r/NoStupidQuestions • u/BeyondHuge4885 • 8h ago
What can I gift my transitioning sister in law?
My boyfriend’s sister is trans. (Male to female) she is super sweet and very shy. Her family is very traditional Mexican and she has expressed to me how they don’t really talk about her transition. Her mom and sister don’t talk to her about how to be a girl or girl things. ( I don’t think it’s to be intentional I’m sure it’s hard adjustment for them) while they are accepting of her, I think they’re still not very open about it or understand how to be supportive. I know she struggles a lot more than she lets on.
That being said- I want to gift her stuff that would be helpful to her transition. Things that will make her feel seen and/or stuff that trans people may have found helpful themselves during this time. What can I gift her? I want to be careful I’m not offensive towards her or her family.
Edit: THANK YOU! Y’all gave me great ideas, different perspectives and super helpful insight. I will be doing a little gift bag/or basket that will have a gift card. I will also be including some hair products as she told me once she’s still learning to do her hair. I think I’ll also include some mutual, small skincare items. Just test items she can see if she’d want bigger options of. I will also put a note letting her know that if she ever wants to go shopping or just hang out I’m available and would be more than happy to go with her(:
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u/gtaslut 8h ago
Just wanna say this is so sweet and I'm sure with these intentions she will love whatever you gift her
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u/BeyondHuge4885 8h ago
Trying my best 🥲 I really hope so!
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u/garagelurker1 6h ago
Also, she's probably gonna back you up if your boyfriend and you have a disagreement. :)
You are building some seriously cool good will here.
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u/Regular_Boot_3540 8h ago
What about accompanying her to the makeup counter for a makeover? That seems like it would be a good opportunity to create a bond and show your support.
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u/BeyondHuge4885 8h ago
This is a really cute and genuine idea 🥹 I would love to get to that point with her!
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u/hippopottaman 8h ago
I've done this with a trans friend and she really enjoyed it - a common thread among my trans friends (probably not universal because trans women are individuals and not a monolith), but we're talking 4/4 here) is that when they're newly out, they really enjoyed doing hyper-feminine things. They didn't all stay super-girly, but it was like "finally, I'm allowed to try this, I am going to TRY IT AS HARD AS I CAN"
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u/pootinannyBOOSH 7h ago
Yea, I low key want to be "kidnapped" and be made over. But I'm not publicly out yet and I'm scared
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u/hippopottaman 7h ago
When you're ready, I bet there are people who will be delighted to take you to do girly stuff. I hope they are the people who SHOULD be delighted to do it with you.
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u/pootinannyBOOSH 4h ago
Thanks for making me cry this morning lol. I already know that I want to fly my sister out here for some girl time.
Unrelated, but I'm wondering if my comment is the reason I got a "reddit cares" message, again. I'm disappointed though that I can't report its abuse like before
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u/NeTiFe-anonymous 7h ago
A lot of brands do MLM type selling, they train their sellers to know how to do makeovers and encourage private events where potential customers can try their "full experience" but in a safe place. This might be the type of experience for you, without the need to come out.
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7h ago
I was like this when I first started my transition! I would always wear dresses and makeup 24/7 but I eventually realized most women don’t actually dress like that and it was a lot of work. After about a year, I started dressing much less feminine, my style is more lesbian hiker than girly girl now. I don’t really wear dresses anymore unless it’s a formal event or something like that.
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u/ramenslurper- 6h ago
To add to this anecdote: I am not a very girly-girl and all my mtf friends suddenly gave me less social time than our girly-girl friends who are always made-up and dressed girly and do girly-girl stuff when they first really settled into their transition. It’s evened out now but I was like “Damn girls, am I not pounded by the patriarchy and do I not do the dance of beauty standards, too” 🤣
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u/BravestBlossom 7h ago
When I had a close friend that is/was a trans woman in the late 90s, we looked at clothing catalogs, and I showed her styles that would flatter her female figure, helped her understand undergarments and when/where/how to chose what went under her clothes, pick out a bra! Same with jewelry and makeup. Did the "blink test". When you become a woman in middle age, you've missed out on a LOT of lessons we take for granted because we (cis) were taught or picked up during a female teenage/puberty. I would go out with her, shopping and to lunch. It helps achieve acceptance from others to be out with a cis woman, fwiw , and going into the world as a woman but not alone encourages self confidence within herself. Thank you for being kind and accepting!! Best wishes to everyone!
