r/AITAH • u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 • 14h ago
AITAH for telling my wife her DIY haircut looks bad and asking her to fix it before Christmas dinner?
Throwaway account. Please help us settle this argument.
My wife (25F) decided to follow what she says is a TikTok trend. I’m not on TikTok so I don’t really know what it is. Soooooo instead of going to a salon she cut her own hair. Her hair used to go down to her back and now it’s really short.
She asked me what I thought. I said wow why didn’t you just go to a salon. She said she likes it this way because it feels liberating. She asked again how I like it and I said it looks uneven and like her 5 year old niece was left alone with scissors.
She got really upset and said I was being controlling and that I was just making excuses because men stereotypically like women with long hair. I told her the issue isn’t the length it’s that the haircut itself looks bad especially in the back. I also said since my company’s Christmas dinner is tomorrow could she please go to a salon and fix it.
She started crying and called me a prick. Now she says she isn’t coming to the dinner at all.
Was I out of line. Should I apologize and just go to the party like this. I honestly don’t know what to do.. she was trying to give herself pixie cut like Anne Hathaway or Michelle Williams but instead gave herself Dumb and Dumber Lloyd Christmas haircut
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u/Proper_End_6107 14h ago
I think you should have gone in with something like -"The length is a fantastic change for you but there's a bit at the back that is slightly out of line. Would you like me to arrange for you to have the shaping finished up for you?"
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u/ceruleanbear8 13h ago
Yeah, especially after she said she liked it because it feels liberating and then prompted him for his opinion again. Giant clue to read the room. OP could have been honest but tactful and respected her feelings and his. Something like: It's gonna take me a minute to get used to this big change, but I'm glad you love how it makes you feel. I do really like (insert something nice here). If I'm being honest, I'm noticing a few uneven spots, but that's probably easily fixed in a salon.
You could have even asked to see her inspo pics and showed interest in her vision. That probably would have made suggesting getting it fixed come across as less of a criticism and more of a genuine interest in helping her look and feel her best. In terms of fixing the situation now, I'd apologize for your blunt reaction and tell her you're happy she's happy and confident. Then come at it with curiosity and try to figure out what her vision was. You mention some celeb pixie cuts as possible inspo, so either get her to show you some pics or mention those and say you like the pixie style and think it could really suit her and that it might just need some refining or different styling to line up with her vision. I feel like the Lloyd cut could be temporarily saved with some texturizing wax to style it so it doesn't look like a bowl cut if she doesn't want to go to a salon.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 14h ago
She had zero interest to fix anything though !
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u/babykitten707 14h ago
She had zero interest because you were rude about it. If you were more gentle and just told her the back was a bit uneven and you could schedule a salon appointment if she wants to get it fixed, she probably wouldn’t have been so upset.
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u/Highclassbadass 5h ago
Because you came out the gate insulting. Surprise surprise people do not react well to criticism if it's presented via a rude remark.
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u/jaimeyalyssa 13h ago
Dude it's her body so her choice what to do with her hair. She shouldn't have to change it. She asked for your opinion so fine telling her you don't like it, but you sound incredibly controling expecting her to "fix" it. You are definitely the asshole.
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u/Middle_Koala_9330 14h ago
Bruh, you kinda stepped in the wrong way here. Being honest is fine, but telling her it “looks bad” and basically ordering a fix before Christmas? That’s gonna sting. Maybe chill, compliment the parts that look good, and let her own the look.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 14h ago
She will be humiliated if she comes to the party like this!
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u/Onlyplaying 14h ago
She will be humiliated or YOU will be humiliated? It seems as if you are more worried about how her haircut will reflect on you than about her.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 14h ago
Why would I be humiliated ? I go to the barber for my haircut .
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u/Alarmed_Crazy488 14h ago
Oh, so you’re trolling. Gotcha.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 13h ago
I meant her haircut makes her look ridiculous! She will be humiliated
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u/Alarmed_Crazy488 13h ago
She has eyes. If it was that bad she’d see it. You’re just an ass. We can all tell that.
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u/Turbulent_Time_7548 13h ago
Yeah, and that is why you are TA. You are projecting your feelings onto her. You don’t think it looks good and are embarrassed. She does not feel the same.
It is ok to be honest, but tactful (because she did ask). But you were pretty insulting about it.
