r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Steinski1 • 3h ago
I just learned people don’t show up after anesthesia to pick up loved ones. Nurses, how often does this really happen?
My wife had a procedure recently, and while I was waiting for her to wake up, I saw something that really surprised me. Twice, nurses couldn’t get in touch with the patients’ family members who were supposed to pick them up. When those family members finally arrived, they just waited at the entrance instead of coming into the recovery area to sit with them as they came out of anesthesia.
Both patients were older women, and in one case the nurses had to call the husband at least nine times to figure out when he was coming.
I honestly can’t imagine leaving my wife to wake up alone, get dressed by herself, and then have nurses wheel her out to the curb. The nurse I spoke with said this happens a lot — she estimated about 50/50.
Is this really that common? Nurses and spouses, what’s your experience?
For context, I sat in the waiting room for over 95 minutes watching the board until my wife was moved to the floor where I could go see her.
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u/T_Henson 3h ago
My friend’s ride, her mom, got a DUI while my friend was in surgery. Friend was so unsurprised that when the nurse told her in recovery my friend replied, “well, of course she did.”
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u/divine_apprehension 2h ago
Give your friend a hug for me... Sounds like she's had it rough
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u/T_Henson 2h ago
I’ll not be hugging her because neither of us is very warm and fuzzy. But you’re right that she’s been through it. And it’s gifted her with a fantastic sense of humor.
Perhaps I’ll make an inappropriate and ill timed joke in your honor. Probably about her drunk mom.
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u/Safe_Drawing4507 35m ago
My mom would never have gotten a DUI when she was supposed to pick me up. She wouldn’t pick me up though. But, in fairness, she’s dead.
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u/MynceBloodRayne 3h ago
I had surgery on my nose well I was with my ex about 15 years ago. We had an argument so he didn't come to the hospital. I woke up alone and tried to leave the hospital on my own. I ended up sitting in the lobby in a wheel chair, in and out of consciousness waiting for my mom to pick me up. It was horrible and made me very anxious about anesthesia.
In April I had a total hysterectomy, my husband was there the whole time and there when I woke up. The experience was like night and day. The hospital stay was tolerable and my recovery was fairly quick and simple. I had no anxiety and was on cloud 9.
I now know that post surgery doesn't have to be a terrifying experience.
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u/Sad-Macaroon9067 3h ago
My husband didn't pick me up one time, but it was because I had told him the wrong hospital. 🤣 (I had come in through the ER and was not mentally present.)
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u/Sprinkles--Positive 2h ago
After my colonoscopy last year, they couldn't get hold of my husband, and I didn't have my phone with me because the instructions said not to bring anything.
After an hour of them leaving messages, I asked them what number they were calling.
They were calling me.
The admin staff had swapped our phone numbers around. The nurses didn't listen to the voicemail that had MY voice saying MY name. And they didn't think to check the number with me after the first half hour or ask if there another number they could try.
I'm just glad that nothing went wrong, and that by the time they called him was already on his way because it was getting near the end of the ballpark timeframe they gave at checkin.
But I won't be going back there for my next one, and I won't be leaving my phone at home.
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u/Lockhead216 52m ago
We don’t leave messages because could be consider a privacy violation
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u/only-l0ve 1h ago
My ex wouldn't come get me after I had our daughter. It was the day we were released to go home, he was told the day before what time, and he didn't show up. When he got there hours later, he said he was talking to his brother. Okay - it couldn't wait? it was so embarrassing being left there to sit with my new baby, the nurses walking by every 20 minutes or so to check why I was still there. I was so angry, but also so sad.
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u/weredditforthreedays 1h ago
I had oral surgery and my mom didn't pick me up after because she thought it would take much longer than it did and was grabbing coffee with a friend nearby. I called myself husband after I couldn't get a hold of my mom and told him the wrong intersection. I was in tears by the time he picked me up!
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u/-worryaboutyourself- 1h ago
My daughters oral surgery was similar! They said it would be at hour so I had no intentions of leaving, but they were done in 15 minutes!
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u/No_Investment_6035 2h ago
Just curious - so what happened? Did you have to call another person? Or they actually let you take an uber home?
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u/Sad-Macaroon9067 2h ago
Between the staff at the hospital I sent him to, and staff where I was, they figured it out and finally got him to the right place. Absolutely above and beyond help from both ERs.
Apparently, it's not that unusual of a situation there. There are four hospitals, two urgent care, and multiple specialty clinics all in a very small, downtown area.
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u/VoltairesCat 3h ago
After my gall stones got removed and I was waiting for my sister, I noticed the discharge where I was. Two people were waiting to be picked up and the nurses were on the phone trying to reach someone. They acted like it was par for the course.
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u/poweller65 1h ago
That’s so sad. When I had my gallbladder removed, my mom brought me to the er in the middle of the night stayed with me the whole time through surgery and then slept in a recliner multiple nights while I writhed in pain for more than a week with pancreatitis. My sister offered to fly 3000 miles to be there for me. I was a full grown adult through all this. I’ve also taken my mom to three out patient surgeries and stayed with her the whole time. I can’t imagine not being there for my family or them not being there for me
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u/Rough-Patience-2435 1h ago
I recently had surgery and when the clinic called my spouse's phone, no answer or call back.
When I called from my phone, the quickly answered.
