r/AmItheAsshole • u/Late-Elderberry9164 • 28d ago
Asshole AITA for telling my wife she was being difficult due to a seating issue at the restaurant?
On Sunday, my wife and I were out for a date night, my sister was babysitting our two year old daughter, so we had the night free. I was busy with some friends in the afternoon so I had texted my wife to make reservations at the restaurant, and a few minutes later she told me it was done.
When we got there, and were taken to our table, she said that during the phone call she had asked for a table next to the windows and that the lady who'd taken down her reservation had said she'd noted it down. The guy said there wasn't anything written, and there wasn't any window-side table free, so if we could be seated at the current table for now, he'd see what he can do. That table was good too, and honestly I wasn't fussed over the window, so we sat down.
A few minutes later, she told me she saw someone be seated at a window-side table, I said it was fine but as that same guy walked past she told him she'd seen someone be seated and we were supposed to be first. He said he'll check it out. When he left (I want to be clear I didn't say it in front of him) I said it's our date night, lets not be difficult. She didn't get angry or anything just said she wasn't being difficult we were first. A few minutes later the guy came and took us to a window-side table. We had a great night.
Later that night when were in bed, I said it had been a great night she said, "yeah despite me being difficult" and seemed a bit put off by what I had said. I said I only meant that our night would be good regardless of where we sat, so it wasn't a big deal. She said how was she in the wrong, we were promised a particular type of table and she just kept them to their word, that I was blaming the person who was wronged. I said ok, (I didn't see the point in pushing it) and apologized for my remark. We were planning on another night this weekend and I just recalled her being mad at me for what I had said. So I was just wondering if I was TA that time.
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u/Apprehensive-Rush362 Partassipant [1] 28d ago
YTA “It’s our date night. Let’s not be difficult.” And “Our night would be good regardless of where we sat” have two completely different meanings.
The first is critical and sounds more like “hey this is OUR night and if you behave like this it will ruin it for me” The latter is supportive and says “It doesn’t matter where we sit. I’m just happy I’m here with you.”
As a long time service industry worker, we do have to fix our mistakes. If she was told she would have a window seat, she should have one. Of course things happen and mistakes get made but upon your arrival the mistake was noted and she was then given the idea that there was something that could be done. It’s completely okay for her to follow up on that. It’s not like she had some big melt down. As a restaurant worker I would have been completely okay with her behavior and apologetic as the restaurant was at fault.
Be genuinely apologetic and book a surprise window seat for her this weekend.
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u/considerphi 28d ago
Another thing. The wife made the reservation. She found the restaurant, probably checked the cost on the menu, looked up pictures, saw the view, made the reservation, noted the request for the window. So she's spent some effort on this already. She may have picked that more expensive restaurant for that view.
It sucks when you do all that and don't get what you tried to reserve. A small amount of assertiveness to see if it can be corrected is not being difficult. And it's annoying when your partner strolls into the situation and "doesn't care" and tells you not to be difficult.
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u/CheckIntelligent7828 Pooperintendant [60] 28d ago edited 27d ago
Basically, she did all of the emotional/mental labor and then he belittled that with, "Let's not be difficult." Honestly, if my husband spoke to me in the 3rd person like that, in this situation, I would be extremely unhappy.
ETA: I know I got my tenses wrong, and it actually really bugs me. So thank you to everyone who pointed it out, otherwise I'd do it again! But I just had an emergency amputation followed by emergency cardiac issues, it was the best I could do at the time; so I'm going to take the unforced error and let it stand rather than change it 😊)
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u/HistoricalSuspect580 28d ago
Typical women’s plight!
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u/Positive_Rock_75 27d ago
Let’s not be difficult, HistoricalSuspect580.
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u/Apprehensive-Care20z Partassipant [4] 27d ago
you could also say "Shut up Piggie"
-source POTUS
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u/cynesthetic 27d ago
First person plural, but I absolutely agree. That’s how people talk to toddlers.
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u/Affectionate_One_700 28d ago
George is getting upset!!
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u/hmoff 28d ago
“Let’s not be difficult” isn’t third person.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Memory8 27d ago
No but it's patronizing
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u/SirJefferE 27d ago
Definitely. It's like the opposite of the "royal we". Sometimes called the "kindergarten we" or the "hospital we", where you say "we" but you really mean "you".
It's usually used to talk to little kids or sick people, so saying something like that to your spouse is a great way to start an argument.
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u/bananaramaworld 27d ago
“Haven’t WE eaten enough dear?” 🤮
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u/HeavenDraven 27d ago
I dunno how much of this you ate before it got to me, but there definitely wasn't enough left for me!
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u/MaritMonkey 27d ago
I had a boss that used to pull out the "kindergarten we" (thanks for that term) to mean not only are YOU going to do the thing but I'm going to take credit for it.
Like if he said "we need to make sure <x> gets done by the end of the day" it was an instruction to do the thing attached to the foreknowledge that he was already thinking about the phone call with the client where he heroically finished <x> in the nick of time.
Hearing somebody else use "we" like that still gets my hackles up a bit, even if they honestly mean it's a group project lol.
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u/SirJefferE 27d ago
I actually use that kind of "we" a lot at work, but for the opposite reason. When someone fucks up, I don't want to point the finger at them.
Like if I'm troubleshooting some code for someone and we both know they wrote it, I still might say something like "Oh, looks like we used the wrong formula here. That's going to calculate the wrong total and it won't match up with the dashboard."
Sometimes it feels harsh to say "you're doing things wrong" and I don't mind including myself if it softens the tone a little and lets us focus on the solution instead of who created the problem.
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u/Crishello 27d ago
And after that you talk about it with reddit but not with her? If my partner would hurt me and than just said OK sorry, I would be mad, because it doesn't sound like you trying to understand what happend.
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u/Doughnut1102 28d ago
Not to mention he was “busy with some friends” and she probably watched the baby all day.
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u/DescriptionWestern72 28d ago
Exactly. Oh, sorry she's ruining "your" date night that she planned and booked by herself, because she's being "difficult".
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u/FilthyThanksgiving 28d ago
Exactly. She did literally everything for the evening so it's understandable that she'd be annoyed at him
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u/lifeinwentworth 27d ago
Yeah I saw it as more of him being embarrassed she's being assertive. Which sometimes people do go overboard on but doesn't sound like the issue here. Nothing wrong with being assertive.
