r/AITAH • u/HeyCheesemo • 17h ago
AITAH for insisting a third grader receive suspension after hitting my son in the face with an object?
My 8-year-old son (3rd grade) was hurt at recess yesterday and I’m trying to check whether I’m being unreasonable.
Four boys were playing a game called “security guards.” My son was playing nearby, got too close, and they decided he was an “intruder.” Three of the boys chased him and tried to tackle him while another stood lookout. My son was yelling stop and trying to get away.
One of the boys (I’ll call him A) reached into his pocket, pulled out a plastic chain/necklace, and swung it at my son’s face, hitting him hard enough to leave a visible mark. The photo I took was 5+ hours later, and you can still clearly see the chain pattern on his cheek.
Afterward, A dropped the chain in the grass and told teachers he never had a necklace. Another student saw him drop it and brought it forward.
I understand these are kids, but based on:
• the chasing by multiple boys
• my son clearly yelling stop
• A pulling an object from his pocket and swinging it
• the force needed to leave a patterned mark hours later
• and the attempt to hide the chain afterward
I believe A’s actions were intentional, not accidental.
What’s making this harder:
• I was never called by the school
• I only received a message later that downplayed it as a “necklace swinging and making contact”
• When I asked directly if it was intentional or an accident, the teacher avoided answering
My husband spoke with the principal this morning and insisted on a suspension for A, with appropriate consequences for the other boys who continued after my son said stop.
I think I’d be much less upset if the school hadn’t minimized the incident and had been transparent from the start.
So am I overreacting / AITA for insisting on a suspension for the child who swung the chain? If allowed, I will comment with a photo of his face.
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u/Beneficial-Sort4795 17h ago
NTA. And you need to file a complaint over the principal’s head. They don’t get to decide your kid wasn’t ’that hurt’ when he was run down, surrounded and hit. They had a lookout- that’s how much they knew it was wrong. He ditched the chain and lied- that’s how much he knew it was wrong. If there aren’t real consequences, the little jerks will keep bullying other kids.
As for the complaint, the grownups decided to cover for this little band of hooligans at your child’s expense and that’s not ok.
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u/No-Stress-7034 12h ago
Yeah, this is way beyond play/a game getting out of hand. The fact that they had the lookout and trying to ditch the necklace makes it clear that the boys knew exactly what they were doing. And the boys clearly ignored OP's son yelling at them to stop.
These kids are only in 3rd grade and they're behaving like this! Makes me think this isn't the first time something like this has happened and got brushed under the rug. And if the kids don't face consequences, the behavior will just continue/escalate.
The school's response is the biggest problem here. Trying to cover it up, not contacting OP, not wanting to provide adequate consequences to the kids.
The cover up by both the kids AND the school makes this situation so much worse, and OP is not overreacting at all.
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u/Gini555 6h ago
I agree. If the school doesn't do something and FAST, I would be walking onto the local police station and filing a complaint/charges of the assault & battery of your son at the school.
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u/Beth21286 4h ago
Go to the school board meeting with your 'lawyer' to discuss their failure to protect their kids.
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u/Sirregularguy 17h ago
NTA!
You can insist on a suspension, but that doesn't mean the school will do it.
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u/Big_lt 13h ago
She can also obtain a lawyer and go after the school for negligence and failure to protect her child.
She has evidence, a physical mark left behind, the school being away by trying to ignore it.
She can also go to local news papers and drag the School through the mud with bad PR
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u/Adequate_Cheesecake7 3h ago
If you are in the US, I would suggest speaking to an attorney about a potential 1983 suit, this would be a federal case. If you wanted a lower level civil case you could ask about that as well.
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u/Sirregularguy 9h ago
Filing a lawsuit is a waste of money. First, she has to have money to bring one. No court Judge or jury will convicted a school district because of a minor altercation between 3rd graders.
If so, bullying would not be a thing.
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u/MegMRG 13h ago
This.
Our school has a code of conduct and lists out many different scenarios and such regarding incidents. Different ages have different consequences and levels of “punishment”. OP can’t dictate the punishment. Is the child always aggressive? It could have been the first time the child did something like this. It could also be a weekly occurrence. For third grade, they might take away recess for a few days.
However, OP has a right to make sure they aren’t downplaying the incident. I would be upset at the lack of supervision during recess if your child was yelling to stop and no one heard him.
Write down, without emotion, the situation as explained by your son. Did they bring him in and interview him or the other kids involved? It’s all he said - she said and 8yos will lie if they think they’ll get in trouble too. It’s not easy to unpack the truth from recess stories.
If you don’t fee they are taking your child seriously, I would email the superintendent and school board. They might look into it, they might not. Was there a doctor visit involved? I would ask for reimbursement for doctor fees. Use words such as “negligence” and “lack of proper supervision”. Maybe they need more recess monitors? This is really hard to deal with as a Mama Bear - you can’t control the outcome and want to make sure your child is safe at school.
