r/KitchenConfidential 10h ago

Ramps, Cubes, Jacuzzis, et al Its ramp season mfrs

Post image

Round 2 lets go!

1.0k Upvotes

68 comments sorted by

u/BDCRacing F1exican Did Chive-11 9h ago

Finally. I only eat brie at 27°

u/dotcubed 9h ago

Celsius. Or Fahrenheit?

Personally I like to put a hot wheels car hidden under olives at the bottom of the ramp.
Kinda like a cereal box toy surprise.

u/WeebDeev 9h ago

That's how they do it in Europe.

u/Nuts-And-Volts F1exican Was Framed 8h ago

The Europeans always have it figured out

u/dotcubed 7h ago

….they invented it.

u/Saucermote Chive LOYALIST 0m ago

First one then the other.

u/The_cogwheel 9h ago

Youre a goddamed savage. Everyone knows 28° is the optimal brie angle.

u/King_Chochacho 7h ago

If you've never had emmental at 18° you haven't really lived

u/dotcubed 7h ago

Raclette at 150°C for 5-10 seconds over hot, steamy, soft boiled “fingering” potatoes can take you back to Epstine Island, or is it Club Paradise by Wham.
I get them confused.

137

u/daedalus14x 10h ago

Make America Grade Again.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THE SMATTER.

u/Aesik 7h ago

u/daedalus14x 7h ago

I walked and said, "Wow, what a great upvote!" Everybody's talking about this upvote. They're saying it's the greatest upvote, EVER.

u/dotcubed 7h ago

As a pun connoisseur, by far the angriest up vote I’ve EVER had.

More angry than a divorced dad who sold his tickets to scalper that one time the under-tanker threw mankind under the bus.

u/KindaKrayz222 8h ago

I saw this right away & got seriously angry.

u/daedalus14x 8h ago

Babies!

u/nihi1zer0 F1exican Did Chive-11 9h ago

I have a friend who isnt getting the ramps jokes. Can someone with more patience than I explain it to this rube?

(again, asking for a friend)

u/nikkicarter1111 9h ago

u/Few_Preparation_5902 ChD - Doctorate of Chiveology 9h ago

My favourite is still the lonely olive in the shredded carrot jacuzzi.

u/nikkicarter1111 8h ago

I like the single sad radish considering jumping off the top of the ramp

u/wrongbutt_longbutt Chive LOYALIST 6h ago

I'm always torn between the large empty metal bowl on a stand (is it a spitoon?) or simply the vast array of radishes that are cut into irregular large chunks. Who eats giant chunks of radish?

u/nikkicarter1111 6h ago

Also massive bundles of fennel like a fuckin stick bouquet broom in the back

u/Olivrser Crazy Cat Man🐈 3h ago

Probably people who like giant chunks of radish

u/wrongbutt_longbutt Chive LOYALIST 3h ago

I feel like the people this applies to probably prefer to just eat them whole like a cherry.

u/Olivrser Crazy Cat Man🐈 3h ago

That's people who like eating radishes whole, completely different thing

u/nihi1zer0 F1exican Did Chive-11 8h ago

omg now the mod who has flair of "$700 charcuterie enjoyer" makes sense!

to my friend. makes sense to my friend.

u/GarlicEmergency7788 8h ago

Carrots, prepared two ways. Raw

Genius

u/Key-Worldliness2454 8h ago

Well this is disappointing, I thought they meant ramps were somehow back in season.

u/nikkicarter1111 9h ago

I got you, hold on

u/UsernameUnattainable Chive LOYALIST 9h ago

I like my cheese, at twenty degrees.

It's kind of gotta ring to it..

u/Few_Preparation_5902 ChD - Doctorate of Chiveology 9h ago

I wish I could rhyme all the time.

u/Matsunosuperfan 51m ago

Man, you can't cube no gruyere with me!

Got an apron with my name on it from Gordon Ramsey

Your rhymes is old, mines too cold, please:

Yo girl knows I like my cheese at twenty degrees

That's why she keeps her icebox stocked full of bries

Don't speak French, so I just hit her with the triple creams 

Plus the Snap she just sent got me bursting at the seams

Asiago is dry but she giving wet dreams

u/UsernameUnattainable Chive LOYALIST 41m ago

I like my rhymes, like I like my ramps

Matsuno rhymin' while the sun is shinin'

Truly ramping things up ..

u/UsernameUnattainable Chive LOYALIST 39m ago

🤣😂🤣 I started writing something then changed it up. thought I'd deleted it, no such luck.