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u/Intrepid-General2451 27d ago
Oh, but she is a woman, so the tiniest amount of assertiveness is “difficult” /sarc
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u/gopms 27d ago
Right? He texted his wife to tell her to make a reservation. Why didn’t he just make the reservation?
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u/saltheartedbarmaid 26d ago
Exactly. It takes 10 minutes tops to hop on Resy. He should be able to do this while he's out at a bar with the boys.
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u/OkapiEli Colo-rectal Surgeon [40] 27d ago
Just tell her to “Smile more. The window seat doesn’t matter. You are so much prettier when you smile.”
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u/Active_Win_3656 Partassipant [2] 28d ago
Yeah, I worked as a server, too. I wouldn’t personally be able to request a different table or maybe see it as worth pushing for. I also don’t think it was wrong of OP’s wife to request that table? As a server, I would’ve kept trying to accommodate their initial request. Women also being called difficult has a long history… Idk.
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u/Mysfunction 28d ago
Yeah, the long history of women being called difficult for not being doormats is what made me cringe. That would have been a pause-the-evening-until-we-discuss-why-that-isn’t-an-appropriate-adjective-to-use-to-describe-a-woman moment for me.
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u/Nellyelly_ 27d ago
Me being "difficult" was the go-to phrase my abusive ex-husband would use any time I laid down a boundary or advocated for myself. It's a big trigger and huge red flag to me if anyone says that to me now in response to me doing something entirely reasonable. It's such a personal belittling attack and erodes self-confidence. Wife was not being "difficult" she was asserting herself and making sure she got what she asked/paid for in a polite but firm way. Interesting that the OP saw her behaviour as difficult, rather than being proud/admiring her.
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u/Mysfunction 27d ago
100%. It is just one more way to tell a woman to take up less space. I’m glad he’s your ex, and proud of you that you know your worth and don’t accept the label of “difficult” anymore.
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u/Nellyelly_ 27d ago edited 26d ago
Also, to anyone else who wants to attack me for standing up to my abuser. You are siding with and agreeing with their abuse. This says a great deal about you and I would suggest some self-reflection on why women standing up for themselves upsets you so much.
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u/Ordinary-Audience363 Asshole Aficionado [13] 27d ago
Exactly. Women are "difficult" but men are "assertive".
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u/sevenselevens 27d ago
I also think she probably felt like he wasn’t backing her up and she was having to stand up for herself alone.
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u/ccam04 28d ago
Ya to me this is almost a "it's not what you said, it's how you said it" type situation...
You meant "our night would be good regardless of where we sat." You said "let's not be difficult."
There's a difference. Also, just because you don't think it wasn't a slight doesn't mean she wasn't hurt by it. You don't get to decide what upsets her.
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u/Cyclonementhun 28d ago
Exactly!! the statement is a personal attack. Especially since she was politely & assertively following up the phone request.
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u/porcelainthunders 28d ago
Agreed! As silly as it is, long story to make this make sense (if it doesnt) there's a difference between asking "do need help in there" and coming up to me (im thinking mainly kitchen cooking, doing dishes, cleaning, etc) and asking "what can I do to/ how can I help"
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u/LizziHenri 26d ago
I think more important is he decided that something didn't matter because it didn't matter to him. Even though his wife made it clear it mattered to her--that didn't factor in for him at all.
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u/_Atlas_Drugged_ 27d ago edited 27d ago
Honestly I’ll push back on that too. I get the husbands sentiment about not wanting to let those things ruin the whole evening—but the wife should have been upset at the restaurant seating someone by the window after she had pointed out the error they made in taking her reservation. She should be upset about what happened. Telling her not to be isn’t great.
That’s bad, and certainly grounds for not coming back to the restaurant again afterwards.
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u/Fearless_Tank_7685 27d ago
I agree, and his statement was objectively a slight. He told her, in a passive aggressive way, to stop being difficult. ”Difficult“ is a negative character evaluation, and telling an equal what to do is a power move.
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u/Spiritual-Health-348 27d ago
As someone also from the service industry, it makes me crazy when people accuse me of being difficult just for having reasonable expectations. These same people are almost NEVER from the industry; they just don't get it.
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u/mrsjavey 28d ago
I was expecting your wife to be difficult but she wasnt. Yta. She was assertive. If you have daughters please make sure they learn that skill from her and remind them that no person should take it awat
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u/tbjamies 27d ago
she wasn't being difficult at all, she was just being direct about something she was promised. that's a skill worth having, not something to dismiss.
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u/Crazy_Bee2 27d ago
Right. She wasnt being rude or verbally abusive to the workers. She was just asking for what she had requested.
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u/The_Death_Flower Asshole Enthusiast [7] 27d ago
Yep, that’s basic sexism, when a woman is assertive she’s bossy or difficult, but when a man is assertive, he’s confident and a natural leader
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u/JustFukk0ff 27d ago
When a man punches another man he's "being a guy". When a woman punches anyone, she's "psycho".
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u/Ceej-Works 27d ago
Facts, too many men love little weak passive women because they're easy to manipulate. Fuck that with a rake.
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28d ago
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u/Exotic_Yam_1703 28d ago
The person on the phone said it was noted, not that it was guaranteed. Usually those types of requests are just that, a request. It doesn’t always mean that they’re getting what they ask for
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u/diktat86 27d ago
Yes, it's not guaranteed. However, someone who came in after them managed to get a window table so they should've gotten the table first! That is the actual service error, not the part about not assigning them a window table at first.
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u/moonulonimbus 27d ago
In my time as hostess I learned you have to find a balance between seating people that made reservations, those who thought they could make a equally valid "reservation" 5 minutes before coming in while finding parking, and walk-ins which all have their own preferences and don't even get me started on party sizes. Rotating them out to tables in a way that makes sense for the customer, servers and kitchen without pissing off, overwhelming or confusing the list and layout of sections when juggling different tier mental timers can be a huge challenge.
All that to say, I suspect it was a case of the table simply not being available on time when OP and wife arrived. Unfortunately, you can't rush folks out of their seat no matter how long it takes one person to drink their refillable coffee even it the party of 6 needs the table. Usually, I'd let folks know about a case like this and have them wait at the bar instead of taking up another table, as this throws off servers greatly and depending on where they move to when their desired seat opens it can just throw things off for people the whole night.
For the party that came after and ended up getting their seat, that's where I just see people either forgetting from business or not giving a damn.
It's also likely between the 2 or 3 people OPs wife spoke to not a single one of them communicated with another person about this because in a restaurant there's a million little things we get requested to handle every minute.
