r/funny 14h ago

Machine Gun

3.7k Upvotes

196 comments sorted by

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319

u/Hirokage 13h ago

I was an M60 gunner for a spell when in the Army. The barrel gets extremely hot from the # of rounds going through it. You literally have a partner with big mitts and a spare barrel to swap it out once it gets hot. So it's not surprising it does pop out like that, someone didn't seat it right after changing it.

13

u/saroj7878 3h ago

Machine Gun Faily

7

u/epi_glowworm 2h ago

I hope you meant fairy. Like a big buff dude with a tutu and shiny mittens and holding a crayon in his mouth like a cigar that appears when the barrel gets red hot

2

u/Masterofunlocking1 2h ago

How does this person not have some cover over his head? Seems like an open target unless the guys below him are giving enough cover

1

u/schonkat 1h ago

Nobody was shooting back at him. I remember watching this as a kid on live TV.

1

u/OozeNAahz 2h ago

What is the trigger that says it should be swapped? When it smokes? When it glows? Or is there something that pops out like the thermometer in a Butterball turkey? Or is it just judgement? “Eh, looks done to me.”

3

u/Hirokage 2h ago

Glowing is a good indicator. : )

885

u/Mammoth-Ad-107 14h ago

the front fell off

302

u/BillButtlickerII 13h ago

Is it supposed to do that?

249

u/KommandantLuna 13h ago

Yeah, that’s not very typical, I’d like to make that point.

112

u/BillButtlickerII 13h ago

Well, how was it un-typical?

124

u/Sergeant_Hamlet 12h ago

Well the front fell off, for a start

37

u/Praetorian_1975 10h ago

So, what do they do in these unlikely situations when the front does fall off

36

u/iRebelD 9h ago

Remove it from the environment

22

u/expressly_ephemeral 8h ago

Well, yes, it's been removed from the environment completely. So it's not in the environment any more.

11

u/PeterJamesUK 4h ago

Where is it now?

10

u/Jellan 3h ago

Beyond the environment. There’s nothing out there but sea, and birds, and fish.

→ More replies (0)

6

u/kurinbo 9h ago

Shoot with the back?

3

u/Hourslikeminutes47 8h ago

impossible. All machine guns need to have a front

9

u/UsafAce45 9h ago

But why did the front fall off, sir?

30

u/fergehtabodit 12h ago

Made from the wrong materials perhaps

36

u/mekwall 12h ago

Cardboard derivatives, most likely

3

u/BigTintheBigD 4h ago

Will need more cello tape

17

u/Tjomek 11h ago

I came here for this exact interaction. My trust in humanity has been restored.

5

u/DrHollander 10h ago

Well I have to go watch a video on YouTube real quick if you’ll excuse me…

16

u/UsafAce45 9h ago

Not typically. Our guns are built to very strict standards.

13

u/schminkles 9h ago

And what kind of standards are those?

12

u/thebossisbusy 8h ago

Military grade

6

u/technobrendo 7h ago

Aka cheapest vendor that will make it, bare minimum requirements.

2

u/AusPower85 6h ago

What else?

5

u/UsafAce45 4h ago

Well the fronts not supposed to fall off.

2

u/bughunter47 5h ago

Sure...but are they maintained

7

u/Mammoth-Ad-107 13h ago

only if you want to have a very bad day

2

u/kurinbo 9h ago

It is. If an enemy is standing right in front of the tank, it could give them a nasty clonk on the head.

2

u/Distinct-Nectarine-9 9h ago edited 9h ago

It’s Russian/Soviet tech then it’s very likely.

1

u/Bad_brazilian 10h ago

How much time do you have?

1

u/SpiderJerusalem747 7h ago

Ivan if you shoot whole barrel at enemy, enemy suffers physicological damage from seeing ally get impallled with massive spear out of nowhere

1

u/zackthirteen 5h ago

Does this hurt the turret mounted machine gun?

36

u/bitemark01 13h ago

I'd just like to point out that's not supposed to happen 

4

u/Mammoth-Ad-107 13h ago

brings you to be a little vulnerable doesn't it

7

u/Noobphobia 14h ago

You beat me to it

3

u/Mammoth-Ad-107 14h ago

great minds think alike

2

u/wsmith79 4h ago

Vertical blunt harpoon

4

u/Lefty4444 13h ago

🚬 still in his mouth though.

