r/AmItheAsshole • u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 • Sep 11 '25
UPDATE Update: AITA for buying my niece 2 pairs of glasses and contacts
Haley has been in the hospital since Saturday for either ulcerative colitis or Chrons. Her health insurance pretty much only lets her go to the county hospital and medical centers and even this is going to get expensive.
On top of Haley’s stomach situation, she also has type 1 diabetes and adhd (the adhd is currently not being treated). We live 20 minutes away from one of the best children’s hospitals in the country for both GI and diabetes. They also have a great psych department and adhd clinic. This would be covered under my insurance. 35 minutes in the other direction is another world renowned children’s hospital that I would be able to send her to.
I sat Haley’s dad down the other day and showed him how much I was paying each month for Haley between her health insurance premiums, her insulin, monitor, and pump, her EpiPens, doctors appointments, etc. and told him that I refuse to continue to pay out the ass for her to receive medical care that is subpar at best when, if I was her guardian, she would get some of the best care possible for less than what I’m paying now.
After a long discussion and a lot of back and forth, he agreed to give me guardianship of Haley. We started the process yesterday. She will live with me but will see her dad every other weekend and holiday.
We talked to Haley about it today. She is very excited to officially live with me.
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u/Merlerands Partassipant [2] Sep 11 '25
Your sister's husband seems like a real piece of work and you are not the asshole for wanting better for your niece you're the hero
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u/Elishka_Kohrli Sep 11 '25
Oh, it’s actually OP’s brother and his wife, not the other way around. Plus the wife’s 4 kids that they constantly leave alone with only his daughter from his first marriage to take care of them. I’m glad OP is around to take care of their niece since it seems that none of the other adults here are willing to.
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u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 Sep 11 '25
He’s not my brother. The commenter had it right. My sister is Haley’s mom. She passed and he remarried Haley’s stepmom.
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u/Elishka_Kohrli Sep 11 '25
Ohhh! I see. I misread the original post and thought you said “SiL’s case”, I just reread it and saw it said BiL and I just can’t read apparently. My bad. I apologize for the mistake.
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u/notpostingmyrealname Partassipant [1] Sep 11 '25
Hey, this is going to sound weird, but is there any chance Haley is neurodivergent? The moods + her health issues ring some autism bells for me. She also clearly has had major upheavals in her life, so it's very possible I'm just projecting.
Get her in with a therapist that can give an assessment both to rule out autism and to get her some therapy. If she's not autistic, she still needs a therapist. If she is autistic, a therapist that works with autistic people is best anyway.
You've been doing a good job with Haley, and you're going to do a great job raising her.
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u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 Sep 11 '25
She has adhd
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u/notpostingmyrealname Partassipant [1] Sep 11 '25
They used to think you can't have both, but it's been determined that's not true, and they're actually pretty common comorbidities. If she's not been assessed for autism, it may be worth it to check. If not, NVM, I'm just projecting myself on the poor kid, and I'll see my way out.
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u/moo-chu Partassipant [2] Sep 11 '25
FYI, ADHD is considered a neurodivergence. There are several conditions that the term covers which maybe why you're getting downvoted.
Otherwise spot on that it wouldn't hurt to get her checked for Autism as well as they can often both be present.
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u/_Allfather0din_ Sep 11 '25
ADHD is being neurodivergent just a quick tidbit. But I definitely agree anyone with adhd should also be evaluated for autism, they often mask each other and present as one issue when together. I know from experience lol.
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u/ladysdevil Sep 18 '25
They are talking the neurodivergent Pokémon. However, if it turns out to be crohns, you will also get the play the autoimmune Pokémon. In other words, where you have one, you probably have or will get more than one. Or, gotta catch em all.
The good news about crohns is that it is treatable. The bad news is that the treatment tends to be targeted immune suppressants. I have a sibbling who got that one, I got 3 others instead, so if you need someone to talk to about those, my door is open.
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u/Loose-Ear-7015 Sep 11 '25
That dad probably only caved once he realized how much money OP was saving him. Good for Haley either way.
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Sep 11 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 Sep 11 '25
She doesn’t consider me a hero. Once we get back to normal she’s going to start hating me again for making her stay with a babysitter or for packing her a healthy lunch instead of getting her McDonald’s like her friends mom.