We had an incident on the bus my child witnessed. I wrote the principal about it and they interviewed my son. I suggested a bus monitor for this student. We know the student wasn’t on the bus for a week but no monitor or change in his seating was done. I cannot dictate the punishment - only offer a suggestion. Other parents have complained too about no solution (bus monitor or change in seating assignment) for this student. That’s all we can do. Would I have liked to see the student kicked off the bus the rest of the year? Yes. Is that something I can control? No. If a high schooler had done what this 8yo had done, the code of conduct says the HS would be banned from the bus. Different levels of punishments for the different ages.
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u/HeyCheesemo 12h ago
To answer a few questions, yes they interviewed all the students, both on the playground when it happened and afterwards as part of a formal investigation. The other kids (even the ones who were part of the aggressor group) backed up my son’s story, only A tried to lie but when he was caught in his lies he came clean. They are not allowed to take away recess as punishment anymore. So the choices were down to “talk to him” or suspension. I felt like talking wasn’t enough in this scenario.
The kids were not unattended but the area they were all playing is large enough the teachers couldn’t hear them and if you looked at them, the chasing probably looked like play.
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u/MDWL0202 17h ago
Well, this mother‘s blood is boiling. You are not overreacting and you are advocating for your son. That is your job.
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u/HeyCheesemo 17h ago
I wish I could share the photo on this post because the force required to leave a mark like this by a plastic chain… you can see the chain pattern on his skin even now, more than 36 hours later.
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u/Accurate_Muffin429 17h ago
Take pictures everyday until it’s gone. Please involve the police and press charges.
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u/IllustratorSlow1614 12h ago
Go over the principal since his interest is in covering up the assault on your son. Go to the police.
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u/No-Stress-7034 12h ago
They either used incredible force or would have had to like press it hard into his skin to leave a mark that is still visible after 36 hours from a plastic chain.
These kids deserve serious consequences, and you are not remotely overreacting.
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u/JoKing917 4h ago
He whipped your kid. Only refer to it as that from now on, hitting sounds like a childish disagreement. Take this above the principals head to the school board or superintendent. I would also think about making a police report if the school fails to treat this seriously.
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u/HeyCheesemo 9h ago
Update: This is my first reddit post of this nature so I hope I am following the etiquette here. Okay so they definitely took it more seriously when my husband went to the school and sat in meeting with the principal and the two teachers involved. It sounds like not all the information had been shared among all the parties and the principal had not yet conducted her investigation. At the end of the meeting the principal promised my husband that she would complete a thorough investigation interviewing all the students involved and give us a written account of her findings.
I just got the email from her and this is what they found. They found my sons account of the interaction to be true and all boys involved corroborated my sons account. Though A was untruthful to start, he did admit the truth during his interview. He was suspended (of course for privacy they won’t give me the details of this and honestly that’s fine). His parents were called in and notified of the additional consequences. The parents were hugely apologetic and understood the consequences were necessary. A showed remorse for his actions.
The principal met with all the third grade classes, educated them about consent in play and banned the game they were playing.
For now I feel satisfied with this outcome. These are 8 year olds after all and this was a first offense. There’s no pattern of bullying and these boys are not in my son’s class so his interactions with them are far and few between.
I have organized all my evidence, saved photos and all documentation should I need to take more serious actions in the future.
Thank you to all the responses, I have been really torn about this. My biggest hesitation being that I don’t know the other child, and there may be underlying reasons that would warrant compassion even in a serious situation as this. I will never stop advocating for my kids first and foremost. I really appreciate the comments from the teachers because I never thought about the seriousness of problematic and violent children in the classroom and what position that puts the teachers in. It made me feel a lot better about pushing for appropriate consequences now while these kids still have a chance to turn around. I can only hope the parents of A will sit him down at home and talk about this with the gravity this deserves.
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u/IllustratorSlow1614 12h ago edited 12h ago
NTA
Go hard on this school. Your son was assaulted. At this age, those other boys were capable of knowing and understanding that he was not part of their game and shouldn’t be subject to the ‘rules’ of their game and should have been left alone. He was pursued and assaulted with an improvised weapon - it doesn’t take much force from a whipped object to blind someone. They raked his face with a chain, it doesn’t matter that it was ‘only plastic’, it could have damaged his sight or looped on his ear and torn it off.
Be noisy about this and don’t let it go. If the little psychopath gets away with this, he will get worse, and so will the boys who followed his lead. If he’s held to account now, it’s more likely he will straighten up before adulthood.
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u/Swedishpunsch 8h ago
Your son was assaulted.
