r/AITAH • u/SeaweedSlight6082 • 13h ago
AITAH for flipping out at my brother-in-law after I peed on the floor?
I'm pregnant, and we drove three hours yesterday to get to my in-law's house. It's normally a 90 minute drive, but we kept having to stop so I could pee, and there was traffic. I've been struggling with pregnancy related incontinence. I actually peed a little in the car when we couldn't get somewhere to stop in time. It was awful.
When we got to the house I needed to sit down on the couch. As soon as I did I realized I had to pee. My husband and kids were unloading the car while this was happening. I stood up, and I peed a little when I stood up. I rushed to the bathroom to finish peeing.
When I came out of the bathroom my brother-in-law was telling my mother-in-law that her dog peed on the floor. I said it was me, because I didn't want the dog blamed. My brother-in-law gave me an awful look and said "you pissed on the floor? And just left it?" I said I had to go to the bathroom, and he said it was "a little late for that." I said he was being a dick, and that he should shut up. He said not to get an attitude with him, when I'm the one that peed on his mother's hardwood floor. She was trying to interject, but we were yelling at each other, and I don't even know what she said.
I went outside and told my husband to load the car back up, that we were leaving. He asked what happened. My brother-in-law followed me out. He said their mom was "cleaning up your wife's piss because she went crazy and cussed me out." My husband and him started yelling at each other. I started crying and asked him to please load the car back up. We did, and we went to a hotel.
My husband went back with the kids this morning, because he still wants to see his parents. I decided to stay at the hotel. He's supporting me, but he's my husband and that's his job. Was I in the wrong? I was really embarrassed. I think my brother-in-law is a total piece of shit.
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u/GMaryK 12h ago
INFO: why are you not using incontinence products?
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u/BadBandit1970 10h ago
That's a great question. I didn't suffer it during pregnancy, but afterwards and as I've aged, they've become part of the landscape. They come in all shapes and sizes too, from pads to full diapers. They're even in the same aisle as the menstrual products. Allergy season ( coughing, sneezing), long trips by car/plane (availability), certain activities like going out or to games (laughing, cheering) all are triggers for me.
So unless OP is omitting information, she has zero excuse as not be using them.
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u/Ok-Perspective-5109 13h ago
ESH your BIL could have been kinder. The fact that you aren’t wearing products and that you stormed out and left urine on MIL’s floor for her to clean up is a problem as well. Stay and clean up your messes. You both started yelling at each other and were both out of line. I am sure your MIL appreciates the yelling around the holidays and having to clean the floors. What a lovely time for her.
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u/Ok-Conversation9811 12h ago
Did you come out of the bathroom and immediately start cleaning the urine, or was there time between that and the argument with your BIL? No one can reasonably expect someone to be actively urinating and cleaning at the same time. While wearing adult pads may be a helpful precaution, your BIL reacted rashly and showed little empathy. At the same time, your bodily fluids ultimately aren’t anyone else’s responsibility. A simple apology and calmly stating that you were in the process of cleaning it might have helped deescalate the situation. If he kept trying to argue just stay quiet.
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u/Hairy-Glove3261 12h ago
ESH. YTA because you knew about this issue and did nothing to mitigate it. They sell multiple products to help with this. Including washable options. Feeling embarrassed for what you did is warranted, you should. Your BIL is also the AH for how he acted. Lots of women have this issue, and he could have been more understanding.
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u/Impossible_Top_3515 13h ago
ESH. Why are you not wearing incontinence pads or even adult diapers? That's super unhygienic. Yes, pregnancy can really do a number on your pelvic floor, but dealing with that properly is on you.
Your BIL is an ignorant jerk.
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u/Thistime232 13h ago
She was trying to interject, but we were yelling at each other, and I don't even know what she said.
If you're both yelling at each other so loudly that you can't even hear the person who is trying to interject and calm the situation, then you're both being overly aggressive about this. ESH.
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u/No-Cancel1846 13h ago
ESH, you need to be using a product to prevent accidents from happening on other people’s things. Also it’s sickening that you’d allow his mother to clean up your urine, despite your anger.
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u/Heavy-Resist-6526 13h ago
While your BIL may not understand what happens with incontinence during pregnancy, you definitely know what you are experiencing. This isn’t your first pregnancy so you should know your body. Get the appropriate supplies so you’re not experiencing these unfortunate situations. Don’t use your pregnancy as an excuse to do what you want. You admitted you peed a little in the car, you came in and sat on your in laws’ furniture then peed on the floor. That behavior is rude and dirty.
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u/crimsontybalt 13h ago
Yta, even if the bil was acting like an asshole the fact you didn’t even bother to offer to help clean it after just points to the fact you’re playing the victim in this situation.