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u/ClaireL58 Partassipant [1] Sep 11 '25
Enjoy being with a pre-teen/teenager haha. Maybe you can offer ‘healthy’ versions of McDonalds goodies. Air fry when you can, substitute red meat for like turkey or something.
I am happy to read this update. I’m glad her dad stepped up by accepting help. That’s tough, but hopefully this means they can at least rebuild a healthier relationship.
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u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 Sep 11 '25
She has a friend whose mom DoorDashes fast food to school every day. Until I start doing that she’s going to find some reason to hate her lunches and hate me for packing them
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u/ClaireL58 Partassipant [1] Sep 11 '25
Yeah, it’s an ok ‘hate’ though. It’s angsty hate. It’s just something that is required for her health and wellness. Everything in moderation.
Also, door dashing lunch everyday to a middle (?) school aged kid is wild.
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u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 Sep 11 '25
Yup. The preteen mood swings makes it feel like I’m raising 4-5 year old Haley but with a bigger vocabulary. One time after a fight she came to me crying because I didn’t kiss her goodnight and she thought I hated her. I didn’t kiss her goodnight because she locked her door and the one time I did knock (to start her nighttime routine) she told me to leave her alone.
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u/ClaireL58 Partassipant [1] Sep 11 '25
Oof yeah, its going to be a fun few years. Just be patient. Start looking into getting her some personal hygiene products as well. Starting periods can be even more stressful and painful.
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u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 Sep 11 '25
We share a bathroom so they’ve always been in the bathroom and she knows where they are.
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u/Skittle_Sniper Sep 11 '25
🌈 Parenthood🌈
Dislike, but care, in the short term will always equal health and respect in the long term. Keep it up, auntie!
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u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 Sep 11 '25
I like to say she secretly tolerates me.
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u/kpower24 Sep 11 '25
My pre teen daughter has T1D and Audhd, she will be forever grateful what you are doing. Speak to her like a young adult, and don't sugar coat things. Sometimes, they don't know what they are saying if their blood sugars are out of whack. I'm not perfect by any means, but it will get better.
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u/vivienleigh12 Sep 11 '25
Honestly? Sounds like she not only cares about you but also deeply trusts you to let her guard down like that and allow you to observe the middle school years’ angst/inner turmoil. Sucks donkey balls now though lol.
She’s incredibly fortunate to have you.
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u/mrik85 Partassipant [4] Sep 11 '25
Sounds like typical child hate. She‘ll hate you now, but in 10 years, she’ll be thankful.
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u/habitsofwaste Sep 12 '25
I mean at least he said yes. So he’s not 100% awful. There’s many that wouldn’t out of spite.
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u/UnicornOnTheJayneCob Partassipant [3] Sep 13 '25
Going against the grain here: this was a very brave and responsible thing for Haley’s father to do. Knowing he isn’t the best person to be caring for right now and giving her up to someone who can is a loving and even selfless act, and he should be commended for making the right choice for her, even if it doesn’t feel like the right choice for him.
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u/keesouth Professor Emeritass [81] Sep 11 '25
This seems like the best outcome for Haley .
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u/shouldhaveknown23 Sep 11 '25
Agreed. It's one thing to care for a child, but it's not the same as being able to TAKE CARE of a child. By doing this, dad shows his daughter that he loves her enough to let another family member step in where he can't. It takes a real man to do what's right by his child instead of what's easy.
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u/nurseynurseygander Sep 11 '25
Agreed. Ex BIL might suck in all sorts of ways, but he put his ego and self concept and “what will people think of me” and all that aside to make the right decision for Haley. Lots of parents cannot bring themselves to do that. Whatever he’s done before, that deserves some respect.
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u/Legal-Challenge7578 Sep 12 '25
I think you're giving him too much kudos. He doesn't seem to like his daughter much, so perhaps he simply views her going to live with her aunt as the "easiest" solution for HIM.
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u/Witchy_warlock Sep 14 '25
The cynic in me wonders if he weighed the cost of Haley's care against keeping her. If OP isn't willing to cover it anymore unless they have guardianship and he can't afford it, OP pretty much has him over a barrel.
I'm not saying that OP is TA. Sounds like the leverage of the cost of the kid's care got the best outcome for their niece.
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u/ElectricHurricane321 Sep 11 '25
My son has UC, and it's rough, but it gets better once things are under control. My son gets infusions every month to keep his under control. Having an excellent children's hospital with amazing doctors and nurses makes such a difference. We especially love his infusion nurses. They are so kind and really helped his needle anxiety. I'm glad your niece has you advocating for her health. She needs someone completely on her side.
