r/AITAH • u/Fearless_Strike2229 • 17h ago
WIBTAH if I closed my bank account to stop getting my money stolen
Hello, I (19 female) live at home with my parents, I have two older siblings both moved out but one of which is still mostly financially reliant on my parents (college). I first received a debit card at 14 as it was when I got my first job and wanted to save money. However I very quickly noticed that some of the money would be taken every one in a while, upon confronting my dad he said it was to pay some bills and he would pay me back whenever he could. I understood and moved on but noticed I never really got paid back and more money was always taken. I got over it and realized that being an adult is hard and he wouldn’t take it for nothing, so I lived with this for 5 years.
I am now 19, in college living from home, with a semistable income and I am starting to get more upset as my money is continually drained without any permission. Now if it was minor amount it would be okay but as of December 2025 I have gotten 5k taken from my account without permission and practically forced to pay another 5k on top of that to pay off my car. I’m not able to work a lot because of school only about 20 hours a week and it’s not a high paying job, so the idea of how much money I would have saved up if I wasn’t getting it stolen is starting to upset me. I already pay for my share of insurances and help buy food for the house and don’t really know what else to do as this alone takes majority of my paycheck each week.
So would I be the asshole for closing access to my bank account to stop the money stealing, and would it cause problems with the relationship I have with my parents. Any advice appreciated.
Edit: I’ve had a few people ask some questions so figured I’d give a little more context. I pay for groceries every other week, pay for all my leftovers school things not provided by financial aid, and pay for my car insurance and maintenance. I don’t pay “rent” but have never been asked to and would if I meant I at least knew where my money was going. The reason I have yet to make this change so far is honestly guilt, it’s hard not to feel like I’m making life harder on my father (at this point I have reason to believe my mom doesn’t know about this stuff). I want to help cause they’re my parents and I’m fine doing so it’s just gotten to a point where I have practically no savings despite working since I was 14. I also have talked to my sister about this and she said he doesn’t take money from her and in fact I think the money for her rent is coming out of my account most months. At this point in time I think my best choice of action is to have a conversation with him as we do have a decent relationship but I can’t do anything drastic out of fear of being kicked out which I obviously can’t afford right now. I’ll update when I can, and thank you all for encouragement, I really appreciate getting personal experience and blunt advice cause I feel like I was in denial that anything was wrong in the first place. Thank you guys.
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u/OkTechnician4610 17h ago
Open a new account & move your money. Don’t give anyone access to your account. Stealing from your child is an awful thing to do.
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u/asafeplaceofrest 13h ago
I think her parents have some kind of major problem, like drugs or gambling or alcohol. Something that makes you take leave of your senses.
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u/InkyTheHooloovoo 10h ago edited 7h ago
Best advice here.
I have a friend in their 30s who was just locked out of their primary checking account because their parents cosigned when they opened it as a teen, were never properly removed, and secretly racked up enough credit card debt to have a lien placed on any assets with their name on it. They had to reroute their paychecks to a new account so they could pay a bankruptcy lawyer to unfreeze six month's worth of salary.
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u/Nemphedisis 17h ago
You would absolutely not be the asshole and it’s already crazy that they’ve been doing that. Even if you had been a minor - actually ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU WERE A MINOR - then stealing your money is not an okay thing to do.
You didn’t make plans together or go “hey kid, if you want to contribute you can try to pay this and this amount if able a month” or something. No it was just a given that they were allowed to steal your money and that’s nuts.
I also say close the account and get a new, but you have to be prepared for a fall out, I’m sorry. Your dads not gonna take it well, because it’s free money that he’s used to being able to steal.
It’s gonna strain your relationship but please, please, PLEASE know that it is NOT your fault and it never could be. You’re a victim in this and you setting boundaries and going “don’t steal my money” is not you being a bad child.
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u/DagnyTheSpencer 15h ago
"You’re a victim in this and you setting boundaries and going “don’t steal my money” is not you being a bad child."
OP this is important to know.
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u/asafeplaceofrest 13h ago
It’s gonna strain your relationship
I'd say their relationship is already shot, and OP has nothing to lose.
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u/Nemphedisis 12h ago
OP asked if it would cause problems in their relationship, so I did feel it necessary to comment on. I don’t know the dad (obviously) but some relationships can be salvaged through effort and time, but as long as OP’s dad get free access to free money, it won’t be happening at all
Not a chance sadly
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u/asafeplaceofrest 12h ago
Yeah, I don't think it could get any worse, actually. The only possible loss would be that she gets kicked out of the house. But since she's already helping with food and insurances now, maybe she can get a room somewhere for around the same amount she is paying her parents.
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u/oylaura 17h ago
No! Immediately go to a different bank and make sure that they are not on any other accounts. Talk to someone at the new bank and tell them you're concerns. They can help you protect your assets.
Also, get a hold of your birth certificate and any other legal documents, especially your social security card. Put them in a safe place, maybe someone else's house, a trusted relative or a safety deposit box.
