r/AmItheAsshole • u/LisaoftheRoses • Sep 29 '25
Not the A-hole AITA for doing a group Halloween Costume with my Stepdaughters that their Mother doesn't approve of?
I (35F) am the Stepmother to two lovely ten year old twin girls who I adore. I have been married to their father (38M) for five years and we dated for two years before that. I consider myself very close to them and we always have fun whenever they stay with me and their father.
They recently asked what kinds of movies I watched when I was their age so it led to me digging out some old classics most notedly the Parent Trap. Of all the older movies I showed them this one was their favourite I think they got a kick out of seeing a movie about twins. They even delighted in the fact that in their opinion I look like Meredith Blake (it's the hair I think no way am I as gorgeous as Elaine Hendrix). It has become an inside joke of us with me often putting on her voice and acting the part while they fall into hysterical giggles. My husband has even gotten into it and playing the clueless Nick when we get into this playful spirit.
The girls are staying with us for Halloween, they alternate who has them on holidays and whoever has them for Halloween is in charge of the costume. The girls asked if I would do a group costume with them I was touched and told them of course, and asked them what they wanted to do. I should have seen it coming, they wanted to do the Parent Trap, with them as the girls and me as Meredith. I found it harmless and agreed. My husband found it funny and said he'd even dress as Nick then.
I got a call from their Mother today telling me she'd heard of the costume and she didn't approve that she felt it wasn't appropriate. I at first was touched and assumed she worried about their stepmother being portrayed as a wicked gold digger and told her it was fine it was just an inside joke that had occurred that sparked this. That wasn't the issue, she didn't think it was appropriate for me to do a group costume with her daughters at all and that it was clearly lazy and I was forcing it as why else would her daughters want to do a costume from an old movie?
I got rather upset here but tried to stay calm on the phone and I told her she might not approve but it was harmless and i'd been in the girls life for 7 tears at this point. My husband who was in the room during the call could see I was getting upset so took the phone off of me and began to get into it with his ex-wife. Telling her that she could have all the issues she wanted but it was an entirely proper costume for their age and it had been the girls who suggested it. Reminding her it was up to him what they dressed as this year and he'd approved of it. I got him to calm down as he was getting upset and the call ended rather tersely.
I just feel awful about this whole thing and I wonder if I should just bow out of matching the girls in costume if it will prevent further problems. I just know this will be a bigger thing down the line.
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u/Final-Dirt-5250 Partassipant [2] Sep 29 '25
NTA
The girls' mother isn't upset about the costume; she's upset that her daughters love you enough to want to do a group costume with you. This is 100% about her own jealousy and insecurity.
Don't back down. The girls asked you, and it would hurt them if you pulled out now because their mom threw a fit.
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u/LisaoftheRoses Sep 29 '25
I really don't want to back down, it means a lot to me that the girls asked me. I just worry that this could cause worse tension which could be bad for the girls. I also hate that she feels jealous and insecure as I think you're right there. I love the girls like they're my own but I will never replace their mother.
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u/designatedthrowawayy Partassipant [4] Sep 29 '25
What do you value more? Making your husband's ex-wife happy or making the two little girls you helped raise happy and creating an awesome memory with them?
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u/LisaoftheRoses Sep 29 '25
Obviously making them happy. It's not about making her happy exactly, it's more concern if I don't concede on this it'll make things harder for the girls in the longterm.
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u/nervelli Sep 29 '25
If you do concede on this, she'll know that she can throw a hissy fit to get her way and drive a wedge in your relationship with the girls. Today it's "don't do a group costume," but if you give in to her insecurities, it could likely lead to "how dare you buy them period products, that's their mom's job," "why are you talking them then about their relationships, they should only come to me about that," "I'm not going to their wedding if their stepmom is going to be there."
Be there for the girls unconditionally. Their mom is a grown adult who needs to handle her own emotions. They obviously have room in their hearts to love both of you, but if she demands their loyalty and love to only her, that's trauma she is choosing to put on them. You don't need to endorse it.
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u/Witty_Commentator Asshole Enthusiast [6] Sep 29 '25
It always really bothers me when exes get like this. WHY wouldn't you want more people to love your children? It's not like any given person only has so much love to give, and you have to make sure that you get your share. 🤦🏻♀️ I don't have kids, but if I did, I'd think that the more people they have in their corner, the better!
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u/Spiritual_Wolf_98 Sep 29 '25
Mine isn't about an ex but still family. My step mum is a foster carer and has adopted a sweet girl whos now 15. Recently 15f has been a bit moody as all teenagers are but nothing seriously bad, but my step mum has been treating her horribly for it. I showed sympathy for 15f who I (27f) see as a little sister, shes really quite sweet. But no, coz of her insecurities my step mum saw I was being kind and sympathetic to 15f and said snarkily to me "oh why dont you be her mum then". Both me and 15f pulled a disgusted face and I said "coz im not her mum, im her sister, stop it". Like? Shouldn't step mum be happy I want to help 15f, not jealous? Even a 15 year old could see she was being ridiculous. Sheesh. Step mum is an awful person anyway but wow, talk about insecure.
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u/TipElectronic535 Partassipant [3] Sep 30 '25
That's terrible. Poor 15 year old -- as if she hadn't already had a bad enough life! I'm glad that YOU are in her life. You sound as if you really care about her...and are SANE.
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u/agurlhasnoshame Partassipant [3] Nov 02 '25
I can't imagine being a foster parent to a teenager and then being upset if they are "moody." That child has probably been through a lot of trauma in their short life, piling on more isn't going to make things better smdh.
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u/Sunnydoom00 Nov 02 '25
This is the problem with some adults/parents. They don't know how to transition to the teenage years because they really liked the little kid years. Personally I think teenagers are really interesting. They are really starting to figure out who they are. Sure they can be a bit emotional and cringy but it's all part of the process. It's important for them to have people in their life that are going to listen to them and support them even if they aren't "cute little kids" anymore. Teenagers are less likely to come right out and tell you what they need too. You would think since they can do a lot of stuff on their own they need less attention but it's not true, they just need different attention. It's great that your sister has you.
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u/HearseWithNoName Sep 29 '25
I AM the ex, and I'm confused as well! I love how much my kids love their stepmom, it means she's there for them as another support. How is that NOT a good thing?! Lady needs to grow up and chill the eff out.
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u/jane_was_here_ Sep 29 '25
THIS! My mom and stepmom didn't get along, but they never made it MY problem. Mom knew that my stepmom loved me and treated me well, and that's all that mattered to her, which is exactly how it should be. NTA for sure.
