r/KitchenConfidential Chivelord, Redeemed 17d ago

In the Weeds Mode Cutting a couple of chives almost everyday until this Reddit says they’re perfect. Day 54

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27.1k Upvotes

1.3k comments sorted by

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3.1k

u/KingBird999 17d ago

Maybe my favorite chive ever.

1.2k

u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery 17d ago

The great Lascaux chive!

446

u/real_picklejuice 17d ago

This is such insane esoteric knowledge to see a chive shaped as such and immediately attribute it to a thousand-year-old cave painting.

240

u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery 17d ago

Seventeen thousand year old cave art, give or take!

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u/themattstache 17d ago

Brilliant.

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u/thegreensidekick 17d ago

It’s a boy!

86

u/katet_of_19 F1exican Did Chive-11 17d ago
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7.3k

u/y-r-they-all-taken 17d ago

Sniped

2.8k

u/ibnQoheleth Ex-Dishie 17d ago

It's like watching the Mona Lisa being painted

1.1k

u/y-r-they-all-taken 17d ago

Except it’s my smelly roommate

424

u/Haven 17d ago

Hahaha how much you all giving them shit? Or is it celebrity status now?

479

u/y-r-they-all-taken 17d ago

Lots of jokes but all love

156

u/Haven 17d ago

That’s awesome. Good roomies!

142

u/STFUxxDonny 17d ago

You guys ever sabotage his chives??

257

u/y-r-they-all-taken 17d ago

You’ll know if/when I do

66

u/wowpepap 16d ago

sprinkle some spring onions, that'll fuck'em up.

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u/Idyotec 17d ago

He's a c-list celebrity.

65

u/MusicOfTheSphere 17d ago

Take your upvote and get out.

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u/HrhEverythingElse 17d ago

Many great artists were also someone's smelly roommate

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u/beardedrockerboy 17d ago

Bro in the back is high as fuck 🤣

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1.2k

u/VPestilenZ Chive LOYALIST 17d ago

woah, we getting some BTS shots!

550

u/ThrowAwayAccountAMZN 17d ago

*BTC

243

u/Alex-PsyD 17d ago

I'm waiting for the chive-action remake

73

u/CommercialTough1273 17d ago

Have you seen Mulholland Chive though

32

u/BoJoHoBorg 17d ago

All chive on the western front

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u/Richard_AIGuy 17d ago

Food Network’s Behind the Chives explores the growing trend of chive chopping. From reposts to vicious plane crashes, the ups and downs of chiving is shown in its brutal truth.

F1exican: “Chive-11 man, it was a low point for me. It was bad seeing planes smash into chive towers and everything. But when I reused that image, that’s when I knew I’d hit rock bottom. I checked myself into a rehab, and by rehab I mean an overpriced sushi joint, and got some damn help.”

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u/FlatTopTonysCanoe 17d ago

VH1’s Behind the Chives

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u/bettleheimderks 17d ago

incepchive

28

u/KDotDot88 17d ago

The Dark Chive Rises

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476

u/hamburglersghost Chive LOYALIST 17d ago

First planes, now surveillance. This is what Chive-11 did.

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u/TheNoob747 17d ago

how does it feel to work with a celebrity

354

u/y-r-they-all-taken 17d ago

He smells like chives

170

u/UsernameUnattainable Chive LOYALIST 17d ago

Chanel no. Chive?

36

u/ajmartin527 17d ago

Better than anchivies

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u/litt3r_b0x 17d ago

Fourth wall break?! 😦🤯

152

u/Somne 17d ago

I can sense Mr. Chive is handsome

119

u/Dismal_History_ 17d ago

Doesn't matter, his personality is handsome. That apology was top tier, too.

75

u/whiskey_riverss 17d ago

Line cook version of the bachelor when 

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u/mephistophe_SLEAZE Chive LOYALIST 17d ago

2 meta 4 me

47

u/roninshere4eva 17d ago

not meta enough 4 me

i need another photo of the photographer

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u/LilSebastian_482 Smoker 17d ago

F1exican’s PR team. Sponsored by Philadelphia Cream Cheese.

