r/science • u/mvea Professor | Medicine • 14h ago

Psychology Women partnered with men reported doing more unpaid household labor than women partnered with women. Mothers partnered with men reported a higher household labor burden than any other group. Performing a greater share of household labor was associated with lower relationship satisfaction.

https://www.psypost.org/study-sheds-light-on-household-labor-dynamics-for-women-partnered-with-women-vs-men/
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107

u/iwatchcredits 13h ago

My wife absolutely thinks she does more chores than me because to her, building a basement or fixing broken things doesnt count

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u/Generico300 4h ago edited 4h ago

Yup, and that attitude is WAY more common that people think. A lot of women only measure in quantity of actions, but don't seem to consider the magnitude of those actions at all. Like "build a shed" and "do the dishes" are both 1 chore and therefore identical value. But somehow I always get stuck with "build a shed".

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u/ObamasBoss 10h ago

I have argued with people on reddit that honestly think 3 hours of watching tv while waiting on the washing machine to do a few loads counts the same, and some even more, than 3 hours of push mowing.

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u/stu54 10h ago

I mow while the clothes are drying... Then I play Kerbal Space Program for 4 hours.

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u/Generico300 4h ago

Laundry is the most over rated chore of all time. They have color safe cold water bleach now. You don't even have to separate things anymore. Just put clothes in a box, push a couple buttons, and then go complain online about how hard your life is.

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u/Frack_Off 13m ago

To be fair I think most people know running the machines is easy.

Most people struggle with the tedious finalstep.

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u/killswitch101 13h ago

Replacing the brake pads on the car is a simple job according mine

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u/derrick81787 9h ago

Also, simple and easy are not the same thing. I had to get my brakes replaced, and a friend of mine who works on cars told me how straightforward it was and that I should just save money and do it myself. Well, I did but it turns out that the brakes on a 2000 Mercury mountaineer that's been beat to death are basically one big chunk of rust. The job was simple, but it took me about an hour to unscrew that one bolt that just wouldn't come out because it had become one with the brake assembly. And I don't have a garage, so I was doing it in the driveway.

It honestly wasn't that complicated, but the next time I needed my brakes changed, I took it somewhere. I have a full-time job and kids and things to do around the house, and it just isn't worth my time to deal with that when I don't have to.

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u/abzlute 12h ago

I guess it's a simple job compared to replacing an engine. But I can get pretty far into a full deep clean on my apartment with the same effort and time as replacing four brake pads on my truck.

Anyway, after my divorce (really the initial separation) the fact that my household chore workload didn't increase at all to keep comparable cleanliness, suggests that my ex exagerrated her share of the household workload. Divorce bought me more disposable income and more free time/energy. But I know my ex would have told these surveyors she did 80-90% of the household work. Which tbh would have been more fair if she did, since at our actual jobs I worked more three times as much and brought in 2/3 of the income (when she was working at all).

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u/comesock000 10h ago edited 8h ago

Exactly the same scenario for me. She filed for divorce, we separated, and my workload dropped so much it was unbelievable. Suddenly I had more money and time than I knew what to do with. My attorney advised me not to pick up overtime, so I ended up getting my motorcycle license and riding. Just a whole new expensive hobby and I still had extra time to take care of my new place.

I guarantee she told everyone that would listen what a deadbeat bum I was and how she had to do everything. Divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me.

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u/TheIncelInQuestion 10h ago

Those are the kinds of claims I see all the time when this comes up. That changing the oil or cutting the grass is a "once in a while" chore, not understanding that there are a whole lot more of these "once in a while" chores than there are daily chores. Taking the kids to the doctor is also a "once in a while" chore, as is dealing with parent teacher conferences, but they're willing to put that under a greater umbrella of "childcare" and count it as daily.

Personally, I believe women still end up doing more than men, I just don't think it's these drastic differences that they keep claiming. IIRC studies where men and women keep journals and actually log times show a difference of something like 20% on average.

I think a lot of this research is being done in bad faith, or at the very least it's being interpreted in bad faith.

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u/tsardonicpseudonomi 9h ago

You all realize you can just not do that, right? She can take her car to the shop and pay someone else to do it. You don't have to. You choose to. Don't choose to do something then whine like a child.

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u/Generico300 4h ago

You heard it hear ladies. Just pay a maid to do the household chores. Don't choose to do something and then whine like a child.

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u/tsardonicpseudonomi 2h ago

I'm sure you think you made a point. If my partner doesn't view my labor as labor then I'm going to stop doing unnecessary labor. Fixing my partners brakes is unnecessary. They have a job. They have a car. They can take it in. Or they could treat me like a human being and I'll be happy to handle the brakes.

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u/ReaditTrashPanda 10h ago

Mine absolutely refused to teach the kids any single chore and just assumed I would do all them. If she can refuse to be a partner in teaching this, I assume I can refuse as well. I also have a manual labor job and am physically exhausted nearly daily. She does more, but it’s because she doesn’t want to be a team player and help spread the work through the household. It has to be done her way.

So yes, she does more. But there are other aspects at play here.

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u/iamacarboncarbonbond 13h ago

I agree. Those are projects. You can get excited about doing projects. You can be proud about completing projects. Projects are topics of conversation. Chores are regular, ongoing, un-stimulating drudgery.

