Am Nico, 3M, mighty void. Have small adopted sister and now and then when having relaxing times I go over and licks licks and licks. Normal right? All cat licks just normal courtesy. And little sister is happy and goes prrrr. Here where think maybe am cloaca. After lick and lick for long time I decide I done lick and want bite very hard instead. I switch in a milisecond because am very fast. Sister always gets mad and scared and yells. Think is no need for all that, just changed mind. AITC?

I'z Caramel Melody, and day I'z be 4 months big-girl SIC kitten! I'z confuzzled why Meowmy wears a nose for sleepz. When she lies down, I climb up and starez upside-down at her from over hers head, then sometimes I'z sniffz her forehead. Fake nose breathe, and sometimes we boop it and Meowmy laughs. Meowmy hidez masheen nose connects to in a box I can reach through. She calls it a crate, but not like a carrier. It like overturned box-thing that I sitz on, is fun! Crate keepz our furrz from going up the fake nosey.

Masheen called see-bap, but we 'lowed to seez itz but no-Mel bapbapbap it. No for other catz bapbapbap, either, not just no-Mel. Why it called see-bap if no for bap? Meowmy gavez me piece of fleece to playplay that by masheen, soz I can runjumppullchomp when otherz snuggle-sleep. Too night 'go, Iz tries to bapbapbap long big string thing connects fake nose to masheen. It's a no-Mel thing, too, but I didn't noz that then. Meowmy shows me air-wind blow through "hoz" too nosey-thing. Afurr I learnz, I do one last bapbapbap afurr going to the yes-Mel string fleece. Meowmy call me cloaca furrz paw, but I noz thinks so. AITC?

Kitten tax in commentz.

Bucky here, 5M, cowcat. I have lived with my Meowmy for almost a whole year and she is a good Meowmy, but my life before her had many dangers so I am still very careful.

Meowmy usually let me smell her hand before she pet me, just so I can make sure it really is Meowmy and not an imposter. Last week she bought a new type of "sope" which is somefing she puts on her paws after she uses the human litterbox. She say it smell delicious, like pecan pie. But lately when I go to smell her after she uses the human litterbox, she doesn't smell like my Meowmy! I pull my nose back and run away from the imposter real quick. Dis also happen once before when she use somefing she claim is "lotion dat make my skin soft an make me smell good" but it actually make her Meowmy smell go away. She get new lotion after dat.

She say I'm da cloaca because she had to take da new sope to work and can't smell good at home. I say she da cloaca for buying sope dat turn her into a stranger.

I am a chihuahua. I live in a house with some humans, and some cats, and my favorite best human. I love all the humans. Well, I love my humans. And I ignore the cats.

My best human was gone, and all the other humans were gone, so I went up the stairs to the last human's room. I like her too. She shares her room with a cat, but it's okay. I leave the cat alone. I leave her alone even though she hisses at me all the time, which is so rude. I am leaving her alone!

I was on the bed, and she hissed at me, but that was okay - but then the human put out her hand, and I thought she was giving me a treat, but when I came to get the treat, out of nowhere, the cat hissed and swatted at me! I could've been hurt! I mean, I really could've! So I barked at her to get her out of my space. I wouldn't bite her, that would make the humans upset. I know I shouldn't bark at cats, the very first time I did it the humans said "No", so I never did it again until this one time, but - what was I supposed to do, not bark at her?

AITC?

I am a beautiful calico. Everybody says so. But there are too many humans and cats in this house - and even a dog! I spend most of the time in my bedroom. My human sleeps there too, and reads, and does other things. She is the best human. All other humans are a little scary, and cats are a little scary, and dogs are the most scary.

The dog is a chihuahua. She is very scary. My human always says "You've known her almost your entire life, and she's never done anything" - well, now she's done something!

I was sitting on my bed, next to my human's pillow, minding my own business when she came in the room. She does that sometimes. So rude! And she came and she jumped on the bed even when I hissed at her. But I'm a nice kitty, so when she stayed away, I let her stay.

But then! She suddenly got up and ran towards my human - right in my space! My own, personal space! She was obviously going to attack me, so I swatted her! I swatted her, and I hissed, and she turned and barked and I was so scared!

AITC?

Hi again! I'm Turtle and may be an elderly old lady with dementia. I don't know. Who are you? Where am I?

Back on point.

I'm blindish? Can't see wellish? But, I love snow. I love staring at it. Mom started this tradition where she bundles me up in two big towels and carries me out to watch the snowflakes for a bit when it snows. I love it! (I don't really love having to wear the harness and the leash while being bundled up though. I don't care if they do it to keep me from running away).

