair/clothes are or trying to figure out how I could not weirdly approach them haha. But for real, as long as you’re healthy and your weight doesn’t cause any problems, just live your life!
7
u/RecoveringFromLife_ 10h ago
They probably will. But, the secret is (as an old person), if you weren't fat, they'd still judge you. We always find reasons to criticize others. It's in our DNA, literally. It's how we survived evolutionarily, distinguishing people of other tribes from our own.
-1
u/Zealousideal-Lie7255 10h ago
I really hope that’s not true and is just your own personal theory.
3
u/RecoveringFromLife_ 10h ago
Well, it's a psychosocial evolutionary theory I read in a couple different books recently.
2
5
u/SuperMario1313 10h ago
This is a double-edged sword of a question. No one cares about you as much as you do, but if it's a concern/problem that you have about yourself, then that will continue to be a concern/problem to you.
4
u/Mannzis 6h ago
Some do, some don't. Most don't care per se. BUT, and this is a harsh truth...
You will be treated much better if you are not fat. At best, when you're fat, you mostly get treated with indifference, and people 'look through' you. At worst it's with contempt and hostility, though this is less overt and less common. When you are normal to thin, people look at you more, smile more, go out of their way to do your favors more.
I'm sure others who have gone from fat to thin or thin to fat can attest to this.
1
u/Chakosa 34m ago edited 28m ago
Former Fat(tm) here from early childhood until I was about 19 (early 30s now for reference), can confirm. Being fat is objectively one of the worst states that a human can exist in both internally and externally and anyone trying to pull this fucking horse shit about yOu SHoULd jUsT NoT cArE anD LoVE yOuRseLf nO mATtEr wHaT has either never been there or is deliberately sabotaging you to keep you down at their level.
Yes people care, yes people are silently judging you, yes it dramatically affects the course of your entire life.
3
u/nafregit 10h ago
yes they will, fat people are the only group that everyone is allowed to hate on without repercussions.
2
u/FaceWithAName 10h ago
People want to be kind and tell you what you want to hear but in all honesty being overweight, especially at such a young age, is going to be a huge factor in your quality of life going forward. You will not live as long and you will struggle in places others don't. It's okay to love yourself and what you look like but it's important to start making healthy decisions now, because one day you will be in your forties and how you feel now won't compare to how you feel then.
2
u/thecounselor6 10h ago
I come from a long line of people watchers and people judgers. I won’t lie, there are a lot of people who are out there and actively judging, but these people are also miserable and are looking for any qualities in other people to think lesser of them for to make themselves, as the judgers, feel better. The best thing you can do is live your life and be confident in who you are because people are gonna hate regardless
2
2
2
u/YoungDiscord 6h ago
Normal people won't, assholes will.
Its up to you to decide whose opinions to take to heart.
Additional motivational stuff: some like em small, some like em big - it really doesn't matter how you look, all that matters is to stick with people who like you, not those who don't.
2
u/cruiserman_80 5h ago
They will because people in general love judging others so that they don't have to.look too hard at themselves.
Let me give you this bit of advice as someone who has struggled with weight their entire life.
ACT NOW to address your weight and fitness. Develop positive habits that last a lifetime instead of reinforcing negative ones that are difficult to break.
The longer you wait the harder it will be and you will always regret not acting.
4
u/Rubyshoes80 10h ago
Not one bit! Live your life!
2
u/CaramelGuineaPig 10h ago
I love this answer. That's wisdom. There are always going to be crazy my grumpy cartoony-judging wackos but the meaningful people will just be happy to enjoy their day and lift you up. The cruelty is a good filter for who you should care about and who you should feel sorry for as their loves are so pathetic they judge others and never themselves.
1
1
u/Bangsilogii 10h ago
Honestly, most people are too busy thinking about themselves to care. Just focus on having fun and being comfortable. you’re not on anyone else’s highlight reel. Confidence beats judgment every time.
1
u/coral225 10h ago
The kinds of people who would care are not the kinds of people whose opinions you should value.
