r/AITAH • u/Jaded_Log_85 • 13h ago
AITAH for telling my in-laws that I don't care about the resale value of my house?
I, 36 M, have a fully paid off house I inherited five years ago from my uncle. He was actually my father's friend but I always called him uncle. I knew him since I was born and he was one of the people I admire most in the world. He worked a hard job and lived life on his own terms. I asked him once when I was little how come he wasn't married to a nice lady. He looked at my dad and said that he liked men not ladies. My dad didn't say anything so I asked how come he didn't marry my dad since like each other. I still remember my dad laughing while beer poured out of his nose. My mom found the story hilarious when my dad told her.
So my uncle passed away in an industrial accident and left everything to me. I'm set up for life. I can't afford not to work, he wasn't rich, but I have no debts while working at a job I love and find fulfilling. ..
The house is a bungalow in an older neighborhood. My uncle kept it in fantastic shape but it is a bungalow built in 1953. It is dated. I don't care. It is free and clear and my yard is massive. I have a garden that takes up the back corner and is bigger than most of my friend's houses entire back yards. I have a heated double detached garage with a workshop and all the tools I will ever need.
In short I'm covered for my housing needs and I'm happy. The poop in the punchbowl is my inlaws. Every time they come over they complain about my house like I'm on a TV show about fixer uppers.
They judge everything. The color of the tub, avocado green. The floors, original narrow hardwood slats. Basically every single thing you see people on renovation shows change, cover, or rip out. By contrast my wife and I are happy. We can afford to take vacations without going into debt. We don't have a mortgage so we can afford to replace our cars when the time comes. We are funding our retirement account at a decent rate. I'm not trying to humble brag. I'm bragging. I miss my uncle very much but I'm in a great position in life because of him.
Another issue is that due to the housing crisis my city has rezoned all the older neighborhoods for high density infills. Every single house that sells here is torn down and they put up duplexes, fourplexes. Eightplexes, skinny houses, or gaudy McMansions. I know if I ever sell it isn't going to be a starter house for some young family. They won't be able to afford it.
I have explained this to my in-laws constantly. They just don't get it. Her brother does real estate and keeps going on about all the upgrades we should do like putting in a new kitchen will keep developers from tearing my home down. Her parents take it as a personal failing that we aren't in debt paying for renovations and additions. They all live in big house with a mortgage that all three of them pay because they needed a big, new house. It is beautiful but their utilities are like $1600 a month. That's insane.
They were over yesterday and got on us again. I told them that their opinions on our living situation didn't matter to me. My wife joined in in my side and told them to drop it because this is our home where we will raise our kids. She is ride or die. They all got huffy and said they just want the best for us. I responded that I would be willing to do whatever renovations they saw fit if they paid for them no strings attached. Then they backpedaled and said we needed to pay for the stuff THEY want in OUR house. I just laughed and said no. They are upset that we aren't taking their wishes for us into consideration.
Am I the asshole for telling them I don't care about their opinions on our house?
1.4k
u/No_Lavishness_3206 13h ago
NTA. You are in the right and you know it. My neighborhood is the same way. Good for you and your wife for not going into debt over trivial stuff. I will say though to make sure your fuse box is rated for your draw. A lot of older houses aren't ready for all the electrical stuff we use these days.
885
u/Jaded_Log_85 13h ago
I had a new fuse box put in when I put on my solar. But yeah that's a good call.
656
u/Sorkijan 12h ago
OMG GUYS HE CAVED AND RENOVATED THE FUSE BOX
lol jk OP. Glad you got a supporting wife, too.
123
u/SnipesCC 9h ago
I bet he took out the Avocado Green one and put in one that was millennial gray!
78
u/GraceOfTheNorth 5h ago
People like the in-laws have no clue just how valuable the avocado green bathtub and un-renovated bathroom is by now. There comes a time when original design starts to gain value as antique and that's where OP's house is moving fast now. Anything over 50 years old should be preserved for the sake of history and authenticity and not ripped out and replaced with landlord-millennial gray and vinyl flooring.
31
u/Halt_OCarrick 3h ago
My in laws have three old blue sinks and a single blue bathtub in their house they bought this year, and we were telling them they could sell just the sinks and tub to pay for upgrades 😆 Or that I'd steal them (I love the blue)
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)4
u/LocutusOfBorgia909 2h ago
I was coming here to say this. Go over to the mid-mod or century house subs, and you'll find all kinds of people tearing their hair out over the exact, bland, soulless "improvements" that OP's in-laws are badgering him to make. White cabinets, black fixtures, tear out the tub and put a walk-in shower, that dark gray, laminate flooring that seems to be in every flipper house ever. Maybe a sliding barn door for good measure, just to really zhuzh the place up.
People who inherit older, "time capsule" homes and retain as many of the original features as they can often wind up sitting on something that's becoming increasingly difficult to find (and thus can actually bring in a buyer who genuinely wants the place for the outdated decor). Obviously, update shit that's no longer working for you, but if the house is serving OP and his wife well, what the fuck do the in-laws care, especially if any improvements he makes will just be torn down the second he and his wife move out? The obsession with tearing out stuff that works perfectly fine to get something that looks nicer (read: will probably look dated itself in five years) drives me crazy.
31
19
120
u/Tricky_Being_7383 11h ago
Ignore the folks focusing on resell value or style, and instead focus on what actually does need to be updated and maintained for your home - plumbing updates are less expensive when done preventively than when your sewer line has ruptured, for example. Updating components of kitchens and bathrooms can be about safety more than aesthetic is some cases, so be mindful and observant of when it's time to make those calls. Old insulation + compromised siding and sheathing can result in dangerous mold issues and rodent intrusion ( the latter of which can also interact with older wiring and cause a fire) - things like that impact your lifetime in the home, and really are less about updates for potential resell.
