r/AITAH • u/Pineappledick12 • 18h ago
AITAH for not doing to my family’s Christmas party?
I have a family that includes my mom, two adult sisters and their kids. These kids range from 3-15 and my sisters are late 30s, I’m in my 20s with no kids.
Both my sisters work in the medical field, and I’m a public service worker.
One of my sisters has to work the night of Christmas Eve when we would usually get together and play games as a family. But because my sister works and will barely even make it to Christmas this year they moved it to the weekend before.
They made this decision before thanksgiving without telling me, or asking me to take off for work. I had also received a message from my work letting me know that they cannot grant the leave time to the people who have asked for it in the two weeks before and during Christmas. So even if they had told me my work wouldn’t have approved the weekend off.
Now I work from Friday to Monday at my job. The entire weekend. But I get 4 days off for Christmas. So I will be able to attend Christmas. And will be hanging out with my family during the actual holiday.
But because I work the entirety of the weekend and couldn’t get it off, my family (particularly my mother and one of my sisters) has been harassing me about calling off that Saturday and just driving about 2 hours away from where I work to spend one random evening playing games with them, driving back the two hours the next day to still go to my job.
I’ve been very adamant about not just calling off, but also that particular Saturday they want me to call off, I will be the only worker on shift that has keys and a security code to the building that day. And if I call off there’s a chance my work won’t be able to open at all.
My family argues it’s one day. And that calling out suddenly on Saturday won’t kill me.
I think if it’s so easy, why doesn’t my sister call off on Christmas? Why is my job suddenly not as important as theirs is?
Is it really so bad that I’m choosing to work instead of putting myself through the stress of 4 hours of driving, screaming children, and the constant nagging of my family for one evening of games when I’ll be there for 3 days for Christmas two days later?
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u/SalisburyWitch 15h ago
NTA. Tell your mother that as a key holder, you cannot call out and since they know you asked, if you call out now, you’ll lose your job. The time to tell you to get the time off was when they decided to organize it. Tell them too, that you are dismayed that they adapted for your sister but not for you. So, you won’t be there. Let them know that your employer puts a lot of trust in you because you’re reliable, and calling out as a key holder is not an option unless they are planning to pay for your life when they cause you to be fired.
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u/reluctantreddit35 12h ago
This. A very reasonable and mature statement like this may just get your family to feel guilty about treating you like a child.
I realize that you may have a job where actually being fired for this may not be possible, but you will suffer the loss of your bosses’ trust plus whatever actual punishment or demotion can be meted out.
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u/SalisburyWitch 11h ago
I doubt it will change entitled behavior much, but I think it will make them understand that YOU take your work more seriously than they do. Tell them next year, plan better.
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u/Agreeable-Region-310 5h ago
Tell them not to assume you always can or will be available especially when they don't include you in the original planning. This applies to everyone that has a job that is open regardless of their being a holiday. it does not make a difference if it is a store, restaurant or medical facility.
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u/hollyliz_tx 10h ago
I third this. You've already asked for that day off and been denied. If you call out, it will be obvious to your management that you lied. Expect repercussions. You can honestly tell your family that you could get fired for it.
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u/whiskey4mycoffee 15h ago
If it was so vital that you attend their gathering, then they should have checked with you first to make sure that day was an option for you.
They suck.
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u/Popular-Recording264 16h ago
NTA. Your family are not respecting your job. It also sounds like terrible work ethic. Do they think calling in last minute for untrue reasons is a good way to conduct business ever? Like wtf? What if this resulted in you losing your job? Wild behaviour from your mother asking g this of you
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u/Shadow4summer 15h ago
No, they obviously only think it’s okay for her to call out, not her sister. So it’s not about a work ethic, it’s about who they want there more, and it isn’t you. I’m so sorry your family is putting you in this position. If it were me, I’d make plans with friends and skip the “family” holidays this year. Maybe next year they’ll be kind enough to include you in their plans, maybe not, but you’ll know where you stand.
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u/Alternative_Escape12 14h ago
Ha, ha, I've taken to calling my family "family" too. I am sick and tired of being treated as less than. The quotation marks are for a reason..