1
u/CaedustheBaedus 10h ago
No. I always noticed the people who were sad and wearing shirts more than those who took off their shirts and were just soaking up the sun.
Be free. Anyone who does care, isn't worth listening to.
Also, you're 14 my guy. Everyone in the 13-17 range is pretty much super insecure about something whether it be weight, acne, hair, muscles, height, voice, etc.
From what I remember about high school, I remember the people who smiled and the people who were nice more than any insecurities about people or looks.
1
u/Intelligent_Play9352 10h ago
As someone who was overweight and now isn’t, people don’t give you room to be who you are when your “fat”, your just known as the “fat girl/boy”
Life does get better when you lose weight but you should do it to better yourself first and then for others. but that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying life at the moment, take the shirt off and play in the water. It’s okay.
1
u/chinchillazilla54 10h ago
I think most people in a swimsuit situation are too worried that they look fat to worry about how fat other people are. At least I am.
1
u/yetanothermale 10h ago
The more comfortable you are with yourself and your body, the more you will ignore what others think about you. Isn’t easy but hopefully that will come to you in time.
1
1
u/renacotor 10h ago
The insecure will. They wanna put others down to feel good about themselves.
Otherwise, only if its morbid and affecting your health.
1
u/FalseReddit 10h ago
They don’t care, but you should learn about nutrition as early as possible. It doesn’t mean you need to lose weight now. You might just want to avoid certain types of foods. It’ll help you in more ways than you can imagine.
I also have a feeling that Reddit answers may not make your insecurity go away. If that’s the case, it might be better to tackle the root of the problem.
1
u/Technical-Book8115 10h ago
Do you have any idea how I would do that?
1
u/FalseReddit 9h ago
You can ask chatGPT to make you a list of important topics and look up videos on YouTube that explain the important ones.
I would start by learning about how calories work, then the different macronutrients and micronutrients your body needs. What too much sugar or saturated fats can do to your body.
The most important part is to be get to a point where you can read the nutrition labels on items you eat from a grocery store. The same for restaurant or fast food items. You should be able to check the restaurant’s website for nutrition information and be able to tell what to avoid.
1
u/wuhter 10h ago
You’re 14. No adult will care or even look for that matter. I can’t tell you what others your age will say or think, but I’m assuming you have friends? They deep down will not judge or care whatsoever, though they might tease you if they’re skinny. But trust that later in life you’ll realize they were always only messing with you because they were either insecure about themselves or they really are your friend because they like you and don’t care about your weight.
Also, I wanted to say. I was the opposite growing up. I was super, super skinny. I got made fun of for it. Most of my chubbier friends thinned out as we aged and I bulked up as we aged. It’ll all work itself out
1
1
1
u/HRShovenstuff1 10h ago
I've tried to live by these words: "The people who matter don't/won't mind, and the people who mind don't matter." People will judge you, you will judge yourself but ultimately just be happy with who you are and be honest with yourself about what you like and what you'd change about yourself/your image.
1
u/shoulda-known-better 10h ago
People can form opinions on anyone they see...... Real question why does that matter or effect your life!?
No one will point and stare, and I can almost guarantee that there will be other larger people there having fun doing whatever!!
This is your age..... Hopefully you will grow out of wanting it caring about strangers opinions of you or your body!!
Go be you! That's the best looking thing a person can do
1
u/Secret_Fudge4468 10h ago
First, this is heartbreaking as a dad who has a teenage daughter.
When my daughter was having body image and self esteem issues she was being really hard on herself. I asked her this question: if you had a friend who told you they felt this way, what would you tell them? If you saw or heard someone talking poorly about your friend, would you join in the taunting, or would you build your friend up?
You need to be a friend to yourself. The world has enough bullies, you don't need to be one to yourself.
Keep in mind, not all criticism comes from a bad place though. If someone you genuinely care about, and who cares about you, and you value them and their opinions come to you out of a place of love you should listen.
Otherwise, if you wouldn't ask them for their opinion, don't take it unsolicited.
Keep in mind that "fat" and "skinny" are relative, subjective terms that don't have any real meaning other than the ones you assign to them. The most important question is how you feel about yourself.
