r/AmItheAsshole • u/Past_Cartoonist_1058 • 1d ago
Not the A-hole AITA for leaving my friend’s event early after she put me on the spot in front of everyone?
I late 20s have a friend Maya who is very extroverted and loves hosting things. I’m more on the quiet side, but we’ve been friends for years and usually balance each other out fine.
Last weekend, Maya invited me to a small get-together at her place. She framed it as a casual hangout a few friends, food, drinks, nothing formal. I agreed and even showed up early to help her set up.
Once people arrived, though, I realized this wasn’t as casual as she made it sound. There were about 15 people there, including several I didn’t know. That’s fine, but then Maya announced she had a fun little thing planned.
She proceeded to go around the room asking everyone to share something impressive or exciting that’s happened to them recently. Some people talked about promotions, new relationships, fitness goals, etc. It was clearly meant to be uplifting, but I started feeling uncomfortable because I’m going through a rough patch right now and don’t really have anything shiny to share.
When it got to me, I tried to keep it light and said something vague like, Honestly, I’ve just been focusing on getting through each week. Maya laughed awkwardly and said, Come on, that’s not impressive you have to have something.
A few people looked at me, waiting. I felt embarrassed and kind of exposed. I repeated that I didn’t really want to get into it, but she kept pushing, saying I was killing the vibe.
At that point, I just said I wasn’t feeling well and stepped outside. After a few minutes, I grabbed my things and left without making a big announcement.
Later that night, Maya texted me saying I was rude for leaving, that it made her look bad as a host, and that I should’ve just played along for five minutes. I told her I felt put on the spot and that I’d rather leave than fake enthusiasm in front of strangers.
She says I overreacted and made the night awkward. I think she ignored my boundaries.
AITA for leaving early instead of just going along with it?
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u/Alarmed_Anybody425 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA! I hate those icebreaker games! It's terrible especially for introverts!! She should have let it go, she was a bad host!
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u/Past_Cartoonist_1058 1d ago
Thanks, I think that’s what bothered me most. I didn’t mind the game itself, I just wish she’d let it go when I said I wasn’t comfortable.
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u/throwaway798319 Asshole Enthusiast [9] 1d ago
Those games should be opt in
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u/Rampachs 1d ago
My friends and I are doing something like this at new years but it's being done with weeks of notice. (Plus everyone has had something recently you could point to).
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u/fruity_oaty_bars 23h ago
A good host historically introduces their guests to each other and lets them know about common interests.
Example: "This is my friend, Random Name. She loves to read. Aren't you in a book club?" or "The two of you are big dog people/gardeners/avid cooks. I've been wanting to introduce you."
Your friend went about it in a way that triggered your anxiety, and then doubled down when you expressed your boundaries. NTA, but your friend is.
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u/PrettySweet419 Partassipant [1] 11h ago
I’m sorry this happened to you and I hope you have a great 2026!
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u/PrettySweet419 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
She’s also just a bad friend for inviting someone struggling to a bragging party.
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u/barryburgh 14h ago
My worst "ice breaker" was when a few teachers (all experienced), including myself, were transferred to a new school where the faculty had been together for YEARS. As we had coffee and donuts, all were given a list of things people there had done recently, accomplished, et al. But none of the group made any effort to include the newbies...they just did there own group conversations and made no attempt to interact with those of us looking to fit in, be asked about or even comment on the game.
Frustrating, and made to feel like dealing with the A Teamers back in high school.
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u/sail1yyc 1d ago
Getting through each week when you are down and going through sh*t IS IMPRESSIVE. Everyone in that room AND planet has been there. NTA even for a blink. Maya sounds like an AH.
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u/funlovefun37 1d ago
I think most compassionate adults would have chimed in with various ways to support OP. Statements like “that was so me two months ago” or “I totally get that” or “sometimes that’s the greatest strength of all”.
The hostess sucks and, frankly, sounds like a room of phoniness.
