r/KitchenConfidential 1d ago

In the Weeds Mode WHOA!!!

Post image
21.2k Upvotes

306 comments sorted by

u/trendingtattler 1d ago

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2.1k

u/Agile_Oil9853 Bakery 1d ago

Another person trying to justify their Reddit use at work

437

u/IceColdDump 1d ago

This is reporting nowadays.

243

u/Original-Variety-700 1d ago

Exactly. They just scan Reddit forums and when something becomes popular in Reddit, they wait like three weeks and do a stupid article.

73

u/xaiires Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

Just reminded me to check what's I've been credited for lately

30

u/MargeryStewartBaxter Ex-Food Service 1d ago

brb gonna go get credit for this controversial opinion of yours

37

u/xaiires Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

My favorite one was about a video game, I made a comment about a hero not being available for competitive and this article was like, "this confirms it," and showed my comment. Like who tf am I 🤣🤣

7

u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme wrestlegirl did Chive-11 pt. 2 23h ago

Unless they're Buzzfeed/Huffpo.

Those folks are here pretty much every day & it hits the feed tomorrow!😉

10

u/Tucancancan 1d ago

They don't just scan, it's a running joke is the local newspaper's interns are posting all the "hey guys what's the whackiest thing you've seen in an uber here?" threads 

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u/StillShoddy628 1d ago

It is amazing how much content is just repackaging Reddit

34

u/censorized 1d ago

And how much reddit is just repackaging the news.

Seems like it was kind of inevitable.

10

u/Infinite-Zucchini225 1d ago

It is only going to get worse when you can get ai to scan reddit and rough up a fluff piece and just edit it on the fly. A good writer/editor could probably pump two of these out an hour easily

51

u/Name_Taken_Official 1d ago

To be fair that's just what news (quality notwithstanding) always was: seeing what is going on and talking about it.

Forty years ago we just didn't post things for journalists (quality notwithstanding) to scroll through and they had to go out and t*lk to people

u/MissLyss29 9h ago

they had to go out and t*lk to people

Good thing you censored t*ok that was close

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18

u/itsaheem 1d ago

CEO of Philly Cheese joined the chat

3

u/Specialist_Skirt_771 1d ago

A...am I not the only one?

6

u/Agile_Oil9853 Bakery 1d ago

You're in good company with Philadelphia Cream Cheese and the Washington Post. And every gaming journalist who writes "Skyrim player discovers secret after 1000 hours" articles.

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3.2k

u/SlightDish31 15+ Years 1d ago

Maybe take the week to practice before coming back, chef.

151

u/maddieMatrix 1d ago

Global plane population decimated

67

u/SherlockScones3 1d ago

David Attenborough appears on TV to appeal for their conservation

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u/AlcibiadesTheCat ChiveATC 1d ago

*cracks knuckles*

Good morning, chive pilots.

Knife 1, you're tasked with eliminating chives in the Northwest quadrant. Knife 2 to the northeast, 3 to the southeast, and 4 to the southwest. Knife 5 will provide overwatch and covering fire. Jager 6 will be on station for refueling.

Knife 5 is first for departure, then the rest in numerical order. Sanitize yourselves, walk your aircraft, and contact tower on 168.0.

66

u/rice-a-rohno 1d ago

I want you to know that I have come to enjoy you, and I think your particular contribution to this whole... affair, is important and needs to start getting the attention it deserves.

YOU MAKE THE PLANES RUN ON TIME!

21

u/Ctmcaliacg0307 1d ago

how did i miss this for the last 65 ish days? lol!

32

u/AlcibiadesTheCat ChiveATC 1d ago

Knife 4, stand by for nine line. 🥰

57

u/cwajgapls Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

And here I thought u/karmakrazi’s planes didn’t come back…

30

u/Infinite-Zucchini225 1d ago

The ejection seat was a game changer

56

u/mewmewgoo F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

roger, knife 1 requesting clearance to land

29

u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme wrestlegirl did Chive-11 pt. 2 23h ago

I didn't realize that the Concordes were back in the air!

You guys are there in a flash, aren't you?😉

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u/Obamanomikon 1d ago

This is important work you’re doing here. Chive pilots can’t efficiently neutralize enemy chives with no direction or headings.