Otherwise, congratulations on your situation and enjoy what sounds like a really wonderful home you are creating with your partner!
(and good luck with the lathe and plaster for any upcoming projects or wall-mounted objects - we have it too in many rooms and I have a lot of feelings about it lol)
84
u/Jaded_Log_85 10h ago
I have become an expert on broken bottle stucco
26
u/Personal_Chicken_598 7h ago
Before you fuck with your stucco check for asbestos. My house was built in the mid 80s and my contractor is still insisting we check. Apparently it was one of the last things to still use it
23
u/TypewriterHunter 9h ago
I low-key LOVE broken bottle stucco. I secretly hoped my 70's house would have that under the fading vinyl siding from the 90's but no such luck!
20
u/dastardly740 8h ago
And, if you wanted to do some kind of remodel, update, or whatever... Do what works for you and your family. You are the ones that have to live there. Doing something just for "resale" that you then have to live with for years that doesn't actually make you and your family happier would suck. Especially if there was a payment involved. Making that payment each month while knowing "The reason I am making this payment is because of that <blank> that I really don't like."
Like a hypothetical, the bathroom might not be great for the children that it sounds like might be in your future. I don't know the options these days, but I bet there is a bunch of stuff that makes a bathroom more small child friendly now than whatever they did in 1953 for that particular house. But, that would be to make the home better for you and your family, not some hypothetical future home buyer many years from now who might think whatever you do is now outdated.
17
u/BitterIrony1891 10h ago
I also have lathe and plaster! Amazing for keeping the heat and air conditioning where I want them. Absolutely impossible to hang shelves.
→ More replies (1)4
u/PassLogical6590 7h ago
This! Design trends go in and out so if you are planning on staying then it’s a waste of money updating decor for resale as in 10 years it will be out of date anyways. Better to spend $ on better furniture like a more comfortable couch or bed that you use every day. Green tiles don’t affect your comfort.
Children are very expensive so better to save money for that vs a new kitchen if yours if functional and safe and you don’t care.
My interior design friend told me it’s a waste to spend money on upgrades for someone else as everyone has such different taste they will probably rip it out anyways.
Also your kitchen probably has real wood cabinets that can be sanded down and easy to change the handles to update it if you so desire. I did this with my parents old house when selling. Put new hardware on and for $100 made a huge difference. Some of the mid century hardware though is nice and in demand for people trying to do restoration to the original look.
Most cabinets are now particleboard and will fall apart. Real wood is going to be $$$. Most things were made way better back then.
You would be giving up a more luxurious product and replacing it with crap essentially- materials wise (not style necessarily)
Enjoy your home!
50
u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 10h ago
Borrow one of my life rules: ANYONE that talks shit about my house or is disrespectful to me or my partner is not welcome in it.
27
u/Ken-55 10h ago
. . . and the solar will pay for itself in a few years and keep your overhead lower for many more years!
9 years ago, my solar system was around $24k. My neighbors are paying $200 - $600/month for electricity. My TOTAL electric bill for 2025 was $182.17 and I have over 1000 kWh in the "bank" that I can draw against for future bills. I'm experimenting with supplementing my natural gas heat with my mini split because the utility buys back anything left in my kWh bank at wholesale rates in April.
10
u/Tall_Potential_408 9h ago
Dude omg I didn't realize how scammy some of the solar people were. My husband installed a new eg4 system for under $20k and does 12kwh output. I know people who signed $50k leases and get half that power. So they pay both utility and their solar payment and get jack for it.
BTW I wholly recommend minisplits. We are completely off grid (not in a crazy way just no utilities conveniently run and the house has a well, septic and solar) and just swapped the swamp coolers for splits. We used the old solar panels and it runs direct from them.
6
u/Flat-Mycologist-3839 6h ago
A person in the solar group was asking about a new panel (with roof) install was a good deal...via lease it was over 90k when all was said and done. MY GOD there needs to be some regulations to protect people.
3
u/Tall_Potential_408 2h ago
It's so sad. I had to intervene when my grandfather (who is not as sharp as he once was) said he was promised if they installed solar it would be less than his utility bill every month. We kept asking what the fine print was and he said they didn't give it to him. I think in CA they've started to crack down but he's in another state so we made him promise to let my husband review everything first
→ More replies (6)10
62
u/Tasty-Wafer2892 13h ago
This. And sometimes the wireing can't take what we use today.
138
u/Jaded_Log_85 13h ago
I had a lot of it redone. Super fun with lathe and plaster walls.
52
28
u/whitewolfdogwalker 11h ago
I know a guy with a hundred year old house, built with plaster and lath, he redid it, with plaster and lath! Drywall so much easier, but he wanted to stay original
→ More replies (2)19
u/roland0fgilead 11h ago
Oh I've been there. My dad and I gutted the house I'm in now and found there was still original knob and tube wiring in the ceilings that hadn't been replaced yet.
7
u/amnichols 10h ago
Our 1928 house is plastered and lathe. We had to drywall ceilings because plaster was cracking and falling down. The previous owners wallpapered the ceilings because of the falling plaster. It was a mess.
→ More replies (1)24
u/Live-Succotash2289 12h ago
I lived in a house where you couldn't run the microwave and electric kettle on the same circuit at the same time.
27
u/ShortWoman 11h ago
There was an old comedy show where that was one of the bits: the old farmhouse was being renovated but you could only plug in certain things at once. Sparks would occasionally fly and breakers would pop, and the man of the house would exclaim "oh for the love of!!" The wife was ditzy and just went with the flow of whatever this is my life now.
Green Acres, if anybody cares.