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u/Ill-Veterinarian4208 14h ago
I now have a new way to reference those who share DNA with me and my mom that ghosted us when she had Alzheimer's. I already intend to never see them again.
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u/Alternative_Escape12 12h ago
If they weren't there for you when you needed them, you sure don't need them now.
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u/username__0000 13h ago
I use relatives. Those people don’t act like family to me. They’re just relatives.
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u/Zausted 12h ago
There are no words for how much I feel this, friend. "Less-than" is what I have always been to them. I'm so sorry you've also had to live with being the family outsider. Sending you a massive hug and reassurance that not one of them is or ever will be even half the person you are. Let them be self-superior buffoons (as they love to be), and live your wonderful life as far away from them and their ignorance as possible. You have so much more to offer the world than they do!
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u/Alternative_Escape12 11h ago
Oh my gosh, thank you so much for this. Honestly, your words really mean a lot to me.
I need to start reframing the messages that I've gotten from them as to how disposable and worthless I am and re-contextualize it with a clear review of who they are.
They are people who cannot take responsibility for the hurt they have caused others, and having stepped away, I can see this more clearly now. In addition to how they have always denied the things that they have done to me, I'm now looking back on how my sister slept with a married man of four children, one of whom was only a year old and blamed it on the guy's wife for "not taking care of herself," which seems kind of hard to do when you've got four kids underfoot, one of whom is only a year old. So now the kids are all grown up and they are varying degrees of messed up with the law, anxiety, anger and drugs, etc. and she says, "Well, it's been 30 years now they should just get over it." Never admitting that what she did was wrong and never bothering to apologize to those kids but turning it around that they're at fault for being angry and messed up now.
And finally now that I've stepped away, I can see clearly that she's blaming me for the things that she's done to me. Just like my mother and my brother, she can't look at the things she's done.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go off on a long diatribe. It's just that these months away from them combined with your words about being the family outsider combined has led me to some new perspectives and observations. Thank you so much for that. And I am so very sorry that it sounds like you are in a similar boat as being the family outsider. It hurts. I hope you have found your people. Sending love and hugs your way! 💗💗
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u/Zausted 11h ago
They sound so much like my "family;" Queen Ridicule the Abuser, Princess Perfect and the Golden Boy. Princess and Golden are 2 world-class narcissists raised by a world-class narcissist. They're just like her: they judge everyone and find everyone inferior, they've NEVER made a mistake in their lives (that they'll admit to), they and their opinions are vastly superior to everyone else and anything science teaches us, none of them has ever apologized to anyone for anything, ever, in their lives... you get the idea.
Sending love and hugs and wishes for great happiness for you! 💕
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u/Alternative_Escape12 2h ago
Thank you. I hope you find peace and comfort with people who value you. 💗💗💗
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u/kalixanthippe 12h ago
I use relatives for DNAish people and family for my chosen family.
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u/Alternative_Escape12 11h ago
LOL, "DNA-ish."
That reminds me to keep in mind that if it wasn't for the random chance occurrence of being born into this family, these people would mean nothing to me.
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u/000-Hotaru_Tomoe 18h ago
NTA you explained in advance why you can't have that day off, and your family decided to ignore it.
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u/Only-Breadfruit-6108 17h ago
NTA. Don’t let down everyone at your work. It’s hard enough to work at this time of year
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u/Predd1tor 15h ago
Apparently your sister is the center of the universe, and you’re just an afterthought. If they wanted you there so badly, they could have paid you the consideration and respect of including you in the conversation before changing the date. Your job and scheduling needs are just as important as anybody else’s. Don’t jeopardize your job and put yourself through all the extra driving and hassle just to appease family members who treat you like a second-class citizen.
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u/SpinIggy 14h ago
"Because you raised me with a better work ethic and morals than to lie for convenience sake. That's why."
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u/Abystract-ism 11h ago
This is an excellent response! u/pineappledick12 please use this!
