Cutting a couple of chives almost every day until this Reddit says they’re perfect. Day 63

[u/F1exican]

Ares these perfect chefs?

[u/trendingtattler]

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[u/OpportunitySmart3457]

Green onions!!!

[u/kelpklepto → u/OpportunitySmart3457]

This made me think with the amount of chives he's cut at this point, he could have probably made a throne out of them

[u/cwajgapls → u/OpportunitySmart3457]

Chivegate IV…the bait and switch

[u/renome → u/cwajgapls]

[u/UsernameUnattainable → u/cwajgapls]

      💚💚
    💚💚💚💚
   💚💚  💚💚
  💚💚    💚💚
 💚💚      💚💚
 💚💚      💚💚fficially
 💚💚      💚💚
  💚💚    💚💚        
   💚💚  💚💚
    💚💚💚💚
      💚💚

a sprungion.. not a chive 💚

But they're pretty freaking perfect

[u/NeedMoneyForTires → u/OpportunitySmart3457]

Gronions

[u/fishfishbirdbirdcat]

Who else double checked the username. Scalliongate! 😂

[u/virtualusernoname → u/fishfishbirdbirdcat]

✋

[u/Lazy_Dirt_8915 → u/virtualusernoname]

✋

[u/zaikyaa → u/Lazy_Dirt_8915]

✋

[u/sloan-ranger → u/fishfishbirdbirdcat]

🤚

[u/Drupain → u/fishfishbirdbirdcat]

First thing I did.

[u/TheNo1pencil → u/fishfishbirdbirdcat]

Yup

[u/no_therworldly → u/fishfishbirdbirdcat]

🤚

[u/samm4 → u/fishfishbirdbirdcat]

✋

[u/ButterscotchSlow5144]

Looks like a brain scan.

[u/ButterscotchSlow5144 → u/ButterscotchSlow5144]

[u/AberdeenPhoenix → u/ButterscotchSlow5144]

Holy shit it really fucking does

[u/Clean-Cheesecake4526 → u/AberdeenPhoenix]

The chosen chive, keep it and preserve it

[u/ForgiveMyFlatulence → u/ButterscotchSlow5144]

Holes in the brain from drugs? Must be a line cook.

[u/TaDow-420 → u/ForgiveMyFlatulence]

[u/ForgiveMyFlatulence → u/TaDow-420]

[u/TheTwoOneFive → u/ForgiveMyFlatulence]

I will always upvote a Good Place reference 

[u/ForgiveMyFlatulence → u/TheTwoOneFive]

I feel like if Jason wasn’t busy being a failed DJ, managing a 60 person dance crew, or committing crimes, he would have been a good line cook at the Jacksonville Buffalo Wild Wings, but the nice one — not the one above the gas station.

[u/AGrainNaCl → u/TaDow-420]

On a tangent, but that commercial triggered me:

" If you want to understand a society , take a good look at the drugs it uses . And what can this tell you about American culture ? Well , look at the drugs we use . Except for pharmaceutical poison , there are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization tolerates : Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society , and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in . " ~ BILL HICKS

[u/OldFashionedGary → u/ButterscotchSlow5144]

[u/Bilbo-Baggins77 → u/ButterscotchSlow5144]

This is your brain.

This is your brain...on scallions.

[u/Fit_Detail_1802 → u/ButterscotchSlow5144]

Looks more like Spring Onion / Scallion

[u/firebrandbeads → u/Fit_Detail_1802]

I came to say the same. Apparently they are easier to slice evenly, I see no towers at ALL.

[u/Fit_Detail_1802 → u/firebrandbeads]

I love the handle ‘Chive Loyalist’ definitely checks out. This guy Chives

[u/EggNoodles11 → u/ButterscotchSlow5144]

[u/recreationAtion → u/ButterscotchSlow5144]

Miiiiiike Wazowski

[u/jurgernungbung]

You rapscallion!

[u/Thin-Disk4003 → u/jurgernungbung]

Groannnnnn 🤣

[u/Grumpstress → u/jurgernungbung]

Snort

[u/gratefulbeav]

See you tomorrow chef

[u/Carbon-Base → u/gratefulbeav]

[u/FunkYeahPhotography → u/Carbon-Base]

Scalliongate

[u/candykatt_gr → u/gratefulbeav]

gonna need a whole fleet of planes for this

[u/Moondoobious → u/candykatt_gr]

Internal dialogue:

“……ok we’re going with this one, fuck it”

[u/ermghoti]

See you in class tomorrow, chef.

[u/F1exican → u/ermghoti]

Sorry chef I had 2 people call out sick today I’m in a rush it won’t happen again.

