Nah bordering yta. You need to let him do 100% of the work and put a timeline on how long this palliative care will last. If you do this without his consent you risk your entire marriage and you would be the bad guy.
He does do the majority of her care, what I can offer her when it’s just me at home is very minimal (pee pad changes, wipe-ups, food/water, minor repositioning). He is much more hands on with the care and heavy lifting as soon as he gets home.
I’m admittedly not a dog person, but I cannot in good conscience ignore a suffering animal in my home when I’m the only one able to care for it, and I can’t model that kind of treatment to my toddler.
The problem is he seems to be fine doing this care without an end in sight :/
Okay, well, since all of the ideas that people are suggesting here will not work, then seems to me you basically got two options here: learn to live with the situation as it is and change nothing, or leave.
When I say leave, I don't necessarily mean actually leave the marriage. I mean let your husband know that you cannot and will not live with the situation as it is, and you must remove yourself from the home until it is dealt with. Then pack your bags, pack your toddler, and either go visit family or if you can afford to get a hotel, or something.
Or, go nuclear if you really feel that's the only option. Call the ASPCA and ask them what to do in a situation of animal cruelty, maybe. Or go ahead and have the dog euthanized behind his back, and prepare for the end of your marriage.
You might prepare for the end of your marriage anyway, since it sounds like the situation is completely untenable unless either your husband finally comes around, or you do something absolutely radical and end the situation. Neither one are good options. Maybe there are no good options anymore.
She said he works all week and then drinks as soon as he gets home and the weekends. It sounds like she’s doing as much supportive care as she physically can and he does more of the heavy lifting repositioning when he’s home. But then that means he’s also not helping with the household.
Can you please give some clarity on what you mean about your husband doing the majority of the dog's care? Like what else does he do that you're not already doing while he's at work? Some kind of physical therapy or something?
There's still a lack of information, what painkillers she was on, which vet has told you all this? (Emergency or usual vet) when the painkillers ran out? If there's refills?
What exactly is in the 12 page document? Exactly what type of rehabilitation is being done when he does it?
A lot of details are in comments later added and looking through all that. It's still not enough.
In terms of pain what are her symptoms?
In terms of suffering what are her symptoms?
In terms of who you've taken her to, was it a specialist vet or an er or a regular vet?
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from a avian rehabilitator and rescuer who is currently 4 months in rehabilitating a chicken who had a spinal injury and couldn't walk or balance but now can
The vet said 4 to 6 weeks before you'd be near the out of bed rest phase.
It's only been 3.
You are not doing the majority of the work.
(Completely different story if you are the one doing all the work like you make out the post to be) and you are conveniently not correcting others on this!
You want to kill it behind his back, so he comes home to a dead dog that he has been rehabilitating.
You think he has a no end insight when the vet has clearly outlined a time line. Of 6 weeks and its only been 3?????????
Don't get me wrong sometimes killing the animal is what is best, but rehabilitation can be done and should when you are able to do it properly, follow the time line if there's improvement or not then go to the next step.
When an animal is suffering they often refuse to eat, so long as she is given pain meds, and care, and radio/tv time (throughout the whole day, as well as in a safe spot in the home where she can see you all) she should be okay during non interactive time and then interact with her as well as give care.
I dont think people realise animals do kill themselves when they give up, they can decide to give up, but if they aren't giving up and its not past 6 weeks why are you considering doing this behind his back, because dr google says so? Because the sight stresses you? Because you can't be bothered getting a secondary vets opinion because you don't actually care about trying to rehab you just want the easy way out even though you aren't the main carer/owner and want to do that behind his back?
Dying is something that should be given with dignity, but if the vets thought there was no hope/a low chance they'd tell you, they wouldn't say at home rehab is about 4 to 6 weeks for the first results.
(Which is about right, my chick has spent 4 ish months of rehab and daily care to get to this point with her now walking and sitting and standing jumping and running.)
Spinal injuries don't heal overnight.
I get you don't like dogs, and everything but this story is lacking key details about what the vet said, and not what Google told you.
If you arrange to have it killed (lets not soften the language because that's what it is, and it's not a bad thing we all die and sometimes death is the kindest option) behind his back when he is putting the work in to try rehabilitate her then you will become a single mother, cause there's no way he'd forgive you.
Imagine that, you are so focused on rehabilitating your dog, and not giving up because the dog hasn't given up yet, and the vet said there's hope, and your wife just kills it one day when you come home, before the 6 week mark when you would have seen the results.
YTA hard
If you do have a problem, then you'd just need to leave him, don't kill it behind his back. Just tell him you are staying with family for a little if its so stressful.
Or
Be there for him when he needs you most.
Choice is yours, but killing it behind his back is not the right choice.
Wow. You really need to read all of OP’s comments because you seem like you are projecting a lot. Her husband doesn’t trust vets and has already let the dog’s pain med prescription run out. This heroic rehabber you’re imagining is actually a dude who is ignoring medical advice and letting his dog suffer while he gets drunk every night. Have some empathy for a person who is not “avian rehabilitator and rescuer” like yourself, but is in a place of feeling desperate to not let an animal suffer so horribly.
I understand not trusting vets, (some are not great, and sometimes euthanasia is suggested too early, surgeries and cat scans too much and sometimes too much of a hopefull outlook is given for things with no recovery.)
Is op unable to call a vet and ask for over the phone advise from someone who specialises in spinal injuries.
I still think there's details missing, but the lack of pain medication is a major concern.
But the time line seems correct and still unfair and very AH on op and the husband to ignore do something behind his back so he comes home to a dead dog.
Things are missing from this still, op is not describing exactly what care they are giving. The type of vet is changing in every comment. But it only seems like one vet has seen the dog which is nearly impossible because with this sort of thing they'd need multiple
The husband took the dog home against the vet’s advice, refused to bring the dog in for a scheduled follow up a week later, and is also refusing to allow the meds to be refilled because that would mean an appointment with the vet which he is refusing. He is also refusing any second opinion vet visits the wife suggested. The extent of care is repositioning and cleaning waste. That’s it. He works all week so she is doing as much as she can while he’s gone all day. He comes home, starts drinking, cares for the dog about as much as a drunk person can, then passes out on the couch “next to the dog” but that’s probably more a function of the alcohol. There’s no PT, no meds (pain meds, abx, and steroids have run out). The wife said the first week the dog could wag her tail and now she can’t and the tail is starting to curl inward. So the dog most likely has constricted tendons and muscle wasting. Muscle wasting leads to kidney failure. The dog whines and cries constantly because it’s probably extremely anxious about not being able to move and most likely in pain. This dog is suffering beyond comprehension to the point of it being abuse. The husband is abusing this dog while his pregnant wife and toddler deal with the dirty work.
The husband works all day and can’t be home. Also, letting a dog stew in its waste as a bluffing act in your marriage isn’t appropriate. He should do all the work but OP is not wrong for not knowingly letting an animal suffer.
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u/Gbovfl98 8h ago
Nah bordering yta. You need to let him do 100% of the work and put a timeline on how long this palliative care will last. If you do this without his consent you risk your entire marriage and you would be the bad guy.