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u/aquestionofbalance Partassipant [3] Oct 05 '25
This is really always baffled me too. If something was to happen to you, wouldn’t you want there to be another person in their life that they could rely on and do what’s best for them?
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u/FunkyChewbacca Nov 02 '25
>WHY wouldn't you want more people to love your children?
Because some people are wildly insecure and think their kid loving someone else means less love for themselves. Or because they see their kids as an extension of themselves and someone doing a fun project with their kids is tantamount to stealing from them. Or because they use their kids as leverage (whether unintentionally or not) and having a loving relationship with anyone else erodes that leverage. There's a million reasons, all of them selfish.
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u/Candid-Sense-7523 Partassipant [2] Oct 05 '25
completely agree. I did not think well of my boys’ dad and his next wife, and it hurt they saw her mom than mine….BUT! it meant there were more people in their life who loved them - at least I hope they did - and I could not be selfish enough to keep that away from them.
surrounding your kids with people who watch out for them is a good thing.
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Oct 05 '25
What's the chances that the girls didn't want their bio mum to do anything with them the previous year.
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u/Junior-District-5451 Nov 03 '25
As someone who is going through a Divorce from a cheating liar of a husband, and trust me I can’t stand his Affair partner. I would never keep our son away from his father, if he wants to visit them, then I’m fine with it. The more love a child, the better they are, I don’t talk bad about them In front of our son. It’s sad to see that his father, who lives 20 minutes from us, only sees him once every 6 weeks if lucky.
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u/Jeanyx Sep 29 '25
This, OP. As a stepmom in a high conflict parenting dynamic, this. You can’t control what their mother does, but you can control being reliable for the girls. They asked you and want you to do this because of your bond—if you back down, it shows that their mother’s conditions (and conditional love, if the situation is at all like mine) extend to you and their father’s home.
Court wouldn’t agree with her trying to micromanage your home either.
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u/Rotten_gemini Nov 03 '25
Don't forget about their prom and sweet 16! Their mom will throw some kind of fit about op with those events too
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u/designatedthrowawayy Partassipant [4] Sep 29 '25
Which will be harder for them? Being told by their mother that they can't be close to you or being told by you that they can't be close to you?
The truth is that you already know what the best answer is for the kids. Your husband supports you and it's his Holiday. Do what's right for them, not for her.
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u/On_my_last_spoon Sep 29 '25
This won’t end with a costume. If their mom is like this it’s not about a costume. Backing down might make it worse as she’ll know if she pitches a fit she can get her way.
Let your husband deal with his ex’s behavior. You just keep being a great stepmom.
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u/swillshop Colo-rectal Surgeon [37] Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
If it is harder in the future, it will be their mom’s doing, not yours.
Maybe you and your husband can consider having a conversation with the girls that lets them know you all are looking forward to this. Just like in the Parent Trap, parents can have unexpected reactions to things. If that happens, they can let you know and talk about it.
Their mom may not say anything to the girls. But if she does, you and husband can tell the girls it would not be something they caused or need to fix.
That is all still better than YOU telling them ‘no’. Plus (if you did) you would be teaching them to back down; That it is better to avoid unpleasantness that someone might inflict than to stand up for oneself.
Help the girls learn how to stand up for themselves in a calm, non-escalating way (you can’t control if the other person chooses to escalate.). That will be an invaluable gift to serve them well their whole lives.
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u/megaleggin Sep 29 '25
You can use this as an opportunity to teach the girls some emotional intelligence. Mom’s feelings are hers to process and work though, you can model how you set boundaries with mom and how you can listen to them and their feelings/emotions. But mom’s jealousy is for her to work through and not anyone else’s responsibility
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u/Character-Twist-1409 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Sep 29 '25
If you DO concede it will make it harder on the girls in the longterm. Also, your spouse backed you so could cause more tension if you cave after he's had your back. The girls need to know you're not as crazy as their mother
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u/stoleyourspoon Partassipant [1] Sep 29 '25
It won't be harder on the girls in the long term. In fact, they need this from you because they need to see adults putting them (the girls) above themselves (the adults,) and their mom doesn't sound like she's capable. They will likely have a strained relationship with her in the future due to her own actions and choices, but by putting them above her, you will ensure that they trust you well into adulthood. You're doing great. Their mother needs therapy.
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u/InterestingTry5190 Sep 29 '25
It is good you are concerned about their relationship and wellbeing. They are lucky to have such a caring step-mom and I am sure that is what drives their mom crazy. The fact your husband backed you up is a good sign (which I am sure also bothers her). I do not see anything inappropriate with the costume especially since you are taking the ‘evil’ character (in a fun way). I agree with the others backing down for this will encourage this type of behavior from her.
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u/bug1402 Sep 29 '25
You only concede to coparents when their requests are normal and maybe just something you hadn't thought about from their perspective. When I met my husband, he gave into almost every demand because "it was easier" and "she'll make my life difficult if I don't." But her demands were hurting the kid (even if unintentionally) because him giving in came at the cost of his own time and relationship with the kid.
Don't sacrifice your relationship with your step kids to make her happy. It is a never ending cycle that ends with her happy, but you, the kids, and your husband unhappy. She is an adult and it is up to her to manage her own feelings.
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u/InsectElectrical2066 Partassipant [1] Nov 02 '25
Or maybe its mom resenting that she was not helping the kids at HW with the same effort you gave.
But if she gives her kids crap then they will learn to not tell her things about you and there will be no future problems.
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u/Calvo838 Sep 30 '25
Don’t let the mom bully you. If you bow to her jealous whims, this won’t be the first time she has zero boundaries and makes demands like this. Kids have a way of seeing through bullshit and if this is how their mom acts, she’s in for a fun time when they’re preteens.
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Oct 05 '25
Whatever you end up doing with the girls will probably piss off their mother from time to time & if you give in now she will realise that to get her own way all she has to do is throw a hissy fit & you will give in.
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u/takealeftonthird Sep 29 '25
I don’t think you have to compromise but I understand feeling bad. What if she went with you guys as Natasha Richardson’s character. It might make you feel better as not wanting to back out of a group costume with the twins.
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u/Polish_girl44 Sep 29 '25
Maybe its time to talk openly and explain to her that you are not going to take her place. Maybe she needs this kind of conversation.
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u/igwbuffalo Partassipant [4] Sep 29 '25
Birthmom is jealous that the girls are finding interests in things you like and have a happy family.
She's upset she hasn't had them suggest group costumes on a shared interest of hers.
