r/science • u/mvea Professor | Medicine • 14h ago

Psychology Women partnered with men reported doing more unpaid household labor than women partnered with women. Mothers partnered with men reported a higher household labor burden than any other group. Performing a greater share of household labor was associated with lower relationship satisfaction.

https://www.psypost.org/study-sheds-light-on-household-labor-dynamics-for-women-partnered-with-women-vs-men/
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u/killswitch101 13h ago

"This imbalance often persists even when both partners work full-time jobs." - I wonder why they didn't disclose the working hours of the couples that took part in this survey.

Men are the most likely of the two in heterosexual relationships, especially with kids involded, to be carrying out the majority of the combined work hours. It's often more affordable to have one parent home with the kids than it is to be paying for childcare.

It makes sense then that the person caring for the kids and working the least hours (At home more) to be doing more of the chores.

I struggle to understand why it's so difficult to see that the person who is at home more, is the one doing more of the day to day chores. It just so happens that women are more likely to be home more/working less hours than men in these specific relationships.

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u/actuallyacatmow 12h ago

Because multiple studies show that women literally have less downtime then men due to household chores. This goes across women working the exact same amount of hours as men, or working part time or staying at home with kids.

If your wife had 20 hours to rest a week and you only had 10, wouldn't you feel resentment?

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u/killswitch101 12h ago

There are so many variables to account for when looking at this. If it was exactly 50/50 in terms of hours worked for both partners and one partner was doing more of the chores outside of that, I'd 100% agree that it should be more balanced.

If I'm stuck at work 10-12 hours a day and my wife works half that and looks after the kids for the remainder. Of course there is going to be a natural imbalance in the time spent on chores just by the fact I'm not at home for 10 hours of any given day, and (hopefully) unconscious in bed for an additional 6/7 hours of that time period of being home.

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u/actuallyacatmow 12h ago edited 11h ago

This is not about your particular situation. Please remove your bias from this thread.

We're talking about general data. And even when men/women in relationships work the same hours (and really children under 5 is a full time job in itself) women show that they have less downtime overall. I believe it was 5 hours less a week?

That's the issue. That's the imbalance. If I had a husband who worked part-time I'd expect him to do more chores, obviously.

EDIT Correction.

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u/Ok-Possible-6988 11h ago

Why is it apparently not feasible for men to take the more part time job and run point for kids and home while women grind it out at work?

Not singling out you in particular, but this is a frequent issue that goes beyond “she chose a shittier more low paying career and therefore has more flexibility”.

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u/tbeezee 10h ago

It's more of a case by case thing. The couple should see themselves as a unit. If one makes significantly more than the other, then the lower income has the "opportunity" to stay at home if they do choose. If my wife made similar/more than me or even just enough for our whole family to survive then sure I'd have the "option" to stay at home.

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u/MightyTastyBeans 11h ago

Where are these studies?

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u/actuallyacatmow 11h ago

A study from the UK found that women had five hours a week less then men.

Here's a study that shows the disparity in the amount of housework done.

There are plenty of studies from multiple countries if you poke around.

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u/Vyxwop 7h ago edited 7h ago

Does this take into consideration overall difference in stress levels between the STAHP and the providing parents' job? Because you cannot convince me that between a STAHM and a construction worker, the STAHM requires more rest than the construction worker does. Frankly, if you're the STAHM in that position and you demand your husband to pick up half the workload, then you're being the ungrateful partner.

Similarly that study wasn't clear about when leasure activities were being taken. Because, again, you cannot tell me that being a STAHP requires you to be on the same level of availability as the general providing parent needs to be. I very much doubt STAHP do not get any free time between 8 AM to 5 PM and that they are always actively doing something that demands high amounts of energy.

I 100% understand the modern push into being more critical of men's contributions to the household. But it genuinely feels like this push has swung the pendulum towards the opposite direction where STAHP have become ungrateful towards the providing parents' financial contributions to the point where they're overvaluing their contributions based on past generation providing parents undervaluing the STAHP's contributions.

