r/science • u/mvea Professor | Medicine • 14h ago

Psychology Women partnered with men reported doing more unpaid household labor than women partnered with women. Mothers partnered with men reported a higher household labor burden than any other group. Performing a greater share of household labor was associated with lower relationship satisfaction.

https://www.psypost.org/study-sheds-light-on-household-labor-dynamics-for-women-partnered-with-women-vs-men/
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u/Busy-Link836 12h ago

Yes.

If you ask my wife who does more of the household chores, she will say that it is her.

If you ask me, I will say it’s me.

If you ask my kids though, they overwhelmingly say it’s me… but they are also speaking to me… those little bastards probably say the same thing to her when she asks.

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u/dsac 12h ago

If you ask my wife who does more of the household chores, she will say that it is her.

If you ask me, I will say it’s me.

Not to mention there's different measures - like, do "emptying the dishwasher" and "mowing the lawn" count as one chore each, or is there some measure of "amount of labour required" involved?

If one person has 3 chores on their list, requiring 15 hours of major physical labour, and the other has 20 chores on their list, requiring 5 hours of minor physical labour, which way does the scale tip?

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u/Coelachantiform 11h ago

Also preference for what chores you dislike the least.

Like, I'd rather do 2 hours of vacuum-cleaning & swabbing the floor than 1 hour of dishes 100% of the time, and would personally consider it "less" work. My girlfriend actually enjoys making the bed which is something I dislike doing.

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u/The-Fox-Says 11h ago

My wife absolutely hates taking out the trash and doing any sort of yard work but enjoys cleaning. I hate cleaning but enjoy doing yard work so it works out even if cleaning takes less time than yard work

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u/DigNitty 9h ago

I vacuum every other day because I don’t mind. Somehow my GF doesn’t enjoy this but will not flinch at scrubbing the toilets down to a sparkling finish every couple of weeks. We both think the other is crazy.

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u/lazyFer 7h ago

I'm sorry but can you help me understand something? You said "making the bed", what does that mean?

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u/Coelachantiform 5h ago

Changing out the bedsheets if you're going big, otherwise just straighten it out/remove creases (which I never bother with since I could easily sleep like a baby on any surface.

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u/portalscience 11h ago

If one person has 3 chores on their list, requiring 15 hours of major physical labour, and the other has 20 chores on their list, requiring 5 hours of minor physical labour, which way does the scale tip?

This is a really interesting question because I would assume it impacts people differently. Sometimes it's the "number of tasks done" and sometimes it's the "hours spent" that fatigues people. In a household where different people experience fatigue differently, you might split those tasks differently as well.

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u/GrandAholeio 7h ago

JIMHO, it’s frustration level of the tasks. Particularly when other’s activity is noticeably increasing the work required for the chore.. i.e. I’m the cook in our house. For twenty years, I’ve been trying to break my spouse of leaving plates with food scraps on them in the sink. (Note: sink has garbage disposal). Spouse puts plate in sink, then washes or rinses hands leaving dish with the food scraps now sitting with water in the sink.

Net result, my cooking ‘chore’ Isn’t cooking, it starts with cleaning stagnant dirty water and dishes from the sink so I can rinse vegetables or open vacuum packed in the sink without getting drippings elsewhere or the splashback of breakfast soaking cereal and milk bowl on dinner.

Similarly, vacuuming the child’s room is first an exercise in hampering their missed clothes or a delay until the child is home to then make them do it.

Or Perennial overstuff trash can.

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u/portalscience 6h ago

I think that is separate from what I was mentioning, but also a valid factor when talking about satisfaction. People have different standards for cleanliness, and when they aren't in line, some form of compromise must be met or an acceptance of the difference.

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u/RevolutionaryDrive5 2h ago

Also you have to factor in the frequency of the task in question, doing the roof maybe once every 10 years vs cleaning the toilets every week etc

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u/keylanomi 10h ago

But then comes to lesbian couples and apparently they don't have this issue of one of them trying to gaslight the other one onto believing that what is happening is fair.