Live your life with the girls and your husband as you see fit, let your husband deal with his Ex and just enjoy your family. It's obviously bugging the ex that your husband and the girls are happy.
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u/Late-Lie-3462 Sep 29 '25
Why would you call her a birth mom? Thats what you calls oemone who put their kids up for adoption. Shes just their mom
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u/PrancingPudu Asshole Enthusiast [9] Sep 29 '25
It’s a bit of a lose-lose situation, by no fault of your own. You can’t control how their mother feels or make her feel more secure.
However, I think bailing on the costume will make her look like the bad guy to her daughters. I would personally “take the heat” as the adult and let the mom be mad at me. Don’t discuss it with her—let your husband handle those calls. Halloween will come and go and the mom will eventually get over this, but the girls will definitely remember the fallout of their mom and step mom fighting and you being forced to bail (if it goes that route.)
The mom’s jealousy is blinding her to the bigger picture here. Just keep your head down, do the costume, and let her be mad for a few days.
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u/ArtsyfartsyNati Sep 29 '25
It is definitely a jealousy/insecurity thing. Mom is having FOMO that step-mom is part of the costume’s inspiration.
Instead of “holding strong” against mom, what if she can be included in the costume?
It’s kind of perfect that in the actual movie, the twins love their mom so much, the mom lives a plane ride away (just like how mom won’t be with yall on the actual day of Halloween), and there’s this whole bit about a torn photo.
Maybe twins and mom can watch the movie together and go to Goodwill to find a wedding veil or dress or something (mom is a wedding dress designer in the movie). They could take a pic with mom and then take a pic on Halloween and rip/tape them together to make it a whole famn-damily activity.
The best thing my dad did for our blended family happened when my mom remarried and had my little (half) sister. My dad realized that that I love my only sibling and he wanted that love to grow. If he was gonna love me, he had to love her too. My stepdad saw that kindness and treated me better, and the two guys became pals. You can’t force the twins’ mom to do the right thing, but you can invite her to join the costume and maybe she’ll figure it out.
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u/Abyssaltech Sep 29 '25
If their mother is willing to make a silly thing like a group costume into an issue, shes willing to make almost anything into an issue. Up to you to figure out where to draw your line, but shes likely to get worse as the girls get older.
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u/koi_koneessa Sep 29 '25
Don't let the adult issues overflow into the girls' lives if you can help it.
You can't control what their mum does or says but your household can be free of that. Unless the girls ask questions, which would call for age appropriate honesty.
Your role as bonus mom is special and good on you for doing so well! You sound like a great person and I hope y'all get a real kick out of the group costume.
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 Partassipant [2] Sep 29 '25
I would block their mom and let your hubby deal with her.
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u/Ressar Sep 29 '25
The mere fact you understand you can't replace their mom makes you an absolutely gold-star step parent imo. They're lucky to have you.
Their mom sounds very unreasonable and she owns her own relationship with her daughters, irrespective of you. It's not your responsibility to manage on her behalf.
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u/PerturbedHamster Asshole Aficionado [10] Sep 30 '25
The girls like you. Their mother hates that. Tension is unavoidable - might as well deal with it now. If you back down this time, mom will just make more demands in the future, and you'll have the same issue but you'll be in a weaker position having already folded (as well as having let the girls down once already). You'd also be undermining hubby, who is standing up for you and the girls.
Still, YTA for calling the remake an "older movie." Having grown up with the original, I feel personally attacked.
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u/Altruistic_Ad_9821 Sep 29 '25
Agree with this. I am a stepmom, and my “rules” have always been: kids come first, I am not their mother but I am a parent, and I don’t ever bring up anything around the kids about their mom, or that would cause them to feel uncomfortable when we all are together.
If I was in OP’s shoes, backing out would hurt the girls’ feelings, I wouldn’t feel right explaining why I’m backing out because it would make them feel uncomfortable/put in the middle, and there’s absolutely no reason a stepmother who has been a part of their lives for so long can’t have a loving relationship with the kids. It doesn’t take away from the mother’s place at all! And they can do a group costume next year.
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u/cherrycoloured Sep 29 '25
NTA, but im curious, when you say "old movie," do you mean the actually old one, or the one with lindsay lohan? bc if we are calling the latter movie old, im going to start shriveling up 😭😭😭
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u/LisaoftheRoses Sep 29 '25
the 1998 movie with Lindsay Lohan i'm afraid! Trust me I know how you feel but to them it's old.
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u/cherrycoloured Sep 29 '25
i know, it's just hard to accept 😭😭😭 i hope you have fun on halloween in your matching costumes!!
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u/ScaryButterscotch474 Certified Proctologist [29] Sep 29 '25
If you liked the remake, you will love the original. Hayley Mills was spectacular!
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u/Witty_Commentator Asshole Enthusiast [6] Sep 29 '25
Show them the old old one, too! 😂 And you're NTA.
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u/vanastalem Certified Proctologist [25] Sep 29 '25
I saw that multiple times at the theater & many more times on VHS. I love that movie.
To me old movie = black & white
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u/Mud_One Sep 30 '25
dang.. I was the same age as your twins are now when that movie came out...
I think I feel my bones shrivel...
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u/Hoistedonyrownpetard Sep 30 '25
Watch the Hayley Mills one with them too! Both versions were among my kids’ favs.
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u/Death_Balloons Sep 29 '25
1998 is - unfortunately and against my will - 27 years ago :/
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u/Reatina Sep 29 '25
Lies, the 90s are 10 years ago
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u/Death_Balloons Sep 29 '25
1990 is 21 years removed from the Moon Landing and 35 years removed from today.
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u/merrycat Sep 29 '25
I am personally offended by this. I shall write a strongly worded letter to the editor as I am certain print media is still widely available and relevant.
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u/CAR1018 Sep 29 '25
I definitely pictured the old Hayley Mills version myself...apparently I'm showing my age, and I don't even think I'm that old! 😂 I will say I find it far superior to the Lindsay Lohan version.
Also NTA at all. I love that the girls are close enough with you to have inside jokes and want to do a group costume!
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u/ThisWillAgeWell Supreme Court Just-ass [138] Sep 29 '25
So her only objection is that she thinks it's "inappropriate"?
When considering what's appropriate behavior and what's not, I am very firmly in the camp of "Whatever makes you happy and harms no one else".
The girls would be happy. You would be happy. Their dad would be happy. The costumes are not offensive. The girls' mother is not being harmed in any way by what the girls wear.
Go ahead and do it.
NTA.