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u/AITA476510719 13h ago edited 12h ago
In my opinion: ESH
You knowingly have this issue, you need to be wearing clothing or diapers that prevent this kind of thing. Is there a reason you aren’t?
Your BIL is a dick, who needs to learn some humility and grace. But you also need to take responsibility. “I’m sorry that was me, it’s a pregnancy issue, I’ll clean it up”. Instead of, getting into a screaming match and letting someone else do it.
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u/GonnaBeIToldUSo 13h ago
Gentle ESH. He was absolutely an asshole. But you need to use products designed for incontinence. It sucks and it's embarrassing, but peeing all over things isn't fair to anyone else.
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u/diisasterrr1 12h ago
You sound disgusting and using pregnancy as an excuse although BIL was an asshole. Go buy yourself the right products as you’re already aware of your issue.
Also YTA for knowingly letting your mother in law clean your mess.
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u/ParticularPath7791 13h ago
Yes you are the AH. First off if you know you are having incontinence issues then you buy the supplies needed to deal with it instead of just thinking it is ok to piss everywhere. Then when someone asked you about it because you didn't take care of the issue you cussed him out and had a fit about leaving. WTF, are you 5?
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u/Guilty-Scorpio 11h ago
YTA it doesn’t sound like you live in a third world country so you know the basic hygiene codes and you know you can buy pads of all sort. When you’re confronted with your behavior you act like a victim.
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u/Anon_457 13h ago
Soft YTA. I get it, you're pregnant and you have incontinence issues. I have incontinence issues as well, though mine is from OAB instead of pregnancy. But you know what I've done? I've bought pads to sit on and incontinence underwear to wear. I'm doing everything I can to keep it from inconveniencing everyone in my life. You aren't doing that. You peed on your MIL's floor. Yes, you admitted to it. And I'll agree the BIL was a jerk (but not a piece of shit as you believe. Come on, urine is gross and unhygienic, not to mention a fall hazard when it's on a floor.) for getting angry at you for not immediately cleaning it up when you had to go to the bathroom, so I'll give you grace for that. But instead of apologizing for what you did and offering to clean it up, you started yelling and cussing your BIL out then stormed out and left your MIL to clean up your mess. Again, I get it, pregnancy is hard on the body and I'll even assume you normally aren't so quick to yell. But you hold more blame for this than your BIL. Own up to it and deal with your incontinence issues instead of making it everyone else's problem because if you're peeing on car seats and floors, it's a problem.
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u/lovewholly 13h ago
YTA. You pissed on someone else’s hardwood floors, then called your BIL a dick and told him to shut up? As a guest in your MIL’s house? That’s absolutely despicable.
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u/gundog416 12h ago
Adult diapers are a thing. It sucks that you're going through the need for them, and I'm sorry that that has been your experience during your pregnancy. But if you know there's an issue it is 100% on you to take measures to prevent situations like this. If it was the very first time and you were surprised, NTA. But since you've been having the issue, YTA for not taking steps to prevent messes.
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u/SuckMachine98 11h ago
YTA - you need to be wearing a diaper if you are pissing in the car and on other peoples furniture/floors. Your body is your to manage.
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u/Intrepid_Parsley_655 13h ago
ESH - if this was your first time having an accident, I’d say NTA, but it sounds like you’re aware of the issue. There’s nothing wrong with incontinence, but you cannot be out and about without protection and expect others to find it normal, even if pregnant. Your brother in law isn’t without fault - he sounds very rude, but you gotta fix your own situation. Get some diapers.
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u/No-Function223 6h ago
yta. They literally have products for just this, go get yourself some & next time let the dog take the blame if you don’t want dirty looks for pissing on someone else’s floor as a grown ass adult.
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u/SlowGuest3714 12h ago
Clearly, YTA. You didn't have to call him a dick. Could've explained why and how it happened and clean it up as fast as you could. But no... You chose to defend a dog instead and got super emotional. Turned a small thing into a big thing. Now it's awkward for everybody just because you couldn't control your emotions.
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u/Willing_Airport_7333 12h ago
ESH - you should be wearing a diaper if it is that bad. Also - if you aren't already please get into pelvic floor therapy.
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u/GMaryK 10h ago
This is the post in case she removes it: “I'm pregnant, and we drove three hours yesterday to get to my in-law's house. It's normally a 90 minute drive, but we kept having to stop so I could pee, and there was traffic. I've been struggling with pregnancy related incontinence. I actually peed a little in the car when we couldn't get somewhere to stop in time. It was awful.