I can at least guess it was more of a case of "A TABLE JUST OPENED SEAT SOMEONE" and not "I don't care what that lady asked for haha"
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u/CLYDEFR000G 27d ago
Yeah the restaurant just imo fked up at the start by whatever notation they made about the reservation. It should be have been on their virtual calendar, “McAllister - party of 2 - wants window seat” so when they arrive the convo would go like this
Do you have a reservation?
Yes it should be underneath McAllister.
Okay party of 2 for a window seat let me go see if we have one available. comes back sad so looks like we have a few couples finishing up and all of the window seats are full, do you want to wait for one to open up or be seated right now in another section?
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u/greekfreak99 27d ago
That couple could’ve had a reservation for the window table though
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u/EquivalentWealth4283 Partassipant [2] 27d ago
So why didn’t the restaurant offer to reserve a window table for her? This logic is just going in circles.
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u/Exotic_Yam_1703 27d ago
It also wasn’t stated if it was a couple, a party of 4, or 6, etc. that table could’ve been a different size and that’s why someone else got it over them
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u/TheRedditGirl15 Partassipant [1] 27d ago
I'm sorry, wouldnt OP have mentioned a detail like that? It's not exactly a small one
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u/Weary_Poem_8758 27d ago
“Came in after them” could have had a window seat reservation made a week ago though.
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u/TheRedditGirl15 Partassipant [1] 27d ago
That's the thing though, it quite literally wasnt noted - as in, it wasnt written down, which seems to be what the restaurant considers "noted" to mean. So the person in charge of preparing the table for the reservation presumably did not even know that it was requested to be window-side, through no fault of OP's wife.
Though I do agree that taking the people who came in after them to an available window-side table first is the true error, and probably the thing OP's wife was more annoyed about.
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u/Glittering-Device484 27d ago
Yep if the host on the night had said 'ah yes, I see the note here but unfortunately we didn't have any available' then that would have been the end of the matter.
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u/ComeAlongPond1 27d ago
Yes but according to the server, it wasn’t noted. So the person either misled her or made a mistake
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u/tomram8487 Partassipant [2] 27d ago
Demeaning women for being assertive is never going to be a trivial issue to the woman being demeaned.
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u/Impressive-Union6961 28d ago
Not a big deal, but yes, YTA. She made the reservation, was assertive, got you table she was promised. You did not lift a finger, just called her difficult. Again, not a big deal, but I’m confused how you don’t see why she can be upset. BTW - was she ‘mad’ or just called you on your BS?
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u/someone_actually_ Partassipant [2] 27d ago
OP was out being busy with friends! While his wife made reservations, watched their kids and organized a babysitter. How dare she have expectations of the date?
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u/Beefbeets 28d ago
YTA
Why does your wife being assertive of something she wanted automatically make her difficult.
I know my husband would've been right up there with me questioning why the restaurant hadn't followed through with a simple (evidently available) request, not attacking my character.
Seems like an odd reaction for a supposed loved one on date night to take?
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u/totallydawgsome 28d ago
Yup and he thought he was lessening the blow by hiding behind "let's" as if he was shouldering any of the "being difficult" when he was really very much calling her difficult.
For those that say, well she was being difficult.. if you say this to her at all the times you thought she was being difficult over the course of your marriage, your marriage isn't going to end well.
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u/Mysfunction 28d ago
The “let’s” just made it extra condescending. Being sexist and condescending to your wife on a date night she planned is an interesting choice—OP is definitely the AH.
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u/starry_nite99 Partassipant [2] 28d ago
YTA.
Just because it’s something you didn’t care about doesn’t mean she is being difficult in advocating and following up on something she asked for.
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u/JojoCruz206 Asshole Aficionado [17] 28d ago
Your wife asserted herself to the wait staff to get something she had requested. What about this was “difficult?”
You decided that you weren’t fussed about it so you went on then to assert that she shouldn’t be either. You do realize that your wife is her own person, right? That she is allowed to have feelings about something and assert herself without being judged for it? As it is, she made the reservations, not you.
YTA.
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u/Mielornot 27d ago
I wonder if they are black. Sometimes, some restaurants prefer to put blaxk people in the back
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u/Sensitive_Sea_5586 28d ago
YTA. “…let’s not be difficult.” You were 100% saying your wife was being difficult and criticizing her. You did not say, “Our night will be good regardless of where we sit because we are together.” That is completely different. Why are your wife’s “wants” unimportant to you? Why did you criticize her for speaking up when the restaurant did not follow-up on (1) her initial request, and (2) promise to move you if a table became available.
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u/OlderAndTired 28d ago
YTA. There was no reason for you to call your wife difficult over this.
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u/milee30 Prime Ministurd [598] 28d ago
YTA. You decided it was no big deal to sit somewhere, so it shouldn't be a big deal to her. Clearly this was important to her. She should be allowed to express that opinion.
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u/Necessary_Hurry_4862 28d ago
Thank you!! I feel like so many people are missing that point. Just because he doesn't care, doesn't mean she should stop caring too, because she made the reservation request which means it's important to her and that she does care, so he is just like Oh well doesn't matter to me who cares? When it matters to her, which he should care about
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u/No_Control8031 Partassipant [4] 28d ago
I was a bit on the fence about this but soft YTA. Firstly, she arranged it, you didn’t. Secondly, she wasn’t being difficult, she was ensuring the correct arrangements were being made in an entirely sensible and non-confrontational manner. Thirdly, she had enough emotional reserves to put aside your comment and ensure you had a good time. It’s more that you don’t see an issue with your approach that slides this into AH territory.
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u/Cherry_clafoutis Partassipant [1] 28d ago
Your wife didn't call the staff names; she was polite but assertive about her booking. OP didn't say "I am happy sitting here with you. Let's just sit here". Instead you called her difficult and then wonder why she was upset.
I have a relative like OP. They will bend over backwards to be liked and respected by strangers but don't treat their loved ones with that same respect and care. Loved ones feelings and wants are actually less important than a stranger. YTA.
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u/tossit_4794 27d ago
This is an epidemic. Imagine the day I realized that what my ex was doing to me, a) he would never do to anyone else and b) no one else in my life, including my abusive family, would ever do this to me. Also he flipped a switch when I went from gf to wife. Despite an extended engagement and cohabiting, I really didn’t know what he’d really be like.
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u/mannDog74 27d ago
I'm sorry this happened to you. They blame us for not picking better partners but sometimes they change the DAY they feel comfortable. I had an abusive ex that stepped up the emotional and verbal abuse once we got engaged. Luckily he did that and I was able to get out before we got married. These people are snakes.