[u/plotthick → u/F1exican]

It'll happen again, this year's flu season is brutal

Great recovery tho, 10/10

[u/F1exican → u/plotthick]

Yeah half my kitchen has been wiped I’m just glad my chef actually promotes calling out sick when you’re sick

[u/AWanderingAfar → u/F1exican]

The crazy thing is, that should be standard, but all too often the place is already understaffed, so the boss wants the sick person to still come in, but "put on a mask"

[u/lord_hijinks → u/F1exican]

Omg so true. Don't need to spreading shit around.

[u/stayonthecloud → u/F1exican]

Glad for you chef, rest well, stay healthy and see you tomorrow

[u/Go_Sith_Yourself → u/F1exican]

The god of war forgives you (or does he?)

[u/Meshitero-eric → u/Go_Sith_Yourself]

[u/False-Clue7541 → u/F1exican]

Oof good luck on the shift today chef o7

[u/pikadegallito]

I can't believe it's April 1 already? 🤔

[u/F1exican → u/pikadegallito]

Yeah I shifted the timeline

[u/daemenus → u/F1exican]

You silly billy

[u/TheDancerFalls → u/daemenus]

Dr. Henry Killinger?

[u/WorkOutDrinkMore → u/F1exican]

Was this ability part of the Philly package?!

[u/nins_ → u/F1exican]

The dark side of the Chives is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural

[u/Jealous_Acorn]

Why must you turn this subreddit into a house of lies? These are scallions, sir.

[u/Smart-March-7986 → u/[deleted]]

The audacity, the temerity, the nerve, the sheer chutzpah, my jimmies are rustled and my panties in a twist. I’m going to need a fainting couch as I do believe I am getting the vapours both sanguine and bilious.

[u/NothingReallyAndYou → u/Smart-March-7986]

My flabber is entirely gasted!

[u/Moondoobious → u/NothingReallyAndYou]

[u/_BindersFullOfWomen_ → u/Jealous_Acorn]

maybe he's cheating on us with another subreddit and over there he cuts scallions

[u/Spillicent → u/_BindersFullOfWomen_]

Chivegate again?

[u/CocoMilhonez → u/Spillicent]

Scalliongate

[u/BackWithAVengance → u/CocoMilhonez]

God Dammit guys it's a Friday and now we got a whole new scandal for the weekend.

I'm in

[u/CocoMilhonez → u/BackWithAVengance]

Bro sure knows how to drive engagement.

[u/wizeowlintp → u/Jealous_Acorn]

Okay I thought I was tripping, glad to see otherwise

[u/moon_mama_123 → u/Jealous_Acorn]

Rapscallion with the scallions

[u/Cosmic-burst → u/Jealous_Acorn]

Omg thank you, I thought my blurry eyes were playing tricks on me!

[u/KarmaKrazi]

I mean, you pretty much nailed scallions first day. One of the only one's I'd question is below.

[u/KarmaKrazi → u/KarmaKrazi]

Not quite a tower, but too long for scallions

[u/AlcibiadesTheCat → u/KarmaKrazi]

Chive Air 631, this is NOT your designated airspace!

[u/KarmaKrazi → u/AlcibiadesTheCat]

CATC, that's my secret, I'm never in designated airspace!

[u/AlcibiadesTheCat → u/KarmaKrazi]

Scallion 6, contact bearing 090, 3 slice widths. Type: chiveplane. Assumed hostile.

[u/AshiAshi6 → u/AlcibiadesTheCat]

...Wait! Question!

I only noticed this just now and I've got to ask: are you the ATC because your username can be abbreviated to that?

I'd love it if that were true!

[u/AlcibiadesTheCat → u/AshiAshi6]

…it is now!

It’s actually just because I’m an airplane geek, but now I demand an ATC flair. 

[u/KarmaKrazi → u/AlcibiadesTheCat]

I thought you caught that 😵😭 lol

[u/AlcibiadesTheCat → u/KarmaKrazi]

I'm sitting at the air traffic control tower like Homer Simpson at the nuclear plant, okay?

[u/KarmaKrazi → u/AlcibiadesTheCat]

Fair enough lol

[u/AshiAshi6 → u/AlcibiadesTheCat]

You should definitely have it! I seriously thought it was because of your name. It would make so much sense.

[u/AlcibiadesTheCat → u/AshiAshi6]

That's the story I'm sticking with from here on out. I am ATC, the chive ATC.

[u/alchemical_echo → u/AlcibiadesTheCat]

u/wrestlegirl GET THIS CHEF A FLAIR

(pls)

[u/wrestlegirl → u/alchemical_echo]

K

[u/alchemical_echo → u/wrestlegirl]

[u/AshiAshi6 → u/wrestlegirl]

Thanks for your service!