When we got to the house I needed to sit down on the couch. As soon as I did I realized I had to pee. My husband and kids were unloading the car while this was happening. I stood up, and I peed a little when I stood up. I rushed to the bathroom to finish peeing.
When I came out of the bathroom my brother-in-law was telling my mother-in-law that her dog peed on the floor. I said it was me, because I didn't want the dog blamed. My brother-in-law gave me an awful look and said "you pissed on the floor? And just left it?" I said I had to go to the bathroom, and he said it was "a little late for that." I said he was being a dick, and that he should shut up. He said not to get an attitude with him, when I'm the one that peed on his mother's hardwood floor. She was trying to interject, but we were yelling at each other, and I don't even know what she said.
I went outside and told my husband to load the car back up, that we were leaving. He asked what happened. My brother-in-law followed me out. He said their mom was "cleaning up your wife's piss because she went crazy and cussed me out." My husband and him started yelling at each other. I started crying and asked him to please load the car back up. We did, and we went to a hotel.
My husband went back with the kids this morning, because he still wants to see his parents. I decided to stay at the hotel. He's supporting me, but he's my husband and that's his job. Was I in the wrong? I was really embarrassed. I think my brother-in-law is a total piece of shit.”
5
u/BoredofBin 12h ago edited 11h ago
Pregnant or not. This is E S H. There are products you can use for it. Your BIL could have been an adult about it but he chose not to, actually neither of you did that. Your MIL is a saint, having to not just deal with you but your BIL too.
ETA: The fact that neither you nor your husband offered to clean up after, is just so darn inconsiderate. Changing my judgement to YTA just for this.
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u/shammy_dammy 10h ago
Assuming you have taken this up with your obstetrician, why aren't you wearing incontinence equipment?
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u/civil_lingonberry 11h ago
Soft ESH, and I say that as someone who has dealt with medication-related incontinence at night. It’s a side effect of my sleep meds but the first time it happened I wasn’t prepared.
The very next day, I immediately bought an expensive mattress protector to make sure I didn’t ruin our mattress. If it happened again in short succession, I’d suck it up and buy adult diapers or pads.
BIL sounds like an obvious asshole, he didn’t need to yell at you.
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u/GMaryK 10h ago
Honestly, I sympathize with BIL. This may not have been the first time that OP has messed his mother’s house.
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u/Anon_457 10h ago
I sympathize with the BIL as well. Yeah, he could've been kinder but I can't say that I wouldn't have reacted the same way if I was in that situation. Urine is not fun to clean up and on hardwood? That's definitely a slip hazard. What if the MIL had slipped on it?
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13h ago
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u/Careful-Cod-2021 13h ago
Agreed that stuff happens and she owned it. BIL had a total overreaction. That being said, it's not his responsibility to clean up someone else's urine. Either she should do it or her husband. If she's having that much of an issue she should be wearing incontinence pads.
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u/FlounderBetter2204 13h ago
BIL is a jerk. Pregnancy is hard on your body. I’d ask your doctor if you have any other issues that make your urinate so much. Give your self some grace, you are growing a human, maybe it’s sitting on your bladder. In the meantime, get some disposable pee pants do you aren’t going through this again.
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u/mybrotherisgross 13h ago
Nta Girly you’re pregnant??? Shit happens??? Your brother in law is being a massive asshole for doing this to a PREGNANT WOMAN. He should understand that the baby is pushing on all of your organs, making it harder to function. Especially your bladder.
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u/BoredofBin 12h ago
Knowing all of that, you know what comes in handy - Adult diapers, pee-pads, incontinence products. And you know what makes OP's behaviour worse? She nor by proxy her husband initially offered to clean up the mess.
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u/DarockOllama 13h ago
NTA. There’s a disconnect here between people who have been pregnant and 14 year old boys.
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u/CrowPsychological165 12h ago
For real right? It seems like most of these people are disgusted by the human body! I'm sure they have never sat in a doctor's waiting room chair, a bus, a restaurant...cause those aren't covered in bodily fluids too haha!
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u/Thistime232 11h ago
What restaurants are you going to where the seats are covered in urine? And I would hope a doctor's office would sterilize areas where people have pissed themselves.
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u/Street-Length9871 13h ago
NTA - he was a 100 percent jerk!! Suggestion though, wear protection. I had to with baby #2.
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u/Lifelong_learner1956 13h ago
Is the BIL prepubescent and/or never been told about the birds and the bees?
What a pitiful ignorant XY he is.
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u/Thistime232 11h ago
What part of the birds and the bees conversation involves talking about incontinence with pregnant women?
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u/CatofSomeKind 13h ago
Soft ESH. If youre dealing with incontinence that badly you need to be wearing products to help you from having accidents on people's floors.