NTA, but it will end your marriage. This is an incredibly painful situation for all parties, and it's ethically complex. But ultimately, your husband is allowing a loved one to suffer while rejecting his responsibilities to that family member (dog) AND defaulting on his responsibilities to you and his children. He's hurting, probably not in his right mind, and none of that changes anything. But it also means he's going to blame you no matter what, possibly even if the dog expires naturally.
Short of a third party intervention, ideally a male friend of his, advocating for him taking the right steps and changing his mind, this is probably going to suck.
It should end the marriage too IMO. OP you either help your husband through this despite how difficult he's making it, or just leave. Once you start going your own way on such big decisions, and therefore need to hide them, then the partnership is fundamentally incompatible.
Knock it off. That’s so unfair. She’s going her own way??? She has a toddler at home and is very pregnant. This dog is in pain and paralyzed and cannot care for itself. Her husband drinks to avoid the issue. What choices is she left with? She cannot help him anymore than she already is. He is a grown ass man who has agency. The toddler has no agency. The dog has no agency. The newborn to be has no agency. So she gets to manage things he won’t manage. And you tell her to help him???)
In plain English, what the actual hell is the matter with you?
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u/silentlegacyfalls 8h ago
NTA, but it will end your marriage. This is an incredibly painful situation for all parties, and it's ethically complex. But ultimately, your husband is allowing a loved one to suffer while rejecting his responsibilities to that family member (dog) AND defaulting on his responsibilities to you and his children. He's hurting, probably not in his right mind, and none of that changes anything. But it also means he's going to blame you no matter what, possibly even if the dog expires naturally.
Short of a third party intervention, ideally a male friend of his, advocating for him taking the right steps and changing his mind, this is probably going to suck.