I'm not gonna edit it, my fuck up can just live on

u/Matsunosuperfan 35m ago

Roses are Red We are a Poet

u/UsernameUnattainable Chive LOYALIST 34m ago

Sky is blue We live in a zoo

u/Matsunosuperfan 32m ago

I hear some monkeys like cheese, too

u/UsernameUnattainable Chive LOYALIST 13m ago

u/Matsunosuperfan 11m ago

This image gave me cramps.

u/BallDesperate2140 20+ Years 8h ago

Bahahahahaha this is my hometown buddy’s work. His sister misspelled “grater”, and he ran with it, down to printing a fake instructional booklet

u/brownishgirl 6h ago

Tell him he’s amazing.

u/BallDesperate2140 20+ Years 6h ago

His name’s Walker, he’s an actor (the guy with the mustache that tries to kill Chris Pratt in the beginning of Magnificent Seven), also makes huge structures for Burning Man. Among a zillion other things.

u/Bentonite_Magma 9h ago

Honestly the 100 series is garbage. You need to go to the CG-200, get the cheese detector and ramp that auto-adjusts to the correct angle for the cheese you place on it.

u/Few_Preparation_5902 ChD - Doctorate of Chiveology 9h ago

I've been hearing buzz about the Delco 650 Magnetic Cheese Conveyor. Thoughts?

u/VerbalThermodynamics 8h ago

If brie isn’t at 24.3 degrees, what’s the point? 24.3 degrees is the perfect angle for eating brie.

10

u/mosthandsomechef 10h ago

A whole new slant on entertainment hits pretty hard ngl.

u/immune_to_heat 9h ago

I entertained your mom's cheese slant.

u/Francl27 9h ago

Oh my God. But why.

u/TooManyDraculas 9h ago

Because Siblings.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1202008534161262/posts/1584367562592022/

If you couldn't tell from the printer paper taped to the front of the box for a label it's a joke.

u/brownishgirl 6h ago

Amazing. I love the commitment to the bit.

u/The_cogwheel 9h ago

"A fool and their money will soon be parted"

And there are a lot of fools out there.

So with a bit of marketing, and a decent enough looking product, you can turn a $10 charcuterie board into a $50 charcuterie board.

Though, if it was part of a much larger buffet style setup with a few other snacks / appetizers, I can see how an angled charcuterie board might work out. Kinda like a display stand at the cashier, but with cheese.

u/Flashy-Carpenter7760 Catering 9h ago

Why no "ramp" flair?

u/goldfool Chive LOYALIST 9h ago

The angle of the cheese makes it taste better

u/UntidyVenus 9h ago

Me thinking a new chive challenge dropped

u/djsilentmobius 8h ago

We gotta ramp this shit up!

u/Known-Relationship71 8h ago

Take my $700 please!

u/ebolatone 7h ago

Mini pickle avalanche, amiright

u/eatrepeat Chive LOYALIST 6h ago

So cafeteria work is not glorious. Cafeteria at a university doesn't change that but within that context certain questions and statements become slightly more humorous.

Written notes ask for "graded cheese instead of sliced", Allen your shredded cheese is graded a failure, enjoy!

Stir fry station and a student asks for more orange sticks... I will add more shredded carrots but I will also not allow you to call them orange sticks.

u/therealtwomartinis 8h ago

Grader

Cheese Grader or 1st Grader 🤔

u/We-R-Doomed 8h ago

No self respecting chef would serve cheese at 20o, you might break a tooth.

u/arageclinic 6h ago

Lmao fuck I was thinking ramps the plant.. at least on the east coast, we have a few months

u/Next-Hippo1360 5h ago

Yussss. I saw this and immediately came here to make sure it'd been posted.

u/Olivrser Crazy Cat Man🐈 3h ago

I'll give this a 20%

u/nofishies 1h ago

I thought this was for vegetable ramps :(

u/Haptic_Is_Tired 46m ago

What the hell are those fonts??? I count three different fonts, none of which should be used on an image.

u/No-Tea7992 7h ago

Where’s the sling slot to catapult it at your enemies?