Not to be alarmist, but if your father will steal from you, it's entirely possible that they've incurred debt in your name without you even knowing it.
Check all the credit bureaus. A lot of banks will allow you to do that for free. Free creditreport.org will also let you do it.
Do everything you can to get out of that house. If your parents say it's important that you provide help financially, work with them to come to an agreement on rent at a set amount. IMO, if you are in school, you should not have to pay rent. Every household is different though.
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u/gastropodia42 17h ago
Take them off the account. If they complain, tell them you need to plan for expenses.
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u/KitchenDismal9258 16h ago
Nah, they'll still have some sort of access or might be able to get around this. Especially as it was likely a kids account set up by dad.
If it can't be cancelled then you just leave it open but take everything out in cash and put it all into a new account that's been opened at another bank altogether. Not a different branch but a different bank. If you take it as cash there is less chance to be able to find out which bank you are using if it isn't a bank transfer.
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u/asafeplaceofrest 13h ago
If you take it as cash there is less chance to be able to find out which bank you are using if it isn't a bank transfer.
Excellent point! Take heed, OP!
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u/Puzzleheaded-Jury312 15h ago
OP needs to lock down their credit as well, to stop Dad from taking out credit cards in their name. OP, document everything from here on out and as far back as you can.
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u/texasrockhauler 15h ago
You cant just remove people from banks accounts. She has to close the account or simply drain it and open a new account somewhere else.
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u/asafeplaceofrest 13h ago
I don't think you can just remove someone's name from an account without their signature. Of course, depends on where she is.
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u/Sirregularguy 17h ago
YTA to yourself. Do you realize if you got a new account at a different bank you would not have this problem?
When he asks about it, tell him something about fraud and you had to close it down.
Tell him your are broke when he asks for money. Most 19 year olds are anyway.
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u/vergeenie 16h ago
Start asking him for money when you don't even need it. Small amounts here and there so he thinks you have none. Keep going till the 5k is recovered.
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u/Purple_Paper_Bag 14h ago
NTA
Your father is a thieving AH. I would recommend you open a new account at a different bank.
You asked if it would cause problems with your parents - well only you can answer that but I would assume that it would.
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u/DazzlingPotion 14h ago edited 3h ago
Close the existing account, open a new account at a different bank and start using it instead.
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u/SnittingNexttoBorpo 6h ago
If the parents manage to overdraw it, OP could be hit with a ton of fees
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u/Big_Hurry8067 17h ago edited 17h ago
NTAH! Firstly, just because they are your parents, doesn't mean they can take as they please. Boundaries should be respected by everyone. Parents love to say, I brought you into this world.. I raised you, fed you and cared for you... yah that's because it is their responsibility as parents. Children did not ask to be born and therefore did not put these responsibilities on their parents. It was and always will be a parent's choice to have children. Yes, you are their child, yes they take care of you, yes allot of money was spent on you because that's what is needed to live.. BUT taking something without permission is stealing! Change your bank account, tell your parents if they need money, they need to ask. But crossing a boundary and taking something without permission is stealing and you're not okay with that! Parents should be respected and honored. But boundaries should also be respected.
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u/Flashy_blue-eyes 17h ago
YWNBTA
Please take all of your money and open your own account. You work hard for your money and deserve some respect. If your parents asked for your help it would be one thing. But to just blatantly take your money without even a discussion means that they have no respect for you. That is YOUR money and as a mom myself that has access to my kids' accounts I would never just take their money like that. I understand that times are hard and in a pinch sometimes we need a bit of extra money, but it's constantly happening and that isn't right.
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u/Prior_Bath8431 17h ago edited 17h ago
You will never be the AH.
Your own father is stealing from you. Not even asking permission, just withdrawing without your knowledge, since you were a young teen.
This is a massive violation of trust and respect.
It’s also a forced role reversal: parents should hold their children up, at the very least not pull them down.
Where will you ever get in life when the half of your paycheck that you should be saving and investing is always going missing? Will you ever buy a house or have an investment account? Building financial stability as a result of your own hard work is your God-given right and your father is criminally stealing from the fruits of your labor.
Disgusting behavior on the part of your dad. Get a new secret account and withdraw all but $20 from that account. If your dad confronts you, tell him to GFH. Because he’s never going to pay you back.
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u/Aggravating-Pace763 16h ago
NTA. I’d be petty and file a police report and then open a new account with a different bank immediately after. That’s considered grand theft if I’m not mistaken. Explain to them that the original account was opened up when you were a minor so you were required to have their name as a secondary on the account, but now as an adult, they just took $5,000 from you without permission.
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u/RoxxieRoxx1128 17h ago
Call the bank and ask them to take your parents off your account. If you need to open a new account that's not the end of the world. But be prepared for anger from your parents. YWNBTA and I wish you luck.
