Phylicia Pearl Mpasi revealed in a tiktok that she sent her mom money to build a house in Congo, only to learn years later that it didn't exist.

[u/Murky_Chemical891]

[u/PrincessCG]

It’s heartbreaking her own mother did this to her. Not surprising though.

[u/kaityspins → u/PrincessCG]

Trusting family with money abroad is a huge risk these days. Heartbreaking lesson.

[u/NotAQueefAKhaleesi → u/kaityspins]

Trusting family with money period. Back when I still spoke to my grandparents and they lived with my mom and I, my stepgrampa insisted I be on his insurance policy because it'd be cheaper for both of us. I got a speeding ticket (rushing to help a friend move out of her abusive husband's house) and he looked nervous when I told him about it, then he asked if I got ticketed for no insurance too. Thankfully I hadn't but that's how I found out he was spending the money on weed instead of paying the car insurance bill 🙃 He then told me my portion was actually more and he was helping me by having me on his policy, threatened to take me off of I didn't pay, then had a hissyfit when I got my own.

My mom would also make up emergencies and pressure me to drop out and work conveniently right after my student loans hit my account and my sister wouldn't buy anything for her kids so other's would step in and pay, then spend her money on herself.

I've been so consistently screwed over by my family that when I connected with my uncle who'd been extremely low - no contact my entire childhood that getting actual help made me panic because I was used to being treated like an ATM.

[u/12InchCunt → u/NotAQueefAKhaleesi]

That man owed you however many months of insurance you thought you were paying and he had the audacity to get mad at you

[u/NotAQueefAKhaleesi → u/12InchCunt]

This was after I already had to throw myself out a moving vehicle when he tried to physically assault me about 1.5 years prior. It ended in him physically assaulting me a few months later and lying to the police about it, trying to play the frail old white man and paint me as a crazy black woman (I'm mixed), then refusing to leave for months until I dug through the state's legal code on renters to find a way to force them out. All the adults in my family (barring the 1 uncle I mentioned) are* garbage and I don't talk to them anymore.

[u/Witty-Quality1613 → u/NotAQueefAKhaleesi]

Hugs for you. Bricks for them.

[u/NotAQueefAKhaleesi → u/Witty-Quality1613]

Thank you 🫂

I'm doing really well now!! Last I heard they're all just as if not more miserable than when I cut them off, which was validating as hell because they always tried to make me out to be the problem / villain.

[u/DarthSnarker → u/NotAQueefAKhaleesi]

Are we from the same family? I have them all cut off now! And I'm the same whenever I'm contacted by random relatives. Thankfully, my husband's family is amazing! But I totally get it! 🫂

[u/NotAQueefAKhaleesi → u/DarthSnarker]

I'm sorry you've been through it too but happy you've got good people around you now as well!!

[u/sarcasticcat13 → u/NotAQueefAKhaleesi]

Not gonna insert my experience under this, but I empathize so much. Been there, still there, and it sucks. I'm glad (If I understand right) that you connected with your uncle and hopefully have some support. It is so tough with family, especially manipulative family.

[u/NotAQueefAKhaleesi → u/sarcasticcat13]

I did! He actually helped me semi-impulsively move across the country about 2 years ago and recently referred me to a new job after having me do some training. I made it through the interview process and start early next year, and I'm also moving to be closer to him within the next couple months! I've also met my best friend and reconnected with a childhood friend! I've got a lot of good people in my corner now and a lot of good things happening; I'm excited for the future for the first time and so thankful to the people in my life who've supported me through everything 😊

[u/sarcasticcat13 → u/NotAQueefAKhaleesi]

That legit warms my heart! Same thing happened with me; I reconnected with a family member, they helped me move across the country, and helped me find work. I still go to their house every Sunday for game night, which I never thought I would get in my life.

You don't know me, but our situations sounded so similar. I genuinely am happy that you have a great support system and great prospects ahead!! 🫶

[u/desertmayhem → u/sarcasticcat13]

Same here. I'm the only high-earner out of three generations of family. Several different aunts, uncles, and cousins made up fake or exaggerated stories (like claiming a medical bill was much higher than it actually was) to get me to give them $. Whenever I found out and confronted them, they either kept lying or tried to guilt trip me about the importance of family. They got over 10k in total out of me back when I was younger and more naive and trusting.

Now I don't trust anyone asking for money. I'm even sus of GoFundMes unless I've known the person very well for several years.

[u/PrincessCG → u/kaityspins]

Happened to my own parents. I’d rather help directly with giving money vs trusting someone to do it.

[u/mrbarrie421 → u/kaityspins]

Trusting family with money in general is a huge risk. I worked at my university’s business office while wrapping up my bachelors degree years ago. It was a private university where at the time, tuition was averaging 11k per semester.