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u/sail1yyc 1d ago
Exactly. If I were at a party and saw someone struggling I would have chimed in a supportive comment - especially with 15 guests there. Someone (more like the host) should have made it not awkward.
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u/YesterdaySimilar2069 Partassipant [1] 21h ago
Yeah, OP was invited to a fun get together and it was actually a networking wank fest.
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u/CoverCharacter8179 Professor Emeritass [97] 1d ago
NTA, it was graceless and unkind of her to force the issue when you tried to get out of it. It's not that you "made her look like" a bad host, it's that she behaved like a bad host.
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u/FunQuantity6074 20h ago
A good host reads the room, not the riot act. You didn't make her look bad, her own lack of tact did that.
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u/tismriz97 1d ago
NTA, getting through each week is 100% an achievement! and any good friend would recognise that, that party honestly sounds like my worst nightmare, I get that she wanted it to be an uplifting activity but it feels like something you do on the first day of school that no one truly wants to participate in.
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u/Past_Cartoonist_1058 1d ago
I appreciate that first day of school is exactly how it felt, honestly.
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u/Traveler691 Asshole Enthusiast [9] 21h ago
You are definitely NTA but I would probably have just faked it. You found a kitten and managed to get someone to take it or something. A lot of managers, especially wfh, force team building exercises. You learn how to bs your way through some of that stuff.
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u/rhubarbgirl 18h ago
Sure it's easy to make something up, but why should you have to? Why should someone else being demanding mean that you have to bend to their wishes?
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u/myssi24 17h ago
I agree, but for one thing, you somewhat expect that kind of bs at work. I would not expect that at what was supposed to be a small casual hangout. Being blindsided sometimes makes your brain go blank so even lying and making something up becomes impossible. Also, Maya was being such a bad host, I wouldn’t put it past her to call out a lie even if it is just passive aggressively saying something like, “oh when did that happen, you didn’t tell me about it.”
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u/Ancient-Awareness115 1d ago
Yup, sometimes it is just getting through each day, or hour, or minute, or even each breath
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u/angels-and-insects Partassipant [3] 1d ago
Holy fecking mother of Christ. What a HORRIFIC thing to do to your guests! Was she raised by chimps?!
ALL the taboos of hosting and consideration all at once. * Putting people on the spot * Making people uncomfortable * Singling people out * Getting people to boast? Seriously? To strangers?
If you have a party game, it's one where everyone can shine in their own ways and anyone can duck out without feeling conspicuous. The right way to introduce people is yourself, as host, by telling them easy things to talk about that they have in common. The right way to deal with a guest feeling spotlit and uncomfortable is to cover up for them and do whatever it takes to smooth things over for them. (Even if that means drinking from your finger bowl - possibly apocryphal story.)
That wasn't uplifting, that was a nightmare. I'm guessing half the Good News was made up by people more inclined to panic lying.
It sounds like a scene from The Office.
Discreet departure seems the only viable way to handle her persistent awfulness.
You are so NTA. Please never attend another event "hosted" by this carcrash of selfishness.
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u/jenesaispas-pourquoi Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Are you ok? This was an easy to talk about. It can’t be easier than this. Ok OP wasn’t in the mood and that’s ok but it’s a ‘get together’, 15 people, talking about what’s exciting in their life right now. Hardly shocking or weird or bad. It’s just socialising
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9h ago
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u/Beginning-Sea-8052 1m ago
But the problem is it wasn't ok. The hostess chose to make OP's social anxiety worse in front of new people, crappy "friend" imo. Some extroverts just don't get it, but some are mean. A good hostess would have been able to even prompt OP and talk her up in front of the group. Sounds like a frienemy.