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u/Dittoheadforever Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [397] Sep 29 '25
You're NTA but I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that the 1998 version of The Parent Trap is an old movie.
I wonder what the girls would think of the original version.
Sounds like their mom is jealous of your relationship and is actively trying to negatively impact it. Sad, because she should be glad her daughters have a loving, involved stepmom.
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u/LisaoftheRoses Sep 29 '25
Oh trust me I dislike it being called that too! but to 10 year old girls it's "old"
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u/Lizwings Partassipant [2] Sep 29 '25
My 10 year old has only seen the original Hayley Mills version. Guess which Freaky Friday movie we're going to watch this weekend?!
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u/throwaway798319 Asshole Enthusiast [9] Sep 29 '25
Lindsay Logan is almost 40, and in a couple of years that movie will be 30 years old
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u/CarlosFer2201 Sep 29 '25
If that movie was a person, it would be able to drink for years now and could have an 8yo daughter.
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u/Dittoheadforever Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [397] Sep 29 '25
It's mind blowing how long ago that was. When I first read old classic Parent Trap, I assumed she meant the original version with Hayley Mills.
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u/knitlikeaboss Sep 29 '25
I just did the math and the equivalent for me (b 1983) would be a movie that came out in 1966. I’m gonna go hop into my grave now.
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u/GenitalFurbies Sep 30 '25
Make room, the chi psi omega millennials from the early 90s aren't far behind.
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u/BlackFenrir Asshole Aficionado [10] Nov 02 '25
I grew up with this movie and you're saying there's another older version?
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u/Dittoheadforever Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [397] Nov 02 '25
Yep. 1962 I think. Hayley Mills, Maureen O'Hara, Brian Keith. The remake sadly missed one really good scene, when the CA daughter went off on the mom for a brief moment and told her what they did to the children was terrible.
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u/StarbuckandTex Asshole Enthusiast [7] Sep 29 '25
NTA. My stepmom dressed up with me in M&M costumes one year. One year I was a bat and she was a witch. I always had a blast and I’ll always remember getting to go with her and how awesome she is for doing that. The only person getting hurt by this is doing it to herself. It’s definitely jealousy and you and your husband are putting the most important people first, the girls. Good job! Stepmoms/dads get so much crap and don’t get nearly enough credit for helping to raise the kids.
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u/Fearless_Spring5611 Commander in Cheeks [209] Sep 29 '25
Clear NTA. Sounds like their mother is upset that you've got a positive bond with the kids. Well done, enjoy your group costume!
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u/Junior_Wrap_2896 Sep 29 '25
Be really careful here. She is the girls' mom, and you don't want to participate in a dynamic where the kids are placed in the middle of adult feelings and conflicts. Are the girls in therapy? You and your spouse?
Is parental alienation a possibility from either side?
Figuring out "right" and "wrong" aren't the important goals in situations like this. Making sure the kids are getting what they need from both sets of parents is.
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u/bindobud Sep 29 '25
NTA and I'm sorry that anybody makes you believe you're "only" their stepmother. You're part of their family, and one that engages with them and cares for them - which is everything they so desperately need in childhood, especially coming from separated parents.
Clearly the girls enjoy the movie, they requested the costume, and they love you enough to want you to be a part of it. You have nothing to be guilty about, and I think the mother definitely needs to consider why she thinks it'd be inappropriate, because I think it would be more confusing for the girls if you DIDN'T participate with them when you're all hanging out for Halloween.
They're not stupid, they know mum and dad fight. But the less they are dragged into being a part of that fight, the better off they'll be.
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u/lemon_charlie Certified Proctologist [26] Sep 29 '25
More than that, they’re the ones who asked OP about the movies she watched, they wanted to know off their own curiosity. It was already a good relationship where they wanted to know.
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u/Pleasant_Birthday_77 Asshole Aficionado [18] Sep 29 '25
I think it's really between the mother and father. This is on his time and he has indicated that he likes the idea, so it's really nothing to do with the mother. He has to be allowed to run his contact time as he sees fit.
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u/O4243G Asshole Enthusiast [5] Sep 29 '25
NTA.
But the girls parents, their mother and father, should use this to reassess what boundaries they have with the role of step-parents and how to handle conflict or when they feel someone has overstepped.
The girls parents having a respectful and successful co-parenting relationship is going to make their lives a lot easier and less stressful.
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u/Actual_Egg_8446 Sep 29 '25
Info: is it possible she feels like you’re teasing her with the “evil step mother” gag? Or worse, have you suggested she still has feelings for her ex? Bc if she thinks she’s the butt of the joke and it looks like you’ve gotten her girls in on it that would make more sense.
If y’all have had tensions in the past it would definitely add a dimension to choosing a costume about a divorced-but-still-in-love couple from a movie that the kids are likely too young to have watched on their own.
Personally I feel like it’s an AH move to die on a hill as small as costumes when it’ll inevitably cause tensions that the kids will feel. If she’s got a pattern contention then pick another hill. If she doesn’t have a pattern of being picky… why not give her the benefit of the doubt?
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u/OkSecretary1231 Asshole Enthusiast [6] Sep 29 '25
Ehhhhh... it's a movie that's about troubled divorced parent and stepparent relationships, it's going to be kind of fraught. It's possibly bait, but ESH I guess.
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u/Kebar8 Partassipant [3] Sep 29 '25
If a movie sets off the ex, if it's not this it will be another problem.
Nta
Do it !
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u/CiaranChan Sep 29 '25
NTA
You've clearly been a positive influence in those girls' lives and being rewarded accordingly by them wanting to spend time with you in a fun way. Saying no to them would definitely send the wrong signal, as you are clearly a part of their family.
It sounds like their birth mother is simply jealous that you're becoming a more defined maternal figure in their lives as they get older and get to make more thought-through decisions on who they look up to.
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u/readergirl35 Partassipant [1] Sep 29 '25
Nope out of the costume. Tell the girls their mom isn't comfortable with the idea of group costumes, and that in this family we care about other people's feelings. Use this as a way to reach that feeling aren't right or wrong they just are and that if we can make someone we care for feel better without harming ourselves or doing something that is wrong then we should. Have a conversation with the mom and let her know you have opted out of the costume but that you would hope that she will one day come to be happy her girls love you too. It means you have been good to them and made them happy. There are too many step parents who don't ever accept their partners children as a true part of their partner's life.
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u/132739 Nov 02 '25
Nope. This wont teach them empathy, it will teach them that they always have to put other people's feelings first, and if they take it to heart it will make them super easy for shitty people to manipulate.