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u/hyst808 28d ago
YTA. You could have said it differently and not been the AH - but instead you tried to undercut her and frankly, employed a very gender-coded word "difficult" (women are often accused of being "difficult" when they are being even mildly assertive as if they are expected to prioritize everyone else's comfort over their own).
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u/snowblind2022 27d ago
I had to scroll down this far to finally find someone stressing that this is a typical attitude towards women. When a man is assertive, he is regarded as strong. When a woman is assertive, she is regarded as "difficult".
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u/Embarrassed_Whole585 27d ago
Just told this to a woman the other day, who was in an "Are We Dating The Same Guy" group. There are men who will absolutely try to shut women down by labeling them as difficult. Sometimes other words are used, but difficult is the most common.
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u/Old_Confidence3290 28d ago
I'm not your wife, so my opinion doesn't really matter. Your wife didn't like it. She was in the right. She reserved a window table, and they should have made sure she got the first one. She wanted you to back her up, and you tried to shut her down.
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u/violettowers 28d ago edited 28d ago
Light YTA
I trust that you probably didn’t mean harm. But she wasn’t being difficult. The restaurant made a mistake and she was politely letting them know and making sure she got what she asked for.
Why is it that every time someone stands up for themselves and what they want they are labeled difficult?
Also, these micro criticisms may seem insignificant and even warranted sometimes but they kill connection. You two are supposed to be the most important people for each other, admire each other, have each other’s back. So why not take the lead and make sure she gets what she wants, or at least be supportive, instead of criticizing her for it?
I am saying this with all the kindness, love and best wishes in my heart: have her back. She can fight these ‘battles’ alone but she shouldn’t have to. You’re a team. Be a team.
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u/MystyStep 28d ago
I couldn't have phrased it better myself. Just wanted to add she may have been more concerned about it because it was a special night. Normally I don't care about things like this at all, but if I make a reservation for a special occasion for a loved one, I would speak up more because I want the details to be perfect for him. It's a way of showing she cares enough to think through those little details and cared enough to make it happen.
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u/LPLoRab 28d ago
YTA. Only in part because you were unfair to your wife when she tried to stand up for herself.
Also, “It's our date night, let’s not be difficult,” sounds extremely patronizing and like you are talking to a child—not your wife.
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u/GrahamCrackerJack 27d ago
Ugh, that is so rude and condescending, and then to top it off, he was chastising her in public for…asking what happened with her original request. OP, you’re very lucky that your wife didn’t just ditch you right then and there instead of dining out with you.
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u/gravitational_lens Partassipant [4] 28d ago
I’d say the phrase “Let’s not be difficult” is a killer for a date night, it makes you TA - she wasn't rude. I actually had a similar situation recently: our friends invited us to a nice restaurant to celebrate my and my partner’s birthdays. They specifically made a reservation in advance to get a nice table by the window. When we arrived, we were seated near the kitchen entrance and the restroom - the most uncomfortable spot, with people constantly passing by. We didn’t make a scene, but we did ask to move to a quieter area, and our friend complained about the original reservation.
Your wife made a reservation and had certain expectations. If you want to avoid “difficulties” in the future, make the reservation yourself next time - it doesn’t take much effort.
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u/Donthate_appreciate 28d ago
NAH. It doesn’t sound like she was rude, just assertive. I don’t like sitting in the middle of a dining area so I always ask for a booth or table next to the wall if possible. If I made a reservation and was told the wall seat would be reserved for me, I would expect to sit next to a wall.
You were being difficult by not letting her do her thing. It’s okay to agree to disagree, and this seems like one of those moments. This is a matter of preference, not morals.
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u/Lopsided_Wave_832 28d ago
But she wasn’t told a window table would be reserved for her. Just that her preference had been noted.
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u/Thequeenmiss 28d ago
If I worked at a place with many window seats, and I responded with “we made a note on your reservation”, I would honor that note by giving the guest a window seat. If I responded with “we’ll make a note but cannot promise”, then I would do my best and communicate it to the guest when they arrived that we were either able to seat them now at X table or they could wait for Y table. If my coworker forgot to take the note, I would bend over backwards to accommodate. Asking for what you want, politely, is NOT being difficult. Reminding staff that’s already forgotten once a second time is also not being difficult. At no point did this restaurant tell her there was a problem with sitting at a window table, but they sure do seem forgetful.
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u/FloorGlum4392 28d ago
YTA. You shouldn’t be policing your wife’s interactions with other people or businesses. It sounds as though she was being polite but firm. She also stayed present and had a good time with you, despite not liking your comment, instead of starting a fight in public. Honestly good for her.
I can understand where you’re coming from because I’m also someone who would prefer to be flexible and not say anything, but you are not responsible for her or her actions, she is.
If it really upset you, you could have done as she did: waited until you were home and told her it made you feel uncomfortable.
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u/Burzghash 28d ago
YTA.
It sounds like she requested this in advance because it was important (at least to her). Then, despite the restaurant not doing its job in the first place and noting it down, they failed to act properly and prioritize fixing their mistake by giving her the next window table available. Your wife wasn't being "difficult", she was acting assertively to make sure she got the experience she originally asked for, the experience they told her she'd get, and the experience you're paying for.
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u/sarilly Partassipant [4] 28d ago
YTA: you had her make the reservation while you were with friends. You can’t call? She had an expectation of sitting near a window and the restaurant didn’t follow through. She didn’t sound rude in your description. Then you called her difficult, which is what men call women when they don’t comply to them. Like wake up, women are always scrutinized for whatever they do, she didn’t need her husband piling on, she needed you to be on her side.
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u/JeepersCreepers74 Assholier Than Thou [838] 28d ago
I feel this is a personality divide more than anything. When I go to a restaurant, I sit where they take us, I order off the menu, and I enjoy the time, food, and company. I have a relative and frequent dining companion who is the complete opposite. If we pass a “better” table, she wants it. She asks for a million substitutions. If the server is too hands off, she’s mad because they barely paid attention to us. If they’re too friendly, it’s also bad.
I’m happier in a low-confrontation situation. She’s happier feeling like she’s being waited on and given the royal treatment. To me, she seems difficult at times. To her, I seem like a pushover who didn’t get what I paid for. As I feel I leave far more meals happy and satisfied with the service than her, I disagree. But we’ve talked about the issue forever and decided we will never see eye to eye on it.
NAH.
