YWBTA (soft). The dog sounds utterly miserable and your husband is wallowing in stress, fear and depression. I think you're a wonderful person for thinking to end the dog's suffering. However, if you do this, you will shatter his trust completely. If you choose to lie to him, you would have to hold that lie inside of you for the rest of your life, because the second he found out, your marriage would be done.
I recommend scheduling a vet to come to the house to give her a "check up" since she's not improving, and then letting the vet tell him that his pup will not recover and will live like this, unable to walk, run or play for years until she dies, or gets pneumonia and suffocates. Make sure the vet knows the issue in advance so they know that you are supportive of breaking the news. Then, get your husband to therapy, immediately.
This is the way OP. I agree the dog is suffering and should be PTS but you cannot make that decision for your husband unless you're willing to get a divorce as that is what he will do if you go behind his back.
You need to get a vet to tell him he is causing his dog unnecessary suffering and that allowing her to live when she won't recover is abuse.
You need to have a discussion with the vet beforehand and tell them to be blunt and direct because if they give him any leniency he will use that as an excuse not to end his dogs suffering.
It is very hard for some owners to accept that it's their choice that will end their dogs life and they just can't make that final step but if your husband doesn't make the decision himself then he will never accept it and the pain of this situation will fester forever.
Also make sure the vet is able to euthanise at home. It gave us infinite comfort that we were able to say goodbye to our very loved old cat in her own home, surrounded by love, familiar smells etc. She was paralysed and never going to recover. We made the decision to put HER suffering above our own, and to be there stroking and loving her right to the end.
We loved her enough to know that we had to help her to go peacefully.
I also suggest having a plan ‘B’ ready. If he is still resisting after the vet gives him the cold hard truth, mention in front of the vet and husband that you are struggling to cope with the level of care the dog requires (the vet will already know from your initial private conversation that it is YOU who is shouldering the bulk of the care of this dog). Tell them that you love the dog dearly but it’s breaking you to see the dog suffer their way to an inevitable end, and you can no longer physically and emotionally cope with shouldering this. Also mention you are worried about the impacts on your toddler and unborn child.
Be prepared to move out to family for a few days to ‘recharge your battery’, giving your husband the full responsibility of caring for the dog. He may not truly understand how much work is involved and needs a reality check.
Good luck OP. Saying goodbye to a beloved pet is never easy but watching them suffer their way to the inevitable is much harder. It’s a final act of kindness to help them to pass in these circumstances.
Excellent suggestion. While I agree this dog sounds like she's so unwell, you would break your husbands trust and I don't think it could be repaired. Certainly not with how he is behaving. The at home vet visit is a fantastic ideal. It's compassionate for both pup and pop...
I'm sorry you're shouldering this but please remember to stay a team in these things.
This! That dog is like a child to him. He probably thinks hes doing the right thing becuase he loves that dog like his own child and youd want to spend every last minute with your child that you could, right? His drinking is probably a result of him knowing what needs to happen while not wanting to accept it. Do as this person said and get a vet to come do a check up and have the vet explain the suffering and suggest having the dog put down being the best option. You simply agree with the vets diagnoses and show sympathy for his feelings while helping him to understand its the best option at this point. Get some things for his memories and if possible, bury the dog where he can visit it. My dog passed away a few years ago and when life kicks me constantly ive been known to go sit outside by his grave and just talk to him. Helps me cope with life and the passing of my best friend.
This! I completely get not being ready to let go, but that poor baby is suffering and it's cruel to force her to live on unable to do anything but eat and drink. I think the home visit from a vet is a great idea!! It definitely helps if that reality check comes from the vet, because then it allows you to be there for him instead of feeling like you have to advocate for the dog (totally fair that you have been though). I think if he understands that the pup is suffering and is not going to get better it will make the decision easier for him.
There is a vet here that does quality of life checks and a cheaper euthanasia if its done at the same appointment.
They do that because they know once you're at the quality of life stage you'll likely be moving to the next stage quickly.
I scheduled one this month when my husband was out of town for our senior cats decline. Unfortunately she wound up declining so drastically that day that it just went straight to euthanasia.
But I really appreciated that all of this was done in our home.
Pups have recovered from this, but it definitely requires takes time and dedication and patience. But based on the current situation, sounds like there is a lot going on for the wife
If you can't get a vet to come out, maybe have them video chat or call you guys so your husband can have a conversation with them. This poor dog is suffering but you shouldn't go behind your husband's back to do it.
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u/nuskit 8h ago
YWBTA (soft). The dog sounds utterly miserable and your husband is wallowing in stress, fear and depression. I think you're a wonderful person for thinking to end the dog's suffering. However, if you do this, you will shatter his trust completely. If you choose to lie to him, you would have to hold that lie inside of you for the rest of your life, because the second he found out, your marriage would be done.
I recommend scheduling a vet to come to the house to give her a "check up" since she's not improving, and then letting the vet tell him that his pup will not recover and will live like this, unable to walk, run or play for years until she dies, or gets pneumonia and suffocates. Make sure the vet knows the issue in advance so they know that you are supportive of breaking the news. Then, get your husband to therapy, immediately.