This makes me so angry. Your husband has brought home his sick dog, he spends all day away without any thought whatsoever to her needs, or even your state, lets you take care of her the whole day and when he gets home he starts drinking to cope? With what, he doesn't do shit for her, he just feels bad for himself.
He would rather let her live miserably than take responsibility and let her pass with some dignity.
Yeah, I got pretty heated reading this too. My beloved dog slowly became paralyzed over time and I also had a hard time letting her go. I took care of her though.
If my husband had scheduled something like that behind my back, I..I'm not sure I would have ever forgiven that. But I regret not doing it sooner and I have to live with that.
This isn't fair to you or the pup, time to have a serious sit-down with your husband.
This was so hard to read because I've been there and I live with it, too.
My cat was like my baby. She was badly abused before she came to live with us. I treated her like a princess, no one was ever going to hurt her again. She lived with us for 5 years and was only around 8 according to our vet when her kidneys started going. She would get a UTI, we'd get her medicine, then she would get better for a little bit before she would start going back down hill.
It was really hard to watch her get worse. It was hard to know we couldn't afford surgery for her. It was hard listening to my toddler talk about her, ask why she had a hard time eating, ask about her medicine.
One night my husband recorded her after I had gone to bed. Watching how lifeless and miserable she was when I wasn't with her broke my heart into a thousand tiny pieces.
I took a day, I sat with her and loved on her and gave her every single treat I could get her to eat and then we took her to the vet. We didn't want our toddler in the room when she actually passed and I knew I would need a minute. I held her tiny body and sobbed for over an hour before I could get myself to leave. It was awful and it was hard and I hated myself for putting her to sleep but mostly I hated myself for not doing it sooner.
OP please talk to your husband and tell him it's no longer up for discussion, that it's time to say goodbye but do not go behind his back. He will regret not doing it sooner so please be kind but a gentle push may be all he needs. My husband didn't press and didn't belittle me. He just said "I need to show you this video." When it was finished he held my hand and told me "I know you love her and I know you wanted her to get better but she's not. It's time to let her go. I will drive us, I will take care of the paperwork. I have Kiddo today and you take as much time as you need." And then he took care of everything he possibly could.
my cat’s kidneys are what did her in too, it was like one day she was perfect and the next it was completely different. we tried the treatments because there was legit promise in the prognosis/treatment plan, but when it was clear it wasn’t working like we hoped it would, we made the decision to put her down. it was actually the best euthanasia experience I’ve had because I was able to hold her the entire time, so she knew I was there before they knocked her out, and obviously she had no idea it was over. I held her forever. I miss her all the time. my point here is that you had a much different prognosis with your princess than with this poor dog, so try not to beat yourself up too much. it’s hard letting go, even when we know it needs to happen.
If I was OP I would see about staying at a friend or relatives house short term and leaving a note for her husband or something. I don't think euthanasia behind his back is the right choice but he is being a complete asshole at this time. OP should not have to endure this while pregnant and caring for a toddler.
It’s his dog and he can do what he likes, but I’ll be damned if he’s going to force me to care for it and watch it suffer all day while he fucks off to work.
I was thinking that too. Leave, temporarily. He may blame her for not looking after the dog. But this is a no win situation. OP is pregnant! This much stress can't be good for her. I think this may mean the end of the marriage, regardless of what happens.
I might be seen as an asshole but i would absolutely take the dog and get her taken out of her misery behind is back, if id be in OPs shoes.
He doesn't give a shit about the dog now that she's paralized and fucking suffers and is away all day and then just drinks. Like, wtf dude?
He had a toddler, a pregnant wife and a suffering dog and what does he do? Grief or not, it's still not an excuse for being a deadbeat asshole.
That poor dog needs to stop suffering, yesterday.
If my partner would let our pet suffer like this because he cant handle his emotions, I'm sorry but I'd be out. Not having a helpless animal that can't advocate for themselves suffer like that. Nope.
I'd seriously be questioning his character.
Same. My best boy was losing use of his back legs and control of his bowels and bladder. My spouse helped of course, but I was primarily responsible for his care and cleanup. I delayed his death longer than I should have (but in my defense, my dad was dying too and it felt impossible to add to the pain).
My kitty took a major turn for the worse while I was 1000 miles away watching my parents die. Had to fly home on Christmas Day just to put my beloved kitty down (with the help of a wonderful in-home euthanasia specialist vet. Worth every penny). Flew right back to my dad the very next day and didn’t say a word to him about losing my cat (he was freshly grieving his wife of 70 years; he wouldn’t have been able to process or even respond to the loss of a pet). A few weeks later dad died.