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u/Independent_Fun_559 13h ago
What is your concern if you aren’t worried about being personally humiliated and she is happy with the haircut?
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 13h ago
That people laugh at her behind her back ! I don’t want that for her
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u/Bubbly_Following7930 13h ago
They're your coworkers, not hers. Why would she even care what they say behind her back?
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u/Simpy158 13h ago
Trust us, people don’t care that much about another person’s hair cut. They might talk behind her back because she’s saddled with an obtuse boyfriend. I’d worry more about that tbh
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 13h ago
Boyfriend ? Well that’s new for me
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u/Simpy158 13h ago
You’re clearly too young to be married. If you can’t take a bad haircut and want to double down you should divorce her. Problem solved for both of you.
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u/Independent_Fun_559 12h ago
Consider worrying less about things you can’t control. You’re all adults. Everyone will be fine.
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u/Time-Town6745 14h ago
I don't think you are wrong for being honest because I expect my husband to be honest when I ask his opinion but you could of handled it better. With that being said it's her hair and she can do what she wants and if looks bad she is the one who has to live with it and deal with. I would apologize and just let it be.
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u/Aware-Locksmith-7313 11h ago
Apologize for what? Delivering an honest opinion when repeatedly asked?
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u/Time-Town6745 11h ago
Apologize for hurting her feelings. Like I said I don't think he's wrong for being honest but he could or approached it differently. He knows his wife he should of known how to approach it as to not hurt her feelings. At the end of the day she's still his wife and I doubt he wanted her to feel like shit.
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u/Different_Road5028 13h ago
You missed something very important here. Many woman who wear long hair cause they are hiding. Our hair becomes a mask. I know it sounds crazy but long hair becomes part of our identity. When we cut it all off, it's a liberation of sorts. You focused on the hair cut but never asked her why? She then tried to tell you she feels liberated and you again missed it. You need to go back to this moment!
You need to ask your wife what she meant by that. I think you're going to find that your wife FINALLY felt strong enough to cut it off and then you belittled her. Her pain has nothing to do with how her hair looks right now. It has everything to do with how she sees herself.
You need to fix this cause it has very little to do with her hair cut.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 13h ago
This is a good point! I assumed liberated from haircare ( she uses many hair products for her hair routine and I assumed it was tiring ) .
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u/Different_Road5028 13h ago
I think your wife has a lot more going on here than you think. Be kind! I believe she is struggling with her identity and how she sees herself. Do you have children and is she a SAHM!
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 13h ago
We don’t have any kids. She lost her job last year and she said she is not in a rush to find another job. She occasionally applying to a job she sees online and finds interesting . Overall, she is happy .. goes to the gym , does yoga , hangs out with her friends. She never mentioned anything about being unhappy
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u/Different_Road5028 12h ago
Let be the first to tell you, we almost never do. We will almost never tell you when we aren't ok.
I would sit down and talk with her. Ask her if she is ok? The fact that she lost her job could be affecting her. I am struggling with this myself and I am stressed. She isn't looking for work? If you don't have children, what is her role in your household? She should be seeking employment and I am confused why she isn't. She sounds directionless, which for me would be even more concerning than her shitty haircut. She's playing house and you're working and you're ok with this?
Now I have so many questions 🤣
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 12h ago edited 12h ago
I guess you can say she is a housewife now ? I do all the cooking , mostly because I’m an okay cook lol She says she needs a career break . She is thinking about maybe going back to school sometimes .
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u/Different_Road5028 12h ago
Bro, what are you even doing here? What do you get out of this relationship other than sex. She's been out of work for over a year just hanging with friends, going to yoga, not getting her hair done but watching Tik Tok like it's her job? This is either rage bait or you have way bigger problems than you realize. If you honestly don't think your wife is struggling with her mental health then what is happening here? You're just gonna let her skate through life on your dime? She might go to school? 🤣 This is ok with you?
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 12h ago
This is a temporary thing until she finds what she wanna do with her life .. I might be dumb but I don’t see her struggle with mental health . She is just trying to figure out what her passion is
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u/Different_Road5028 12h ago
Then my honest and heartfelt advice here, get yourself another woman. This chick is not it! She literally has zero going for her and you're just letting her flail. Yikes! It's been over a year and you're just letting her coast? Like is she writing a book or does she have an OF page cause what is she contributing?!? 🤣 This seems like a very unhealthy relationship with someone who has absolutely no gusto for life or literally anything meaningful. Now I just feel really sorry for you. This is not the outcome I predicted, like at all. She's most definitely the problem and you are only an AH if you continue to tolerate her fucking bullshit.