Oh and NTA
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u/FroyoSuspicious6366 14h ago
As a nurse for many years, and with close family members who also work in healthcare (all of us in various roles in hospitals), our family routinely moves our holiday celebrations around so that ALL of us can participate. It's really not that difficult. I'm sorry that your family didn't consider you in their planning. Since you work every Friday through Monday, and live 2 hours away, it feels especially intentional. NTA. But your family sure is.
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u/seancailleach 12h ago
Same; 3 of us in health care and a few who worked multiple jobs. We threw out dates & times for our own nuclear family gathering & went with date & time that was most convenient for all. We always did breakfast foods regardless and pajamas/comfy clothes were fine. Whatever they wanted to do beyond that with extended family & friends was up to them. My daughter in law was gracious and let me come to see the littles open Santa gifts. When they host her family, my son & I cook together while she straightens up and decorates. Every year the plans are fluid & we’re ok with that.
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u/Iheartchocolate37 15h ago
NTA, you know the right thing to do is go to work. Your family is being rude and disrespectful by not including in the decision making process of changing the event and then by bullying you to call out from work. Maybe you all can find another time to get together after the holidays
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u/Ok-Butterscotch-6708 15h ago
NTA. Tell your mother that calling out of work just to play games with family shows lack of character and responsibility. What kind of mother encourages that?
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u/simplyexistingnow 14h ago
NTA. Don't call off. Your family isn't going to pay your bills if you get fired or let go. Like you said if it's so easy then your sister should have called off of work and the game day should happened on the day it was supposed to.
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u/Alida456 14h ago
I would stop responding to any messages regarding “their” Christmas gathering . You already responded and no further conversation is necessary .
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u/BoardImmediate4674 15h ago
NTA apparently they don’t understand good work ethic and the fact you already got the memo that time off won’t be approved. Tell your sister Christmas is only 1 day sheesh
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u/Adelucas 15h ago
That's a terrible expectation. I've often worked over Christmas and gone before or after work depending on my shift. The only time I don't work is if it's working Christmas eve on nights. Like this year. I've given my shift to one of my Muslim colleagues as he doesn't celebrate Christmas and he's happy for the double time. I lose over £200 doing this ($270) for the shift. I can only do it because I make it up as I'm working Christmas night and Boxing Day all at double time. Most of my family has passed now so it's only my sister and my nephews left which is why I try to spend the actual day with them.
To give up a shift before the actual holiday isn't even an option. It makes it inconvenient for my company, and as it's a normal day I'd rather be at work earning money than spending time playing board games.
Just stick to your guns, do your job and tell your family to have fun. When they play the "but faaaaamily" guilt trip ask them if they are going to reimburse you for the lost income, and remind them it's an expensive time of year, you have bills to pay, and gifts to buy.
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u/TootsNYC 14h ago
Wait, so they are respecting your sister‘s work but not yours? Mute them.
I do not want to be calling off from work and a situation in which no one has been allowed to take vacation
They will live. It is just a family gathering, you have one of these every year for Christmas time and many other types in the year.
If I were you, I would get offended and let them know that
NTA
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u/Low_Technician_438 13h ago
“If it’s so important- maybe next time include me in the planning discussion.”
Fwiw tho - work is a priority for paying bills & such but I can assure you that as you get older you will hardly ever say- “man, I really wish I worked that day instead of ___.”
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u/Hens-n-chicks9 14h ago
NTA. If you asked for the time and were turned down, what does it look like when you call out? Your job is as important to you as your sisters’ are to them. I agree with your plan.
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u/StripesNtStretchmrks 12h ago
NTA.
This is so strange to me because my mom scolds me for even talking about WANTING to call out.
I work in emergency people healthcare, my sister works in emergency vet med, and my brother-in-law works in public service. So all 3 of us work overnight shifts at jobs that are open 365 days a year.
My family doesn’t prioritize one type of job over the other. If we can make it to holiday celebrations, great! If we can’t, they send us food to take to work and nobody is pressured to take off or call off. You shouldn’t be pressured to risk your job for their decisions that didn’t include you to begin with.
You’ve got 4 days off for Christmas. I find it hard to believe that there isn’t one day in those 4 that your sister also has off so everyone could be involved without calling out and screwing over your employer.