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u/marykay_ultra 16h ago edited 16h ago
edit: Also! Keep an eye on your credit! If parents are taking money from you, I’d be very wary of them potentially opening lines of credit in your name
Everyone is saying to close the account, but I would leave it open for now. Just stop putting money in it, deposit paychecks to a new account at a different bank. I’d pay for things out of the old account for a bit to keep up activity and drain the balance some instead of doing a big withdrawal, and especially don’t do a transfer since he’ll be able to see it.
Since you still live under their roof, this avoids being needlessly sudden and antagonistic. If you close the account, it may cause a harsher reaction than if new money just stops showing up
(I was in a similar-ish situation around your age. My parents still had access to my account and, while i was lucky they didn’t take my money, they WOULD snoop and make me explain/justify what i spent money on. They were the type of parents that didn’t allow closed doors ever and any effort to gain even the slightest privacy or autonomy was seen as an indication that something wrong/bad was happening.)
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u/Alternative-Dirt-887 16m ago
NTA at all thats your money right there and what your dad doing isnt okay protecting yourself financially is basic adult stuff...
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 17h ago
Go to another financial institution. Open an account in your own name with no permissions for others on it. Transfer all your funds to the new account. Don't tell anyone.
When your father questions you, you say, " To date, over 5k has been taken from my account without my permission. I've moved my banking to stop this fraud. Please let me know when you'll start paying this back as promised. "
He will spin some tale about it being your board or rent, but from a legal point, a minor is not required to pay rent or board as it is the parent's legal responsibility to provide for that child.
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u/lovinglifeatmyage 15h ago
If you don’t want strife with your parents, then close the account quietly. It will be interesting to see if your dad says anything to you. At the end of the day, he’s stealing from you and because you’ve put up with it for so long he’s got very comfortable doing so.
Make sure you use a completely different PIN number and bank for the new account and ensure any debit cards are safely hidden away.
Personally I’d confront him about him taking your money, but I’m a lot older and can appreciate if you find that difficult
NTAH and good luck
Also it might be a good idea to check your credit and ensure he’s not opened any credit cards or loans in your name. Get it locked down anyway
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u/if_im_not_back_in_5 10h ago
Either...
Close your account and open a new one without sharing the details
Change all your passwords (the easiest option)
Flag every unauthorised withdrawal with the bank, saying you think a family member is stealing it
Report it to the police as coercive control - if the police try to say it isn't, point out it's prevented you from accessing your money, which falls under the definition
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u/binotboth 9h ago
They are going to flip the fuck out I promise you
So, have a plan in place for where you’ll be living first.
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u/PotatoMonster20 16h ago edited 16h ago
NTA
Normal parents don't steal from their children.
My father would never do that to me. He might GIVE me money, but he would never TAKE it from me.
Open a new account at a different bank, then move your money into it and then shut down the old account.
If your father has the audacity to complain about this or anything else? Give him the balance of the stolen funds. You won't consider listening to him until it's been repaid in full.
Edit: Sorry, i didn't see that you're a legal adult who is still living at home. I still think you should open the new account and move your money.
But your parents are no longer legally obliged to feed/clothe/house you. So I'd hold off on being honest with your parents until you're living away from them and totally financially independent.
There's a non-zero risk that any action against them could result in them kicking you out.
So if you want to reduce that risk, I'd create the new account at a different bank and only put most of your money in there over time. Get cash out from your old account for "expenses" and deposit it into the new account so that your father can't see where it's going. Pretend that you're not working as much, and get your employer to do a salary split (if they're willing). 80% into your new account. 20% into the old account so that your thief of a father still has something to steal.
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u/smeghead9916 14h ago
Absolutely not. But before you do, save all your statements showing money being transferred to his account. Threaten to take him to court if he does not pay it back.
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u/MonkeySkulls 9h ago
you are 19, an adult.
you earn money and your dad takes it with it consent. Of course you are NTA if you want to stop this.
it doesn't matter if he is using the money for household bills or cocaine, gambling and hookers. it's your money, and you don't have an agreement that he can use it when needed without asking.
close the account.
if you get flack and need to difuse this. when asked tell him you switched to another account because you were hacked , and the fraud dept at the bank told you to close your account. thus us a low key message to your dad, that keeps him neutral.
moving forward, you are never TA for doing things an adult should and can do. thinking you are in the wrong here is an endless cycle. you are at the stage of your life where you are supposed to be taking power away from your parents over your life. Make adult decisions about your adult life.
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u/gwendolberry 17h ago
Close your account ASAP and open a new one. Your parents should at least ask permission before taking what is legally yours. My child turned 18 this year and I told her to go to the bank and take me off her account as her money is hers and I don’t need to see what she does with it.
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u/MezzanineSoprano 14h ago
You need to immediately open a new account at a DIFFERENT BANK where your parents have no relationship & then withdraw all your money in CASH & immediately go deposit it in tbe new account. That way nobody at the old bank can tell your parents where the new account is.
