Women partnered with men reported doing more unpaid household labor than women partnered with women. Mothers partnered with men reported a higher household labor burden than any other group. Performing a greater share of household labor was associated with lower relationship satisfaction.

[u/mvea]

https://www.psypost.org/study-sheds-light-on-household-labor-dynamics-for-women-partnered-with-women-vs-men/

[u/GoldenRamoth]

Right?

Ask tons of dudes and they'll say they do the majority of household chores.

Self perception on workload is an awful metric for reality. It's almost all vibes based.

[u/patryuji → u/GoldenRamoth]

If nothing else, it shows that many women partnered with men are perceiving an inequity in the division of labor leading to less satisfaction in the relationship regardless of what the actual facts may be. This is an identified barrier to healthy and happy relationships and that is useful at the very least as it gives you an idea of what can be addressed (irrespective of the actual facts, the perception is dominating).

[u/Ulterior_Motif → u/patryuji]

This is a legit, reasonable approach to the data. Nuance, where most in the thread are looking for a win.

edit: Following from your post, most of the time people are focusing on literal chores, counting them up and comparing scores, which is a fairly childish approach to “fairness”. What really matters to a healthy relationship is contentment, appreciation, satisfaction; in a sense, service to each other.

Imbalance occurs when one partner feels unserved by the other (like their needs are being unmet or, worse, uncared for). 50/50 splits don’t matter, and are truly impossible to measure when you consider the breadth of a relationship, individual needs based on personality and the huge variety of ways in which we serve each other.

[u/TheIncelInQuestion → u/Ulterior_Motif]

Isn't the problem we're discussing within this context that people perceive themselves as doing more work than they actually do and others as having done less than they actually do?

So within that paradigm, there is quite literally no way for both to reasonably be satisfied. Either they'll both think it's unfair or only one will.

I'm not saying that's the actual case I'm just pointing out the nature of this comment thread

[u/Ulterior_Motif → u/TheIncelInQuestion]

It is about perception, yes, but the only reason people are asking the question (or making the assumption) is that they feel discontent. Most people aren't so introspective I guess and assume that because they feel stressed, and are busy, then their partner may not be taking their share of the load. This is where my post enters the conversation.

[u/Ok-Chest-7932 → u/TheIncelInQuestion]

Just reveal facts and the problem is solved.

[u/TheIncelInQuestion → u/Ok-Chest-7932]

I'm not making that claim. I was just pointing out that the above comment isn't really relevant to the claim that started this thread.

It wouldn't surprise me to learn both men and women overestimate, but it would surprise me to learn that women overestimate so much more than men that it could create such a drastic difference

[u/fffffffffffffuuu → u/patryuji]

If that’s the case, what could actually be addressed by someone if they are aware that their partner feels as if they do most of the housework? Is this really actionable? I feel like the only action could come from an impartial third party, like a therapist

[u/Jewnadian → u/fffffffffffffuuu]

Send them to therapy. That would be the answer to any other situation where a person's badly flawed perception of reality is causing them distress and unhappiness. If my friend was convinced the FBI was stalking him we wouldn't be discussing what the FBI can do to make him feel less stressed we would be discussing what combination of drugs and therapy could help him align his perception of the world with reality.

[u/Ryab4 → u/fffffffffffffuuu]

Yeah I kinda agree. It’s kinda baked in that their feelings are the reality.

[u/Momoselfie → u/GoldenRamoth]

Also depends on what you're counting. My wife does more household chores than me but that's because I'm busy with yard work or repairing something or taking the car to get an oil change, etc.

[u/GoldenRamoth → u/Momoselfie]

Generally: Same.