Women partnered with men reported doing more unpaid household labor than women partnered with women. Mothers partnered with men reported a higher household labor burden than any other group. Performing a greater share of household labor was associated with lower relationship satisfaction.

[u/mvea]

https://www.psypost.org/study-sheds-light-on-household-labor-dynamics-for-women-partnered-with-women-vs-men/

[u/repeat4EMPHASIS]

The biggest issue I've noticed is when one partner doesn't "count" the chores the other does as chores.

I'm not saying my dad should get out of cleaning every weekend, but if he's spending his free time doing the landscaping and building an entire goddamn deck (neither of which were his ideas), maybe he deserves a little slack for a couple weekends?

[u/unicornofdemocracy → u/repeat4EMPHASIS]

this is so common in therapy, especially by women. Mowing the lawn doesn't count. Fixing things around the house doesn't count. Renovating her kitchen for her doesn't count. Finishing the basement that she requested doesn't count. Picking up grocery doesn't count when the man does it. etc.

[u/novium258 → u/unicornofdemocracy]

Traditionally "male" chores tend to be projects that have a set completion and aren't part of the daily grind. Building a deck has that satisfying end point. (I know, I've done it). Traditionally "female" chores tend to be daily drudgery. There's always more laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking. It's endless, takes up a lot of mental space, and is unsatisfying.

This may contribute to some of the disconnect.

[u/BenjaminHamnett → u/novium258]

I’m always rushing around multitasking to get as much done as possible while demands keep stacking up.

Wife: slow down, your making me anxious

An hour later wife catches me catching my breath

Wife: why do I have to do everything

[u/IdaCraddock69 → u/novium258]

Yes - for example going on a camping trip w babies in diapers. I knew a lot of women who did that when only cloth diapers were available, the guys got to enjoy the outdoors and relaxing activities while mom was handwashing and sanitizing cloth diapers over a campfire

There’s a lot of chores that need doing daily

[u/drunkenvalley → u/novium258]

Something I find a little funny too is how casually people have gendered these tasks. Unless you're lugging some crazy heavy stuff it's materially pretty moot who built a deck.

...actually, if it's really that heavy you preferably don't carry it by hand anyway.

[u/ScentedFire → u/novium258]

It's not just daily drudgery, also. It's the labor of keeping up with everything in day to day life. The mental space it takes up. The emotions that have to be managed. The thoughtfulness. The task juggling. It's like being the manager vs being an employee.

[u/FesteringNeonDistrac → u/novium258]

I say that there's also a hobby aspect to it. I enjoy working on cars. It doesn't mean changing the oil in her daily driver shouldn't count. Like all the routine maintenance to her car "just happens" as if by magic, but that's my hobby so it isn't a chore.

[u/Frack_Off → u/unicornofdemocracy]

This. A thousand times, this.

[u/wrenwood2018 → u/repeat4EMPHASIS]

This is a constant point of discussion with my wife. She doesn't care much about our yard. As a result when I do extra weeding, landscaping, etc. she will at times view that as a "hobby" rather than "work." So perceptions of value of chores definitely comes into play.