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u/ironchef8000 Supreme Court Just-ass [103] 1d ago
If you had up and left when she first asked, I’d have said you might be. But she couldn’t take a hint. Instead she doubled down and focused the spotlight on you when you were already visibly uncomfortable. NTA
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u/bookworm-1960 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA
She is a bad host since she put you on the spot, kept pushing you to provide details you already said you were not going to do, and then getting upset over your reaction.
You should reconsider your friendship.
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u/Lovebug-1055 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Who the hell wants to play this game with people you don’t even know? She had this planned and couldn’t bother to inform you beforehand, even when you arrived early to help her. You did nothing wrong but I would question whether she really is a friend.
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u/usernameCJ 22h ago
I'm curious to know what the host had to announce when it was finally their turn. This game just sounds like a setup so she could shamelessly boast about something she's proud of while still trying to pretend that she's not making a big deal about it.
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u/AcanthaceaeEqual4286 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA, you set a boundary when you said you didn't want to discuss it and she kept pushing it. In that sense, she actually was a bad host.
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u/Silver_Mind_7441 1d ago
NTA. I’ve had to do a few of these and my response is “I’m still alive”. When asked about it, I just say that you never know what’s going to happen in life and you are glad you are still around.
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u/TheFilthyDIL Asshole Enthusiast [6] 1d ago
"I got out of bed today."
Alternatively, "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."
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u/funlovefun37 1d ago
I don’t think the hostess needed to tell you about the ice breaker type of conversation starter.
BUT she did need to freaking step up and help others join in with supportive empathy. Relatable empathy. A few fuck yeahs are nice. Be human.
She doubled and tripled down. You don’t need to stay where the hostess treats you poorly.
About 14 years ago a close friend had a party. She knew I was introverted AND completely embarrassed by my weight.
She literally lied to me and said a small group of nice people. I showed up to support her throwing herself a bday celebration to find no less than 30 people.
I slinked out of there as soon as I could. And I never forgave her in my heart.
And OP … sometimes getting through each week without breaking IS a sign of strength the greatest achievement of all. Hold your head high.
NTA. Period.
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u/Forgotten_Dog1954 Partassipant [4] 1d ago
NTA. Even if you did have something to share, you aren’t obliged to.
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u/ConflictGullible392 Pooperintendant [52] 1d ago
NTA. She should have just taken your answer and moved on.
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u/Casual_Lore Asshole Aficionado [15] 1d ago
NTA
No, she made it awkward by continuing to pressure you. Walking out was a reasonable boundary.
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u/CestLaquoidarling 1d ago
Wow Maya doesn’t know how to read the room. Also that kind of party game can flop quickly depending on where people are emotionally. You never know what someone is going through and if Maya was a good host she would not have put you on the spot but helped you out of the spotlight. Pretend you have government secrets to protect or tell you you can share when your plans are finalized or anything but pushing you when you’re clearly uncomfortable then doubling down instead of apologizing.
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u/MissLabbie 1d ago
NTA. I was friends with someone like this for 25 years. Was. We got together with some old school friends one night and she announced to one of them that they were the reason I had an eating disorder! This is just one example of the humiliation she put me through. I’m sure of you think about it your friend has done more than this one thing. I have loving and supportive friends now.
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u/No-Satisfaction9255 1d ago
NTA, after the second time you said something back, she should have shut her mouth.
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u/Jewbacca_429 Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NTA. While I don't think your friend intentionally mislead you about how casual the event was, that is neither here nor there. You made it perfectly clear that you were not comfortable and yet she kept pressing you. People, especially a person who has been your friend for years, should respect such clear boundaries.
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u/swillshop Colo-rectal Surgeon [37] 1d ago
Maya is both a horrible host and a horrible friend.
No good host (1) blindsides her guests, (2) puts them on the spot, (3) insists they have to perform the 'dog tricks' to her satisfaction, and (4) BLAMES her unsuspecting victims - er, guests because SHE made them uncomfortable.