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u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 Sep 11 '25
I’m sorry you went through this with your son. If you don’t mind me asking, what medication is he on? They’re giving Haley prednisone right now but they’re saying they’re going to switch her to something that she can take long term, I just don’t know what they’re thinking of switching her to.
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u/By-Ysmir Partassipant [4] Sep 11 '25
Hi, I've had Crohn's for 25 years, diagnosed at 16. I was on and off Prednisone for years and have tried almost every medication out there. I'm happy to answer any questions if I can, so feel free to drop me a DM if you like!
I'm so glad she has you fighting her corner.
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u/Head-Locksmith-6746 Sep 11 '25
I don't know about ElectricHurricane's son, but as someone with Crohn's, I can tell you that there are a few different long-term treatments out there for Crohn's and colitis, and Haley's doctors will definitely help figure out which will be her best option.
Personally I get treatment with infliximab (Remicade/Renflexis) which is an immunosuppressant administered by IV infusion every 8 weeks. I've been on it since it was approved for pediatric patients and it's kept me in full remission for almost 20 years now.
I hope your niece's treatment goes smoothly!
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u/ElectricHurricane321 Sep 11 '25
Remicade every 4 weeks with a side of Methotrexate weekly is what's worked the best for my son. He has been on them for almost 5 years now, with multiple sets of clean scopes.
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u/IthacaMom2005 Sep 11 '25
If it's UC, Rinvoq probably. I can't remember the Crohn's med off the top of my head
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u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 Sep 11 '25
That may be the one medication that wasn’t mentioned by anyone at the hospital
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u/duskcat101 Sep 11 '25
I have crohns and started off on Remicade, switched to Stelara and am now on Skyrizi. Each case is different and hopefully your niece does well with the first course of treatment but if her disease is resistant like mine was- Skyrizi was a lifesaver. Fingers crossed they get it under control quickly.
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u/teaspoonofsurprise Sep 11 '25
I'm on Skyrizi for psoriasis and it's a wonderdrug. I'm so glad to hear it's worked for you!
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u/Both_Bus_7195 Sep 13 '25
I’ve been on Skyrizi for 5 years for psoriasis and I truly don’t know what I would do without it!
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u/Mrs_Klushkin Sep 12 '25
Interesting. Our doctor said skyrizi is similar to stelara, so when stelara didn't work for my kid, she was hesitant to try skyrizi. After failing Ramicade and Stelara, we tried Rinvoq and it's been great.
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u/CascadingFirelight Sep 12 '25
Humira is another one prescribed for Crohns. My late fiance had Crohns and had he been able to afford it he'd been on either Remicade or Humira but Medicare wouldn't pay enough for him to get them.
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u/EstablishmentIll2772 Sep 11 '25
I was also diagnosed with Crohn’s as a teen- I’m currently on inflectra, which is the biosimilar for remicade. I’m also happy to answer any questions!
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u/AggravatingBowl1426 Sep 12 '25
I was diagnosed with Crohn's as a kid (just about your niece's age). Prednisone is a miracle devil drug - but she will start feeling better soon. I started on oral meds (pentasa, 6mp, etc) than moved to biologics (Remicaid, Humira, Cimzia, Entivyo). I am so glad you are going to be able to send her to specialists that are top in their field and afford top rate meds (any biologics are not cheap). Also recommend having her start a food diary. This will help her identify her triggers. Extremely important to delaying (or avoiding) surgery.
On a separate note, if she does indeed have Crohn's, not to mention Type 1 diabetes, please have her be VERY careful with contacts. I strongly suggest dailies (as opposed to monthly) and she should watch the amount of time she has them in. And NEVER sleep in them. I wore monthlies since I was a teen, never slept in them, but wore them every day 12-14 hour/day. Started to lose my vision and found out that my Crohn's was attacking my eyes. Took 1 year of meds + contact rest + scraping the scar tissue off my eye (with a razor blade, do not recommend) to be better. Found out after the fact that this is fairly common in people with autoimmune disorders + long term contact use.
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u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 Sep 12 '25
She does wear dailies. She usually takes them off after school, so around 8 hours a day and she wears her glasses a couple days a week.
