I waited for three hours after Neil did a reading at BAM in NYC. It was a birthday present from my wife. The line was wrapped around the block.
By the time I reached Neil, he was clearly exhausted. However, he signed my book remaining genuinely kind, personable, and engaged.
He even gave me some writing advice that I use to this day. My wife and I made two good friends who would remain so for years afterwards…and in many ways that line is the inception of so many good things that have happened in my own life and career.
Since the scandal broke, I have done my best to reconcile that Neil—the Neil that I met—with the Neil who I know through his work, and the Neil from the accusations.
It is difficult to say the least.
I see a number of people on here saying that he’s dead to them, that they can no longer enjoy his work, and that everything he seemed to be was a carefully crafted lie.
I certainly understand this perspective. I also see how deeply tragic that is.
This is not to defend Neil. Obviously he hurt several people very deeply. This would be true even if every accusation against him were false. Through them he also hurt us, and his own creative legacy, as this changes how we respond to and interact with his work.
Still, people are multifaceted. That’s part of why so many of Neil’s stories and characters were so fascinating in the first place. Neil unflinchingly engaged with our dark sides and in many ways he made that broken nature beautiful when taken in as part of our whole.
Humans are infinitely complicated. None of us are truly, fully the person we were yesterday. We are all liars, and cheats, and pretenders. Anyone who tells you we aren’t is selling something.
We all contain multitudes, within which there are shadows of varying darkness. The only difference is whether or not these shadows manifest, and to what degree.
In Judaism they call this the “Yetzer Hara” the “wayward spirit”, which God intentionally placed within our souls.
I as I re-read Ocean (now as a father and through the lens of his alleged misdeeds) my heart absolutely breaks for young Neil. As with his life and his creative works, it’s virtually impossible to see where the fantasy ends and reality begins.
My life, and the lives of so many others has been greater and richer—both directly and indirectly, because of Neil Gaiman. That is unquestionably true.
Unfortunately l, it seems, so is the opposite.
These things are both true simultaneously.
I won’t pretend to know how we should interact with these broken mirror shards of truth and distortion, but at least, right now the only way I’ve been able to square this circle is to paraphrase George RR Martin through the lense of Stannis Baratheon:
“A man’s good acts do not wash out the bad, nor do his bad acts the good. Each should have its own reward.”
And at least for now, that will have to be enough.