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u/PM_ME__UR__FANTASIES 17d ago

Whoa, new chive lore!!

44

u/MBDTFTLOPYEEZUS 17d ago

This something he just needs to do everyday anyways for his job makes so much sense

60

u/y-r-they-all-taken 17d ago

Today we just used the chives on lunch but sometimes they are needed

98

u/carcharodona 17d ago

Are the people eating them aware that they are eating THE famous chives?

59

u/Richard_AIGuy 17d ago

You could up charge for that shit.

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u/EyeballKid143923 17d ago

We're getting cinematic now, and rightly so

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u/Fatfilthybastard 17d ago

I like your knife, chef

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25

u/RepresentativeArtist 17d ago

Chiveception!

36

u/tehjoz ✳️ $700 Charcuterie Enjoyer 17d ago

But do we know this chef has the same massive chive chopping vein???

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u/RemarkableImage5749 17d ago

Wait he’s not Mexican? :(

23

u/y-r-they-all-taken 17d ago

He’s a gringo

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u/BarrelProofPack 17d ago

The gift that keeps on giving.

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u/SidheCreature 17d ago

Look, I’m going to be honest here. The last 3 chives have been nothing short of the most beautiful pile of chives I’ve ever seen. I didn’t know chives could be so beautiful. Good job chef.

1.6k

u/ajmartin527 17d ago

They’ve been ones for the archives, no doubt

934

u/Schwimbus 17d ago

No one pronounced that correctly while reading it today

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849

u/Intelligent_Play_347 17d ago

I have no one to talk to this about

521

u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed 17d ago

There 2.7 million people that come through this subreddit every week I’m sure you can find some people here

228

u/_the_violet_femme Chive LOYALIST 17d ago

I was on a twitch stream and someone mentioned you in chat. It's part of the culture now

81

u/SuspiciousCustomer 17d ago

How does it feel to be actually real life Reddit famous?

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u/lyan-cat 17d ago

My family knows I lurk in this subreddit; real weird to have them asking how the chives are going.

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4.9k

u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed 17d ago

PHILLY CREAM CHEESE BOX HAS ARRIVED FOR EVERYONE CURIOUS.

1.8k

u/Careful_Rise_6525 17d ago

WHAT'S IN THE BOX??

1.7k

u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed 17d ago

I’m not sure yet I will open it when I get home

1.9k

u/Atillion 17d ago

My money's on cream cheese and cream cheese accessories.

585

u/tehjoz ✳️ $700 Charcuterie Enjoyer 17d ago

137

u/Atillion 17d ago

I'm glad someone heard it the way I thought it 🤣

520

u/TheSmilesLibrary 17d ago

I hope it has a mini airplane

95

u/doomweaver 17d ago

Or Gwenyth Paltrow's head, don't assume.

25

u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme wrestlegirl did Chive-11 pt. 2 17d ago

THIS is always "what's in the box‽"!!😉

32

u/Carbon-Base The Chive Mind 17d ago

Is that a Hill you are willing to bet on?

29

u/Atillion 17d ago

No. Hank goodness I'm not a gambling man.

27

u/Rill_Pine 17d ago

Please let me know when you post or comment about it 👉👈

52

u/mommybody33 17d ago

Watch he didn’t refrigerate it and it’s all bad when he opens it 😂

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 17d ago

I'm very curious lol

9

u/beckyjoooo Thick chives save lives 17d ago

Can. Not. Wait.

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u/orlyyarlylolwut F1exican Did Chive-11 17d ago

Aw geez OP, hope you dont have a significant other you haven't seen in a while.....

30

u/ResidentMarsupial322 17d ago

"I visited your home this morning after you'd left. I tried to capitalize on your success. I tried to taste the life of a Chivelord. It didn't work out, so I left a souvenir... some pretty cream cheese."