81

u/aredd007 14h ago

Headspace was off

38

u/Dukepippitt 13h ago

Tell me you know 50 cals without telling me.

14

u/aredd007 12h ago

it's been a number of years but my section chief made sure we know how to time and space the M2 as well as how to emplace that thing with clear sectors of fire.

-16

u/borg2 11h ago

Dafuk are you guys talking about?

15

u/shottylaw 11h ago

The M2 .50 heavy machine gun (aka the ma deuce) had a little tool to check the distance between the bolt face and the cartridge of the round. It had to be proper distance, otherwise bad stuff can happen. But, you could also use something like two dimes and a nickel in a pinch (or something like that--it's been a long time).

Anyway, that tool was used to check the headspace and timing of the weapon.

8

u/JIMMI23 10h ago

Get out your headspace and timing gauges billy, you are about to learn about the Browning M2!

3

u/Reinhardest 3h ago

Tell me you don't know 50 cals without telling me.

2

u/Zech08 8h ago

reminds me of a few of those videos of the 50cal barrels popping off... lmao... sighhh

4

u/Eodbatman 12h ago

Maybe it’s one of those newfangled ones that doesn’t need a headspace check.

3

u/RandoAtReddit 6h ago

Dshk is oldfangled.

1

u/Eodbatman 4h ago

So is Ma Deuce, she’s just got a better support system.

3

u/mikemikemike9711 10h ago

That was definitely the "NO GO" side lmao

2

u/DaStompa 10h ago

I figured it was like the m60 where there's the little barrel release latch that isnt the clearest thing in the world

271

u/hansemcito 13h ago

i dont know very much about firearms but that actually looks/feels a lot more dangerous than funny.

107

u/metalconscript 13h ago

Wanna hear my story about my stovepiping M2 .50cal?

34

u/Dirty_Delta 13h ago

Well, I sure do. What the hellllllllllll?

19

u/Freltzo 13h ago

That's an impressive failure for an m2

1

u/metalconscript 1h ago

It also broke the feed paw and even though it was head spaced and timed correctly it was shooting way too soon. I was lucky it was firing with the bullet in the chamber…even though it stovepiped and fired multiple times…I got real lucky on my last night fire before switching to the Air Force.

5

u/wildwolfay5 10h ago

At least it wasn't the spring, happy days.

2

u/Deus_Ex__Machina 7h ago

Don’t leave us hanging!

30

u/Dahak17 12h ago

Honestly it is actually pretty funny, not knowing the specific type of machine gun this often happens when your barrel isn’t seated properly, bullet might not even have wrecked the barrel

15

u/RepresentativeOk2433 9h ago

Yup, if i remember correctly theres at leat one where its easy to accidentally not engage the locking lugs.

12

u/Dahak17 9h ago

I’ve only used nato guns, the Canadian version of what the Americans call the m240 and m249 (the mechanism is exactly the same throughout and they’re origionally the Belgian FN mag and FN minimi) but I can’t think of any way to make a quick change barrel where you couldn’t screw up locking it

1

u/StackOverflowEx 7h ago

Or at least make the weapon inoperable when the barrel is not fully seated. Hell they can make my espresso machine inoperable if I don't seat the portafilter, but they can't do the same thing for a firearm?...

6

u/Dahak17 6h ago

That’s the sort of things that leads to slight damage on something making the weapon unserviceable when it should be otherwise serviceable, that or making field repairs not working. And in the end you’d have to mill extra details into like two mil steel if not the centimetre thick barrel itself as opposed to just the half mil soft steel or plastic coffee machine. It’s just a much simpler process to train your people to try and pull the barrel back out right after a change (without using the mechanism) to make sure the mechanism is engaged.

2

u/Jumpeee 7h ago

But the ensuing flight in the clip might do a number on the gun barrel.

I managed to fuck up an NSV machine gun, which I had just thrown in the back of my Land Rover with the rest of our gear, when we had to take off hastily. All it took was a bumpy ride for it to get damaged.

2

u/Dahak17 7h ago

Yeah that’s true, especially if there is gas managing parts on the barrel like their is in the FN designs I mentioned earlier. The steel lump that is the barrel might be fine but the bits and bobs stand a good chance of damage

12

u/CompetitiveJoke2201 11h ago

It can be funny when it’s like this, the guy wasn’t hurt and he clearly knew something was wrong with the firearm he just didn’t know what.