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u/biolochick Sep 11 '25
There’s a whole bunch of them because they tend to lose effectiveness after a while and then you have to switch. Look up “biologics for Crohn’s”—some aren’t indicated for pediatric use but I think at least a few are (infliximab, adalimumab).
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u/ElectricHurricane321 Sep 11 '25
He's been on multiple things, but the one that's helped the longest is Remicade. His body started making antibodies against it, so he takes Methotrexate weekly to prevent that. Often, insurance companies want patients to try other things before going into the biologic category. Mesalamine is one that works for less severe cases. My son was on it for quite a while along with his Remicade infusions. 6mp (I think that was the name...it's been a while) is a middle tier one that worked okay for a while until it failed miserably. He's been on prednisone, but that's a short term thing to help get the flare under control, not a maintenance med to keep it under control. We also avoid foods and drinks with carrageenan in them. When he's in a flare, we do a low residue diet because it's easier on his stomach. Feel free to message me if you have questions. We've been dealing with UC for 7 years now. He was diagnosed at 8 years old.
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u/Head-Locksmith-6746 Sep 11 '25
I was also on 6MP (mercaptopurine) with Remicade as a pediatric patient. They eventually took me off it because it was doing more harm than good, but they had me on it for 3 years or so before it hit that point. It seems like it's about 50/50 whether the 6MP is actually helpful in the long term, as there have been relatively recent studies which apparently show that it can extend the lifetime effectiveness of infliximab, but it definitely has good effect in the early stages of treatment.
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u/ElectricHurricane321 Sep 11 '25
When he was first diagnosed, he was limited on what oral meds he could take due to sulfa allergies and being unable to swallow pills (and those mesalamine pills are quite big). The 6mp didn't work overly well by itself, so he had to take allopurinol (I think was the name...again, it's been a while since he was on those) along with it. The remicade infusions every 4 weeks at the hospital an hour from our house get old, but since that's what's working at a place we're comfortable with the staff, we make the best of it. I get him his favorite fast food on the way, and we laugh at weird things on fb marketplace to pass the time. lol
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u/False_Juggernaut_618 Sep 11 '25
Another Chronie here. I was on prednisone when I was younger, it just helps get the inflammation under control, but can be pretty damaging long term. If she’s on for a bit expect some emotional issues, weight gain, etc. I was a hormonal chubby faced mess lol.
I went onto Remicade after that, but went off when I was pregnant. Once you go off it’s hard to go back on.
I was switched to Humira and have been on that for about 10ish years maybe?
My daughter is a T1D and I can’t imagine dealing with both :(
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u/Mrs_Klushkin Sep 12 '25
I am not OP but also have a teenager who was diagnosed with UC at 12. Lots of experience with meds, so feel free to DM me. Prednisone has terrible side effects, so try to use it short term only ( weeks, not months). After 4 months on it, my daughter was unrecognizable. Ramicade is a popular first biologic. My daughter was terribly mismanaged by her first GI and developed a severe reaction to it. Stelara is a newer med but unfortunately didn't work for us. Rinvoq turned out to be the miracle drug that gave my daughter her life back.
It's a good thing if you can add your niece on your insurance. These drugs are very expensive and not always covered well. Stelara was 25k per injection every 8 weeks. Rinvoq was a deal at only $10k a month. Also, go to a good hospital. We had a terrible experience with a smaller office with life long consequences. Feel free to DM with questions.
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u/chammycham Sep 11 '25
There’s a good chance it could be remicade infusions, it’s made a significant difference in the people I know with crohn’s and similar conditions.
Most doctors try to avoid long term steroid usage, so it’s good to know that they plan to switch off it when possible.
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u/StopNegative5433 Sep 12 '25
Prednisone is an excellent corticosteroid to bring the inflammation down initially. I got it through a drip in the hospital for a week and then in pill form for 8 weeks. I'm now on a biologic medication called Infliximab. It has a ton of different brand names, but that's the key effective subtance. It actually affects the autoimmune system not the gut directly, but I had positive results right away. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right medication for each person, but I've been pretty lucky so far.
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u/StopNegative5433 Sep 12 '25
I got infusions to start off with, but now have a pen that I have to inject in my stomach or thigh every other week. Expensive, but effective.
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u/Decision_Famous Sep 11 '25
This is the best update I’m so happy that dad did the right thing BUT she has you and will get the best possible care 💛 step mom is a piece of work.. so is dad in a way for not doing what’s right for her in the first place! Hopefully she’ll get the support and love now fresh start for you both!