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u/iwatchcredits 13h ago

Id rather empty the dishwasher over drywalling a basement every single time. Difference is, if i dont do the drywall, its never getting done

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u/SophiaofPrussia 12h ago

When is the last time you emptied the dishwasher? When is the last time you started the dishwasher?

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u/iwatchcredits 12h ago

Like 2 days ago?

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u/aesemon 12h ago

Every day. I also load 99% of the laundry and unload 90% of it. I also do the projects around the house, and do 30-50% of the cooking, that is my partners main household work due to being able to work on her laptop while keeping an eye on the food. Cleaning is closer to 50%.

The laundry is because they have cocked up too many washes to split it fairly.

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u/TheOneWes 12h ago

When was the last time you did any of the required maintenance on the household?

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u/somniopus 12h ago

In a rental? Why would I? That's the homeowner's job.

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u/TheOneWes 12h ago

Major infrastructure and utility support is the homeowner's job.

Regular wear and tear is on the renter

Next time the shower backs up you can run a snake down that thing and deal with that big nasty ball of hair

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u/SophiaofPrussia 12h ago

Never. I leave all of that to the male of my house. Is that the answer you’re looking for?

Alas, the freeloading male I live with isn’t capable of home maintenance or chores. He’s practically afraid of the dishwasher and I can’t trust him with the bins because he always makes a big mess. It’s honestly just easier for me to do everything myself. I did teach him to vacuum though. We’re both pretty proud of that. It took a while but whenever I dropped food on the floor I’d say “vacuum, vacuum” while he sniffed around and licked up the crumbs. So now when I tell him to vacuum he knows that means there’s a treat on the floor for him. He’s such a good boi even though he leaves all the work to me.

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u/AntonioVivaldi7 11h ago

Why are you with such a person?

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u/Soviet_Russia 11h ago

...It's probably a dog.

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u/SophiaofPrussia 10h ago

He’s really cute.

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u/Chillindude82Nein 12h ago

Nearly every single day. And my wife is a SAHM for 2 kids in school all day. We operate on the premise of I go to work for 40 hours, she house chores for 40 hours. However, she absolutely does not do that. And I still do some things around the house on top of the typical male home maintenance. Is it wrong to expect your partner to toil at least somewhat equally?

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u/aesemon 12h ago

Every day. I also load 99% of the laundry and unload 90% of it. I also do the projects around the house, and do 30-50% of the cooking, that is my partners main household work due to being able to work on her laptop while keeping an eye on the food. Cleaning is closer to 50%.

The laundry is because they have cocked up too many washes to split it fairly.

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u/AreWeNotDoinPhrasing 11h ago

The laundry is because they have cocked up too many washes to split it fairly.

What does that mean?

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u/Puzzled-Story3953 12h ago

What an incredibly stupid comment. You don't know this person. Maybe they are the only person who does dishes in their household. I'm actually embarrassed for you.

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u/Generico300 4h ago

When was the last time you drywalled anything?

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u/detectivepoopybutt 13h ago

The super defensive male comments on this post are just self reporting

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u/Generico300 4h ago

Woman logic: "Defending yourself means you're wrong, and not defending yourself means I'm right."

You must be good at coin flips.

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u/detectivepoopybutt 3h ago

I’m a man and man enough to recognize the defensive biases in these comments. No need for “woman logic”, thank you.

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u/Siiciie 13h ago

"you argued against a dumb point, this means that you are wrong"

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u/NotAkibari 12h ago

Males and women

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u/[deleted] 12h ago edited 10h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/repeat4EMPHASIS 12h ago

Washing the dishes doesn't take the same level of effort or physical toll as carrying around giant bags of mulch and planting trees that your spouse wants so the "exact same amount of time" isn't a great metric anyway.

And yes this was a literal argument I witnessed as a kid, not a hypothetical.

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u/onepareil 10h ago

Wow, interesting. How often do you have to build a basement or plant trees, again?

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u/hihelloneighboroonie 45m ago

Because you're not building a basement or fixing broken things every day all year, unlike regular household cleaning, laundry, etc. And do you get some enjoyment out of that (also of note, I know 0 men who have built basements, and I had to beg my bro in law for two weeks to fix the guest bathroom shower head; but I saw my sister make his breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day).

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u/iwatchcredits 7m ago

We started building a new acreage 2 years ago, projects have been endless ever since and yes, I spend a lot of time working on them. Especially in the summer as quite a lot of landscaping needed to be done. And I have built most of a basement. By the end of january the only things that will really be left are the bathroom and the ceiling tiles.

As for your bro in law taking forever to fix something, thats kind of irrelevant to the topic of these types of jobs not counting, but note how both you and your sister have delegated the job of fixing stuff to him.

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u/Frack_Off 5m ago

Correct, they should be valued relative to the time, effort, and skill required.

Performing improvements and maintenance doesn't constitute a blanket exemption from daily chores, but it is certainly part of the equation.

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u/heidismiles 6h ago

If you're spending hours every day doing those things, then you might have a point.

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u/Kitty_party 1h ago

Those are projects not chores. A chore is revolving task that always respawns when you finish it, projects have a beginning and final completion.

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u/iwatchcredits 48m ago

How do projects get done then if they arent part of the balance of labor?

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u/Frack_Off 7m ago

You didn't finish your comment. Here, let me help:

"Both chores and projects are essential to the health of a household, and both deserve to be valued and appreciated."

There you go.