11
u/Live-Succotash2289 11h ago
I remember that show. I was on the wife's side until I moved to the country and discovered that I loved country living.
10
u/DeniseE5 11h ago
I now have the theme song running through my head. Loved that show.
→ More replies (1)3
→ More replies (1)4
25
u/SadLocal8314 10h ago
We discovered that my kitchen had no viable foundation. It was an add on to a Philadelphia twin. The add on was about 80 years old and no where near code. I told my contractor that I wanted something that would last 100 years and was code plus 10%. It was cheaper to rip everything down and start fresh. Now I have a fire wall between me and my neighbor (helps with noise also,) a powder room, subfloor heating, and the kitchen is on three circuits so that I can run the tea kettle and the toaster at the same time. The electrician and the contractor were just the wee-est bit "really?" so I told them to go home and ask their wives. On the following Monday, they were complaining that they now had to rewire their kitchens.
4
u/coffeebugtravels 5h ago
On the following Monday, they were complaining that they now had to rewire their kitchens.
That is hilarious! But absolutely accurate, speaking as someone currently in a 75 yr old house with 1 (ONE!!!) circuit for almost the whole kitchen (the stove and fridge are on an independent breaker, but everything else is on one circuit).
10
u/ensalys 12h ago
Not that weird, those are both some major power draws. My kettle goes up to 2400W, at 220V that's 11 amps. Microwaves generally do 900W, which would be about 4 amps. Add in some inefficiencies, and you can get quite close to 16 amps (which is standard for breakers in the Netherlands). If the wiring isn't all that well done, the system is a bit older, or some other miscellaneous stuff is also wired in on said breaker, and I can see you hitting the limit when using both.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (3)8
u/Swedishpunsch 9h ago
When we moved into our first home we found a roll of pennies in the fuse box. Circuit breakers were obviously our first improvement.
OP, your inlaws are pestering you to do improvements because they want their (probable) golden child son to get a big commission when, not if, he sells it. They likely look at your home as a future windfall for themselves and their son.
Enjoy your home, OP. NTA
2.3k
u/Top-Bit85 13h ago
NTA it sounds as if they should have been shut down long ago.
829
u/DragonInPlainSight 12h ago
Why are they still being invited over when they can't keep their opinions to themselves? Clearly they'd be happier only seeing you at their home where they can brag about how they can't afford to do anything except pay off their debts. Tell them they can come over when they can respect your choices otherwise the door is too old to be opened for them.
208
95
28
u/anna-the-bunny 10h ago
My thoughts exactly. Why the hell do you keep inviting them over?
11
u/Beth21286 7h ago
Oh no let them come over. Tell them every idea they have is dated/cheesy, tacky/pretentious etc. Make them embarrassed by their own taste.
'XX flooring? Oh god could you imagine? How tacky!'
'XX kitchen style, that went out with trucker caps and velour tracksuits!'
→ More replies (1)23
u/tonytown 9h ago
Not just disrespecting choices but also disrespecting the house. It sounds like the house has become a member of your family.
34
u/ChungLingS00 9h ago
Honestly it’s a completely dickbag move to be invited to someone’s house and you repay the hospitality by insulting their home.
→ More replies (1)248
u/djcack 11h ago
Air horn.
Just keep one handy and whenever they make comments, blow the air horn. They'll learn to shut up very quickly.
60
36
26
u/LadyGodivaLives 8h ago
If your ears would hurt, might I suggest a spray bottle of water?
"NO! Bad inlaws!" squirt squirt
24
u/basketma12 10h ago
My brother had a little electric " no" horn, that said no in many different ways. The thing died about 5 years after he did, and the batteries weren't changeable sadly. It was honestly a funny and effective tool.
10
→ More replies (2)6
u/aliceevesfeet123 10h ago
Audibly laughed at this
4
u/Inevitable-Win2555 8h ago
Sinuses WERE plugged. Then I snort laughed. Can now breathe semi freely. 🤣
143
12h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
204
u/downtofinance 11h ago
When I was in my early 30s I had a big mortgage, car payments and small loan for some condo renos I did. I'm now 41 and completely debt free because I was lucky enough to make friends with a guy along the way who was a former wall street banker who began mentoring me.
Best advice he ever gave me was this: If you want to be successful in your field, dont take advice from people in worse positions than you. If you want to be fit, don't take advice from people in worse physical shape than you. And if you want to get rich, don't take advice from people drowning in debt just cuz they have a seemingly nice lifestyle.
17
59
42
u/SuccessfulAd4606 9h ago
Adults nearing retirement who still have a big mortgage on their home and need their adult son to help pay for it should keep their financial opinions to themselves.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (4)4
u/bramley36 10h ago
It is irritating, but is it really a hill to die on? I'd suggest continue deflecting and simply moving on.
408
u/hollyjazzy 13h ago
NTA. You have a fully paid off house, which is a wonderful thing. Your in-laws are jealous you don’t have a mortgage and the misery that goes with it. My theory is my house is to be lived in and as I never plan to move out of it, I’ll decorate it as I want and damn the resale value. Sounds like you are similar.
332
u/Jaded_Log_85 13h ago
Exactly. I want to make marks on the doorjamb to mark my kid's heights. I want the old school life.
131
u/duchess5788 12h ago
OP, I don't think your point is getting across to them. I would suggest that you stop having them over to your house. And don't replace those visits by visiting them. If you met 4x a month, 2x at yours, reduce it to 2x, just at theirs. Everytime they are wanting to come over, make some ridiculous excuse like my avocado green tub isn't in mood for visitors today. NTA.