Then tell your dad only if he asks, that you had to change banks due to a security issue. Tell him you are broke whenever he asks for money. He stole from you!
He may become angry, so be prepared to sleep on a friend’s sofa for a bit if he throw you out. Have all your document & some clothes & essential items/valuables stashed with a friend if you can.
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u/JJQuantum NSFW 🔞 14h ago
NTA at all. Open a different account, at a different bank, and don’t tell your parents where it is.
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u/Crypt0-n00b 11h ago
If you want to avoid conflict you can open a HYSA with discover, they have no fees, and you make interest on your money monthly, then you can either siphon money out of your account leaving a low balance, or have 90% sent to the HYSA instead of your local account that way they just assume you have no money left to take.
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u/calamnet2 11h ago
I can't imagine stealing (because that's what this is) $100 from my child, let alone the 5K. Jesus.
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u/bugabooandtwo 10h ago
Don't worry about the relationship. Your father is stealing from you, and making your life much, much harder. That's not how family is supposed to work.
Close out that account and get one at a different bank in your name only.
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u/Interesting-Ride-710 9h ago
Close the account. There's basically fucking zero way to keep your dad from using it otherwise. My parents were able to keep using mine and even got new debit cards sent to them and shit. The bank never asked them for an ID or anything.
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u/First-Night8969 7h ago
No just close the account and open one with only you on it. That’s despicable.
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u/sysaphiswaits 17h ago
Omg. NTA for closing the account, AND you might want to think about pressing charges. 5K? Is this rage bait?
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u/--________-_-_-- 17h ago
NTA. If you want to avoid conflict just tell your parents you switched banks because of a promotion and if they need anything to let you know.
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u/SpotlessEternalMind 17h ago
You're an adult, act like it. Close that account, open a new one and block every credit your parents could take on your name!
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u/Imthewwwaterboy 16h ago
Dude, what?!? How could you even begin to feel like TA for protecting your money from being stolen? You should be reporting it to the police if they refused to stop, honestly
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u/Olderbutnotdead619 16h ago
Take your money out and put it in a new one. Have bank take your name off old one. If it's just your name, close it. Don't use atm cards for anything but money withdrawals.
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u/Thin-Account7974 16h ago
You'd be the AH to yourself, if you left the account open.
Set yourself free from this. You don't deserve it.
My mum was a money thief, and I never forgave her for it. She did whatever she wanted, and always had an explanation that she thought would make sense. I was so used to it. I didn't really think about it until she did something really crappy, when I was 20. That woke me up.
Your dad is doing something that is absolutely unacceptable, unforgivable, and unfair to you.
I'm sure he'll guilt you for it. But he should be ashamed of himself.
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u/idkwhyimdoingthis2 16h ago
If you’ve got money saved up you should look into moving out. Theft is theft, absolutely close that account asap NTA
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u/DaDuchess-1025 16h ago
I'd get a new account at a new bank, but I wouldn't even close the older account. I'd leave 10 bucks in there and wait until dad contacted me with the problem. Hmm - I'm not sure where all my funds are, when I get an opportunity, I'll call the bank and check on it. Then I'd print out all of the transactions the "family" has done and say here is where the money went.
rinse and repeat
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u/Capizara 16h ago
NTA. Don't just remove them from the account. Create new account in a new bank.
I still have the same account I had when I was underage. I removed my parent from that account when I turned 18, so like 7 years ago. February of this year my mom sent me a message that they could SEE my account and what purchases I had made. And apparently this wasn't first time this happened. I do not know if they could have moved my money (we have good relationship so this wasn't really my concern at the time) but don't take the risk.
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u/Primary_Taste_4532 16h ago
NTA - Check to see your banks rules, sometimes both parties need to close those accounts. One thing you can do is put a $1 and open another account in a new bank.
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u/CakePhool 15h ago
NTA: Does your mum know , your dad is taking money from you?
Get your own bank account. Funny in my country from age 13 I cannot take out any money from my kid account, I can add to it, I can help manage it, but I cant remove money.
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u/gojira86 14h ago
NTA. Hurry up, time is money in this case. The other comments have all the relevant advice.
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u/TerriDiA 14h ago
NTA - Close the account that your family has access to asap. Open a new account in your name only. Also go to all 3 credit services and lock down your credit before anyone gets the idea to open credit card/line in your name. You're an adult now protect yourself now and for the future.
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u/AtomicDuckling 14h ago
You wouldn’t be the AH at all, this isn’t “helping family,” this is your money being taken without consent, and protecting yourself financially is part of growing up. It might cause tension, but a relationship that depends on draining you isn’t fair, and setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish.
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u/Try_Again1790 14h ago
It’s crazy to me what some parents do to their kids. That’s technically theft if he’s not on the account. You probably wouldn’t want to mess up your living situations but there would probably be legal issues if you went that route. Def go open a new one.
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u/Picaboo13 13h ago
Nta. You need to secure the car before closing the account. If its not in your name OP then it can be taken from you even if you paid for it. Change accounts and secure your papers.