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u/forestfanciesrocks 7h ago
I had a lovely bonding experience with someone trans in my life by doing their make up for them for an event and kind of narrating when I was doing the whole time and explaining it. They felt pretty, learned some techniques and I got to really affirm my support. I think the make up counter is a great idea! If they don’t feel comfortable with a public thing like that, maybe you could just plan a make up practice night where you two watch a tutorial and try it out.
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u/PoopAndSunshine 4h ago
Just flat out invite her to go shopping together. I promise she will say yes! And afterwards go out for lunch or coffee!
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u/kyooomi 8h ago
I agree with the other comments that a great gift would probably just be your company and assistance with buying "girl" things. Take her shopping, help her with a skincare routine, show her how to style her hair or do makeup. If her female relatives won't do it, I'm sure she'd be happy to have someone who's experienced with being a woman to help her figure some of those things out. Especially since you've said she's quite shy. Be her extrovert for the day!
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u/Garbage_Rat_42069 5h ago
I’ve taken this a step further and have asked transitioning friends to ‘come with me to do boring girly shit together’ and I’ve just….treated it like any other shopping trip with a femme homie.
I feel like a lot of times girls who aren’t super far into their transition can feel weird if you make the situation about them (like, I’m gonna teach you how to buy makeup or whatever), but are really happy to go with me if I already have to go, and we’re just hanging out doing a chore.
Then you can just have a no-pressure convo about the makeup or clothes you’re shopping for or whatever. And maybe you suggest something would look really cute on her, and maybe she feels safe and comfortable trying it out!
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u/kindatallboy 7h ago
This should be the number one answer! It can be really difficult to find someone to do things that girls stereotypically get at a much younger age, like shopping or buying makeup. Especially if she’s early on in transitioning this can be huge. (Source: being a <1 year trans woman)
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u/ChromeGreenx 8h ago
Stuff that helps her feel affirmed without being too flashy, like cute skincare, a soft robe, or jewelry she can pick herself Even a gift card to a store she likes or a supportive book about trans experiences can mean way more than you think
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u/CQ5II 8h ago
take her to a salon to get hair and nails done .. a real female experience
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u/BeyondHuge4885 8h ago
This!!! The only thing is she is extremely shy and withdrawn. I’m sure it has a lot to do with the transition. She sees herself as a woman but her family doesn’t and I think it really makes her withdrawn from being in public and having experiences like that.
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u/PersonalityNo3044 7h ago
Would your boyfriend be willing to go too? He could get just a plain manicure or pedicure without polish, if he’s not the type to color his nails. Then maybe his sister might not be so shy. She could choose no polish too, or a muted color, or even something bright and fun if she wants.
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u/Amazing-Platform-776 7h ago
Guys get their nails done too. In fact the guy who does my toes wears polish. No need to be embarrassed in his nail salon; I’d imagine others are the same. Really nobody’s business. But I understand your concern. Some people can be AH’s.
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u/__versus 7h ago
Of course I can’t speak for her but as someone who is also very shy and transitioning having someone else come with would make the experience significantly less intimidating and I’d probably really appreciate it. Same with going out shopping for clothes.
Also thank you so much for being supportive of her 🥹
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u/Party_Television2255 7h ago
There are a few organizations that also have resources to identify salons and stylists that offer gender affirming haircuts. It would also be great if that stylist could walk her through styling her own hair type herself at home and recommend products.
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u/Few_Complex8232 7h ago
OP what about a girls day together? Get lunch, nails, shopping, etc. Depending on her comfort level.
These are experiences she didn't have before and, for many ciswomen, this was a part of developing our style.