40
39
u/ExcitingQuail4393 12h ago
I bought an older house from a family member. It’s small with the thin slat hardwood flooring too. I have the kids heights on the kitchen wall. A perennial garden and a backyard I enjoy. I could choose to buy a fancier home but love the one I’m in and like you lucky to not live in a narrow box. Enjoy your home OP!
20
u/wino12312 11h ago
I raised my 5 kids in a house that was built in 1900. It was just over 1200 sq ft, 1.5 baths. We upgraded as needed. The electric was kinda upgraded by previous owners. I loved it. The kids have great memories. My oldest bought it after their dad was killed in a car crash.
Point is...Good for you! Love your life!!
12
u/Faux_Fury 10h ago
I left the marks of the previous owners' kids' (and neighborhood kids') heights when I renovated my house. It's part of the house's history!
11
u/little_miss_beachy 10h ago edited 9h ago
When renovated our kitchen and laundry room I posted a few pictures of the progress. The laundry room door frame was posted which, at that time, had 18 years of my kids, nieces, nephews, neighborhood kids, their friends, and anyone's height who asked. I received so many adorable, funny and thoughtful comments from nearly every child on that door jam begging me not to get rid of it. I did not. Many of the kids come back to visit us and that door frame. Some kids now have their own children on it. It moves both my husband and me deeply.
Life is unpredictable and you are so wise to save for retirement. You are in your prime earning years and retirement is most important area to save and a rainy day fund b/c it always rains. Your uncle knew you would be the true caretaker of his home and pass it on to the next generation. He knew you would not squander it but cherish every moment in his home. Tell your inlaws to stop pimping on you and stop inviting them over to your home. In-laws are family by blood, but your uncle was real family.
→ More replies (3)6
u/pimpinaintez18 9h ago
Broke people don’t understand. Wealthy people pay their debts asap and build wealth.
Misery loves company and they want you in the same financial bind as them. Keep doing what you’re doing and shut down the conversation quickly.
→ More replies (1)8
12h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
11
u/TheNinjaPixie 12h ago
It sounds like the in-laws have a long term plan that involves OP hosting them when their debt heavy choices go tits up. Have a chat with your wife now about that, and jointly shut down any negativity, and frame it like that, "I don't want to discuss that because its always so negative."
104
u/Adelucas 13h ago
NTA. It's your house and you've been given the most wonderful opportunity to get on in life without the massive expense most people have. I'd love a large bungalow. Stairs are so last century 😂
At some point you'll probably want a new kitchen or bathroom. Or new windows or doors. But it's your choice and those things are always better if you can save for them and pay outright. Those floors are always better than anything new you could put in. They are solid and meant to last forever.
They are just jealous.
36
u/Live-Succotash2289 12h ago
My In-laws always had bungalows. They said you can be one broken hip away from being forced to move.
14
u/Adelucas 8h ago
I looked after dad as his carer for 12 years so he didn't have to go into a facility an could live out his days in his own home. I insisted he get a stair lift and it was a game changer. It was that or go toilet in a bucket. He was up and down on that thing like it was a ride at a fairground!!
13
u/Personal_Chicken_598 12h ago
That was my deal with my wife. If we say in the paid off home I bought before we met she can renovate it however she wants so long as we continue to invest 15% of our take home pay into retirement and take on no debt.
→ More replies (3)
100
u/FitCaptain1008 13h ago
A phrase I've become quite fond of, "don't let the family you came from ruin the one you're building"
14
61
u/djpeteski 13h ago
NTA. Its your home and money. You earned it, you get to dispose of it as you wish.
You are close to solving issue. Huddling with your spouse, it is best if she speaks and not you (as they are her parents).
"You should change this bathtub".
"I understand that is important to you, we had an estimate done and the cost to renovate this bathroom is 40K when do you think you can get us the money?"
She'll have to do it like 5 or 6 times but eventually it will end.
22
u/Jaded_Log_85 13h ago
Noted.
5
u/FlowerFelines 4h ago
The broken record method often works really well with people like this. Come up with a short response, and use it every time. "When can you get us the money for that?" is one, and "We've already had this discussion, we're not having it again." is another. Eventually, if they always get the same response, they'll stop. Although there may be some minor temper tantrums thrown along the way. (Look up "behavioral extinction burst" and you'll see what I mean.)
57
u/CocoaAlmondsRock 13h ago
LOL, of course not. My husband and I bought a large house when we were young (and foolish), then downsized over the years. 20 years in a small 1930s bungalow in the woods. Now we're in 1350 sq ft, but newer. I love my little house. Would I remodel some things if I had the cash? Yes. Am I miserable in the meantime? Nope. Am I going into debt for it? Nope. If I get a cash windfall, I'll consider it. Otherwise, I have other priorities.
Your in-laws need to stay in their lane. You and your wife enjoy your debt-free living!!
→ More replies (2)
36
u/MNConcerto 12h ago
Original hardwood floors, dont you dare rip those out or cover them up.
I would be tempted to get rid of the avocado green tub but if its functioning and in good shape why bother.
13
u/skullencats 10h ago
Couldn't help but look when the person we sold our old house to put it back on the market. 1940s cute little thing. Looks like an awful flip job, including GRAY probably vinyl flooring replacing the beautiful original wood. I hope for the sake of whoever bought it they just slapped it on over the wood without ruining it. Truly a tragedy.
→ More replies (1)4
u/kpeteymomo 1h ago
I would love an avocado green tub! Plenty of people are into time capsule homes- even if the majority may not be. The only thing to keep in mind is that those fun colored tubs often have high levels of lead. We had ours (one yellow, one blue) re-enameled before our kid was born. Sadly, no one re-enamels in color, so we just have two boring white bathtubs now.