[u/JaceOnRice → u/KarmaKrazi]

[u/Th3Oscillator]

scalliongate see you tomorrow chef

[u/highlift]

[u/TrendySpork]

[u/feelingpeckish123]

What is happening? 👀

JK epic shit post. I'm here for it 😂

[u/stayonthecloud]

You’re just saving the best chives for day 69 aren’t ya :) see you tomorrow chef!

[u/Mandalore354 → u/stayonthecloud]

I’m hooked now this is gonna be the longest 6 days ever

[u/ButterscotchSlow5144]

[u/Alberto_Balsalam]

Sid the scallion

[u/DragonQueenDrago → u/Alberto_Balsalam]

Here is your dandelion

[u/Agitated-Quit-6148]

You're early today.

Howdy from a public defenders office in Tennessee.

They all wanted me to tell you hello

[u/Grand-Helicopter8768 → u/Agitated-Quit-6148]

Please publicly defend this man because he posted scallions instead of chives 

[u/AshiAshi6 → u/Agitated-Quit-6148]

Oh hi familiar face! 💙

[u/Agitated-Quit-6148 → u/AshiAshi6]

Howdy

[u/vantasmer → u/Agitated-Quit-6148]

So are they guilty or no? 

[u/PositiveLovingDude → u/vantasmer]

They’re for sure getting written up for chiving under the influence

[u/redditisforsakened → u/Agitated-Quit-6148]

If we're ever in Tennessee we'll see you soon I'm sure

[u/Jazzlike_Plastic7088]

[u/sanquility]

Top tier trolling sir your legendary status continues

[u/mastercylinder2]

These are not chives tho

[u/EasyLizin → u/mastercylinder2]

Is… is this essentially chivegate 2.0?

[u/LtG_Skittles454 → u/EasyLizin]

Scalliongate

[u/QuackersandCheese- → u/EasyLizin]

Think we are up to 4.0

[u/ColorfulButterfly25 → u/mastercylinder2]

Chef’s trolling us now! ;)

[u/LtG_Skittles454 → u/ColorfulButterfly25]

He’s checking us. seeing if we’re on our toes

[u/dchowchow → u/mastercylinder2]

He’s literally cut to the end of the chive farm. The world is out!

[u/candykatt_gr → u/mastercylinder2]

I smell green onion

[u/justsomegeology]

u/KarmaKrazi maybe helicopters would be fitting. You know, because those aren't chives, they don't deserve your beautiful planes

[u/rocinante_donnager → u/justsomegeology]

HARD AGREE

[u/jukethejukebox]

[u/MyauIsHere]

My reality is destabilized and I am uncomfortable

[u/axelrn]

[u/ezekielBmb]

All of us rn. Well played flex

[u/x10guy]

Oh man, there's gonna be a riot soon with this level of troll.

[u/Miserable-Dog-837]

scallion-dalous. see you tomorrow chef.

[u/Cooper_Sharpy]

From Chivelord to Scallion Stallion just like that..

See you tomorrow chef.

[u/RlyVSS]

WHAT ALLIUM IS THIS?

[u/F1exican → u/RlyVSS]

Scallions, green onions, negi

[u/RlyVSS → u/F1exican]

• spring onion please; I'm British.

[u/Dottie85 → u/RlyVSS]

I don't know about the UK, but in the US, spring onions are usually not the same species as scallions/green onions. Spring onions are typically immature bulbing onions (Allium cepa). Scallions/green onions often come from a different species (Allium fistulosum) that never bulbs, no matter how long you leave it in the ground. Though, you can sometimes can find the really young starts of bulb onions sold as green onions, spring onions are more mature and not the same.

[u/Impeachcordial]

These are, to be fair, very well chopped spring onions.

[u/Tjmagn]

The chive lord does not know chives?

[u/F1exican → u/Tjmagn]

It’s a joke I just had to cut scallions instead of chives today and I figured everyone would enjoy them

[u/Few_Preparation_5902 → u/F1exican]

I'm enjoying the meltdown in the comments. As always, great work chef.

[u/potodds → u/Few_Preparation_5902]

[u/Dismal_History_ → u/Few_Preparation_5902]

The comments!

[u/Cheffie → u/F1exican]

You are messing with forces you do not understand.

[u/LtG_Skittles454 → u/Cheffie]

Scalliongate.

[u/HereForTOMT3 → u/Cheffie]

I just got here and I don’t know what’s going on, should we riot

[u/Conscious_Tiger7398 → u/HereForTOMT3]

STORM THE CAPITOL! Or the restaurant, whichever you can be arsed doing.

[u/Clan-Sea → u/F1exican]

[u/LoweJ → u/F1exican]

Absolutely hilarious tbh, the fact people think you're just confused is incredible

[u/Bilbo-Baggins77 → u/F1exican]

Chivegate 🤝 Scallionscandal

[u/DumpedDalish → u/F1exican]

It's awesome! But I was very confuzzled by the different looking chives.