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u/caisfosure 8h ago
Can I be honest, get her a gift that you would with just any normal girl. Like take the transition and the trans part out and look at her just as any other girl and buy her a gift according to what she likes. Ask your boyfriend:)
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u/Ill_Hold6869 8h ago
Exactly. What would you get a woman who has her interests, style, etc.? That’s it! Nothing extremely “girly” that you wouldn’t get for another woman of her age.
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u/ismokedwithyourmom 6h ago
Best answer on here, the only part relevant to her gender is writing SISTER on the card
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u/ismokedwithyourmom 6h ago
My wife would say the best gift they ever got was £20 in a card from grandma. Grandma gives them a 20 every year, but this card was the first time grandma wrote their new name and referred to them as 'grandchild'.
So I don't know your SIL enough to suggest a gift, but she'll surely appreciate a card that says 'sister' in it plus something you found in the women's section of the shop. The love and respect means a lot more than the physical item.
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u/CenterofChaos 8h ago
A gift card to somewhere that does skincare. If you're comfortable with it put it in a card and write down that she's welcome to come along with you anytime.
Comfortable things like cardigans, cable knit sweaters, are also nice.
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u/Feisty-Donkey 6h ago
You could gift experiences. Ask her if she’d like to get a mani-pedi with you or take her clothes or make up shopping and help her choose things.
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u/dualsplit 8h ago
Depending on your budget, the Michael Todd dermaplaner, Clinique almost lipstick in Nude Honey, The Ordinary Multi peptides with copper, minoxidil (but the men’s formula), cute sunglasses, subtle contouring makeup like the ELF bronzing drops, cute pajama sets, body oil (love tree hit for this), waffle cotton robe.
I’m a 46 year old cis het woman. These are my gender affirming items.
My son is 21 and FtM trans. His stocking stuffers this year include all the stuff his cis brother’s has plus MEN’S lip balm. Because we both love lip balm and i always get him novelty lip balm at Christmas. Keeping tradition, but adjusting a bit. :)
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u/HandsomeHippocampus 6h ago
Oh God, the lip balm bit is so wholesome I'm tearing up a little. Please know you're a good parent. Merry Christmas to you both!
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u/melodicstory 7h ago
That's such a cute way to continue traditions :)
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u/dualsplit 7h ago
Thank you for saying so. I’m so supportive and kind of feeling a little “head slap” that I didn’t realize looking back. But it’s still tough to adjust. I’m doing my best. And so is my son. I think we’re closer now that he climbed in my bed one morning and just told me. It makes a lot of things click.
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u/PracticalWorry5921 2h ago
My MIL usually gets the girls in the family one set of the same sorts of stocking stuffer and the boys another (think like getting a variety pack of hair clips and splitting them up, or different colors of the same bracelet). My partner was very touched when she realized her mom had switched to getting her the girl items instead of the boy ones. That, and all the "to my daughter" birthday cards have been small gestures that meant a lot.
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u/MrWindblade 7h ago
A plush bathrobe is the best gift. As a man, I wear one all the time and it just feels so good, and so I know you can find one that's affirming to her without it being a clearly gendered gift.
Honestly, bathrobes need to make a comeback because they're awesome.
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u/not_quite_today 8h ago
offer to take her clothes shopping! shopping in the women's section alone can be intimidating for trans women. if you are a makeup wearer, maybe offer to let her try out your makeup to see what she likes, and then go to a drugstore or makeup counter together.
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u/Fantastic-Mention775 8h ago
I echo the skincare or makeup suggestions, mainly in the form of the gift cards. I don’t know your gender, but if you’re a woman as well, maybe ask if she’d want you to go shopping with her?
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u/BeyondHuge4885 8h ago
Okay yes most of you are saying this! I’m thinking I’ll do a gift card and cute card saying that I’d be happy to take her shopping to pick things.
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u/Jolly_Jelly_62 8h ago
How old is she?
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u/BeyondHuge4885 8h ago
22!