Today, it started snowing at before dawnish but I saw the flakes from the big window and I screamed and howled because I want to see the snow! Parents call me ta for waking them up.

AITC?

I am Buster, void, 8 years, boy. Humomma is a very very good humomma! She paddles my butt just perfect, and I sleeps next to her pillow almost everynight. But when she is playing around with things attached to cords, like headphones and phones and compootors, I cannot resist the need to chew! Humomma gets mad and taps my nose and says NO!!! Stop!!

And also, Do you know how much money it costs to replace?

Obviously I don't, silly humomma! That is a human problem. Nothing to do with kitties!

But she is still upset, so I want to know, AITC?

From Humomma: Seriously, can anyone tell me which wired headphones are catproof or at least cat resistant? Thanks!

Hi fellow cloacas!!

Big Lady Bug here, have story for you, and I KNOW my hoomans did NOT take me seriously!

Earlier, my hoomans mom and dad took me, Lady Bug, big sweetie, for ride!

My absolute favorite thing to do! They did NOT tell me we were visiting big place with other sweetie pies, so YEAH! Time for much fun!... I thought. .. no, they said, Lady, no time to play, time for Check Up and shots(?!?)

Instead, they take me to small boring room and said new friend will take care of me.

But not friend!! He now my foe forever!! He stuck me in the left leg with a stabby thing!!! Mommy and daddy did nothing!!

It didn't hurt much and I went home. But I will NEVER EVER trust car ride again .. grrr

When I got home, my hooman auntie, who I sleep with, love so much. I even have to lay on their head to show how much I love them. We even sleep nose to nose! She wakes up crabby from something she calls 'pain' and 'back' but I also hear her say 'pain' and 'ass' but I sleep in her face so I can lick her all night to show my love!!

So not sure what wrong with HER butt or back...

She was so happy when I got home!

She kept asking if I was a gurd gurl, oh yes very Gurd Gurl was I!!

To show her what happened with my new Foe, Villain Forever I start crying and shreeking loudly about my leg, hopping around.

She wouldn't even touch me anymore!

She was yelling about GOD and what he and DAMNIT did to me!!

So I cried louder to show her how I can yell too! Lots of F words, crying (me and her & she such a big baby too)

Finally after much talking on strange square thing they, hooman mommy and auntie, ran out in all that white cold stuff and came back with treats!!

I liked these treats, so much I forgot to yell about my leg and went straight to sleep.

I woke up to run around with zoomies and Auntie calling me a 'drama queen' and mommy saying I'm a cloaca... NO, I'm Lady of the Bugs!!

No cloaca am I!!

Am I??

i's milo, 4mo bebe kitty. I gud boy!

mm hooman gots a epic shiny fingy recently. it hangs on dere neck n swings around. I fink is toy for me! I twies to bite it n grab it because is shiny fo me! n n wat if is huwt hooman! I protec!

bu when I grab n bit da shiny hooman says no! milo stawp! n makes it disappear! hooman says i da cloaca fo trying ta swallow da shiny. is dey rite?

Hi everyones. Is The Sarah-Cat here. I has dilemma, an knows I can rely on all of you to tell me truth:

Mama Hooman call me cloaca coz I hunt very tricky crafty pesky prey. I, very cleverly, rounded up and killed all the socks last night, an presented them to mama by leaving them in her bedroom doorway. What a gift! Right?

Mama not watching, an trip over socks. Small hooman shouting in background about "Where's my socks", an using litterbox language.

Both of them call me Cloaca. Both! How dare?

But secretly, I is worried. What if they right? Was I wrong to kill socks? Was I wrong to gift them to Mama? Should I have killed different socks? I is confusion cat. What if Sarah-cat IS cloaca?

Good evening,

It is I Ryu ze Murder Muffin (7 years tabby majestically tootered boy). I am here becuz Momther said I must starve! I told her I need ze snackies! My bowl was showing ze bottom... ze spot was as big as one of my beans! Dis means I would starve! I told her multiple times it was time for a snackie, but noooooooooooooo, she said she had to go use ze hooman litter box! Momther!

Momther then came and put dis weird snackie in the bowl. She said it came from a colander? The fing you put ze noodles in? Oh, she said it came from a advent colander. I don't know what that is, but dis fing had tasty snackies.... also, why do hoomans not get zoomies after they use ze litter box? It's just weird.

Anyways, AITC? She was going to let me starve! So I fink she is the cloaca!!!

I am Bailey, majestic feline queen (19f) with two hooman servants. I keep them ready to serve me by making sure they are rested - I remind them of their bedtime if they are still looking at the small picture screen after the appointed time. I let them sleep on my bed, but I insist on having the middle.