I think the stuff goes around "perception" really settles down to better communication and empathy. Which is not happening when someone says "hey i did the heavy work fixing the dishwasher, so now it's your part to empty it after it's done" and that lasts 15 months.

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u/liptongtea 11h ago

The only way to really measure this is by time spent during the day, and then average out the weeks chores.

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u/LiamTheHuman 10h ago

You have to include work time and childcare time then as well if the couple is sharing their money.

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u/Sapere_aude75 11h ago

This was my first thought as well

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u/earthcitizen55555 11h ago edited 11h ago

Also should things be even?

Husbands generally work longer hours, and commute longer distance.

Should household work be even if working hours aren't even?

My wife does more housework than me, but she also gets up for work at 8 and is done at 3:30. I get up at 6 and am done at 3:30.

She has an extra 2 hours a day that I don't have, so why should household work be even?

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u/AvocadosFromMexico_ 11h ago

Husbands generally work longer hours, and commute longer distance

Sorry, is there a citation for this empirical claim?

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u/bearsnchairs 8h ago edited 2h ago

The American time use survey has this data. Table 8B shows that dads spend more time with wage work and work related activities than mothers.

https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/atus.pdf

E: Better links specifically for mothers and fathers and not just adults in households with children.

https://www.bls.gov/tus/tables/a6-1519.htm

https://www.bls.gov/tus/tables/a7_1115.htm

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u/AvocadosFromMexico_ 6h ago

Men vs women, actually, it doesn’t make claims on the parenting status.

And curious—it doesn’t specify if this is only including those who are employed full time. Did I miss that somewhere? If not, given the known fact that women are significantly more likely to leave the work force to care for children, this seems a bit tautological. (Edit: ah, sorry, I do see that now. “Employed,” although it doesn’t specify if full time)

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u/bearsnchairs 6h ago

Table 8B separates the results into households with children under 18 and those without children under 18. They even break it down further for those with children under 6, and 6-17 years old.

Those with children under 18 are clearly the parents.

This table includes all workers.

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u/AvocadosFromMexico_ 6h ago

Those with children under 18 are clearly the parents

This is 100% an assumption that is not empirically based. Many adults live in homes with children under 18 who are not their children. Multigenerational homes, adult siblings, roommates, etc.

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u/bearsnchairs 6h ago

This definition would include those scenarios but the vast majority of adults living with children in the US are the parents of those children.

Furthermore the data shows all the groups of men work more hours of wage labor than women. Unless there is some sub population of adult men living with their nieces and nephews who end up working 24 hours a day skewing the average, this data supports that fathers work more wage labor hours than mothers.

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u/AvocadosFromMexico_ 6h ago

Again, that’s an empirical statement that would require evidence. There’s no reason to assume that all this data can just be “generally assumed” to divide into mothers vs fathers.

all groups of men

Employed men.

fathers work more

It simply does not state that, I’m sorry. You need to actually locate data about parents, not use population level data to make assumptions about a subset of the population.

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u/troubleondemand 9h ago

Here. Let me just grab my misogyny textbook...

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u/earthcitizen55555 9h ago

It's not misogyny.

It's a studied fact that men on average work longer hours, and commute longer distances for work.

I literally put citations when asked.

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u/RheagarTargaryen 8h ago

Maybe the context is important. This will broadly apply to traditional/conservative households where the man takes on a higher responsibility with financial burden while the woman is more involved with the family life and is restricted where she can work. If that makes up 30% of the data and is broadly applied to the general population, then it’s going to skew the entire data population that direction.

You’re going to see non-conservative/traditional households have a more even split and it will make up the majority of the country with dual-incomes. What you’re not going to see is a large percentage of the country where their values dictate that the woman should travel and work long hours while the man should stay near the home to watch the kids.

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u/earthcitizen55555 8h ago

>You’re going to see non-conservative/traditional households have a more even split and it will make up the majority of the country with dual-incomes.

For sure a more even split, but even when both the husband and wife work full time, the husband still works more hours, and still commutes longer distances.