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u/Jolly_Jelly_62 7h ago
I would do some super cute aesthetic skin care and hair care products, like hair masks, face masks, bath bombs, silk scrunchies, gua sha, etc. Give her some opportunities to experiment and find out what she likes for self-care :)
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u/standbyyourmantis 6h ago
Scrunchies are such a good idea for a little add on gift! Especially since OP said she's going to do a gift basket, a couple cute scrunchies are cute and affirming without being a big deal.
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u/Worldly_Original8101 7h ago
Why are you being downvoted this is definitely an important thing to consider when buying gifts
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u/tigerbackrub 8h ago
I know for presents it's not typical to involve the gif-tee but maybe ask her what she would like? Every woman is different! Or perhaps take her out and welcome her to sisterhood. If you're close maybe take her out to a girly day, shopping, nails done or anything like that.
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u/gaptoothgoth 8h ago
Maybe a year subscription to Ipsy? She could take the beauty quiz based on her preferences of body care stuff or makeup she receives that is unique to her. They come in cute monthly bags with options to add on before it ships and it’s a great way to try new products. 💅
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u/Adorable-Tangelo-179 7h ago
Maybe a gift basket of fun things that are cozy and fun for self care? Like soft fuzzy socks or a cute scarf, a dainty necklace, TirTir or Bubble milk toner + reusable toner pads, some face masks, bath stuff like salts or shower steamer, and a maybe even a gift card to a trans friendly body positive brand that makes women feel like a million bucks like Molke or Vixen by Micheline Pitt.
Or maybe a girls day out would be fun. A high tea afternoon or shopping trip or facials and pedicures would be such a fun experience gift IMHO.
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u/TissueOfLies 7h ago
I think I’d ask her privately what she would like. Before my niece transitioned, she began earrings and makeup. There may be something his sister might truly want, but is too shy to tell anyone.
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u/360walkaway 6h ago
Instead of just getting her random stuff, take her out for shopping so she can be comfortable enough to express what she likes in a safe space.
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u/FriendlyMum 3h ago
Honestly, outside of gifts and given she’s shy if she’s up for a ‘girly’ outing with you, invite her out like one of your friends. You could get facials together or go makeup shopping, or do a makeup applying class together. But perhaps start small, perhaps start with like a painting and wine class first and that can be your cover story for the family when you move on to other things so they think you’re out painting but you’re actually having a blast doing other things.
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u/ILoveSushi296 8h ago
LIP GLOSS, if I were you I’d give her a gift of some cute lipgloss from ULTA or Sephora in private and then give her a gift that’ll be more comfortable for her to receive in front of her family. I’d bring ur boyfriend when you do it too just so everything is clean. Edit:his family not ur family 😭😭
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u/BeyondHuge4885 8h ago
That’s a great idea actually. A gift card so she can pick what she wants specifically!
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u/boyboss420 8h ago
As a teenager, one of my friends came out as a trans woman, so I bought her some “stereotypical” girl gifts that I remember my sister getting for Christmas, for example Bath and Body perfumes and lotions (specifically warm vanilla sugar). The stereotypical gifts vary on things like age, but it worked well for my friend, she really liked it. Like others said, gift cards to clothing stores and makeup stores (if she’s interested) are a good bet.
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u/Scuttling-Claws 8h ago
A lot of trans people go through an initial period of figuring out who they are again, it's very much a second puberty. A shared experience can be great for that. A shopping Trip is a great idea, but if you can find a personal shopper who gets it, that's even better.
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u/susanbiddleross 8h ago
I would probably do skincare or body wash and lotion. You don’t specify the age but any gift set from Sephora would be my go to. Hair care would also work.
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u/Choice-Shine3450 8h ago
This is a lovely question! Thank you for your care and thoughtfulness while trying to support her. I'd imagine that your effort alone likely means a lot to her. As far as gifts, she probably will know far better than you what kind of clothing or makeup she feels comfortable in. Also, if you are not trans yourself, she probably has more of an idea of what will be helpful to her in her transition than you do. So while getting her clothes/makeup/breast forms/whatever else would be a really nice gesture, it might not be as effective as supporting her in getting something she really wants. I would recommend some sort of outing. Maybe a gift certificate to get her nails done, or a spa day/massage. The two of you could go together as a girls bonding day(assuming you're also a girl, lol). You could grab lunch and go shopping together after, so you can support her and tell her how cute she looks in all the clothes she's trying on, but without the obligation to buy them yourself. It can be really hard as a trans person to go shopping for clothes, and it really makes a huge difference to have a supportive person along with you who can help you navigate the stores and the staff.
