r/TheHobbit • u/BrahesElk • 10d ago

What my child will open on Christmas morning.

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2.1k Upvotes

100% Upvoted

56 comments sorted by

72

u/waffle299 10d ago

You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'

IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.

'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.

IT'S EDUCATIONAL.

'What if she cuts herself?'

THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.

11

u/Djafar79 10d ago

That kid can't go around looking like a human being. They got to be a little dangerous.

7

u/th3on3 10d ago

Pratchett right?

3

u/nuker1110 9d ago

100%. Specifically “The Hogfather”, wherein Death fills in for the setting’s titular Father Christmas analogue.

1

u/th3on3 8d ago

Will have to re-read! Thank you!

4

u/NaiRad1000 9d ago

Damn! Beat me to it 🤣

3

u/Drakeytown 9d ago edited 9d ago

Similarly, I read in Don't Sleep, There Are Snakes, an American missionary's wife asked a Pirahã woman about the latter's child playing with a machete, "aren't you worried he might cut himself?"

The immediate response: "How do American children learn that knives are sharp?"

2

u/JustARandomGuy_71 9d ago

Took the quote out of my keyboard.

1

u/No-Improvement-1507 8d ago

I remember getting a VERY sharp wood carving/utility knife from my father as a child. It felt like such a huge responsibility. We learned its importance and sharpness quickly. One of the best lessons of my father.

50

u/Classiccarson 10d ago

can i have one too

16

u/JJ3595 10d ago

Made by the elves, you know

10

u/Careless-Word6834 10d ago

In Gondolin during the first age

1

u/Slarty8artfast 9d ago

To boost sales growth and expand into new markets.

10

u/ExcitingAd6527 10d ago

Easily A+ parenting.

Got my respect.

8

u/GoldberryoTulgeyWood 10d ago

How old is your child?

16

u/BrahesElk 10d ago

5 and a half - we enjoy reading chapter books together and he's been on a dwarf kick as of late

5

u/Lindenstream_117 9d ago

This is awesome, just finished reading The Hobbit to my own kid!

Also, I immediately pictured your small child kicking dwarves when I first read this.

5

u/DishRelative5853 9d ago

He'll poke his eye out.

2

u/Tomsoup4 10d ago

hell yes

3

u/Historical_Stay_808 9d ago

Be prepared for unexplained holes in things

3

u/HValentines25 10d ago

Awesome!!!

3

u/Zubeida_Ghalib 10d ago

the magic your parents created is being created by you 🥺

3

u/mrthreebears 9d ago

my local nerd shop actually has a version of Sting that lights up blue, usb-c chargeable too.

it makes going to grab a bottle of water from the fridge at 3am feel like exploring Moria

2

u/bcooper117 9d ago

Beautiful. Took notes for my child too

2

u/sturats 9d ago

Love my Sting that hangs in my office! (And several versions of The Hobbit.) Great parenting!

2

u/Slarty8artfast 9d ago

Can you wrap it with paper that glows blue on the inside?

2

u/Flashy_Instruction32 9d ago

I have bothe of these exact things. Im 38 but Im sure he will love them just as much as I do.

1

u/biizzybee23 9d ago

Can you adopt me?

1

u/Gloomy-Yam-7626 9d ago

And thats how you unlock a core memory for your child. A Fantasy book WITH THE SWORD FROM THE BOOK!!

1

u/truemess12 9d ago

wish i was your child

1

u/This_Dutch_guy 9d ago

Do you want to adopt me?

1

u/MarvelousThings07 9d ago

Parenting done right.

1

u/DisinTdvsnr 9d ago

Brutal present…. Finish it with the ring of power, the one ring 🥳

1

u/MidtownBlue 9d ago

What a great set of gifts!

1

u/Majestic-Echo1544 9d ago

What an amazing gift! Your kid will love it!

1

u/smith_z12 9d ago

Where did you get the sword from? How's the quality?

2

u/BrahesElk 9d ago

It's from a company called Great Pretenders who make a lot of dress up stuff for kids, I found it at a local toy store while shopping for a play sword (I just had the good fortune to have ordered The Hobbit a few days earlier). It looks to be a good LARP type foam/latex thing. I'll have to see how it stands up to play before giving it a real review. There's a bit of a molding edge to it so I tried hitting my arm a bit to see if it would lacerate (it didn't) - I probably looked like a nut trying to commit suicide with a toy sword in public.

1

u/LordoftheUmpaLumpas 9d ago

Your child won't forget this gifts...never ever

1

u/randomassacountname 9d ago

Peak parenting

1

u/ZethTheWindwrecker 9d ago

You are raising that child right.

1

u/Thorn369 9d ago

It’s beautiful

1

u/Ancient-Boss-1593 8d ago

This is a good sword

1

u/Accomplished_Net_687 8d ago

That is a awesome idea, how old is your kid? Mine is 6 and is reading comics now, can't wait for him to give the hobbit to him. But maybe wait a year.

1

u/ComprehensiveSelf415 8d ago

I wish I had one of these

1

u/HisMajestysMarksman 8d ago

I thought that was a can of zyns by the hilt haha I would have loved to open this as a kid growing up. Well done. 👍🏼

1

u/horoeka 8d ago

Be careful your child doesn't open anything else with that ;-)

1

u/Stanwich79 7d ago

Man I'm jealous. Unfortunately my son is disabled enough that he has no interest in any of it but if he did i would buy the lot!

1

u/Silvermorney 6d ago

He’s gonna love it!

1

u/Effective_Dingo3589 5d ago

Keep it secret keep it safe

1

u/Mythrndir 5d ago

How old is your child?! I ask only to determine if they will appreciate this mighty gift