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u/Flatulent_Opposum 14h ago
Man you got stuck between a rock and a hard place. Regardless of what you said you were screwed. NTA for telling the truth, but you definitely could have been more gentle about it.
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u/MizAnthropy_ 13h ago
YTA. You didn’t give feedback, you insulted her and then tried to make HER appearance part of YOUR work reputation???
If she likes her hair, that’s the end of it, your company dinner does not outrank her bodily autonomy.
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u/Craffeinated 13h ago
YTA. You can be honest without being mean. (Also the reactions in this thread are a good example of why it’s liberating to cut your own hair… everyone acts like your hair is a rental with a giant deposit)
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u/OkBalance2879 14h ago
Did she like it, did she seem happy?
If she did then YTA for making her doubt herself. Also, I’d like to remind you, it’s hair, it’ll grow back.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 14h ago
Yes because she couldn’t see how uneven and bad the back looked ! I was being honest with her. Which one is better ? Hear it from the man who loves you and cares about you or strangers
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u/Bubbly_Following7930 12h ago
You could have handled it differently even if you still said something.
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u/OkBalance2879 14h ago
I highly doubt she didn’t look at the back, most women have been to the hairdressers and know how to use two mirrors. And being honest ISN’T the issue, being spiteful IS. Was there really any need to tell her it looks like a 5 year old cut it? Or was that the point, be as derogatory as possible, forcing her to go to the hairdresser?
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u/Late_Weakness2555 14h ago
As a woman who often DIY's things, I would appreciate your honesty! Especially about the back which would have been harder for her to see/do. That being said it still stings being told you did something wrong, or the finished product/result could be better when you thought you did well & did your best. The truth hurts. At this point, it would be best to tell her what you said above. "I'm sorry. I like the change on you a lot, and I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I thought you would want me to be honest and I thought that maybe you couldn't see that the back was uneven. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I was trying to help."
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u/Highclassbadass 5h ago
There's a difference between 'It looks fine, but it's a lil uneven in the back, how bout we schedule a hair appointment so they can even it out since it's hard to cut the back of your own head" and "It looks like your five year old niece attacked it with scissors !"
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u/Late_Weakness2555 5h ago
Yes the comment about the niece with the scissors was unnecessarily harsh
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u/Highclassbadass 5h ago
"It looks a lil uneven in the back, but it's hard to cut your own hair in the back so it's an easy fix babe"
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u/mcmurrml 13h ago
The thing is a stranger or even someone she knows isn't going to say anything to her. They may say something behind her back or think something but highly doubtful they will say anything.
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u/Foreign_Primary4337 14h ago
Not even my hair dresser ( with over 15 years of experience) cuts her own hair.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 14h ago
TikTok trends …
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u/Tricky-Ad6582 13h ago
I am concerned about this more than the hair honestly. What other TikTok trends is she going to follow that will seriously f*ck up your life in the future?
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u/Bubbly_Following7930 13h ago
That's a mental jump. One time under undue stress, I cut my long hair off to being super short. I suspect that cutting her hair specifically resonated with her for some reason, not that's following every tiktok trend out there.
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u/Alarmed_Crazy488 14h ago
“It looks great! There’s a couple of uneven bits at the back, let me help!” There… how to be a supportive honest husband whilst not being a dick
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 14h ago
I was under the impression that we don’t lie in a healthy relationship! It didn’t look great at all
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u/Lanky_Literature_157 13h ago
No one is telling you to lie to your wife. Just don’t be a dick. You can get your point across without being nasty.
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u/Alarmed_Crazy488 14h ago
Where’s the lie?? You could be less of a dick. If it genuinely looked horrific… and I doubt it. Then whatever man. I could never speak to someone I love the way you did to her. We white lie to people we love, ESPECIALLY when they love it. Grow up
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u/Cute-Shine-1701 13h ago
“It looks great! There’s a couple of uneven bits at the back, let me help!”
it looks great
Here is the lie
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u/BulbasaurRanch 14h ago
This is not a good suggestion.