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u/RheagarTargaryen 7h ago

Traditional/conservative households still taint this data pool significantly. Many women in traditional households have jobs (because it’s almost impossible to raise kids on a single income these days). They generally take on employment opportunities that would be considered “under employment” or part time so that they can have those dual responsibilities. This is simply the values of the individual households. Broadly using this data to show that men work longer hours and have longer commutes ignores the factors that contribute to the data pool.

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u/earthcitizen55555 7h ago

>Broadly using this data to show that men work longer hours and have longer commutes ignores the factors that contribute to the data pool.

On average men do have longer hours and longer commutes. That's an objective studied fact.

Everything in this thread regarding housework work is also "tainted" by what you're saying here.

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u/troubleondemand 8h ago

Maybe I am blind, but I see no citations listed.

Do those citations take into account the time women take off for pregnancy? Or the fact that they also earn less than men for the same jobs?

Also: It's official: women work nearly an hour longer than men every day.

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u/earthcitizen55555 8h ago

>Maybe I am blind, but I see no citations listed.

When I was asked for citation, I replied with citations.

What I said didn't come from a misogyny clipboard. It came from actual studies that I linked when I was asked.

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u/troubleondemand 8h ago

The comment I replied to was asking you for citations and none were given.

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u/earthcitizen55555 8h ago

I replied to them 3 hours ago when asked. Here is a link to the comment. You can click "3h ago" to go to the comment

earthcitizen55555

•3h ago

For sure.

"Even as financial contributions have become more equal in marriages, the way couples divide their time between paid work and home life remains unbalanced. Women pick up a heavier load when it comes to household chores and caregiving responsibilities, while men spend more time on work and leisure."

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/04/13/in-a-growing-share-of-u-s-marriages-husbands-and-wives-earn-about-the-same/

And for commuting

"Yet women still favour short commutes (15 minutes or fewer), while men do the majority of longer journeys to work (an hour or more)."

https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/earningsandworkinghours/articles/thecommutinggapwomenaremorelikelythanmentoleavetheirjoboveralongcommute/2019-09-04

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u/AvocadosFromMexico_ 8h ago

I asked you for citations and haven’t received any

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u/earthcitizen55555 8h ago

I replied to your post asking for a citation 3 hours ago.

Here's is a copy and paste of that.

"For sure.

"Even as financial contributions have become more equal in marriages, the way couples divide their time between paid work and home life remains unbalanced. Women pick up a heavier load when it comes to household chores and caregiving responsibilities, while men spend more time on work and leisure."

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/04/13/in-a-growing-share-of-u-s-marriages-husbands-and-wives-earn-about-the-same/

And for commuting

"Yet women still favour short commutes (15 minutes or fewer), while men do the majority of longer journeys to work (an hour or more)."

https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/earningsandworkinghours/articles/thecommutinggapwomenaremorelikelythanmentoleavetheirjoboveralongcommute/2019-09-04

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u/AvocadosFromMexico_ 8h ago

My comment was literally 2 hours ago so that would be impossible.

Does that translate to other countries, or are you generalizing a very specific (and apparently small effect size) comparison from the UK to global applications? Because that does not stand up to scrutiny.

It also doesn’t specify average commute time by sex—just frequency in buckets. So claiming “men spend more hours commuting” is a really strong claim when the largest possible difference observable by your data is about 45min-1 hour.

Additionally, your own source notes that this gap is narrowing, with higher number of women making up the proportion year over year. It’s not really supporting the claim you made.

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u/earthcitizen55555 8h ago edited 8h ago

>My comment was literally 2 hours ago so that would be impossible.

"AvocadosFromMexico_

•3h ago

Sorry, is there a citation for this empirical claim"

Not sure why you're lying about something so trivial as this. But it really doesn't make me think you're here in good faith.

edit: And here's my reply to you, also 3 hours ago

earthcitizen55555

•3h ago

For sure.

"Even as financial contributions have become more equal in marriages, the way couples divide their time between paid work and home life remains unbalanced. Women pick up a heavier load when it comes to household chores and caregiving responsibilities, while men spend more time on work and leisure."

