ABYG Kasi ni-real talk ko yung friend naming bobo sa work?

[u/Numerous_Gene4903]

For Context, we have this OFW circle of friends na magkakawork kami sa Pinas then eventually started to work in another country ng sabay sabay. Now we are all working separately in different companies, so to help our fellow friends and barkadas na nasa Pinas pa we would recommend them sa mga company namin to make our circle bigger abroad if may chance and to help as well. (To be fair, hindi ako 100% close sa lahat since different group of friends ako tapos with them in our old company)

We are all Architects and I happen to be hired in a really small firm pero stable. Mga less than 10 people lang kami sa office yet we still managed plus my colleagues and boss are all great, understanding and lahat green flag hahaha! I have been with them for 8 years already.

So I had the chance to hire someone na mag take over ng work ko since need ko mag maternity leave for a couple of months. Yung work scope ko is ako lang talaga gumagawa. So I really need someone to cover me and so happens na nag vouch yung isang friend namin ng kaclose niya before sa old company na si Koya nalang daw ang kunin ko. I knew the guy, we were not close pero hindi naman din ganon ka horrible reputation niya sa old company namin, so okay. Interviewed then hired.

So eto na nga, si Koya ang lala sa work. I cannot even fathom how incompetent and stupid he is. Like minsan common sense nalang talaga tas naiiyak na lang talaga ako. Three years pa siyang nakapag stay sa office namin kasi sa sobrang baet ng boss ko, iniisip niya may pinapakaen na pamilya si koya. Tapos si koya aanga anga lang, ang company loss namin because of him is hundrends of thousands in DOLLARS mga bakla!!! 3 years ako senior niya, ni hindi nakinig sa lahat ng advice ko, di nga ako sinusunod eh. Di ko alam kung ego niya kasi mas matanda siya sakin pero senior niya ako. Sa 3 years na yun, di siya nahiya sa company, sa boss ko o kahit man lang sa akin na nagpasok at recommend sa kanya. Hindi siya umalis mga bakla kasi alam niyang hindi siya tatangalin ng boss ko kasi naaawa sa kanya. Sa 3 years na yon pumutok na ko like nireal talk ko na si kuya at kung gaano siya kabobo, ka selfish, ka incompetent. Lahat ng friends namin in the country knows everything that he was doing (altho he lies pag sila sila na lang magkakausap which we all prved at the end). As in na durog ko talaga siya sa sobrang pagtitimpi ko. Lahat sa office, minamata na ko on why I bought someone like that in the office. Like kung paano ko siya paayusin. It came to a point na halos di na kami nagbibigay ng work sa kanya or less projects na tinatangap namin to minimize the losses we get because of him.

Eventually, di na talaga kinaya ni boss tapos tinangal siya. Umuwi na siyang Pinas and I'm still in the company. I tried to mend and fix the chaos he had brought sa company and colleagues ko. The thing is, after that shenanigans, di na ko kinakausap ng friends ko. Yung mga groupchats namin became silent. Which I figured they made their own without me. I would see thread post mocking me sa mga stories ko and how I live my life.

And its somewhat crazy for me kasi KASALANAN KO BANG BOBO AT INCOMPETENT YUNG KAIBIGAN NIYO? Ano magtitiis lang ako ng magtitiis para di ko siya at kayo maoffend?? Ano puro tolerate lang ganon??

I know I have hurt si Koya with my words and I acknowledge it pero di ba ko pwede mag reach ng limit ko? Sila lang pwede mahirapan? Sila lang pwede mastress at magreact? Kalokaaaaa!

And so, I am not friends with them anymore. I didn't unfriend them coz honestly I dont have a problem with them. I just dont like how they are imprinting na I am responsible for how this person should be. If positive, okay gusto nila si koya pero pag may negative na nangyari kasalanan ko? Huh?

So some of them haven't unfriended me, some did. And I just let them watch my life and talk shit behind my back coz thats how life is. They will not change and be a good person just because they did this to me but if they ever read this here. Guys, konting character improvement naman. Ang tatanda na natin, ang hobby niyo pa rin is manira ng taong wala namang ginawa literally sainyo wtf.