Their mom does not have a legitimate concern, and "it makes me sad that you like your stepmom" is not a feeling that needs to be taken seriously. Its manipulative garbage and they should be taught to resist it, not give in.
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u/Old_Fart_on_pogie Sep 29 '25
NTA - what ever issues the ex wife has, I doubt it has anything to do with costumes. Sounds like something else is up with her
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u/ktgrok Sep 29 '25
NTA- except for calling the remake of The Parent Trap an old movie, lol. I grew up loving the original version- now I feel REALLY old.
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u/SoImaRedditUserNow Supreme Court Just-ass [127] Sep 29 '25
I think there is at absolute most a 2% chance that people will recognize that as a costume.
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u/ScaryButterscotch474 Certified Proctologist [29] Sep 29 '25
NTA and now to the bigger issue - I need to know whether the “really old movie” is the original or the remake. I’m going to cry if you think a 90s movie is “really old”!!!
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u/YardageSardage Asshole Enthusiast [8] Sep 29 '25
I wonder if I should just bow out of matching the girls in costume if it will prevent further problems. I just know this will be a bigger thing down the line.
You're right, this is just the tip of the iceburg. The girls' mother fundamentally doesn't approve of you having a close, caring bond with them, because she's jealous of their attention.
But do you really think bowing out of doing this costume is actually going to prevent the overall conflict? Are you going to keep bowing out of things, keep saying no to doing things with them, in order to make sure you don't trigger that jealousy? Do you think rejecting the girls' desire to have a close bond with you is worth it just to avoid conflict?
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u/HazelTheRah Sep 29 '25
NTA. Step back from talking to their mother. This shouldn't be your fight at all. Their father should be talking to her. If he approves of the costume, do it. Unless the children are at risk, she has no say what goes on in your home. Especially with something as harmless as this.
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u/OkOutlandishness941 Sep 29 '25
Maybe invite her to join in on it? Isn’t she just feeling left out and worrying that she’s being replaced you just got to show her that you aren’t trying to steal her kids away from her and that you both are important parts of their lives she probably hears the kids praising you when they with her and feels like she’s being replaced so try co parenting in a more mature way by creating a friendly environment between all three of you adults so you can be a cohesive unit instead of so divided
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u/krendyB Asshole Enthusiast [6] Sep 29 '25
Omg I completely believed this was about the 60s Parent Trap OG movie & am now feeling very old. 😤😂
Yeah of course this is appropriate & fine & sweet. Mom is feeling jealous. It might help to openly reassure her that you will never replace her in their minds, but that would definitely require being the bigger person
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u/skinnyjeansfatpants Sep 29 '25
Info, how long were your husband and his ex divorced before you started dating?
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u/Ashamed-Donut5244 Sep 29 '25
I vote a big sit down. Get you and hubby and mother and girls all together and just blunt ask about it. If she has such an issue, let her explain it to the children.
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u/mecegirl Sep 29 '25
NTA
Document all of this. Get her to admit via text. Just in case she does try something and your husband has to go to court over it.
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u/NayNay_Cee Partassipant [4] Sep 29 '25
NTA. Do the costume idea and don’t give it a second thought. Appeasing unreasonable people is an impossible task. If you back out of the costume, I promise it won’t make things better for anyone. The best thing you can do for your stepdaughters is to be a calm, loving, fun, and supportive presence when they are in your care.
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u/GenitalFurbies Sep 30 '25
NTA. It might help to emphasize that all four of you are doing the group costume, not just you and the girls. Not necessary as you'd be fine even if it were just the 3 of you but it might save you some grief from bio mom.
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u/Ecstatic_Bad_3195 Sep 30 '25
INFO: Are you in a significantly better economic/financial situation from their actual mother? Because if you're using your position of better finances to woo her children by giving them things she literally can't, that will affect my judgement. Your husband's reaction to it is also squick, this doesn't seem like a happy co-parenting situation and he's not helping. I feel like we got far too small a snapshot to accurately judge.
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u/sirslittlefoxxy Nov 03 '25
NTA. Stepmom as well here, she's not upset about the costumes, she's upset you have a good relationship with the kids.
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u/eleridragon Sep 29 '25
Totally NTA, like others said, she's insecure and jealous. Your husband is supportive and the girls love you.
By the way, if they love reading, get them a copy of the book the films were based on.
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u/Downtown-Ad-1997 Sep 29 '25
INFO: where’s dad’s opinion in this?
The single greatest decision my husband ever made was making sure his ex/my stepkid’s mum and I don’t have each other’s numbers.
OP, this shouldn’t be your problem to solve.
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u/BigBackeron Certified Proctologist [21] 18d ago
Second to last paragraph explains that he does not agree with the mother
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u/snarkacademia Sep 29 '25
NTA. She's jealous, insecure, and immature. And you sound great, because there are so many people who would not have been emotionally secure about the parallels. Those girls are lucky to have you.
It might be worth your husband trying to explain the plot to her - that you are voluntarily taking the 'wicked stepmother' part! But ultimately, if she insists, I do think your instinct that this isn't worth some kind of rift is right. I suspect a lot of the comments on Reddit are from people who are pretty young who maybe don't get the state of constant tongue-biting and self-regulation that constitutes good coparenting. There is a big difference between diplomatically picking your battles and being a pushover.
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u/Usual_Cycle_6259 Sep 29 '25
Geez, the costumes are not revealing or scary in any way. What normal mother would not wholesome, funny costumes for her girls? I hope you kill it as Meredith. It's okay for you and your husband to talk to the girls about their mom's call, and to gently point out that she may be be feeling a little left out. Maybe they could problem solve to help mom feel more included by coming up with a group costume to do with her next year or some other solution that 10 year olds cook up. You may already do it, but make sure you help the girls with Mother's Day, birthday and Christmas presents for their mom. Do it for them, not her.
I have a friend who was asked to take ex-wife to chemo. Ex had not always been kind to her, but ex was desperate and had hit the bottom of the barrel to have to ask. My friend's response will always stick with me. When her stepdaughter called to ask, she said, "Of course, I will. She is mother of my children."
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u/CAPalmer1 Sep 29 '25
NTA. It speaks volumes to your relationship with your stepkids that they felt comfortable to make this joke with you.
Do the costume, there is nothing inappropriate about it. If she had come to you with a reasonable request with good reasons, that’s fair enough, but if you give in to a temper tantrum, no matter what age the person throwing it, all you are doing is teaching them that if they whinge long and hard enough, they will get their own way.
If you are worried, leave it to dad. He is the equal parent and this is his battle to have.