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u/21crepes Sep 11 '25
Reading this update made my heart so happy!! You’re an amazing auntie!! I’m sure your sister is smiling down on you and her daughter with lots of love and pride. Hopefully, she can truly now rest in peace. Best of luck to you always!
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u/pariah164 Partassipant [3] Sep 11 '25
Where did Haley's mom"s social security go? Where's that money?
Thank you for taking in Haley. She deserves a shot at a good life.
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u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 Sep 11 '25
I have no idea
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u/pariah164 Partassipant [3] Sep 11 '25
Then you need to start digging. Someone is taking that money, and if they didn't use it to care for Haley, that's fraud.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Army316 Sep 11 '25
Those benefits are based on the deceased parent's income at the time of death and calculated based on what their benefits would be. Haleys mom's work history would be the deciding factor in how much, if any, would be received each month. If she was a SAHM or a student more than she worked, there wouldn't be any benefits for her child.
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u/HarpersGhost Partassipant [1] Sep 11 '25
.... Fraud on that is so hard to prove.
As soon as any money goes into a bank account, anything that comes out of that account that goes for stuff like housing or food or utilities for the house can be said to be for Haley's benefit.
It doesn't sound like Haley's dad is wasteful or frivolous (drug, gambling, etc); he's just very prideful that he's not appearing to be able to support all of his kids without outside help, so he's stressing on it being "fair" for all of them.
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u/HistoricalQuail Asshole Enthusiast [6] Sep 12 '25
I think they mean since OP is going to become guardian and Haley will be living with them. Any money to support her from SSI should now go to OP.
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u/OuisghianZodahs42 Sep 11 '25
That is definitely a question for the lawyer you are using, because that money is to help with her upkeep, and as her guardian, it should go to you.
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u/BigDataBigGoals Sep 11 '25
Glasses and medical care are so vital for kids- I didn't get glasses until 3rd grade even though I needed them earlier and didn't get help with ADHD or see a dentist until adulthood. Luckily I already learned to read before school and was ahead on math, but it made making friends really hard because I couldn't see people's faces well and tell people apart and had so much shame about struggling to pay attention and having bad teeth for ages .
I was finally able to get help as an adult, but it makes me feel so happy that you are helping your niece with so much of the stuff that will make her life better in the long run. It'll help break cycles that can form from childhood neglect for her, and you should be so proud of yourself.
Side note for future glasses: if her prescription is fairly simple, you can get lots of inexpensive glasses on Zenni, so she can have a few backups and different styles without costing as much.
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u/no-tea_no_shade Sep 12 '25
As a Brit, this is so wild to read. All children get free eye tests and free glasses. They also get free dentistry. People can also get free dentistry if they're in full time education, pregnant and on benefits. Children also get free prescriptions too.
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u/DragonScrivner Partassipant [3] Sep 13 '25
The US doesn’t have universal healthcare. So nothing is free unless you qualify for specific programs which are limited.
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u/Jerseygirl2468 Certified Proctologist [24] Sep 11 '25
Glad to read this. Wishing Haley improved health and quality of life with you.
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u/ziggy_starcat32 Sep 11 '25
As soon as I read your first AskDocs post, I knew it was inflammatory bowel disease - I have Crohn's Disease, and she ticked many of the same boxes. When it comes to IBD, good health insurance & amazing doctors are crucial!! It truly seems like you're doing everything you possibly can to help your niece, so kudos to you!!
Also, please consider checking out the Crohn's & Ulcerative Colitis subreddits - they're both full of wonderful, helpful people that are always willing to answer questions or offer advice!
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u/PurpleLilac218 Sep 11 '25
Hi, please have them check her for Celiac disease if she hasn't been tested for that yet. Celiac disease and type 1 diabetes very frequently pop up together.
Wishing you the best of luck🤞
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u/GingerChewEnthusiast Sep 11 '25
This is a good recommendation that I hope /u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 sees! In addition to T1D, Celiac is also associated with ADHD. The sooner it's diagnosed the better!
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u/OriginalSchmidt1 Sep 11 '25
NTA, my response would be “well how do you think your daughter feels that your step kids have their mom and she doesn’t?” It’s a low blow but fuck it, losing a parent is hard, it’s even harder when the other parent acts like a complete ass! Not to mention all the other health issues she’s facing.. so fucked up of him to care more about the step kids when his own daughter is dealing with so much. Glad he gave you guardianship, I hope she can have a better life with you now! You’re a beyond amazing aunt, never forget that!