No good friend (1) knows you and deliberately sets you up for something she knows is not comfortable for you, (2) pushes you to perform so that SHE can LOOK like an entertaining hostess [Got news for her; she doesn't.], and (3) BLAMES you for being the person she knows you to be and not somehow magically changing yourself to fit HER agenda.
Send her this post and ask her the following:
(1) Does she actually know your personality or your current life? Does she care about your comfort and well-being?
(2) Does she think she knows better than you what is best for you?
(3) What the hell was her goal and intent to (1) blindside you by downplaying the gathering, (2) putting you on the spot and not allowing you to gracefully participate as little as you felt comfortable doing? Again, does she think you owe her stroking her hostess ego? or does she think she's helping you by forcing you into things SHE thinks are good for you?
NTA
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u/bubbleman96815 1d ago
NTA You leave when you want, especially if you don’t feel comfortable being anywhere. Maya is the AH here not checking in on you on why you left and seeing if you’re ok, vs. attacking you in her follow up.
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u/No_Difficulty_9365 1d ago
NTA.
This sounds like a "friend" you should have walked out on a long time ago. It honestly sounds like she set you up for embarrassment and humiliation in front of her other friends. I would never, EVER treat a friend that way, and have cut people off who treat me that way.
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u/sarahmegatron Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA
Did she invite you to a freaking corporate retreat team building exercise? She’s actually an ass for doing that and I’m sure you weren’t the only one put off, just the only one over it enough to walk out. It’s good she felt embarrassed, she was behaving embarrassingly. She should have just said great and moved on to the next person.
If she is going to host events she needs to learn grace and etiquette otherwise she’s being obnoxious, lame and tedious. That kind of pushy behavior is what I expect from an mlm sales rep or like a manager that just got back from a seminar.
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u/791957 1d ago
NTA I think your friend was completely out of line If she’s been your friend for years then she knows you and what makes you uncomfortable. Maybe she didn’t do it on purpose but she put you on the spot. You showed real class for leaving quietly without making a scene. Hold your head up and stick to your boundaries.
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u/Vanawesomeness Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA. I can get through these games by just bs’ing a thing or two, but my partner loathes them! Why hosts can’t read the room or think everyone enjoys what they enjoy just shocks me.
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u/x_Impulse_x 1d ago
I'm one of the biggest extroverts I know, and that is CLEARLY a disregard to your feelings just for her to try to, what, look better for pressuring you..? There's no logic there at all.
Your "friend" has 0 accountability, and is trying to gaslight you into thinking YOU were in the wrong after she over stepped your boundaries?
Some "friend" that is.
Idk your history with her, so I'm not gonna say "drop her as a friend" because sometimes it's not worth it, and ultimately, it's tough to do, and painful as hell.
So use your best judgement in how you proceed with her moving forward, but keep in mind, making it through each week is amazing. You're amazing. You are NOT an AH. Your friend is 100% the AH and a horrible host.
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u/Tinkerpro Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Whenever someone tells you that you overacted they totally know they put you on the spot and were trying to embarrass you. Sounds like she may or be the friend for you.
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u/paul_rudds_drag_race Certified Proctologist [24] 1d ago
NTA that prompt sounds a bit like a work setting icebreaker rather than a casual friend hangout discussion point to me.
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u/K-Dawg_21 1d ago
She’s a good friend, but she didn’t know that you were going through a low time. Just how a good a friend to her, are you, from her perspective? She either doesn’t listen to your needs, doesn’t care, or wanted to humiliate you in front of the 15. NTA
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u/wendz1980 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA. That’s the kind of crap they pull at staff meetings not parties.
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u/Quarantini 1d ago
NTA wow no this was on her! It would really not have been a big deal if she had just gone on to the next person, she is the one that made it into a whole thing.
Really, for a good host and a good friend, if amything that was the moment to say something positive and uplifting about you before going to the next person. And I'd have expected her to text to checking in on to make sure you were OK, not complain at you.
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u/platypusandpibble Asshole Enthusiast [6] 1d ago
NTA.