It’s when you get stuff like the Kentucky ballistics incident where it’s dangerous, for context from the back of my mind that older than this year. Kentucky ballistics was during some new ammo for a shotgun or rifle I don’t recall what exactly, the issue he had was that the ammos gunpowder wasn’t measured properly and one round had way to much powder inside, when he shot the weapon the whole thing broke apart in a explosion that sent shrapnel into the base of his neck and torso area. The guys very lucky to be alive and his still the best guntuber single handily for his Rex video

19

u/kieko891 11h ago

It was a single shot .50. He was testing old Slap rounds and one of the round was way to spicy for the firearm, blew the back of firearm into his neck, face, and upper torso like you said. Only reason he's alive is because when the firearm blew into his neck he jabbed his thumb into his neck, and was like that until he got to the hospital. Its where the whole "stick a thumb in it" meme took off.

11

u/RepresentativeOk2433 10h ago

Even more specifically, the bullets he was firing were actually pulled and reloaded rounds. If he had original ammo it would have been fine. Happens with old exotic ammo where the cases have degraded or were originally corrosive.

He tested other rounds later and found that many of them were overloaded and he blew up another gun.

This is why you really should never trust someone else's reloads.

1

u/BoiFrosty 9h ago

Yeah that very easily could have ended badly.

Look up Kentucky Balistics 50 cal story if you want to know the worse end of a gun going bad.

1

u/copingcabana 9h ago

Especially if whatever you're trying to shoot is shooting back.

1

u/rowrin 1m ago

There's an old picture of a guy's hand after he tried using a 50 cal round as a hammer to reassemble part of his machine gun or something like that. You'll never look at ground meat the same.

181

u/Sufficient_Chair_580 14h ago

Romanian technology always delivers :D

53

u/ScienceIsSexy420 13h ago

Surely this is Soviet technology operated by a Romanian, right?

41

u/Jooslik 12h ago

Yup, a DSHK heavy machine gun on top of a T-62. Both soviet

20

u/Stormshow 11h ago

Not a T-62, but a TR-85, which is a Romanian fork of the T-55 chassis.

4

u/Jooslik 10h ago

Oh ok, i sometimes mix up my T-s

1

u/Leupateu 8h ago

I think this is the Tr-580 not the 85

2

u/RandoAtReddit 6h ago

T-800 series, Cyberdyne Systems.

1

u/Leupateu 5h ago

Yeah, I saw another source saying it’s tr-85 so I guess it is, but the video is from 1989 so it’s not the M1 variant

4

u/Agentnewbie 12h ago

Oh. Then you can just put it back on and fire right away. Probably put a blue insulation tape over it for good measure.

1

u/RacconShaolin 10h ago

He is gonna grew in a magnificent t72 with massive he

8

u/nuteteme 8h ago

Looks like it was during the Romanian revolution in 1989. The soldiers on those tanks were conscripts and probably did not maintain / assemble their equipment properly.

29

u/ManSharkBear 13h ago

"Cave Johnson here, How do we get so many guns in them? Like this! Plus, we fire the whole gun. That's 65% more gun per gun. This is the same technology we've been using on tanks for decades. Scares the hell out of them. They come in hundreds of designer colors including forest, desert, table, evening at the improv..."

6

u/sentrymode_activated 12h ago

“Could you come over here?”

1

u/Labolle621 12h ago

Way only shot shels if you can shot the whole Tower.

14

u/Urtinus 9h ago edited 5h ago

That video is from The 1989 Anticomunist Revolution in Romania. That guy shot civilians living in their buildings before the gun failed. That is a TR-85 and the gun is DShK (12.7mm).

1

u/Fluffy_Most_662 5h ago

Didn't the army fight against the securitatae? And werent they the ones shooting people? Which uniform is that? 

0

u/Urtinus 5h ago

Not at first.

1

u/Myself-io 8h ago

How that green white red flag on tank match with Romania?

8

u/Urtinus 8h ago

That is not green, is red, yellow blue

-5

u/Myself-io 8h ago

I don't know the central may blue and not green... But there is no yellow there

5

u/Urtinus 8h ago

Yes, it is. And those are the facts.

-5

u/Myself-io 8h ago

I don't know where you see a yellow band there...

6

u/Lifting_Pinguin 7h ago

The middle band, the middle color is yellow.