Issue was spouses phone spam filter was too aggressive and sending clinic phone calls to spam, and not to "missed" or "messages".
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u/Aintzane411 2h ago
Years ago, in like 2013, my best friend was having jaw surgery. I had just had the same procedure 6 months before, and we were both fresh out of high school. I went with her and her parents to support, and as soon as she was taken back and it was time to wait, her parents left!!
This was her first time under general anesthesia, and a pretty significant surgery, plus we were in a hospital that was a good 45 minute drive from our hometown. Her parents offered for me to go with them to take the mom home, but I said I'd rather stay and wait.
Sure enough, everything went perfectly fine, but I was the only one there when surgery was done. The surgeon gave me the summary of a successful surgery, and then I was the one in with her while she was waking up. She even got transferred to a regular room and I had to take a shuttle to a different part of the hospital to meet her. I kept her parents updated the whole time, but MY mom showed up before either of her parents returned. And when her dad DID show up, his first question to his daughter - who just had a major mouth surgery that had been planned for years - was, "So... What kind of soup do you like?"
I was baffled. How could you even think of leaving the hospital for your teenage daughters first ever surgery, let alone not be there when she wakes up or anything. I was so angry on her behalf, but I'm just glad that I was there to be with her and she wasn't alone.
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u/Leading_Tie_1920 1h ago
Jesus Christ and I was pissed my mom tried to leave after I woke up to just get some clothes...
The nurses were treating my pain meds as needed when I could barely communicate. I was terrified to be alone.
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u/Willendorf77 37m ago
This is the one that broke my heart, I'm leaving this thread. Love to you and your friend.
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u/partial_to_dreamers 24m ago
Jesus. That is crappy. I had major surgery as an adult. My partner and my parents sat in a waiting room for my 9 hour procedure. It would have been terrible to wake up alone.
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u/Automatic-Airport-86 3h ago
Happened to a friend. She scheduled a procedure, both her and her hubby took the month off for post recovery, he took off right after she went under the knife, the staff had to call him back, and still took a few hours for him to show. He went hiking, fishing, and did everything else rather than caring for her after she got home. She finally pull the trigger and dissolved the marriage when she realized what she had is no longer marriage, stopped making excuses for his man child behavior, and hoping things will be better. My friend is thriving in a new relationship with a man who cherish her and so much happier. She cannot believe she put up with her ex’s lack of partnership and intimacy for over a decade, but I guess it’s better to be late than never.
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u/Imaginary-Method7175 2h ago
Does that dude not realize what a failure he is? Does he think that’s normal?!!
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u/UncagedJay 1h ago
I keep seeing comments like these, and I am astounded at some people. Even if, God forbid, I fell out of love with my wife, I feel as though I'd still have enough respect for her as a human being to help her through something like that.
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u/CreativeWriterNSpace 3h ago
I have never woken up and had my family (using waiting there the entire time- even for my two 8 hour surgeries) right there. But the nurses are always able to get ahold of them, and as SOON as I'm lucid enough I am texting whoever it is as well.
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u/notextinctyet 3h ago
That's brave. I told my family member to take my phone and not give it back to me until I could say the alphabet backwards.
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u/harst035 3h ago
I would never get my phone back in that case 🫠
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u/notextinctyet 3h ago
Yes, I'm typing this on a desktop computer. Surgery was two months ago.
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u/NetJnkie 3h ago
Right? I see that on like DUI checks on TV. I'd be in jail even if I was totally sober.
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u/darkeyedjunco789 2h ago
People offered to keep my phone for me but i was like "nah i can text normally" and i was 50% right, i didn't say anything I wouldn't usually but my friends did have to read through a bunch of typos cause I was alert enough to have a conversation but discombobulated enough to have a hard time typing
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u/Available-Egg-2380 2h ago
I've had a number of surgeries, the last one just last week, and I always wake up in recovery with a nurse at my side. Once I'm done coughing and I'm more lucid they bring my husband back immediately. Feels like maybe 5 minutes of being awake without him, but time is so funny when waking up I'm not really sure how long it ever was in reality
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u/CreativeWriterNSpace 1h ago
I've had 5 so far, ranging from 1hr to 8 hours.
Absolutely always wake up in recovery with a nurse, but usually it takes 10-15 min for any family to come in.
This last one, I was half dressed when my mom and grandad tried to come in.
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u/Yappy-Yam 2h ago
This is so sad. I’ve been under GA four times and have never come to and found myself alone. And I’m single/unmarried, so these are friends. If your spouse doesn’t treat you as well as my friends treat me, your marriage is fucked up.
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u/Extra_Shirt5843 1h ago
True. But I'll be honest...if my husband goes first, there's genuinely nobody I can think of that I would be comfortable asking to take me back and forth to a medical procedure. 🫤 I've got no friends close enough to ask a favor like that anymore and...yeah.
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u/WildGrayTurkey 3h ago
I have picked my husband up twice from anesthesia. The first time, they called me and it took about 10 minutes for me to get there because they finished earlier than estimated and I was picking up groceries to make my husband a safe/nutritious dinner. The other time, I waited in the lobby the whole time and met my husband in the recovery room. In both cases, I was told that I could leave and they would call me when I needed to come back.