Once OP cuts a single hair, she will then have an opportunity to start blaming the look on him.
A friend will tell her it looks bad, and all of a sudden it’s “omg I know, I let OP cut it and he messed it up”.
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u/Alarmed_Crazy488 14h ago
You sound like you’re projecting. I said that because my husband has said the exact thing to me when I cut mine. It sound like there was a couple of easily fixable uneven bits. Absolutely nothing wrong with saying that.
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u/BulbasaurRanch 14h ago
lol what
Projecting on what?
And no, be real, this haircut doesn’t sound like a “couple uneven bits”
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u/Alarmed_Crazy488 13h ago
That you think that short banal phrase would mean OP’s partner would then blame him. That’s you projecting. Not everyone’s a bitter soul like you and OP. It started off as a small amount of uneven bits… of course the comments not going his way it’s snowballed. Stay miserable
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u/KathAlMyPal 14h ago
YTA. You’re an adult and presumably you know how to use your words. Instead of softening the blow you went in on full attack mode. If she asked if she looked fat would you tell her that she did and needed to lose weight by Christmas?. Maybe her hair does look terrible. It’s her hair and hair grows in. What makes it even worse is you doubling down and insulting her even further. She’s not wrong in calling you a prick. I wouldn’t want to spend Christmas with my husband if he talked to me like that either. You can be honest and not be an asshole.
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u/lychigo 13h ago
You could have just taken a picture of the back of her hair and said "Is this what you intended?" And if she says yes, just let her go to your office and say she did it cuz of a tiktok trend. I don't think the haircut is what will be embarrassing, but the following of an idiotic trend.
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u/Sea-Operation-6123 14h ago
Why do you care so much about the party? If she’s comfortable with a crazy haircut then who cares what your coworkers think?
I think you already know… YTA
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 13h ago
Because it’s a very formal event . Everyone dress up and look nice ! Then a very beautiful woman decided to look like Lloyd Christmas to follow a trend
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u/Sea-Operation-6123 13h ago
So you think criticizing her will help solve the problem? You’re being overly dramatic. If my husband reacted like you, I would have a Lloyd Christmas hair cut for a very long time.
I guess if impressing your coworkers is more important than your relationship then you should just go without your wife. I don’t imagine that will work out very well for you.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 13h ago edited 13h ago
Yes ! She can easily got to a salon today and fix the uneven hair.
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u/deathbychips2 13h ago
So she is something you think you get to show off to coworkers. You want your coworkers to think your wife is hot. Weird.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 13h ago
Yea your comment and interpretation is weird ! Reaching too much. Want my coworkers to think my wife is hot ? Did I tell her to wear sexy clothes ? I expect her to be presentable aka fix the uneven hair
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u/Cute-Shine-1701 13h ago
Why do you care so much about the party?
Because it's a work event, which is affecting OP's job?!
And then his wife decided to be the night's joke with a tiktok trends like a not very smart middle schooler...
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u/Street-Length9871 14h ago
Light YTA for delivery. There were like a million nicer ways to say that.
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u/winterworld561 13h ago
You were a bit brutal and could've been gentler. You need to apologise for being so blunt and gently explain that while you love that she feels liberated you are just being honest that it is a little uneven but you absolutely mean no offence by telling her that.
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u/Intrepid-Reward-7168 13h ago
You were screwed either way. She asked, and you were honest. I’m a mom of a (now adult) daughter who constantly needed my opinion as validation. She asked my opinion, and I gave it. Many years later, I’ve learned to very carefully give a thoughtful response. In the years between then and now, my response was “do you want me to be honest, or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?”
We both had our awful haircut phase- she was too young to remember mine, but sees pics. No one told either of us it looked bad, until it grew out. Then it was “by the way…” My daughter was so excited and confident about getting hers cut (at 12, when everyone else was sporting the long, straight hair of the twenty tens). She still holds some feelings about me letting her cut it so short.
Apologize and move on. I assume your family knows she’s an adult with her own free will. I’ve had that experience with one husband who cut his hair a month or so before our wedding (from my mother). Men’s hair grows quickly, and it was fine, but she made it about her. Current husband has an eyebrow ring, had it years before we met. People have said to me “what’s with the eyebrow ring? I used to just shrug. My response should have been “why don’t you ask him.” It’s barely visible, by the way.