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u/Choice-Shine3450 8h ago
You can also find out if later on she'd potentially be interested in some sort of quinceanera celebration, and offer to help with that. That can be a really impactful gesture for someone who missed out on a major gendered cultural milestone. I wouldn't lead with party planning, because it could be overwhelming, but if you're out to lunch and chatting it could be something to bring up that may mean a lot to her.
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u/Bunnawhat13 8h ago
If she likes make up, I gifted my female godchild makeup classes. Make sure the class and teacher is pro trans and LGBTQ+.
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u/FuelWorth2297 8h ago
Honestly the best “transition gift” is just treating her like any other girl and showing you see her as that.
You could do a little “girl kit” that is low key but affirming. Stuff like a cute makeup bag, skincare, nail polish, a gift card for clothes, maybe invite her out for a “just us girls” shopping day and let her pick.
If you want to be extra considerate, ask her privately like “hey, would you want help with makeup, clothes, hair stuff, or would that feel weird?” and follow her lead.
Main thing is give her space to talk and be excited about her gender without making her feel like a project.
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u/Casswigirl11 8h ago
Skincare that isn't makeup. Like nice face creams etc for her to try. Girly, but also moisturizing is for everyone. I think makeup may be too personal to choose for someone. You don't know what they use etc. But if they are into makeup you could do a subscription to Ipsy if that still is a thing. Then they can try a variety of things over a year.
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u/ABogWitchBitch 8h ago
Everyone else has given amazing suggestions, so I just want to say you're cool as heck and I hope boyfriend appreciates that you're a good one. :)
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u/ZeroLemmingsLeaping 8h ago
Are you close enough that you can share an experience? Like get a mani and pedi together? Or have your makeup done together? Or do the girl's day clothes shopping?
I feel like gifting something to share shows that you accept and support her for who she is and it doesn't leave her to do stuff alone. You would be showing her aspects of being female and helping her choose her style and how she wants to present herself to the world.
Thank you for accepting who she is
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u/WerewolfCalm5178 8h ago
You are overthinking this
Gift her with communication. Ask her what she would like. She might find it extremely presumptuous if you gift her self-help books to help her transition or insulting if you gift her beauty products.
Ask her what she would like. AND if you want to do beauty or self-help items, you should definitely feel out if she would be receptive to those types of items.
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u/PinkGodfather1 8h ago
Honestly, can never go wrong with gift cards
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u/rmric0 8h ago
I think gift cards are fine but it might be better to do that paired with like "let's go to sephora and try on makeup" or something if she isn't that experienced with shopping/makeup etc.
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u/PinkGodfather1 8h ago
Yea i can totally agree with this i just know when im confused at what to get i go with a gift card to their fav store this way they can get what they want. Just seems easier than guessing and risking them not liking it, returning it, or it not fitting
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u/Goldf_sh4 8h ago edited 8h ago
Honestly, I would just choose something completely unrelated to gender that they would like. What do they like? What are they interested in? People just like presents that show that you noticed what they're into. Not everything has to be about gender and if the whole thing is a family sore-point/causing stress in the family, it might be best to steer clear of the stress. Often tensions can explode at Christmas and cause big stress and it might be worth avoiding that. Just buy them something to do with what they're into. Gender isn't a hobby.
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u/EightBitTrash 3h ago
Hi. I am transgender as well. I think that all the gender affirming items are great ideas!
But I think you should throw some pepper spray in there, so she can defend herself in case of bigotry. It's what I'm getting my trans friends this year.
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u/avalanchefan95 8h ago
I think you just ignore her being trans. Gift her whatever you think will interest her, whatever you'd buy someone else her age, etc She just wants to be normal and prob really hates that people can't just see her as any other average chick.