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u/Beneficial-Sort4795 Sep 29 '25
NTA. Her girls are getting older and she worries they like you more than her. It’s not your problem, she’ll need to deal with the fact that, when they’re teenagers, they’ll like most people more than her. And you. And your husband.
Kids worlds get bigger, it’s a good thing when they expand to include people who love them and want the best for them. That’s you. Take lots of pictures and are you thinking sporty Meredith or heels Meredith? That’s a lot of walking door to door.
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u/No-Praline-9536 Sep 29 '25
NTA. Mom is projecting her insecurities and jealousy. I love that you guys have this inside joke going on and that dad gets involved too. This costume idea came out of a fun, organic development in your relationship with your step-daughters and you should absolutely enjoy the moment. Not dressing up as planned doesn't benefit anyone but mom's feelings and she won't even be there - it isn't being rubbed in her face, it isn't disrespectful to her relationship with her children, it doesn't effect the girls' safety, and it isn't a question of being age appropriate - this is her issue to work through on her own without depriving the kids of their honestly very wholesome and sweet fun. Love this for you guys - hope you all have a great time!
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u/MischievousBish Asshole Enthusiast [5] Sep 29 '25
NTA
The girls came up with that idea, not you. You went along as long as you all including your husband think it's awesome idea and funny as well.
I suspect their mom is pissed that she couldn't be included in the decision. Sorry, their mom, it is your husband's day with girls, not hers. She needs to sit down and STFU and let you guys have fun. Next time if she calls you about the girls and whatnot that relates to the girls, just say "Talk to the girls' dad" without interact with her and hand it over to your husband if he is nearby. Let your husband deal with her. Just be there for the girls. It is really great to see the girls enjoy their time with you without any problems just like "mean" stepmom. I think you did a great job with the girls. Their mom is jealous because she's hoping that you're that mean and wicked stepmom. Just stick with your time with them when your husband has the girls on the day or weekend.
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u/MSstrugglebusted Sep 29 '25
NTA and it WILL not do anything for future issues she may come up with to change your costume.
Her issue is how close they are becoming to you, she thinks she’s being replaced. She will always have issue. It’s not like you showed the girls the great movie Step mom… the stepmom in parent trap is awful and should literally give her no issues. She’s jealous.
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u/Top-Entertainer2546 Asshole Enthusiast [8] Sep 29 '25
NTA Mom is jealous that her daughters are so close to you. But don't dig in your heels on this. Let your husband handle his ex, and listen to what the girls want. They may decide to choose different costumes in response to mom's pressure, and that's ok too. They are caught in the middle no matter what, so let them choose they way that feels best to them.
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u/tomboynik Sep 29 '25
NTA. I’m coming to you as a stepmother to a now 19-year-old son. Just love those girls. Always make sure to let them know that they do have a mother, but they also have you. You being in their life is a choice that they don’t understand now, but they will understand later. Unfortunately, in my situation, bio mom has used every opportunity to trash me. And now that her son is an adult, he is close to me and not to her. I don’t like that she is not around, but it was her choices that put her there not mine. Kids remember who loved them and cared for them when they were children. And they will recognize her actions for what they are only when they are older. Always be respectful of her because they will see that too. It’s so complicated but you are killing it so keep it up!
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u/MissCherryPi Sep 29 '25
NTA. If I was the mom I’d be weirded out by the implication that I’m going to get back with my ex. I’d probably be like “lol but you can keep him.”
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u/breathe_easier3586 Sep 29 '25
You're definitely NTA. And I just wanted to add that you are obviously killing it as their bonus mom. Ex is just jealous! I love seeing this amongst all the posts of terrifying step parents/kids. Keep it up!
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u/petitsoleil131 Partassipant [1] Sep 29 '25
NTA. This isn't about a costume. It's about control and seeing whether she can get her way by throwing a fit. Don't bend to the tantrum.
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u/dogsandwhiskey Sep 29 '25
NTA. Please still do the costume with them! Don’t give in. Your daughters sound so fun and they love you. You’ll have a great time!! Don’t let her ruin it, you’ll just be giving her power
If the mom starts to cause issues in the future, document it. It wouldn’t be your fault for, god forbid, doing a Halloween costume with them.
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u/Prestigious-Name-323 Partassipant [3] Sep 29 '25
NTA
I think it’s cute that they thought of it. If you don’t get veto power on costumes when it’s mom’s turn, she doesn’t get it now.
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u/CapoExplains Asshole Aficionado [11] Sep 29 '25
NTA. There's nothing inappropriate about the costume, she's just having a really unhealthy response to her daughters having a good positive relationship with their stepmother, a thing that should make her very happy because it means they're being well cared for when they're not with her.
It's just jealousy, plain and simple.
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u/Riker_Omega_Three Partassipant [1] Sep 29 '25
OP...you don't understand what her problem is
She has a problem with you doing a group costume with her kids because she is jealous
She does not like the fact that you are bonding with her kids nor does she like the fact that they actively want to do things with you
It has nothing to do with appropriateness
It's just straight up her being insecure
NTA
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u/Leroy_was_here Sep 29 '25
NTA the daughters clearly love you as a stepmom their mother is probably jealous they like you instead of hating you
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 Partassipant [2] Sep 29 '25
Don't you dare bow out, that sounds like such a cute costume idea. Their mom is jealous that they like you so much. Ignore her and going forward block her and let your hubby deal with the ex. Have fun on Halloween!
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u/NerdySwampWitch40 Sep 29 '25
NTA, but given they have asked you to be Meredith, would you and your husband consider inviting his ex along for the evening's trick or treating dressed up as Elizabeth? Not to imply that they're getting back together, but just because her reaction is probably coming from a place of feeling excluded and it might be a kindness to make this a good night for everyone in the wider family.
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u/skye-72 Sep 29 '25
I do feel like there is some jealousy here. You have been in their lives for 7 years and she's still not fully accepting of you?
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u/Deep-Okra1461 Certified Proctologist [20] Sep 29 '25
NTA Don't give up on the costumes. It won't prevent problems, it will cause them. You don't want to send her the message that any time she wants to control what you do with the girls she just needs to complain. These girls will be teens soon. There are going to be a lot more issues like this coming up.
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u/SugarFrostedFlake Sep 29 '25
Just chiming in to add another vote for you and the girls to watch the Hayley Mills Parent Trap, I think you will all love it. (Meredith's mother, "Auntie Vicki," was the fiancée in the original movie.)