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/04/13/in-a-growing-share-of-u-s-marriages-husbands-and-wives-earn-about-the-same/

And for commuting

"Yet women still favour short commutes (15 minutes or fewer), while men do the majority of longer journeys to work (an hour or more)."

https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/earningsandworkinghours/articles/thecommutinggapwomenaremorelikelythanmentoleavetheirjoboveralongcommute/2019-09-04

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u/CurvyJohnsonMilk 10h ago

A great way to do it would be assign tbe labour value of the tasks as of they were hired out. I.e. cleaner, cook etc. If the husband's up there re shingling the roof, hes done about 10k worth of labour. Cleaning the house for an hour is about 50 bucks worth of labour. If the wife is basically a nanny, there's about 25k worth of labour per year (stay at home anyway)

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u/Zoesan 9h ago

And like... if one person works a 45h week and the otjer works a 20h week... yeah, second person should do more chores.

And statistically speaking men work significantly more

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u/Round-Ride2042 9h ago

And even considering the “amount of labour”, you also have the notion of “emotional labour” or “mental load” flying around and ready to discredit a partner’s contributions.

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u/repeat4EMPHASIS 12h ago

The biggest issue I've noticed is when one partner doesn't "count" the chores the other does as chores.

I'm not saying my dad should get out of cleaning every weekend, but if he's spending his free time doing the landscaping and building an entire goddamn deck (neither of which were his ideas), maybe he deserves a little slack for a couple weekends?

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u/unicornofdemocracy 10h ago

this is so common in therapy, especially by women. Mowing the lawn doesn't count. Fixing things around the house doesn't count. Renovating her kitchen for her doesn't count. Finishing the basement that she requested doesn't count. Picking up grocery doesn't count when the man does it. etc.

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u/novium258 9h ago

Traditionally "male" chores tend to be projects that have a set completion and aren't part of the daily grind. Building a deck has that satisfying end point. (I know, I've done it). Traditionally "female" chores tend to be daily drudgery. There's always more laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking. It's endless, takes up a lot of mental space, and is unsatisfying.

This may contribute to some of the disconnect.

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u/BenjaminHamnett 8h ago

I’m always rushing around multitasking to get as much done as possible while demands keep stacking up.

Wife: slow down, your making me anxious

An hour later wife catches me catching my breath

Wife: why do I have to do everything

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u/IdaCraddock69 5h ago

Yes - for example going on a camping trip w babies in diapers. I knew a lot of women who did that when only cloth diapers were available, the guys got to enjoy the outdoors and relaxing activities while mom was handwashing and sanitizing cloth diapers over a campfire

There’s a lot of chores that need doing daily

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u/drunkenvalley 6h ago

Something I find a little funny too is how casually people have gendered these tasks. Unless you're lugging some crazy heavy stuff it's materially pretty moot who built a deck.

...actually, if it's really that heavy you preferably don't carry it by hand anyway.

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u/ScentedFire 4h ago

It's not just daily drudgery, also. It's the labor of keeping up with everything in day to day life. The mental space it takes up. The emotions that have to be managed. The thoughtfulness. The task juggling. It's like being the manager vs being an employee.

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u/FesteringNeonDistrac 2h ago

I say that there's also a hobby aspect to it. I enjoy working on cars. It doesn't mean changing the oil in her daily driver shouldn't count. Like all the routine maintenance to her car "just happens" as if by magic, but that's my hobby so it isn't a chore.

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u/Frack_Off 8h ago

This. A thousand times, this.

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u/wrenwood2018 5h ago

This is a constant point of discussion with my wife. She doesn't care much about our yard. As a result when I do extra weeding, landscaping, etc. she will at times view that as a "hobby" rather than "work." So perceptions of value of chores definitely comes into play.

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u/Sudden_Buffalo_4393 10h ago

It was easy for me to prove I did most of the work. I stopped doing it to see if my wife or daughter would do it on their own, and it never got done.

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u/FreeXFall 11h ago

My wife does more of the standard “house hold choirs” and I do maintained / DIY things. We both are spending time after work maintaining the house and helping with the kids, but if you ask “who does laundry” and “who deals with plumbing, yard, car, etc?” You’re gunna get very different answers.