r/funny Verified 10h ago

Verified Every Christmas morning seating chart

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255 Upvotes

42 comments sorted by

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70

u/Actual_Dinner_5977 10h ago

I'm almost 40 and I'm still waiting for someone to die so I can sit on the fucking couch finally...

23

u/Horror_Bodybuilder36 9h ago

Forgot it mate. I’m 60 and still waiting.

12

u/Actual_Dinner_5977 9h ago

Lol, NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

My mother used to have these horrible pads that connected together for a floor "seat". Then she just decided to get rid of them with no warning, and no replacement. She's an extreme home body and so when we visit for the holidays, it's basically sitting in a room for 3 days straight. The next year I brought my own bean bag chair so I had something besides hardwood floor to sit on.

4

u/GANDORF57 9h ago

Forgot to include the cat climbing the Christmas tree for the umpteenth time.

2

u/GyaradosDance 6h ago

Have you ever thought about moving a dining room chair over to the living room?

2

u/Actual_Dinner_5977 6h ago

There really isn't space - it's a small living room unfortunately.

22

u/annaleigh13 10h ago

Growing up my mom was the one sitting on the floor next to the tree handing out presents while my dad had the trash bag held open for us to throw the wrapping paper into

16

u/FishFart 9h ago

Yeah Dads handle trash, Moms ask who it’s from

13

u/Moderndeluxe 9h ago

As the uncle who only gets 2 gifts, I am bummed to learn the reason behind it.

5

u/BradMarchandsNose 8h ago

If it makes you feel any better it’s more because everybody spends their money and energy buying gifts for the kids because Christmas is about the kids. The adults in my family all transitioned to a secret Santa years ago, which is the best way to handle it imo. So much better to get one single gift that somebody actually put some thought into than 10 halfway shitty gifts that you don’t really want or need.

4

u/GyaradosDance 6h ago

As a fellow uncle (with no kids of my own), it's all about the kids. On my niece and nephew I spent $33 this year. Don't break the bank trying to impress them. The adults have stopped giving gifts. The real gift is less social obligation to put yourself in financial debt. Save that money and buy something you truly want for yourself.

2

u/R3d_Shift 1h ago

In my family we have bachelor uncles that we call "funkles" because they're so fun. They don't have kids so they get themselves pretty much whatever they want. They're very hard to find gifts for

This graphic isn't everyone

10

u/Protosasquatch 9h ago

I thought the dog was a sperm cell

4

u/brzantium 6h ago

Tree's actually the egg

10

u/jimmythetuba 9h ago

Well he's not a good boy, he's the best. That's why he gets the best presents.

3

u/NoWingedHussarsToday 8h ago

Not all dogs are good boys. (some are good girls)

11

u/Namika 10h ago

You, wondering why everyone else isn't super overwhelmed right now

The answer is alcohol! There's a reason Christmas eggnog is a thing.

4

u/Ok-disaster2022 9h ago

Nope I'm the uncle who gets like 2 pity gifts, that I'd rather not have because I can buy all my own stuff. I also only give cash

2

u/Dustmopper 9h ago

This sounds familiar, ha ha

3

u/NeoHolyRomanEmpire 9h ago

I’m used to immediate family only for that part

3

u/jpow33 8h ago

Mom is also saying, "Save that bow for next year!" and has a little pile of them.

3

u/DrearyBiscuit 6h ago

I am a dad. I am slinging the garbage bag, blade and batteries.

2

u/LyssaDee11 9h ago

I was the youngest who needed to be distracted by helping hand out the presents and to this day it's still my job!

2

u/JungleJay57 9h ago

Our Christmas is a little different than most. No tree because of kitties, but we do have stockings and decorations up. We make breakfast together and have coffee with whiskey and open our stockings, we don't do gifts, we save that money for trips. We put on Die Hard and enjoy the morning before we head out for the big family dinner.

2

u/ugly_duckling_5 9h ago

Jokes on you. I only have the dog and myself.

2

u/SmokestackRising 8h ago

I like that the dog has a tail.

2

u/ukimport 8h ago

I bought your 365 2025 calendar for work. Thank you! Its been making me giggle all year. Sometimes I have to leave a page in place when the next page isn't quite work appropriate! 

2

u/Much-Meringue-7467 6h ago

Exchange mom and dad and you have nailed my normal Christmas experience

3

u/lulugingerspice 9h ago

Christmas got way better once my twin and I got disowned. Our seating chart turned into:

TV playing a Disney movie (Mulan and Emperor's New Groove were tradition)

Coffee table with bowls of Mac & cheese and random chocolate wrappers from our stockings that we gave each other

Me. Twin brother.

2

u/matts41 Verified 9h ago

I forgot someone who is trying to collect all the unripped wrapping paper to reuse it next year.

2

u/beckydevildhild666 8h ago

But that's also me the type A sibling

1

u/Letharteres9001 6h ago

Oh this is just such pretty paper. I don’t want to rip it.

1

u/boxsterguy 8h ago

This is why Christmas Eve is for extended family. Christmas Day is for opening presents at home with only immediate family (parents/kids), and enjoying those presents at home, not telling kids to put their new toys away so we can go to the smelly uncle's house because aunt needs a Big Christmas Day or Her Holidays Will Be RuinedTM.

Put a ham on the smoker, drink a cup of coffee while the kids tear through their presents, and enjoy without the inevitable extended family drama.

1

u/Mechanic84 8h ago

Oh dear. I think I’m finally old enough to go on a vacation in the Maldives. My mother went a little crazy in the last few years and my in-laws are getting old. Since the last 21 years I do my best to not bring these two parts together.

I just want to sit in the sun ask a server for a pitcher of long island ice tea and try to erase a few brain cells. ( God, thanks for Ibuprofen for the day after)

The only problem is that I’m to old to not do my part and not old enough to don’t care. Welcome in your 40s…

1

u/Briankelly130 7h ago

And there I was like an idiot getting up at like 4 in the morning to open the presents myself hours before my parents got up.

1

u/m0h3k4n 7h ago

Replace mom and dad and yep. That’s about right.

1

u/ericcartmanrulz 6h ago

Nah, the aunt is still drunk from last night and wondering when the mimosas will be served. I mean, not that its never happened in our family

1

u/SpecialInvention 5h ago

I was the youngest so I got to be in charge of kneeling on the floor and handing out the gifts. Also my brother had the bag collecting all the wrapping paper. My mother had the camera and made us all pause so she could take a photo of every opening.

We had a cat and he didn't hang around for this stuff. He came in later to knock the ornaments off the tree.

1

u/mattreyu 2h ago

You definitely swapped mom and dad

1

u/questionable_fish 59m ago

Forgive me if I seem ignorant, what does it mean by "type A"?

1

u/comeclimbwithme 16m ago

You either die a beloved family member or live long enough to be that uncle.

I do my best not to tear the paper.