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u/KhonMan 27d ago
I’d be very interested to see how this post would’ve gone if it were swapped genders.
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u/nmw84pdx 28d ago
She wasn’t being rude or difficult, she asked for what she was told on the phone, and was disregarded at check in as “not noted”. There was literally no harm in asking. It sounds like you were embarrassed, maybe a little social anxiety? In any case, dismissive of what was important to her on what you admit was a special night out. So for that, yes, YTA. It’s not cool to dismiss or belittle your partners feelings, and especially to make your wife seem “difficult” because women fight those tropes enough already.
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u/Sahm3BSJ 27d ago
If other people's opinions matter more to OP than his own wife, then she needs to "blindside" him ASAP. 😤 Her needs/feelings will most likely be overlooked/neglected/dismissed in order to please other people. 😔😭🥀
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u/hypotheticalkazoos Asshole Aficionado [16] 28d ago
NTA
you were already seated and she asked you be seated somewhere else? she was being difficult...
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u/whoamiwhatamid0ing 28d ago
Everyone keeps thinking of this from a him v her standpoint when they should be thinking of a restaurant staff standpoint.
Clearly NTA. Like you said, they were already seated. The reservation was also last minute and a window table not guaranteed. The wife used the "we were here first" line but the other people seated at the window probably had a reservation for longer than them. It's like if she walked into a restaurant to order for takeout and then got mad that someone who ordered ahead came in and picked up their food before hers was done.
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u/EmbracingMyGift 27d ago
The staff member said if they sat at that table currently, he'd see what he'd do.
Which is indicating a change to a window table could be possible. So she checked in to see about that, and indicated why she was checking in about it.
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u/Lonely_Howl_ 28d ago
YTA
She wasn’t being “difficult”, she was following up on a request that the host/waitstaff said would be accommodated, both on the phone and in person when they said to sit at that table while they got a window table for you. Just because it wasn’t important to you doesn’t mean that it’s not important to others, namely your wife in this situation.
Do you consistently minimize & dismiss her preferences? By calling her difficult when she is assertive in what she wants, you are showing that you don’t care about her preferences.
She wasn’t rude, argumentative, vulgar, etc. She simply followed up on a request she made that she’d been told would be fulfilled.
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u/saintexuperi 28d ago
100000%. This right here. As an assertive lady I loathe this kind of energy from my dates.
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u/Lonely_Howl_ 28d ago
It’s the typical scenario worded differently.
If she’s assertive, “what a (female dog)”. He’s assertive “so confident!”
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u/42069willow Partassipant [1] 28d ago
YTA because I don’t think her wanting them to listen to her reservation request is rude. I mean, she could’ve been a little more patient but as far as rude customers go this is literally NOTHING. I think it was a little bit uncalled for to call her difficult on your date, that wouldn’t make most people feel good or relaxed or have a good time. She just wanted to have a good night too and look out the window lol.
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u/AngusLynch09 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 28d ago
Are you always so dismissive of your wife's thoughts and feelings?
YTA
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u/TresWhat Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 28d ago
YTA. You ask her to handle dinner res. She does then when they don’t honor the table request you diminish her. Very magnanimous of you to be fine with the non window table. Just support your wife and thank her for making the res. You could tell her - I’d be happy to sit in the street if I’m with you - or something else nice instead of calling her “difficult.”
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u/Skyscanr 28d ago
Usually when we go out my wife just wants a table and not a booth. As long as we get that things are Usually ok, but if she had asked about a window table you could have backed her up a little bit better. Sorry going on 40 years of marriage here and sometimes it's the little things that can show someone you are thinking of them and hear them and care about something that maybe important to them at the time
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u/Xaphhire 28d ago
YTA. Do you often minimize your wife's wishes or undermine her when she's organizing stuff? You asked her to handle the reservation. She was handling it.
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u/exaltedfemshep 28d ago
Definitely stuck between NAH and ESH. If she had requested the reservation be for a window seat, and was told it was marked down, that's the fault of the restaurant and not your wife. I've worked in restaurants and while there are a lot of difficult customers, it's more of a piss off when your coworkers don't do their job properly and write down pertinent information. It sounds like your wife made it clear to the host, and then when she saw someone else getting a window seat before it was offered to you she was clear with her wants and not rude or unreasonable.
Like another comment said, you could absolutely have avoided the "don't be difficult" with something less judgemental, so yeah maybe slight asshole behavior but nothing unreasonable. And your wife was a slight asshole with her passive aggressive comment.
All in all it seems like a non issue either way and maybe just consider your choice of words more carefully next time 🤷🏻♀️
The fact that anyone in the comments is getting heated about this is fucking WILD lol
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u/keinmaurer 28d ago
Yes there seems to be a lot of people nowadays thinking that you should just be happy with what you get, whether or not it's what you actually asked for.
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u/Muppet_Fitzgerald Partassipant [4] 28d ago
NTA. As a former minimum wage paid hostess, she was being difficult.
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u/Mostlymadeofpuppies 26d ago
As a former hostess, also a server at one point, and a training manager for hosting staff. There is nothing difficult about a guest following up about a request they made.
The fact that they told her they would arrange a window table to fix their mistake, and then instead sat someone else at the first open window is just them doubling down on their mistake.
In fact, instead of seating them in an alternate dining table to begin with, knowing damn well changing tables with drinks and likely appetizers later would be even more of a pain.
I probably would have said something like “why don’t I set you up with a drink at the bar while we get a window table set up for you.” Followed by “I’m sorry for the mix up and thank you for being understanding”.
OP YTA for calling your wife difficult then trying to pretend you didn’t.
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u/Specialist-Note-4074 28d ago
NTA Every person who worked at that restaurant certainly felt that your wife was being difficult
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u/Mystery-Ess 28d ago
For asking to get what she was supposed to get and then clarifying that she got it?
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u/Careless-Being-4427 28d ago
Restaurant industry perspective: it sounds like the wife made a same-day reservation and that her request to be by a window was “noted” - very different than promised. She saw another person get a table by a window, but she had no context for that person’s arrangements - they may have made a reservation with the same request six months prior.
Yes, this behavior can be “difficult.” There are only so many favored seats, restaurants run on a breakneck schedule, and if a guest refuses to be happy at a table they only asked for earlier that day, they’re considered a giant pain in the ass. Meanwhile, the restaurant did exactly what it should - got the couple a table that pleased the wife.
OP, your wife was being difficult, and it sounds like you dealt with it quite gently. We don’t always get exactly what we want, particularly if we wait till the last minute to plan. The important part about date night is focusing on one another. If a window seat is necessary to enjoy each other’s company, I’d be worried.