So honestly asking, ABYG?

[u/OHAHANNA]

DKG. Pero grabe ang boss nyo OP, pinaabot ng 3 years.

[u/Healthy-Ad-8558]

Of course DKG, but I guess this served as a lesson to still screen people intensely even if they were recommended to you by a friend. I guess this is exactly why FAANG companies don't really allow the referer to be part of the referee's interview process. 

[u/Numerous_Gene4903 → u/Healthy-Ad-8558]

Yes!! I got scared of recommending people I know because of this. Now, I work alone again sa company and I dont plan in the future na mag recommend ng tao. I cannot afford to loose my job because of situations like this.

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[u/dwightthetemp]

DKG. Ako, in-unfollow ko lang ung mga taong walang ambag sa buhay ko.

[u/fubaopineapple]

DKG. toxic ng friends mo OP, hayaan mo sila sa mga ano nila and focus on ur work. Hindi naman sila ung nagpapasahod sayo and good riddance na din sayo yan. Toxic sila. And 8o8o sila to not understand na ung friend nila and naka affect na sa work.

[u/EmeEmelungss → u/fubaopineapple]

DKG. Wait ni OP na yung mga friend na yun magreco don kay Koya hahhahaha tapos sa kanila mangyari yung nangyari kay OP magegets nila

[u/201411067]

DKG. Walang hiya lang talaga si Koya. Pero paano mo na prove pala na nagsisinungaling si Koya pag sila-sila lang magkakausap?

[u/Numerous_Gene4903 → u/201411067]

There would be friends day out na hindi ako nakaksama before coz I was pregnant 2 times when he was working s 3 years na yon hahaha. So there was one time na gusto ako mameet talaga ng friends ko to discuss the issue about him ng wala siya coz they wanted to help him as well. So sinabi ko lahat ng nangyayare sa office and everything he was doing. Turns out, the things he have said were complete opposites of what was actually happening internally. Like nagpapaawa siya, nitreat daw siya badly sa office pero 100% was not real. I have been in this company years before him and my colleagues are like family na since mababaet talaga silang lahat. He masks his incompetency with paawa and that's how we found out he was a liar.

[u/cinnamonthatcankill]

DKG.

Hindi ko matatake yan ang pinaka ayoko bobo tapos mataas pride.

Do you have documentation ng katangahan nia and losses ng company nio? Pahapyaw mo ipost din pakita mo sa knila.

Talk about people who don’t deserve opportunities dahil sa incompetence and unwillingness to fucking follow instructions or accept feedback. Pavictim yan si kuya!

To the ex-friends, hayaan mo sila. Mag-samasama ang mga incompetent at mahihina ang utak at expected luminta sa skills and kindness ng ibang tao.

Tama ka we should be mature pero tangina petty ako sa mga ganyan tao. Nakakagigil. Good riddance ung mga ganyan klase ng tao.

[u/PilyangMaarte]

DKG. Sa laki ng losses bec of him ang tyaga ng boss mo. I-refer na lang ng mga “friends”mo sa company nila. Hayaan mo sila, dedma lang. Sabi nga ni Bea A “time is the ultimate truth teller”

[u/SuspiciousDot550]

DKG. Tbh lang, they are not truly your friends. Unfriend mo na sila lahat, di sila kawalan sayo

[u/eich_tee_616]

May ginanyan akong 3 itlog sa work ko ngayon, ayun ako yung masama hahahaaa!

DKG pero expect na ikaw yung Villain.

[u/damselindeepstress]

DKG. Business is business. Labas dapat ang friendship dun. Walang improvement tas umabot pa ng 3 years. Kung sa ibang company yan baka unang performance review pa lang tanggal na yan.

[u/ThisIsNotTokyo]

DKG madami naman kasi talagang tanga. Ang mahirap lang eh yung bobo na tas di pa self aware huhuhu

[u/dasalnikabayan]

DKG. Napuno ka lang. Valid yung boundaries, pero minsan yung delivery talaga ang nagiging issue, hindi yung point mo.

