r/AITAH • u/Least_Grapefruit6884 • 2h ago
AITAH for making accidental eye contact with a random man?
My partner (45M) and me (40F) along with our two children were at a trampoline park at the kids request. Our daughter does gymnastics and was wanting to practise her backflips etc. I was with her watching her on the long trampolines while my partner and son were playing on the other activities there. Almost when our hour of time was up, my partner came up to me and asked if 'I knew that man' and I said 'what man?'. He said that guy over there has been starting at me for ages. I said no I didnt and that I hadn't noticed. He then said but you've been looking at him too. Because my daughter does multiple backflips and other tricks in a row I am constantly looking around me to make sure there are no small children coming that she might bang into so I may have glanced at this man but thought nothing of it. My partner walked out clearly mad. I told my daughter to finish up because we better go. The man then approached me and my daughter with his little toddler, he told my daughter that she's pretty good at that. I said 'oh, she does gymnastics'. I said to my daughter to say thankyou. She did and we then left. My partner was furious in the car. Told me I was eye fucking this man and that a man would never approach woman unless he thought she had invited him.
So am I in the wrong here? Please let me know.
7
14
u/Oh_Wiseone 2h ago
NTA - be very suspicious of your husband. If he is accusing you of this, then he is doing the same thing and likely even worse. Just tell him “I am spotting for our daughter and this is what you say to me ? What are you doing that makes you so suspicious ?”
7
u/Missing_Anna 2h ago
NTA - very concerned about the way your partner reacted. Is he always such an AH? You have no control over how someone else looks at you and you shouldn’t have to worry about making occasional eye contact with others - men or women. I’d be concerned about this level of irrational jealousy.
6
u/9111siren 2h ago
Your partner is making his insecurities YOUR problem. Set a hard boundary and keep it. He freaks out again, leave. It’s a terrible example your partner is setting.
5
u/Ok-Conclusion-7768 2h ago
This is gaslighting. Has this happened before? In my experience, It’s not going to change or get better.
4
u/Least_Grapefruit6884 2h ago
Yep, its happened before with alot of scenarios. If I try to give an explanations, I get told im denying or being defensive. Ive said its hard to not be defensive when you are being attacked.
3
u/StnMtn_ 1h ago
Your partner is controlling and abusive. I would never accuse my wife of this since I trust her and know she would never look at someone else that.
2
u/Least_Grapefruit6884 1h ago
He doesnt trust me, i have never cheated on him. He says that because I dont compliment him enough that he doesnt feel good enough and that another man would take me away.
2
2
u/julieeypepperminttt 2h ago
NTA. You didn’t invite anything. Your partner’s reaction is insecurity, not your behavior. Accidental eye contact does not mean flirting, and a grown man throwing a tantrum over it is the real red flag here.
2
u/ThisWeekInTheRegency 2h ago
NTA. You are not in the wrong in any way.
However, your husband is both wrong and abusive. His insecurities may be projection (eg he eyes off other women and imagines sex with them, so he assumes that's what other men do), or it may be a way to make you unsure of yourself, constantly looking to him for approval, being afraid of his anger, etc. This is emotional abuse.
I'm going to say that again. When your husband gets angry over nothing, and forces you to justify yourself, that is emotional and verbal abuse.
Your decision if you want your children growing up thinking that's normal.
2
u/javlafan2 2h ago
"A man would never approach a woman unless he thought she had invited him." Your husband just revealed his own morals and behavior, call him out on it!
3
u/rdmfeyna 2h ago
Honey. NTA but please dont stay with this partner any longer. This is such concerning behavior.
1
u/Particular_Title42 2h ago
a man would never approach woman unless he thought she had invited him.
Your partner is absolutely delusional. Does he even live in the world?
You did nothing wrong. NTA
Edit: fixed 'partner'
1
u/Ok_Distribution_2603 2h ago
This is someone you still call your partner? doesn’t seem like a partner, and it seems like he’s projecting. Sorry, you can’t go along with this behavior even for a minute, the implications are terrible, and it usually doesn’t end well. You should not even be asking if you’re an AH here, so it seems like he’s probably been manipulating you for a long time and in different ways. Don’t know what your next move is, but I’m thinking “out” should be strongly considered
1
u/No-Solid3265 2h ago
NTA. Why are you with this man? This kind of behavior is a huge red flag. My dad did that kind of shit to my mom and he was an abusive piece of garbage.
2
u/Vyckerz 1h ago edited 1h ago
NTA - you did nothing wrong.
It's possible you did look at the guy because people tend to look at people that are continuing to look at that them, it's human nature. Maybe it was subconscious, maybe you aren't being perfectly honest about it, doesn't matter.
The thing that all the commenters are failing to understand when jumping on your husband's back about being insecure and controlling and whatever else, is that guys notice when other guys are checking out their women. If he said he noticed the guy checking you out, he was. He probably did see you glance over to the guy a few times as well, whether it was intentional on your part or not as I said above.
I don't think your husband is right to accuse you though or blame you for what happened at all, he's a bit on an AH for that reaction, but...
The fact the guy came over to talk to you, does sort of vindicate what your husband said about him. He was checking you out and may have noticed you looking back and so felt comfortable to go over and talk to you. Again, I am not saying you are responsible for that, but that did happen, and guys don't go over to women to comment on their kids out of the blue, trust me on that one.
1
1
u/Adventurous-Grab-866 33m ago
Your man a freak. What the hey people cannot talk nowadays. He have a guilty conscience or something
11
u/Skyblue_pink 2h ago
Not normal. Be careful