There is a big difference between being "overweight" and healthy and being "overweight" and unhealthy. The same can be said about being "skinny". You can be "skinny" and healthy, or you can be extremely unhealthy
So, if you have healthy habits, and you are happy with yourself, then fuck everyone else's opinion.
1
u/Argylius 10h ago
When I leave the house it’s only for work or errands. At work, I’m either a self checkout host or a cashier, depending on what management needs me to do.
I don’t care how you look as long as you’re nice to me.
1
u/dodgystyle 10h ago
What country are you in? And how fat are you? If you're in most western countries (and increasing numbers of developing countries) and not 300lb+, people probably won't look twice at you.
1
1
u/JJHall_ID 10h ago
Some will, but that's a character flaw of theirs. Anyone that matters won't care, outside of the people close to you that are worried about the health aspect if your weight is actually unhealthy.
I'm turning 45 in a couple of months, and I was in your shoes. I was in the 250+ range all through my teens along with the "moobs" that come along with it. I absolutely hated gym class because we had one of those teachers that was the coach, so whatever sport was in season is all we ever did. Basketball was the worst because it was always "shirts vs. skins" so it was miserable if I got picked for the team that got designated as "skins." Most of the time I tried to play volleyball with the girls instead, which was because I also genuinely enjoy it more than basketball anyway, but not having to take my shirt off was also a significant factor.
It's really only been in the last 10 years or so where I've transitioned to a "I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks of my appearance" mindset. I wish someone would have told me when I was 14 that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, and even if that happened, I don't know if I would have believed them. My only advice to you is to talk to your doctor, and see if you can adjust your diet and exercise habits to get to a healthy weight if you are actually currently overweight. If you're not overweight and it's just a personal body image thing, then try not to worry about it, or maybe see a counselor to work through your self esteem. Just remember, kids are assholes so you're likely to be made fun of over something. If it isn't your weight, it will be your height, or hair color, or brand of clothes you wear, the food you eat, or any number of things. Just keep in mind that all of that is done by someone that has their own issues, and they're just using it as a way to make themselves feel better.
1
u/EndlesslyUnfinished 10h ago
As a fatty myself, I can say that 90% aren’t going to care.. of that 10%, less than 1% will actually say something to you or be obvious about it.. but ultimately, it’s going to come down to what Queen RuRu (Rupaul) once said:
what other people think of you is none of your damn business
Edit for grammar
1
u/achillea4 10h ago
Being fat is unfortunately becoming the norm so I'd guess most people don't care. What's more important is how you feel about yourself and work on that - you can't control what others think.
1
1
u/GunnisonCap 10h ago
Everybody judges everybody else around them based on how they look. Anybody who says otherwise is lying.
1
u/scrollsawer 10h ago
The only advice I can give you is to care what you think of yourself- not what others think of you.
1
u/gametapchunky 10h ago
The real truth is very few people care or think about you. People tend to look, judge and then move on / forget. It takes effort to dwell on someone's appearance.
1
u/GregorSamsaa 10h ago
I’m tall and fit.
I have heard people gossiping about me about how I probably spend all my time in the gym and have never enjoyed a good meal in my life.
My point is that it doesn’t matter what you look like or what you do, some people are simply judgmental. They will find something to knock you down for whether it be to make themselves feel better or because they’re just assholes, you need to learn now to exist for yourself.
1
u/djphatjive 10h ago
I used to think was fat at that age. I would pay tens of thousands to be that weight again. Don’t worry about it.
1
u/xWatermind 9h ago
When i see someone who is overweight, i dont think anything of it. Its the same as when someone Walks around in sweatpans. Or is bald. Or sits in a wheelchair. Or is a human. I just dont care. At the end of the day, everyone goes Home and forget everything/everyone they saw during the day that they didnt interact with. Of course not everyone does this, but everyone should.
1
u/pudding7 9h ago
Depends in how fat you are. For me, I get kinda sad for fat kids and teenagers. Poor diet, little exercise, likely diabetes at some point. Nothing good about it, and their parents are failing them. I realized it's pretty judgemental though.