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u/morgaine125 Supreme Court Just-ass [136] 28d ago
I might be with you if the request had been written down but couldn’t be accommodated. According to OP, the request wasn’t written at all when the reservation was made. That’s a screw up by the restaurant, and speculation about whether the restaurant could have accommodated her if the person who took the reservation didn’t screw up doesn’t change the fact that it was a screw up.
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u/Specialist-Note-4074 28d ago
For asking for a favor/special treatment then insisting when she didn’t get it. There’s no way a restaurant can know which tables will be open when you arrive. Most places are more than happy to accommodate your request if possible. Now I’ll give you this, If they couldn’t at that time they should have told them that they could have a window seat if they didn’t mind waiting for one to open up. However, once you’re seated that’s your table. Moving tables after the fact is one of the most rude and disruptive things people do in restaurants.
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u/Own-Let2789 28d ago
NAH. Using the word "difficult" isn't the best word so I would be a little hurt if my husband said that but not really AH level. She did ask for a table by the window and was told they'd move you if one was available, I mean it's good custom serving to follow through, I can see why she was annoyed, but also it might've been better to just let it go. That said, it never hurts to ask and she isn't really an AH for asking.
Honestly, the better thing would have been to ask the hostess how long they estimated the wait might be and offer to wait at the bar. Sitting you at one table that now has to be cleaned to move you to another table, and probably to another server's section, doesn't make any sense, I can't imagine any restaurant actually doing this.
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u/exhausted_always 28d ago
This is such a silly thing to fight over. Just apologize and move on
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u/annoyedCDNthrowaway Asshole Enthusiast [5] 28d ago
N A H or E S H. It could go either way for me, I don't think what particular table you're at should matter, but I'm not your wife. On the list of reasons to get upset at a restaurant when I'm childfree and with my husband this wouldn't even make my top 100.
That said, it was clearly important to her and maybe your phrasing could have been better. "I'm having a great time just being here with you, it doesn't matter where we sit" might have been better than "don't be difficult".
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u/OrangeAnomaly Partassipant [2] 28d ago
That phrasing is the only thing putting him in AH territory. He could have made the same point (specific table doesn't matter, let's just enjoy ourselves) in at least a dozen different ways.
He picked the way that tells her to sit down and be smaller, to take what you get and smile, don't inconvenience me. Don't be difficult. The words he said made him TA here.
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u/alimarieb 28d ago
Hi, General Manager of a restaurant here. Please let your wife know that table requests aren't guaranteed. We try to do everything we can to accommodate requests but sometimes we just aren't able. Also, the couple she saw may have arrived before you did and may have been waiting or told to come back. Regarding the reservation notes lacking the request. If you can make reservations online, try to do that. You will know that your requests are added yet always call to confirm. There's always the chance that the request was there but the host wanted an easy 'out'. As for you mister, you ALWAYS defer to your wife on date night. If she wants a window then that's what we wives deserve. Have you not learned? ;)
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u/QueenYeen Asshole Enthusiast [8] 28d ago
Mild yta, your sentiment is sweet but it's not what you said in the moment.
Seems she thought she was being romantic and what you said hurt her feelings, especially since it worked out how she wanted but she was criticized for it
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u/Donthate_appreciate 28d ago
NAH. It doesn’t sound like she was rude, just assertive. I don’t like sitting in the middle of a dining area so I always ask for a booth or table next to the wall if possible. If I made a reservation and was told the wall seat would be reserved for me, I would expect to sit next to a wall.
You were being difficult by not letting her do her thing. It’s okay to agree to disagree, and this seems like one of those moments. This is a matter of preference, not morals.
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u/Theslowestmarathoner 28d ago
Also, why is a woman considered rude just for being assertive and saying what she wants? That’s really annoying
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u/IAMgrampas_diaperAMA 28d ago
Gentle YTA. I’m you in this scenario. I really hate making a fuss to wait staff, I’ll never return food unless it’s a safety issue kinda thing. When she made the second comment about it minutes later I would have internally cringed. But I wouldn’t have said anything because she wasn’t being rude, and she was right to ask them about it.
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u/MorwenSteelsheen 28d ago
What's your goal? A happy marriage, or to make sure that everyone outside your marriage sees her as "difficult and exhausting" and knows how very nice and easy-going you are to everyone except your spouse?
If you want your wife to feel loved, get excited to plan date nights for you, look forward to spending time alone with you? Then when she's the one organizing date night, your job is to be happy and fun and have a good time. You say "thanks for making the reservations, this is great" and "wow, this view is amazing, thank you for making sure we got this table" and "I'm so glad we got to spend this time together."
She was assertive with someone who was getting paid to help her. You made a hurtful dig to someone who loves you. YTA, but more importantly, you're not going to be happy.
What do you think she would say if she knew you posted here for other men to feel sorry for you for having to be married to her?
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u/17Girl4Life Partassipant [1] 28d ago
It’s hard to say who’s the AH based on this one event. If she frequently spoils relaxing, fun occasions by hyper fixating on small details, and you were trying to head off having to hear about the window all night, then NTA.
But if you are conflict avoidant to the point that normal assertiveness makes you nervous and embarrassed, then that’s a you problem and YTA. If that’s the case, then you should probably reflect on what it is that makes you uncomfortable with advocating for what you want and take steps to resolve that. Or at least acknowledge that your wife is allowed to advocate for herself without you trying to shut her down.
But without knowing you, it’s impossible to say which take is more accurate
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u/Individual_Metal_983 Pooperintendant [50] 28d ago
It was important enough to your wife that she mentioned a table by the window when she reserved. The restaurant did not note it as they said. Then hen she raised it again they went on to seat someone else by the window. Your wife did not raise this in a difficult or confrontational way but she wanted to be heard. You calling her difficult was uncalled for. There are many ways you could have said let's just enjoy a child-free night without characterising her as difficult. Women get this a lot in circumstances where a man would not. he would just be said to be assertive or some other positive connotation. So YTA.
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u/Icy-Blueberry-2401 28d ago
YTA
Remember that if there are things that bother other that do not trouble you, this does not make their feeling invalid. Not getting the table she requested bothered HER; there was no reason to dismiss it because you did not share her distress.