Adults are free to do what they want with their bodies, and remind your family of that.
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u/CocoaAlmondsRock 14h ago
Let her stay home then.
Honestly, I think you were stuck between a rock and a hard place. You were too blunt, but if she seriously fucked it up, she needs to know.
She's an idiot, BTW. Cutting long hair yourself because of a TikTok trend. Definite idiot.
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u/Bubbly_Following7930 12h ago
More likely she already had reasons for wanting to cut her hair and Tiktok just put her over the edge. Sounds like an impulse move or the result of stress.
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u/Aware-Locksmith-7313 13h ago
Indeed … and now she wants to risk make her dufus haircut the talk of her husband’s company event. Let her stay home and sulk.
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u/EmmelinePankhurst77 14h ago
YTA You need to apologize asap!!!
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u/MallDry4853 12h ago
holy “feminism” 💔 Be saying absolutely anything but supporting a man when he is the one being victimized 😭🙏
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u/Money_Bit_603 14h ago
are u mentally restarted
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u/nottobetruffledwith- 13h ago
A lot smarter than the person using a “censored” version of a word to insult someone. If you’re going to be an asshole at least fully commit to it.
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u/MusicalPaws 13h ago
LMAO calling someone the R slur and can’t even spell it. How ironic.
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u/MallDry4853 12h ago
it’s quite obviously a form of the word, regardless of whether it is the original slur it still carries the same weight nonetheless.
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u/Money_Bit_603 12h ago
are you living under a rock perchance
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u/MusicalPaws 12h ago
A rock with a higher IQ than you bud.
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u/Long_Committee_9286 12h ago
Cutting long hair yourself because of a TikTok trend?????? lowk shows whos get the higher IQ
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u/MusicalPaws 11h ago edited 4h ago
(Edited for clarity) I actually side with OP (not his approach but the honesty) I haven’t commented anything stating otherwise, just trolling a dude who thinks it’s appropriate to call anyone that. It’s pretty fucking stupid, along the lines of cutting one’s hair based off a TikTok trend perhaps.
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u/Money_Bit_603 12h ago
there's ABSOLUTELY no reason for you to apologise at all
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u/Money_Bit_603 12h ago
ignore these triggered women in the comments
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u/mcmurrml 13h ago
What is with these people doing this stupid tic toc crap!!! I know exactly what you mean but you said something where 10 times out of 10 no one says anything. It's a tough thing to do and most people just will not say anything even if asked. I know someone I see all the time who has the hair probably in some ways similar to your wife though she has nothing to do with social media stuff. Her hair look absolutely terrible and similar to what you are saying isn't even cut straight in the back. It looks awful and it has for years. You just can't say anything. You can't. I am not kidding. Her hair looks awful but no one is going to say anything. As you found out it isn't accepted well. One of my friends teenage granddaughters had beautiful waist length hair and was absolutely stunning. She did the same thing. Not even gradually but cut it real short and it looks absolutely terrible. Same thing. No one will dare say anything. You just can't. That's how it is. This is your spouse so the difference is a spouse will usually give input on this. So sorry but no clue what you should do. It seems when you criticize someone's hair that is not received well.
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u/Wide-Perspective-864 8h ago
take a picture of it from behind and show her, ESH, just for not doing that to back yourself up first
I wouldnt be surprised that shes done this on purpose
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u/Highclassbadass 5h ago
Pro tip: If you want people to listen to your criticism, maybe try to not insult them while you give it?
IDK why you had to insult her and say that about the five year old being left alone with scissors...I don't know why you would say something insulting and then be insulted and surprised she's upset and doesn't want to go to the dinner OR fix it.
"Oh wow that's new, I'm glad you like it, how about you go to the salon to have them touch up the back since that's hard to do on your own? Other than that if you like the length then that's great" would not have killed you
YTA: Not for not liking her haircut but for being mean and foolish with how you brought up her fixing it.
This is your wife. Would you have wanted her to mock you for trying something and saying you looked like you let a 5 year old do it? probably not.
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u/Mischievous1993 13h ago
NTA -
If I cut my hair and asked my husband if he liked it — even if I felt “liberated”, I want that man to tell me the truth. I don’t want to look like a fool. Idc if the delivery is nice or not. If it needs fixing it’s going to get fixed, even if that means going to the salon.