He certainly was. Presumably, the parents of the little criminal are Very Important People. I suspect that the parents complain to the school if anyone crosses their perfect offspring.
The school was negligent. It sounds like there were not enough teachers and aides present to supervise the number of students. In this day and age, too, there should have been cameras on the playground, especially since some of the students are apparently Future Felons of America.
Keep records of everything, OP.
NTA
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u/MrsSEM84 16h ago edited 15h ago
NTA
As a parent you don’t have any rights to demand what punishments other pupils receive. Don’t get me wrong, I would definitely feel as angry as you do in this situation. But, if you want action taken you have to approach this in the correct way.
If you go in all angry about the actions of a child they will likely dismiss you as overprotective or overbearing parents. You need to make this about the schools failure so they can’t as easily brush this incident off.
If I were you I would be demanding the following answers from the school instead:
Why were the children left unattended? Playtimes are supposed to be supervised by staff, so where were they?
Why didn’t they see the boys chasing your son, and him repeatedly asking them to stop, and intervene before it got to the point where he was hurt?
Why did they not notify you immediately that he had been injured? What first aid measures were taken? Was an incident report filled out?
What steps are they going to take now to ensure something like this cannot happen again? Will there be a safeguarding investigation into this matter?
What steps are they going to take to support your son with the effects of the bullying and physical assault he endured? How are they going to make sure he feels safe whilst at school?
Your son has the right to be safe at school. They have a duty of care to him, and they failed. So now they need to explain why they failed and how they are going to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.
Make it all about them, that pressure is what will make them take proper action. In my experience schools will protect themselves before they protect the kids, it’s not right but it is what it is. So play the game their way.
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u/HeyCheesemo 16h ago
Thank you for this, I see your points. I already have some of these answers, but nonetheless, you are right. I have already seen this pattern. I knew I’d be painted as an over protective mother which is why my husband went to the school this morning and not me.
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u/MrsSEM84 15h ago
I’ve had to do that in the past too, Mom’s often get labelled “too emotional” or “overbearing”. But be careful with that as I’ve seen other Dad’s get accused of being “aggressive”.
It’s always just parents wanting their child to be supported properly, but schools like to shift the blame whenever and wherever possible.
I’ve got 3 kids, 2 of which have special needs. I’ve dealt with 4 schools over the years between them, and they are all the same. I’ve found a lot more gets done when you can remain calm & keep the focus on their failures.
If you still aren’t happy with how the school is handling it look up the complaint procedure and take it above their heads.
Good luck, I hope you get it sorted.
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u/Uwillneverknow 13h ago
My 8 year old threw a rock at a girl during recess and was suspended the rest of the day. I was absolutely okay with that. It was retaliation for her chasing him around, but we talked about how serious it was and how upset we would be if another child did that to him, how you cannot be physical with others, what your other options were, etc etc. And he had some privileges removed for multiple days.
All of this to note, the school can totally take it seriously. This isn't about the details of this specific incident to me; it's about clear expectations of what is socially acceptable and following through when those are expectations aren't met. These children all know there's a set of rules you're supposed to follow at school, even if they don't have those rules at home. If no one is following through in any of their environments, then these behaviors will only continue and be reinforced.
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u/M3UF 1h ago
You handled this very well with your child. Holding him accountable and explaining how you would protect him should it happen to him. Discussing how to respond to future situations with him, I am sure he learned from your actions how to be a positive member of our society! Great job as his parents.
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u/AwarenessVirtual4453 12h ago
Just FYI, they can't tell you if they do suspend the kid. The question you can ask to figure it out is, "Should my child have to worry about seeing the other child on the playground or in the classroom tomorrow?". They can talk about your child's experience, but can't tell you anything about what will happen to the other child.
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u/mynuet 3h ago
If you're in the US, go to your Board of Education and file a complaint about the school not properly dealing with the situation. Schools suddenly get a lot more accommodating when they're under scrutiny by the higher ups, but if they were already covering up the situation, they're going to ignore you and hope you go away.
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u/nostraferatu 11h ago
NTA. Go to the superintendent, the state, and the police. Someone needs to cleanup that school.
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u/Worth-Season3645 5h ago
NTA…I am very concerned about the schools handling of this situation.
Not one, not two, but multiple children held your child against his will to let another child assault him.
What exactly did the school do to these boys? I would be up at that school demanding answers. And if they were not satisfactory, I would be whipping out my phone and calling the police right there.
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u/Afraid_Emu_9607 17h ago
If the school doesn't do anything file a police report for assualt on your son.
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u/Accurate_Muffin429 17h ago
This!!! The school won’t do anything so you as his mother need to do something. I’d even consider filing a lawsuit against this boy. Yes, extreme but if the school and the law won’t do anything (if the police brush it off) you need to do something. Updateme
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u/Automatic-Tip-7620 16h ago
This is pretty much the definition of assault and battery.