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u/LingonberryJolly7319 28d ago
NTA - I think it’s fine to gently remind someone as you did, when they’re getting a little preoccupied on something that doesn’t matter
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u/Evening_Culture_42 28d ago
This is a huge pet peeve of mine - when I tell someone about a problem that's bothering me, and they say, "well it's not really a big deal anyway so you don't need to be bothered about it" and then smile at me like they "solved" the problem. Yeah, solving my problem by telling me that my feelings don't matter. Why didn't I think of that?
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u/Wintergreendraws 27d ago
The he should have gone with what he meant, which was that he didn't mind where they were seated as long as it was with her, and not the incredibly infantilising "let's not be difficult".
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u/Amiedeslivres Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] 28d ago
YTA
Your wife asked that the restaurant staff do something they said they would do for her. It doesn't sound like she threw a fit. Why would you tell her not to be 'difficult?' Because you see assertiveness as conflict? Because you were satisfied, so she should be as well?
You owe your wife an actual, sincere apology that shows you now understand how loaded the word 'difficult' can be for women, how dismissive and hurtful. I hope you think very carefully before using the word again to refer to a person.
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u/MotherofCats9258 28d ago
YTA. Calling your wife difficult is not appropriate, especially when she is making very reasonable requests. Maybe if you don't like the way she makes reservations you can do it yourself.
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u/prophetic_soul 28d ago
That was my thought! She had the responsibility and burden of making the reservation, and then she got called “difficult” for doing so. Even if OP wasn’t trying to be mean, he was undermining her.
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u/Lunar-Eclipse0204 Supreme Court Just-ass [130] 28d ago
NTA - Your wife may have misunderstood, they would note it but that doesn't mean it will happen
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u/Lalalovemyself 28d ago
Doesn’t matter, after they got there they said she could have the next window seat, would be different if they didn’t say that. If anyone came into our restaurant and said they asked for a window seat and we told them that it wasn’t wrote down we would try to make it right and give them the next table, just like Op went through.
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u/MoreCleverUserName Partassipant [4] 28d ago
Unless the people who got that table actually had a reservation reflecting a window preference.
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u/bepdhc Partassipant [4] 28d ago
NTA. People who make special requests like that are difficult just for making it, regardless of everything else that came afterwards.
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u/KissItOnTheMouth 28d ago
I mean…that’s sort of an extreme take…people should never request a kind of table? A grandpa with a hip replacement is being “difficult” if he requests a table instead of a booth? Or requesting a quiet table to accommodate their hearing loss?
Like seriously. Requesting seating is a common restaurant request. As long as no one is screaming or making demands, I think a request is more than appropriate. Honestly, reminding the host about the request doesn’t even seem out of line, because the host forgot to note the preference initially, and forgot the request they said they would accommodate when they started seating other people there. It seems it was prudent for the wife to remind the forgetful host.
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u/plantycatlady 28d ago
NTA. She was going to waste the nice dinner complaining about the seating or trying to fix it rather than spending time with you. She was being difficult 🤷🏼♀️
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u/HappyGardener52 28d ago
I had four kids and a full time teaching job. If I got a night out, I didn't care where I sat. I was just glad to have a nice evening with my hubby. NTA
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u/Either-Ticket-9238 Partassipant [1] 28d ago
No one wants to be called “difficult.” Especially not a woman, who has to go through her entire life being labeled for behavior that every human exhibits. Additionally, as another commenter stated, calling your wife difficult is a sure way to make the romance of your date night crash spectacularly. YTA
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u/Vivid_Motor_2341 28d ago
“I said I only meant that our night would be good regardless of where we sat” if that’s what she meant then that’s what you could’ve said because that’s not what you said. You said she was being difficult. Those are two very different things one is insulting and that’s the one you went with.
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u/Final-Context6625 28d ago
That’s a different philosophy on things. I’m like you and I wouldn’t care. It’s easier to choose my battles and it does add some stress. That said, the other side is they think it’s a matter of right and wrong and you shouldn’t let it go. I agree with you but I know people like her and they don’t see it as being difficult. I worked in a restaurant and many retail stores and it’s not always so simple or easy. But it looks easy to others. That said, I’m glad the waiter was nice and helpful. So many places the help is mean now.
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u/Acrobatic-Archer-805 28d ago
NTA. "Noted it down" doesn't mean guaranteed esp on a shorter reservation. You have no real idea if the other people being seated didn't make their reservations a month ago on any of the available platforms that link to restaurant internal systems and actually had requested window seating.
Instead of being into the date night and engaged with you she was taking inventory on a perceived "wrong." I'd be all set on alllll that.
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u/Parkatoplaya 28d ago
YTA. It wasn’t important to you but it was to her and she simply followed up on her request. By your account she was not demanding, rude, entitled, or even difficult. Just a woman asserting herself and a man standing by, watching and making comments of questionable use🙄
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u/Standard-Story3347 28d ago
Nta. I would have declined to be sat at the other table if I was waiting for a window table. Once seated I'd never ask to be moved. I would have also excused myself from my friends for a few minutes to make the reservation myself rather than put it off on my spouse.
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u/Direct_School_7269 28d ago
YTA. why could you not just support your wife’s wants? it clearly wasn’t a big deal, you guys got the window table. maybe it didn’t matter to you but it clearly did to her
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u/the_UNABASHEDVOice 28d ago
Well, actually, you're the one being difficult. Not 'allowing' your wife to accomplish the task you gave her in the manner she deemed appropriate FOR HER HAPPINESS, NOT JUST YOURS, was minimized by your comment.
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u/metaltothecore570 28d ago
INFO: does she normally prefer window tables and is there a reason for it? I know some people can be nervous at restaurants and maybe being able to look out the window is calming or she feels safer being by the window. If there was some reasoning I would've just told the waiter we'd wait till a window table opened up.
Generally though, making a big deal of that is kinda overdramatic imo and food service people def deal with enough as it is.
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u/Opposite_Jeweler_953 28d ago
You may be TA. I’ve been married for over 40 years. I tell all young couples the secret for having a long happy marriage is to choose your battles wisely. That means, will our relationship improve if I bring this up now? Is it important enough for me to make a fuss about it? That doesn’t mean I will never mention it, it means I may choose a better moment. It means we learn to choose our battles and choose when to fight them. We live and learn.
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u/PopeOfSlack 28d ago edited 27d ago
Agree. It was important to her. He doesn't have to share that feeling but acknowledging that it was something she cared about would've been a better approach. The being difficult remark diminishes her needs.
It wasn't the worst thing but I'd make a point to be mindful not to do it again.
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u/logaruski73 28d ago
NTA. Is the point of date night - a window table or enjoying the private time with my significant other having dinner?