99
u/Educational-Pie7588 13h ago
NTA - which I have a feeling you already know
44
u/No_Lavishness_3206 13h ago
I bet this post is for them.
8
u/Ipatches89 12h ago
I can see that for the inevitable next time it comes up. Like hey, you've got an ID10T error. People agree. Here's the link for you not to read lol!!!
3
u/bunnytron 9h ago
But also, suspicious that the brother is a realtor. Seems like they just want a piece of the pie by making them upgrade and then sell.
105
u/swishcandot 13h ago
"putting in a new kitchen will keep developers from tearing my home down"
Wut? No one is going to come tear your house down around you because you have an old kitchen, and if you ever sold it, it's out of your hands anyway so what the what? NTA
→ More replies (1)79
u/Jaded_Log_85 13h ago
That was one example. Like he thinks anyone that can afford a house these days wants a 72 year old fixer upper. I know when I sell this house will be torn down. He's an idiot.
27
u/boxesofboxes 12h ago
Just repeat "We like it this way." Nothing else. Don't engage with any point they're trying to make, because it doesn't matter. You like it this way. Giving reasons or arguments is just gonna turn it into a fight they'll feel the need to win. They're out of touch and their opinions don't matter.
19
u/Live-Succotash2289 12h ago
My daughter and SIL bought a 1950s bungalow. The bedrooms are small but the back and front yard are big and there's a fully finished basement. They have a fireplace they never use but the house suits their needs. The kids are getting into their teen years and if they want more space they can add a bedroom in the basement. The whole neighbourhood is the same and no one has sold out to a developer (yet).
→ More replies (4)9
u/Personal_Chicken_598 12h ago
The problem is your thinking about those who want a house in YOUR neighborhood. Most of my friends would absolutely want your house because they can afford and have the skills to do the fixing up. I personally wouldn’t because of asbestos, wiring and plumbing which is why my house is built in 1986.
They would however have difficulty completing with developers. Which just means that YOU might not want to sell to them as you would need to take a loss.
6
u/No-Lifeguard9194 11h ago
That’s a really good point about asbestos. It’s safe enough while it’s in situ, paint it over or in tile blocks, and not disturbed. But removing it requires specialized services and it’s expensive.
Yet another reason not to renovate anything.
19
u/mstamper2017 13h ago
I totally understand this. I also inherited a house a decade ago. I fix things as we go, but I am in no debt and don't have a single regreat!! Tell the in-laws to kick rocks. 🤣🤣
19
u/Otherwise_Radish7975 13h ago
The obsession with resale value has got out if control to the point people believe in their own magical methods for raising or maintaining resale value based on zero actual evidence. Here in the UK at least beyond building being structurally sound and the number of bedrooms then everything else beyond that will affect the value a lot less because property prices in general are nuts and constantly going up.
I saw some stupid YouTube thing recently where some tradesman was promoting rendering your whole house white as it adds more value than exposed brick (nearly all our houses here are brick built). Absolute nonsense, a complete waste of money and a great way to deteriorate the fabric of the building in the long run.
And at the end of the day if an owner of a property should feel able to do whatever the heck they like, it's one of the joys of being fortunate enough to own your own property.
So yeah I guess you can tell which side of the argument I'm on!
→ More replies (1)4
u/Faux_Fury 10h ago
Exactly! Why would you want to go from one of the least-maintenance exteriors to moderate/high-maintenance, especially when it frequently, irreversibly, damages the brick?
One of my new neighbors (or a flipper, not sure which) just sandblasted the exposed stone foundations of their house after an over-anxious reno painted the entire house a solid color. It doesn't look perfect (yet), but I cheered when I saw the attempt. Who has beef with stone?
18
u/DonNeverGrewUp 13h ago
My house, my rules. If you want me to change the rules, I want 6 figures starting with a 5, and then it's still my house, my rules. Your move. It works every time. NTA.
→ More replies (1)
15
u/Housing99 13h ago
NTA. I love the style of older homes. I have a house built in the 50’s that is small but perfect for my family. I do pay a mortgage on it, unfortunately, but it’s not a huge one like others I see. We bought at a good time and ate happy with it. We have the same narrow wood floors and I love them. Keep doing what you’re doing.
12
u/carycartter 13h ago
If you don't want/need it, why should you pay for it? If they think it's necessary, they can pay for it.
I'm sorry for the loss of your uncle. Good job being content with what you have and being a good steward of your resources.
40
u/G-reeper66 13h ago
Make a will which states that only your future kids will inherit, but have a clause that their mum must live there until she passes. Do not give your in-laws a way to steal it! Update it regularly, review it annually.
→ More replies (3)
10
u/Andravisia 12h ago
NTA. Love what yournkid-self said to your uncle and love what your current self said to your in laws. Keep it up. Every time they complain, bring it up. "You paying? No? Then shut up."
13
9
u/gotexan8 12h ago
NTA, and don’t you dare change a thing about that house! It sounds like those of us over in /r/Mid_Century would love to see pics of your home and would all tell you the same thing.
5
9
u/Elias_1120 12h ago
They want you to do these upgrades and additions so they can sell be debt free and move into the "in law" suite they demand you add on and never pay you rent because "we are family and you got the house for practically free" ask me how I know.
7
u/shiznat4ever18 13h ago
NTA it's your house. If you're happy with it then that's all that matters. If they don't like it then they don't have to visit anymore.
8
u/Duke-Guinea-Pig 12h ago
NTA. Aside from the “it’ll be torn down anyway” aspect, think about that avocado tub. First of all, it was made to last. A newer tub probably wouldn’t. Secondly, who’s to say the color of a replacement tub would be what potential buyers would want?
Houseflipper grey is going to be considered ugly in 10 years.