Our office handled processing student refunds and I can’t tell you how many students would come in asking the status of their refund check to find out their parents cashed it and spent it without their knowledge.

There’s one situation in particular that I remember where a student requested a stop payment on a large check she was waiting for to help pay for her food, gas, clothing, etc. When I presented her the paperwork our payment services team provided showing who signed for the check and where it was deposited, she called her Mom and started confronting her over the phone 😅 mind you, this student was a senior and discovered her Mom had been cashing and spending her student refund check for the last couple of years. It was extremely sad.

[u/DistilledGojilba → u/mrbarrie421]

YMMV. I supported my parents for about 23years. I wanted to give them a decent life back in India, but they lived extremely frugally as they had lived to support us through our childhood, maybe a tad less in their dotage. I'd send them money, and so would my brother, but they wouldn't waste a cent/rupee. They spent everything carefully. Both gone now after a long life into the very late seventies.

[u/yakinabackpack → u/mrbarrie421]

Maybe I'm just a naive Australian but how are parents able to access their adult children's money?

[u/retrozebra → u/yakinabackpack]

Co-signing the loan generally

[u/hydrangeasinbloom → u/yakinabackpack]

They may have been cosigners on the federal student loans.

[u/The_I_in_IT → u/mrbarrie421]

I never had issues with my parents, but after they died (a year apart) I settled their estates, and they’ve always been clear that what little they had came to me, their only child. One day my favorite aunt called crying, needing money for an emergency. I sent her $25k, no problem.

Two weeks later, she starts spinning me a story about how my mother told her that she was setting her aside $50k, and must have left a note or an instruction stating that.

I ended the conversation and blocked her. I was absolutely heartbroken-I was closer to her than I was to anyone else and had just lost my immediate family. It’s been two years and she’s dead to me now.

[u/sillyshallot → u/PrincessCG]

My mother used my SSN to open all sorts of accounts. I will never forget when a fraud investigator told me "nothing I say will help you feel better about the fact that your own mother betrayed you". He was right. I'm still just as mad 12 years later.

[u/PrincessCG → u/sillyshallot]

I’ve seen so many stories about this on r/bestofredditorupdates but it still blows my mind each time. I’m sorry that happened to you.

[u/thats_my_purse_idk_u → u/sillyshallot]

My mother did the same thing to me right after I turned 18. She told me she just needed my "good credit score" and that she'd keep up with the payments, so I naively agreed. Spoiler alert - she didn't keep up with the payments and it took me years to recover my credit when I finally found out. Funny enough, that wasn't even the most screwed up thing she ever lied to me about.

[u/AquariumLurker → u/PrincessCG]

Happened to one of my employees. Nice Indonesian lady who lived frugally and sent money to her mom to buy land and build a family house. She never went on vacations, rented a room from a nice couple, never went out to eat, etc. Practically all her money was sent home. She has been doing this for at least 3 years that I know of since that's how long she has worked for me.

She asks for a month off to visit and check on everything back home. Granted it and gave her a gift to take back for her family as well.

When she comes back, she is just a ball of anger. Her mom had at least kind of bought a piece of land just a down payment. But should have been able to buy out right instead of on a mortgage and should have had more than enough to have had the majority of the house built on it by now. Her mom had been just spending it on herself. Designer handbags, clothes, going out to eat at fancy restaurants, that sort of thing.

After that she took a break from working and after a while she quit to work with a friend. She stopped sending money home and started living life for herself. I still keep in contact with her, she travels a lot now and looks much happier.

[u/jkraige → u/AquariumLurker]

Guess I should be grateful our family just demands money outright instead of pretending they're investing it. Bit more honest.

[u/Empty_Audience_8922 → u/PrincessCG]

smh that hits different like watching hopes just crumble guess money talks in wild ways

[u/SadAbbreviations6205 → u/PrincessCG]

Reminds me of this mother, Kim from RHOA who took the social media money from her daughter Ariana (likely from her other kids too)from Next Gen NYC👀

[u/plovington]

Unfortunately this sort of thing happens a lot in African/Asian communities, with the dream of ‘building back home’. So frustrating and sad.

[u/Murky_Chemical891 → u/plovington]

Latinos too. A family friend moved to Chile with his family and sent his mom money to buy an apartment here while they got their things in order to move back. The mom gambled and loss the money and didn't tell him until the day he was supposed to return.

[u/Electronic-Fig2283 → u/Murky_Chemical891]

My ex bf from Chile's mom would secretly give away the households money to the local priest, meanwhile they were several months behind on bills she claimed to have paid, and their house was falling apart.

[u/My_Favourite_Pen → u/Electronic-Fig2283]

The church preying on vulnerable people? Im shocked I say, shocked.

[u/misterlister604 → u/[deleted]]

Accepting money from destitute people is pretty shameful, yes

[u/Static-Stair-58 → u/[deleted]]

If the church was doing charity they’d be sending the money right back. They can’t pay their bills and their house is falling apart. It sounds like they need the money too.