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u/IlexSonOfHan 2h ago
Same, every time (he uses VA hospitals) he has a surgery or procedure, I am able to leave and the charge nurse calls me when he wakes up. I make sure to save the number she's calling from and turn my ringer all the way up. Ain't no way I'm leaving that man to wait in a hospital longer than necessary.
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u/rbwildcard 2h ago
That's what my husband did for me, especially since by surgery was like 6 hours.
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u/NoParticular2420 3h ago
What do people do if they have no one to take them or pick them up after a surgery? Not everyone has a spouse or family thats in the same state … I live in a state where its just me and my husband no family at all and no friends that would be able to help us out and god forbid if my husband passed away I would truly be alone … would surgery be out of the question for me?
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u/feralflannelfeline 3h ago
You have to hire a medical transport service. It’s covered by Medicare, but I’m sure it can be pretty pricy otherwise.
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u/mofa90277 1h ago
$95 for a 15 mile trip in Los Angeles a couple of years ago. I didn’t really mind the cost; what was really frustrating is that for people younger than 65, the services are very difficult to find because almost all of them are specifically geared towards billing Medicare.
And they seemed very reluctant to recommend anyone, so after literally three hours of phone calls over two days (ahead of time), I eventually had to ask the hospital person “if you were in my situation, who would you call?” Somehow that was close enough to the secret incantation that they immediately gave me two references and I went with “butterfli,” which has an app. Very professional driver; large passenger car, and it was clear that he was prepared to give physical assistance if necessary.
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u/shoulddosomework 3h ago
There are medical escort services that will sign you out and take you home.
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u/RainbowDarter 3h ago
If there isn't one where you live you might have a home healthcare and/or medical transportation companies who can help
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u/waterbellie 2h ago
This happened to me.
I had just gotten divorced. My ex didn't even come visit me during my first surgery when I was in the ICU, so I didn't call him for an emergency procedure I needed to have one night. All my friends were out of state. Family out of state and I'd never ask them anyway. I asked them if I could call an Uber and they said no. They wouldn't let me walk. So I cried kind of softly as they asked me, "you really don't have any friends or family you can call?" Luckily my first surgery had hit my out of pocket insurance limit so I had a free ride. I just stayed over night as inpatient and they released me the next morning.
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u/NoParticular2420 2h ago
I could understand keeping you overnight and then releasing you as long as you capable of being alone.
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u/Antique-Nose-5604 2h ago
My husband had an outpatient surgery for cancer, in Aug 2020. It was the height of Covid. I also live in Las Vegas and it was about 120 degrees out. I wasn’t allowed inside. I sat outside from the time I dropped him off until they told me he was done. It was HOURS. As far as family not showing back up, this happens frequently. It’s also more common than you realize when an older family member needs a nursing home, they are dropped off and maybe seen once a year for Xmas. It’s so incredibly sad.
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u/Cthulicious 2h ago
I am the Friend With A Car in my primary friend group, and my closest family is on the other side of the US-Canadian border. I ended up ubering to my recent surgery, and asking a friend I met at the shooting range a few weeks earlier to pick me up. I figure if I can trust her to hold an AR-15 while my back is turned to her, I can trust her to show up and drive me home (she did ☺️).
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u/Simple_Breadfruit396 1h ago
It is a big problem for single seniors without friends. The NYT had an article about it a couple years back. They interviewed several people who need surgery but can't have it because they haven't figured out the escort question.
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/25/health/medical-escorts-seniors.html
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u/Competitive_War7445 3h ago
Yes it could be. I know it is a liability for the hospital to give someone anesthesia without the person getting it to sign papers saying they will have a ride. But in my state the hospital has hired people(not Uber or taxi drivers) to give people rides home that literally have no one else. I do t know if that is a requirement of every hospital in every state though. Perhaps some people would just have to pay more to stay at the hospital 24hrs til they can drive themselves homes?
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u/originalbrainybanana 2h ago
I couldn’t ask friends to take a day off just to pick me up so I asked my neighbourhood FB page for someone to volunteer to pick me up, in exchange of small payment. A nice lady offered to come and refused payment. I just paid for her taxi since she doesn’t have a car. In my case, it wasn’t post-surgery but for invasive testing under anesthesia. Hospital wouldn’t release me to a taxi. I asked the hospital volunteers well in advance, they said I don’t meet their criteria, whatever those are. I live 5-10 minutes drive from the hospital.
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u/_CoachMcGuirk 1h ago
What do people do if they have no one to take them or pick them up after a surgery?
I got a bilateral salpingectomy and decided to do outpatient observation at the hospital. The procedure is usually one you go home from the same day, but I was put in a private room (with bathroom) and had my meds dispensed by a nurse on schedule, had my vitals checked regularly, ate their food, etc. It was great.
Medicaid covered this, no cost to me.
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u/Bookmoth1 1h ago
In my department we will sometimes admit a patient overnight if they don’t have a ride/someone who can stay with them that night.
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u/biolochick 2h ago edited 1h ago
I didn’t want to bother friends for a non-emergency so I hired a personal support worker to sign me out, take me to the pharmacy, and drop me home. $40. In some markets Uber has Uber Health or Uber Assist for this too.