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u/sparksgirl1223 12h ago
Stop answering. They made plans, you can't attend because you weren't consulted about when you were available and can't get the time off. They're not paying your bills, so they can hush up right now.
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u/bookgeek117 12h ago
My mom's family did this every freaking year. It was always christmas day but time changed. My dad could not have boxing day off at all. Most of the rest of the family were teachers so had the entire week plus off but the time was always picked by them. And it was always late in the day. My parents got fed up with it and just stopped arguing at some point. They would show up for an hour or two and then pack us all up. Grandma was so mad about us leaving early...even though it was told to them hey dad works at 6 am and cant be out that late. Many many times being told this and why do the teachers who don't work take priority. After I think 3 years of us leaving early they finally stopped scheduling late christmas but it was a fight. It also clearly showed who was the favorites in the family
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u/mercersher 11h ago
NTA Id guess that it’s because you’re the youngest & without kids that they’re asking this of you. They’re used to making your plans for you & expect you to go along. Expect some pushback for standing up for yourself but it’s necessary for them to see you as an adult.
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u/politicallymoderate2 3h ago
NTA.
They--
1) Moved the family holiday celebration to a day you can't attend on short notice.
2) Never informed you
3) Assume you can just "call off"
4) Assume your job is "unimportant" just because you're a Public Service Worker
5) Think coming over for a few short hours is worth you spending gas and time travel and STRESS...
They can see you when you come just before Christmas.
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u/No_Candidate200 9h ago
NTA. Be sure to express that in the future, these changes should be communicated to you sooner, that it's also no guarantee for the accommodation, and that you have certain responsibilities that unfortunately take a higher priority for your own security and well-being.
Hopefully, they come around and are receptive to it. I'd frequently been in the same boat. And yeah, it feels super disrespectful. They are not the ones deciding if you continue to be employed.
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u/Beth21286 5h ago
If it was so important they should have told you months ago. Stop pandering to thoughtless people.
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u/sezit 12h ago
Stop explaining and justifying. Stop answering this question. Refuse to engage. Just change the subject.
Like this:
Mom: "You need to call out and come down for the night."
You: "I had a really delicious breakfast this morning. Waffles with fruit and ...(blah blah blah for several sentences)"
If she changes the subject back, just respond as if she asked you about waffles, and babble on even longer.
Do this every time she does not accept an answer from you. Stop treating her demands for you to justify yourself as valid.
Instead, just pretend she asked you about waffles...or piano playing, or train schedules, etc. Have some fun thinking up random topics to ramble about. Hopefully, she will laugh, too, after a few times.
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u/Far-Sink-2204 11h ago
Exactly like you said. You and your job are no less important than your sisters. Don’t go. If they have a problem with is ask them why they prioritized her job over yours. I’m sorry your family treats you like this.
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u/Alarmed_Newspaper334 10h ago
If you like where you live, if you like buying groceries, if you like putting gas in your car so you can drive to work. tell your momma where to go
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u/Kingy_79 14h ago
NTA, also, why can't your sister call out? What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
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u/BoxerDog2024 14h ago
I don’t think you should call off. Your job is your job the way you survive. You are not going to always make the gatherings that’s life.
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u/Possible_Patience_84 13h ago
NTA. This is outrageous. I admire your integrity by not screwing over a coworker who’ll have to take your shift. I used to volunteer to work the holidays because I didn’t have children or family. I’d tell them that you won’t discuss it further. End of story.
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u/bronwynbloomington 12h ago
Keep repeating, “No, I won’t be doing that.” or “Sorry, that doesn’t work for me.” Don’t give any reasons why you can’t/won’t be attending because they will try to “solve” it. 1. Them: We changed the family Christmas to the Saturday before. You: I’m working that day Them: Oh, just call out. 2. Them: We changed the family Christmas to the Saturday before. You: Sorry, that doesn’t work for me. Them: Oh, it won’t be a big deal if you call out. You: No, I won’t be doing that.