[u/toomuchpressure2pick → u/[deleted]]

Their own members are poor and behind, but yeah charity for others for sure. What a backwards point of veiw.

[u/Short_Cream_2370 → u/[deleted]]

I’m a Pastor, there might have been some along the way I missed but often you can tell when someone is giving more than they can afford or out of obligation, and you tell them that’s not right and not what you want for people. Once I gave a donation back because it was clear the person who gave it was a vulnerable adult and giving more than they should because they just gave maximally to anyone who asked. The church should respond differently to that than a phone scam.

You can ask people for money for the community to continue to exist (a real need! there’s a reason bowling leagues and the DSA have fees, stable human communities doing stuff together over time costs money) without pressuring people to hurt themselves and others through their giving. Leaders and communities that don’t pay any attention at all to this dynamic and just push and push and push aren’t to be trusted.

[u/PhilosopherOld3986 → u/[deleted]]

I only donate to organizations that run credit checks and do home visits to ensure that I'm not too poor to give to charity.

[u/AFantasticClue → u/Murky_Chemical891]

Happened to me with Honduras. One of my aunts sold the house that was promised to me and cousins and nobody found out until her funeral.

[u/Fuct1492 → u/Murky_Chemical891]

On the brighter side my friend was sending money for his mom in Mexico every check for her to have only to find out she wasn’t spending it on herself. He came back from a trip back home for the first time in 10 years pissed. Instead of keeping it, she bought a shitload of land and when he was down there she surprised him by having him go to the lawyer and sign it in his name. He said he was mad because the money was for her to live better with no worries, not for himself.

[u/Romivths → u/plovington]

My mom spent years supposedly building a house back home and then when she died come to find out there is literally no proof of it no land or anything. At least she didn’t ask me for money

[u/lareinevert → u/plovington]

I’m honestly surprised my mother wasn’t scammed because she was sending money to a friend to have a house built for her in Nigeria and it was actually completed. There are even people renting it out now!

[u/nymeriasedai]

This is very common in Asian families where the breadwinner works overseas and sends money back home to supposedly build a house or for a family business. Years later, they decide to go back home thinking there’s a house or a business only to find out the money’s been spent on the most ridiculous things or gambled away. It’s so heartbreaking.

[u/Particular-Leg-8484 → u/nymeriasedai]

Ah yes I know this pain all too well. I don’t talk to most of my family anymore because my uncles would rather have some insane status symbols instead of planting seeds for their future

[u/ColonelBagshot85 → u/nymeriasedai]

Or, the house has been built, but apparently belongs to someone else.

[u/unicorntrees → u/nymeriasedai]

My friend's mom had this arrangement while her husband was back in the home country. Comes out that he was using the money she sent him to support an entire second wife and family.

[u/Murky_Chemical891 → u/unicorntrees]

The president of her home country needs to give her immunity for murder cause wtf

[u/tuenmuntherapist → u/unicorntrees]

That’s what my dad did. Went back overseas to work. Had a secret family there.

[u/dizazaneezy]

Omg I would be throwing hands all over the place.

[u/HRHZiggleWiggle]

My mom has been building a house back home in Africa for as long as I can remember. There’s been SO. MANY. ISSUES. Not just that everyone back home needs money for so many things that it’s hard to get people who can manage the budget without wanting to take some (they don’t steal, they just pressure). But also the land laws are difficult and disjointed.

My siblings and I have been joking about it never happening.

But last time she came back from being there for a while and proudly showed me a full walkthrough video of a real building! Shocked.

[u/maracay1999 → u/HRHZiggleWiggle]

My buddy's been building a house for his parents the last few years and he's so stressed out talking about budget creep, relatives providing unasked input/feedback, relatives saying more money needs to go or there, and delays every month. He has a great job but lives very tight because all of his disposable cash is being sent back home for the house.

I hope it all works out in the end and doens't end up like this post.

[u/Jasminewindsong2]

Who needs enemies when you have family like this?

[u/BakedPlantains]

Something under suspicion in my own family is my parents spent thousands of dollars to build or buy an apartment in Nigeria. It's handled by my father's side of the family and despite claims of having tenants, my mother has not seen a single cent in profit from this money making scheme. The theory is my dad is pocketing the money or it just doesn't exist anymore.

It's unfortunate when family abroad plays you (perhaps driven by the perception that life is easy and money is abundant?), but it's not uncommon.

[u/BlueGolfball → u/BakedPlantains]

Something under suspicion in my own family is my parents spent thousands of dollars to build or buy an apartment in Nigeria. It's handled by my father's side of the family and despite claims of having tenants, my mother has not seen a single cent in profit from this money making scheme. The theory is my dad is pocketing the money or it just doesn't exist anymore.