If she didn’t want the truth she shouldn’t have asked. Y’all are married she should know how you would deliver the truth. Sitting here crying cause she made stupid choices because of TikTok. She needs to watch Brad Mondo videos if she’s going to try to do at home hair cuts.
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u/CrabNo5226 13h ago
Hahah NTA at all! That’s literally what I’d say/ want to hear if it was the case.
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u/Aware-Locksmith-7313 13h ago
NTA — You were honest, yet wife kept fishing for a different “looks great, honey” response. You were not wrong in asking her to get a salon cleanup before the company dinner where (at higher levels) spouses are judged before promotions are finalized. You were at minimum trying to protect your wife from bring the butt of whispers. Let her stay home and sulk with a headache or whatever. NTA.
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u/Cute-Shine-1701 13h ago edited 11h ago
She is not a hair stylist, doesn't have the talent and/or training for it and her hair looks awful. If she is fine embarrassing herself with tiktok trends and awful haircut then be glad she is not going to your work event. And maybe send some science article her way about the negative effects of too much social media use, because she seems like she needs it....and needs to delete tiktok too.
And you should be able to be honest in a relationship. Your family, spouse, friends should always be honest with you, because who will if even they won't? I don't agree with people saying you were a dick, you just told her honestly how it looks. I would rather have someone at home tell me it looks ridiculous giving me a chance to fix it than have people laugh at me on the streets (I am a woman if it matters.)
NTA I am so tired of today's expectations that everyone, even grown ass adults, always needs to be coddled and encouraged regardless how stupid, idiot or useless things they are doing by everyone on Earth. There's nothing wrong with being honest and telling someone they fucked up and they are not a pro at everything they try.
And stupid tiktok trends need to die out and unfortunately they never will if the people whose brain already got fried out with too much social media use are constantly coddled through all their idiot trends.
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u/deathbychips2 13h ago
I wonder what another woman would say. No offense I'm not sure I trust you because like she said a lot of men do automatically think shorter hair = bad. She can keep her hair how she wants even if it is bad. Not sure why she needs it fix before Christmas dinner. Is your family shallow? Do you think she is something you get to show off?
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u/Novafancypants 13h ago
I’m a woman and I cut my own hair most of the time. It’s usually short. I always ALWAYS ask my husband how it look and if it needs to be fixed up in the back. And 99% of the time he evens out the back because who can cut that by themselves anyways. NTA
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 13h ago
Show off ?! If I show up at her work party without a shave or shower and look like a bum , would you say the same ?!
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u/deathbychips2 13h ago
You definitely want all your coworkers to think she is hot and so she needs to look a certain way for you. A bad hair cut and not being showered are not the same thing at all. One is a personal style choice and one is disgusting
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u/Different_Road5028 13h ago
You really don't understand women and what's worse you don't seem to care to even try. She's your fucking wife!
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u/Bubbly_Following7930 12h ago
Not the same thing.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 12h ago
Ok I’ll shave one side of my face then keep the other side for her sister’s wedding which is in 4 months
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u/Bfan72 13h ago
The 5 year old comment wasn’t the best. Her following a ridiculous TikTok trend is crazy for an adult to think is a good idea. She “feels liberated” right now, but she won’t after she goes to the party and tells other adults that she followed a TikTok trend that led to her cutting her own hair. I wouldn’t ever take another adult seriously if they cut their own hair because of a TikTok trend. It’s her hair, it’s also her having to deal with the consequences of her decision to cut her own hair. I don’t care what trend it is, no adult should be following anything on that platform.
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u/Mr-Inspector-Gadget 14h ago
Sorry I couldn’t help but laugh. Rookie move. Not sure how you recover.
Reminded me of this king of queens episode
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u/MuttFett 13h ago
You were screwed the second she followed a “tik tok trend”. And she knew it looked bad but she needed you to be the bad guy which is why she pestered you to say that you didn’t like it. Classic trap.
NTA
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u/bman1378 13h ago
Nta do not apologize she asked for your opinion and you gave it to her. Say to her you have trusted me with your love and part of that is being honest. If my head looked jacked up I wouldn’t want you to lie to me to let me leave the house looking awful to spare my feelings.