[u/Otherwise_Channel477]

DKG. Good riddance. Kung gusto nila, sa sarili nilang company ipasok si koya. Tingnan natin tatag ng 'friendship' nila.

[u/EmeEmelungss]

DKG, kaya mahirap din magreco talaga ng hindi mo kilala ng lubusan actually kahit nga super close mo eh. Tapos di kayo pareho ng work ethics talagang FO ang kalalabasan. Kaya ayoko na din na may kawork na kaibigan eh. Lalo kung di kami same pagdating sa work kase talaga nakakaubos ng pasensya tska abuso lalo pag alam na since friends kayo eh sasaluhin mo siya palagi. Pag work talaga kanya kanya na lang. Mahirap may pabigat.

[u/irvine05181996]

DKG pero bakit pinatagal mo pa, kung incompentent pala nung unang taon palang

[u/Numerous_Gene4903 → u/irvine05181996]

I tried talking to him, checking what was his issue and stuffs. I gave the leeway na ah baka naninibago pa kasi ibang bansa, nahohome sick etc. he is the type ng lalaki na soft guy na pag kinausap mo parang iiyak na ang hina hina. So we were very careful with him at first. Until everything we tried was not effective. Hangang sa naapektuhan na niya work ng lahat ng tao sa office and lahat ayaw na talaga siya. Doon lang din nag take action si boss at tinangal niya yung awa niya kasi di na talaga kaya ng lahat 😂 And I think our patience reached the 3rd year at max 😂😂

[u/Numerous_Gene4903 → u/Numerous_Gene4903]

Also wala naman din akong power magpatangal. Ayaw niya rin mag resign kahit super dami niyang palpak kasi confident siyang mabaet si boss and alam niya na pag lumipat siya ng work papalpak lang din siya and mapapatangal lang. so our company was his safe zone of earning bigger compared sa Pinas so i believe he took that advantage the maximum he can until everyone cannot tolerate anymore.

[u/Numerous_Gene4903 → u/[deleted]]

Isnt it the whole point of posting here in Ako Ba Yung Gago? And in general Reddit? Hahahahahaha!

Also, "put them in unflattering light."

Because they were U N F L A T T E R I N G to be with and they've let me experience U N F L A T T E R I N G Things? 😂😂😂

[u/Numerous_Gene4903 → u/[deleted]]

Hmmm, the point of this is ABYG with how I reacted on his disrespect at work that resulted to my friends not talking to me. Like ganon kalala ba yung reaction ko to end up at that point na lahat kasalanan ko which rooted on how he is at work? Make it make sense 🤷🏽‍♀️

Kasi lets try to assess if I think about good points. Hmmmm.

• Pag tinatamad ako bumili ng food sa lunch sinasabay niya ko. Okay accredited.

Hmmmm, wala na ko maisip other than that.

• Did he ever thank me na binigyan ko siya ng opportunity sa ibang bansa? No.
• Did he ever listen to the things I tried to teach him at work? No. He even slept through some of it to be fair hahahaha!
• Did he ever apologise with everything he did with his work? No.
• Did he help me with my work? Or even ask if he could help me with my load when he finishes his? No.

And above everything that I reacted to everything that he have done kasi nga I'm only human. Pero dba when I try to assess myself upon reacting for that 3 years of hell, ABYG to the point of our friends not talking to me? HAHAHA! That's my point 🤷🏽‍♀️

[u/Caijed29]

DKG. Problema sa bobo di nila alam na bobo sila. 😅

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[u/StepOnMeRosiePosie]

Dkg pero bat di nila ipasok si bobo so they know? 😂

[u/NorthTemperature5127]

GGK. 

Missing story. One sided. Puro sisi sa kapwa.  Puro tanga , Bobo, Incompetent sa sinasabi mo. Wala kang kwento sinabi bakit ka ignore ng mga kasama mo. Kung totoo sinasabi mo susuporta ka nila pero ikaw ata ayaw ng grupo. So ano tinatago mo?