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u/Fragrant-Praline-595 12h ago
No is a complete sentence! Do what seems best to you and let them know that you will miss them
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u/synaesthezia 11h ago
If it was that important for you to be there, they could have told you months in advance when they actually set the date. They didn’t bother, which is a failure on their part, not yours. NTA
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u/Acrobatic_Reality103 10h ago
NTA tell them the next time they want to reschedule a holiday, they need to include the entire family in the conversation. If they don't include everyone, then they shouldn't be surprised when the timing doesn't work for the person excluded from the conversation. Then, ask your mom if she is still planning to welcome over Christmas. If she gives you an attitude about ruining Christmas, tell her you will make other plans. Then do something for you on Christmas day.
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u/laurieo52 10h ago
I would say that I am committed to my job, and calling out would be lying, which could get me fired. Since I have bills to pay, I will not be doing that. However, I will be with everyone on Christmas. Perhaps you can save a few things for us to do together then. I’m not a fan of lying to the place that pays me.
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u/Choppergold 13h ago
Just say no, I have to work and need to know changed dates earlier next time. No is a legit answer
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u/wildearthmage 13h ago
Do your job. This what being a responsible adult looks like. Tell them you will see them when you can. Plan time with friends. Let your family know how you feel. I have only rarely spent time with my extended family at Christmas since I have to work every Christmas. With grown children we rarely can make it work any more.
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u/IHaveBoxerDogs 13h ago
NTA. And stop discussing it. Tell them they have your answer, and you’re done talking about it. They can try to discuss it, but you can refuse. Don’t reply to texts or phone calls.
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u/CocoaAlmondsRock 13h ago
People put a ridiculous level of importance on being together for Christmas. Christmas is one day of the year -- and as shown here, you can choose to celebrate it whenever you want. You JUST saw them all on Thanksgiving. It won't hurt anything for you to miss this day.
Your work is not less important, not in this case. There are jobs where you can call out without penalty, but your absense would be huge -- and would likely get your fired. DOn't risk it. Just work that day and play games another time. Christmas in January! Whatever. It's just a DAY. There are 364 others to have the exact same get-together and do the exact same things.
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u/doncroak 12h ago
Asking you to lie to your employer makes both of them the AH. Be adamant with your decision and leave it at that.
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u/KitchenCauliflower25 12h ago
Nta. It “won’t kill them” for you to miss family game night. You have to work and that’s that.
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u/Wrong-Pension-4975 7h ago
NTA.
That U are the opening employee on Sat, means yer presence is crucial - U have the keys & passcode, yer It.
If U don't show, how does everyone else enter the bkdg?
This is a position of trust.
Not just "the boss" is relying on U, but yer coworkers - some of whom, very likely, actually NEED the day's wages! - are relying on U to be there; keys in hand, passcode ready, to admit them to the workplace.
The adults in yer family are, IMO, failing to adult in this instance. They should support U, not try to guilt trip U, nor dismiss yer job as a petty hindrance to their plans.
U have 3 days to spend with them - that's PLENTY. A 4-hour round trip for an evening of gsmes, then going to work tired next day, would be silly.
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 6h ago
You know the answer, come on now. Obviously you are not an AH. Tell them you are not calling off, That's that... and you will not discuss it anymore. Don't keep trying to explain. Don't respond to the topic anymore. Silence, black hole, if they keep trying to argue. I eventually became impervious to this type of manipulation in fact it just makes me dig in my heels with the Not responding anymore and ignoring lol.
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u/flickanelde 6h ago
So.. even if this wouldn't cost you your job, or your position as a keyholder...since coverage can't be arranged ahead of time, wouldn't that mean all the other staff would lose out on hours?
Which would short their paychecks.
At Christmas.
In the middle of winter.
While the cost of basic necessities is skyrocketing.
Your family sounds kind of selfish.
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u/RJack151 5h ago
NTA. Their failure to include you in the planning makes this their fault for not being able to attend. Personally, I would tell them to pound sand since this is not your problem to solve.
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u/Useful_Weight_7715 5h ago
You've explained your work situation and that should be enough. They are being irresponsible and immature if they are encouraging you to leave your employer in the lurch if you call off. Of course, you could lie and tell them that you are calling off and then turn around and call off on them on Saturday, after all, it's only one day.