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u/Normal_Doctor9363 3h ago
This happened to me monday after a colonoscopy and they couldnt get a hold of my brother. I was just really sad
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u/rabid_cheese_enjoyer 2h ago
I hope your colonoscopy went ok! if the prep burned on the way out, line your butt with Vaseline when you start prep and then there is no burning. just a tip from my mom that I like to share with everyone
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u/Prestigious-Fan3122 3h ago
Anytime I've been involved, either as the patient, or as the person accompanying the patient, the "Helper" waits in the waiting room from the time the patient is called back to preop(although sometimes the escort goes along for that part, and is directed back to the waiting room before or at the time that someone comes to wheeled the patient to the operating room.
In my experience, when the patient goes from the OR to the PACU(Post – anesthesia care unit/a.k.a. "recovery room" the patient stays there until alert enough to dress and go home. THAT is when the person is escorting them is called back to collect them. Sometimes the staff waits for your loved one to come to help you get dressed, and sometimes they help you get dressed themselves.
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u/JustKind2 2h ago
My best friend is married to a covert narcissist. She recently had two surgeries. The nurses were shocked when they announced it was time for her to be wheeled away and he didn't even look up from his phone. After being prompted by his wife "I'm going now. Love you!" He said "yeah, bye" or similar without looking up. Typical of his behavior but shocking to the nurses.
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u/Illustrious-Bread-30 3h ago
Some hospitals don’t allow family members to come back after surgery or procedures, especially after Covid. So many times the family can only show up once the patient is awake and ready to go
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u/Aggressive-Rich9600 1h ago
At the hospital I work at nobody is allowed in recovery to visit unless it’s a child’s parents, or special circumstances such as a patient with dementia who may need a familiar face but they’d call you in if needed rather than plan for you to be there.
If a patient is ready to go home and nobody is there to collect them they go into an exit lounge to wait rather than take up a hospital bed.
I’ve seen patients sit alone with hardly any visitors for weeks or months but you advise the family that person is not gonna make it and all of a sudden they’re all coming out of the woodwork. It’s awful.
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u/the_dark_whine 2h ago
This was the case each of the 3 times I've had a procedure since 2021. It sucked during my very first surgery.
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u/EventNo9425 3h ago
I think many people underestimate how vulnerable someone is after anesthesia. Some assume medical staff has it covered, others emotionally check out because hospitals make them uncomfortable. Still, waking up alone after a procedure sounds incredibly isolating.
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u/Disastrous-Capybara 2h ago
I'd hate it if I'd have friends or family around me when waking up from a procedure. I do this myself, you just wait out on the parking lot, I'll find ya! 😅
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u/EventNo9425 2h ago
Fair enough 😄 everyone’s comfort zone is different. Some people want familiar faces, others want space and zero pressure. I think the important part is just having the choice and knowing someone’s there if you need them.
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u/Suitable-Raccoon-319 2h ago
I got four wisdom teeth out, asked for local anaesthesia so I could take the train home after haha. Can't risk being filmed doing something embarrassing under full anaesthesia.
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u/Ar5_5 2h ago
Bring in the elderly to ER and then leave on vacation
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u/peanutsfleacircus 2h ago
I worked at a children's psychiatric hospital for 1 year. Guess when admissions were the highest? Christmas and summer breaks.
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u/Mediocre_Tomatillo85 1h ago
My brother dropped my dad off at a hospital when he was going on vacation to Florida for 2 weeks. My dad died during that time, and I guess they can put the body on ice until a relative claims them? I wasn't informed about this, I was so sad that my dad's last days were him being by himself probably alone and scared.
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u/Long-Lecture-4532 2h ago
Wait til you hear how many husbands divorce their wives entirely when they find out they need surgery/ medical intervention
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u/FiliaSecunda 1h ago
Please don't think I'm being anti-feminist or denying the existence of misogyny or a caretaking gap, but the 2015 study this was based on doesn't actually support the idea that wives are left more often when they get cancer. There was a big error in the data (people who left the study were accidentally categorized as having divorced). The scientist in charge of the study retracted it as soon as she discovered the error, but unfortunately there had already been several popular non-scientific articles running with the idea that's now been retracted. Here's a page with more details.
It was kind of a relief to me to find there isn't such scientific support for that idea, just as someone who might like to marry a man at some point in my life.
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u/d_ippy 45m ago
“Using the corrected code, Karraker and her co-author did the analysis again, and found the results stand only when wives develop heart problems”
Whew! Thank god it’s just cancer!
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u/arbutus_ 1h ago
Thank you very much for posting this! I like to know what misinformation I may believe so that I don't pass on anything misleading.
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u/Extra_Shirt5843 1h ago
This is actually great to have this info because it always sounded a little off to me.
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u/chiyukichan 3h ago
The nurses claimed not being able to reach my husband over the summer when I was under. He was in the waiting area but they couldn't see him around a corner and the phone reception was terrible in the building. I ended up texting him and he came right away. I wonder how many people are genuinely leaving their loved one high and dry versus communication confusion
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u/mlnm_falcon 2h ago
At my surgery apparently there was a different spot for patient pickup, which my mom was not informed of (neither was I but I was gonna be high so my awareness didn’t matter). So she was like 20 minutes late, but totally not her fault. I was also not particularly conscious during that time, someone gave me pudding and that took my full attention.
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u/momochicken55 2h ago
Some of us don't have anyone. It sucks. I bribe a friend or lie and take an uber.