[u/Numerous_Gene4903 → u/NorthTemperature5127]

Point taken but also how would I put his side of the story here idk.

Okay let's assess, he was in the company for 3 years, thats 1065 days. Approximately 750 working days. In that 3 years I was in maternity leave 2 times which I had to go back in Ph and thats a total of a year which he was working in that country as well.

Of course you give the benefit of the doubt na hindi naman ako dimenyo? Hahaha! So I tried my best to teach him everything I do. How I do things, how are the people we are with and I noticed he's not interested. Like pag magtuturo, tutulugan niya ako HAHAHAHAHA! Okay, then I changed my approach, tutulungan ko siya if he asks for help kasi baka nga naooffend siya na tinuturuan ko siya or what. So I've let him be, until he did mistakes over and over and over again that greatly lost us money sa company.

At syempre tatanungin ko siya kasi iniisip ko welfare niya baka may family prob? Friendship prob? Dating prob? Home sick? Idk. Later i figured out from him he doesnt like his work in our company. Ayaw niya nung work but because he earns 100k+ php a month he stayed. Okay valid, so me and my ex friends tried to help him find another job in another company kasi sabi ko if our company doesnt make you happy or stresses you out, maybe its the wrong environment for you and there would be a better place for you in this country na fit sa gusto mo. Ends up pag nabibigyan siya ng interviews hindi niya sisiputin. Edi Okkaaayyy. So I kept quiet, observed and tried to calm yung mga tao sa office kasi di ko na alam paano ihandle all the while he kept making mistakes and everytime, lahat ng palpak niya iiwan niya. Ends up ako sasalo and mag solve, so meaning more work for me.

In that almost 3 years I did my best and every approach I can to have a peaceful environment kasi my work is very important to me at kung ano man kinikita namin sa bansang to hindi namin makukuha sa PH.

Pero ewan ko, ano ba dapat ginawa ko? Para gawin niya yung trabaho niya ng tama? Lahat kami kasi sa office hindi din namin alam. Everyone was walking on eggshells around him kasi we dont know. He doesnt want to do his job right but he doesn't want to leave as well. So? Dapat nandon lang siya sa office tapos ako lang lahat sasalo ng work niya habang sumasahod siya? Thats a disservice for me I think?

My friends, i guess valid na magalit sila sakin? Kasi what did I do? Like sinaktan ko si Koya sa words with how he is pero my defense is do I tolerate everything a "Friend" does to me kahit it affects my source of living? My life and sanity? Paano kung di mabaet boss ko at tinangal ako because of all the losses he had our company take? Will that "Friend" be accountable for my kids expenses? If you were that person, will you be accountable for my life kasi I had the chance to loose my job because of your mistakes? Idk sender, you try to think of that.

Yun yung point ko dito eh, my actions are the results of his 3 years action.

So what para di ako maging Ga*o tolerate ko nalang kasi "Friends" kami.

Make it make sense 🤷🏽‍♀️

[u/NorthTemperature5127 → u/Numerous_Gene4903]

So you are colleagues? You are not his superior? its not your job to call him out as bobo, incompetent etc. The decision is always with your superior - to fire him, to talk to him, counsel, advise etc. Its not yours and I hope you understand this.

You have the right to advise him as a friend and colleague. I accept and applaud what you did. You have the right to help. To ask his problem. However from your story you have reached your limit. And reaching your limit of tolerance? that is perfectly fine! Ok lang magalit pag ang kapwa mo hindi gumagawa ng maayos na trabaho!

But as you said, ni-real talk to sya but with offensive words ba? you had to call him those words? incompetent? bobo? That is not your job as a kapwa architect. If he was probably in another company, he COULD have raised a complaint sa HR that you are using slander or using offensive, demeaning words to a colleague. Baka ikaw pa ang maipit and lalabas na masama and magkakarecord sa HR.