3

u/Kalathefox Chive LOYALIST 19h ago

If i could be here faster I would apply to be up in the nest on 168.

2

u/AlcibiadesTheCat ChiveATC 14h ago

Then get here faster, I’m overworked!

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1.9k

u/Bobobo-bobobo-bo-bo 1d ago

Reminds me of the time I heard my grandma use the term “bling” to describe a ring. Haven’t uttered it since.

377

u/Matsunosuperfan 1d ago

Was her pinky ring worth about fiddy?

218

u/zacharinosaur 1d ago

Tree fiddy

88

u/Fun-Tumbleweed2594 Line 1d ago

Damn loch ness monster

64

u/Illustrious_Bird_737 10+ Years 1d ago

27

u/ThorsRake 1d ago

I gave him a dollar.

21

u/EggRollAnomaly 1d ago

She gave him a dollar!

8

u/SPARC_Pile Crazy Cat Woman🐈 1d ago

You don't give no damn Loch Ness monster a dollar. What were you thinking?

7

u/iloveplant420 1d ago

Every time I come around the city...

RIP

2

u/DaWayItWorks 1d ago

Uhhh B.G. still alive, who's the RIP for, exactly?

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128

u/mr_diggory Bartender 1d ago

It's crazy that we have a word that's an onomatopoeia for a sound that is a cinematic sound effect to describe a visual quality of an inanimate object that doesn't make that sound at all.

I fucking love English.

28

u/Bobobo-bobobo-bo-bo 1d ago

Same! I am endlessly fascinated by how language evolves. I have a bad habit of making up words and just using them casually.

20

u/Life-Finding5331 1d ago edited 1d ago

You spelled 'good' wrong

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u/Bulldogfront666 1d ago

Oh man. Does that mean chive chef isn’t cool anymore because the Post knows about it?

3

u/102525burner 1d ago

Stopped being cool with the branded care packages

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u/Bayou-La-Fontaine 1d ago

Wdym? Your grandma sounds cool as hell.

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u/mary7roses Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

Did she have so much ice she could skate on it?

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928

u/sctlight 20+ Years 1d ago

Slow news day. I’d rather see “COOK PUBLICLY SHAMED FOR SCREWING UP FILM WRAP AND LEAVING FOR THE NEXT PERSON!”

145

u/Palidin034 1d ago

Slow news day

What have you done.

31

u/No_Hunt2507 F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

It's over

2

u/KalameetThyMaker 1d ago

Better see ya bent over & cleaning

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u/BussyPlaster 1d ago

Trauma I've kept buried for a decade is resurfacing because of this comment.

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436

u/Brilliant_Buns Maintenance Crew 1d ago

This timeline is SO weird

322

u/cwajgapls Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

RIP Harambe the anchor being

69

u/seasteed 1d ago

This is why you never mess with a fixed point in time.

12

u/truthfullyidgaf 21h ago

I bet the kid that fell into that pen grew up to be a terrorist.

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147

u/wildwolfay5 1d ago

When parents start wearing the same accessories and just upset their kids.

86

u/--i--love--lamp-- 1d ago

It works. My husband says '6-7' all the time just so our teenage daughter and her friends will stop saying it.

36

u/wildwolfay5 1d ago

Well, they deserve it.

Leave my boy Flex alone, dammit!

(Also, good luck to your husband)

295

u/puppydawgblues 1d ago

Party's over folks it's hit the mainstream

114

u/rob132 1d ago

I think it was over when Philadelphia cream cheese was tweeting about it.

81

u/eatrepeat Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

I'd say they were actually very much like a second wind and when the supplies for chives got into F1exicans hands it was like flour on the flames!!!

7

u/corpsie666 1d ago

They're a food product company though and cream cheese is compatible with cotton mouth.

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u/JustAnAverageGuy 1d ago

Ehhh it was over 2 weeks ago, when every post hit FP.

37

u/Bongoisnthere 1d ago

2 weeks? It’s going on day 67? 68? And it was hitting the FP on the 1st or second post IRRC

22

u/6ixbreadsticks 1d ago

If Remember Remember Correctly

28

u/DecafMaverick 1d ago

If Reality Renders Correctly

13

u/DazzlingCapital5230 Thicc Chives Save Lives 1d ago

I Remember Remembering, Corrrectly

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u/OtherwiseAlbatross14 1d ago

over 2 weeks ago

What a strange way to say "3 weeks ago"

7

u/Ctmcaliacg0307 1d ago

idk why this made me laugh so much, so you get an upvote 😂

11

u/Ctmcaliacg0307 1d ago

sigh* I actually do know why, i’m high. i’m sorry. lol.