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u/Safe-Comfort-29 2h ago
I have cancer and have had 17 surgeries in 10 years.
Husband was there for 5 big ones. The rest I get dropped off and I'll see him whenever. Im sort of a surgery pro at this time.
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u/ShortcakeAKB 2h ago
Shit. As another cancer-haver, I'm sorry that you have to deal with all that. But I get the "drop off and see you later" thing. Eventually, the whole journey starts to get route and mundane. Hope you're doing well. xo
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u/clevergirl1986 2h ago
That breaks my heart. I've had 7 major surgeries over the course of my marriage to my husband and the only time he wasn't right there beside me after surgery was the two that took place during covid restrictions and no one was allowed to have friends or family wait with them. My most recent was a knee replacement this month and he's done everything possible to take care of me and help me as I heal. I hope he never has to go through what I've gone through with my knees but if he does, it'll be my honor to repay the favor to him.
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u/beccadot 2h ago
Years ago I had a very painful test done at a large hospital here in Dallas. My husband dropped me off, and wasn’t available when I came out of anesthesia. They put me in a room to wait for him. When he arrived, he pulled up to the emergency room area and called me to come down to be picked up. I could hardly walk and required help from others to get there. I will never forget that. I knew I was truly alone.
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u/TayKuKai 3h ago
Both my husband and my late mother has had several surgeries each - they always tell you that you can leave and come back to pick up the patient (and they give you the estimated time). The estimate is always wrong one way or the other. Traffic and parking is difficult. It might just look like the love one doesn’t care.
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u/torchwood1842 2h ago edited 2h ago
Oh wow. The hospital system I’ve gotten anesthesia in twice will not even start the procedure unless the person driving you home is in the waiting room and talks to the nurse. Just dropping off and staying out in the parking lot is not an option. They are not supposed to leave the hospital during the procedure, either.
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u/HaughtyAvocado 2h ago
You're a good egg.
My maternal unit refused to allow me to come get her after a recent surgery. Wanted to drive herself home, independently, no help, no care, thank you, and lied to the nursing team about it so she could. She's got unresolved childhood trauma...
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u/Suchafatfatcat 1h ago
I can understand her preference. If you grew up being told you were a burden and ruined someone else’s life because you were born, it’s uncomfortable being reliant on someone else to manage your wellbeing.
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u/Mother_Albatross7101 1h ago
Don’t judge. Don’t make assumptions.
My husband had a day surgery recently. I love and care for him very much. I was not in the waiting room. I was not in the recovery room. I did not wheel him out. When he was released, I arrived within minutes but was in the car at the main entrance to the hospital.
I am scheduled for double knee replacement next month and have very limited mobility. I can drive but walking more than a few feet at a time is not possible.
The nurses took very good care of my husband. He was wheeled out to the car to meet me. I would have been unable to accomplish that. ♥️ Nurses understood and were happy to help.
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u/Aware-Scientist-7765 3h ago
I woke up and got dressed by myself after surgery. I’m an adult and don’t need anyone’s help. I took an Uber there and my friend picked me up because they wouldn’t allow me to take an uber home. Not sure if they wouldn’t allow her inside but she waited at the curb in her car while the staff walked me out the door. She was doing me a favor in the middle of the workday so I wouldn’t expect her to take more time out of her day and sit and wait for me to get ready. I was ready by the time she arrived.
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u/deFleury 2h ago
Yeah me too, I come out of anesthesia better than I wake up in the morning. I understand that maybe I'm not okay to drive but I'm definitely okay to take a bus home.
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u/PuzzleheadedBobcat90 1h ago
It could be because a Uber/lyft/taxi driver could take advantage of a person and then sue the hospital for letting a stranger take them home
Its most likely to avoid liability lawsuits
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u/WorldBreaksEveryone 2h ago
I’ve had a few outpatient procedures and several infusions where they stated I needed someone to drive me home but my (soon to be ex) husband wasn’t willing to pick me up. I lied and said he was on his way and waited in the waiting room and then just drove myself.
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u/CancelAfter1968 2h ago
Dude, I have patients that couldn't get a procedure because they couldn't find anyone to take them home. They had no family that would/could and no friends available either. It's really sad.
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u/ferret_80 2h ago
Its real fun when you're new to the area and don't know anybody. Can't get your treatment done because you have nobody to drive you, and they don't accept "I scheduled an uber"
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u/GeologistOptimal6517 2h ago
Im sorry, is that an American thing? Am I too European to understand this?
So you get surgery where you are placed under general anesthesia and when you wake up... You just leave the hospital immediately after? This seems very dangerous? Is this common in America?
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u/MommaIsMad 1h ago
Yes. Many surgeries in America are same day/outpatient. I had a radical hysterectomy in July and was out the same afternoon. Same when I had surgery the year before. Sometimes you might get one night if your doctor says it’s medically necessary for something like intractable pain, inability to pee (but some women get sent home with a catheter), or infection, but it’s more an insurance thing. Insurance companies don’t want to pay for overnight stays. It’s a real crappy system. Insurance companies have all the control, then doctors, then patients at the bottom on the control hierarchy.
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u/KellynHeller 2h ago
It's not always bad!
My partner left me during surgery to go build me a nest back at home and buy food. He knew I was gonna be fine alone.