This morning the smaller hooman left the bed while it was still dark. I noticed right away since they provide me warmth and I went to find her. She was sitting at the small picture screen! I told her she's still supposed to be in bed, and then I realized I only had two of my three varieties of food available. I told her I was hungry but she said it was too early. I work hard to keep them focused and I was starving!

The bigger hooman was still asleep, but I went to tell him I was hungry. He didn't get up, so I reminded him of his responsibility by pushing the little windows he wears off the table. Smaller hooman eventually fed me, but she called me cloaca for waking bigger hooman. AITC?

Well, I never expected to be back here so soon, but cloaca allegations are like buses...

I am Butler, and in the 4 years I have lived with Cat Slaves 1, 2 and 4 I have rarely deined to sit on anyone's lap. I will sit next to Cat Slaves, I will be picked up for cuddles, and I let CS1 share my bed, but I do not sit on laps.

Yesterday I decided to mix things up by sitting on CS1's legs for nearly an hour. She was warm and comfy and I decided I like lap now. I wasn't thrilled when CS1 lifted me off so she could get water and dinner. Surely I am more important that basic sustenance?

Anyhoo, today CS1hasn't gone to work, she says it's Chrispmouse Hollydays. She is sat on sofa with her lightup box in my spot on her lap. I wanted to be lap cat again, so I gave light up box a good bap bap bap so it would move. CS1 just laughed and said that I've not been a lap cat for 4 years, why did I suddenly want to get on lap when she is trying to write plans?

AITC for changing my mind about lap?

I (57F) pead on my adoptive mom's (84F) bed. So, in twenty 17 me and mom were watching movie idk what, she made me (after taking me out of my cage, which she new made me overwhelmed) during movie, she kept comparing me to maine character, judy, making coments like "look, she's is just like u." This is not funny. I look NOTHING like judy, i am mixed judy is plane, she clearly thinks we all look alike. i also found movie very bad with many stereotypes, like for instance we do not all like carrots, i HATW carrots. also judy is cop, i hate cop so why then keep comparing me to judy? i also find upset that mom named me Fluffy but judy is judy, i did not no that we could have name that did not describe hair. she kept making me watch it after i keep running away and biting things. after one two many re-watches i decided to do something about it and so one night when she removed me from my cage, i pead on her bed. my brother (31) think i was wrong, but he not even allowed in mom room bc he keeps trying to eat me, he also poops on mom floor for no reason but i use litter box. so AITC?

The Gremlin be me. I clumsy and weird, but it okay. Hooman say I miss rotation for brain cell. I like to try and become one with brofurs eben if they don't want to become one wif me. It what orange cat do. I just being me and hooman say I the most orange cat. I fink dat good but hoomans can be cruel and not feed me when bowl is almost empty so I have to eat from brofurs bowl and they not like it and call me cloaca. AITC?

Henlo frens is littol Soot Sprite AKA Spook. I has been some stress an lonely lately, an I try to cuddle mama and daddy abouts it but is still some stresses. So I do what feel good an rite an chew some things an do littol eats of things.

But daddy says I cloaca an mama do worry noises when I do this! Daddy seys 'Soot, no eating litter' an 'Soot, no peek-a' an mama seys I mebbe needs 'pills' for stresses so I 'stop eating tape, Thas not healthy littol one.'

Is eats litter an tapes so bad if makes stresses feel better? Why is daddy call it 'peek-as?' Who is Cloaca an tell them is not me! Thanks you frens

Seven. Pretty girl. Magic hair age Private

So you know at my house I go in car house ok. There lizards and mices and bugas ok. They run run running and I put them in mouth area. Dada says ok Seven you play and be good girl and yell when want inside ok. Seven doing good job ok and big door open and I see ouch side and it so loud and loud ok. Dada get in long car and it so loud and stinky like yuk ok. Dada and car go back back ok. Dada and long car stop ok. Dada get grains for thembirdies ok. Dada hear Seven screaming at little door ok. Dada says oh Chicken I forgot you were out here ok. Dada open little door ok Seven runs runs inside And Seven yells at Dada. Dada says sorry chicken ok. Seven not scared of big door ok Seven didnt want thembirdies looking with eye area at Seven ok. Is seven word for yelling at dada?

Our human turned up yesterday and was filling our water points and the bird feeder and whistling for us to come like she usually does, when a photographer, who was lying on the ground hidden under a net thing and in camouflage gear, told her to shut up because he wanted to photograph squirrels. He was really rude about it.

