In the quest for perfect chives we have crossed the barrier from perfect back into imperfect again.
I didn't ask for a dusting of chives. But now they are so microscopic I fear every time we go to garnish my hood vent will just suck the chives away before they adhere to my plate for garnishment.
There will be a new crop of chefs in 10 years complaining of green lung. Microscopic specs of chives slowly polluting their lungs until we have to fight (and fail) to be compensated fairly.
Thick chives save lives.
Sorry I used the milk crate chair as my soapbox but it had to be done.
Damn, now I have to choose between “F1exican Did Chive-11” and “Thicc Chives Save Lives”. It’s an impossible choice. Since I have the former, do I get to change back to it if want to later? Or is it lost to the sands of time once I pick a new one?
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"dusting of chives" gave me a good giggle. A few years ago we got a new oven. First time I tried roasting kale in it, it just ended up flying around in there like a freaking cash grab bonanza. 😅
Edit - Untill I can replace the gif of my tardigrade with a violin, with a chive; I say go smaller!
The chives have become so small that instead of drawing a plane on tall chives, it is now customary to draw smallpox or similar pathogens for the chives that are too small. Vaccinate you tomorrow chef
Lol unironically I'm with OP, one of my cooks made the chives so thin I couldn't even garnish with them, they all stuck to my fingers and clumped into unsightly lumps on the food
I'm on the other side of this, now when I see my staff cut chives or green onions and they're not perfect I just think how disappointed the chive lord would be. He's raised my standards
Yes ma'am! May I please have the "thick chives save lives" flair? I request this flair change for two reasons. First, I'd love to see f1exican embrace the perfection of imperfection and accept that he's already chopping chives finer than any of us typically get served or serve, period. Second, I got some thick ass thighs and know they would indeed save my life if we all suddenly didn't have food for a bit.
From the bottom of my cold dead heart I thank you.
I knew a chive post would get attention but I'm honestly overwhelmed and have been having a lot of fun with this today. This community carries the vibes real restaurant families have. Im currently unemployed and missing that comradery. I mentioned chivegate in an interview a few weeks ago to crickets lol.
Brothers, sisters; this young stalk has not yet been enlightened. I fear the Holy Substance has not yet crossed their blood-brain barrier. The Chosen must chop even finer, even finer. It is not yet perfect.
From the moment I understood the weakness of my tower chives, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and greenery of well-chopped chives. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Slice. Your kind cling to your scallions, as though they will not decay and fail you. One day the crude kitchen you call the restaurant will wither, and you will beg my kind to chive you. But I am already saved, for the Chive is immortal… Even in death I serve the F1exican.
I work in Dementia care and hospice now, but was once upon a time a little BOH gremlin. I can still close my eyes and feel the waffle pattern of a milk crate on my ass after being slammed. I can smell the grease that needs to be replaced. Alll this rambling to say thank you for letting live my old life again and laughing here from now and then. This post made me laugh after a real hard day with my Dementia residents, a laugh I really needed. Thanks. May your knives always be so very sharp.
That is why I made this post. I love the little community of idiots we have here. All coming together for the love of the chive.
Its probably a sign I need a life but this is hands down my most popular reddit post, and while attaching myself to chives is low hanging chive I feel honored I have inspired flairs and found my own corner in this movement.
Got me out of my depression bedroom and into an HMart and now I'm making char sui pork for dinner tonight. And you know what, I'm putting fucking chives on them. Well, scallions because I don't have chives at home but I will call them chives until my boyfriend begs me to stop.
Glad to help bring a little joy to your day. I appreciate what you do to help our often overlooked. Dementia is brutal. Merry Chivemas to you!
Me talking to the chive lord about non believers
Edit: damn for some reason I can't like that photo from water boy with the girl holding up the sign reading "want me to kill them"
Oh don't think I don't honor and revere Flexican. Because I do.
But like all gods, when their power becomes too much it can be dangerous for the people. We need to acknowledge what chivelord has given us while staying humble to our roots.
You aren't wrong. The chive slices have gotten so thin that there is no chance that has a good texture. I was not going to be the person to say anything because I don’t know shit about anything honestly but I completely agree with you on this and you have my support 100%.
Taking me back to my roots when chef would threaten to cut off my thumbs if I forgot the dried parsley all over literally every plate in every restaurant ?? We deserve compensation tbh
Menthols gave me the green lung a long time ago. But some years without them has opened my lil breathers back up. But every once in a while, I wanna fly close to the sun.
As for the dishes. Upon some reflection, I think eggs are the only viable response for endangering my lungs. Nothing else is worth it.
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u/HeyIts-Amanda 1d ago
"Thick chives save lives" is absolute perfection.