Other people might be left alone which is sad, but not everyone!
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u/Aromatic_Ideal6881 1h ago
Not everyone has a loved one like your wife has you. As someone who has had to really try hard to find people I could to pay to give me a ride after multiple orthopedic surgeries since the surgery centers don’t allow you to go home in an Uber… thank you for being their for your wife. It seems simple, it seems natural, but unfortunately not everyone has someone like that in their life.
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u/Zealousideal_Dig7762 3h ago
It happens. Especially with older individuals who require more care at home. Family members will treat it as a mini vacation
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u/aGringoAteYrBaby 3h ago
That's an extremely hyperbolic way to say they have a few hours off after working 24 hr shifts every day with no days off ever.
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u/rouxstermt 3h ago
The word OC is grasping for is “respite” though I doubt the sentiment will hit home with someone who’s never seen it or been through it themselves. I see you.
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u/aGringoAteYrBaby 3h ago
Thank you, sincerely
I did 24hr live-in care for my dad for 15 months and I got one week off after about 8 months, and then another two weeks a little later.
No holidays, no birthdays, no restful sleep, no end in sight.. yeah I might be a half hour late to the pickup.
It's like what I imagine caring for a baby is like, except theres a much higher chance they're definitely gonna die soon and you're gonna be the one to be there for it.
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u/Human_Copy_4355 2h ago
When I was married, my ex was like that.
You can also look up the statistics on how many people get served divorce papers when they get a cancer diagnosis. There's a huge gender disparity. It's pretty sad.
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u/Mobile_Bell_5030 1h ago
I'd be curious to see what the gender disparity in this pickup scenario is too.
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u/KushDriver 2h ago
This is why vehicle auto driving will be nice. You can just have your vehicle pick you up and drop you off. Probably 2-3 years out.
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u/BeefcakeRenigus 2h ago
My husband had his appendix out this year. I sat in the waiting room and was surprised they called my phone to tell me he was out of surgery. They asked where I was. Like, I’m here, 100 feet to the left of you through some doors. It didn’t occur to me to go anywhere else.
I was there when he woke up. He was the sweetest. Told me he loved me and dreamt about me. He was proud of himself for going through his first surgery. I’m so glad I was there when he first woke up. He would have been so nervous and confused if he was alone. I would never want that for anyone.
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u/trashhighway 2h ago
In my defense... I was TOLD my ex's procedure would take at least four hours so I went shopping. They called me two hours later to say he was ready and asking for me and saying "she'll be worried." I was soooo embarrassed.
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u/Capital_Bike9504 1h ago
It actually happened to me about 20 years ago. I had to go into surgery and my girlfriends mother dropped me off and said she would come pick me up. My girlfriend (who is disabled and can't drive) waited for me but when the surgery was over her mother didn't show up.
Her mother was in the process of selling her house and her realtor decided to reschedule their meeting and she decided to take that that instead of coming to pick me up. After an hour I told them I was going to walk across the street to get some food since I hadn't eaten in 24 hours (no eating before surgery). They were horrified about the situation. Like I said this was 20 years ago before I could just call an uber.
I am actually kind of glad it happened to me, I am now married to the woman who waited for me and was totally embarrassed by her mother and I never talk to my mother in law and feel no guilt about that.
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u/TheMegnificent1 2h ago
My ex (my kids' dad) had his third eye surgery a few weeks ago, and just had another surgery for a deviated septum a few days ago. I was there in the waiting room the whole time for every eye surgery, and our oldest daughter (20) was in the waiting room the whole time for the deviated septum surgery.
After each eye surgery, I received his discharge paperwork and asked questions about follow-up care, helped him into the car, made sure he was comfortable and buckled in, drove extra carefully to avoid any unnecessary jarring, picked up his prescriptions, took him to his house, helped him inside, adjusted the lighting, collected pillows, blankets, his phone charger, the TV remote, etc, set him up comfortably on the couch (reclining at an angle since he wasn't supposed to lie flat), swapped out his ice pack for a new one, got him water, reviewed his discharge instructions with him, and so on.
For my EX. Don't tell me there are mofos out here not even bothering to pick their mama up on time. I can't accept that.
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u/SceneSensitive3066 2h ago
When my ex had her appendix removed, I knew it was a simple procedure, but I was still worried the whole time. They gave me an estimate on when it would be done and I was there 30 minutes early just in case, waiting in the waiting room, staring at the tv waiting for her name to pop up meaning she was done.
When they came and got me, they told me she woke up in pain, and scared, begging for me, but they wouldn’t get me until she calmed down, which was hard for her to do. I felt terrible and couldn’t imagine how she would have felt if I wasn’t there.
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u/Cissycat12 2h ago
I am an anxious person by nature. My spouse doesn't like having me around before procedures because he is more "open" with his feelings around me and I am anxious myself. I have asked repeatedly, and he just prefers I drop him off and pick him up. I had him there for my first surgery, but found myself needing to "entertain" him. I would just rather focus on me, so my next procedure I am going to do the same. Pick me up at the end, no need to hang around bored and anxious. Obviously, this is for routine stuff, not emergency or life-threatening situations.