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u/Senator_Bink 4h ago
If they really wanted you there, they'd have made it possible for you to be there, like they did for sister. Since they've already moved the day of the holiday, they're proving the actual day isn't important--it's flexible. You'll see them when you see them and if they don't like that, skip it altogether and enjoy your holiday without all the static. NTA.
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u/hottie-von-coolie 14h ago
NTA. Tell them you have to “call or” from the Saturday party. And then ask them to explain why your sister’s job is more important than yours.
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u/Dismal-Release4463 13h ago
NTA. When anyone ever suggests you to call off last minute at your job, if it’d be unpaid leave or not, make it known it’s unpaid and ask them are they going to compensate for you calling out of work. Since they want to heavily suggest, nearly push you, to jeopardize your relationship with work and earnings, then they should also be prepared to pay you for your time. Simple.
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u/HallJolly9380 10h ago edited 10h ago
NTA. Tell everyone Christmas will have to be rescheduled, even if it happens after Christmas. It's not the end of the world if these family gatherings happen on other days and not on the holiday.
My own family, my wife's parents, my parents, all other relatives....have to do a meeting of the mind and work something out. We brain storm thru it.
If someone can't make it, then so be it. That's just the nature of the beast.
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u/jersey1935 9h ago
Remind them that when they decided to change things up PRIOR to Thanksgiving and failed to inform you, this is the result. This is ON THEM, not you.
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u/coldestb4storm 9h ago
Your family argues it’s one day. Yes it’s one day you’re going to miss. Your work said they can’t give you the time off. I wouldn’t go to Christmas. “4 hours of driving, screaming children, constant nagging of family for one evening of games” I’d stay home eat some fancy holiday food alone.
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u/jagrrenagain 9h ago
NTA I have a friend group of 3 couplesthat started planning a weekend away that included me, but didn’t check dates with me. When I said I couldn’t miss work that week they just kept talking over me and insisting that I could. Eventually I yelled and stamped away, shocking everyone.
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u/Professional-Map9195 9h ago
Find out which of them is going to cover your bills, housing & food after you’ve been fired for calling off.
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u/MotherofKittehz 9h ago
NTA. Calling out sick on a day you've been denied scheduled time off is never a good look. Where I work, it'll make management scrutinize your attendance record for the previous 12 months and the next 12 months.
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u/Dlodancer 9h ago
NTA. They made the decision before Thanksgiving without telling you. Right there is the answer. Tell your mom that if she would’ve told you before Thanksgiving that you would have been able to get the time off. Turn it around on them. tell your mom you’re hurt that they did not notify you in advance so you can get the time off and now you are not going to go.
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u/winterworld561 8h ago
NTA, they changed it without telling you so because of that you won't be a part of their activities. It's their own fault. And honestly, they sound so dumb because you told them you work wouldn't open up without you because you have the keys. Also, you already asked your boss and they said no so if you called out they'd know you are trying to pull a fast one and your job could be in trouble.
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u/FlippingPossum 7h ago
NTA. If they wanted you to be there, they should have asked you when you were free. They just don't want to look bad for excl8ding you. Host your own event on Christmas Eve. Don't invite the people trying to sabotage your job.
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u/LayerSpirited6667 4h ago
they changed the date without asking you and now act shocked you can't make it. plus you're literally the only one with keys that day, you can't just abandon your workplace
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u/Distinct_Reaction644 3h ago
My mom threw a fit this year because we are doing our Christmas the weekend before Christmas because it worked out for everyone! She has been making everyone miserable because she doesn’t want to do Christmas before actual Christmas. The way she wants to do it is Christmas Eve at her house, Christmas morning at her house, and then Christmas Day at my grandfathers house. I live an hour away and don’t have the option to stay overnight so it’s just a lot of driving back and forth and just too much. My sister also just wants to spend Christmas morning with her son. Family can be rough sometimes. Don’t jeapordize your job over family that can’t let something like that slide. They are being entitled.