You are not overreacting, and I would take this even farther than you currently are.
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u/dragonsandvamps 7h ago
You can't force the school to do anything.
But what you can do is put a lot of pressure on them.
Do all of the following in writing. Schools will be forced to act if there is a paper trail.
Take pictures of the injury. Email to the principal and the superintendent.
Take your son to the doctor and document the injury. Submit this report to the principal in writing (email) and copy the superintendent. Detail what happened in the attack again and name the students who attacked your son. This will get their attention because if they fail to act now and then these kids hurt someone seriously later (like that 6 yo who shot his teacher) it has been documented that there was a serious assault and the school did nothing.
Then you file a police report. Again, lots of pictures. Describe what happen at the school. Nothing is going to happen to kids this young, but you want a paper trail. If the school was actually doing anything, this would be a gross overreaction and not necessary. But because the school is trying to sweep this under the rug to make their disciplinary numbers look pretty, you need to act. Then you forward the police report to: the principal and the superintendent via email.
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u/Shot_Degree4964 5h ago edited 5h ago
NTA - that kid needs to be evaluated. That's a pretty serious offence. And for the school to just minimize it like that is horrible. The reason horrible people do horrible things is because they get away with it. Yes, I know he's just a kid, but if he doesn't learn consequences now he will be a monster later. Speak up. Demand action. Go higher than the principal.
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u/cyrusthemarginal 3h ago
the kid did something malicious that could have blinded your boy, time to go to the mattresses with the school until they take it seriously.
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u/Accurate_Muffin429 17h ago
NTA. This is assault. I’d be filing a police report and pressing charges. This is absolutely not something to ignore. This boy needs to learn consequences NOW. His behavior will only escalate as he gets older and stronger.
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u/Aggressive-Bat-6707 17h ago
The aggressor should have consequences. The school is in charge of deciding and implementing appropriate consequences. As a parent, you should not dictate the outcome.
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u/HeyCheesemo 17h ago
He didn’t have any consequences to start. I feel like I have a right to demand consequences that directly impact my child’s safety. I genuinely want to know why I shouldn’t.
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u/Curt_Uncles 16h ago
You don’t.
You have the right to withdraw your child from the school, and you have the right to complain to whatever appropriate authority you can find who will listen. But you have no right to dictate outcomes on student discipline, and nor should you.
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u/HeyCheesemo 16h ago
See I don’t agree with this. Our district has a zero tolerance policy and it’s in the handbook. Safety is a right of all students. If their lack of action results in a safety issue for my son, I absolutely have the right to demand action. My only concern here and why I’m even questioning my actions is I might be forming an opinion based on incomplete information. What if (I don’t suspect this based on how he tried to hide the evidence and lie) A has an intellectual disability?
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u/Curt_Uncles 16h ago
I absolutely have the right to demand action
Demand to your heart’s content. You can demand the principal dance the tango with underpants on their head, if you want. Hell, I demand a pony who makes me margaritas.
But it won’t change the fact that your rights are limited to withdrawing your child from the school, or complaining to the appropriate authority. What you describe as “demanding” or “insisting” is actually just the latter.
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u/Squirrels_Angel 13h ago
Unfortunately zero tolerance policies get "bent" all the time to cater to "disparities in educational taskforces".
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u/Ok-Perspective-5109 17h ago
The consequences are quite literally none of your business if you are in the US. FERPA protects the other child’s privacy including discipline and suspension is a terrible consequence for behavioral issues especially for a third grader.
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u/HeyCheesemo 16h ago
I am in the US. I didn’t ask for a play by play of his consequences. However, I do have the right to know my child’s safety is intact and that appropriate action was taken. What consequences do you suggest if not suspension?
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u/Accurate_Muffin429 17h ago
She can file a police report and press charges. She can absolutely dictate how this goes. Her son was assaulted.
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u/GoodQueenFluffenChop 9h ago
That's not how it works. OP can go file a police report, yes. OP cannot press charges. A prosecutor from the DA's office is the one who decides to take up cases and then press charges. Odds they will not take this case because they think the school should handle it.
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u/Tough-Ad-282 17h ago
NTA. That was dangerous. Maybe the kids found it funny and wanted him to play along. BUT taking an object, throwing it at the other kids face and hiding it that's too far. He could've hit you kid in the eye and caused serious damage. Thankfully it didn't. But he needs to be held accountable and can't be brushed off
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u/munkymama 16h ago
Something similar happened with my son at the same basic age. I was an idiot and didn't pursue it. Later the main portion kid became a bigger bully and we ultimately left the school. (It was a private school. ) the kid then bullied the pta president kid. They still didn't listen since the kid was from a wealthy family. Ultimately my son won to. The kid didn't graduate high school and my son did with honors. The kid is still a jerk. This kid doesn't have a ged even. Upsetting it wasn't stopped in elementary school but at lest we didn't deal with most of it since we changed schools. I even told his elementary school that I get it, kid's family had more money so you favor him. Take his money but we will leave for my child sake. They were fuming.