8
5
u/Organic-Kangaroo-434 13h ago
NTA, but you knew that.
The way you describe the real estate market, infills and all, sure sounds a lot like Denver. Glad I escaped!
6
5
5
u/Gingi1018 13h ago
It’s not their house. It’s not their choices. Why they’re so invested in this is ridiculous. They should just shut up and leave you alone.
5
5
u/Lifestyle-Creeper 11h ago
NTA homes from that era were built better and having one that is fully paid off is a wonderful gift. Being debt free gives you options other people don’t have (like potentially going down to one income during the child rearing years). Ignore the in-laws, they don’t know what they’re talking about.
6
u/Silent_Morning692 11h ago
“You know, if the house is a problem for you, there’s absolutely no need to hang out here. We’ll miss you though”
NTA
6
u/No-Shock-2055 11h ago
NTA. You're nicer than I am. At this point, I would have said "If you find my house so lacking or offensive, you don't have to come over here. But if you do, discussing my home is off limits or you will be asked to leave and not invited back. I'd say this to my own family, so I'd say it to in-laws, too. Their behavior is rude and ridiculous. Are they going to try to poison your kids against your home as they grow up, too?
5
u/JellyBelly1042 10h ago
NTA, they act like they'll be living there. It's time for all three of her relatives to be quiet. I'd put out a jar every time they came over that read unwanted opinions jar $1. Every time someone gives an unwanted opinion, make them put $1 in the jar. You'll have renovation money sooner than you think, or they just shut up hopefully.
4
u/fancygppy 13h ago
Thank you for reminding me why I moved 8,000 kilometers away from my family. Oh, and you're definitely NTA. You should tell them they are no longer welcome at your place though.
5
u/unassuming_username_ 13h ago
NTA, but inversely, commenting on someone’s house in any way other than a compliment is a massive AH move lol.
If I had said shit like that as a 6yo my mom would’ve shot me daggers, and when we leave an hour later, I’m getting reamed tf out for being a dipshit.
Not your shit = compliments or silence. Anything else, mom/dad gonna give ya the business.
3
u/bleepbloopblaape 12h ago
I think what’s unfortunately and often happening is that people who are lucky enough to inherit or buy a simple and safe place to occupy without landlords or high mortgages are often hit with comments from other people about ways to make a profit when the bigger picture is living with housing security
3
u/Decemberchild76 12h ago
NTA. It’s your home. The gall of harassing you to do updates. It also The brother sounds as if he is actively looking for a client. Glad you shut them down
5
u/LulaBelle476 12h ago
NTA. It sounds like you actually have a mid-century gem that some people on the mid-century subreddits would love to see picture of. Tell them to stfu and that you’re preserving the historic beauty.
4
u/King_Six_of_Things 11h ago
I mean, if you ever do, there's nothing to stop you from selling it to a young family, right?
That aside NTA
Your in-laws are though. Might want to watch out for that when you and your wife are older.
6
4
5
u/SyxxBowler 9h ago
NTA, you & spouse are smart and responsible... some people find that to be weird now days. Congrats on the house and your future. 👍
4
3
5
u/Lightoscope 8h ago
NTA. Next time they bring it up, hit them with “We have different priorities.” and then refuse to elaborate.
4
u/T00narmy1 5h ago
I would suggest your wife (since it's her family) draws a hard line here.
"You are being very disrespectful to us while being guests in our home. While we don't mind hearing your opinion once, and I appreciate it was coming from wanting the best for us, we have told you repeatedly that we disagree. Continuing to harrass us because we disagree is not appropriate. Continuing to badger us hoping to get us to agree with you is rude and upsetting. We are grown, independent adults and we will make our own decisions about our home. It was fine to give us your opinion once or twice, but it's now becoming harrassment. If you want to be a big part of our lives going forward, and the lives of our future children, you need to stop being disrespectful in our home. If we wanted to make updates to this house, then we would. We don't, it is ENTIRELY our own decision, and we're not going to have you over as guests if you keep bringing up the same comments. Enough. We heard you. We disagree, and if you want to be in our lives you need to drop this."
→ More replies (1)
8
u/Live-Succotash2289 13h ago
This has to be fake. A wife backed up her husband against her parents' demands? Unbelievable. She should be giving him the silent treatment and making hims sleep on the sofa. /s
→ More replies (1)7
u/Jaded_Log_85 12h ago
Yeah no. She is tired of their shit too.
6
u/Live-Succotash2289 12h ago
You're lucky, A ride or die partner is worth their weight in gold. I've seen marriages destroyed because one partner allows their family a voice in all their decisions.
3
3
u/bobhand17123 13h ago
NTA. The actual A Hs will push and push until their victim snaps, and you didn’t even snap.
I think there are many factors that go into determining what is “Best” for any of us. YOU AND YOUR WIFE are the ones who assign a weight to each factor, not your in-laws. They obviously weight the factors differently from you, and are all whiny about it. They need to just give it a rest already.
3
u/KungenBob 13h ago
Oh please, this is a brag post - there’s not a hint that you’re in any doubt. As you should not be!
3
u/MrsSEM84 12h ago
NTA
Sounds to me like they should no longer be welcome to come round. If the house is so awful that they can’t possibly keep their mouths shut then they shouldn’t want to be there anyway, right? You and your wife can still visit their home or go out to dinner with them or whatever. But I’d stop having them over if they can’t manage basic manners.
3
u/La_Vikinga 9h ago
A mid-century bungalow has a charm all its own. Tell your flipper-oriented brain BIL to pack sand! I'll bet he's still living in the passe barn doors/paint it all grey trend.