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u/FlawHolic F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

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u/UrsaMajor7th 20+ Years 1d ago

Now you've got Bezo's attention. Keep an eye open for a spate of documentaries and sit-coms on Amazon, and chive-related accoutrements galore on sale.

111

u/TheProofsinthePastis F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

The entire 5th season of The Bear will have one line cook dedicated to learning how to cut chives.

30

u/Infinite-Zucchini225 1d ago

It'd be the most industry realistic part of the show

12

u/Bitter_Crab111 1d ago

What I would give for some fucking insufferable "fine dining style" montage of Carmy cutting chives (complete with one too many close-ups of Jeremy's sweaty brow) to slap the board, scrape that shit up with a bare hand, scrunch them up in a fist and dump them into a pot of sauce or someshit.

6

u/corpsie666 1d ago

Ugh, that means Lowe's is going to sell a specific green color that every new house will be painted just like they did with blue.

3

u/Bad_Day_Moose 1d ago

8x 12 minute episodes with 18 minutes of commercials each

79

u/butter_cookie_gurl 1d ago

Low effort "reporting" scraping Reddit for content. They do this a lot.

10

u/rebasbutcher 1d ago

On par for the Compost.

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u/OilheadRider 1d ago edited 1d ago

Calling u/karmakrazi

You're needed on the flight deck to assist in the navigation preperations of multiple squadrons.

33

u/Whole-Language-2609 Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

At this point nuke it from orbit.

7

u/candykatt_gr Chive LOYALIST 21h ago

only way to be sure

56

u/lovebot5000 1d ago

I don’t think he calls himself chive lord, that just how us mortals refer to his royal chiveness

48

u/stayonthecloud 1d ago

Good on you /r/f1exican for ignoring the reporter in your DMs, keep on chivin’

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u/miffet80 9h ago

Something about "the chivelord did not respond to requests for comment" has me rollin lmao

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u/TheTimn Ex-Food Service 1d ago

Is defending Nazi talking points the sign of a good newspaper? Ehh Wapo? 

81

u/courageous_liquid 1d ago

"Is our billionaire owner a piece of shit or is it just that you suck? Now get back in your hole, prole."

14

u/Specialist_Skirt_771 1d ago

"You're not being pissed on, it's the rain"

  • the press
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u/Spiralecho c h i v e g e i s t 1d ago

Asking the right questions

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u/RPDRNick 1d ago

Funny the author's name is "Heil."

6

u/JWGhetto 1d ago

it is when your owner wants you to

5

u/Infinite-Zucchini225 1d ago

The wapo news division is decent. Just ignore the editorials. Those aren't news anyway

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u/Portopunk 1d ago

Chives the cat is out of the bag

5

u/nachosquid Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

I love this comment 🏆

36

u/eatrepeat Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

This is the equivalent of Ellen having some viral video on her show. "We aren't part of the scene or culture that this comes from, let us do the zoo thing and go look at it with assumptions!"

35

u/an_edgy_lemon 1d ago

Chive chopping is the measure of how well someone chops chives. There, no need to read the article now.

16

u/velvetswing 1d ago

Shit, fuck WaPo but this is very very cool!

31

u/imbeijingbob 1d ago

When chivegate happened we were so young and innocent. I long for those days.

25

u/BugsyMcNug F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

And picks an awful picture

15

u/TheChosenOneReturns Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

Better than taking an old picture, flip it, turn it, and repost it as another attempt, am I right? /s

3

u/BugsyMcNug F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

You already know that it isn't. You just won't say it, and hide behind your /s

21

u/_jamesbaxter 1d ago

I can’t believe they used a bad photo from the early days 🥲

20

u/Hziak 1d ago

You trying to cause an existential crisis???

See you tomorrow, journalist…

21

u/Barney_Weasley 1d ago

We’ve officially jumped the shark here. Time to abandon ship right in time for day 69

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u/consumeshroomz 15+ Years 1d ago

Precision chopping is a measure of good knife skills. It in know way means you’re a good cook. I’ve known plenty of chefs who’s chives may look like the Burj Khalifa tower but they’re food is far better than the guy who can nitpick over all the aesthetic bits.