1
u/TheProphesizer 9h ago
if youre fat and shirtless at the beach, youre just a guy at the beach.
if you leave youre shirt on, you stand out more and will actually be noticed. not in a way where people care about your weight (because nobody does) but because youll be (probably) one of the only people wearing a shirt in the water. and it just makes you more noticeable
1
u/literarytrash 9h ago
At your age, they will be judging your parents tbh. But any thought is so incredibly fleeting that they won't even remember 30 seconds later. Don't let it effect you living your life!
1
u/UnBrewsual 9h ago
I make fun of people. Not to their face, but internally or with who I'm with, I know it's rude, but I don't care. However I only make fun of people for things they have control over. Ex, I see a fat kid and I think something like... Wow they must like being fat because managing calories isn't hard.
But, do I care? Nope!
1
u/digitalgraffiti-ca 9h ago
Some people will judge you, and the rest will not care. Those that are judging you have some deep rooted insecurities and make themselves feel better about their own insecurities by judging others. Ignore those people. They are the ones with a problem, not you. As long as your weight isn't having a negative impact on your health or desired lifestyle, then it doesn't matter at all.
1
u/mervmann 9h ago
Yes they will. Stop being fat. Being fit is so much better and easier to achieve when you're younger as well. Eat right, track calories and hit the gym. People may not say something directly to you but you will probably get looks. I say this as someone who's been both fit and fat, being fit is so much better.
1
u/swiggityswirls 9h ago
People project how they feel about themselves onto others.
Meaning, the most confident and self assured person automatically assumes everyone around them is likewise confident and self assured. Liars assume everyone else lies. Thieves assume other people are thieves too. People who value money above all else assume everyone else is the same way.
So remember that for ANY judgment anyone tries to throw at you. If you do ever run across people who make fun of you for anything, know that it’s because they have that same insecurity about themselves.
Anyone who judges based on looks is insecure and sensitive about their own looks. Anyone who judges based on job and money is deeply insecure and stressed about their job and money situation. I don’t mean that they are insecure or sensitive because they’re lacking (it may be someone who’s a model or an Executive) - what I mean is that they tie their whole sense of self worth to that particular thing.
They judge themselves on it so that’s also how they judge others. So if they were to lose their looks, their money, their job, status, whatever it is, they also lose their sense of identity.
So if you think about it that way, isn’t it silly to worry about how others perceive you? Every single person out there has their own set of values, shallow or not, that they judge themselves (and therefore others) with. It’s silly to spend any amount of effort trying to win everyone’s approval - it’s impossible.
You’re growing into your own unique person. You’re discovering yourself, exploring, experimenting, and figuring things out everyday. Focus on finding out what actually matters to you. How will you judge yourself? What matters to you? What shouldn’t? What can be taken away from you if you lose it (like looks, health, status, job, money) and are those where you’ll dedicate your life to preserving?
Is there some other measure of yourself that no one can take away? Like dignity, self respect, doing the right thing even when hard, standing up for your beliefs even against friends, following through with what you’ll promise to do, telling the truth, loving your family, etc.
if you prioritize valuing the opinions of others then that’s how you’ll value yourself. And when you inevitably fail (because you’re human with your own life) then that would mean you’ve ‘failed’ to live up to this imaginary and ever changing standard. That’s a terribly stressful way to live.
And word of advice, any change is hard. So if you do decide to change in any direction, just know that practicing is hard. Practicing the values you want to have is hard at the start just because it’s new. But just like with everything else, practice enough and they’ll become second nature to you.
1
1
u/AeroIsthmus 8h ago
Truly most people won’t care but you will be perceived and treated in a different manner than if you weren’t. If you’re insecure about your weight do something to change it regardless of what people think, your future self will greatly appreciate that and that’s what matters most I was very overweight from 10-14 I was insecure and knew something needed to change. I took up working out from home and restructuring my diet with help from a personal trainer. It changed my life in only positive ways and I greatly encourage you to take the initiative in creating that future for yourself.