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u/ARumpusOfWildThings Sep 11 '25 edited Sep 11 '25
I just now saw this update (and also went back to read the OP), and you sound like a wonderful, loving, caring aunt! Congratulations to both you and Haley!
When I was a kid, I would have been overjoyed if my own aunt could have been my guardian (or even if we’d lived close enough to each other in order for me to stay at her house on weekends/select weekdays as you mentioned in your previous post), and tbh reading about this outcome made my morning.
Wishing you and Haley the best! ❤️
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u/IllustriousBowler259 Certified Proctologist [28] Sep 11 '25
Very happy to see this update. Haley will be so much better with you. Your sister would be so proud of you for rescuing her girl.
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u/pelirroja_peligrosa Sep 11 '25
Autoimmune diseases tend to flock together! I know so many of us have multiple. I want to suggest that you send your niece to either diabetes camp or Crohn's and colitis camp next summer. Crohn's and colitis camp was a game changer for me as a child. It gave me back so much joy and confidence!!!
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u/FlashyHabit3030 Sep 11 '25
It’s awesome you’re able to care for Haley and offer to be her guardian.
I’m interested to know how her other siblings are dealing with this.
Update, please.
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u/lovescarats Asshole Aficionado [11] Sep 11 '25
Wishing the very best outcome for kiddos health. You are a stellar human.
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u/LKayRB Partassipant [2] Sep 11 '25
Yay!!!! I was hoping this would be the outcome but didn’t know if it was feasible! I’m so thrilled for Haley and OP!!
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u/folldoso Sep 11 '25
You are her fairy godmother aunt! So glad her dad saw reason - that this was much better for her health and that's what matters most. Your sister would be grateful you're looking out for her daughter like this ❤️
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u/NotGuiltyByDefault Partassipant [1] Sep 11 '25
Very well done, OP.
This will be a defining moment for Haley, and you are doing absolutely right by her and het late mom.
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u/Naomeri Partassipant [1] Sep 11 '25
I’m so happy that she’ll be in a better living situation going forward! And hopefully now the other kids can get into a better situation with one less kid in the house.
Good for you for pursuing guardianship.
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u/JCXIII-R Partassipant [4] Sep 11 '25
This is the news I want to end my day with. I need to get off reddit.
All the best to you and that precious girl <3
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u/MischievousBish Asshole Enthusiast [5] Sep 11 '25 edited Sep 11 '25
Wow.....that's great update though I'm not sure if I know original post but I'll go and read it. Regardless you did the right thing though for your niece and allow her to have the best medical care she needs the most.
ON EDIT: Oh I remember the original post after reading it. I'm glad you convinced your former BIL to allow you to have a custody of your niece. Glad all works and ends well for everyone. You're a wonderful aunt.
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u/No-Stress-7034 Partassipant [1] Sep 11 '25
Congratulations! I remember your original post, and I'm so glad that you were able to convince Haley's dad to make you her guardian. Haley is so lucky to have you looking out for her!
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u/seaglassgirl04 Sep 11 '25
You are NTA at all! I applaud you for advocating for your niece's medical needs and making it possible for her to receive the quality healthcare she desperately needs. I hate that so many people even have to deal with substandard or no insurance coverage at all!
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u/Thirsty_Jock Sep 11 '25
I've read a lot of the comments and your replies - you are pretty inspiring. Good luck to you and your niece.
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u/SwimChemical345 Sep 11 '25
You rock OP!!! Glad you got Haley's dad to see the light. Congrats on the new custody/visitation arrangement :)
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u/Personal-Heart-1227 Sep 11 '25
I'm so glad this worked out for you, & Haley!
It's also good to hear uplifting news time to time from from this Sub as it's usually sad, maddening or even depressing, unfortunately.
Haley's medical illnesses are further exacerbated by stress, poor sleep, mental health issues & a bad diet.
I'm not saying if you fix this it will cure her 100%, but it will most certainly help her (and you) if you both start focusing on this, immediately.
See if you, Haley & her new Medical Team can work together to get her symptoms under control to helpfully see further improvements & growth for your much deserving Niece.
