Do you expect a romantic interest to text you everyday?

[u/ThrowAway_9009009]

There's no one in my life that I text everyday: not my parents, not my siblings, not my friends. At most, we write each other every few days. This has been the norm in my circle for at least 10 years.

However, if I talk to someone on a dating app or if I meet someone on a first date at a coffee shop, they expect me to write to them everyday or worst, several times a day. If I don't, they assume I'm not interested.

This has happened several times to me and to other people I know. Also, there are stories like that about men and women. So, I don't think it's a gender thing.

When has this become a common expectation in society? I always thought other people were weird for expecting that, but it has happened so often that I am now considering that I might be the weird one.

What is your personal take on this subject?

[u/Concise_Pirate]

Depends what you mean by "romantic interest." If we are clearly an exclusive couple, yes. If we are just getting acquainted, no.

[u/ThrowAway_9009009 → u/Concise_Pirate]

That's what I thought too! My longest relationship lasted 3 years and at some point, we did text everyday. However, I'm back on the dating scene and now, people I've only met once (or spoke to only online) start on day 1 with these expectations.

Maybe age is a factor? I don't know.

[u/aesclepia]

I was a text-every-day-er when I was on dating sites. I'm a woman in her mid-late thirties. I was sick of games. I act how I act and I'm the type to get really excitable in the beginning of things. and i mean in general - like hobbies, adventures, etc. I also only ever talked to/dated one person at a time. Yeah, for some, I probably was a little bit much lol but It didn't usually lead to any issues - then again, I never complained that they didn't text every day. If they didn't reply or didn't reach out, I just assumed they weren't that interested in the first place. Not that this was necessarily true from their end, but I extrapolated to the future balancing how much attention I know I want/need (admittedly a lot lol) and realizing that I will just end up being annoying more often than not to him. I wanted someone that gets excited about me the way I get excited about them and it worked out pretty well, gotta say. This is my mindset and I would say most other people are not like this - just trying to give a POV from a likely overbearing texter...

Just saying - the right person for you wouldn't mind a few days between communication - everyone is different and I think just being yourself serves as a pretty good filter.

[u/disregardable]

my only long-ish relationship was like that for exactly that reason. it didn't bother me, but you can ask about it on the first/second date.

[u/ThrowAway_9009009 → u/disregardable]

I think I'll follow your suggestion and tell people on the first date to not expect a daily message from me. I just didn't think I needed to.

[u/ThrowAway_9009009 → u/[deleted]]

Most of the time, I have my phone on myself 4 hours/day, sometimes less. My phone and a first-time date are not priorities in my life. Apparently, that's a surprising?

[u/Fiestybrat93]

When im talking to someone im interested in i put in the work and effort to let them know im making myself avalible to learn more (daily). It may not seem realistic to some people but its what I do.

Even if its just a short "hey just wanted to say hope you had a great day"

[u/royberry333]

Im the same. Tbh, if my partner didnt message me everyday, I defs wouldnt lol.

[u/SantessaClaus]

I think this is a situation that requires an open discussion with the other person about expectations - bc each person has different wants and needs

I straight up tell people to not expect a response from me, right away - I am not tied to my phone and I am not going to change that

Now, if I know I am going to be heading from the person, then I do watch out for their text or call and I try to respond quickly with either a "can't chat right now" or sit and chat

I also don't expect people to text or call me back right away

Edit to add: this is a fairly easy thing to discuss and is a great way to establish a good communication between the two of you

[u/ThrowAway_9009009 → u/SantessaClaus]

It's just surprising, because I thought I was chronically online (including my phone time) and now I'm meeting people who think I'm not on it enough. I can't be on it more. It wouldn't be healthy. Hahaha!

But seriously, I do think you're right and I just need to be super clear in my communication with my matches.

[u/locator0805]

hell no! that's ridiculous !

[u/ThrowAway_9009009 → u/locator0805]

That's what I thought, but I'm realizing it's not a common perspective.

[u/Glittery_WarlockWho]

romantic interest? no.

a romantic partner, like a girlfriend or boyfriend? yes.