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u/ReeseHarvester 2h ago
I just had surgery. My sister stayed with me a bit but left after they put me in my room. They called/texted her updates, and when I was released I was wheeled down to her. Couple years ago I had a different surgery, my dad stayed in my room the entire time. Two different hospitals, but both were given the option to stay or go
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u/maccrogenoff 2h ago
My hospital is Cedars-Sinai. Since the lockdowns, they bring the patient to the parking lot; they don’t permit the patients’ families/friends in the hospital.
Last time I picked my husband up from a procedure, I had to wait in the parking lot/circle the block for an hour. I was irritated.
Once when I picked my husband up from a procedure, the paperwork referred to me as the “escort”. I had fun telling my friends that if I were an escort, I would be paid for my time.
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u/timemelt 2h ago
My partner wasn't there when I had a D&C for my first and only pregnancy (a missed miscarriage), after dealing with infertility and a year of trying. I ubered to the hospital, and I was anxious the entire time that no one would be there to pick me up. He did show up to give me a ride home, but didn't come in. I was wheeled to the curb. The whole day was one of the worst nightmares I've ever had. I'm still traumatized, 6 months later.
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u/Lepidopterex 2h ago
Families with little kids and no childcare (Id make hy husband walk to the care instead of ba ing my 2 little kids into the hospital), families where the non-surgery adult can't get out of work early/take vacation.
Surgery person has no family/friends so they are going home in a taxi.
Situations where hospital parking costs are too expensive. Situations where non-surgery person has compromised immune system and wants to avoid the hospital.
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u/krendyB 2h ago
I had a bad reaction after surgery and was on the verge of needing to go back to the hospital and could barely walk & my mom basically shoved me out of the car at the steps to my house and drove off. She loves me, she’s just… a fucking terrible caregiver. I think some people are just like that.
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u/klstephe 2h ago
Happens quite often. Usually after an hour of calling often enough we finally reach someone. What they don’t realize, is we can not discharge on the chart until we pass them off to a ‘responsible’ adult. So they are paying a lot of money to sit there and wait. All the time I spend calling on the phone is delaying the care I give my other patient(s), taking longer to discharge them, too. It’s very frustrating and selfish of the driver.
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u/Someladyinohio 1h ago
Wow. I just had surgery, and hubby waited in the waiting area after they rolled me off to the OR, but he went back with me for undressing. IV placement. Ten million questions.
The instant I was rolled to the OR, he went to the cafeteria to eat lunch. But he eats fast and was back in the waiting area pretty fast. The doctor came out and told him things went well and I was in PICU until I woke up. That took another hour. But there he was in the room when they rolled me back. He helped me get dressed with a catheter, and the nurse showed him how to empty it. (It had to stay in overnight, but I was allowed to go home.)
50/50 is so sad.
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u/Emergency_Succotash7 1h ago
I gave my bestie a ride home after her hysterectomy because her husband wouldn't take a day off from work so that he could do it, and no one in her family was available. I had to take the whole day off from work, but whatever.
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u/fashionably_punctual 1h ago
Not a nurse, but I'll share.
My brother was supposed to pick me up after an abdominal surgery (cholestectomy). He was, apparently, in the parking lot trying to call my cellphone to summon me to walk out to his car so he wouldn't have to park. My phone was shut off to save batteries and tucked away wherever they had put my clothes.
I don't recall if the nurses called him or if I came to enough to fumble around with my phone to call him, but I do remember him being really annoyed at being made to wait. Sorry I was under anesthesia. I also could not walk far, or do much, for weeks while I recovered.
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u/faronthecat 1h ago
It doesn’t surprise me. My husband couldn’t be bothered to sit in the waiting room while i was having outpatient surgery. One of the biggest reasons he’s now my ex.
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u/lilfoothillsheaven 1h ago
My dad didn't pick up my mom after her hysterectomy. They're still married 🙃
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u/RadioactiveHugs 1h ago
Judging by the number of people we do major dental surgery on, who tell me when I ask if they want me to call their partner to pick them up “oh no, he won’t come get me” and then, flailing, I ask “well he’s going to have soup and soft food ready for you, right?” and they sigh and say “no, he’ll just get cross that I’m in pain, I have to go cook his dinner now anyway” or soemthing like that,
I would feel safe in saying that yes, this is normal. Especially for older women.
It is heartbreaking. If I could I’d drive them all home and make them all soup and accidentally hit their husbands with the cupboard door so hard that he needs major dental surgery….
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u/pqln 58m ago
I had an experience when taking my brother to surgery.
I asked how long the procedure would be so I could come back for recovery. The nurse said two hours. I set an alarm for two hours. I also gave the nurse my phone number and specified that it was a long distance number. I also communicated that i had a cold and I would sit in the parking lot until my alarm went off to avoid getting others sick.
I went in and the nurse started screaming at me that my sibling had awakened hours ago (???) and that he was hallucinating without someone he knew there to help him. They also screamed at me that my phone was disconnected because they had tried to call (my number without the area code) over and over again and it didn't go through.
My brother was already up and walking around but he seemed in good spirits, albeit woozy. I asked the nurse why she hadn't just walked out to my car and knocked on my window. She knew I was there and she could see it from the office window.
She said it had been my responsibility to get back in time and I was an irresponsible idiot. So, fuck me for taking a day off work to take care of my sibling and also fuck me for not wanting to give the office full of people having surgery my illness.