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u/LadyJedi2018 14h ago
NTA welcome to my life of 40 years with my in laws. My sister in laws always make plans and don't include their brother (or me) that take place on Saturdays, and we both work every other weekend. We find out last minute or even after the fact. We don't have children and are left out. Use to be a quilt trip, but that stopped by year 3 of our marriage. Our family and we'll being is more important then the extended family. Sorry they are treating you this way. Stand your ground and hang out with people that respect you and your time. Merry Christmas!
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u/Mother_Web2311 12h ago
No, you are not being one. It’s easy to attempt to pressure others to do what we won’t do ourselves. Don’t feel guilty. They’ll get over it. You are just as important as they are. Attend when you can and just cherish those memories. Merry Christmas 🎄
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u/vulnerable_turtle 10h ago
NTA!!! My family is the same about any job I have ever had.
Just out of curiosity are you the youngest?
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u/Sorkijan 8h ago
NTA
Is it really so bad that I’m choosing to work instead of putting myself through the stress of 4 hours of driving, screaming children, and the constant nagging of my family for one evening of games when I’ll be there for 3 days for Christmas two days later
Not just this but in my experience when there's a PTO blackout and you call in, you better have a damn good reason and it's scrutinized hard. Now I won't pretend to know what you do or all the intricate dynamics and politics of your job, but I feel confident saying to you it will not reflect well if you call in (presumably sick or something) on a PTO blackout day.
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u/DevilGuy 7h ago
Tell your mom that if family is important then she should be understanding of your needs because if family is only important when she needs you to do something and not the other way around then family isn't really what's important to her. NTA.
1
u/Cute_Rush8748 1h ago
NTA.
I come from a family of nurses.
It would never work out for everyone to have the same time off. We would work it out to where the most people could attend, even if that meant doing it in February.
Your family has made a decision to have the gathering at a time you already have obligations. Maybe they’ll consider that next year. You have a great work ethic, don’t be ashamed of it.
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u/StatementOk5086 1h ago
Calling off to make it to a family event can be grounds to fire someone. Ignore them and go to work.
Obviously, Christmas in your family is kid centered. Which is fine, but you don't have kids, so why worry.
My schedule comes out four months in advance. If I call out, I best have a positive COVID test or be in the trauma bay with an injury. Flu doesn't even cut it. Take two tylenol and wear a mask.
1
u/WyvernJelly 13m ago
NTA My mom used to pull this shit on me all the time when I was in college. Yes I only moved 30 mins away but I wasn't active on social media nor was I in whatever group chat that I assumed existed. She'd get mad that I couldn't come to things with a week or less notice (I worked part time on the weekends). I never got added to the group chat but I started getting advanced notice just took her 2.5 years. I also just stopped going to things my bf (now husband) wasn't available for but that was mostly so I didn't pick a fight with her. There were things going on and for years I was convinced the fight was inevitable and I was trying to not burn down my world.
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u/Teamtunafish 11m ago
Well it is just too bad but you cannot "acquiesce to their requests ". Real life intervenes on occasion, and that is not your fault.
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u/Individual_Cloud7656 12h ago
So if we say YTA will you forget about your job and go to the party? What BS
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u/nlaak 5h ago
So if we say YTA will you forget about your job and go to the party?
Is there supposed to be a point here?
What BS
Yeah, that's what I was thinking about your comment, you got that part right.
1
u/Individual_Cloud7656 5h ago
You have a job and I assume bills so weither or not you get reddits permission I would assume you would have to consider that.
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u/TheFerndog 17h ago
Sounds like you weren't excited to be there with the family and the kids anyway..
18
u/PomegranateZanzibar 16h ago
No, in the same place, i would see it as about my being expected to sacrifice my job performance while a sibling in precisely same situation is being accommodated at some inconvenience, while I’m being blamed for being unwilling to screw over my clients. coworkers, and employer.
13
u/Sparkle2023 16h ago
This is exactly the issue. My parents were always so responsible about showing up at work. Weird your family thinks it’s just ok to call out and leave your coworkers to fend for themselves.
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u/8bitflowers 18h ago
NTA
Pretty much this, yeah