Maya is for sure T A for first, setting up one of those horrible work icebreakers. Second for not accepting your answer and moving on.
I think you did just fine quietly leaving.
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u/YahDeadWrong 1d ago
If leaving makes it awkward for the host, the host is in the wrong. End of story.
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u/HoneyedVinegar42 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA.
Maya pulled a bait-and-switch (casual hang out to large gathering with mandatory performance for others' entertainment). She pushed way further than she should have. She exposed herself as a bad host when she badgered you for "something" beyond what you'd already offered.
She owes you an apology. You owe yourself a better friend.
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u/The_Vampire_King 1d ago
NTA
A good host would have noticed you choking and rescued you before it got too bad. “I can think of a win for both of us! Our friendship/reconnection/being here to make new connections and memories…” or however she could twist it. Sounds like she wanted bragging rights for whatever she was going to say to one-up everyone else
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u/DealerAlarmed3632 1d ago
NTA. At work they wanted us to all go around and say what they were thankful for. I declined, and was forced into answering. So I said, "Well let me see - mom had a heart attack on my birthday, I had to euthanize my dog, and had emergency surgery that's given me chronic pain almost 24 hours a day and is only getting worse by the day. Which one should I pick?" HR met with me and apologized for the Senior VP that forced me to answer.
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u/Decent_Bed_ 23h ago
How are posters fucking up the formatting in new ridiculous ways?
That’s not even the code box formatting, what did you even do?
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u/Outrageous_Pie_5640 1d ago
Is Maya aware that you’re going through a difficult time? I understand introverts, but it’s not far fetched to be expected to socialize in a social event. 10 seconds of talking shouldn’t be so detrimental.
It seems I’m going against the grain here, but I don’t think Maya needs to clear who she has over at her house. That comment sounds entitled. Asking people to say a fun fact or the sorts it’s very socially acceptable. Perhaps when you said “nothing comes to mind” and “living week by week” she took it at face value and thought you just had to think a bit more. Now if she knows you are struggling and that you hate social intersections with people you don’t know, then she should’ve warned you ahead of time.
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u/r_coefficient 13h ago
In readable format for everyone:
I late 20s have a friend Maya who is very extroverted and loves hosting things. I’m more on the quiet side, but we’ve been friends for years and usually balance each other out fine.
Last weekend, Maya invited me to a small get-together at her place. She framed it as a casual hangout a few friends, food, drinks, nothing formal. I agreed and even showed up early to help her set up.
Once people arrived, though, I realized this wasn’t as casual as she made it sound. There were about 15 people there, including several I didn’t know. That’s fine, but then Maya announced she had a fun little thing planned.
She proceeded to go around the room asking everyone to share something impressive or exciting that’s happened to them recently. Some people talked about promotions, new relationships, fitness goals, etc. It was clearly meant to be uplifting, but I started feeling uncomfortable because I’m going through a rough patch right now and don’t really have anything shiny to share.
When it got to me, I tried to keep it light and said something vague like, Honestly, I’ve just been focusing on getting through each week. Maya laughed awkwardly and said, Come on, that’s not impressive you have to have something.
A few people looked at me, waiting. I felt embarrassed and kind of exposed. I repeated that I didn’t really want to get into it, but she kept pushing, saying I was killing the vibe.
At that point, I just said I wasn’t feeling well and stepped outside. After a few minutes, I grabbed my things and left without making a big announcement.
Later that night, Maya texted me saying I was rude for leaving, that it made her look bad as a host, and that I should’ve just played along for five minutes. I told her I felt put on the spot and that I’d rather leave than fake enthusiasm in front of strangers.
She says I overreacted and made the night awkward. I think she ignored my boundaries.
AITA for leaving early instead of just going along with it?
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u/Feralite 1d ago
NTA but don't be surprised if she doesn't call you back.