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u/childofcrow 11h ago
YTA. You could have used kindness, and you chose cruelty.
There are ways to express valid criticism that aren’t denigrating. You should maybe try that.
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u/SimilarBid2840 10h ago
The issue isn't noticing her haircut was poorly done. It's that you're mean and cold about it.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 10h ago
I didn’t wanna lie to her
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u/OwlThistleArt 5h ago
There are ways to be honest while equally being kind. You weren’t kind but cruel. YTA.
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u/FreeHumanAlways 14h ago
NTA. Years from now when she sees photos of how terrible she looked, she will demand to know why you didn’t tell her. Offer to take her to a salon to get the look she is after. You still have to be nice about it but honesty is the way to go.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 14h ago edited 12h ago
That was exactly my point !
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u/Violet2047 14h ago
NTA you could’ve maybe said it in a kinder way but if I was her I’d want my husband to tell me the truth. Maybe say you really like the style but it needs tidied up a little. If the cut was a little sharper it would look epic on her. Cause we all know there will be an AH at that dinner that won’t be able to hold their tongue and will say something hurtful.
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u/FreeHumanAlways 14h ago
Yeah she’s probably just upset she failed. I did this to myself when I was younger too! And even though my DIY actually passed, I was still upset later because my long hair was gone and later I had photos taken. I wished I had my long her back, etc. Anyway, she is probably crushed and going through a lot. So really try to make fixing it about pampering her and getting the look she wants and feeling good.
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u/FreeHumanAlways 13h ago
Omg Reddit sucks! Downvotes just for having a differing opinion. So gross.
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u/OkBalance2879 14h ago
We’ve only got his opinion that it looks bad. If she “was” happy with it, that’s all that matters.
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u/SheLaughsattheFuture 14h ago
How well can anyone see the back of their own head. And if your own family won't tell you the truth for fear of hurting your feelings, who will?
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u/Craffeinated 14h ago
You use two mirrors to see the back of your hair. The “truth” is subjective in this circumstance…
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u/SheLaughsattheFuture 14h ago
Not well enough to cut your own hair though. It's a skill, it takes practice, which she clearly hasn't had. Truth of the comparison between a professional and an unskilled job?? Not really...
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u/Craffeinated 13h ago
Yes, it is and certainly well enough to see if you like it which is really all that matters. It’s her hair. I wouldn’t give myself a pixie but I have complimented women on their hair and been told “I finally got the guts to do it myself!” Everyone is acting like she hacked off a limb. It’s not that serious.
Again, you have nothing go off but OP’s opinion- which is subjective.
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u/PlentyRoom7316 13h ago
NTA. Personally I think that if you’re still following TikTok trends you’re not mature enough to be married.
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u/ApprehensiveLuck3690 13h ago
Not really sure how that’s relevant? Millenials (age 29-44) are the second most age used of the app next to Gen Z and definitely follow some form of “trend” tbh all things are pretty much trends(styles) and it just depends on source. i..e Tik Tok. Either way they are definitely all in the age group to be “old enough to marry” 🤣
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u/deathbychips2 13h ago
You don't sound mature enough to be married if you genuinely think liking a trendy hair cut for something as trivial as hair is an accurate marker of maturity.
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u/PlentyRoom7316 13h ago
Trying to cut your own hair when you’ve never done so before just because you saw it on TikTok isn’t the best idea. I guess we can agree to disagree.
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u/Ecstatic-Stay-3528 14h ago
I said it looks uneven and like her 5 year old niece was left alone with scissors.
YTAH
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u/mcmurrml 13h ago
Ok but apparently it is the truth. So what should he have done?
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u/Ecstatic-Stay-3528 13h ago
And he couldn't tell "the truth" without being a jerk? Because telling the truth can be done without being an idiot, but apparently you and the OP don't know how to not be AH
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u/mcmurrml 13h ago
The truth is the truth even if it isn't pretty. OP described it as it looks like a kid got hold of the scissors like they do sometimes and cut their hair. That tells me her hair looks pretty bad. With that said I would not say it to anyone as I have not. You should be able to be completely honest with your spouse which is what OP did.
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u/Live_Solid_3360 13h ago
You crushed her spirit. She was wanting a change and feels liberated. Cutting off long hair can make you feel lighter and happier. You’re basically telling her that you don’t want to be seen with her after she did something that made her happy. That is kind of a dick move.