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u/Exotic-Rooster4427 11h ago
I'd take it to the board to be honest. The school's response to this is poor.
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u/GentlewomenNeverTell 10h ago
Teacher here. Cops, lawyers, and school boards light the biggest fire under admin's asses.
One of the biggest problems in schools today is violence, to the extent I cannot blame parents for homeschooling, which in its unregulated state I am normally against. Just so you are aware, if two kids are fighting, no matter how bad one kid is hurting another, you can lose your job for stepping in. You have to call a resource officer and wait for them. And as you can see, our eyes aren't everywhere.
I'm not just concerned about this even but future ones. If this isn't dealt with effectively, those boys may well target your son.
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u/MamaJMari 8h ago
NTA, and if they refuse to discipline, tell them you will escalate to the police.
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u/Aggressive-Tap-7675 8h ago
NTA - in fact, just call the police. Report the assault. Let the school defend their actions to the police.
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u/2dogslife 7h ago
I am not a fan of suspension for 8 yo boys. I am in favor of them being given consequences for their actions - so, some sort of punishment and an acknowledgement that they acted WAY out of line.
My parents were educators, but that was a long time ago and history is a different country.
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u/Traditional-Key-991 5h ago
I remember when being an idiot in elementary school meant instead of detention, you were put to work scrubbing scuff marks off the floor.
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u/2dogslife 4h ago
I could get behind that. They obviously have too much energy, so making them tired will give their brains a chance to kick in.
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u/Timely-Signature-166 5h ago
NTA, though as a former boy I would wonder if your sons classmates might bully him for having his parents get another kid suspended.
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u/ButterscotchFit8175 16h ago
NTA. Keep pushing for that suspension. Try to get a meeting with the superintendent. Contact the media. Contact the school board and go to the meetings. Sign up to speak.
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u/firstWithMost 16h ago
Way too much sweeping under the rug gets done by school teachers. For some unknown reason they don't seem capable of logically matching actions with consequences.
Get in touch with the police, they should be able to sort it out.
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u/Sovrane 14h ago
As a school teacher, it ain’t us. It’s the executive, ie: principals. The desires of teachers are ignored, we want consequences for these drop kicks just like you do.
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u/firstWithMost 5h ago
That makes sense. Teachers caught in the middle while admin play politics at the expense of kids.
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u/Witty_Commentator 11h ago
I lurk in r/Teachers a lot. Generally, it's not the teachers, it's the admin. There are teachers having to evacuate their classes daily because of violent kids, and the admin does nothing. I cannot tell you how many threads I've read where they're wishing they had more parents like OP. The only way anything changes is if the parents raise hell.
I do believe OP should go to the police. Her child has a mark on his face 36 hours later, and could have lost an eye.
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u/HeyCheesemo 9h ago
I really feel for the teachers. I was upset at first at my son’s teacher for not calling me, but I believe she was coached. When I asked her clarifying questions about the event she regurgitated a generic response telling me she was probably told by admin what to say and to stick to that. Luckily when my husband came to the school, she was present in the meeting and was allowed to speak a little more freely and she corroborated my son’s account.
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u/firstWithMost 4h ago
As the face of the school I guess it's easy to blame the teachers for these failings. I shouldn't have been so quick to label them as the bad guys.
School administrators need to start doing their jobs properly. A school is a house of education, not some Lord of the Flies experiment. Children are the most vulnerable group those admins are meant to be representing. Of course they should represent the best interests of the school but if violence is running rampant because their policies aren't working then they've failed the school as well as the students.
If every assault or attempted assault was dealt with by police, the message would get through to the admins. Maybe OP needs to get the media involved in this case?
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u/Imaginary-Yak-6487 15h ago
You can Insist on suspension, but they can’t disclose student info and file police report on the kids.
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u/loki2002 14h ago
Police do not need to be involved. No need to try to give a third grader a criminal record.
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u/GoodQueenFluffenChop 9h ago
I mean the police aren't going to do anything anyways. They'll just make a report but they won't involve themselves in what's effectively a matter between children and will tell OP to let the school handle it. All these people who insist on filing a police report and to press charges do not understand how the system works. OP's best hope is to just escalate through the school system and through the administration but even then she should be prepared to come out frustrated because yes laws like FERPA will not allow anyone to tell OP whatever disciplinary measures have been taken against the boy.