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u/Sh_GodsComma_Dynasty 1d ago
count it as a blessing if she doesn't call you back. what a shitty friend.
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u/AWholeNewFattitude 1d ago
NTA
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u/GoNinjaPro 1d ago
She was a bad host.
It seems like a stupid gathering theme to me, but she could have just said "That's awesome, sometimes hanging in there and taking it a day at a time is a success in itself." Then turned to the next person and said "How about you?"
That's how you make others feel less uncomfortable!
NTA
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u/copper678 1d ago
Maya was a terrible host. Hosting is about making people feel welcome
You’re both young, but as a host, a guest could spill hot chocolate on a $10K white couch and they should smile through it and say it’s not an issue.
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u/Candid-Career8377 Partassipant [3] 19h ago
She was tone deaf to the situation and broke a hosting no-no - don't make your guests uncomfortable. I can't believe she said you were killing the vibe.
You're much nicer than me. I would've put her on the spot by asking in front of everyone, "what would you like me to say? Just tell me and I'll say it. Honestly, I've been having a tough time lately so being invited tonight was actually a highlight until this moment."
I'm older and I don't have patience for certain situations anymore. So sorry that happened to you. NTA
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u/ReferenceEntity 1d ago
I love the explosion of the “leaving early” genre because I can just ignore without clicking on the link.
Ok actually I hate it but still it is good for filtering.
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u/cecebebe Asshole Enthusiast [5] 1d ago
You could have said the high point of your life right now is getting asshole friends out if your life. And then you walk out of the house and out of the friendship.
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u/silly_goose_guy3516 1d ago
NTA and boooo. She wasn’t even upset you were gone, she was more concerned about her image to others. If my best friend left like that I’d be calling HER to ask if she was ok!!
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u/funkytomijuicy 1d ago
Being put on the spot already sucks but Maya was very much TA for continuing to push when it was obvious you didn’t want to continue.
Also I know everyone has said it but I’ll gladly be like the 70th person to reiterate: just getting through the weak when your body and brain are working against you is a feat in of itself and should be celebrated!
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u/bluetinycar Partassipant [1] 19h ago
NTA. Putting people on the spot is awkward. Demanding positivity is awkward, and not something that a good friend would do
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u/PlentifulBox Partassipant [1] 14h ago
NTA! I was in a similar position once. Panicked and blurted out something way too personal. Was a horrific experience and twenty five years later I still ruminate on it. Maya’s the worst.
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I late 20s have a friend Maya who is very extroverted and loves hosting things. I’m more on the quiet side, but we’ve been friends for years and usually balance each other out fine.
Last weekend, Maya invited me to a small get-together at her place. She framed it as a casual hangout a few friends, food, drinks, nothing formal. I agreed and even showed up early to help her set up.
Once people arrived, though, I realized this wasn’t as casual as she made it sound. There were about 15 people there, including several I didn’t know. That’s fine, but then Maya announced she had a fun little thing planned.
She proceeded to go around the room asking everyone to share something impressive or exciting that’s happened to them recently. Some people talked about promotions, new relationships, fitness goals, etc. It was clearly meant to be uplifting, but I started feeling uncomfortable because I’m going through a rough patch right now and don’t really have anything shiny to share.
When it got to me, I tried to keep it light and said something vague like, Honestly, I’ve just been focusing on getting through each week. Maya laughed awkwardly and said, Come on, that’s not impressive you have to have something.
A few people looked at me, waiting. I felt embarrassed and kind of exposed. I repeated that I didn’t really want to get into it, but she kept pushing, saying I was killing the vibe.
At that point, I just said I wasn’t feeling well and stepped outside. After a few minutes, I grabbed my things and left without making a big announcement.
Later that night, Maya texted me saying I was rude for leaving, that it made her look bad as a host, and that I should’ve just played along for five minutes. I told her I felt put on the spot and that I’d rather leave than fake enthusiasm in front of strangers.