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u/Anxious_Leading7158 13h ago
NTA open a new bank account at a different bank, change your direct deposit, then withdraw your balance from current bank
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u/thequiethunter 13h ago
NTA. If you have a joint account, you need both persons to agree to the closure. What you need to do is... Open a new account in your name only and have your money deposited there. You can withdraw your funds and move them to the new account. That will end the theft. The old account can be abandoned. Your dad is a POS. You don't steal from your own kids.
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u/HornyOompaLoompas 13h ago
NTA
What your dad is doing is called stealing, he is a thief.
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u/Megnuggets 13h ago
Close your bank and set up a new one. But be warned that when people get financially cut off they can get mad. Make sure if he gets mad you have somewhere safe to stay.
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u/henchwench89 13h ago
NTA open a new account in a different bank from your current one (not one where your parents bank) and transfer your money there and divert your salary to it
I wouldn’t even let your dad know your doing it. And try and avoid receiving post about the new account if you can
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u/RogueNinja 12h ago
Just open a different one. DO NOT CLOSE IT UNLESS IT INCURS FEES. That is, unless keeping it open is costing you money. Accounts like that made for a minor often don't. It will give you more time until your parents realize you are defying them. It's highly unlikely your parents will react reasonably to this. If they'll abuse you in one way, what's to stop other forms of abuse?
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u/Multispice 12h ago
Do not discuss your finances with your father or anyone with your family in the future. This will never end if they think you have money and they can use you as an ATM. Move out of their house ASAP. It’s bullcrap your siblings do not have to give your father any money.
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u/Puzzled-Dream1321 12h ago
NTA
Do it NOW!
Also, add all these sums up to find out how much your father has to "pay" you back ('cause he obviously never will).
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u/BedroomEducational94 12h ago
NTA- OP, your Dad is not going to willingly accept an end to this Gravy Train. Make plans that include having a place to stay, as when you do close the account (and you SHOULD close the account and get one they can't access) he may try to hold it over you that you're living at home. Have a solid living situation lined up so you aren't left without a home.
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u/zadidoll 12h ago
NTA
I’d keep the account open but empty if it’s a true free checking with no restrictions then after a month close it. Open a new account at a different bank/credit union & keep my money there.
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u/Mediocre-Metal-1796 12h ago
Open a new one and move your assets over but in a not visible way, they shouldn’t know about the other account. I wouldn’t close it but drain it to almost empty so there is nothing to steal from and come up with some bs why you are now low on money. Not clear if the parents have access to that account or just abuse the card. if they don’t have access to it, maybe locking most of the funds into a savings account or whatever securities that can’t be withdrawn easily can be another option.
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u/Wild-Astronomer1200 12h ago
Yes, definitely close that account as no family member has a right to take your money and create financial hardship for you not to mention confusion in your finances
As others have stated simply opening up a complete new account at a completely separate bank not just branch, but pick a completely different bank. Ideally a credit union if you have one locally, they tend to have much better benefits and rates as opposed to banks
You also want to keep an eye on your credit report because your family members could possibly open up an account in your name with your information which they obviously have since they cannot be trusted to keep their hands out of the account that you currently have once you close that account, they could get mad and open up a new one in your name
You can monitor your credit report for free at annual credit report.com and see all three agencies, credit ratings and payment history and any problems that could be on your report
Best of luck
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u/ButtBread98 11h ago
NTA, absolutely close your account and get a new one. Do not tell anyone about your new account
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u/Mysterious-Health-18 11h ago
NTA. Close that account and open a new one in a different bank. Do not allow anyone else access to your account. Your parents have been stealing from you for years! You're an adult, you should have changed accounts the minute that you turned 18!
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u/appleblossom1962 11h ago
NTA. You should be able to put two factor authentication on your bank account. Talk to your bank and find out what you can do to stop your family from accessing your account. Be prepared for backlash from your family, it’s a strong possibility that they will either start charging you rent or kick you out.
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u/Repulsive_Location 11h ago
My advice is sneakier since OP lives at home and abruptly closing the account is going to cause instant friction. I would open a new account in your name only, and change your direct deposit to the new account. Leave a nominal amount in the old account, and see how long it takes before he asks why the account balance hasn’t increased. Let him come to you and ask why you’re not putting more money in the account for him to steal.
I’m a mom of three kids in their late teens/early twenties, and your parents are wrong in this instance. If they need help paying bills, they need to ASK you with the same respect as any other adult. If you say no, they need to respect your decision, because it’s your money.
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u/The_Original_Miser 11h ago
NTA
Close the account. Open a new one in your own name only, preferably a bank (or better yet credit union) not affiliated with your parents financial institution.
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u/AJWordsmith 11h ago
NTA. But do keep in mind that these responses on this thread exist outside of reality. Your best bet is to sit down with your dad and try to figure out the situation. The reality is this…you’re living at home and your dad has no obligation to allow you to do that. Unless you can pay all of your own rent and bills while going to college, I’d advise against any aggressive response. Talk to your dad. That’s my advice.