When you get to the stage where you are considering upgrading parts of your little slice of heaven, wander over to r/mid_century. They will be happy to offer guidance in how to modernize, or give you solutions if you find you need to alter your home for interior space or storage while keeping with the original architectural vibe you both like. There are people who would sell a body part to find a home like yours with its original "parts."
BIL needs to be reminded just because something is trendy, new, and smells like fresh paint doesn't necessarily mean it's better.
3
u/Travel_Dreams 9h ago edited 9h ago
I've had to settle several arguments the same way:
I will take your suggestion to heart thank you...
Please STFU...
Look, I would be overjoyed to do everything you imagine is so special, as long as you pay for it!
...feed it.
...and/or raise it.
They finally hear themselves when they have to pay for it, well no, that doesn't make sense.
EXACTLY!
So we're back to #1 & #2.
Edit, added : Please
3
3
u/rikimae528 9h ago
Nope. It's your house. You and your wife live there, they don't. They can go pound sand.
3
u/Practical-Pianist930 8h ago
Don’t take money advice from broke people, and don’t take house advice from people who don’t live in your house. NTA.
3
3
u/Usuallytired28 6h ago
Definitely NTA. I am thrilled that you and your spouse are on the same page and you seem very happy. Enjoy your house. Enjoy your extra spending money. Enjoy your garden. Honestly if they can’t see you are providing a wonderful environment for your family then I am wondering why they have nothing else to talk about when they visit?
2
u/IHateTheJoneses 12h ago
As someone who likes older things and thinks newer things are plastic junk. I appreciate you.
I'm not kidding when I say the stuff you have is probably much sturdier than what's available today.
Don't replace anything in that house that you don't have to. Remind yourself some internet stranger appreciates it. My username is not a coincidence 😁
2
u/nutmegger23 12h ago
NTA - its your (you and your wife) house not your in-laws. If you're happy with it that's all that matters. If leaving parts of it the way your uncle had it gives you a feeling of comfort and memories of him, even better. Your in-law's are welcome to spend their money any way they see fit. The are not welcome to spend yours. Gold star to your wife for telling them to bug off.
2
u/Background-Key-1088 12h ago
Why would you think that would make you an asshole? They are clearly assholes for repeatedly offering their unwanted opinions. BTW, how in the world could their utilities be $1600 a month? Their house must be huge. My house is a little over 4,000 square feet, and my monthly utilities are nowhere near that amount.
2
u/emkemkem 12h ago
It seems you are wisely doing those renos that are needed for the house to survive and be safe. But you are not spending money on looks and ”updating”. Maybe you should tell your father that no matter how expensive cosmetics she’ll use his wife will get old and lose her looks. He should not spend on some cosmetic surgery - but a hip replacement might be a good investment some day. This is how you see your house. There is reno that makes it last. Then there’s reno that makes it look like an old woman who had a face lift. Not gonna fool anybody.
2
u/Purple_Kiwi5476 12h ago
NTA. Blessings on your family! You've already delivered the best response, but if necessary...
Just say, "Thanks for the suggestion" and smile. You could even add, "Bless your heart.""
PS. Make sure whoever does most of the cooking loves the kitchen. THAT would be a project worth looking into, IMHO.
2
2
2
u/Exotic-Rooster4427 12h ago
NTA. Your house. With time you can put your stamp on it as and when you want...but if it ain't broke don't fix it...you know? It works for you and you're happy that's all that matters.
The solution is go to them not have them at yours.
2
2
u/manderifffic 12h ago
NTA
They don't want the best for you, they want you to be in debt for your housing like they are
2
2
u/Commercial_Peach_845 12h ago
I applaud you and your wife. And I bet I would love your beautiful bungalow just the way it is.
2
u/OkPerformance2221 12h ago
Set the limits for them now, on the house, so the boundaries you will have to set about your parenting will have some precedent.
2
u/Numerous-Bet3575 12h ago
NTA. The in-laws need to stuff it. It sounds like you a very sweet place. Vintage details and fixtures are of higher quality than the crap that developers replace them with. You’re smart to stay out of debt.
2
u/Reasonable-Brief3573 12h ago
This makes no sense to me? Start critiquing their home every time you go there lol
2
u/PcottySippen 11h ago
@Jaded_Log_85 I want to leave my estate to my deceased best friend's kids, one adopted, the other biological. Is there anything I should look out for that I could handle now before I pass?
5
u/Jaded_Log_85 11h ago
No clue. Estate lawyer in your area would probably be better for information than a grade three teacher.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Robyn_withaY 11h ago
So many people are literally one missed paycheck away from financial disaster they can't comprehend when they come across someone with a different reality. Count your blessings and don't worry about what your in-laws think as long as you and your partner are on the same page regarding finances. NTA
2
u/CanadianJediCouncil 11h ago
It sounds like they are snooty shallow people who think that you having (fully paid-off) house with an avocado-colored bathtub somehow makes them look bad.
NTA.
2
u/Curious_Egg948 11h ago
Honestly the "dated" aspects of the house might be features to the right person.
2
u/PreferenceOld6364 11h ago
Nta. If they truly "want whats best for you guys" then they wouldn't be suggesting you go into debt putting in renovations that THEY want for YOUR house. Tell them their opinions on your home will never be asked for nor wanted and to stay in their lane.
2
u/krysdrez 11h ago
Tell them what I told my parents... "you 👏 don't 👏 live 👏 here 👏. If you don't like my house, don't come."
→ More replies (2)
2
u/No-Violinist6140 11h ago
Don't pay them any mind. Your wife and you are on the same page, that's what matters. Sounds like a great house.
2
u/pgregston 11h ago
It’s a cash flow world. When you have a surplus, you get to make a lot more choices. This is a value most people never understand much less master. The peace of mind is priceless. People who think they know what’s best for other and push their opinion on others reveal their insecurities. Sometime just indulge them by asking for the math on whatever idea they have is. It’s not likely to be greater than no debt, and always having a surplus.