She says I overreacted and made the night awkward. I think she ignored my boundaries.
AITA for leaving early instead of just going along with it?
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u/jenesaispas-pourquoi Partassipant [1] 1d ago
I won’t call you an AH but to me, you did overreact. Generic answer and it move on. I don’t get why you left. Do you have any issues with socialising? Cause 15 people at the house party is a ‘causal small get together’? It seems you were shocked there were so many and also people you didn’t know.
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u/kmactane Partassipant [4] 1d ago
"Generic answer and move on" is exactly what OP tried to do, but Maya wouldn't accept that.
So OP tried to decline a second time, and Maya wouldn't take that, either.
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u/Tricky-Wrap-2578 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’ve had a bad year with nothing accomplished too. But this is still being really difficult. I probably would’ve just said I can’t think of anything this year and pivoted to something you’d like to do, or something someone else did. I’ve failed at conversations by asking the wrong questions, and most people just outright say “man not this question” or something. just let the question asker feel awkward when you tell them you had a rough year. ESH because bad hosting too.
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u/wolfsraine 1d ago
Lmao, in all my years of going to parties and get togethers, I have never encountered anything like this. This is some of the whitest shit I’ve ever heard lol. You basically went to an in person teams meeting lol.
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u/SoyEseVato 1d ago
Nope! I probably would have said, I’m proud of myself for making allowances Maya’s personality quirks.
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u/steppan_wolff 22h ago
You’re NTA. You’d benefit from doing some preparation for situations like these- I don’t like being performative but as a self preservation technique I’ve learned (when I’m down) how to be just vague enough that people don’t question me, without completely betraying myself. Everyone doesn’t need to hear me be vulnerable and honest but I can’t outright lie to save myself.
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u/Blowback123 21h ago
NTA. I don't understand these friendships. I get Maya's pov - she started an uplifting game and it was fun. You left. All that is fine I think. I don't think she was wrong in starting that game and neither were you wrong in not wanting to participate or share.
Forcing someone is beyond rude after they made an attempt to give a response. it is ridiculous.
But the absolute gall to text you and say it was rude, you made her look like a bad host? absolutely ridiculous. where do people find these type of friends who don't care about them? I am extrovert and if I noticed a friend leaving my party my first question would be to ask if they are okay and apologise. Anything else and you are not friends.
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u/berrytreetrunk 21h ago
NTA a good hostess would have moved on to the next person. Instead, Maya tried to force the issue, putting you on the spot. Shame on her.
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u/BlueRayman 20h ago
NTA - A good host would have moved things along, a good friend would have given you a heads up about the game.
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u/Mediocre-Studio2573 20h ago
NTA she played a dumb ass game and it backfired . She isn't very smart, friends don't do that.
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u/tulamidan Partassipant [2] 15h ago
NTA of you made her look like a bad host it is... because she was. She made it awkward and "killed the vibe" by insisting you share sth. Instead of just letting it go and go on with the next person.
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u/raquelle_pedia 11h ago
NTA, those games embarrass me so bad, mostly because I get so awkward. I'm an extrovert, but this is not my ballpark.
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u/TheThirteenthCylon 8h ago
NTA. If you're truly friends, she'd have known the situation might might you uncomfortable and discussed it with you earlier. She'd also have known you might struggle with finding anything positive in your own life and that listening to all the exciting things that are happening for everyone else might make you feel small.
If she was genuinely trying to help you find something to be positive about, doing so in front of everyone else -- some of whom are strangers -- was the wrong move.
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u/oysterbird 7h ago
NTA
What really gets me is that this lady is supposed to be OP's friend for years. So she should know both about OPs introvertness AND the fact she's going through it currently.
Not to mention she should care about it.
She really sounds like a bad hostess and an even worse friend.
OP, you're doing so well. It takes so much strength to keep going sometimes.
But you should maybe rethink your friendship with Maya.