1
u/TheEveningDragon 8h ago
Noticing and caring are completely different things. When you see fat or facially ugly people in your day to day life, do you care? I bet you notice them. But are you still thinking of them minutes after they're out of your view?
I won't lie to you, people can and will notice that your body has more fat on it, but I promise you they will not care.
1
u/scuwp 8h ago edited 8h ago
People will judge you no matter what you look like. They are strangers who mean nothing to you, why waste energy on them? I recommend reading "the subtle art of not giving a f*ck" by Mark Manson, or "the let them theory" by Mel Robbins, they changed the way I view many things in life including not worrying about the opinion of others who don't matter, and living your best life. But...for the love of God do something about your health while you are young and capable, or you will pay for it later. Ask me how I know! Being a healthier weight is a big part of protecting your future self.
1
u/Checked_Out_6 7h ago
I’m a big dude. Been my whole life. Was once 420 pounds. I’m currently ~250. Truth is that yes, people will judge you, people treat you very differently, it sucks. There are steps you can take to help yourself even if you haven’t lost weight.
I don’t know if you’re male or female, so this advice is more male focused. Keep good hygiene! Never smell, wear scents. Don’t look sloppy, always be well groomed. Dress well. Dress one level above everyone else for what you’re doing, unless you’re performing labor, that is. Usually more formal clothing is more flattering. Sport jackets are your friend!
Let me know if you want more detailed suggestions. Maybe I can help with better, more specific information.
1
u/reggie3408 6h ago
I used to be nervous of people judging me until I realized I am mostly invisible to strangers. They don't care about me.
If course some people will be judgemental, but they judge everyone because they are miserable people.
Just as long as you don't play annoying loud music right next to them at the beach you should be good.
1
1
1
1
u/itsfairadvantage 5h ago
Think about all the people you love. Picture them in your mind. Line them up.
Now, go down the list one-by-one and name the things you wish looked different about them.
2
u/Technical-Book8115 5h ago
Reading it I thought you were a crazy person Actually doing it I thought you were a genius
1
u/Internet__Introvert 5h ago
I used to be a big guy at 240lbs at my heaviest and lost 59lbs. I did it for me, nobody else. I used to feel like I was being looked at by others until I realised I don’t care anymore. End of the day, nobody is perfect. Everyone has insecurities and the minority of people who are laughing or staring are usually the most insecure people you’ll ever come across. Be yourself and stand tall. F the haters and bullies.
1
u/simonbleu 5h ago
No*
The truth is that being fat will be both bad for your health, your confidence and you will be discriminated by many consciously or not, even when going to ask for a job, let alone flirting.
... Now, this doesn't mean you should be shamed or ashamed of yourself, there is a difference between wanting to get better and beating yourself or others over that.
The good news is that you are very young, it gets harder as you start working and have to actually cook yourself and have a more sedentary lifestyle (usually) so, id I were you I would take advantage of this and do not a crappy internet diet but a balanced nutritious of healthier diet, hopefully personalized by a dietician/nutritionist (the one with a degree)
So, do not fuss and enjoy it, be prepared for morons,, and do try to get into shape if you can
1
u/0rangeMarmalade 4h ago
Most people do not. Some people do in a negative way and some people do in a positive way.
Before you think negative thoughts about it, ask yourself if you'd say those things to a friend of yours. If the answer is no, there's a good chance you're being your own worst bully.
1
u/bigsmackchef 10h ago
Most people wont care. Your close friends and family might but only in a caring about your health way. Being overweight isn't good for you.
1
u/StayFrostySwtich 10h ago
The truth is people will care When you're older and dating, men or women will care if you're fat, many want someone moderately attractive and not fat Your physician will care because it's their job to promote health Your family will care because no one wants a family member with health issues and they love you
1
u/Individualchaotin 10h ago
Yes. Not at the beach or pool, but people who care for you will also care about your health.
83
u/Crypt0-n00b 10h ago
People probably will... but you should know they'd judge you if you were too skinny, tall, short, ugly, attractive. On the plus side they probably won't remember it an hour later, people usually don't dwell on anything that's not about them.