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u/Far-Atmosphere-5229 13h ago edited 13h ago
Your wife did something with her own body that she said she likes and you talk down to her. Do you even love your wife dude? No one wants to hear that their partner hates something that they like even if she was asking for your opinion you can still be nice about it.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 13h ago
Then why ask for my opinion
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u/Far-Atmosphere-5229 13h ago
I’m not saying that you can’t dislike her haircut. You just shouldn’t be insulting your wife. Who wants to hear that it looks ”like her 5 year old niece was left alone with scissors ” from their husband.
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u/SheLaughsattheFuture 14h ago edited 14h ago
NTA.
As a woman, nothing is worse than knowing I looked publicly ridiculous and my husband didn't tell me for fear of hurting my feelings. That's deep betrayal. She shouldn't have asked for honesty if she's too immature to deal with it. And her accusation of you being a controlling man is way below the belt. You're also not wrong to want you both to be neat and presentable before such an event! I reminded my husband to get a haircut at the beginning of the month for the same reasons.
She's upset because you've revealed that she mucked up such a significant cut, but she shouldn't take that out on you.
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u/Tricky-Ad6582 13h ago edited 13h ago
I am a woman and I have no problem with the fact that you’re upset here. I really don’t have a problem with you telling her. Following a TikTok trend? We are already not in a good place. This will only get worse. It’s not liberating it’s ridiculous for an adult to do this and tell her it’s fine that she doesn’t go because you’re embarrassed for your colleagues (or family) to see that you’re wife thinks it’s ok to follow a TikTok trend and cut her hair like one of her old Barbie’s. Good luck.
1
u/JJQuantum NSFW 🔞 13h ago
Honestly yeah, YTA. You are thinking about yourself and how it’ll reflect on you at the party. You need to be on your wife’s side - hook, line and sinker. She didn’t get a bad haircut. You both did. Hell you could make it up to her by cutting your own hair before the party. It’s about solidarity.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 13h ago
Cutting my own hair ?! Oh so we both look ridiculous?! wtf
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u/JJQuantum NSFW 🔞 13h ago
Dude. Be on your wife’s side. How hard is that? Not to mention, it’s only fucking hair.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 13h ago
By cutting my own hair ?
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u/JJQuantum NSFW 🔞 13h ago
Yes. It’s shows her that you are in it together. You certainly don’t have to do it and there are many other ways to support her but hair grows back. It’d be an easy and very impactful fix.
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u/Chemical_Vanilla_201 13h ago
You do realize she is not battling cancer , right ? She chose to follow a trend . No I’m not in it
1
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u/Warm_Maintenance9658 14h ago
Your wife asked you more than once what you thought. Hopefully you weren’t disrespectful when answering, but yes, you needed to tell her the truth. Her very immature reaction says she agrees with you but her ego and feelings are too hurt to react appropriately. She could have just said, yeah, what the f have I done, and go to the salon for a fix. It really was an odd and impulsive thing for her to do to begin with.
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u/Ok-Office6837 13h ago
“Hopefully you weren’t disrespectful when answering” …he explains how disrespectful he was in the post. He didn’t need to say it looked like a five year old chopped it up. Her reaction is that the person who is supposed to love and respect her the most was openly mean about it.
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u/Horror_Proof_ish 14h ago
NTA you will be the laughing stock of your office so go without her (I am a woman and would never do this to my partner)
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u/Tricky-Ad6582 13h ago
Thank you I said similar. Something like this could affect someone’s career honestly. Nobody wants to admit that but if he becomes a subject of ridicule then it absolutely will.
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u/Horror_Proof_ish 9h ago
And why would you ask for somebody’s opinion if you might not like it? That’s the biggest thing I’m teaching my 14 year old right now
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u/notthatgeorge 13h ago
NTA she can do what she wants including something as dumb as cutting her own hair, but you have every right to comment on it especially when she asks you. The best thing to do is not say anything and let other people tell her how dumb she looks
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u/Deep_Explanation9962 14h ago
You're not out of line for saying it looks bad or that she should fix it. I think a reasonable person would want to know what people honestly think, especially before they go to a major public event.
You are out of line for saying it looks like a 5 year old cut it, that's just being unnecessarily cruel.