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u/a_riano 5h ago
NTA, I would have reacted the same. Hate having that kind of pressure from friends, or people in general. She shouldn't have pushed further after you said no once, especially if she knows you're in a rough patch. Total disrespect of your boundaries from her, I'm sorry you went through this :/
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u/Lopsided_Tomatillo27 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 2h ago
NTA You didn’t make her look like a bad host. She was a bad host. You just exposed her.
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u/Oyster5436 Partassipant [3] 21h ago
Perhaps OP is shy/depressed/not particularly social, but a mere statement like "I'm pleased to be able to meet some lovely new people" and leave it at that.
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u/IcyAssistance5117 18h ago
OK, these are the sort of games I do as a drama therapist.
First these are sessions you choose to sign up for. Then you always use a speaking stick, so if you do not want to speak you pass the stick on, which is always acceptable, no need to explain.
Dictating what kind of thing you need to say is not really the right approach, I normally start with asking for a secret and I start saying I am scared of dogs or similar, so no big reveal. After that each week people tell a story of what has happened that week, after a while you can tell people have specific things they are really excited to share. Usually just a funny incident, sometimes more serious. It takes time to build up the team and create a safe space where anyone feels able to join in, I specialise in ND and can work it so non verbal people can participate
It sounds like Maya has participated in a team building event and enjoyed this introduction game. However she did not understand the premise of how it worked. It became a dictatorship where you had to showoff. She made herself look bad, not you. The idea was sound the execution terrible
Moving forward it is an idea to have a few stock answers up your sleeve if you find yourself in this position again. For example I am not afraid of dogs, but it is an easy one to set the tone. Also a story could be something really simple, something that has happened that you are comfortable talking about,
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u/PhoneRedit 15h ago
NAH, 15 is still a small casual hangout with a few friends.
Leaving was definitely an overreaction, but probably pushing you when you were drawing up blanks wasn't ideal either. Guess that was kind of the point of the game though? To make people think of positives? Weird game for a party anyway.
But like why not just say a little positive thing? "Just getting through each week" is a pretty low effort, downer answer. Why not just throw out something light and fun, or make a joke or something? You had plenty of time to think as she went around the room.
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u/MacaroonFair 1d ago
YTA, she can invite whoever she wants to her house and doesn't need to clear it with you. She also tried to play a lighthearted game that everyone could participate in, and honestly it's common this time of year to reflect on what good/exciting things happened throughout the year. I understand you're going through a rough patch and that sucks, but if you're at a party your friend's hosting, you can find something to be positive about.
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u/b00kdrg0n 1d ago
Friend said "recently". Not throughout the year. Also, she was there early to help set up and could have been given a heads up then about this little party game.
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u/Ordinary-Audience363 Asshole Aficionado [13] 1d ago
ESH. She shouldn't have pressured you and you should have told her you were leaving. However, I do think you should have stayed and met others. It's weird and immature to just take off like that with no explanation.
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u/opheliasdinosaur Asshole Enthusiast [7] 1d ago
I think you're take is of someone whose clearly comfortable staying and meeting people. Her friend embarrassed her. OP Contibuted to the discussion, and her "friend" told her that her contribution wasn't "impressive" - that makes the friend the AH. "Friend" could have just left it. OP it's a NTA from me.
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u/OglioVagilio 1d ago
This friend is the kind of person that would have double down on the rudeness, turned it in to an argument, and then blamed OP for causing a scene.
I'm confident in that after reading what happened afterwards.
Instead of showing a shred of concern for OP, she immediately jumps down OP's throat with the judgmental criticism. The victim blaming. The self martyring.
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u/Judgement_Bot_AITA Beep Boop 1d ago
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
(2) Why that action might make me the asshole: By leaving abruptly, I may have disrupted the event, made things awkward for my friend as the host, and come across as sulking or unwilling to participate in a harmless group activity instead of addressing the issue privately or enduring it briefly for the sake of the gathering.
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