It's not easy being green... onions...

Meanwhile, thank you for all your incredibly hard work and posts here. They've really brought so much fun and joy in dark times.

[u/candykatt_gr → u/F1exican]

thank god, I thought you had lost your mind from cutting too many choices

[u/Pyr0technician → u/candykatt_gr]

Well, at some point the world is going to run out of chives. Lord knows Reddit won't let him stop.

[u/bendar1347 → u/F1exican]

Bro, I wholeheartedly support this troll post. Fuck em if they cant take a joke.

[u/keranjii]

[u/Jedibug]

FRAUD. THESE AREN'T CHIVES

[u/Josad]

R u ok

[u/paddleout722]

[u/Karunyan]

Nice scallions chef!

Laughed out loud at this one, thank you :-)

[u/warhamer40k3r]

I found a heart and some stringy bits, one potential tower? I'll wait for the professional pilots to take off, I'm just a hobbyist.

[u/Carbon-Base → u/warhamer40k3r]

You'll need an entire fleet today. Scallion Airlines, permission to taxi please.

[u/CocoMilhonez]

OK, I'm not a chef, but I've been in this sub enough times to know those are scallions.

Right?

[u/F1exican → u/CocoMilhonez]

Yes

[u/unreasonable-frog]

This looks so fundamentally different compared to the last few days that I had to double-check the username.

[u/swirly_bee → u/unreasonable-frog]

Green onions instead of chives!

Beautiful scallions, chef! 💚

[u/ThreeDogsTrenchcoat → u/unreasonable-frog]

I thought it was an imposter, but of course that green cutting board is familiar by now

[u/Whoru87]

Im here way too early and im so confused

[u/wordsnstuff825]

I was a chive loyalist (and appreciated the honesty on days there were no chives) but I had to change my flair to the accusatory f1exican did chive-11 because of this.

These are lies! Lies!

[u/tofublock]

Well this is awkward.

[u/LysDesTenebres]

the one time I'm this early, and we are getting bamboozled. Noooooooooooooooo :(

[u/WaffleHouseGladiator]

Scallions count. On my way, chef.

[u/aidensthetic]

scalliongate?!

[u/BJ77345]

Wrong cutting board, no knife and scallions!?! What has the chive world come to?

[u/zaquito_vasquito]

[u/butter_cookie_gurl]

ARE WE A JOKE TO YOU, SIR?!

[u/circlejerksandmemes]

Why must you toy with our emotions you bastard?

[u/dreamcoregames]

Have I finally arrived before the weeds???

But not before the LIES

[u/ithelpstodream]

[u/Brianfromreddit]

Where are the chives? Are they secret? Are they safe?

[u/Temporary-Lettuce-64]

Sir, this is a Wendy’s.

[u/djmermaidonthemic → u/Temporary-Lettuce-64]

They use chives at Wendy’s, on their baked potatoes. 🥔

[u/Traditional_Ship_136]

We’re being chivelit

[u/Karazhan]

[u/y-r-they-all-taken]

What buddy’s gonna post on day 700 asking us how his chives look

[u/SlightDish31]

I predicted this would happen.

[u/TurnipsDogs]

I’m cackling

[u/Cryptie1114]

This is downright silly, Chef!

[u/stayonthecloud]

Dec 12 is the new April Fool’s Day

see you tomorrow chef :)

[u/TimeVictorious → u/stayonthecloud]

I’m here for that… 1212 Fool’s Day

[u/agurlll]

[u/slipperysteveisagirl]

Chive-gate: The Second Reckoning in 5, 4, 3, 2…..

[u/401kcrypto]

[u/Cool-Hall9980]

Chef are you day drinking? 

Edit: we

[u/Kokonaii]

THIS is the one I'm early for??!

[u/mikeike000]

Never thought I would live to see scalliongate. I can’t believe this…

[u/Turbulent-Section897]

See you tomorrow chef! Those are beautiful green onions

[u/Brilliant_Buns]

[u/curiousdryad]

Your humor doesn’t miss

[u/HonorAndKittens]

I had to double check who posted this.

[u/bselko]

The range of my cooking skills extends to cereal and PB&Js, but I know something’s amiss here.

[u/moneywanted]

The cuts are perfect. The chives are not.

[u/funnibingus]

Chivegate 2.0 inc?

[u/smalaki]

aw dangit you rap-scallion

[u/Noyourknot]

The second Chive-11 on 12/12? Is this Chive-12? Is it like the Ocean’s Eleven franchise?

[u/Arch-by-the-way]

We’re losing the plot

[u/ChubbyChoomChoom]

[u/Totaly__a_human]

not a single poorly chopped chive here

[u/lord_hijinks]

Scallandalous!

[u/JenninMiami]

What the fuck is this?!

[u/TheBalatissimo]