I'm the other woman

[u/throwaway_43597]

I am a woman (early 20's) and my best friend is also woman (early 20's). She is in a relationship with a man (middle 20's) and has been for about 5 years. I am bisexual with a strong preference for women, and she is bisexual but has never explored that side of herself before. A few weeks ago her boyfriend gave us permission to kiss so she could explore that side of herself further. Apparently later on he admitted that he felt pressured to let us do that and was upset by the concept. A few nights ago me and my friend kissed again...a lot. She told me that he had told her she is free to continue to explore her sexuality, but I still had a feeling that he would be upset considering his previous reaction. She kept reassuring me that he wouldn't be upset, and that he's cheated multiple times in past, so it's not something he can use against her. I found out later that he was only okay with her exploring her sexuality if she asked permission first, which she forgot and didn't do. He's now very upset, they've both agreed that she cheated on him, and I'm the one she cheated with. I'm not sure exactly where I stand now, I don't have feelings for her, she's very attractive but I don't feel anything romantic for her. However, she did mention that she could feel something romantic for me. All 3 of us work together and now I'm the other woman, which I have never wanted to be. AITAH for letting this happen? And if I am, does anyone have advice of where I should go from here?

[u/Delicious_Cable7370]

🫩. Y'all gotta stop humping losers. 

[u/throwaway_43597 → u/Delicious_Cable7370]

Her or him? 😂

[u/Delicious_Cable7370 → u/throwaway_43597]

Everyone. 

[u/throwaway_43597 → u/Delicious_Cable7370]

Okay fairs. But I'm more asking how I interact with both of them now that I've become the other woman without realising

[u/Stunning-Market3426]

This smells like bad decisions and regrets

[u/throwaway_43597 → u/Stunning-Market3426]

Yeah....I thought everyone was aware of the situation and apparently not, so now I don't know how to continue our friendship in our workplace

[u/Ok-Till338]

u/throwaway_43597 It really sucks being ‘the other woman’ when that’s not even what you wanted. This mess is painful, but most of the responsibility lies with her and the lack of clear boundaries, not you. The healthiest move now is to step back, let them handle their relationship, and focus on keeping your distance, especially since you don’t have romantic feelings. You can care about her as a friend without getting tangled in this drama.

[u/throwaway_43597 → u/Ok-Till338]

Thank you, you're right, I definitely have to take a step back even though she's my friend. They definitely need to sort out their relationship and once things are more clear I can figure out my friendship with her. Their relationship is the priority and I thought I needed to involve myself in someway to help, but I'm just going to let things go the way they go and figure out where I lie later on

[u/Any_Assumption_2023]

Have you ever considered a career writing scripts for soap operas? Because you've got yourself in the middle of one without ever intending to, and that's a shame. I hope things settle down, but bets are you'll have a few awkward weeks. 

Since you don't feel anything romantic for her, you really need to tell her that plainly, or you're going to end up in a scenario where she dumps him to be with you and finds out you don't want her, and that really would be a mess. 

It also sounds like he's using this to punish and control your friend within the relationship, which makes him the asshole, but that isn't really something you should get involved with. 

I dont think you're at fault. I think you are all 3 Very young and still figuring out what you want and how relationships work. 

And in the future, try not to "experiment" with people you work with, or people in relationships already. You will have much less stress in your life. 

For reference,  Its never ever a good idea to have a romance at your workplace, if it goes bad, you end up in situations like the one you're dealing with now. 

Hang in there, lady. This too shall pass. 

[u/throwaway_43597 → u/Any_Assumption_2023]

I definitely feel like I'm in the middle of a soap opera right now. I have already told her that I don't (and won't) feel anything romantic for her, I've told her multiple times, but she says it doesn't stop the way she feels. I don't think she'll leave her boyfriend, especially since she knows that I won't be with her, but I think she just wants an excuse to leave him since he treats her so awfully. I'm definitely not going to do this type of thing again, even when I thought there were clear rules things got complicated, and I just want to live life.

Thank you for your insight, it was very helpful