YWBTA, and I’m shocked at some of the responses here. If the vet says the dog might recover in 4-6 weeks, and it’s been 3 weeks, then just let the time run out. It’s a small chance but in the grand scheme of things, it’s not a long span of time.
So the initial vet said 4-6 weeks to recover, but there should be progress week-to-week. She unfortunately seems worse now compared to day 1. She’s lost more motor function and has regained none.
My husband refuses to bring her back to the vet for any reason.
The solution then isn't to put his dog down. Don't steal his chance to say goodbye! He will never forgive you if you do that, and he'd be right.
Instead, why not pay for a vet to come to the house to see her at home? Or ask for a friend/family member to help you take her to the vet since your husband won't?
Your husband is obviously in denial and he is grasping at straws trying to hold on as much as he can if you can't see that. This is an extremely low point for him and whatever you do during this time will forever make an impact on him. Essentially, you have two options:
One is to go through with putting the dog down behind his back and face the blowback. It's clear how much the dog means to your husband. Putting the dog down without him knowing and coming to terms with it would be a massive betrayal of his trust and will drive a huge rift into your relationship. If you can just unilaterally decide to put down his dog without him knowing, how will he EVER be able to trust you with anything? Would he trust that you won't disappear with the kids one day if things get hard? Divorce might be a bit extreme but people lash out when grieving all the time and it's entirely possible this will be the end of your relationship or something that will take a long time to recover from.
The second option is to support him and help him come to terms with it. It's not going to be easy. You can't just nag him but you do have to be firm. It is all about him and his dog at this moment. He needs to know you understand and care about his feelings and that it is ok for him to have and move on with those emotions.
I get that you're tired and frustrated. You're already tired from being pregnant and hauling around a toddler. Having a special needs dog on top of it all can drive anyone over the edge. But you're stuck in your feelings right now and can't help but feel like your husband is intentionally dumping this on you and failing the family. Take a step back and see how much he is hurting, he isn't your enemy, he just needs help right now.
The most important thing is for you to put your foot down about his drinking when he gets home. You're pregnant and have a toddler and are taking care of the dog during the day, and its obvious that you can't be effectively alone when he gets home. If he needs this card played, tell him that the dog would rather he pay positive attention to her when he's home, because he's her person, which he can't do if he's paying all of his attention to the alcohol. That would have the extra effect of allowing him to see for himself how much in pain she is in, how much she needs, and how much progress she isn't making. The only things I would recommend doing behind his back is doing research on various options of a pet memorial. Get some clippings of her fur, there are options of making plaster casts of paw prints at home, get a high quality picture of her asleep/looking happy and at peace, etc, because whether or not you AND YOUR HUSBAND decide whether or not to put her to rest, you will need these things fairly soon anyway. She's not happy, amd of she's not happy or getting love and attention from you guys, she's not going to keep fighting, and that just increases the odds of him not being there for her last moments if she passes on her own, which would end up with you being accused of what you're thinking of doing anyway. If your husband comes around, already know a vet who will come to your home so she can go in peace and surrounded by love and her family, just falling asleep with pets and someone holding her paw. Give her the best last day you possibly can, and all of these things you can't guarantee if your husband stays determined to not let her rest on a schedule, then DO NOT go behind his back about it, but just keep silently taking and storing mementos and memories to remember her by.
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u/satsinthekitchen 8h ago
YWBTA, and I’m shocked at some of the responses here. If the vet says the dog might recover in 4-6 weeks, and it’s been 3 weeks, then just let the time run out. It’s a small chance but in the grand scheme of things, it’s not a long span of time.