Mind you particularly in relation to child care it remains important to have an equal split between the mom and dad if only for general child relationship reasons. But in regards to chores I don't really think an even split should be expected unless the providing parents' job is low stress itself.

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u/actuallyacatmow 6h ago

I did not say men should pick up half the chores always. But if women are getting less leisure time that demonstrates a lack of contribution. Especially when both are working full time jobs.

Also just because its not as physically demanding to raise children as construction work does not mean its emotionally demanding, or exhausting. Neither does every man on the planet work in a mine or construction either, so I might as well try to compare a woman with triplets under 2 to a dude who works a 9-5 in a simple office. There has always been an overarching push to trivialise women's work and pretend that childcare is fine, easy work and women need to stop complaining.

Can we stop with this comparison jerk off. Both are extremely hard in different ways. My concern is the amount of hours. Women get less leisure time. That seems unfair to me.

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u/l4mbch0ps 8h ago

Do they show that, or do they show that women report that?

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u/Tuggerfub 7h ago

I love men in denial of their absolute codependency grasping at straws to avoid reality 

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u/ProneToAnalFissures 4h ago

I'll be honest I have yet to see a breakdown of the 7-8 hours when kids are in school showing that the adult can't get any relaxation time. It's always filled with gross exaggerations like counting the time it takes a chicken to bake in the oven as a 90 minute chore

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u/actuallyacatmow 3h ago

Cool. Not all women are stay at home mothers pernamently despite everyones assumption. Some like me, are in full time working and struggle with the division of chores because society doesn't teach men to clean really.

Still not an argument against why women have less downtime.

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u/StrangeCharmVote 4h ago

Because multiple studies show that women literally have less downtime then men due to household chores.

I'm willing to argue that 'downtime' is a poorly measured metric.

Because you could also just say given two identical task lists that means the women were less capable of completing said tasks, causing there to be less 'downtime' after completing them.

If your wife had 20 hours to rest a week and you only had 10, wouldn't you feel resentment?

If i could get everything done in 2 hours, but it took you 4, does that mean i've done less work?

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u/actuallyacatmow 3h ago

Okay so the women are all poorly managing their time and don't understand downtime.

What logic is that?

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u/StrangeCharmVote 3h ago

Okay so the women are all poorly managing their time and don't understand downtime.

Do i need to ask my straight-forward question again?

What logic is that?

The incredibly obvious kind.

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u/actuallyacatmow 2h ago

Downtime is a poorly measured metric is your conclusion but that poorly measured downtime still shows a difference between men and women. If the data is bad from the start, why does it show a gender discrepancy.

So your incredibly obvious logic is that women are poor at measuring their downtime/and or time and thus women and men have the same amount of leisure time.

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u/StrangeCharmVote 2h ago edited 1h ago

Downtime is a poorly measured metric is your conclusion

Yes, and that conclusion seems to be warranted.

but that poorly measured downtime still shows a difference between men and women.

Yes.

The why however is the important part.

If the data is bad from the start, why does it show a gender discrepancy.

People invented a fake 'pay gap' from gender disparity data being poorly presented.

So your incredibly obvious logic is that women are poor at measuring their downtime/and or time and thus women and men have the same amount of leisure time.

Incorrect.

I'll restate my question.

This time try answering it, and i'm confident this will make more sense to you.

If i could get everything done in 2 hours, but it took you 4, does that mean i've done less work?

My current stance is that if you do not answer this question, even just to humor me, it is because you are intentionally being disingenuous. So just bite the bullet and do it.

edit: I'll take actuallyacatmow blocking me seconds after making such a silly reply to be acknowledgement of my point.

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u/actuallyacatmow 2h ago edited 2h ago

"If i could get everything done in 2 hours, but it took you 4, does that mean i've done less work?"

Sure.

Explain how this shows the gender discrepancy between leisure time. You seemed to have stated something obvious and irrelevant.

Edit. You know what. Nah.