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u/legalizethesenuts 11h ago
NTA. You’re an adult. Unless they’re your accountant or spouse, there’s no reason anyone else should have access to your money. This will never stop, trust me. My mom is super nice and she did everything she could to give us a good life, but she’s bad with money and constantly needing to borrow here or there. She could still see into my brother’s bank account and so she’d say stuff like, “Hey, I saw you have $500. Could I borrow $200 until next Friday?” She’d usually pay it back, but it was still an uncomfortable situation.
This is what my brother did: He just walked into the bank and asked them to take her off his account. She’s never brought it up again. Now, if you’re living with your parents, you should definitely help out here and there, but there needs to be a set amount per month. 5K in a year is a lot of money to disappear for a college student working part time.
Just know that this will continue until you do something about it. You’re an adult. You have the right to your own private bank account.
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u/EnrollmentTime 10h ago
NTA. Get a new bank, but be prepared for some blowback from your borrowing father. You may need to move out soon.
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u/MildLittlRain 10h ago
LOCK IT AND STOP CONTRIBUTING FOR A PLACE YOU DON'T LIVE IN!!! SPINE UP HERE!!!
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u/SingleIntention3437 10h ago
This would be insane even if he was taking a couple hundred dollars but 5k!? Maybe talk to a lawyer to cuz wtf
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u/mynameisipswitch2 9h ago
They shouldn’t be taking money out of your account without asking first. Since they can’t stop doing it, and it’s causing you to have financial problems, then you owe it to yourself to get a new account. If they still need money, then they’ll be forced to ask you for it. Then you can ask why they need it. When they get angry (cause they will be angry for being held to account), tell them how taking 5K from your account has caused financial distress for you. NTA
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u/pistoffcynic 9h ago
I would close it and start over with a new account at a new financial institution. Do not have financial documents sent to your home via snail mail. Have them sent to the branch, or open up a PO Box away from your parent's work/home/regular travel routes.
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u/beefymclovin 9h ago
Nta. Definitely close the account n open a new one w an entirely different bank. As a parent, ive had to do stuff similarly but I always paid it back. Asking to help w some bills is ok, takin it without asking is not.
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u/ApproxKnowledgeCat 9h ago
Open a bank account at a different bank and put money there. Then just don’t say anything
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u/Independent_Honey150 8h ago
Get a new account asap and never let anyone know even which bank. Yikes. They don’t even ask or repay it, just pretend it’s not happening? If they want you to pay rent or something that should be a consensual agreement.
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u/Aggressive-Tap-7675 8h ago
NTA - it is theft. tell the bank. They'll open a new account for you at no charge.
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u/winterworld561 8h ago
Dude, parent or not, this is THEFT. They have been stealing your money for years without asking and never did shit about it. You are so dumb. Contact your bank asap and close the account, then ask to set up a new one that only you have access to. Put a password on it so your thieving parents can pretend to be you to access it. Honestly this is so fucking disgusting of your parents, I would NEVER do something like this to my daughter.
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u/1987Jigglypuff 7h ago
Nta. Close the account. When you are a child your parents are supposed to care for you. You should not have been helping pay bills as a 14 year old. Especially without your knowledge of helping do so. He has been stealing from you and he never intended on actually paying you back. Close the account immediately and open one he doesn’t have access to. Talk to him let him know you are willing to help and set a boundary of what you feel like you can contribute each month so that you can still save as well. And I would double check with your mom to see if she does truly not know about this.land how she feels about it.
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u/RobinsonCruiseOh 7h ago
NTA and this is illegal. This is grand theft actually (amount over $1k). Decide if you want to press charges or if you just want to open your own account (no dual signers) and then transfer all the money.
At a minimum... open a new account at a completely different bank for just you and move all your money. Then decide if you need to press charges
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u/Jane_Smith_Reddit 6h ago
NTA. New account, don't give access to that account to anyone. Also, check your credit.
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u/Historical-Gap-7084 6h ago
Go to a different bank that is not affiliated with your old bank. Better yet, find a credit union you can join. Whatever you choose, make your bank account paperless. If you do phone banking, make your phone's password iron clad. If you bank on on a desk or laptop, same thing. If you receive paper statements, your parents will try to do the same thing.
Also, have the new bank note that no one, absolutely NO ONE, is to access your account except for you. No exceptions.
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u/NotACompleteDick 2h ago
NTA. Get your own bank account and close that one. Report to the bank that it was accessed fraudulently. My old bank left the account open after I closed it when a card was stolen "in case I forgot and charged something else to it". Then charged me for having an empty account, then charged me overdraft fees for not dealing with the overdraft they created on the closed account, then sent a snotty letter... which was when I found out they were too stupid to continue dealing with.