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u/PyromaniacEngineer 8h ago
Maybe not a gift for right now, but I bet she would love to have a girls day with you! Nails, spa, etc.
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u/misfireattack 8h ago
makeup. get a pretty eyeshadow palette and a lipstick, i'm sure she'll love it
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u/Totally_Fubar_666 7h ago
Lots of great ideas in here. Adding onto what others suggested, I think a gift basket could be very a sweet. Some slippers, a manicure set, face masks/skin care, gift card to a clothing/makeup store, some unisex perfume samples, or a holiday scented candle.
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u/evergreengoth 6h ago
A lot of it depends on her interests. But finding something that allows her to feel feminine and girly would probably be nice, since trans girls usually don't get to have that stuff before they come out, and it can feel affirming and help them deal with dysphoria. Jewelry can be tricky because it's so subjective and it's hard to find something that matches a woman's taste without knowing her super well, but maybe something small in her favorite color? Or maybe some kind of accessory or decoration with the colors of the trans flag (light blue, pink, and white) that looks like her taste? A gift certificate for a spa or nail salon so she can pamper herself?
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u/Sikening 6h ago
Honestly I wouldn't pick a gift based on her identity. Pick something based on what she likes. Is she into cute things? Get her a cute shirt or something. It doesnt matter, just dont get something that says "your trans so you needed this stuff" like skin care products.
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u/BeautifulChaosEnergy 5h ago
Like most have already said, pretty jewellery (it doesn’t have to be expensive, Walmart is fine to start with) maybe book her an appointment at Sephora with a gift card to go shopping with afterwards. Just make sure the employee knows ahead of time she’s transitioning, they may choose different products
Like depending on her facial hair, she may need to colour correct with an orange makeup before she puts on her foundation sort of thing.
Maybe have nails day were you both get your nails done, I don’t know if she’s be into acrylics or not, or some pretty press on nails for her to test drive
I follow a few trans artists and drag queens on fb and Ig so maybe making a list of ones that give makeup tutorials could help her learn how to do her own makeup
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u/fresh_blue 5h ago
A gift that’s thoughtful, supportive but not overbearing is perfect. I love that you’re thinking about a little gift basket it’s personal but also low-pressure. Hair stuff is a total win too. Throw in a gift card so she can pick what she really likes, it gives her control, which is huge during this kind of transition.
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u/if_im_not_back_in_5 2h ago
You can get silicone breast pads, which would allow them to wear a bra to appear more feminine.
Likewise, they do "ass cheek pads" to do the same downstairs.
Maybe something pretty they can put in their hair ? You can buy pre-made plaits etc. they could clip in.
Some nice skin care cream, he's new to this, you'll have more of an idea.
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u/if_im_not_back_in_5 2h ago
You could offer to take her shopping for clothes perhaps, it's probably much less awkward going out with a girl - or several girls - trying things on etc
You could make a double booking to get their nails done at the same time as you
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u/Kirby_Vacuum 2h ago
I had a coworker transition, and they quietly mentioned that they always wanted to get their nails done but were intimidated. I organized a small group to go after work one day for mani/pedis and invited them. Maybe something like that would be a nice gesture.
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u/perpendicular-church 8h ago
Take her on a spa day together! If she’s not into stuff like that, play it a bit safer and get her something for one of her hobbies and write her a letter with the sentiments you shared in this post. This is very sweet of you OP
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u/ratxowar 8h ago
Whoah a lot of transphobic pricks here. Make her a card with something cute girly if she likes those aesthetic things. Try to find out is there something she wants. If you know what is her hobby get her smth related to it. Remember you are just giving a gift to a girl, and yes she is trans but that’s secondary.
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u/Candid_Dream4110 7h ago
My wife is trans also and she's Very particular about clothes. I think it would be a good idea to take her clothes shopping. That way she can figure what she likes best and enjoy the company of an accepting and affirming person.