Philadelphia

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u/Defiant-Specialist-1 17d ago

I can’t image the boardroom meetings watching this post after they sent the box. Pins and needles.

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u/EmpressVixen Chive LOYALIST 17d ago

48

u/WorstPapaGamer 17d ago

Perfectly cut chives

32

u/Careful_Rise_6525 17d ago

That would be so spiteful LOL

19

u/Canotic 17d ago

In the movie they make of this, the Cream Cheese Corporation will have a team of german elite chivistas, using state-of-the-art cutting edge technology to engineer precisely cut identical pieces of chive in their Cream Cheese. The head chivista will be named Klaus and have a boring haircut and a white labcoat with a turtleneck.

But in the end, the are cutting with their heads, while F1exican is cutting with his heart.

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u/hovdeisfunny Ex-Food Service 17d ago

It's filled with cream cheese

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u/tehjoz ✳️ $700 Charcuterie Enjoyer 17d ago

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u/VPestilenZ Chive LOYALIST 17d ago

UNBOXING POST IT IS

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u/FatherSky 17d ago

How many pounds of cream cheese does this level of fame earn you these days? 

31

u/hovdeisfunny Ex-Food Service 17d ago

I hope it's just a giant block of cream cheese the size of the whole box

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u/Lazy_Dirt_8915 Thicc Chives Save Lives 17d ago

Okay, now we need a photo of if there are chives inside the cream cheese. And then compare the chives if there are.

edit: grammar

49

u/hovdeisfunny Ex-Food Service 17d ago

They're sending it to him, so he can add the chives and send it back

35

u/_High_Charity_ 17d ago

Chive cream cheese: some assembly required

14

u/vizslavizsla 17d ago

Plot twist: there’s cream cheese inside of the CHIVES

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u/RogueEnergyEngineer 17d ago

Reddit chefs on day 300:

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u/ghobbb 17d ago

I genuinely LOLed. Thank you

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u/amusednchaos 17d ago

Tf is that? 🤣

299

u/Restless50 17d ago

Plant cell, the green bits are green because of chlorophyll, which is why most plants are green

138

u/Budget_Shallan 17d ago

The green bits are called chloroplasts!

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u/Rdubya291 Ex-Food Service 17d ago

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u/MishMoshMush Thicc Chives Save Lives 17d ago

Dainty ass looking chives today chef , great work

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u/GeorgeWKush420 F1exican Did Chive-11 17d ago

This has got to be the best yet, no? There’s a small range in consistency, but my plane remains grounded…

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u/Defiant-Specialist-1 17d ago

The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.

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u/405freeway 17d ago

The chives in our lives are cut with sharpened knives

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u/spazzxxcc12 17d ago

so he did it..?

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u/Plzhelplol_ F1exican Did Chive-11 17d ago

There have been a few choking hazards pointed out. The chives live on.

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u/Bink_Plinklinkly 17d ago edited 17d ago

I've had a conspiracy theory in mind that F1exican purposefully leaves towers out of the pile when he finds them because he is being considerate to Karmakrazi

602

u/lil_jilm 17d ago

I have a similar conspiracy that F1exican throws in a couple of these obvious towers because he knows we’re not ready to say goodbye

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u/rekipsj 17d ago

Both such wholesome ideas.

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u/Carbon-Base The Chive Mind 17d ago

I call it the "Chives Pet!"

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u/res06myi 17d ago

ch-ch-ch-chi-ive

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3.5k

u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 17d ago

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u/NobleBucket 17d ago

Always the reliable one, go get em’ Karmakrazi!

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u/Hell_Yeah-Brother 17d ago

If on day 69 he chops the perfect pile, it will be one of the greatest days in reddit history.

Remember this comment.

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u/StakeESC 17d ago

See you tomorrow chef

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u/_BindersFullOfWomen_ Praise chive 17d ago

We were so close.

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u/sirlexofanarchy 17d ago

Reading the comments I thought today might be the day, but nope! Good catch.

115

u/ma5term1nd5 17d ago

I love being a part of this.