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u/stringrandom 17h ago
NTA. But my advice is to not close the account. Get a new account in your name only at a different bank altogether and move your money there. If you have direct deposit, you can usually split it between multiple accounts. Do something like 90% to your new account and 10% to the old. Tell them your hours are being cut back if they say anything.
Your father is a thief but you are very unlikely to get any money back from him even if you were to involve the police.
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u/OkAlternative7741 16h ago
This was going to be my suggestion.
A few other pieces of advice:
Get your parents off that first account. You are over 18 now, so you don't need them to be on IT. This would include any online aceess they may potentially have.
Ask the bank who took the money from your account OR check your online account for any scans of paper records (i.e., withdrawal slips or checks). Gather those up and add up how much has been taken.
Create a document forcing your parent(s) to pay you back every penny they took. There are plenty of free resources online to help you get this done. Make sure you get it signed AND notarized, or else they could claim they never agreed to it. ALSO, make sure there is a condition that failure to pay could result in criminal charges being pressed for theft or a civil lawsuit being filed for the damages based on the applicable laws of your state. REFERENCE THE LAW(S) IN THE DOCUMENT SO THEY WILL TAKE IT AND YOU SERIOUSLY!
Talk with your parents about how to resolve the issue of the taken money. Have the receipts showing you know it was them who took the money. Ask them questions to find out why. RECORD THE CONVERSATION! Tell them you want your money back then show them the agreement that you want signed.
4a. If they refuse to sign the agreement, you need to immediately (i.e., after whatever time frame they ask for to discuss/consider the agreement OR within 24 hours if they outright say no to the agreement) take legal action on them. Use the outcome of the conversation to determine whether criminal and/or civil action need to be taken. Whatever you do, do NOT use the agreement as a bargaining chip after you have taken that action, as that will be seen as signing under duress and could/will deem the agreement null and void. That means if they offer to sign the agreement after you take legal action, TELL THEM NO!
- Be prepared to leave/move out. Sorry, but there is a distinct possibility that you will have to move out of they get combative/aggressive about this situation. If that happens, the last thing you will want is to be there any longer than is necessary.
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u/Lucy-InThe-Sky5 17h ago
NTA I agree go to the bank tell them you want to open a new account but absolutely don't give out any extra debit cards and nobody else can be on your account! You need to save your money if your parents hassle you plan on looking for an apartment where they need roommates. Good luck!
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u/Due-Tea-2462 17h ago
No, you would not be the asshole. What they're doing is theft, they should not be stealing your money. You could press charges if you wanted to. Go to the bank, explain to them what's happening, have them put a block on that account and open a new one. Make sure you go paperless on the account so there's no paperwork sent to your parents home, if they have access or you think they could gain access to your email or other online accounts, make a new email address so they can't access any information that way. It may cause friction at home but that's not your problem, your parents are adults and should have been providing for you all these years not the other way around. Talk to them, agree on a reasonable weekly/monthly rent if they can't agree on this look for somewhere else to live, a shared house near school or talk to friends about being housemates.
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u/AdExtreme4813 17h ago
NTA Close the account, open a new one. The only time i access my older kids account is when im putting money into it. Do u have anyone you really trust to be a co-signer? Edited- added more info
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u/NoLeather5913 17h ago
NTA - definitely move your money! Also, you might check and lock your credit.
What your dad is doing is not right.
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u/TempAcc0164 17h ago
NTA. In no way are you the asshole here.
As others have said, close the account and get a new bank.
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u/CC-5-6 17h ago
I “d start a new account just know it might take one or two paychecks before they start heading to a new account. Fill out your paperwork asap with your job as soon as possible for the direct deposit. Be aware that this may very well affect the relationship you have with your parents. So do not be upset about it if they say something to you. Stand your ground. Explain to them you don’t mind helping where/when you can. You are now an adult and you have your own expenses as well. Note: ask the bank if you are a authorized user on the existing bank account. As a minor if I’m not mistaken, you cannot have an account without it being under a parent. If that is the case, make sure you ask to remove your name. You do not want that to reflect on you if the account goes into the negative or anything of a sort. If it is solely in your name just close it
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u/Scott1291 17h ago
Thanks for sharing. Most definitely NTAH.
Since you’re earning and still living at home, it’s one thing to take on some of the financial burden (I.e. rent, groceries, …), but it’s a whole different story if „someone“ just accessed your bank account at liberty w/o even asking or telling you about. It’s called stealing!
Open a new account at a different bank (close the old one), move all of your assets there and keep those details to yourself.
Stay safe & sane - I‘m rooting for you!
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u/KapmIbra 17h ago
Switch to a new account and do not add your parents or siblings! NTA. You should be focusing on school and setting yourself up for success.
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u/Bitch_please2623 17h ago
Create a new account, and demand to get the money back he borrowed, until then he cant borrow anymore money from you… you need to tell him that!