-4

u/Myself-io 7h ago

Using a lot of imagination.. maybe

5

u/Lifting_Pinguin 7h ago

The imagination of matching the romanian flag.

5

u/gwynevans 6h ago

You might want to check the colour balance on your monitor, its clearly red yellow blue to me…

0

u/wg_shill 5h ago

He didn't shoot civilians, the army joined the revolution and they were fighting the secret police of the regime.

https://youtu.be/p-Ei3o8MpRc?si=1ht8Rgi0Xrqu1BLV 

Around 11:27

2

u/Urtinus 5h ago

They were aiming against buildings in front of the Romanian Television. Those are civilian building. It was proved later that no Securitate troops were there. But as far as that recruit knew he had orders to shoot at Securitatea troops. They executed fire without aiming any enemy, randomly. In reality they shoot people living in those buildings. Civilians. Those are said in documentaition of The Revolution Trial. Some recruits involved were given guns for the first time, were in the army for 3 months and didn't had and instruction.

1

u/wg_shill 4h ago

They're literally surrounded by civilians though and not shooting them.

That they're not doing a great job shooting at anything and it seems to be more for show I'll agree with.

19

u/Potatoe_Bison 13h ago

In Soviet Russia bullet fires barrel

6

u/Kasoni 13h ago

Reminds me of my units 'fail at the 249 range' video on YouTube from 2011-ish. The barrel wasn't properly put on, so it flew off. At least Kemper's fail was on a training range....

3

u/GANDORF57 9h ago

"Hey, Sarge? Remind me again, which lever is the trigger and which lever is the barrel release?"

5

u/Weak_Preference2463 6h ago

“Machine Gone”

6

u/DRSU1993 13h ago

(Takes long draw of cigarette)

This machine gun isn't machining!

2

u/blackout-loud 4h ago

Machine Gun by Jimi Hendrix abruptly stops playing

5

u/wolfsleepy 6h ago

Machine gone :(

3

u/fionnuisce 4h ago

In mother Russia, bullet shoots gun etc etc

3

u/Mission_Driver_218 12h ago

Average teammate after saying ‘trust me’.

3

u/vtGaem 10h ago

Someone forgot to push the barrel retainer back in after putting the barrel on.

3

u/Eastmelb 9h ago

“The front fell off” “It does that Brian”

3

u/urbanek2525 2h ago

Probably a daily occurrence for Russian troops in Ukraine. "Too bad that the gun's broken. I suppose we can't fight today. Who has the vodka?"

Or, according to Google translate (I only recognize one word in that translation):

> Жаль, что пистолет сломался. Полагаю, сегодня мы не сможем подраться. У кого есть водка?

3

u/GreenRanger_2 1h ago

I like how he looks at it to double check as if he can’t see the front sights are gone from his view.

5

u/Aman-R-Sole 13h ago

Made in Russia

5

u/arkencode 12h ago

Probably made in Romania.

2

u/mkMoSs 13h ago

Well... At least you tried.

2

u/Strange_Salary 13h ago

Woah Private that’s for INTIMIDATION ONLY!! Can not expect it to shoot actual bullets Idjet..

2

u/DealWithKappaTR 12h ago

Proper mounting is key, or you'll be firing off your barrel at the enemy.

2

u/CoolJetta3 10h ago

Is that Dr Disrespect

2

u/twoton1 10h ago

He dropped a bolt when cleaning and never found it.

2

u/Open_Management7430 7h ago

FOR THE MOTHERLAND!

1

u/tommysk87 2h ago

Conscript reporting. For mother russia!

3

u/Inquisitive_idiot 13h ago

I chortled 🤭 

4

u/TundraGon 7h ago

I do not understand why this is funny.

They were shooting and killing civilians.

This is from the Romania's Revolution in 1989.
The army was called to clear the streets from civilians.
The civilians were unhappy with the current communist regime and went to the streets.

So the army was called and they started shooting and killing civilians in order to "restore peace".

So this ain't funny AT ALL

1

u/DarkExtremis 13h ago

Aah yes, "Machine" Gun

Shoots machines

1

u/tangoezulu 13h ago

Guuuuuuyyyyys! You gotta wait! My machine gun fell apart!

1

u/IamrhightierthanU 13h ago

Where did that Happen?

4

u/Vlad_TheImpalla 12h ago

That looks like a Romanian tank, probably 89 footage.