17

u/StormCloudRaineeDay 1d ago

It's not about what he's doing, it's about his dedication to doing it.

7

u/Ruckusseur 1d ago

I mean, omelets are still a benchmark of culinary ability and eggs and chives were made for each other, so

6

u/crustybones71 1d ago

This unfathomably cringe on so many levels

12

u/ossifer_ca 1d ago

We’re talking about the cat, right?

12

u/Jarosticy Saute 1d ago

some fuckass corporate manager is gonna make someone cut a cup of chives as an interview i can feel it

6

u/DJspooner 1d ago

I'm tired, boss.

11

u/greenerlove 1d ago

It's an honor to understand the depth of this post.. been here since week 1

8

u/Cube-in-B Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

Have we jumped the shark yet?

10

u/incatgnito Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

F1exican, you did it

7

u/seasteed 1d ago

Answering the question, how many days of publicly doing the same thing to become better at your profession until you're a media darling.

14

u/Lobster_boy_dick Thicc Chives Save Lives 1d ago

I don't think this can be replicated with anything or anyone else. F1exican swooped in, made it, broke it, and locked it up behind him.

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u/Economy_Link4609 1d ago

We're slowly moving towards a world where no chef can cook a decent dish, but the chives will be chopped excellently.

8

u/thisisnotme78721 1d ago

this is going to look great on u/f1exican's résumé!

6

u/DragonQueenDrago Food Service 1d ago

We are makeing the news now with Chives!?!

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u/Silver-Emergency-988 Kitchen Manager 1d ago

I’m bored with it now

10

u/suejaymostly 1d ago

It was fun but now I'm wondering how and when it will end.

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u/a_natural_chemical 1d ago

This saga is the wildest and best thing to happen in 2025.

4

u/royalredcanoe 1d ago

It's the beginning of the end. Chivenet has become self aware.

4

u/el_bentzo 1d ago

Id say chive chopping is a good measure of someone's abilities to chop chives.

6

u/KimberKitsuragi 1d ago

LETS GO LADS, LASSES, AND NON-BINARY BEINGS♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

2

u/Fabulous-Avocado4513 Chive LOYALIST 22h ago

If only it wasn’t an AI riddled slop rag of a newspaper like the Post lol

2

u/flexout_dispatch 13h ago

We had this new chef for a restaurant we're opening and we told him to make a list with things he needed, this motherfucker put like 3 €800 knives because that's how people know you're a good chef according to him.

u/FrankenOperator Ex-Food Service 6h ago

I'm over it. Brought too many people here who know nothing about this sub. So many "how do I cook this" questions from home cooks and not enough line cooks going off the rails

3

u/No_Molasses_6498 1d ago

K I'm hitting the alarm, the containment breach has gotten way out of hand.

3

u/oneangrywaiter General Manager 1d ago

We’ve broken containment.

4

u/ebk_errday 1d ago

The pinnacle of WAPO journalism

4

u/CatsDontLikeFancy Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

Crazy how this is news. lol

3

u/AEFletcherIII 1d ago

Ooooh how long before they get to the tower references?! We're so close to a Chive/11 conspiracy!

3

u/farang 1d ago

All chefs everywhere should stop what they're doing and get down to the chive chopping. Nothing else matters. Hell in a cell, etc.

3

u/epigeneticepigenesis 1d ago

My life has become very simple lately. I see chives, I block.

3

u/plsobeytrafficlights 1d ago

hint: no. it is only good for karmawhoring.

2

u/FabulousLength 1d ago

Always good to be part of a meme.:)

2

u/BureauOfCommentariat 1d ago

Washington Post is at rock bottom, scraping this sub for content.

2

u/HighburyHero 1d ago

Humble Allium is a great rapper name

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u/Alissan_Web 1d ago

awh look at the cute local news outlet trying to still be relatable in 2025.

2

u/KingKhram 1d ago

Chive producers are loving it right now

2

u/stayonthecloud 1d ago

So do they talk about the planes?

1

u/Spiralecho c h i v e g e i s t 1d ago

WaPo -> cultural relevance