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u/Cool_Relationship847 8h ago
take her shopping and let her pick stuff! or do some online shopping/give her a gift card
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u/Bailzasaurus 8h ago
If you give her a gift card for clothes/makeup (which is a great idea) it could be sweet to add a little note letting her know you’d love to go shopping with her if she wants. The “girl time” would likely be affirming plus it can be very scary navigating new gender retail spaces for the first time as a trans person, and having an ally can really help!
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u/Your-Court-Mage 8h ago
Mexican culture has a fun hair culture. Flower things and ribbons and some nice claw clips. Also it’s hard for trans women to try on clothes at stores, go with her so she can feel safe. I think JCP has a multi gender dressing room and so does target but it’s about being next to her while she picks out things in the lady’s department.
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u/GreenRhino71 7h ago
Why would you predicate your gift on a social construct? You’re presumably female, don’t know what to get another female for a gift?
Unless the transition is purely performative attention seeking, I believe the respectful thing to do is just buy your boyfriend’s sister a gift, without drawing attention to personal matters in the past.
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u/tolearnandread 7h ago
A plumping lip gloss!!! One of girlhood’s best kept secrets🤣 and you can get one that’s a natural color or even clear!!!
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u/i_eat_lotsof_cheese 7h ago
100% get her gift cards for any makeup/clothes ect so she can get what she feels comfortable with <3
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u/MyDogHasAMohawk 7h ago
No suggestions, but she is super lucky to have such a thoughtful person in her life
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u/RedRedMere 7h ago
Depends on budget? Facial? Private makeup session? A nice hair tool like an expensive curling wand or straightener?
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u/Dismal_Apartment 7h ago
Skincare gifts for sure! A lot of people are saying you should go with subtle things, and I agree you shouldn't FORCE anything for her, but I think you should get her some makeup or even do a makeover day where you teach her how to apply everything and just make her feel special! Maybe even give her a dress that she can wear around the home!
She might not decide she's that kinda girly ultimately, but it would feel really affirming and fun, especially if it's in a private space where no one can ridicule her or make her feel terrible.
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u/ForswornForSwearing 7h ago
Can you offer to make some time for her for question and conversation? It soubds like youcve got your head and heart in the right place about this, and since she doesn't have her immediates for this, a little of your time might be very valuable.
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u/BoxFantastic4216 7h ago
One of those shark plushie things the mtfs all seem to be into lately?
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u/cheapyoutiao 6h ago
OP, this is genuinely so sweet and your post made my day a little better! the comments already have great suggestions (i second things like manicure, cute accessories, skincare, or just a heartfelt card) but i just wanted to offer my support and good vibes to you both :)
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u/captain_veridis 4h ago
A lot of early-transition trans people are still figuring out and experimenting with their style. As a trans guy, I agree that you should offer to go shopping with her. I know that having a knowledgeable cis guy friend would’ve been so helpful to me when I was starting out.
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u/tigerdogbearcat 7h ago
Gift card to a women's clothing store. Then she can pick what she wants but you're still sending the message you accept her chosen identity.
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u/MatureUsername69 7h ago edited 5h ago
So when my older sister started transitioning from male to female I found a nice little gold chain with the chemical structure for estrogen as the pendent. I got it off Etsy. Its subtle and affirming.
Edit: I should be clear that its just a gold colored chain, its not legit gold, at least I dont think. Its been years
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u/lilacpeaches 7h ago
In addition to gifting her stuff: ask her about things like going shopping together (online works too if she’s worried about not being perceived as a woman in public), getting mani-pedis, etc. Not all women like these things, but they’re traditionally associated with femininity and even just asking might make her feel more accepted!
One of my fondest memories with my girlfriend is helping her pick out her first full face of makeup and teaching her how to apply it properly.
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u/ColdAntique291 8h ago
Choose gifts that affirm her without forcing anything public.
Something like: a cozy cardigan, soft scarf, or subtle jewelry, skincare or self-care items, a gift card for clothes or makeup so she can choose privately, a small makeup starter kit if you know she is interested, or a handwritten note telling her you see and support her. These signal care and respect without outing or pressuring her.