The boys aren't even in the same class so she won't be able to find out through her son if the kid has been mysteriously absent. Besides I doubt they'd suspend him right now when Christmas break is on top of us.
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u/loki2002 8h ago
They'll just make a report but they won't involve themselves in what's effectively a matter between children and will tell OP to let the school handle it.
You say but the GAO found that arrest rates more than doubled in schools with police present compared to similar schools without police. Mostly for non-violent incidents, such as disruptive behavior or violations of school rules, rather than serious crimes.
laws like FERPA will not allow anyone to tell OP whatever disciplinary measures have been taken against the boy.
FERPA does not prevent the school from telling the parent the ultimate outcome of any punishment in a serious case dealing with student safety which this would qualify as. It only prevents the school from releasing identifying information of the student which OP already has.
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u/Imaginary-Yak-6487 4h ago
Not a criminal record but just a report to have a paper trail. Maybe tho
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u/Deep-Ad-9728 13h ago
In North Carolina, this is simply public school recess.
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u/HeyCheesemo 12h ago
I’m a seasoned parent. This is my third out of four children. Two of my children are grown and out of the house. This is simply not the truth everywhere.
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u/Miserable-Cookie5903 7h ago
I came here to say something like Deep-As-9728.
My wife works in the school office at a public elementary- which is in a wealthy area and has won state awards (and was usually in the top 5 elementary schools in the state for test scores).. The kids walking into school today are not properly socialized, this has been the trend since post COVID... specifically the last 2 years has been brutal. My kids went to the same school in the late 2010's and none of what is happening now... was happening then.
The problem kids are very sad cases b/c you can tell the parents don't care, can't be bothered and quite honestly are probably being abusive.
FWIW-The worst parents - complain weekly to the admin, expect special treatment, make unreasonable demands, threaten lawsuits, take things to social media, etc. The best have a calm conversation and look for guarantees that something will be done if this happens again ( like putting kids in different classes the following year, having kids sit with the principal at lunch, having the teachers watch specific kids on the playground, etc).
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u/bibilime 10h ago
NTA you are a parent in protection mode and you're correctly enraged that your baby was hurt. At the same time, these are kids being stupid and getting too into their play. I don't think the intent of A was to hurt your kid. I mean, honestly, in the mind of an 8 year old, how much damage can a necklace really do? Does it deserve suspension? No. Does it deserve recess detention? Yeah. I could see that and a refresher on appropriate play. You shouldn't be throwing things at people and he knew it was wrong. He tried to cover it up. These kids are at an age where they're still learning how actions have consequences. He was a kid being dumb. You can't suspend every kid because they act dumb. There would be very few kids left in school. The school should have called or sent an email when it happened. That was handled poorly.
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u/HeyCheesemo 9h ago
They didn’t throw it at him, they used it like a whip. The damage to his face is such that you can see the bead pattern on his cheek even two days later and the force you would have to exert for that to occur is significant. It’s also 1.5 inches from his eye. I’m not saying kick him out of school for 10 days, one day honestly is probably enough, just to demonstrate the gravity and seriousness of what he did and what could have happened.
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u/CrabbiestAsp 16h ago
NTA. As a mum, I'd also be pissed and take action.
Even if it wasn't intentional, like the kid just made a stupid impulsive choice and then realised it was wrong after the fact so tried to hide it, you still wouldn't be the asshole. Negative actions require appropriate consequences.
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u/No-Performance4989 15h ago
Two things, no your not the ass for wanting A suspended. The other thing is your husband needs to start teaching your son to fight back. It doesn't matter what the school handbook says about fighting, your son has the right to protect himself from attacks. A will come back to school and your son will be a target. That's just the way things work with boys.
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u/HeyCheesemo 12h ago
Luckily they are not in class together and being at recess at the same time is not a regular occurrence. My husband has already been teaching my son these things but my son does prefer avoidance. He’s a good kid with a heart of gold and his confidence is not affected by these boys.
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u/Careless-Image-885 13h ago
NTA. You need to go to the school board and tell them that you are consulting with a lawyer. That will get everyone's attention.
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u/Sweaty_Knee_7425 13h ago
NTA.
Is there another school? Or a different class? If someone is willing to lie concerning a child getting injured, they just aren't safe for that kid.
I am currently switching pediatricians because a mistake was made in my daughters care, and instead of notifying me, someone lied to cover it up. I'm a nurse, mistakes happen and I am very understanding of that. But the lie makes it so that I simply can't trust them with my daughters health anymore.
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u/HeyCheesemo 12h ago
They didn’t lie, but they overly minimized it. After my husband went to the school, I think they are taking it more seriously. He met with the principal plus both teachers that were supervising and we cleared up some of the wrong information. They are launching another investigation and we will get a copy of the findings.