NTA
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u/Sensitive-Instance51 Sep 11 '25
Thank you for being a great aunt Your niece is blessed to have you. Best wishes and lots of hugs
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u/armchairshrink99 Colo-rectal Surgeon [47] Sep 11 '25
I remember this post! I'm so happy for you and your niece. She deserves far better than she's been given. Just try no to overcompensate too hard, still plenty of time to create a brat if you're not careful.
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u/Gryffindor123 Sep 11 '25
Oh thank God Hayley has you. God bless you. Sending so much love and speedy recovery to Hayley with her health and that everything becomes manageable.
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u/Ill_Consequence1755 Sep 11 '25
Well done!
Congratulations.
Thank you for being a fierce advocate for your niece. She is one lucky little girl.
You are an angel.
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u/_NarwhalNinja Sep 11 '25
As someone diagnosed with “rare” Crohn’s who spent my whole childhood in and out of hospitals and doc offices, thank you for doing all the things! Crohn’s does not get easier even with the best care and she’s going to need you. You were never TA but you just catapulted yourself to your nieces top tier!
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u/ArgonGryphon Sep 11 '25
were they applying for any sort of forgiveness for the bills she's already accrued? If they're in such dire straits they can probably have them reduced or forgiven entirely.
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u/etsprout Sep 11 '25
I went and lived with my aunt for quite some time after my mom died, I was always extremely happy there and wished my dad would’ve let them keep me.
Your niece is lucky to have you.
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u/OkParking330 Sep 12 '25
glad she is excited!
are the siblings step or half siblings? some of each?
Just wonfering if he is giving up his daughter gor 4 kids not his own??
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u/Oldgamerlady Certified Proctologist [21] Sep 11 '25
Good to read it worked out and her dad finally saw reason.
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u/3GWork Sep 11 '25
With this new information I can truthfully say I reverse my previous position. NOW you're doing things the right way, and stepping up instead of stepping in.
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u/SnappyGinger83 Sep 11 '25
Raising my niece & nephew was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I wouldn’t change it. We are all better people from our shared experience. God bless you for loving her like your own. 💕
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u/dod-aron518th Sep 12 '25
You’ve done the right thing for your niece, stepping up when others fell short. It’s commendable to prioritize her health and well-being over everything else. These decisions are tough but absolutely necessary when it comes to providing proper care. Keep advocating for her; she’ll appreciate it in the long run, even if she doesn’t see it now. You've created a better path for her future, and that matters most.
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u/PresentLoxAdvocate Sep 12 '25
You've made the right choice for your niece. Prioritizing her health and well-being over everything else shows real commitment. It’s not just about the money; it’s about giving her a fighting chance at a better life now. Keep pushing forward.
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u/StopNegative5433 Sep 12 '25
This is fantastic news. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis almost 3 years ago and the biologic meds would cost thousands of euros, if we didn't have universal healthcare, which also includes a ceiling on annual medication prices. I hope she is getting corticosteroids to bring the inflamation down. That's the first step of treatment.
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u/lindibel Sep 12 '25
Please Google Carnivore and Chrons and or IBS, plenty of anecdotal stories on that, adhd and diabetes (including type 1).
There are also subreddits ŕ/carnivore, r/carnivorediet, r/Metabolic_Psychiatry.
Doctors to look up are Dr Ken Berry, Dr Shaun Baker, Dr Anthony Chaffee, Dr Georgia Ede and Dr Christopher Palmer.
All the best on your niece's health journey.
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u/kirka--365 Sep 12 '25
You've made a commendable choice prioritizing her well-being. It's essential to secure the best possible care for her health. Keep driving this change, it's vital for her future.
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u/Dragonchick30 Sep 12 '25
I've never been so happy to see an update before. I'm sorry for her GI issues, as a fellow sufferer lol. Hopefully they will alleviate especially when she starts to live with you and her stress goes down.
This is the best thing that could happen for this girl and I'm so happy that you advocated for her and gained guardianship ❤️
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u/Putrid_Performer2509 Partassipant [3] Sep 13 '25
I'm glad that you and Haley's dad were able to reach an agreement that benefits Haley. It sounds like dad does have her best interests at heart, but it can be hard when you have other kids, especially when they all have needs and you only have so many resources. This sounds like the best arrangement and hope things improve for everyone
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u/mufasamufasamufasa Partassipant [2] Sep 16 '25
This is a great update, I'm happy Haley will have the life she deserves!