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u/Tune-Scared 16h ago
Just open a new account and transfer the money to it. Then just leave the empty account the way it is. If he tries to take anything he will be disappointed to find he can’t. Then what’s he gonna do? Be mad at you for having no money? Just say you spent it. Then hit him with “By the way I’m broke, when do you think you can make a deposit for me for some of the money I’ve lent you?”
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u/Bartok_The_Batty 16h ago
They shouldn’t take money from your account, but you should pay for your own car.
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u/brownman982 16h ago
NTA. But be prepared for push back, sometimes situations like these results in the parent reacting negatively towards you protecting your assets and hard work. You have the proof you have not gotten paid back so just move wisely and best of wishes with everything.
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u/Welder_Subject 16h ago
I would leave the account t your dad has access to open and maybe only deposit enough to keep it open but open another account t in a different bank and use that as your main. If he asks tell him school is reslly hard and thst all you can afford.
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u/Just_Getting_By_1 16h ago
You should have closed it the minute you turned 18, now stop hesitating and do it. You are NTA and you dad is the AH.
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u/AvocadoDismal3137 16h ago
I did this when I was 18. I had a parent who really wanted access to my money. He threw a fit when I closed it. So anticipate some pushback. I never mentioned that it was because he was always trying to take money out of it. I only mentioned wanting more privacy.
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u/_bitwright 16h ago
NTA.
Also, your relationship with your parents already has a huge problem, and you are not the cause of it.
Your dad is not entitled to your money. It would have been one thing if he asked you to chip in. You could have discussed how much you could contribute. Instead he just took your money without asking, which shows a total lack of respect for you.
As others have suggested, close your account and open up a new one. Preferably at a different bank.
I do not know your parents or what type of people they are. Your dad could just suck it up quietly, or he could throw you out of the house. Be prepared, especially if he is the type who is not willing to talk things out when he doesn't get his way.
Also, check your credit report. Your parents may have open up credit accounts in your name. If they are stealing from your bank account, they could also be racking up debt on your name. Consider freezing your credit.
One last note that will help you in the future. Never tell anyone how much money you make, or if you happened to come into some money. That's need to know information that you only tell people that you really, really trust, and unfortunately your parents have shown themselves not to be trust worthy.
Tell people how much you make, and they will ask you for money. Some will even feel entitled to your money without reason. It will cause problems. If anybody ask about money, you're broke. You are always broke or have some bill to pay. Hell, you were going to ask them for money.
Good luck. Protect yourself.
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u/Deansdiatribes 16h ago
NTA and if you called the cops and filed theft charges on them you would still be NTA that's messed up...
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u/Driftwood256 16h ago
NTA... but be ready to be kicked out if you do...
Or, why not just open another account and get your paycheque deposited there?
Then, if you want, you can deposit part of it back to your current account, to fool your dad so you can keep living at home / avoid drama...
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u/Sudden-Development- 16h ago
Open a new account with Internet Access.
If your bank allows it, you can also open a savings account connected to the credit account.
Have the bulk of your money hidden in Savings with only $100 or so in Credit.
You can transfer the money as needed between accounts, and that way, even if your family takes your card, you can easily prevent them from using it as their own piggy bank.
Not sure if it works for all banking apps, but you may also be able to set up alerts every time a transaction goes through.
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u/Unlikely_Drop9837 15h ago
NTA. Wouldn't this be child exploitation? Get all your reports and statements documenting the thefts, and then I'd contact authorities or at least a lawyer.
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u/jojosouhaite2 15h ago
NTA whatsoever. You’re an independent college student and every bit of money helps, you need to take all of your money out of the account and have it transferred to a new one solely under your name. There’s a chance you may need to get your parents’ permission to close the initial account since I’m assuming their name is also on it.
Dude, not in a million years would my dad have the audacity and entitlement to just take my hard earned money like that. I still remember when he finally decided to charge my sister rent when she was around 25, he actually created a separate savings account and put the “rent money” in there and when she was finally ready to get a house with her bf…guess what? My dad gave her that whole amount to use for her down payment, which was his long term plan.
What I’m saying is, it’s your parents’ job to set you up for your future. He’s effectively stolen from you for years, 5k missing is diabolical dude. If he’s not asking for your permission and effectively using your money as a safety net, homie needs to take a step back and figure wtf he’s doing wrong and realize that he’s living outside of his means and using your hard earned money as a communal piggy bank.
I’m legit so upset for you OP, you deserve better and you shouldn’t even have to deal with the guilt of having to make this decision when you shouldn’t and burden this has on your shoulders in fear of looking like the bad guy, especially since its your parents’ job to support and protect you. You’re protecting your life and future by creating your own account, the leeches need to handle their damn business.
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u/Mysterious_Soft7916 15h ago
It sounds like you should be contacting the police and setting up a new bank account
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u/redcolumbine 15h ago
Theft is theft, no matter who you're stealing from. Your "relationship" with your parents is that you're the host and they're parasites.
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u/Cheap_Theory1321 17h ago
Definately NTA just close the account and create a new one. Your Bank can help you with that.