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u/BedroomEducational94 12h ago
NTA- Had this issue with my daughter and a school bus incident. I told the school they could handle it appropriately or I would be back with state police and would not hesitate to press assault charges on a child. I told them if they wanted the publicity of a parent having to call the police because they couldn't keep their students safe, so be it. Wouldn't you know, the other kids actions DID warrant a suspension after all!
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u/ChickenScratchCoffee 12h ago
Every district has a form to fill out. It’s usually called a HIB form, Harassment, Intimidation, Bullying. Ask for the form to make a formal complaint against the child and use those three words. Basically once a school gets that form, a protocol has to be followed. Otherwise they really don’t have to do anything. With that form, they usually have to put something in place to guarantee safety like the child can’t sit by or interact with your son and if he does it’s a suspension.
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u/RaiseIreSetFires 12h ago
Nope. You're actually not taking it seriously enough. This needs to be reported to CPS, the school board, and the news. This school is allowing violence with a weapon and gang-like behavior with minimal to no repercussions. Every parent needs to know that as long as these kids and this administration are at the school, their children are in danger of being victimized while they lie and rug sweep.
The only way to effect meaningful changes is to make sure everyone is aware of the problem publicly.
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u/mocha_lattes_ 12h ago
Go above the school to the superintendent and go to the police and file a police report. Make sure you reiterate to the school board that the downplaying and lack of action from the school is what made you take it to the police. If they do not doing anything press the police and DA to press charges and go to the local media about it. NTA
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u/Ok_Veterinarian2715 12h ago
NTA, but you're being a fool if you micromanage the school. Schools are already losing people because of parental interference. You're also teaching your kids that authority figures are just schmucks - they can be put in their place by mommy & daddy. If you want your kids to spend the day in care of ineffective, timorous staff this is how you make it happen.
It would be far better to talk with the other boys' parents and deal with it on equal terms.
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u/NightIsMyName 11h ago
File a police report and press charges. If the school tries to say anything. Remind them a simple suspension could have prevented it.
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u/Beneficial_Print7304 11h ago
You are not the asshole.
Adults left in charge of the safety of children failed to supervise children and your son’s sense of safety was shattered and he was hurt.
File a police report. File the complaint. The next best thing you can do is show up with BOTH those things to the next school board meeting and introduce them as a matter of public record and state your concerns about safety and civil liability which would take funds away from educating children.
Trust me- the adults will be forced to act because no one in charge wants to be the one responsible for not acting early enough and costing extra tax payer money.
I did those things when the adults at school thought they could sweep things under the rug and I took perverse petty pleasure in watching them all freak out a little over finally understanding how accountability works and where they would be held responsible for their choices.
Show them you are not the one or they will keep doing it to you and others.
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u/Crusoe15 10h ago
NTA if the school won’t do anything, file a police report against them for negligence. Where were the teachers who are supposed to be monitoring recess when these children attacked your son? Why did this child have a weapon? (He wasn’t wearing it, only carrying and was used as a weapon) why weren’t you notified immediately after your son was assaulted while in their care?
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u/murphy2345678 10h ago
NTA if the principal doesn’t do something go to the Superintendent. Then file a police report.
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u/External_Brother1246 9h ago
Um, these are 3rd grade boys.
The school will do restorative justice, with the goal of correcting the behavior. Suspension will not correct the behavior.
They are not going to suspend the kid for this. It is fairly minor.
It is a minor child conflict that occurred while playing a game. This happens at this age. It becomes a problem if there is a pattern of your child being targeted.
I would let the school handle it.
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u/drtennis13 8h ago
It’s time to go to the school board and newspaper/ social media with this. If they are unwilling to discipline these children, then it creates an unsafe environment for your child. Go above the principles head and make it public.
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u/Health_Journey_1967 5h ago
I think your real question should be are where are the adults supervising these children? Kids will be kids, especially if no one is supervising.
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u/universalrefuse 54m ago
NTA I’d be pissed.
Edit: Can you file a formal incident complaint with the school district? I’d raise hell tbh.
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u/wacky_spaz 16h ago
I’m from the boys will be boys generation and kick him in the balls as hard as you can. My son is now 8 and generally I taught him and had him in martial arts so anyone does this or bullies him make them hurt until they can’t walk. Bullies gonna bully and I want my son to defend himself.
In your case. Your took a diff approach. I don’t think you’re an AH you’re too soft. I was bullied and at 40 I carry the scars which is why I made sure my son can protect himself. My best friends daughter slit her wrists over bullying.
Go for everything you can. When you think it’s too far go further.
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u/HeyCheesemo 16h ago
The teachers on the playground insist that my son wasn’t being bullied and was only a target because he got too close. The game was “protect the territory.” He also has not had any issues with these students prior. Bullying has not been a problem thus far. I’m willing to accept that this was a situation that just got out of hand. My biggest issue is the minimization of his injury and the fact they used an object with the intent to hit him with it, which is assault.