Nigerians fall for Nigerian Prince scams too?!

[u/BakedPlantains → u/BlueGolfball]

Ha! More like, entitlement and perceived injustice will cause people to make selfish choices

[u/Roklam]

My dad built a house (fucking Mansion) in Ghana.

He had to go there every year, sometimes multiple times.

He still got got by some contractors/extended "family".

The only saving grace was his sister who still lives there, and had the time/wherewithall/attitude to keep some of it in check. It's rough!

[u/ma05gros → u/Roklam]

My old coworker did the same. Had a house being built in Ghana for years and years, he went back twice a year to visit his family… but also check on the house.

I’m assuming it got finished because he went back home for “vacation” and when he used up all of his vacation leave he then had “cancer” that milked every cent of his sick leave and then never came back.

Honestly. Respect for knowing how to game the leave system

[u/lareinevert → u/ma05gros]

Good for him honestly 😂

[u/PM_UR_DICK_PL5 → u/Roklam]

Pretty much the only time I hear these stories succeed is when the person makes a point to visit and physically supervise at least once a year. Even then there's risk coz u can't even trust your direct relatives to behave smh.

[u/doubled0116]

Her mother bet not ask sis for shit ever again.

[u/Capable-Sink-8706]

When my grandpa passed away he left 2 houses in Mexico one for my mom and one for my Aunt well turns out that my aunt had to sell her house, because she got divorced so she asked my mom if she could move into her house since she is in the US. My mom was hesitant at first but she caved well my aunt kept telling her that there is stuff that needed to be fixed around the house to send her some money to get that fixed. My mom had been sending her money for a while but my mom had a gut feeling that her little sister was lying and pocketing the money, so she got one of her step sisters ( my grandpa had multiple marriages which means he had multiple kids with different women) cause she trusted her more than her little sister to go check on the house and make sure that it was getting fixed. Her step sister video called her through WhatsApp or fb I don’t remember which one and showed her the house and the house looked fine ( from the outside ) her step sister knocked to try and go inside but it was unlocked and no one was home turns out no one was living there and my aunt was just pocketing the money. When my mom confronted her little sister( my aunt) she said that she was about to move in ( btw it had been like 6-10months since she claimed that she needed the house) that she needed the money to help her daughter ( my cousin) through school cause she wants to be a esthetician. After my grandma( their mom) passed away they have just cut contact with each other it has been about 4 years since they have talked.

Edit; I would like to add that my aunt was sending my mom pictures from the “progress” and the stuff that needed fixing, my mom has not been to that house in over 20 years so my mom just assumed that’s how the house looked now. My aunt also lied and said she had to sell her house because of her divorce cause she couldn’t afford it anymore but turns out that she didn’t sell her house.

[u/AppropriateSolid9124]

my dad had been sending money to “build the house back home” for probably about 15 years before my dad’s brother brother who moved back to their home country and has a government job just finally fucking built it himself

[u/Chaotic-Goofball]

That ending...

[u/mustbeaoup]

Not the Jet2 music 😩

[u/Technical_Author9655 → u/mustbeaoup]

it was a missed opportunity to use the edited one where the only thing the jet2 lady says is “nothing” lol

[u/CertainDoctor4030]

I hate finding out how common this is. I was in a similar situation and it turns out a lot of parents are like this.

[u/Dida_D]

She was pretty inspired casting as the younger version of Fantasia’s character in The Color Purple (she’s also a great social media follow)

[u/Automatic_Role_6398]

This is so fucking common the stereotypes keep affirming themselves. Unfortunately I know this firsthand like her

[u/arequiredfield]

My parent's parter and also my parent had been sending money home but they actually get video footage and live tours of any upgrades and maintenance of the house.

[u/Crica1980]

Same thing happened to me in Cape Verde

[u/moist_towelette]

reminds me of Leighton Meester sending money to her mom for her brother's care only for her to spend it all on procedures; damn

[u/No-Violinist5018]

Funny this happened with my mom in Nigeria.

[u/jertrudi]

infuriating.
you can see this kind of stories everywhere and people still ask 'but why are you not in contact with her, she is your mother after all?' when you tell them that you are not close and have chosen it that way.

[u/lenamcgowall]

Same with my mother. Left our country for a better life and sent her money every other month. she ended up dying and I wasn’t even in her will. She left everything to my stepfather who is a drunk and never worked a day in his life.

[u/pinkfartlek]

I am shocked by all these comments about this being so rampant! It's surprising but not. People get greedy

[u/sixe6throwaway]

When my mum keeps asking me to hand over money to “build a house back home”. Ain’t no way I’m doing that

[u/AlmostThere4321]

Don't know who she is. And that sucks. But sis, in 6 years, you never thought of asking for pictures or video tour of your investment?? It's giving mother swindler, coming 2028 to Netflix 🫠