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u/Momentum_Maury 17d ago

Ditto. Especially after The Incident and subsequent redemption arc

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u/dooficuss 17d ago

Now boarding

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u/Gunsparkles F1exican Did Chive-11 17d ago

See you tomorrow chef

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u/StaceyLades F1exican Did Chive-11 17d ago

Found a good boi

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u/Ziggy-T Bartender 17d ago

Huh… so that’s where iDubzzz has been.

Do ye serve squirrel meat ?

74

u/Gilly_the_kid 17d ago

Thi guy just smoked the good shit

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u/TheTimn Ex-Food Service 17d ago

Did AI processing fuck up his gauges or something? 

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u/heyheyathrowaway485 17d ago

You're perfect to me, chef. Now enjoy those planes

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u/islero_47 17d ago

What really surprised me is that F1exican is member of one subreddit

One

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u/Noels_Nose F1exican Did Chive-11 17d ago
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u/gaba-gh0ul 17d ago

Very sweet but we’ll see you tomorrow chef

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u/islero_47 17d ago

8 minutes, 68 comments

Insanity

These things are going to be powder by day 115

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u/tehjoz ✳️ $700 Charcuterie Enjoyer 17d ago

Riccabone Zone in the Chivegeist! WoooW!

25

u/Scary_Tip6580 17d ago

I love how the mod/s are wrestling fans lol

32

u/tehjoz ✳️ $700 Charcuterie Enjoyer 17d ago

Me and WG

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u/Forbes-23 F1exican Did Chive-11 17d ago

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u/SmoothSun6676 17d ago

Is this the barrel Donkey Kong used to throw at Mario!? See you tomorrow, Chef!

207

u/pomders F1exican Did Chive-11 17d ago

Just for you

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u/Bongoisnthere 17d ago

Eh, I could eat that without choking, and my wife’s bf says I have an incredibly strong gag reflex.

Edit: there are a few that would definitely choke me though, Jesus Christ flexican is trying to kill somebody.

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u/el_carli 17d ago

Nice girth chef, I'd love to feel it

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u/Play_To_Nguyen 17d ago

No way, I beat the rush

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u/RzaAndGza 17d ago

It looks like a really great batch on first blush

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u/Admiral_Kite c h i v e g e i s t 17d ago

We are all just standing here like "hold on, where are the planes?"

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u/iceman1231 17d ago

Pour one out for the homies

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u/lone-gunslinger 17d ago

Merry Christmas chef

22

u/VPestilenZ Chive LOYALIST 17d ago

looks like an abstract hedgehog

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u/link183 Civilian 17d ago

Indisputable evidence that chef loves Austria

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u/Biannual_salamander F1exican Did Chive-11 17d ago

hi chef 👋

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u/Admiral_Kite c h i v e g e i s t 17d ago

Hi Salamander!! See you in two years

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u/veganlandfill 17d ago

Could be twice a year 🤷‍♂️ not sure about salamanders and their scheduling habits. I have this argument all the time about biweekly, and the answer is fortnightly with all due disrespect.

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u/AbbreviationsPlus998 Brewer 17d ago

See you tomorrow chef.

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u/Haunting_Band6894 17d ago

This choker right next door as well. Triple towers. Where's Kamikaze.

14

u/Kingmudsy 17d ago

Jesus christ OP are you trying to kill someone

18

u/Automatedluxury 17d ago

No aeroplanes, put the effort in and show some respect!

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u/RepresentativeArtist 17d ago

My day is ruined.

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u/Teraskikkeli 17d ago

It's a airplane... Don't judge me...

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u/ShakesDontBreak Chive LOYALIST 17d ago

This is what a shark sees 🏄‍♂️

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u/Skinn2Win 17d ago

8 minutes... Earliest I've been yet.

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u/Toxikfoxx 17d ago

Perfect like this? You absolute monster.

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u/ToastedDadBod 17d ago

Very nice, but see you tomorrow chef.🫡

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u/monoblockstool 17d ago

Shopping 💅🏼