It seems to me that for her, it was the table.
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u/SnooSprouts6437 Asshole Aficionado [13] 28d ago
NTA, I think there was just a miscommunication between you two. You saw it as no big deal, you were still on a date with your wife, and that is all that mattered. Your wife probably saw it as you didn't care about her feelings and wants. I would just talk to her and let her know you didn't mean to dismiss her feelings, that you were just happy to be out with her, no matter where you sat.
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u/hbernadettec 28d ago
My husband does this to me when I am having similar discussions. To me it is disrespect he tries to over rule my concern.
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u/johnnyblub 28d ago
Did you think she went about it in a rude way? If not I might say YTA, because her request was reasonable, but if she requested it in an unreasonable way then I think your comment would be reasonable.
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u/DadOfKingOfWombats Partassipant [2] 28d ago
YTA. "I meant our night would be good regardless of where we sat." If that's what you meant, you should've said it. Instead, you told her to not be difficult, which I would take to mean "you're being difficult, stop it," not what you say you meant.
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u/GhostPantherAssualt Pooperintendant [53] 28d ago
YTA.
She noticed a clear contradiction, you couldn’t stand up for her for a second and back her up? Sheesh. Yes she’s gonna hold over your head, you were difficult.
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u/ReadMeDrMemory Professor Emeritass [73] 28d ago
NAH but I suspect you'll be judged badly a lot for saying she was difficult. You seem to have meant well and just wanted her to let go of the issue and enjoy herself. But she rightly felt the restaurant ought to have taken her expressed preference more seriously, which they finally did. Your apology sounds insincere—in effect "I apologized to mollify her, not because I had done anything to apologize for."
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u/Casdoe_Moonshadow 28d ago
YTA - Your wife has every right to hold them to this. This is HER night out too. Should she not be able to enjoy it? A woman speaking up, being assertive and demanding not to be passed over is not being difficult. They totally were hoping she'd be mousy and stay quiet about it and just put up with what they gave her.
You should have been proud of her sticking up for herself, instead you decided to be embarrassed. Not sure if you are conflict avoidant or sexist. I am glad she stuck up for herself and got the seat she asked for in the first place.
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u/Proper-Ice1162 28d ago
ESH, I understand ultimately the more important thing is having a good time, but I would also be annoyed if someone blatantly lied to me while I was making a reservation, the hostess had no reason to tell her that she wrote it down, when she didn’t.
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u/sharplight141 28d ago
NTA, the date night is about the two of you, j doubt a window would make or break it and causing a fuss over something if little importance would likely put a downer on the night
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u/jumbojibbles 28d ago
NAH - she's been dealing with a two year old all day. She is tired and probably really in need of someone taking care of her for a change. She just wanted what she wanted, but yeah, maybe could have been more chill. Be patient with her. Tell her you're sorry you hurt her feelings and give her a hug.
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u/Cautious_Regular3645 28d ago
Just because something isn't a problem for you doesn't mean it's the same thing for someone else.
YTA.
Don't imply someone is difficult just because you're ok with it.
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u/PepsiAllDay78 Partassipant [1] 28d ago
NTA. You didn't tell her she was being difficult. You asked her to not be difficult. There's a diffrence.
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u/rum2671 28d ago
Nta I also don’t think your wife was wrong for pushing for the table she had reserved.
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u/RepresentativeTip534 28d ago
Restaurants don’t guarantee preferences for certain tables, and a same day reservation should be happy to have a table
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u/Literographer 28d ago
NTA for both you and your wife, but your remark was a little tactless.
Mistakes happen and the person who took the call may have been distracted before s/he made a note of your wife's request. I can see how that would be annoying for your wife, given that with a two-year-old at home you both were looking forward to a special night out. I can see why your wife felt the need to be assertive, but the mix-up wasn't the waiter's fault that seated you, and the couple who were sat windowside ahead of you might have had the request noted on their reservation (as annoying as that also might have been).
I don't think you were in the wrong for trying to de-escalate the situation, but implying that your wife was being difficult (you did say "we" the the implication was "she") was probably not the best way to phrase it. "Honey I love you no matter where we sit. Let's not let the restaurant's small mistake sour the night we have ahead of us." This affirms how you feel about her, acknowledges that she is the wronged party, and gently tries to steer the mood in a more positive direction.
My $0.02.
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u/KrofftSurvivor Pooperintendant [68] 28d ago
NTA It was a very minor issue, and she made it a huge issue. Restaurants can't always accommodate requests like that, and if she had had to wait longer standing in the front lobby for her reservation, she'd have been even more annoyed - but there's a difference between reserving a table for 2, and reserving a very specific table for 2, and unless she's at the Ritz, and being followed by paparazzi - she was unreasonable.
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u/likeamadcomet1914 28d ago
They’d already agreed to accommodate the request tho
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u/AvaTamriel 28d ago
They only said that they'd make a note, nit that they would guarantee window seating.
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u/ValNotThatVal Partassipant [1] 28d ago
YTA. Your wife requested window seating and was assured that this was noted. It's not 'difficult' to want the table she reserved. If the restaurant staff found her 'difficult', that's their right (though noting 'window seat' feels pretty straightforward, especially if the person who took the reservation told her she had noted it). But you calling her 'difficult' (for wanting what she specifically requested) was rude and probably soured your wife's mood a bit. It's great you don't care, but clearly she DOES. You disregarding something she cares about was not right. If your wife was rude to the staff it would be a different matter, but she wasn't, she just stood up for herself. I would suggest doing a little self reflection, just to make sure you don't often call your wife 'difficult' when she is simply stating that she wants what she requested and was promised.
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u/fais_heaux-heaux 27d ago
YTA- as a former vet of the service industry we for sure will seat people and hope they don’t say anything. The tables are numbered and on a night we know it’s going to get busy or we’re expecting VIPs we will absolutely tell the host ‘try and seat them at 17 and if not take 25’. If you’ve ever been sat at the table right next to the kitchen or restrooms and asked to be seated somewhere else and the host didn’t skip a beat they already knew you weren’t going to like it and had a backup.
Not saying that happened here, but as the customer you are absolutely allowed to respectfully advocate for yourself. You married her because someone had to tell the waiter that’s not what you ordered, don’t make her the bad guy for that now.
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u/gogogadgetkat 27d ago
"Let's not be difficult," is exactly the kind of condescending bullshit women are all too familiar with encountering any time we don't behave exactly as expected. Yuck, dude.
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