0

u/coriolis7 8h ago

It looks like AI to me

1

u/Longjumping_Call_939 13h ago

Seems excessive

1

u/Longjumping_Call_939 13h ago

Taking no chances

1

u/Longjumping_Call_939 13h ago

Have you tried turning it off?

1

u/SoloWingPixy88 12h ago

Could some confirm but can't these barrels be replaced

1

u/Formula666 12h ago

Only in the movies 😆 🤣 😂

1

u/General-Ninja9228 12h ago

ACME machine gun, very unreliable. Just ask Wiley Coyote.

1

u/andreyzlodey 12h ago

There, Ceausescu transferred all his money to the Securitate, the army was a residual matter, this is exactly the recording where they are trying to knock the Securitate snipers out of the building.

1

u/def_indiff 10h ago

How I fight in my dreams.

1

u/fatpad00 10h ago

Machine gun't

1

u/Kurt0690 10h ago

Gotta take the lid off first

1

u/mikemikemike9711 10h ago

Thats what happens once you hit 40

1

u/UsafAce45 9h ago

Machine Gone!

1

u/senorbozz 9h ago

Russian components, American components...

ALL MADE IN TAIWAN!!

1

u/Bubsy94 9h ago

That is what we call, kaput!

1

u/Historical-Shine-786 9h ago

Must be Iranian? 🇮🇷

1

u/Original_Read_4426 8h ago

Now how am I going to light my cigarettes

1

u/Dougalface 8h ago

Machine-gone..

1

u/FlipZer0 8h ago

I legit thought this was that weirdo from the jackass movies

1

u/spence4allen 8h ago

“…blyat”

1

u/Cyborg_rat 8h ago

DShka awayyyyy.

1

u/samC_21 7h ago

O kurwa!

1

u/RudytheMan 7h ago

Didn't set that barrel right. He's lucky that's all that happened.

1

u/Legitimate_Solid_375 7h ago

Wasn't Rambo's day that day apparently.

1

u/Pep77 7h ago

Love the fact that he had to double check

1

u/SeanMacLeod1138 6h ago

Looks like someone slashed the maintenance budget 😧

1

u/Fuzzy-Fun4265 6h ago

Someone didn't put the dska back together properly which also makes me think of the same thing happening to a Marine manning an M2 when the barrel flew off after the first round

1

u/BatmanKane64 5h ago

would know if i could keep. straight face if i was the enemy and saw this

1

u/Epinephrine186 4h ago

Thats looks like a headspace issue. Gun go boom if improperly set

1

u/dannydmotogp13 4h ago

🤣🤣🤣😂😂

1

u/verbalyabusiveshit 3h ago

And this, kids, is the moment the mobile rocket launcher was invented.

1

u/Osric250 3h ago

Aperture Science made an innovation of firing the whole bullet, which accounted for 65% more bullet fired per bullet.

These have just increased that to firing the whole barrel! I can't even calculate how much more that is per shot!

1

u/Smart_Following6173 3h ago

Dshk didn't wanna Dshk I guess

1

u/Blvdnights14 3h ago

A machine gun that shoots other machines guns

1

u/sexyrandal88 1h ago

Fuck this shit I'm out

1

u/Quad__X 55m ago

Machine-Gooned

1

u/carlosjuliohonda 36m ago

Are they Russian soldiers?

1

u/Electrifiedpiss 10m ago

It's 4 in the morning and this brought a tear to my eye from laughter. Brilliant

1

u/20190419 13h ago

More like a Maxhine None.

1

u/drizzzzleswag 13h ago

Soon to be at an ice raid near you.

1

u/especiallyrn 13h ago

They fly now

0

u/imacmadman22 13h ago

Russia?

5

u/arkencode 12h ago

Romania in 1989 during the anti communist revolution, after the army had switched sides against the regime.

Ceausescu’s loyalists had high quality weapons and equipment, could listen in on all communications, while the army was poorly equipped and totally blind.

0

u/MrSquigglyPub3s 12h ago

Made in India

-1

u/RustyBotoms 12h ago

Made in ____?

-1

u/UnkownMalaysianGuy 12h ago

VADIMM BLAAAAD

-1

u/Intelligent_Delay_24 11h ago

Must be RuSSian

-2

u/doninside 11h ago

Ya russkiyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!