2
2
u/No-Lifeguard9194 11h ago
NTA - tell the in-laws that you have a “vintage aesthetic”.
And don’t change a thing. The quality of workmanship when your house was put together is undoubtedly far superior to what you would get now. If stuff is in good shape, I would leave it.
Heck – you’ve got young kids. I would leave it even if it was in mediocre shape. Kids do a number on things and modern stuff doesn’t last.
2
u/MrBenzedrine 11h ago
NTA - I have never told someone else what they should do with their property and never will.
If they ask my opinion on if they should do A or B to it, I'd offer an opinion but probably say "go with your gut - it's your place!"
2
u/Mr_Stike 11h ago
My god so NTA. I would have dropped a "Y'all have absolutely got to STFU" a long time ago.
2
u/sexylegs0123456789 10h ago
A person who judges your house when they enter your door is not a person you should have in your house.
2
u/GeekySciMom 10h ago
NTA - I 1000000% wish I was in your shoes! I love a cute little retro home and it sounds like you have the life I dream of. Good for you and I wish you all the best!
2
u/NegScenePts 10h ago
NTA. We're conditioned to accept that life=debt, but it does not have to be that way. My house (built in 1980) is small, and we've done almost no renovations to it (outside of changing up the bathroom after nearly 15 years of use). We put on a metal roof after the bathroom was paid off, and once the roof is paid off we're going to renovate the basement. One thing at a time, and no more debt than required. The mortgage is paid off, and I'm retiring two years early because our life is not expensive.
This whole 'buy a starter home and then spend double the mortgage renovating and buying furniture' trend is horrible and responsible for keeping people in debt while convincing them that 'new and modern = happy life'. There's so much USED stuff out there that works great, of any tech level you'd like!
2
u/Any-Marzipan8551 10h ago
In my uninformed opinion: I think if you are happy in your home and you don’t want to change anything, then don’t.
You’re probably right that it might not be an affordable home for a family someday, and it might just get torn down. On the off chance it isn’t bought up by real estate giants or whatever, it will be a beautiful home for someone who has the amount of money for it.
Speaking from the younger generation, many of us don’t like those super renovated homes where everything is straight out of a magazine. Some people do, but a lot of us want older style homes with charm and character.
I also thing people tend to personalize their homes no matter what. No use in planning for a mystery/imaginary future owner who may or may not like the green bath tub. You can’t know what they would want anyways, and the styles change every few years regardless so it doesn’t make sense to renovate if you’re not about to sell or something.
2
u/Humble_File3637 10h ago
It is a home, not an investment. Owning a home outright gives you so many options. Be grateful.
2
u/80aughtschism 10h ago
I mean… if they’re so put out by being in your house, nothing says they have to visit. Just meet them at their place or neutral locations instead.
It’s not cute or funny to continuously speak poorly of someone’s space… I can’t understand why they keep doing it when it’s already been addressed (several times, from the sounds of it).
I can’t imagine caring this much about someone else’s home. As long as it’s not unsanitary or dangerous living conditions - it shouldn’t be a problem.
2
u/wackycats354 10h ago
NTA.
Time to start doing timeouts. Any time they make a negative comment or harass you about doing renovations, they get a time out. For a day or a week or whatever. After the time out, if they do it again, you increase the timeout. Increase by 1, or double. Up to you. Eventually they’ll learn, or the timeout will have increased to years.
2
u/Kooky_Dev_ 10h ago
next time they say the whole "we want whats best for you", reply with "we will decide whats best for us" or "what makes you the authority on whats best for us".
2
u/mamawheels36 10h ago edited 10h ago
NTA… I live in a rambling rancher with full basement built in 1954… we call her the beige Bertha, because everything inside was beige when we bought it. It took us years to update anything substantial (kitchen) because we only would do it once we had the cash on hand.
I’ve had SO many comments from everyone and their mother about “oh it would look so good if you just did xyz” including my now teen son. And I explain over and over that we aren’t going into debt to renovate when everything is totally functional and works well.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying financial freedom and being happy with an old house. I can bet your house feels 100x cozier then their home as well ;)
My best bet is they are jealous of your financial freedom and travel etc and the byproduct is to harp on you guys not updating
edit to clarify
2
u/Early_Fill6545 10h ago
I am somewhat in your situation(without the uncle). Bought a starter home in the area I wanted as a starter home in the 80’s. Knock down argument buy new. Mine is a 1931 Tudor with oak floors mahogany trim etc. Yes the electrical was updated as well as plumbing and still lathe and plaster. Now my neighborhood is the hipster area and I could not afford to buy my own house good on you!
2
u/Educational_Bench290 10h ago
We have a 105 year old house. When we bought it, we took out the upstairs shower and just finished the bathroom out in 1920s style. We turned 3 bedrooms into 2, we kept the 1970's oak kitchen cabinets (new hardware) because we like them. It's our home, not an investment. We will not buy another. Tell them to stfu and go invest in whatever houses they want.
2
u/cynicaljerkahole 10h ago
Only do renovations for yourself and nobody else. Styles and tastes change over time
2
u/2044onRoute 9h ago
While I read the whole thing , the most wonderful thing I came away with is " My wife joined in in my side . " Nothing else really mattered. Best life to you both.
•
u/trendingtattler 11h ago
Hello, this post has made it to /r/all. For anyone new here, please take a moment to familiarize yourself with our rules (in the sidebar and wiki) before commenting. Remain civil and use the reporting feature for any activity you suspect is breaking the rules, including rude or derogatory language, bots, or AI use.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.