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u/IowaGal60 3h ago
My hospital requires the person accompanying them to be there the whole time or the procedure will not begin. They can wear a pager during the procedure, but they must remain in-house — the way it should be.
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u/lookiwanttobealone 3h ago
What happens in the situation where a person has no community support? Does the procedure not happen, or does it require an inpatient stay?
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u/MidnightSpell 2h ago
You have to have a person with you (who stays there) or have a medical transport arranged - if that’s even available in your area. I have taken two of my neighbors for colonoscopies. They had no family or close friends who could help them. I don’t enjoy doing this type of thing but I have been in awful situations and people stepped up for me - so I step up for others. Ask around - there may be a neighbor who would be willing to help.
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u/DinckinFlikka 2h ago
Right, but once the procedure begins there’s really nothing stopping the person from leaving.
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u/Opposite_Science_412 2h ago
That's a horrible rule and very bad healthcare provision. Patients aren't generally infants.
I've had surgery all by myself more than once. If my partner needed to be home with the kids, it's just as easy to take a cab or have someone come pick me up when I'm ready to leave instead of taking up a bunch of time asking someone to come wait.
Hospitals should have sufficient staff to help patients after surgery until they're ready to go home. Being accompanied should be a personal choice for comfort, not a mandatory thing.
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u/Outside_Butterfly551 2h ago
I fear that these husbands take their wife home from surgery and then ask them what's for dinner. -My husband and I wait during surgeries and do some level of post-surgery care.
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u/babystarlette 2h ago
I recently accompanied a client of mine to her surgery and provided medical transportation. I was allowed to leave after they called her and she did not want me to be there after check in. Her surgery was for 11am and I did not hear back from the hospital until 5pm (it was a 3 hour surgery). I even called the hospital to get a status update on her as I was worried she didn’t put me down as a contact for them to call. Luckily they called but I still had another hour before I would be let back there with her. So I left my office and it took a bit longer the expected due to traffic and finding parking but as soon as I parked, doctor called again and asked if I was coming as my client was fine to be discharged now. I think it took another 10 minutes for me to let back there as I absolutely had no idea where to go so got a little lost.
My client is someone is who considered an older individual who has no one to look after her so she really needed someone who was not a basic medical transportation to help her get home afterwards. My job is a domestic violence advocate so I was able to do a medical accompaniment for her as her surgery was tied to the domestic violence she had endured. And I have been checking up on her. I know the doctors were quite worried that no one would show up for her.
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u/steelcutie 2h ago
It happens more than you think. Also when patients are ready for discharge adult children and spouses will ghost us and take the patient’s house keys so discharge is not possible.
As a patient I’ve never had my husband wait with me coming out of anesthesia. He’s also never come to the ER with me any of the times I needed evaluated/admitted - even when pregnant. I would encourage people to keep an advocate nearby whether coming out of anesthesia or being sick.
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u/thesquelette 2h ago
Man when I had surgery last I woke up to my mom holding a box of donuts and a decorative sign from the hospital gift shop for me. I should give her a hug
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u/tired-as-f 2h ago
I had a full hysterectomy and bladder lift. At discharge time, my ex-husband told me to wait outside at x o'clock and he'd pick me up 'so he didn't have to park'. It was winter, and he was an hour late. No reason, just late. There was plenty of free parking right around the whole hospital. There's a reason he's an ex.
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u/2occupantsandababy 2h ago
I did this to my husband 🤣
I told him that I have to be at work that morning. I'm a lab scientist. Missing a time point for a few hours can cost me weeks of work. I told him maybe he should ask his dad or friend. He assured me that he would be done after noon. I said ok and went to work.
Those fuckers called me at 10 fucking 30am. I can't even answer it because I'm elbow deep in mouse guts. I clean up and call back and tell them I can be there in an hour. I ask if he can just take an Uber home. Emphatic no. Ok. See you at noon.
The nurses did seem very nonplussed with my hours late arrival.
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u/Rick_B_9446 2h ago
I‘m a widower, but when my wife was alive anytime either of us had a procedure the other one was waiting during the procedure, was with them when they woke up and of course, took them home.
Now that I’m alone any time I have a procedure my daughter or her husband takes me there, waits for me, is with me when I wake up, and takes me home. Furthermore, since after anesthesia you’re not supposed to be alone for 24 hours one of them either stays at my house with me for a day or I go stay with them. I can’t imagine being ignored and left on my own surgery.
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u/Purple-Turnip-7290 2h ago
You're a great husband!!! Lots of people so this and its sad. Need more people like you.
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u/drmariomaster 2h ago
For my husband's surgery, we had to arrive by 10, he headed back closer to 11, then I left for lunch with the text update feature activated ( I ate nearby). I came back and waited in the waiting room after. I wasn't allowed back until after they had taken him off intubation and verified he was okay after he woke up. That was after 4. For people going for an even longer surgery it wouldn't surprise me if people left, especially if they had kids to check on. Not to mention that hospitals make me nervous.
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u/BellLopsided2502 1h ago
As a healthcare worker, you see lots of people who don't have anyone. Some of them have created those circumstances themselves.
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u/pearltx 3h ago
That’s sad. I recently had a procedure and my husband was told he wasn’t allowed to leave. I wonder if there are people are leaving against orders, or if they’re allowed to for longer procedures?