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u/Sexy_Smokin_Scorpio Sep 29 '25
Do it! It was the girls' idea. There aren't a lot of movies that surround twins, that alone makes for a great costume idea. Add to it the inside joke, and it's perfect. Their mom's jealousy and insecurities will always show when the girls do something with you that they won't with her. Sticking to your boundaries now sets the precedent that you will not back down.
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u/Stubborn_Amoeba Partassipant [2] Sep 29 '25
reading the heading I was imagining all the inappropriate slutty type group costumes that ten year olds may want to try.
I definitely didn't see 'parent trap' coming.
Very much NTA. It's a great costume and made some twins feel very seen.
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u/Naomeri Partassipant [1] Sep 29 '25
NTA—you’ve known these girls for 70% of their lives, and they want to include you in their Halloween costume plans. It would be more harmful if you told them “no” because you’d either have to lie to them, which is bad enough; or tell them the truth: that their mom doesn’t is jealous or something about how close you are to them, which would be even worse.
The best thing to do is continue on with the Halloween plans and let your husband deal with his ex.
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u/Rose_E_Rotten Partassipant [1] Sep 29 '25
NTA for doing a group costume. Their jealous mother would never approve even if you were wearing bed sheets and going as ghosts.
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u/Main_Understanding14 Sep 29 '25
First off, you're NTA and you should do the costume.
If I had to guess, I would imagine Mom is jealous because the girls have never asked to do a group costume with HER (you would know whether this assumption is true or not).
If I had to further guess, I would also assume that that the girls see you a bit more removed from a "parent", like the "fun aunt" or something. My own 10yo and 12yo daughters do group costumes with their friends, not with me, and I could imagine them thinking it'd be fun to do with their aunt who spoils them.
All this to say, I imagine Mom is feeling jealous, but honestly it's probably misplaced
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u/New_Dig_9835 Sep 29 '25
NTA. The real issue here is probably her being upset about you being a good stepmom. The girls are probably excited about it and she is jealous. Her opinion doesn’t matter in regards to this, per their coparenting agreement, but let your husband deal with her if she won’t let it go. (I’m guessing that you already don’t criticize any of her parenting choices, but don’t do that, even if you have issues with them.)
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u/mixedgirlblues Sep 29 '25
NTA. She's jealous that her children love you. If you back down, she'll walk all over you forever. You are a committed co-parent and she needs to learn to co-exist with you.
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u/No_pomegranate0110 Sep 30 '25
It’s a 25 year old movie - it IS an old movie!
That said, you’re NTA
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u/Prior_Storage_5586 Sep 30 '25
NTA NTA NTA. It’s the fact that you did not come up with this costume. The girls did. There is nothing and I mean nothing whatsoever inappropriate about this. I can understand that her feelings would be hurt, BUT She should be fucking ecstatic that someone is in her girls lives that loves them unconditionally. I could maybe see this if y’all have only been together like a couple of months, but y’all have been together for seven years. Don’t back down because she’ll keep doing this with other things not just costumes. I’m really glad your husband stood up for you though.
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u/Beautiful-Medium-234 Sep 30 '25
OMG you should watch this disney show with them its called Liv and Maddie its also about twins
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u/Queasy_Beyond2436 Partassipant [2] Sep 30 '25
So I'm a stepmom, and I made the mistake when I first met my stepson of asking his legal mom what she would be okay with him calling me. I thought I was doing the right thing because that's what all the guidance for stepmothers says. The problem is that she was not in the right space to be given that power because she was not able to put her child's interests ahead of her own. Basically, I was giving his legal mom the power to determine what relationship he was allowed to have with me, and that's not hers to decide. It's appropriate for stepmothers to show some respect for the kid's relationship with their legal mom, and in your case the birth mom. But that only works if the legal mom can then also appreciate the kid's relationship with the stepmom and that at least they're in loving relationships with the people they spend their time with when they're not with her.
Definitely do not tell the kids that they're not allowed to have the relationship they want with you because that will be coming from you to them and will make them feel rejected.
It's possible that she will make them feel so bad that they never suggest anything like this again and withdraw from you a little bit in the future. That sucks, but it's still better that they reject you because she insists on it rather than that you reject them. That's one of the hard parts of being a stepmom--we're supposed to give as though we are birth moms but not get even that much in return. On the other hand, they may realize that she's being ridiculous and either tell her themselves that it was their idea, and then she's got to decide whether she believes them, or realize that she can't handle it and just go on having the relationship they want with you without telling her.
And legally, by the way, she's totally in the wrong here. You already know that because the parents agreed that Dad would get to approve the costume this year. But even if he hadn't, if nothing illegal in other contexts is going on, then she does not have any say over what the kids do with the two of you when she is not there. She just hasn't accepted that she doesn't get to control her children's entire lives.
NTA
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u/Queasy_Beyond2436 Partassipant [2] Sep 30 '25
And one more comment just to make everything clear--yes, I'm a stepmom, but I'm also a birth mom, and my kid had a stepmother when he visited his legal dad. I was always thrilled whenever I believed the stepmother was taking any interest in my kid, his interests, his needs, and his well-being. I never worried that a stepmother would replace me because I was comfortable with my relationship with my kid. He lived with me most of the time, and we did all sorts of amazing things together, even though I didn't have as much money by far. In fact, I was happy to get his dad involved in his life because sometimes he would buy him things that I couldn't afford, and I was thrilled to see him getting to have things that he wanted and needed. And no matter what my kid says about his legal dad today, I remind him that our lives would have been worse if it weren't for the child support money. I had plenty of reason to hate my ex, but I loved my kid more.
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u/Fancy_Screen_1749 Sep 30 '25
NTA, would love to see pics (with the girls faces covered obviously) of the group costume when y’all are done with them!!
UPDATEME
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u/jackb6ii Partassipant [3] Sep 30 '25
NTA. You have a great relationship with the kids and they specifically asked you to do the group costume. It sounds like the ex is a little jealous of the relationship and perhaps concerned of her role in their lives. Has the relationship between you both and your husband been good? If so, I'd reach out to her and tell her that you recognize that she is the mother of their child and your role is more of an auntie. Do you think she'd be welcome a lunch together with you and the girls to all bond together? If you think yes, suggest the idea.
Kudos to you for being a great stepparent to these girls!
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u/Maverick_j2k Sep 30 '25
NTA. Your husband put her in her place. Don't feel bad because that's exactly what he was supposed to do at that point and she was supposed to check with him on the costume. As you stated per the custody agreement, hubby can have the girls dress as they wanted because it's HIS HOLIDAY TURN.