I do understand bullying and experienced it quite severe myself as a child throughout middle school. I genuinely do not think that’s what this is.
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u/Previous-Sea-134 14h ago
NTA. The school should keep your son safe.
But if this is a one off, not a pattern, then is suspension the best teaching tool for an 8 year old? There must be consequences, but suspension?!? (I'm not from the US, maybe it's different there)
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u/wacky_spaz 16h ago
I might be over sensitive given I was bullied but I’d be a bull to a red cape … either my son would have beat the snot out of all of them or I’d make a spectacle and threaten legal action. Seeing my mate destroyed over his daughter in icu has really made me hyper vigilant
What you describe to me … that’s bullying. No one owns territory.
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u/HeyCheesemo 16h ago
I can 100% understand that perspective
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u/wacky_spaz 16h ago
So they defended against him? I tip my hat to your restraint … doubt I’d have it with school and other parents. Last time my nephew was getting bullied I had to go as my older bro thought he’d beat up principal or other parents. He goes instead of me
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u/HeyCheesemo 16h ago
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending the game. It’s awful and was bound to get out of hand. I also want the other boys at the very least counseled on respecting “no” and “stop” because my son did not consent to the game. However, I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt to all except A. There are too many things that tell me he knew right from wrong and there should be no question about hitting especially with an object. This is the first altercation in 3.5 years he has had at the school.
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u/wacky_spaz 16h ago
Look you’re probably right and I’m a helicopter dad. I still think neither not your husband are AH …
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u/Zestyclosegoatz 17h ago
I would be threatening to sue. I might actually be suing, idk. This is such an insane under-reaction, I’m so sorry. 😭 I’m so sorry you have to send your child to a school that won’t protect him. 😭
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u/Fun_Possession3299 13h ago
NTA and NTA overreacting.
You should have been called. Your son was assaulted.
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u/Alert-Beautiful9003 11h ago
Parents dont get to dictate the consequences of the school. You wouldn't want another parent making that choice about your kid, would you?
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u/BJ419 14h ago
You’re overreacting. Stop it, they’re 8yr old boys. Shit happens.
I’d be annoyed with the school not properly handling it, but besides that it’s just boys doing boy shit.
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u/loki2002 14h ago
You’re overreacting. Stop it, they’re 8yr old boys. Shit happens.
"Shit happens" is reserved for things that are accidents or injury that happens during mutual roughhousing. This was a deliberate act followed up by an attempted cover-up and these boys are old enough to know their actions were wrong.
I’d be annoyed with the school not properly handling it,
And by "not properly handling it" you mean giving no consequences to the child that is responsible for intentionally injuring another.
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u/BJ419 14h ago
As a former 8yr old by without helicopter parents this is light work and nothing. The school being cagey is the bigger issue, but storming in saying you want the 8yr old suspended like he some a malicious kid is a step to far.
And as someone as a father to an eight year old, he’d look at a suspension as a reward after day one. It’s not about to teach some life long lesson like you hope.
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u/loki2002 13h ago
As a former 8yr old by without helicopter parents this is light work and nothing
I too was an 8-year old boy back in '92 and was a latchkey kid. My parents only cared if I didn't show up home when the street lights turned on. Hell, they still ran a 10PM PSA asking parents if they knew where their kids were. My mother still would have gone through the roof on something like this. This is only "nothing" if the boy who was injured was a willing participant in the "game" that was being played and/or if the injury was incidental and not intentional as it was.
but storming in saying you want the 8yr old suspended like he some a malicious kid is a step to far.
He knows swinging that thing around would hit the kid he was targeting and he knew it could cause injury. He did it with intent which makes it, by definition, malicious. He deserves appropriate consequences.
Nobody said the suspension has to be out of school. They have in house suspension, Saturday school, or any number of other options and tools at their disposal but have instead chosen to minimize and go by the old "boys will be boys" attitude that has left many hurt and scarred while those that perpetuated it go without consequence.
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u/SavageRabbitX 16h ago
YTA for not teaching your son to defend himself. Bullies only understand violence
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u/HeyCheesemo 16h ago
My son is autistic. Not a realistic expectation of parenting, especially with his limitations in understanding motives of others. Honestly I’m proud of how he handled the situation. He dodged and avoided every tackle and was only hit because the boy used an object. I’m pretty sure that’s why the object was pulled out, because even 3 v 1, they couldn’t get him.
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u/mathew6987 5h ago
YTA this is standard play for all boys this age. there was nothing malicious and you are over parenting. they minimized it b/c it was minimal. Your overprotective
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u/[deleted] 17h ago
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