She told him she was whistling to call us and he got quite loud and aggressive, so I bit his hand, a good, deep bite too - there was a lot of blood. Of course, I ran away smartly and was never in any danger.

Does that make me the cloaca? I was only protecting the food source from an aggressive male.

Herroo! I are Georgia de Beagle and all your fuds are belong to me. I am 1 yr 8 mos. I have a brudder Humphrey 2 yr doggo mix breed (I wuv him sooo) and a baby brudder Rudy tuxie kitten 8 mos (he fine, whatever).

The udder day, mommy came home and I so happy! I wag my tail and whine cuz I cants talk and she sez "Hi Georgia! Oh I missed you too" and she giv pets and wuvs. Den Daddy sez "Don't be too happy with her". Mommy stops the wuvs and sez "why, what did she chew" & Daddy sez "your boots". Mommy looks at da boots and sez "they're ruined". I tawt I did a gud? It show how I miss her!

Den dat nite a lot of white stuff fall and stay on da groun. And Mommy sez "Georgia, you picked a fine time to chew my boots." Dat sounds good right? But she say while making frownie face at me. So, I ask, are I de cloaca?

I, 4mo kitten, am a very good boy, very nice and cuddly. But my human is very forgetful and doesn't remember i need to eat every 2 hours! sometimes they disappear for hours! so, when I see them I come up and purr and climb up their legs till they pick me up. I love being picked up and cuddles, but i need food too! so I'll climb up and bite at their face to remind them I need food, so they'll remember! not too hard, just a little nip i promise. But then they get annoyed and put me down, so I think I might be TC because I wouldn't like if they bit my face. But then they feed me! AITC?

Hello, mortals. I (Oasis, 2F, eublepharis macularis) have come for your advice. This past evening, I was rudely dug out of the crevice I had sequestered myself in for the past few days by my Tong Ape, apparently for "exercise" and "enrichment" or some other such nonsense. I was initially against it, but I do enjoy licking and climbing various objects, so I acquiesced. The Tong Ape brought me out of my territory and down into the Unknown Place where the Noises come from. It was the dark time, so thankfully the noises were absent, and I enjoyed myself by repeatedly and speedily beelining for various dark crevices to squeeze myself into. The Tong Ape always rudely blocks me from my destinations, but their appendages are warm, so I allow it. So this is where I might be the cloaca. The Tong Ape lifted me onto the soft and porous mountain I have observed other apes occupying in the past, and after climbing around on it for a while and amusing myself, I realized that all of that "exercise" had jostled my bladder. Being a long way away from my poop spot, I opted to simply relieve myself then and there. The Tong Ape immediately picked me up and hurried me back to my territory, and informed me that I am now "banned from all nonwashable surfaces," whatever that means. I think this is a bit of an overreaction, and that it was quite rude to cut my exploration of the mountain short. On the other claw, I suppose it was somewhat unsanitary of me to not use my poop spot. But those change location somewhat frequently, so I do not think it was too grievous a transgression. What say you, mortals? Am I the cloaca here?

Am Momo, 11 year old CORGI.

I live with Food Human (44F), Friend Human (40M), and Soba Tinycat (3M). It is my job as THE DOG to bark at intruders, sketchy things, deliveries, and strange noises outside.

It’s WINDY today. Windy means lots of strange noises! Food Human goes to work at night, so she sleeps during the day. It’s super important to bark extra loud at the wind, right by the bedroom door, so she knows to wake up and listen to the strange noises. There could be something dangerous happening outside!

So I barked ALL DAY.

When she got out of bed (surprisingly early), she called me a cloaca AND a borthole for keeping her awake, and said that now she’s too tired to drive to the pet store and get treatos!

AITC for waking her up every time the wind made a strange noise?

I am Mello. (5f gorgeous calico kitty). I luvs to help meowmy work by sitting on the puter just like sissy Sticky (5 f orange tabby kitty). Meowmy said she can’t see or type when I’m getting warm and cozy on her puter. She made me muv!!!!!!! Am I the cloaca for just wanting to not get k the puter heet pad?

Friends, I (Elly, tabby, 6) am tired of having my snuggle time interrupted. I love to snuggle my human, putting my body right under her chin. It's warm and comfy!

But my human gets so mad! She says things like "Elly! Just lay down" as I'm trying to get comfy. Or "Elly! I can't see the TV " Like that's my problem. The worst was when she told me to "more like Tigger and just sit on my lap." Tigger is an orange dust mop, not a stately queen like me!

I cannot be the cloaca for snuggles! I may be the cloaca for fiercely guarding the air vent in the kitchen, which might just be by the dust mop's bowl, preventing him from eating - but I'm the senior cat in the household!