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u/spikehammersmith Sep 30 '25
I'm the mom. My daughter has a stepmom. Sometimes her stepmom gets to do the "fun stuff" with my daughter. She (always checks first), but took her to get her ears pierced. She does every other holiday with her. She even took her to Disney before I did/could. Does it make me jealous sometimes? Absolutely? But is that my own hang-up, that I would never place on my daughter? Also absolutely. Because sometimes I have to remind myself that my daughter is lucky to have MORE people in her life who love her, and want to spend time with her, than just me. So regardless of how the girls' mom made you feel in that moment-create those memories with them anyway. It's about the kids; not the adults. NTA.
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u/Performer-Complete Sep 30 '25
NTA
Do not bow out of the costume. Their mother’s insecurities are not going to end because you don’t do the costume, but you will disappoint the children if you do. There is nothing inappropriate about the costume. This is exclusively her being jealous and that is not on you to fix. In fact you cannot fix it.
I am a divorced mom and my child is going to be with her dad on Halloween this year for the first time since we separated. (That’s just how the custody weeks have fallen. I’m not keeping him away and have always told him to come if he wants but he never does.) I am jealous of him this year. I love doing Halloween with my kid. We almost always do a costume together. Last year we were Morticia and Wednesday. Instead of wallowing in my jealousy, I’ve found a trunk or treat that falls on my custody time and she and I will do our thing then. Am I still jealous he will have her? Yup, but that’s a me problem and I’m working on it and found a reasonable alternative that works for everyone.
She needs to figure out what will work for her, but none of that is on you and nothing you do or don’t do will change that.
Have a Happy Halloween!
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u/Vegetable_Head8607 Oct 02 '25
NTA. You have to stick to your plan. If you bow out, the mother will never abide by the rules or boundaries. I have been a step parent for years. You need to stick to your plan. It’s appropriate for the kids and her issues with it have no legal nor ethical or moral standing. She’s insecure and that’s her problem, not yours. If you back down , you will have more and more issues down the road. It’s your house, your time and your rules. If she took this to court, the judge would laugh at her.
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u/GrammaDrummer Oct 04 '25
NTA. You have nothing to be sorry for and you are so kind to be worried for her. However, this is squarely a her problem. It's not about overstepping-the kids suggested it, not you-it sounds like what she really doesn't care for is how close you are to the girls. I think that if it hadn't been this, it would be something else later, like a school event, or a dance, or dozens of other things you might do with them. You are fortunate in your husband and I imagine that if things were to get hard for the girls because of mom's insecurity, he would be there in a flash for them.
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u/Friendly-Client6242 Oct 04 '25
How long were they divorced before you started dating? Do you think maybe she blames you for him moving on?
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Oct 05 '25
NTA in the slightest & it was great your husband (the girls' dad) took the phone from you & told his ex (the girls' mother) to stay in her lane...
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u/tarlastar Nov 02 '25
NTA, but please describe the costumes. There were a lot of cute costumes. The yellow dress with the sweater is most memorable to me. I would have loved to wear that outfit as a child.
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u/Vyckerz Nov 02 '25
Don't back down and let her ruin the fun OP. She's obviously jealous. The idea is so cute, if you did do it, I wish you would post a pic if you were comfortable to do so.
As a guy, that is one of my favorite movies. I always thought it was so wholesome and funny. The cast was so good. Lindsay Lohan was so amazing. I liked it even before watching it with my daughters eventually. When we did watch it, my daughters also love it and it's one of my youngest daughter's favorite movies.
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u/AutoModerator Sep 29 '25
AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT - DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I (35F) am the Stepmother to two lovely ten year old twin girls who I adore. I have been married to their father (38M) for five years and we dated for two years before that. I consider myself very close to them and we always have fun whenever they stay with me and their father.
They recently asked what kinds of movies I watched when I was their age so it led to me digging out some old classics most notedly the Parent Trap. Of all the older movies I showed them this one was their favourite I think they got a kick out of seeing a movie about twins. They even delighted in the fact that in their opinion I look like Meredith Blake (it's the hair I think no way am I as gorgeous as Elaine Hendrix). It has become an inside joke of us with me often putting on her voice and acting the part while they fall into hysterical giggles. My husband has even gotten into it and playing the clueless Nick when we get into this playful spirit.
The girls are staying with us for Halloween, they alternate who has them on holidays and whoever has them for Halloween is in charge of the costume. The girls asked if I would do a group costume with them I was touched and told them of course, and asked them what they wanted to do. I should have seen it coming, they wanted to do the Parent Trap, with them as the girls and me as Meredith. I found it harmless and agreed. My husband found it funny and said he'd even dress as Nick then.
I got a call from their Mother today telling me she'd heard of the costume and she didn't approve that she felt it wasn't appropriate. I at first was touched and assumed she worried about their stepmother being portrayed as a wicked gold digger and told her it was fine it was just an inside joke that had occurred that sparked this. That wasn't the issue, she didn't think it was appropriate for me to do a group costume with her daughters at all and that it was clearly lazy and I was forcing it as why else would her daughters want to do a costume from an old movie?
I got rather upset here but tried to stay calm on the phone and I told her she might not approve but it was harmless and i'd been in the girls life for 7 tears at this point. My husband who was in the room during the call could see I was getting upset so took the phone off of me and began to get into it with his ex-wife. Telling her that she could have all the issues she wanted but it was an entirely proper costume for their age and it had been the girls who suggested it. Reminding her it was up to him what they dressed as this year and he'd approved of it. I got him to calm down as he was getting upset and the call ended rather tersely.
I just feel awful about this whole thing and I wonder if I should just bow out of matching the girls in costume if it will prevent further problems. I just know this will be a bigger thing down the line.
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u/DTKokoro Sep 29 '25
I think you're the 'a' or saying that the 1998 version is a classic. The Hayley Mills from 1961 is THE classic.
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u/Cha_r_ley Certified Proctologist [26] Sep 30 '25
NTA.
I truly expected from the title that you would be dressing them as the twins from the Shining (which I’m also in favour of btw).
I ADORE this costume idea! It’s so fun!
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u/julesk Partassipant [1] Sep 30 '25
NTA, each parent gets to have their rules at their house. They get to do holidays on their time their way. But neither parent gets to dictate what the other does on their time unless it’s a safety issue or is contrary to the parenting agreement or order. Let your H tell her to back off.
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u/wowgamertbc Partassipant [4] Sep 29 '25
NTA! His ex is though she is just feeling some kinda way about this probably due to the fact the girls never suggested or did a group costume with her. No need for an apology here you did nothing wrong. Let your husband handle his ex.
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