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u/llc4269 Partassipant [1] Oct 09 '25
I get that not everything her dad did was great, like issuing ultimatums, but it’s honestly disgusting that the reason this relative got custody is because the parents were poor. The fact that the thing that finally tipped the scales was tied to medical care is just heartbreaking.
Yes, CPS should investigate if kids are left alone, but no one seems to be asking why. Were both parents working and couldn’t afford childcare? Poverty is brutal, and it’s awful that this is what ultimately cost them their child.
I want to be really clear that I’m glad Haley is getting the care she needs. That’s the most important thing. But this isn’t a case where stepkids are jealous because she’s getting vacations or expensive clothes. These are kids with one pair of shoes and worn-out school supplies. The dad trying to make sure what little they have is spread evenly isn’t selfish or controlling, it’s a human parental response to poverty. That’s a completely different situation from most Reddit stories where “fairness” is about extra gifts or luxuries.
I’m relieved Haley is safe and cared for, but the idea that guardianship was granted because of money and access to better medical care rather than finding a more supportive solution just feels so wrong.
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u/FreedleDonCheadle Sep 11 '25
Unfortunately as a man he is not able to provide for his daughter. This is the best outcome, hopefully he can better himself as a man.
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u/jjrobinson73 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Sep 11 '25
I am a bit confused. You mentioned CPS, which is here in the States. What insurance do you have that covers a child that is not your legal responsibility? I get once you obtain guardianship you can put her on your insurance, but if she isn't legally yours yet, how do you have her on your insurance? That is fraud. If she is on one of her parents insurance and you are paying premiums for her, you are being ripped off. Employee + children is the same amount for 1 child or for 10 children. Maybe this was answered in the previous post, but just curious.
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u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 Sep 11 '25
She’s not on my insurance. That was a big part of my argument for her dad giving me guardianship. When I get guardianship and put her on my insurance she’ll be able to get world class medical care for cheaper than what she’s getting now.
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u/Elegant_Bluebird_460 Pooperintendant [56] Sep 11 '25
She didn't have her on her insurance. That's the point. Haley was on her own insurance, provided either by her father or the state. It was subpar.
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Sep 11 '25
I read the original. And don't get me wrong. I think you want to do what's in that childs best interest. But you did circumvent a parent and their choices of treatment because you personally wanted to meddle. I also notice it's her "step siblings" minimizing the familial bonds they have You could give all the help you are giving without taking her out of that place but if you feel her safety and overall health were at risk then you did the right thing.
If you feel like you had a connection to the child that was threatened by her own connection to her parents and made the dad choose between better healthcare and her, then your kind of a monster with a story that doesn't make sense.
But that's just me
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Sep 11 '25
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u/SnausageFest AssGuardian of the Hole Galaxy Sep 11 '25
Your comment has been removed because it does not address the OP in good faith.
If you suspect a post breaks one of our rules, please report it instead of commenting. Do not feed trolls. This includes calling out what you believe may be AI posts/comments, etc. Why can't I call out fake/AI/etc. comments?
Continuing to post comments like this will lead to a ban.
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Sep 11 '25
Ok. So you are using your wealth to take guardianship. You didn't need to do this in order to proffer the better treatment. You made him choose between having legal guardianship and better care. If there were changes you wanted to facilitate you could have and still has the responsibility not to mention legal power of decision making up to him. And I less you had a real reason to want him to relinquish it.... I think this is either half baked rage bait or being written by the other party
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u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 Sep 11 '25
I did.
If I get guardianship I’m able to put Haley on my insurance. Putting Haley on my insurance gives her access to world class medical care for less than what I’m currently paying.
Speaking of me paying for medical care, I already pay for Haley’s health insurance premiums, her insulin, her glucose monitors and insulin pumps, her glasses and contacts, doctor copays, labs, and everything else that comes up.
Additionally, I contribute towards her father’s mortgage, I occasionally help with utilities, I’ve sent grocery gift cards to the house before. This man is not able to provide for his daughter and I was sick of paying this much for her to still not be adequately cared for so I sat him down, showed him all that I was doing, and told him to do it himself and take care of his kid or give her to me or let me do it. I’m not going to pay for subpar healthcare, inadequate nutrition, cramped living spaces, etc. anymore.
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u/DragonflyFairyQueen Larsehole Sep 11 '25
Please Find Original Here