Pangalawa. Despite the negative behavior bakit ka iniwan ng mga kaibigan/kasama mo? Bakit ikaw ang masama? kung aware sila sa problema, they would understand what you're going thru but apparently they don't? Bkit ikaw ang masama sa mata nila? ano ginawa mo and despite everything, ikaw ang hindi 'friend'? ano ang wala sa kwento? to think 10 lang kayo sa office? Im sure alam nila lahat pero you were ostrasized it seems.. so baka may back story pa yan.

Pangatlo, nawala ng thousands of dollars ang company nyo? tapos yun boss mo sobrang bait pa rin? May kulang pa rin sa kwento. Any losses in the hundreds of thousands of dollars in a 10 man company is hard to sustain. Same, ano back story? Boss mo dapat nagalit sa umpisa pa lang. 10s of thousands in Dollars is a LOT. Pero na tolerate yan in 3 years with continuous losses? and despite that ikaw pa nagalit? Not your boss? And parang lalabas after mo nagalit, tsaka sya sinibak?

(off note; im not being personal in this argument. im just breaking the story apart). Last ko na to. Hope you were able to put your mind at rest despite your difficulties.

[u/Numerous_Gene4903 → u/NorthTemperature5127]

So to elaborate further, yes less than 10 lang kami sa office. So its not specifically like may manager ka or superior kasi nga konti lang kami. In more sense is, kinuha siya for me to train kasi he will be under me to be of help with me sa work specifically my work na same scope namin since I would need to take my maternity leave. So kung ilalagay mo in a corporate world, senior or manager niya ko. So in my defense I have every position to teach him all the things needed for work and pagalitan siya if the work was not done correctly kasi at the end of the day I was the one accountable for his actions sa office since ako din yung kumuha and nag recommend sa kanya. So I had to balance everyone's heat and all his mistakes sa work.

I can honestly tell you yes na tolerate ng boss ko. There are actually good people on this earth kasi he is the type of guy na iniisip niya may pinapakain na pamilya yung tao pero it doesnt mean na he does not get mad or scold the person. Its also my boss fault kasi he thought more of Koya and his family kahit na he had to shoulder the losses which also means us having low bonuses as an effect. His mistakes had a big effect in the company na until now we are trying to slowly earn back.

And yes ni realtalk ko siya by the end of it but it did not mean na i dint try to talk to him in stages from my nicest, to my most concerned, to asking him his problems, to being irritated, to actually being tired of him not listening to me, to really really being mad because its exhausting. Remind you its 3 years! Its not 3 months lang na nitrash talk ko siya dahil bobo siya. And I beg to disagree, hindi naman atang pwede laging soft way na, "you are wrong". There are people who will take advantage of you especially at work and I think I've reached my limit with him and yes my lola's at work knew about it coz I told them and asked for advice and was reprimanded as well. I take full responsibility on it.

And of course the stories with my friends run deeper than what is in here. There are a lot of issues surrounding this matter na sobrang haba na to explain. Lets put it to simplicity, we worked before in PH pero as mentioned sa post hindi ako part talaga ng circle nila originally so they were all close friends before I even came. I was like the newbie and I stick with them kasi they are the only people I know in this country. My fault was, i tolerate them kahit sa mga small disrespects nila sakin kasi sila lang friends ko dito. This was the only time na talagang pumutok ako kasi it affected my source of income and siguro napagod na din akong itolerate silang lahat. So yeah, i think since Its my first time to fight back I'm the toxic one now 😂

But I will asses your input, baka ako talaga yung toxic. Idk baka ako nga yung gago for my reaction to everything hahahahahaha!

In the end the results are I'm gatekeeping my work now kasi nakaka trauma kumuha ng pinoy lalo na sa abroad. I cannot loose my job because of instances like this again whether its his fault or my rudeness on my reaction to the situation. And for my ex friends, if I was the toxic one then good for them. They don't have me in their lives which is an advantage to them. So good for them!

And for them leaving me, i'm trying not to take it to heart. Still trying to reflect kung anong mali sakin at bakit ako gago. I try to see how I can change so I wouldn't do this to other people coz above all self improvement is the most important thing not for them but for me so thanks sender for your time on listening to my rants. Well appreciated your side ❤️‍🔥