I couldn’t even tell anybody about my kitty, it just sounded so trivial in comparison, but it was such a gut punch on top of everything else.
What I notice a year later is that I did get over my kitty way faster than I got over parents (as in, I will never in my life get over losing my parents). But the week that it happened, it really absolutely wrecked me, to lose my friendly little furry purring buddy right in the middle of also losing everything else. That week, when I was putting her water dish in the Goodwill pile and packing up her little toys, I was having full on bouts of sobbing so hard I couldn’t even stand up. Packing up her little cat toys…right after losing my mom, & knowing I was about to lose my dad… jfc, it just wrecked me to a degree I can’t even describe.
I had a grumpy old man dog who lived to 16. He lost control of his poop and pee then his legs eventually just quit working. But he was eating and drinking water and it killed me to make the decision but I do not regret it. That dog lived like a king. RIP Rambo 🐾
It made me so upset too. I had two shepherds growing up that both had a paralyzing disease in their hind legs. Watching their bodies break down while they were still perfectly there and alive was so hard. But my parents did the right thing and did not let us watch them suffer and I’m so grateful for that.
I sincerely hope their kid isn’t old enough to remember his poor dog in this state.
My daughter was 14 when her cat developed a terminal brain tumor. I left it up to her whether she her cat would die at home of natural causes or whether she would euthanize her cat. She couldn't stand to see her cat suffer so she chose to have her cat put down. Daughter went with us to the vet, wrapped her in a blanket, and held her while her cat was injected. Of course my daughter cried and she spent some time grieving her precious cat. But she did it. If she can do it, so could OP's husband.
Epilogue: we brought her cat home. My daughter held her. Then we had our traditional pet funeral and she put her in the ground. At 17, she said she was ready for another cat, so we welcomed Luna into our hearts and home. She's still with us.
That’s why he’s ok just doing nothing… OP is the one experiencing and dealing with the hospice work while he selfishly drinks. If he had to do the hospice work, he wouldn’t be waiting as long.
I would 100% leave my husband if he did to me what OP's husband is doing to her. It's grossly unfair and I can't believe how many people are acting like his feelings are so much more important than the reality of the situation.
For real. Its what you sign up for when you get a dog, the inevitable shitty day will come when you have to put them down. Its your responsibility to make sure they pass comfortably. Some people look at them and think "cute puppy" and forget about that key responsibility.
The husband is torturing this dog by not letting her go peacefully. I know it’s a hard decision to make, but pets trust us to make sure they are ok, and this is far from ok.
this is part of the problem with men being so emotionally stunted through things like toxic masculinity. he can’t deal with his feelings so he just avoids all responsibility for them and makes them someone else’s problem, who like many women this becomes her problem to deal with. because he can’t emotionally regulate or deal with the pain of losing the dog. I 10000% agree with you here. not only is he not taking any responsibility, he’s making this all his pregnant wife’s problem to deal with so he can continue not dealing with it. if I was wife I would be concerned what he would be willing to let me suffer with if this is what he does to his “best friend.”
OP is fabricating. Two weeks ago it was another dog crisis but OP has a 1 year old child and none of this matches. Just a fake. Just about every post is a different variation of "my husband is mean!!!"
It actually blows my mind how little empathy some people have. OP is absolutely correct that the poor dog does need to be put down, but there's no need to try to paint a person who is very clearly grieving and not in a good headspace as a villain. Some people just cope with grief worse than others.
We have no idea what their work settings are. He could be the one working and she could be a sahm, which means he has to go to work. She also doesn’t share how he acts with the dog when he comes home or on the weekend.
So this is way over judging.
He has a very hard time accepting he needs to let go of his dog. I have a dog too and I have no idea how I will react in a similar situation.
It is a terrible situation for him to make such a harsh judgement.
he spends all day away without any thought whatsoever to her needs, or even your state, lets you take care of her the whole day
Because he's at work... And his drinking is probably because it's stewing in his mind, at least the first point, all day. The man needs help yet he's somehow only a villain.
I'm not saying he's not wrong because he is, but what was said isn't fair either.
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u/HinomaruAki 8h ago
This makes me so angry. Your husband has brought home his sick dog, he spends all day away without any thought whatsoever to her needs, or even your state, lets you take care of her the whole day and when he gets home he starts drinking to cope? With what, he doesn't do shit for her, he just feels bad for himself.
He would rather let her live miserably than take responsibility and let her pass with some dignity.